IMPORTANT:

NEW FIC POSTED. Just click on my name and find it under my works.

This fic is being rewritten. This will no longer be updated, but I am leaving it up since some people want to read it still. I will post a new fic with my rewrites. Same premise generally, same ideas, but some different execution. So no, this is NOT being abandoned. I'm just setting out on new goals. Here's some more thoughts about it below.

This has been a really fun process and I've learned a great lot over this little more of half a year of writing this fic. I've learned how to write better both in narration and dialogue, but I've found some glaring issues with the fic. Instead of leaving the old chapters up, I took them down. The premise will still mostly be the same, but I'm going for a darker more realistic tone to the series. Further, hopefully better quality of writing in the chapters. The rewrites I will put out will be completely different so if you're thinking I'm just going to make small changes, no that wouldn't be the case. I'm taking this fic in just a slightly more mature and different direction now. Less dialogue, more subtetly, etc. So I hope my loyal readers who have been here since the fic was a mishmashed pile of shit still stay and that new readers don't get deterred by my older chapters downgrade in quality. Until next time.

Disclaimer:

First off, all rights to Gainax and Hideaki Anno. I do not own the Evangelion franchise.

Foreword:

As for my idea for this fic. I took heavy inspiration from Evangelion: Genocide, a fic that I highly recommend everyone read. My main idea was not just the Asushin, but also how the author handled ALL the characters including Misato, Ritsuko, Rei, and even some OCs. More than that, I wanted to write my own interpretation on a possible second season to Evangelion. While I do think Evangelion is definitely character based and psychological, I still think the action and the mechs are a big part of its identity. Also, from a writing standpoint, it can be easier to show character progression when characters are put in stressful situations like battle. So yeah, this is my take on a S2 of Evangelion, post 3I of course, and there are some world continuity changes that I made for the sake of the story and creativity.

Creative Disclaimer:

For the sake of the story I needed to make some continuity changes to what happened during Third Impact. I know what you might be saying. Why not just make this an AU fic then? Well, I wanted to deal with the characters specifically after instrumentality since my interpretation of the series is that post 3I allows for the most growth for them. So what are these changes? The Black moon fell back to Earth (did not pop like in EoE) and NERV Headquarters, while damaged, is still intact. The Geofront is of course blown open and most of Tokyo-03 except for the outskirts has been destroyed. But yeah that's about it. Without further ado, enjoy the story!


Chapter 1: End of the World/Rebirth

He sat unmoving on the beach, his eyes gazing up into the night sky. The thousands of stars glittered far off in the distance. In all of its glory, the moon hung brightly in the backdrop while a red haze cut across the rest of the horizon. It looks just like before Ayanami and I had to fight Ramiel.

Shinji did not know how much time had passed since he crept out of the ocean of LCL. He erected graves for those he held dearly in his memories, Misato, Asuka, Rei, Toji, Kensuke, and Hikari. On Misatos he placed the slightly bloody cross she had given him before she was consumed in a fiery explosion. He wondered, as he looked at the sky, whether it had been hours, days, or weeks since he was reborn. Another flurry of questions crossed his mind. Why did no one come back yet?

He heard a faint splash and slowly turned his neck to the left, his eyes were hollow with bags beneath them, brown locks a complete mess, and his mouth was agape as though he was trying to scream.

Rei hovered above the ocean of LCL staring emotionless at him. Her pale skin gave off a subtle glow and her red eyes gazed into his soul. Shinji blinked and the apparition was gone however there was something red sitting only a few feet away from him.

The crimson color of Asuka's plugsuit seemed to stand out from everything else in a world that had been burned to hell. A million thoughts raced through Shinji's mind then. This is not real.

Without even noticing his body getting up, Shinji had made his way on top of Asuka. Her eyes were staring, devoid of any life, at the sky. His two hands clamped down on her throat and in an act of insanity, anger, loneliness, and every other emotion speeding through Shinji's head like the trains that ran around Tokyo-03. He started to press down. He could feel her soft throat under his fingers, the skin becoming warm as he strangled her. He was so caught up in his act that he didn't even notice her hand had raised and gently caressed his cheek. That one act. Such a simple gesture yet it caused Shinji to realize that his situation was reality. That single act of tenderness snapped Shinji out of his daze and he came back to his senses. His hands loosened on Asuka's neck and trembled as he slowly brought them up to his face and looked at them. I'm not… alone?

Choked sobs escaped Shinji's throat. His tears fell hotly on Asuka's face, but she made no move to wipe them away. Shinji sat there shaking on top of her, his body suddenly feeling cold like he was going to freeze to death.

Asuka mumbled something somberly. There was no bitterness behind the tone, only sadness and despair. A sort of heaviness that seemed to have descended upon her voice.

She said something.

Shinji grabbed Asuka from her back and brought her around his arms tighter than his frail arms should have been able to. He held her for minutes not letting go, still slightly trembling from his new realization that he was back in reality, but was no longer alone. It's like his whole mind and body started to function again and he finally had control over himself.

"Asuka… I… I'm," the last words couldn't escape Shinji's mouth as he felt exhaustion course through his entire body. Shinji's head dipped backwards as the darkness closed around him and he slept for the first time in days.


She hadn't expected the world to look so weird and on top of that Shinji was strangling her. The first words that came out of her mouth were "How disgusting," that seemed to sum up everything that was going on in her mind, body, and soul. Asuka's stomach felt like it would jump to her throat any second, her mind a complete haze of the memories from instrumentality. Her soul felt like it was hers, and hers alone, after only God knows how long. I feel awful.

Despite all of the conflicting emotions in her, Asuka still felt she needed to caress Shinji's cheek at that moment. She wasn't afraid of dying, it was just that she felt pity for the poor boy. He's... so alone.

Shinji was hugging her now, still sobbing uncontrollably. His grip was like iron at first, but then she felt his strength slowly leaving him. His body slumped and fell to the ground on the soft sand of the beach. The red waves of the now ocean of LCL crashed gently into the shore. Asuka came back to reality completely, hearing her breathing and feeling her body once again. Shinji sat unmoving on the ground. He wasn't breathing.

"Shinji… Shinji… Shinji?" Asuka nudged him as he lay on his side. There was no response and his chest wasn't moving at all.

"Shinji!"

Asuka grabbed his shoulders and shook him which was to no avail. She noticed his frail body and his deep circles under his eyes. Out of instinct from training Asuka layed Shinji down on the ground and took both her hands and proceeded to press on his chest.

"Don't die on me now, idiot! You don't get to!" Asuka continued pressing down with more haste.

Finally a small croak escaped Shinji and he gasped for air. After a few seconds his breaths stabilized and his chest lifted up and down slowly. He was still completely unconscious.

Asuka sat down next to him, relieved to see his body functioning normally. Her stomach growled. She knew they needed to find food and shelter before night fell and the cold took them both. Shinji was eerily pale and skinny. How long has he been like this… just… waiting for someone?

Asuka then noticed that her sight was cut off on her left side and that her right arm had bandages all over it. The sudden flashes of the EVA series looming overhead pained her. She could feel the lance popping her eye and her arm being sliced in two. Her guts were opened and the final lances fell upon her torso impaling her Unit 02 to the ground. Then there was complete black. Lights popped up all around her and thus she was thrown into the world of LCL.

Asuka shook her head, "Later."

She tentatively took off the bandages, but experienced no pain. Her arm was as good as new save for a faint scar running up it vertically. She removed her bandage and she breathed a sigh in relief knowing that her vision was not taken.

She looked at the boy below her breathing heavily. Probably not that heavy in his current state. I might be able to carry him.

Asuka hoisted up Shinji's unconscious body and carried him over her back.

An hour or so later she came across a grey apartment building that was still standing strong. Lots of the windows were shattered, but the overall structure was nowhere near collapsing like many of the other buildings in the ruins of Tokyo 03. She kicked open the door with ferocity to one of the rooms on the third level. The place was clean save for some shards of glass that littered the floor where the windows once stood. Her back ached from carrying Shinji. She made her way to the bedroom and deposited his unconscious being onto the bed.

She watched him intently. He was still breathing heavily, but he looked somewhat at peace. That's twice now he's tried to strangle me.

A shudder of exhaustion ran through Asuka, "I'm gonna make some food. I know my cooking isn't as good as yours, but you'll have to put up with it for now." Asuka stated to the sleeping boy. She took the blanket at the edge of the bed and covered him with it.

Asuka went into the bathroom and stripped down. The water was still running so she took a quick hot shower. She was so hungry she didn't want to make her stomach wait any longer. The red plugsuit sat in the corner of the bathroom, its right arm torn off all the way up to the shoulder. When she got out of the shower Asuka looked furiously at the crimson plugsuit and kicked it hard. She dried herself and found some clothes in one of the drawers in the bedroom. Shinji was still asleep so she dropped her towel and got dressed. She almost expected him to wake up just at that time and gape at her. To both her joy and dismay he did not stir. She wore some jean shorts and a loose yellow t-shirt. It was cool inside the apartment, not nearly as cold as it had been outside. To Asuka's surprise there was also running gas so she was able to cook some instant noodles. Nothing special, but food was food and since the Third Impact had happened she was in no place to complain. The idiot and I have a lot to catch up on.


The woman gasped and collapsed onto the ground. Her purple hair scattered all around her.

"Kaji… Shinji… Asuka… is anyone there?" Misato pulled her head up groggily and took in her surroundings. The petrified corpses of the mass production EVAs sat unmoving like totems in the distance. The giant Rei head, now split in half, gazed into the horizon. The ocean was filled with crimson LCL. A gust of wind howled and caused Misato to shudder as the cold pierced beneath her red jacket.

"What a dump," She said and half coughed half chuckled to herself.

She pressed her arms against the ground and slowly hoisted herself up. Misato's right hand made her way to her chest. There was no hole. She looked down at her lower half. It was still attached to her body. She gulped and remembered her final moments. The bullet to her back, the talk with Shinji, the manipulative kiss she placed on his lips, and the fiery explosion from the JSSDF that split her in two.

I used him again.

Misato's eyes closed as she balled a fist and slammed the ground. She slammed her fist again and again, but no pain came. The sand was far too soft to hurt her even when that was all she wanted to do. She wanted to punish herself for her negligence.

"Damn it!" Her voice cracked as more tears fell from her eyes.

After a few more minutes of shaking and sobbing uncontrollably she lifted her gaze once again to see a group of marked graves. She read the names from right to left.

Hikari, Kensuke, Toji, Rei, Asuka, Mi… Misato.

On her grave, nailed to the front, was the cross she had given Shinji before she died. She stumbled over to the grave and pulled the nail out surprisingly easily. She gripped the white cross with dried blood hard between her two hands and lifted her gaze to the stars and wailed. She wailed until her throat hurt and nothing escaped except small feeble gasps.

Where's Shinji's grave?

Misato stood up and put the cross into her coat pocket.

"I'll give you this damn cross. I'll force it into your hand." Misato declared to herself.

Maybe there's hope, even if it's the end of the world.


He was on the train again, the train that always seemed to travel yet never had a destination. The orange glow from outside was the only source of light. A younger version of himself sat across from him, unmoving, faced basked in darkness. He looked left and right, but there was nobody. He was alone, save for himself.

"I thought you learned," Stated the younger version of himself without any emotion.

"To love yourself and live for others. That sense of individuality, is it not the reason you rejected it? That false reality? That dream that was everything you ever wanted? You could've been with her. Your mother and your father. You could've felt her lips as she kissed you off to school. You left so that you could find happiness, real happiness." The younger Shinji seemed to have stopped.

"I… have nothing to live for. I thought maybe things could go back to the way they were… " Shinji trailed off struggling to find the right words.

"That you could find happiness? That you could be anything other than the broken little boy who could only hurt those around him?"

"No… that's not what I… I've been alone so long. I didn't know what it felt like to even be with others."

"But you did, did you not? That's the only reason you came back. You had felt it for however brief an instance."

The scenery of the train morphed to Tokyo 03 as Asuka, Toji, Kensuke, Hikari, and another version of himself walked home from school. They were chatting like regular kids.

"You are not alone in this memory it seems," Said the younger Shinji's voice.

"No… but… this… it's gone. I can't get this back, they're all dead. All of them. I guess I'm always meant to be alone. I caused this!" Shinji's voice began to tremble.

"It's my fault they're gone! I pushed them away! It's me… it's like… I'm incapable of… of…"

"Happiness? Love? Caring?" The younger Shinji finished for him.

"Y-yes… that's… that's the truth. I don't deserve to be loved." Shinji gulped and bowed his head. Asuka and the other continued chatting and walking away.

"I don't believe you."

"Huh?" Shinji looked up at his younger self.

"Were you not happy when you became friends with Kensuke and Toji? Did you not feel loved by Kaworu and even her?" Younger Shinji pointed to the redhead who continued to speak to the others in her haughty expressive tone. "Did you not feel the caring of Misato when she cried for your return? Or when Ayanami protected you from Ramiel?"

"Yes… but… it's different… its-"

"No. It's not different. That's an excuse you make to yourself so that you don't have to get close to anybody."

Shinji couldn't argue. It felt like his mind was being shaken back and forth like a game of tug of war.

Shinji's younger self pointed to the fiery red mane that dripped down the back of Asuka's school uniform. She was barking something at Toji that made the boy fume with anger. Shinji smiled faintly at the scene.

"You still have her. You need to find happiness. Is this not what your mother said to you?"

Shinji's eyes went wide, "M-mother… mother…"

The world around Shinji fell to darkness and his younger self disappeared. He stood there alone in the dark, tears streaming down his eyes.

"Mother… p-please… help me." Shinji curled into a ball and sobbed.

His eyes opened to a dark grey ceiling. Unfamiliar, I guess that's just my life.

His gaze shifted down the bed. He was covered in a dark blue blanket. He felt warm, no more pain from the sharp gusts of cold wind on the beach. A smell of broth assaulted his nostrils and caused his stomach to growl. He felt the physical exhaustion and pain come back to him all at once. His bones felt brittle, his skin was pale, and his head throbbed from hunger and lack of sleep. Shinji groggily pulled himself out of bed, still in his school uniform. He scratched his head and sand ruffled out and spilled onto the ground. As he opened the door his heart momentarily stopped.

Asuka was cooking at the stove seemingly unaware of her surroundings and humming a melody softly. It was the most beautiful sound he had heard in a while as opposed to his own screaming when his sanity had completely cracked. Her beautiful red hair swayed back and forth as she reached for two bowls in the cupboard.

Shinji winced as the images of Unit 02's mangled corpse crept into his mind. The eye was dangling out of its socket, the spinal cord was exposed, the arm was split. The mass production EVAs circled like vultures overhead with different pieces of Asuka's mech dangling from their bloodied mouths.

Shinji hung his head in shame, but regardless his stomach growled and stabbed him with pain signaling to him that it wanted to be fed.

"A-Asuka," Shinji all but croaked.

She jumped nearly dropping the bowls and turned to face him, "Jesus idiot! Don't scare me like that! You sounded like a zombie!"

Shinji gave a half hearted smile and lifted his gaze to her.

"Asuka… I'm so sorry… I did horrible things… I-" Shinji was visibly shaking when Asuka cut him off.

"Stop. Part of me wants to rip your head off and I'm not sure if I can control it." Asuka made her way right in front of Shinji so close her breath tickled him.

Wack! Shinji did not flinch when she slapped him hard and his entire left side of his face went red. I deserved that.

"That's for being a pervert. Really, how disgusting can you get?"

"Asu-" Shinji's response was interrupted when the giant fist collided with his lower jaw sending him to the floor. He grabbed his jaw which ringed with pain. I deserve more.

"That's for leaving me to die, bastard." Asuka growled clear rage boiling in her eyes.

She grabbed Shinji by the collar of his shirt and stood him up on his feet. He kept his gaze glued to the floor. I can't look her in the eye, not after what I've done.

He closed his eyes, feeling another punch coming, but was only greeted by Asuka gently letting go of her iron grip on his shirt.

"Dinner's ready. I want you to eat. You're practically starving to death."

Images of Asuka sitting in a fetid pool of water in a run down building flash across Shinji's mind. She had been starving herself and had all but given up on life.

Shinji pulled out the chair across from Asuka and sat down at the table. The apartment was not too different from Misato's. The walls were painted a light yellow and there was a kitchen, living room, closet, and a bedroom. The broken windows allowed for the occasional gust of wind to howl throughout the building, but it was much warmer than being subject to the elements outside. The two ate in complete silence except for the sounds of spoons clinging against the bowls as they both scooped up bites of noodles. After both wolfing down the last of their food they sat at the table furthering the awkward tension between the two. Shinji could feel Asuka's hateful glare on his body. Probably thinking about every way to subject me to torture.

Shinji gazed intently at the ground as Asuka continued to stare at him.

"Why were you strangling me?" Asuka said while trying to restrain her harsh tone.

"I-"

"Why!?" Asuka screamed, "Why would you do that to me!? Why!? Why do you hate me so much!?"

Shinji felt cornered and so his despair, sorrow, and hatred came out all at once, "Why!? Maybe because I didn't know whether or not this was real! Maybe because I've been alone my whole life that I didn't even know whether I was alive or in instrumentality! And why do I hate you!? You really think that!? That I hate you!? All I ever tried to do was be kind to you and you just spat in my face and called me an idiot! You're just an arrogant, narcissistic, selfish bitch! Maybe I should hate you!"

"Is that why you didn't help me when I needed you? Is that why you masturbated over me? Is that why you let me die?" Asuka's tone turned soft and almost broken.

I'm a monster.

Shinji looked at his hands where two circular scars covered his palms when he had been crucified during the third impact. His words were almost a whisper, "Asuka. I didn't want to let you die… I couldn't do anything, there was bakelite. And what I did in the hospital… I was… broken. I didn't know what to do. Misato was distant. I had killed Kaworu. Ayanami was dead and instead replaced by some clone. And you… you were sleeping… just… just leaving me there to have to deal with it all. I wanted to just crawl up and die alone.

"Before that you could've helped me, but you didn't."

"Asuka, I wanted to reach out to you, but you would always lash out at me. You would always refuse to let me come close. I saw into your mind. You're alone. You've always been alone. You're just like… me." Shinji trailed off.

"We are nothing alike, Shinji. You're weak, pathetic, and hopeless." Asuka said standing. Shinji got up and a brief tremor of fear ran through Asuka. It reminded her of what Shinji had done to her in his head. She half expected his fingers to leap out and start to strangle her, but the boy just stood there.

Shinji slowly collapsed at Asukas feet, his knees on the floor and completely unaware that she was slightly shaking.

"Asuka. You're right. I'm… I'm nothing, but please… please… don't hate me. I can take it anymore. I'm not asking for forgiveness just please don't hate me." Shinji's hand shot up and grabbed Asuka's wrist hard, his voice cracking and a strangled sob escaping.

"Please," He looked at her with pleading eyes. Asuka knew that he was broken and knew that she had been the reason. Her words again. Her words had once again pained him because she couldn't be nice. She winced in pain, not because of Shinji's grip, but because of her own actions.

"Fine," Asuka said as she looked straight into his blue eyes that started to pour tears.

A choked gasp escaped his voice much like the one she had heard on the beach. He began sobbing uncontrollably, his hand slowly slipping off her wrist, but before it hit the ground Asuka grabbed hold of his arm.

"Let's go, you whiny idiot." Asuka dragged him to the bedroom and fixed the bed.

Shinji stood there as she climbed in.

"Ah! This feels good after having to carry your scrawny butt all the way here." Asuka said, patting an empty spot on the bed. It was king sized so there was more than enough room.

"I-" Shinji croaked.

"Don't even think about doing anything perverted! I'll slap you again!" Asuka growled.

"I don't deserve to sleep next to you."

"Stop moping!"

"I can't." Shinji said and made his way to the closet.

"Fine, have it your way, idiot. But don't come crying back to me when you catch a cold!" Asuka turned over to her side.

In the closet was a mat and another small blanket and a pillow. Shinji laid the mat down on the cold floor of the closet and covered himself with the blanket. He shivered and drifted off to sleep.


She stood in darkness. Faintly she could hear the growls of the EVA series closing in around her. She started to cry as their white teeth glinted and snared at her.

"Get away!" She yelled.

They closed in around her and bit down on her body digging their fangs into her flesh. As she was tackled to the ground above her she could see a faint glimmer of light and she reached for it.

"Mama is that you?"

The EVA series continued to feast on her, but the light got brighter and brighter until eventually everything was engulfed in a blinding light. The EVAs disappeared around her and her clothes and body were returned to normal. A spotlight displayed on her among the darkness.

"Hmph, I thought you would've learned to stop being such a bitch after that mind trip." Another version of herself stood in front of her, hands on her hips, in her school outfit.

"Who are you?" Asuka asked.

"Wow! You're acting just like the idiot! I'm you dummy," her doppelganger said.

"Where are the EVAs? They were-"

"You killed them. Well not just you, but you and the idiot of course. They're dead now. They can't hurt you."

"He was right to let me die."

"Maybe he was. You know you're just as pathetic as he is, you're just better at hiding it. He was right, you know? You really never have done a nice thing for him. What was that you said that one time? 'You won't even hold me!' How do you think he could hold a raging fire like you? Did you ever think that maybe you were the problem?"

"I tried, but I just can't. I think I'm incapable of doing that because...,"

"Because no one has ever done that to you right? Love you? Really care for you? The only person who did that was Mama, right? Well she's gone! She's not coming back and now you have to face reality!"

Another spotlight showed in the darkness. Shinji lay in the fetal position shivering and muttering something to himself.

"He's here. As much as you want to spit on him and call him a wimp he still came back even though he had it worse than you. And you still call him weak? How much of a hypocrite can you be? The only reason you hate him and talk down to him is because you know deep down he's stronger than you!" Asuka's doppelganger screamed at her.

"I don't hate him! I just want him to be there for me, but he never is! He never cares for anyone but himself! He can't help me!"

"He's been there for you, but you pushed him away when he tried to get close because you can't stand the pain of him eventually leaving you. And he will because of the way you treat him."

"That's not true!" Asuka shrieked.

"You know it is," the doppelganger's tone shifted from cold to tender, "But you can still help him."

"H-how… how can I do that when I can't even love myself. I hate myself so much so how could I be kind to anyone else? It's my fault they leave me, because I'm worthless. Without my Unit 02 I'm completely undesirable!"

"Fool. That's what you tell yourself. Shinji never cared about your piloting. He cared about you because he saw something he liked in you. I know you saw it in instrumentality. Even when you hate yourself he still found something in you."

The doppelganger disappeared and the spotlight went out and once again Asuka was alone in the darkness.

"No, no, no, no, no! I don't want to be alone! I don't want to be alone!" She screamed.

Asuka jolted up out of bed, heart beating so loud she could hear it. Despite the cool temperature of the room sweat beads speckled her forehead.

"God, I can't even sleep well," She said, rubbing her slightly aching temple.

She heard silent talking coming from outside her door. Her heart started to beat faster again. She tentatively got out of bed and slowly opened the sliding door. It was pitch black in the apartment, but she could hear the voice still. It was coming from the closet. Asuka opened the closet door and saw Shinji on the floor rolling over to his side.

"Help me… help me," He whispered.

Pathetic

Asuka bent down and slowly picked Shinji up. She slung his arm around her shoulder and carried his still sleeping and muttering body to the bedroom. His head rested gently against the pillow as she lowered him onto the mattress. He was still shaking and spewing other incoherent words out.

Asuka climbed back in bed and brought the sheets and blankets over them. She turned on her back, but before she went to sleep she heard his voice, "A-Asuka?"

Asuka turned on her side to face him, his broken eyes staring deep into her soul.

"Yes, stupid Shinji? I'm trying to get some sleep you know?"

"T-thank you," He whispered, mustering a faint smile.

"Hmph, I just didn't want you catching a cold. Don't do anything weird, ok? Now let me rest."

"Goodnight Asuka," Shinji said, but there was no tremor in his voice, only kindness.

"Yeah," Asuka replied as she dozed off.

The two dozed off into a deep dreamless sleep and allowed their bodies to rest in what felt like forever.


Through the rubble and rebar that stuck out of the ground like claws reaching for the sky Misato made her way to the ruins of Tokyo 03. She shivered as her red jacket was far too light for the cold weather that continued to make her wince in pain. Despite her wobbly legs and stomach that felt it had been pulverized, Misato continued her search for Shinji.

He could be anywhere. He could be dead for all I know.

Misato reached to the cross in her pocket and grabbed it tightly.

"I'll find you Shinji," she whispered to herself.

Buildings were skewed at awkward angles, all of their windows completely busted due to the shockwave from the third impact. Even though the explosion wasn't a fiery inferno the damage had still been done. For the first time in ages the sky felt clear. The stars speckled in the distance and it almost felt to Misato as if she were looking straight into space. The crimson stain that stretched across the horizon was a grim reminder of the fate humankind had almost faced.

Damn those bastards SEELE and that bastard Ikari.

Memories from instrumentality flashed across Misato's mind as she remembered seeing the lifeless body of Ritsuko Akagi floating in the shallow water of LCL in the chamber of Lilith before the third impact had begun. Gendo had shot her.

Misato lifted her head and yelled at the top of her lungs, "SHINJI!? SHINJI!? ARE YOU THERE!? HELLO!? SHINJI!?"

Her voice seemed to reverberate and echo endlessly off the concrete jungle of buildings and rubble. A crunch of broken glass startled Misato to her senses. She reached for the gun that should have been in the holset underneath the left side of her jacket, but it was not present.

"Shit," she muttered.

"M-Misato?" A familiar voice called out.

That voice. It has to be-

Maya stood behind her, arms wrapped around her shivering body, still clad in her tan NERV uniform. Next to her was Makoto Hyuga and Shigeru Aoba. They all seemed completely perplexed by the sight of the purple haired woman.

Maya spoke again, "M-Misato I thought you were dead. It was horrible… t-they were killing everyone. Before I knew it I was on the beach and… and…"

Maya had collapsed to the ground on her knees sobbing uncontrollably. Misato made her way over and pulled her into a hug.

"It's ok, Maya. We're here now." Misato nodded to the other two NERV who nodded at her solemnly.

"It's good to see you Misato," said Hyuga, giving a small grin.

"That's a relief to know we're not the only ones," sighed Aoba.

"Well! Come here you two!" Misato urged as she pulled the other NERV workers into the hug with Maya.

"You never let me get this close to you before, Misato!" Hyuga chuckled and smiled, but stopped when Misato gave him a deadly stare. She couldn't hold it and let out a burst of laughter which soon turned to tears.

"I'm just glad you guys are ok. You did nothing wrong. You didn't deserve what the JSSDF did to everyone," Misato cried.

"Well, the JSSDF didn't get us. I saw Rei. Then she touched me and everything went black. After that I was in instrumentality," Aoba said as he stared off into the distance.

"Yeah. I was so… scared. Rei was reaching for me, but then I saw you, Misato. She morphed into you and then I wasn't scared anymore," Hyuga sighed.

"You can tell me all about it later. We'll have to catch up over a drink. Right now I'm on a mission."

"Typical Misato, a duty bound alcoholic," chuckled Aoba.

"Hey! That's now way to talk to your major is it?" Misato grinned and the four of them shared a good hearted laugh.

"So… where are the children?" Maya asked standing up as the four broke out of their hug.

"Well… that's my mission. I'm trying to find Shinji, I think he's still alive, but this damned city is a maze. He could be anywhere."

"The Third Child might be a wimp sometimes, but he's not stupid. He probably found a place to get out of the cold or find some food. Some kind of building where the structural integrity is still somewhat intact," Hyuga stated.

"But what if he didn't? He's alone and… and…," Misato gulped, "I don't think he has anything to live for. As far as he knows everyone is gone. God, I can't believe I'm saying this, but he might already be dead. He might-"

"Misato, we saw tracks on the beach. One was boots just like yours, but the others were smaller. One seemed like some kind of tennis shoe and the other was like bare feet," Maya said as she recollected the scene in her head, "I don't think he's alone. I think there's someone with him. Anyway we followed the tracks and found you shouting here. Maybe he's close by."

"Let's get going then. I'm freezing to death out here," Misato led the way as the group of former NERV employees continued their search under the night sky.

The first hour passed and they had found a small two story apartment building. After clearing the two floors completely they had found nothing except for some cans of food. No sign of Shinji.

A few more hours passed and the group cleared out building after building for the ones that were still intact. Still no sign of Shinji, but on full stomachs and some regained energy the group made quicker progress.

"I don't think I can take much more of this," Hyuga groaned, his legs felt like noodles.

"Misato I'm exhausted I'm sorry," Maya collapsed onto the ground and Aoba was quickly at her side helping her up.

Even Misato could feel exhaustion eating at her despite her resolve. She was panting heavily and her head was killing her. Her legs and arms felt frail and her eyes were starting to close.

"Up there," Misato pointed to a grey apartment building that was fairly tall and still intact, "We'll clear it out and even if he isn't there we'll crash for the night, sound good?"

"Ok Misato, but that's it I can't go on either," Aoba said carrying Maya who had slung her arm around his shoulder.

The four made their way to the foot of the building exhaustion now eating at them all.

Shinji. If you're not here… I'm sorry. You're going to need to wait a little longer… I can't… I'm too tired.

Something snapped Misato's attention back up to one hundred percent. Her exhaustion momentarily left her body. The door was kicked in. Not blown back by some kind of explosion. The clear scuff marks near the handle indicated it clearly.

Hyuga seemed to have noticed too as his eyes went wide.

"Guys! I think he's here," Hyuga called out to Aoba and Maya who slugged slightly behind.

Hyuga and Misato rushed in.

"First floor clear!" Misato yelled to the others as they cleared out the rooms.

"Second clear!" Hyuga called out later.

Aoba and Maya had already taken another room on the first floor, completely worn out from exhaustion.

Misato could only hear her footsteps and the sound of her heart as it thumped against her chest. She ran up the stairs to the third floor and searched the rooms. Room after room was completely empty with glass from the windows scattered on the ground. She got to the room at the end. She was completely out of breath having used the last of her energy in her frenzy to find Shinji.

She stumbled through the room. It was the same as before except two things caught her eye. The glass from the windows had been put in a pile in the corner and the bedroom door was closed.

Misato slowly crept to the door and slid it open and her heart sank. Shinji and Asuka were in bed sleeping rolled onto their sides and facing each other.

She collapsed onto her knees and sobbed quietly making sure not to wake the sleeping teenagers. She looked around the apartment and found a mat, blanket, and pillow and put it next to the side of the bed. She laid down finally let sleep and exhaustion take her knowing that the two people who still mattered to her were safe.

"I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you... I promise," Misato whispered to herself as her eyes closed.


Shinji's eyes slowly opened. The sun outside filled the room with light. Asuka lay sleeping right in front of him sleeping peacefully. The sun glistened off her red hair and made her soft skin glow.

She looks… wow.

Her breath tickled his face as she continued sleeping. He was close enough to kiss her, just like the night before the two had faced the twin angels. Instead of feeling like he should meet her lips with his, he was overcome with shame and turned on his side to face the other way. He almost yelped and jumped out of bed. Someone was sleeping next to the bed, a red jacket with purple hair lay sprawled on the floor.

Am I hallucinating?

Without even thinking his hand lightly tugged on the shoulder of the woman who had been more of a mother to him than anyone else in his life. He could feel the warmth from her on the palm of his hand and his eyes went wide.

She's real.

"Just let me sleep a little more… I feel like crap. Kaji, just let me be," Misato mumbled.

The name sent a shudder down Shinji's back. The pony tailed man had been one of the few people who hadn't judged him or hated him. Had actually given him some direction in a point in his life when he felt his world was falling apart. That night when Misato got Kaji's message Shinji did nothing. He sat there listening to his SDAT. Sudden rage started to eat away at Shinji. Rage directed at himself.

His hand was still resting on her shoulder.

"I thought I told you..." Misato finally opened her eyes and realized she was back in reality. She sprung up with lightning speed.

Shinji gulped as he stared into her eyes, "I… I'm glad you're okay, Misato."

Before he knew it Shinji was brought into a hug of inhuman strength. He could feel her tears falling on his brown hair as she held him.

"Shinji I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, Shinji. I'm a horrible guardian. I-" Misato's whispered sob was cut off by Shinji.

In a somber and serious tone he spoke, "You shouldn't be the one apologizing Misato. It was my fault you died. It was my fault everyone died. Asuka was right. I'm pathetic."

"D-don't say that Shinji," Misato pulled away and cupped her hands around Shinji's cheeks, "Don't ever say that. I was supposed to take care of you and Asuka, but I didn't. And when… when I kissed you… I was just manipulating you again. Just using you like I had always done. I can't even tell if ever really cared for you in the first place. Maybe… maybe I was just lying to myself to make myself feel better about sending you two into battle. I don't even know anymore.." Misato trailed off.

"That's not true Misato. If that were true you wouldn't have come here. You wouldn't have tried to find me. Whatever you think you've done Misato. I forgive you. You've been the only person who's tried to care for me beside Kaworu."

"But I… I still sent you into battle."

"It's ok-"

"It's not ok!"

"Why do you even care, Misato? I'm worthless… even if I die it doesn't matter," Shinji said as he stared at the floor.

Wack! Shinji's face throbbed in pain as Misato slapped him hard.

"Don't you ever say that again, Shinji. Never again. Got it?"

"..."

"Got it!?" Misato yelled unaware of the slumbering redhead.

"Yes, Misato."

How… how can she still care for me after all I've done?

Shinji's train of thought was interrupted when Misato placed a kiss on his forehead. Not like their kiss before. There was care and tenderness in it. Something he hadn't felt since Asuka had caressed his cheek.

"Kissing him again, huh?" Asuka said as she sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes.

"W-wait! A-Asuka it's not like that!" Shinji exclaimed, trying to break out of Misato's grasp.

"Oh really? You know I saw into both your minds right, idiot?"

"Then you saw why I did it," Misato said as she hung her head in shame.

"Yeah. Both of you really are disgusting. But it's not too bad you came back. Now we have another person to help us scavenge for food," Asuka shrugged.

"Aw? Is that your way of saying you're happy I'm here Asuka?" Misato teased.

"What! No! I just… uh… I just think it's good for our survivability that's all…" Asuka trailed off looking at the floor.

"Look, Asuka, Shinji. I'm not going to try and ask for your forgiveness for not being there when you needed me, but… please… if you would allow me to help you… that would-"

"Help us? Maybe you helped Shinji, but never, not once, did you help me! After my mind was… was…," Asuka choked trying to fight back tears and the horrible memories, "After it was defiled you didn't help me. Both of you left me. Left me to curl up and die because neither of you ever cared. Never! You both never cared!"

"That's not true Asu-" Misato pleaded.

"No! I don't want to hear it! You're even worse than he is, Misato!" Asuka's eyes shot up with venemance at Misato and her voice cracked.

"I hate-"

"Stop this right now, Asuka!"

To both Asuak's and Misato's surprise it was Shinji who had yelled.

I understand why you're angry Asuka, but please.

"M-Misato wasn't there for you, you're right." Shinji looked at Asuka trying to make her understand. Misato looked at the floor accepting the harsh truth Shinji had stated.

"But, that's all the reason more I needed to be there for you… to help you-"

"I don't want your help!" Asuka screamed.

There was a long pause. The tension in the air could almost physically manifest itself as the three sat there.

"How about I cook you two breakfast?" Shinji asked.

"That would be the most useful thing you've done since I dragged your broken butt here from the beach, idiot."

Shinji got up and went to the kitchen. He looked at the fridge which still had power. The eggs inside were fresh. He turned on the stove and watched the egg crack and sizzle as the blue flame slowly cooked it. The aroma made his stomach growl. The bland noodles Asuka had made only held him over for a little bit.

It's more than I deserve, though.

"Ready!" Shinji yelled from the kitchen. He set down three plates of scrambled eggs on the table giving himself the least amount of the food.

The three sat down at the table and began eating. After huffing down her eggs Asuka let out a burp.

"I take it you liked the eggs?" Shinji asked sheepishly.

"Pretty good, idiot. First real food I've eaten in ages."

"You know, Asuka, for someone who likes to be seen as pretty, that was very un lady-like," Misato giggled.

"What!? I'm in private! I can do that if I want! You're the one who always gets drunk and passes out anyway!"

"Now, now, Asuka, did I hit a nerve? Did I embarrass you in front of that cute boy sitting over there?" Misato teased pointing to Shinji.

"Eh!?" Asuka's face blushed.

"It's ok, Asuka. I really don't mind," Shinji smiled at her.

"No idiot! That's not what I meant! I mean… Misato! Why'd you say that!" Asuka growled.

Misato leaned over to Shinji and whispered loudly in his ear so Asuka would hear, "You know when a girl gets all flustered around a guy it means she usually likes him."

Shinji blushed and looked down.

"How dare you! Be quiet you old hag!" Asuka yelled.

"Oh! Did I just bring down the wrath of the great Asuka Langley Sohryu?"

"I'll show you my wrath, woman! I'll show you-" Asuka's voice drifted as Shinji found himself in his thoughts again. Where there was once only darkness in his soul he felt something different. A light that was trying to fight it, but it was far too outmatched. Nonetheless, it was there refusing to go away. Maybe, one day, it would eat away at the darkness until nothing was left. Maybe one day. Shinji looked up at the two pretty women who were still bickering at each other.

Maybe I still hate myself, but this… this isn't bad.


She coughed on the beach and struggled for air. Her head felt hazy as she looked down at the white gloved hands that lay in front of her. She was still in her plugsuit, the white material clinging to her body. She brushed blue locks that hung in front of her face. Her memories came rushing back to her. She remembered Commander Ikari opening the plug after her failed test with Unit 00. She remembered Shinji doing the same after the fight with Ramiel. Her lips had curled upwards in what was called a smile as she looked at his melancholic eyes. She remembered saving the Second Child with the Spear of Longinus. And lastly she remembered her fight with Armisael. The angel had contaminated her and Shinji and as she activated the self destruct sequence only one word crossed her mind, "Ikari."

Rei Ayanami looked at her hand. There was no contamination, no malformed skin beneath the plugsuit. She sat up and took in her surroundings. The world was very different from how she had left it. It was destroyed and crumpled.

"Ikari," She whispered to herself again.

"Ikari means happiness to me. Is that happiness? What I felt? Is that why I saved him? I don't know these feelings. They seem foreign," Rei said as she clenched her fist.

Tears streamed down her face, but she did not sob or wail. Instead she lifted her hand and felt them as they trailed down her cheek.

"Tears. Tears of sadness? No. Tears of happiness?" Ayanami said gently touching the wet trail down her right cheek.

"Hey!" A voice called out and startled Ayanami out of her thoughts.

A man was waving to her down the beach. He was wearing tan pants and a white button down shirt.

"Did you just come back!? We got a camp over here! We have food and water! Come on over!" The man motioned with his arm and turned his back and walked away.

Ayanami's stomach growled. As she picked herself up she felt her whole body shake with pain.

I want to see him again.

Ayanami walked over in the man's direction, stumbling and occasionally falling into the sand. She hadn't felt this week since Shinji had to fight for her against Sachiel. After making her way back into the ruins of Tokyo 03 she saw the military tents and people bustling about inside them.

"What… happened? Did you succeed, Commander Ikari?" Ayanami asked herself.

A hand clamped down on her shoulder and Ayanami jumped.

"What the hell are you wearing? A bit revealing, eh? Well get into camp and we'll give you some new clothes and food," A woman said in a military outfit. Her hair and eyes were brown and she smiled at Ayanami.

"Where is Ikari?" Ayanami asked the woman.

"Uh… who? Maybe you should check the board at the sign-in tent. That's where we keep tabs on everyone who has come back."

Come back. The man had used those words also.

"Come back?" Ayanami asked quizzically.

"Yeah. You know, from the ocean? I know it sounds crazy, but a lot of stuff has happened. You don't remember anything from there?" The woman said pointing at the blood red water.

"No… I… don't. Only his face. Ikari," Ayanami whispered.

"Well like I said. Get cleaned up and go check the board. Maybe he's here. Come on, I'll show you," The woman put an arm around Ayanami and guided her to a tent. She pointed to the clothes on the bed and zipped the tent door closed.

Ayanami stripped out of her plugsuit and put on a long sleeve white shirt. She then put on a light blue skirt that seemed to match her hair color. In the mirror she looked at her reflection, her pale skin and her crimson red eyes stared back.

He's alone. He needs my help.

"I'm here Ikari. I'm here for you."

To be continued...