Harry Potter and the "What? I'm getting married?"

Disclaimer: I own nothing!

Harry sighed, rolling his head onto the desk with an audible thump. History of Magic to the rescue, again.

The Tournament was stress enough, but with the resentment of the majority of the school and the abandonment of his best friend Harry wasn't having the greatest time in the world. Not to mention the nightmares. They began at the end of his first year, following his encounter with Voldemort. And for a time they were fine, one or two a month, not too annoying, but ever since last summer he'd been having them almost every night.

Unable to sleep at night, and spending his days looking up spells for the Tournament, Harry was exhausted. At least the spells were coming easier this year. Of course, having nightmares about Voldemort's past (and he knew they were real, wasn't quite sure how, but he knew they were real) in conjunction with his increased spell learning was somewhat disturbing … especially how powerful his first attempt at a bone-breaking curse came out.

And McGonagall had just sprung this insane ball on him last night too. Said he needed to find a date and be ready to dance. He didn't even know how to dance!

But it wasn't the time to worry about any of that right now. It was the last class of the day, and it was History of Magic. That meant almost two hours of uninterrupted sleep. It meant bliss ...

"Harry! Harry!" What was that annoying sound? Was someone trying to wake him up? He wasn't even dreaming! It wasn't right to wake him up.

"G'way," he mumbled, absently swatting his hand in the direction he thought the voice came from, before deciding to ignore everything else for at least the next couple hours.

But, it was not to be. A whooshing sound was heard and then water rushed down on him.

"Hermione," he ground out, "that was not nice. And I'm wet now. Annoyed and wet."

"Honestly, Harry, class was over. I've been waiting here for you almost fifteen minutes. Even Professor Binns left. Just hit yourself with a drying charm and come to dinner. You don't want to be late, do you?"

He glared at her before standing up and moving around her. "I'm not hungry Hermione, I'm just gonna go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow."

A short trip later he dropped onto his bed, hoping that tonight wouldn't bring more nightmares. And wondering how to approach Cho to ask her to the ball …

- o O o O o -

Potions class was done for. Ron still wasn't speaking to him, not that he really cared anymore, and Hermione ran off to her Arithmancy class, but he had luxury of ambling back to the Common Room for a nap in front of the fire. At least until his feet suddenly slipped out from under him and he tumbled to the floor.

Groaning, he turned around to see what he tripped on to see an unfamiliar face with an unsettling smile.

"Why'd you trip me, Greengrass."

"The real question, Potter, is why you asked Chang to the dance. A lady might find that offensive, after all. It was nice to see how spectacularly you failed at it though."

"Cho? Why's it matter to you, Greengrass. Besides ... she said she would have agreed if she didn't already have a date."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Potter. But what I want to know is why you didn't ask me! If you ask anyone on a date, it's me! Understand!"

Harry stared at her. Had she gone insane?

"Why?"

"Why? Wow, you really are an idiot."

- o O o O o -

"So, we're engaged?"

"Yeah, that's the short of it. Before we were born, actually. Your grandfather saved my fathers life. So, to repay the debt, my father was going to give me to your dad as a mistress, but your mother really didn't like that idea. So you got me instead."

"That's kinda extreme just to repay a debt, isn't it. I mean, I don't think Ginny is engaged to me or anything."

Daphne's eyes lit up. "You mean that rumor about you, the Weasley girl, and the basilisk is true? Oh, that's perfect."

"Huh?"

"It just sweetens the deal even more. Mistress to wife is moving up in the world. Wife to wife of the Boy-Who-Lived is even better, but you took down a basilisk! Do you know how impossible that is? Only Dumbledore could do that! For you to do it when you're twelve, well, I hit the jackpot.

"A magically powerful husband, extremely powerful, with the political connections you'll have when you graduate, well, there's not much more a witch can ask for."

"But …"

"Of course, if you saved her life too … I'm surprised they haven't approached you with a marriage offer yet. Maybe they knew about our contract? It doesn't matter. I suppose I could tolerate a mistress if I had to, but I could discourage it of course … "

"But …"

"No buts. We're engaged, live with it. We'll talk next week about how to coordinate our clothes for the ball, and make sure you can dance to my satisfaction. Right now, let's go find an abandoned classroom, I want to see how much power you put into your spells. And, if you're a good boy, well, maybe I'll let your hands wander a bit."

Harry stood there stupefied as she started to walk away. She was putting a sway into her hips and …

… "Come on, Potter, what are you waiting for?"

- o O o O o -

Harry stood nervously in front of the entrance to the Slytherin common room. It may have been a bit awkward to have Daphne forced on him as a fiance, but it was also a great relief. They got along reasonably well, she wasn't ugly, and it let him avoid the pain of having to actually court a girl.

Well, maybe not. She had made him escort her around Hogsmeade a couple weeks ago. But at least the courting process was simplified. He already had the girl, he just had to learn how to get along with her.

Malfoy stepped out behind a statue of Salazar with Pansy Parkinson on his arm, and he was followed by several pairs of older students. Tracey Davis was next, apparently deciding to go to the ball by herself, finally followed by Daphne.

"So, Potter," she drawled out, "Do I pass?"

"You look … beautiful." Daphne was dressed in a burgundy robe with gold linings. Gryffindor colors. "Are you trying to make a statement?"

She smiled and chose not to answer his question. "You don't look too bad yourself. The hair, well, I've given up on that. Ready to go?"

He smiled and gave her his arm. Maybe this dance wouldn't be half bad after all.

And it wasn't.

Harry was a little nervous during the opening dance, during all his dances to be perfectly honest, but Dapnhe had trained him well enough so that even though he may not be the most graceful dancer in the world he at least wasn't stepping on her toes. That was good enough for him.

Ron freaked out, of course, that he brought a Slytherin as his date. Their friendship had recovered somewhat after the first task, but it looked to be heading backwards again.

Hermione was also suspicious of his date. As far as she knew he and Daphne had never spent time together before. Then again, she didn't have much of a leg to stand on, she came with Victor Krum.

Daphne had led him outside after the dance was over, and was now using the opportunity to hold onto his arm and snuggle into his side.

"Harry," she said, finally calling him by his first name.

"Yeah, Daphne."

"You're far too nice for your own good, and I'm starting to like you a little bit, so I suppose I should be honest with you."

"About what?"

"My plans for you."

"A little explanation please."

"The rumors say you've been raised by muggles, so I you might not know that among purebloods, and even some fullbloods, marriage contracts are quite common. When a girl enters a contract she has two choices. She can marry her contract or marry someone else and be cast out of her family. Those who try and run usually don't make it far.

"I was very lucky to get contracted to you. You're my age, powerful, and will one day be politically connected. Slytherin is about ambition, Harry. It's a man's world out there, and while there technically isn't any discrimination against women there are expectations about us. And those that don't fulfill those expectations usually don't go very far. Marrying you would allow me to fulfill all my ambitions."

"To tell you the truth, Daphne. I don't really care. If you haven't noticed in the last month, I'm not very good with emotions. I was actually kinda relieved that day you tripped me, I didn't have to worry about the future as much then. Stay loyal to me, and I'll help you with whatever I can, assuming it's not too illegal of course."

"Too illegal?"

"Well, the Ministry is pretty restrictive, you know. Wouldn't surprise me if one day they start charging a breathing tax or something as ridiculous as that."

"Gryffindors boldy go, huh? Well, I'll promise my loyalty. Will you help me become Minister of Magic? There hasn't been a female Minister in over five hundred years, and the only female cabinet member in the government is Amelia Bones right now. I want to even the playing field a bit."

"Girl power? Sure."

"Good, Harry. Now, shut up and kiss me."

- o O o O o -

"Mr. Potter, you stand here before us today facing the charges of ending a noble lineage. How do you plead?"

"Well, first I'd like to point out the insanity of the Ministry for accusing me of murder when the man I killed was a known terrorist … and actually had a bounty on his head. By the way, I've not yet been paid for that.

"Also, I would say that when Voldemort killed my parents 18 years ago he started a blood feud with the Potter family, and that I'm well within my rights to kill him.

"And thirdly, I'd have to say it was self defense. He was the one who hunted me down and started attacking. It was his own fault that I was stronger and more competent than him."

"Nevertheless, Mr. Potter, a noble family is no longer in existence. The last Slytherin is gone, and it is because of your actions. There must be repercussions. As the Minister of Magic, I recommend that the court finds Mr. Potter guilty, and sentences him to a sentence of no less than life in Azkaban."

"Listen, Fudge. The only reason you're even having this farce of a trial is because you think I'm a threat to your reelection. And you would be right there. But really, give me some credit. I just killed Voldemort, the man considered to be the strongest dark wizard in over six millennia. And that's only because that's how far back Ministry records go. Do you really think Azkaban can hold me?"

"Members of the court! Listen to this madman! He has just admitted that should you find him guilty he would escape from his sentence! We must give him the Kiss, immediately!"

Fudge's tirade went on a bit longer, but thankfully no one was really paying attention to him. Wizengamot members had most likely already made up their minds before the trial ever began, and little could really be done to change a stubborn witch's or wizard's mind.

Finally, a court clerk received a verdict and brought it to Auror Captain Scrimgeour to read.

"This is the judgement of the court to Harold James Potter. Under the charge of ending a noble line, this wizard is found guilty. Due to the nature of said line ending, the court cannot in good conscience fine or imprison Mr. Potter. However, the law demands that Mr. Potter be held accountable for these actions. Therefore, it is the decision of this court that Mr. Potter be banished from Magical England for a length of three hundred years. Should he return before that time is up he is to serve the remaining portion of his sentence in Azkaban. Mr. Potter has seventy two hours to leave the nation."

Harry sighed, before snapping his wrists to break the chains holding him to his court chair. Fudge and some members of the Wizengamot were disturbed by the display of power, but Harry ignored them in favor of heading towards the exit.

"Sorry, Daphne."

"It's not your fault, Harry. I suppose we could always overthrow the government... "

"No. I'm more inclined to just ignore them really."

"Well, I suppose it's time to wake up then. My dreams are over."

"Actually, I have another idea. As hard as it is to believe, the Muggle governments are even more corrupt than the Ministry. Some spy work, a little veritaserum, add in some blackmail … do you want to take over the world Daphne?"

She smiled. "You always did know how to show a girl a good time, Potter."

And with two soft pops, they disappeared.

A/N: There might be a few more chapters, but they won't be strictly HP. I'm going to use this chapter as a baseline for any future Harry Potter crossovers. I already have a Stargate one in the works, and I really want to do a Chuck one, but I'm not sure how to make it believable.

A/N2: Ginny won't ever be a mistress. I was just trying to avoid a plot hole with that paragraph. For those who want to know, Bill accepts Ginny's debt, and a daughter of his gets married to one of Harry's sons.

A/N3: The 'in my head' model for Daphne is Michelle Trachtenberg (maybe moving towards Olivia Wilde).