Author's note: this story was started before the release of Star Wars Rebels S04E13 "A world between worlds", so it has to be considered an AU after the episodes "Twilight of the Apprentice."
Contains elements from the EU: references to Jedi Apprentice, Clone Wars novels, KotOR I and II, with possible spoilers
Since some of you have been asking, I'm sorry to disappoint but there won't be any Anisoka in this fic. I'm not against that pairing but I really think that their relationship is perfect as it is. The pairings are those established in canon, plus a minor background relationship for Ahsoka in her previous timeline, set sometimes before the start of Rebels.
Trigger warnings: brief reference to suicidal thoughts in chapter 4; canon typical-violence, including torture, slaughter, dead younglings, removal of limbs and all the happy SW stuff we all love.
Triggger warnings with possible SPOILER: character deaths (I'm not spoiling who or when, also because I may change my mind as I write. There are minor deaths throughout the story and there could be major towards the ending. We are at war, after all.)
"Perhaps I was wrong."
The mechanical voice echoed in the vast hall under the summit of the pyramid, ricocheting off the pillars across the floor.
Not even Grievous's vocalizator had ever been able to produce a voice so sickening, so… inhuman. That creature had been a malevolent and homicidal monster. A foul thing, but nothing a trained Jedi couldn't deal with. Nothing any warrior couldn't deal with, indeed; only his artificially enhanced combat skills had made him a threat only a Jedi could vanquish.
But this monster was of a completely different sort.
There he was – he, or it? – towering over the terrified child, arms raised, ready to deal the fatal blow with his crimson blade, a ghastly vision born from the most horrific nightmare.
As a trained Force Sensitive, Ahsoka Tano was able sense the frantic swirling of the Force around him: he was mustering the Force, possessed by the desire to dominate it, to impose his own will over that of the Force itself. Fear, anger, hate oozed from his figure in a miasma of terror. She could taste it, foul in her mouth.
In looking at him she could almost see rage swirling in red flashes around a black well of agony. At the end of the well, noting but void.
It was impossible to believe that this thing had once be a man.
What could make anyone sink this deep?
A single question was raging in her mind. Could… could he have sunk this deep, consciously rejecting everything he'd ever been, everything he'd ever believed in and fought for?
She had to shut herself out from her own thoughts, because they where leading her where she couldn't go, not now.
As much as she craved to know the identity of the person behind the mask, the dread that came with the anticipation was too dangerous to be let free to roam. After what her vision in the now lost temple on Lothal, she had not been able to think about anything else. She wanted to open herself to the Force and extend her senses along that most cherished bond, the one that had suddenly snapped close on that dreadful night, long years ago, when her Master had been lost to her. The night when the overwhelming flood of emotions and boiling love that had been Anakin Skywalker had abruptly disappeared into the void, leaving her alone in a galaxy suddenly turned dark.
But she could not allow herself to pursue her wish, not now, not with so much at stake.
She feared what she could find at the other end of that bond. She dreaded to find the presence she had felt coming from that TIE Advanced when she and Kanan had stretched their senses to reach to the imperial pilot who was decimating their fleet: the fear, the anger, the hate, a presence they had not felt since the Clone Wars. And she just couldn't afford being overwhelmed by fear right now.
She let her Jedi training flow inside her, enfolding her in its protective shields. She was a Jedi no more, she had found her own way, but she had retained what, of her previous life, could help her survive in her lonely fight.
It was the time to let him know she was there.
"It wouldn't be the first time", she proclaimed, fiery defiance burning in her voice.
Yes, it couldn't be the first time: whoever this monster had been before, whatever fate had befallen him, the decision to sink this deep into the Dark Side had been wrong, could not have been anything but wrong.
Darth Vader froze, his arms still raised for the killing blow.
As he slowly turned towards her, Ahsoka felt a surge of black dread blocking her thoughts, a dark energy like nothing she had felt before.
She still remembered the feeling of Dooku's dark presence on Tatooine, when Anakin had engaged him to give her enough time to bring little Stinky to safety. She remembered how, as the Twilight descended into Tatooine's atmosphere, the warm feeling of the Force had suddenly grown cold, and how everything had suddenly felt tainted, touched by a malevolent presence of evil.
But Dooku's dark presence had been not even remotely close to this.
This was worse than death itself.
She couldn't even feel the Force anymore. Everything around Vader was a perversion of the Force, enacted by a will strengthened by unbearable despair. She couldn't bear it.
But she had to.
She forced herself to remember her training, Anakin's training.
There is no death, there is the Force.
This part of the Jedi Code still rang true to her, even after all this time.
Anakin's voice echoed in her mind. A memory from all those years ago, from that horrific mission on Onderon.
Ahsoka, remember what I told you about staying focused. Always put purpose ahead of your feelings.
It was an anchor in a storming sea and she clutched to it, fighting the waves of darkness.
Her shields were up again, strong and unyielding, built with the force of her fondest memories. The Force of her fondest memories.
And the Jedi taught that attachments were wrong. How fool they all had been, trying so hard to detach themselves from emotion, when it was only the power of one's feelings that could give the strength to go on in times like these.
The darkness receded. She was a pillar of light, untouched by the horrors of Malachor.
The pillar of shadows that was Darth Vader was now facing her, the frightened, brave Ezra at last forgotten.
"It was foretold that you would be here. Our long-awaited meeting has come at last."
Ghastly, the mechanic voice filled the Sith temple.
A part of her, the most stubborn part, searched the sound for the echo of her Master's voice.
She wanted, needed to know, yet she could not risk losing her strength. She had to get Vader away from the holocron, she needed to buy time for Ezra and Kanan to fetch it and run. If that meant giving upe her life, she was more than ready to sacrifice it. Her life in trade for a spark of hope for the galaxy. She couldn't even call it a sacrifice.
To allow them to escape, that was her priority. Then, she would find a way to know the truth.
Another surge of love blossomed in her heart as a mischievous smile that sparkled in two caring and amused green-blue eyes resurfaced from her memories. Master Kenobi, bickering with the enemy before a fight to postpone the confrontation until reinforcements arrived. Just as she had to do now, taunt the Sith lord to buy time for her friends.
"I'm glad I gave you something to look forward to."
She vaguely asked herself if Master Kenobi would have been proud of her: her voice had been almost steady, but stained by a bitter edge. Anyway, she didn't need the impudence of the infamous Negotiator: it was not like she was going to sign a treaty with the Sith anyway. She was just delaying the inevitable.
With a hiss, Vader's crimson blade disappeared.
It had worked, apparently. After all, she was Kenobi's grandpadawan.
"We need not be enemies", the Sith lord said, apparently trying – and failing – to look less menacing. "The Emperor will show you mercy if you tell me where the remaining Jedi can be found."
Anger now surged in her blood. Remaining Jedi? Two Padawans and a child, and they were right in front of him.
"There are no Jedi. You and your Inquisitors have seen to that."
The contempt in her voice could pierce the air.
But now there was a glimpse of hope. Maybe he really knew about other surviving Jedi. But who?
Yoda?
Admittedly, after the vision that had visited her and Ezra on Lothal, she strongly suspected that Yoda was still alive, waiting for the turn of the tide to come back from whichever mists of the Force were concealing him. With his wisdom, he may have survived the ordeal of Order 66 and have been strong enough to let Sidious unleash his evil on the galaxy, renouncing to rush to the attack but waiting in the shadows until the moment when true peace and justice could be restored. But she could not afford to think about him, not there in front of Vader.
Obi-Wan?
No, that was not possible either. Bail had told her that he had died fighting a Sith Lord on Mustafar after having rerouted the Jedi beacon. Moreover, Obi-Wan Kenobi would have never stood by and let this all happen without a fight, not in this galaxy. He and his ferocious, righteous sense of justice… He could not have lived through this horror, he was not Master Yoda. Kenobi was a man of action, he would have been part of the rebellion. General Kenobi, the Aggressive Negotiator, a flaming blue light bringing hope to the galaxy. Obi-Wan was dead, most likely at the hands of Vader himself. How many other Sith Lords could there be, after all?
For less than a second, she dared to hope, truly hope. If he intended to use her as a tool to find another Jedi, maybe it could be…
No. No, Anakin was dead. On that fateful night, across half the galaxy she had felt his feelings: wrath, outraged sense of betrayal and the deepest pain... an explosion of darkness... and then only silence.
Nothing more, ever. Anakin was dead.
And anyway, better dead than… but no, she couldn't afford following her thoughts to their conclusions.
"Perhaps this child will confess what you will not."
The mechanical voice brought her back to reality, and to contempt and relief.
Contempt, for the vileness of this monster. Relief, because now she could really hope that her fears had been unfounded.
If she were to find a word to describe Anakin Skywalker, compassion would be the word. The former slave boy would never, never threat to harm a defenseless child.
Not in this word, not in another.
Never.
Relief, waves of relief flooded her heart.
Vader was not Anakin. Anakin could never have become Vader.
How could she had even remotely thought that he could have?
"I was beginning to believe I knew who you were behind that mask, but it's impossible. My master could never be as vile as you."
There was righteous purpose in her words, yet it felt to her like her voice was more similar to that of her younger self than it ever had been in the recent years. There was too much sorrow. Too many memories. Too much pain.
But now she was ready to fight and try to destroy this monster once and for all.
Do or do not. There is no try.
Now it was Yoda's voice, resonating in her memories. He was right. She would put an end to this. And if she failed, she would die knowing that she had done her best, not only tried to.
Oh, what would she give to know that Master Yoda was alive.
"Anakin Skywalker was weak. I destroyed him."
The utter, definitive sense of loss crashed over her.
She closed her eyes.
He was dead. Gone. Forever.
And then, together with the raising grief, an awful knowledge dawned on her.
She had almost wished that Darth Vader was Anakin. She had loved her Master so much that she'd almost wished it was him. She felt so ashamed, she did not deserve to have had him as her Master. He would have killed himself before he turned to the Dark Side.
She had almost wished it was him because, if it were, she could still have hoped to turn him back and have him again by her side. She couldn't hope to bring him back from the dead.
She felt once again the rush of unspeakable agony that had been the last glimpse of her Master through their bond.
Now she knew how he had died, slain by this foul cyborg. What could this monster have done to Anakin to cause him such agony?
Anakin must have seen the 501st turning on him, he must have witnessed the slaughter in the Temple.
He must have realised that Palpatine had been behind everything.
He must have been the last one standing among the dead Jedi.
She felt again the deep shame of her desertion. Why, why had she decided to go, leaving him alone against the Sith? They should have died together, Master and Apprentice, side by side, one protecting the other.
She had abandoned him then, and now she had just betrayed his memory once again, being so selfish as to hope it was him.
There was only one thing she could do for him now, for her dear Master, her big brother, her beloved Anakin.
Her eyes snapped open.
"Then I will avenge his death."
Even as she spoke, she felt the light shining through her, stronger than ever, notwithstanding the venom in her voice. She sought revenge, but without malice. She sought revenge and justice.
She hated Vader because she had loved Anakin.
The two feelings balanced each other.
She was deeply rooted in the Force.
"Revenge is not the Jedi way."
Oh, how it hurt, the mockery in the monster's voice. He didn't know, he couldn't know that Anakin had once uttered those same words.
But there was no foolish sense of self-imposed guilt to restrain her now.
She gritted her teeth, her battle stance ready, her hilts in her hands in a regular grip, like Anakin had always wanted her to fight. No reverse grip this time, she would avenge him properly, as he had taught her.
This was the fight of her life.
For Obi-Wan. For the 501st, the 212th. For the innumerable lives lost.
For Anakin.
For the Republic.
"I am no Jedi."
Her lightsabers came to life with a familiar hiss. Devoid of all color, pure light. Nor Jedi, nor Sith.
She felt pain, anger, hate. But she didn't nurture her power on them. She cherished them. These feelings measured the depth of her love.
And she had no fear.
Only the Force.
Ahsoka asked the Force to help her reach her goal.
Darth Vader mustered the Force to answer his will.
She run, leapt, and the battle begun.
Strike, parry, crawl.
When she Force-pushed him away to avoid his saber, he fell to his knees. He looked up, and she could feel his icy gaze from behind the mask.
He had understood that she was an adversary to be reckoned with. She leapt again.
He stroke and parried with brutal strength, single powerful slashes meant to cut through her defense and slice her. She put all her agility to use, leaping, dodging, diving, spinning.
There was nothing but their fight, Anakin's apprentice against Anakin's murderer.
But she just couldn't keep her ground. With his powerful blows Vader was forcing her back, out in the open, towards the end of the platform on which the top level of the Sith temple was built.
In a glimpse of lucidity amidst the frenzy of the duel she wished she'd practiced more Soresu with Master Kenobi. But then, Soresu's strength was resilience, waiting to tire out the opponent and take advantage of the first error caused by weariness. Hard to put it at use against such war machine: she didn't think Vader could be tired out, ever.
Now she wasn't even dodging anymore. All she could do was keep her sabers high and fight for dear life. For Ezra and Kanan's lives.
Parrying was becoming more and more difficult. She was tired already, Vader's physical power was too superior to hers, and even her agility and her skills couldn't outmatch the disrupting vigor with which the cyborg counterbalanced his lack of mobility.
Their blades met. It was up to a duel of strength now.
She called on the Force to intensify her grip, but he was too strong for her. He crushed her guard, sending her arms backwards. Yet his blow was too slow, and she was able to recover and parry the slash. The recoil from the parry spun her sabers sideways, and Vader caught the opening, Force-pushing her down the side of the temple.
She fell, and fell, with only the strength left to cushion herself when she impacted the mid-level floor. And there she was, crushed but alive, surrounded by the mummified remains of Jedi and Sith who had died millennia ago in another instance of the unending struggle of light against dark.
She knew she had given everything she could in the fight, opening herself to the Force, using her skills and her agility to outmatch her foe; but the physical strength of his cybernetic limbs was overwhelming, and his command of the Force, of this raw Force… that was something she had never met, not fighting Greivous or Ventress. She was sure not even Dooku had been so utterly surrounded by the Dark Side, almost to the point of being lost in it.
What kind of evil was this?
But she didn't have the time to ponder the thought, because in that moment the temple started to collapse.
Purpose first.
She rose and leapt, Force-jumping on the stone stairways until she reached once again the summit of the temple.
Vader was there, Force-pulling the holocron from Ezra's grip towards his own hand, while the boy and Kanan struggled to keep it away from him.
She didn't even need to think: her body did what it had learnt to do years ago, on the day when she'd first held a lightsaber.
Reverse grip in both hands, the comforting hum of her lit blades, she run, giving everything she had – everything she was – into the Force.
Vader felt her and turned, his saber raised, ready to strike. She screamed for the exertion and leapt, pushing Vader's saber sideways and striking with all the strength she had gathered in her desperation.
Vader yelled. She had hit.
She crashed onto the floor, rolling away from her enemy.
"Ahsoka… Come on, hurry!"
Ezra's frantic call reached her through the haze of weariness. Ahsoka didn't have anything more to give, she was just glad to have bought time for them. She had not failed, and even if she couldn't reach them in time, she would die content.
But yet she could try to live... she mustered all her will to rise on her feet. Her main saber still clutched in her right hand, sue pulled herself to her knees, breathing heavily. One last effort…
"Ahsoka."
Her eyes opened wide, and the world stopped.
She didn't even reach into the Force. It didn't matter, nothing else mattered anymore.
It was just her and Vader in the galaxy, and everything now revolved around them, the two of them, the center of gravity of the universe.
She turned. She had to see him with her own eyes.
He turned and raised his head.
Her blow had struck him on the left side of his mask, leaving a still smoking hole through which she could see his cheek and his eye.
A yellow eye.
"Ahsoka."
A Sith eye, a true Sith eye.
Not even Dooku had had true Sith eyes. She had learnt about them only from history holobooks and from Master Kenobi's accounts of Darth Maul and of Anakin's and her own forced fall on Mortis.
But she'd never seen it.
A Sith eye.
Anakin Skywalker's eye.
She would have recognized Anakin Skywalker's eyes until her last breath, and even after, no matter their color.
Anakin. Anakin.
She had always known, known ever since that day on the Ghost, even if she had lied to herself all along.
His body, his stance, even his voice. All deformed, mechanized distortions of that perfect achievement of nature that had been Anakin Skywalker. She had pretend not to recognize them, she had hidden the truth from herself, using the cybernetics as a pathetic excuse. She had hoped, when he had taunted Ezra.
But she could not deny his eyes, the eyes of the person she had loved most and who had loved her most.
Her master, brother, friend, comrade.
"Anakin."
Her call was almost a plea.
Why had it happened? How? It was all her fault, just as he had told her in the temple on Lothal. She had abandoned him, failed him. She had left him alone to face his demons. It was all her fault.
But it didn't matter now, nothing else mattered.
Something in her snapped open, and through their old bond she was flooded by an ocean of shrieking agony, coming from the black figure struggling to pull himself on his feet.
"I won't leave you!", she yelled, pouring all her will and her love in her voice and into the Force towards him.
"Not this time."
Nevermore. They were together, as they were always meant to be.
She locked her eyes into his, counting the passing moments with his heavy breaths, waiting for his eye to turn once again bright blue, as Anakin's eyes had been when they had first met, all those years ago on Christophsis, a powerful Jedi and a cheeky child.
It didn't turn blue.
The yellow flame burned, more vicious then ever.
She was suddenly afraid, but not for herself. Never again she would care for herself more than she cared for him.
Anakin grimaced.
"Then… you will die."
A crimson blade sparked to life, staining his yellow eye in red.
She shrank, only slightly, and blinked. She didn't falter.
She was not going to leave him, come what may.
He advanced, merciless.
"Ahsoka!"
Ezra's voiced pierced the silence, afraid and imploring.
Nothing else mattered. This was her world, from that moment on, forever.
She Force-pushed Ezra away, and as the collapsing temple shut him out, she lit her lightsabers to ward off Anakin's blow.
They fought, dancing among the falling debris, as they had done so many times in the training dojo, in the training grounds, on the Dauntless bridge to the crew's amusement, in their camps.
She gave herself to the Force for the fight. She didn't plan on winning. It didn't matter anymore. She needed only to stay alive long enough to bring him back.
"I won't leave you, Anakin! Never again!"
The Force made her duck and thrust her shoto sideways, to intercept a downward blow.
"I will stay with you until I have you back."
He Force-pushed her away, turning off his saber with an hiss.
"There is not turning back. Your old Master is no more."
"I don't believe you!", she yelled. "You know who you are, who you can be. Come with me, Anakin. Come to me."
"You are a fool, apprentice."
She leapt backwards, away from his reach, and deactivated her sabers with a hiss, throwing them on the ground.
Darth Vader halted, but didn't lower his guard.
"You should never let your guard down."
She laughed, a shaken, mirthless sound.
"It doesn't matter, Anakin. Not anymore. I won't go away, I won't leave you to face this darkness alone. I should never have. I will die by your side, and if that means I will die by your hand, so be it."
A tear was running down her cheek, but she didn't care. She could feel the temple collapsing all around her. If she couldn't turn him back, she hoped at least to be able to keep him inside the temple long enough to trap him in its fall. They would die side by side, as they should have when the Jedi had fallen.
"You know nothing of me. There is nothing back."
His words were a blade spinning inside her.
"You have me, Anakin."
"Anakin is no more."
Another hiss, and the crimson blade was once again swinging towards her.
Ahsoka fell on the floor, ready for the execution.
I said I will die trying.
As she waited for the killing blow, she opened herself for the last time to the Force, letting go of everything, of herself, her life, her soul. She let go of everything that was hers, save him. She could never let go of Anakin.
Then she yelled into the Force, bringing down the temple upon them.
The killing blow never came.
The Sith temple collapsed, and the world imploded.
