BOOOOOM!

There was a huge explosion caused by a Focus Blast from Keldeo.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .

Keldeo activated his Secret Sword and swung it, causing a flash of light.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .

Kyurem the Critic gave a genuine smile as he watched a slide show of highlights from his reviews.

Spike the Snob tipped his black top hat.

I'LL FACE IT WITH A GRIN!

"NO SHIP, SHERLOCK!" Intoxiquer the Crobat shouted in Genesect's face.

I'M NEVER GIVING IN!
ON WITH THE SHOW!

Meloetta sat down with Madoka the Fennekin and Damian the Meloetta on either side of her.

Imperator Justinian shook Keldeo's forehoof.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .

Arceus the Critic glared at Mew as she floated near a stone replica of him.

"SHUT UP!" shouted Anthony the Zoroark and Ian the Lucario.

THE SHOW MUST GO ON!

Go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .

Ryu Taylor the ferret and bent water into a small stream and spun it around to slap each of the Mane Six in the face.

I'LL TOP THE BILL, I'LL OVERKILL!

Jack Storm sprung awake and jumped onto his feet, wearing his robes and ready for battle.

Matthais Unidostres and BrickBrony1894 bro-hoofed.

I HAVE TO FIND THE WILL TO CARRY ON!
On. . . with the show. . .

On. . . with the show. . .

"FORESHADOWING!" Munna exclaimed.

"V-WHEEEEEEEL!" Victini exclaimed.

"MUSIC!" Floyd the Pichu shouted while holding his guitar high.

"RAAAAR!" Zoroark roared comically as his held his arms up and shook them.

SHOW!

Keldeo stood up on his hindlegs in his Resolute Form, his Secret Sword shining brightly.

The show must go on!

Go on. . . go on. . . go on. . . go on. . .go on. . .go on. . .

Keldeo the Critic- Season Six

Episode 1: Editorial 1 - Pokemon TF Stories

"It's me! Keldeo the Critic! I review it so you don't have to!" Keldeo said cheerfully, "And it's time for Season Six! Woo-hoo!"

Keldeo backflipped with joy, and then he said, "Okay, so I've been at this reviewing thing for quite a while. I mean, come on, Season Six? It's crazy!"

Keldeo nodded and said, "So, I really want to start this new season off in a different direction. You see, I want this season's episodes to have more focus on the details. I want to kinda look at things with a more critical eye, and to better balance out positives and negatives. And I really think that the topic of this episode looks like a good way to get me into that mood."

Keldeo bobbed his head and said, "So, today I'm gonna talk about Pokemon TF Stories. Now, TF stands for transformation, meaning that these stories are about humans transforming into Pokemon."

Floyd the Pichu walked in playing his guitar and singing.

"Abra-cadabra! Change-o, range-o-ree!"

Keldeo blinked and said, "Uh, Floyd?"

"If I recite these words just right their magic will change me!"

"Floyd, no one's gonna get this refence," Keldeo said.

Floyd stopped playing and said, "What do you mean, Keldeo? This song is a classic!"

Keldeo sighed and turned and called out, "Victini!"

Victini flew in and said, "Yeah, Keldeo?"

"Do you know where that song Floyd was singing is from?" Keldeo asked.

"It's from Tennessee Tuxedo and His Tales, in the episode Wreck of a Record. The cartoon ran from 1963 to 1966 on CBS, was made by the same people who made the Underdog cartoon. It got a brief revival on YouTube in 2014," Victini recited plainly.

Keldeo's jaw had dropped, and he stared wide eyed at Victini. Then he closed his mouth and huffed, "Yeah, yeah, I get what's going on. Matthais told you about it so you could mess with me. Ha-ha."

Victini smirked and said, "You got it! Later!"

As Victini flew off, Keldeo turned and said, "Well, anyway, so yeah, Pokemon TF Stories. Now, you're probably thinking, 'So what, Keldeo? You already reviewed a story like that: Kevin and Buizel and its remake Kevin the Buizel by SukottoDeragon.'"

Keldeo sighed and said, "Well, you see, Pokemon TF Stories are. . . different. For one thing, don't expect to find any FanFictionNet! As far as I know, they only exist on sites like DeviantArt and maybe Wattpad for reasons that will become clear later on."

Keldeo shrugged and said, "But that's not one of the actual requirements for these stories. Now, for a story to actually be an official Pokemon TF Story, it needs to be a oneshot that focuses only on the main character and that character's transformation, and when I say focus, I mean really focus. The transformation needs to be slow, described in the greatest of detail, and take up the majority of the story. Sure, SukottoDeragon did describe Kevin's transformation in detail, with growing fur and bones breaking and reforming, but those were full multi-chapter stories with many interacting characters and plot points."

Keldeo thought for a moment, then he said, "It's kinda like. . . a Fanfic is a full meal, and a Pokemon TF Story is a Poffin or a Pokepuff or a candy bar. It's something short and sweet that's meant to hit a certain point and that's it. That's probably why they're on DeviantArt and Wattpad instead of FanFictionNet. They're not full stories."

Keldeo pouted as he thought for another moment, then he said, "You know, I think a candy bar is the best comparison here, because candy bars can be filled with nearly anything, some candy bars are better or worse than others, and you may not always want to eat a sticky candy bar. Sometimes all the chocolate and nougat and caramel is just too much on your teeth and. . .uh. . ."

Keldeo smiled sheepishly and said, "Heh-heh. I kinda went on a Scorbunny trail there . . ."

Keldeo huffed and said, "Okay, look, it's hard for me to say whether or not Pokemon TF Stories are good right away. First, I really need to go through the formula that these stories all use."

Keldeo gave a curt nod and said, "Pokemon TF Stories usually start off with our main character, who is a human not in the Pokemon world. Sure, it can take place in the Pokemon world, but having it be a human not used to the even the presence of Pokemon adds more impact to the transformation. The main character then goes about his or her normal life, or sometimes gripes about some sort of problem."

Keldeo grew a bit excited as he went on, "Now, this is where these stories can really, really shine. Since these are oneshots, the author has to put as much detail, backstory, and characterization as possible into the main character as possible so we can get to know them in such a short amount of time. If we don't know who they are or what kind of people they are, then why should we care about them? And if we don't care about them, then we won't ger invested or have any concern for them when they transform. Because of this, Pokemon TF Stories usually have some great characterization because it needs it. A great example of this is in Healing Flame by confusedkangaroo on DeviantArt.


"Ok, Mrs Phillips. I'll see you again next week."

Hope aided the old lady to the door, wished her well again, and then returned to her small room to collect her belongs. She took several long moments of pause just to sigh. Nursing wasn't the same as what it used to be, with so many rules and regulations, cuts in pay and pensions, and most of all fear. Fear that either the nurse herself would be abused, or the other way around. It was a tough area that she worked in, so much so that there was CCTV everywhere. Nothing escaped the manager's notice.

Finally, Hope retrieved her coat and, without even a flicker of a glance at her colleagues chatting over a boiling kettle, strolled out and drove home. She'd get a pizza tonight, it being Friday and all. Thank goodness for the weekend! Yet, she missed the days when she dreaded the weekends.

She patted her blond hair out of the way and smoothed her blue uniform while waiting in traffic, thinking about the past. Hope's dream had always been to be a nurse, and with her country practically crying out for them, it was super easy to get qualified and then get a job. It had been so fulfilling once. The patients looked like they genuinely were thankful for the help, every colleague got on and they'd hardly had any complaints. Then they got some new doctor, may his name never be spoken of, who seemed nice and funny, only for it to be revealed that he hadn't been treating some of his patients in a professional manner. The result had been devastating to the doctors' practice she worked in. So great had this been that the practice had been forced to close and Hope to find employment elsewhere. She'd actually been really fortunate in getting a job so soon, when everyone else struggled, but Hope would rather she was in their position. This practice had instantly distrusted her, as if she had upset the norm, her pay was cut for no reason and she'd had three patients try to, well, make 'advances' on her. Looking just like one of those models didn't really help, not that she had much control over her body. It had made her once cheery blue eyes turn to ice.


"The story really does a good job in helping us get to know and care about Hope Phillips," Keldeo said, looking quite pleased and impressed with the story, "She's a nurse who lost her job due to no fault of her own, she's become disillusioned with her career when it became less about helping people and more about money and rules, and she's struggling due to other people's assumptions about her. Great writing!"

"Anyway, after we've gotten to know our main character, we then move onto the next step: a mysterious object. This object can be anything. It can be a crystal, a stick, a candle, a rock, literally anything. It's touching or using this object that triggers the transformation. The human doesn't fully catch on at first as they slowly start changing, but as the transformation continues with in-depth descriptions of fur growing, and arms and legs changing in length, and faces morphing, and borderline creepy stuff like that; it eventually ends with a revelation of what he or she has become, along with acceptance and amazement at their new form."

Keldeo chuckled a bit and said, "Yeah, more or less, the main character is okay with the transformation, and that makes sense. I can understand why many Pokemon fans would love to actually be a Pokemon."

Keldeo then frowned and said, "But, in spite of good writing and a solid formula, Pokemon TF Stories do have some issues that kinda make them hard for the average person to enjoy. First off, while I did mention that there's always a certain item that triggers the transformation, it seems more like a meaningless excuse than an actual reason. For example, let's take a look at Procrastination Proclamation by TheEXxtra on DeviantArt."


A louder clink was heard, influencing Diane to put her pencil down and to open the window, grabbing the airplane.

Reading it to herself, Diane said "Hold still. Don't ask. Seriously." Suddenly, a tiny ache sneaked onto her head.

She winced, pinching her forehead to find a weird looking pebble. The lady assumed it was all a stupid prank and leaned out the window to find the culprit. She found no one, cueing her to crumple up the note and throw it out the window.


Keldeo looked confused as he said, "Okay. . . so someone used a magic pebble to cause Diane's transformation. But why? Is someone just going around throwing. . ." Keldeo frowned as he tried to gather his thoughts, ". . .Magical. . . Pokemon transformation pebbles at people? What makes this person so special that she should get transformed in a Braixen? The same problem is present in Healing Flame."


She'd never met the person opposite her, but it turned out to be a young red headed man in a purple hoodie. Looked a little too young to have a home of his own, but she'd always been bad at judging ages. For all Hope knew, he could be the same age as her. He smiled and handed her the brown parcel, saying that he'd hoped it was whatever it was she was after. Strange boy.

Hope left him and opened it, gasping in surprise. It was a candle, with beautiful yellow wax that gradually turned white then red, with a small wick at the top. Maybe someone from her old practice had thought of her and sent her this as a present. Without hesitation, she set it on the side, lit it, turned off the light above her head and then sank down in the only chair in the room.


"Why would this random guy give this random woman a random magic candle that randomly turns her into a Braixen," Keldeo asked with a frown, "And that's a lot of random! Sure, she's had a hard time with being a nurse, but in that case, wouldn't it make more sense for the guy to turn her into an Audino or a Chansey or some other Pokemon that's normally known to work with Nurse Joy. But that still wouldn't work because how does this guy know anything about her? They never met, so it just seems weird and random. Is he a stalker? A mind reader? WHAT!?"

Keldeo relented a bit and said, "But to be fair, there are some stories that do provide an explanation. For instance, in Siren's Song by WeebWriteMan on DeviantArt, these nameless spirits of the sea or whatever turn the main character into a Primarina because he's a really good singer, so he would be even better as a Primarina."


The further he got into the song, the more he opened his mouth, letting the song be heard only by himself… and the hidden audience, drawn to his voice from the sea.

The spirits listened from their spectral seats to his incredible singing voice, the right tone, pitch, pacing… he was perfect. A perfect sea singer…

But a few adjustments would have to be made.


Keldeo shrugged and said, "Sure, it's really vague and not explained very well, but at least it's something other than a random person throwing something at him or giving him something for no reason. Although I really think that instead of random spirits of the sea, it should have been actually Legendary Pokemon like Kyogre or Manaphy or Phione or something!"

Keldeo sighed and said, "But, there's also another problem that seems to be unavoidable in Pokemon TF Stories. Let's go back to Siren's Song, after the transformation, and I'll show you."


The sound of something loudly knocking on the door could be heard just outside the bathroom, the sound of the water not even managing to cover that up. "Mister Reys!" A voice called from outside, loud and on-the-job. "Your ride is here to take you to the concert hall. Are you ready?"

Thomas seized up on the floor, his eyes going wide as he swallowed nervously. After all that had happened, he had totally forgotten about the concert itself. It was only a matter of time before they came in to investigate…

The spirits watched the scene with the realisation of having overlooked a few small details. Namely, getting their new siren to the ocean. But they watched regardless, hoping that their endeavors would not be for naught and that everything would turn out alright.


"Okay, now that sounds interesting," Keldeo said, looking truly intrigued by the turn of events, "Now, our hero will need to get help from his personal assistant or driver or whatever in order to make the best of this. It could be an adventure of getting out of the city without people seeing him, and then making it to the ocean. Or, maybe he could still keep his career going by making an underwater house or something, and he could only release albums he records in private, and only a select few know that he's a Pokemon and that's why his voice sounds better than ever. Or, what the hay! Maybe the world is okay with him being a magical creature because he's still a citizen that can communicate, I assume. Maybe it can be an Alvin and the Chipmunks kind of thing where him not being human doesn't really matter."

Keldeo then frowned and said, "Too bad the last part of the Pokemon TF Story formula is always end on a cliffhanger! Seriously, that section of the story I showed you is the end! There's no more after that! In every single one of these stories, just when it starts getting good, it ends."

Keldeo kept his grouchy frown on as he said, "Oh yeah. I'm serious. Here's the end of Healing Flame."


Hope stood up, caressed her stick for a few moments, before deciding the best spot for it would be in her tail. Right, that's done, now what? She looked away from the forest and saw civilisation. A small town with streets, lights, people, Pokémon and…was that a hospital of sorts? Or, what was it, Pokémon Centre? Maybe they needed someone with a healing touch. Maybe…Maybe she could actually still do her job and find joy in it again? Maybe that's why the candle had been given to her.

Only one way to find out. The new Braixen ran towards the town. Unbeknownst to her, someone was watching. He'd done it again it seemed, and she felt this once human would find her dream really fulfilled here. Maybe he could treat this job seriously after all.


"Okay, so does she just get a job at the Pokemon Center?" Keldeo asked, "Or does she have trouble because Braixens aren't known to work with Nurse Joys? Does she have a rivalry with an Audino or a Wigglytuff or a Chansey? We could've had a cool Zootopia-type storyline here! And, so what, this weird guy just teleports between worlds and stalks people so he can turn them into Pokemon? Huh?"

Keldeo huffed and said, "But wait. It gets worse. Check out the end of Procrastination Proclamation."


Diane sighed, glad to have a minor victory after a series of interesting events. She turned to put her pencil away until the door to her room opened, seeing her little brother carrying around a 3DS.

"Woah! Mom, Dad! I found a pokemon, can we keep it!" The small boy said, rushing to awake his parents.

"Oh my god, Peter!" Diane ran to the boy, hoping to warn him about what happened before it was too late.

The mother came out of the room first, tired as ever. She rubbed her eyes and was shocked to see a strange animal behind her son.

Seeing her mother scream, Diane talked out loud "Calm down!"

The little brother turned around, confused "Wait, you talk?" he asked.

Taking a long breath, Diane got comfy in her stance as she began "Listen...It's a long story, but you gotta listen…"

THE END


"Seriously?!" Keldeo shouted, "You cut the story off in the middle of a sentence!? Are you kidding me?!"

Keldeo frowned and nodded, "This is so weird. It's almost like these stories are a combination of effort and laziness. There's effort in developing the characters, but at the same time they seem like a go to for someone who doesn't want to write a complete story. They have good ideas, but none of those ideas are ever used."

Keldeo's eyes lit up and he stood tall and said, "I want to see Hope overcome all sorts of obstacles and adversity to become the first Braixen to work in a Pokemon Center. I want to see Thomas either become some kind of musical sensation that performs for people by the sea or have a wacky adventure getting to the sea to become the King of the Primarinas or something like that. But the people who write Pokemon TF Stories are content to just give these ideas the one and done treatment and never bring out their true potential. And if you ask me. . . that's just messed up."

Keldeo narrowed his eyes and said, "And I haven't even gotten to the stigmas attached to these stories. Yeah, I'm pretty sure many of you already know what I'm talking about, but let me explain it anyway."

Keldeo sighed and said, "Alright, because these stories have such meticulous descriptions of the transformations, they can sometimes come off not only as creepy body horror, but also as a kind of weird fetish."

Keldeo raised his right forehoof defensively and said, "Not all of them are like that! Plenty of them are just interesting stories about a human turning into a Pokemon that don't get too weird. Kevin and Buizel is a really good story, so many Pokemon TF Stories are just fine as well."

Keldeo put his hoof back down and sighed, "But, the sad fact is that anything fetish related often attracts more fetishes. For instance, in Procrastination Proclamation, the main character is allergic to her own fur, which might actually be kind of funny! But the humor is ruined because the author uses it an excuse to work a sneezing and sniffling fetish into it."

Keldeo stomped his hooves and said, "Why?! It's insanely annoying to have to read through all the snotty sniffling in the dialogue, and it ruins what could have been a really cute and funny story! I mean, what's next? Is there gonna be a story about a sneezing Sylveon?"


Sylveon Sneeze

By: PrincessSara1998

Sylveon needs to sneeze, but she doesn't want to. If she sneezes, she'll cause some magic havoc. Will she be able to hold her sneezes back?

Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor/Suspense - Sylveon - Words: 1,586 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: Oct 20, 2016 - Status: Complete - id: 12198699


Keldeo just stood with a flat expression, and he said, "Wow. . . Rule 36 is right. No matter what it is, it is somebody's fetish. . . .it's sneezing! I mean, come on!"

Keldeo calmed down rather quickly, then he said, "Well, I suppose it could be worse. Ugh! I don't wanna think about it. Quite frankly, I'll take the sneezing. Anyway, another problem with Pokemon TF Stories is that many of them also have the character changing gender too, and that doesn't work in stories like this! Why?"

Keldeo frowned and said, "The whole point of a Pokemon TF Story is that the transformation is happening against the main character's will! There's a certain suspension of disbelief here. We need to accept the fact that a person would be okay with being turned into a Pokemon. Pokemon are awesome, so when the character accepts it even though they were forced into it, we can go along with it. But I'm pretty sure that every single person on Earth can agree that a person being forced to be changed in such a deep, personal way. . . is wrong! It's basically the same as being violated. No one, and nothing, has the right to force a change like that on anyone. It just isn't something that any other person can decide! And yet, some of these stories decide to go too far and torture the main character like this. And then the character is still somehow okay with this, and that's insulting because no real person would be okay with that! Psychological damage, much? These stories already kind of push your suspension of disbelief, but stuff like that just goes too far."

Keldeo huffed and said, "And I know some people might argue that certain Pokemon look really feminine or really masculine, but that doesn't matter! 25% of Machamps are female! 50% of Gardevoirs are male! 87.5% of Sylveon and Primarinas are male! Yeah! That's right! The most feminine looking Pokemon have a male majority, so you can't use that excuse! In Siren's Song, Thomas turned into a male Primarina because WeebWriteMan wanted to write a story, not just make something for the sake or shock value."

Keldeo breathed in and out as he gathered his thoughts, and he said, "So. . . what have we got? Well, most decent Pokemon TF Stories have amazing characterization so we can get to know and care about the main character when he or she starts transforming. The transforming sequence itself can be a bit weird, but it gets you into the story and can be really cool depending on how far the author intends to go. And if you avoid those. . . other types of stories that I brought up, then the only real problem with them is that they end on cliffhangers that leave you wanting more but don't really deliver. I can't say that they're all bad or even that the concept itself is bad, but I really don't think Pokemon TF Stories are for everyone. But hey! Give one a read and see if its your thing."

Keldeo smiled and said before leaving, "I'm Keldeo the Critic, and-."

"Ahem!" Floyd said as he tapped his foot impatiently.

Keldeo turned to the Pichu, and he smiled and said, "Okay. . .Let's do it."

Floyd smiled and began to play as he and Keldeo sang.

"Abracadabra!
Change-o, range-o-ree!
If I recite these words just right

Their magic will change me!

Abracadabra!
Change-o, range-o-ree!
But if I do, then I ask you

Which Pokemon should I be?
Oh, which one should I be?"

"Zamazenta! Zamazenta! That's what I could be!" Floyd sang, "Then when It's time to battle, I would have my shield with me!"

"Oh which one should I be?"

"Zacian, yes! Zacian, yes! That's what I could be!" Keldeo sang, "And then wherever I might go, I'd take my sword with me!"

"Oh which one should I be?

Abracadabra!
Change-o, range-o-ree. . ."


The End


Credits

The Show Must Go On- Queen

Tennessee Tuxedo and Friends - Abracadabra (TinyURL:y6jaq5s7)

Healing Flame by confusedkangaroo

Procrastination Proclamation by TheEXxtra

Siren's Song by WeebWriteMan

Sylveon Sneezeby PrincessSara1998

Rules of the Internet - TV Tropes