Doing his best not to flinch as he stared into the cold, judging glare of his superior, the villainous advisor attempted to do the one thing that he was good at.
Convincing bad guys that it was in their best interest to restrain their villainous impulses.
"I am deeply sorry sir for the way things turned out in that….dimension. But if you think about it, I did manage to accomplish my primary miss..".
'SLAP'!
"Wenk wenk wenk".
Rubbing his bruised cheek in a vain attempt to soothe his dignity, though he doubted anything could erase the humiliating image of being slapped in the face by a penguin, or at least a space demon trapped in the body of a penguin, the boy rushed to answer the question that had been posed to him.
"When you hired me, you said you wanted me to ensure that there was no chance of the good guys ever winning in their selected universes, and that you didn't care how I accomplished this".
"Wenk wenk wenk".
"Well...yes I suppose I could have picked a less…chaotic agent to accomplish this. But I point out that my options were severely limited. The main bad guy was both racist, narcistic, and illogical, meaning that he would probably refuse to entertain the idea that he could be beaten by his enemies. The minions that remained loyal to him were either too trigger happy to follow any plan that was more complicated than 'shoot em up', insanely fantastic in their belief that their leader was perfect, or had been reduced to cannon fodder/comic relief. And since one of the only mentally stable minions was about to change sides, my only options for fulfilling my task were either a treacherous mad scientist, or a serial killer with slight suicidal tendencies".
"Wenk wenk wenk".
"Well lets look at the facts here. Because of my interference, an immortal serial killer was able to avoid the fate of being reluctant muscle for an egotistical maniac. Which means that a certain spider has an additional pair of hands to help him finish repairing a certain space battleship".
"Wenk wenk wenk".
"Yes, I suspected that the Nemesis had managed to track where the Ark landed. And yes, I suspected the mutant crab would also cease to exist once he blew up the ship that carried the ancestors of those that created him, but it all turned out for the better. For without the greatest heroes and soldiers of the Autobots and Decepticons, a far more powerful entity is allowed to continue its mission of devouring world after world".
"Wenk wenk wenk".
Releasing a sigh in relief as he heard his employer accept this reasoning, the villainous advisor soon sported a look of surprise as avian shaped evil squawked out his new assignment.
"Wenk wenk wenk. Wenk wenk wenk".
"Actually, I wouldn't mind getting back to what I was doing before you sent me to the Beast Wars universe. But what do you mean by branching out".
"Wenk wenk wenk".
Upon hearing this, the boy could only grin as he clarified his new set of parameters.
"You're serious"?
"Wenk wenk wenk".
Nodding his head to show that he understood his new orders, the boy moved to prepare for his next mission. Only to stop as he remembered something.
"Umm, out of curiosity. Since I'm returning to my original…duties, does that mean the same rules of…exchange apply? Or will I have to merely keep what I've gotten so far"?
Growing slightly nervous as his avian shaped employer raised a flipper to his beak in consideration, the boy was both slightly disappointed and relieved by the answer.
"Wenk wenk wenk. Wenk wenk wenk".
"No I understand. I suppose that getting any more powerups would be a bit stupid. But thanks for letting me keep what I've gotten so fa…".
"Wenk wenk wenk".
"No, I suppose your right. They would be a bit of a hinderance in the future. But surely I can at least keep the one who can drive? Her moral code is a bit more…flexible than Bar….".
"WENK WENK WENK".
"Yes thank you sir. We'll leave right away".
Bowing his head in gratitude before Gunter could change his mind, the boy hurried off to prepare himself for his next mission.
One that would inevitably be better for him than his brief tenure as a long term advisor.
….
Despite the fact that his race lacked the ability to exist within the vacuum that existed just behind the thin metal of his ship, the proud royal couldn't help but find a certain amount of comfort as he sailed through the endless blackness.
Yes it could kill him.
And yes it took time to traverse the lifeless ocean.
But despite all this, he could nevertheless gain a sense of comfort from it since it provided him a sense of peace that he could never gain from his….
"Hey Vegeta. Are we there yet"?
And just like that, the serene moment was ruined thanks to the blundering oaf that was his partner.
"Shut up Nappa".
Fighting back the very real urge to blast his fellow Saiyan`s pod, if only because such an act would also kill him since he lacked a certain tyrant's ability to survive in a vacuum, Vegeta released another sigh of annoyance at the continued inane babbling of the only surviving member of his race.
"Awww don't be like that Vegeta. I'm just excited by all the new friends were going to make before we both wish for panties".
Groaning in frustration as he suppressed the very real desire to finish what Frieza had started, the Saiyan prince somehow managed to summon what remained of his already severely taxed patience as he once again corrected his idiotic partner.
"For the last time, it's immortality we want to wish for you oaf. No one in this entire universe would be stupid enough to waste a wish on a set of female undergarments".
Vegeta wasn't sure which was worse.
The fact that he got the odd sense that a sentient source of food and an old man were suddenly experiencing a sneezing fit, or the fact that Nappa was coming up with his own foolish ideas of why he would say such a thing.
"Spoken like a man whose never experienced the joy of being with a friendly female. But don't you worry Vegeta, once we get to earth, ol`Nappa will gladly serve as your wingman".
Releasing a very loud scream of frustration, the Saiyan prince began to briefly consider if his whole revenge scheme was worth it when his moronic partner once again interrupted his train of thought.
"Hey Vegeta".
"WHAAATTT"?
Managing to scream loud enough to somehow violate the rules governing the transfer of soundwaves in space, Vegeta had to regretfully acknowledged that Nappa had a somewhat legitimate reason to both him.
"There's a ship coming up straight at us Vegeta. I wonder if their friendly".
Frowning as he caught sight of the object that had caught the interest of his fellow Saiyan, the spiky haired prince felt a very real pang of fear as he noticed that his idiotic companion was right.
However, said fear quickly disappeared as he noted that the approaching vessel lacked the recognizable design of the tyrant that had both enslaved and then exterminated his race, Vegeta's relief quickly turned to growing annoyance as the voice of the rectangular ship`s pilot suddenly appeared over his radio.
"Greetings. Do I have the privilege of addressing the Saiyans Nappa and Vegeta"?
"Hey! Look at that Vegeta. The flying box knows our names. He must be psychic".
…
Fighting the very real urge to laugh as he was presented with undeniable evidence that he had been transported into the awesome parody of a well known manga/anime, the villainous advisor quickly moved to ensure that his more powerful client didn't explode from sheer anger.
"I'll take that as a yes. But no need to be alarmed. I am not here to impede your progress, but rather offer my advice and deepest respects to not only the Elite Saiyan Warrior Nappa, but also the leader of your race. KING Vegeta".
Smirking as he could all but here Saiyan's mind echoed with that title, the boy's expression turned into a full out grin as he heard the stunted warrior's reply.
"Never in my life have I needed something so much and never known until I received it".
Pleased at his success in putting Vegeta in a more amicable mood, the spoiling advisor opened his mouth to continue providing him with useful, and ego boosting advice, only to be interrupted by the being who, in this universe at least, had actually enjoyed the official position of royal advisor.
"Eh, I think Prince of All Saiyans has a better ring to it".
"Shut the hell up Nappa".
"I mean, the title was kinda sad when there were only 4 of us in the Galaxy. But now that Raditz is dead, and that guy who told us about the panties is dead, I dunno…the King of All Saiyans is a bit of a mouthful since there's only two of us left".
"...fuck you Nappa".
Unsure if he should either laugh at this exchange, or cry at the fact that he might fail in his mission, the boy quickly moved to prevent Vegeta from blowing his top.
"If I could redirect your attention away from your underling your majesty, I have in my possession certain information that you would find to be most useful".
To his relief, his toadying managed to keep the volatile Saiyan from exploding.
Just,
"Oh really? And what kind of information do you think is worthy for the KING of all Saiyans. And Nappa if you open your fat mouth again my title will then be the King of All Dead Saiyans".
"Actually that title is kinda lamer than the first one".
"AARGGGHHHHH".
Sensing that he was on the verge of witnessing the demise of the last living Saiyans, the advisor quickly interjected.
"Before you beat the living crap out of him King Vegeta, might I suggest you read a certain chapter in the Official Saiyan Handbook? Because if you accidentally kill a certain green skinned slug man, and thus lose the chance to use the dragon balls, this back up plan might be just the thing you need in order to ensure that Frieza doesn't stand in your way of becoming…Emperor Vegeta".
Smirking as he heard the royal Saiyan gasp in astonishment at being called a title he had never dared to dream, the boy grinned as he did what he did best.
Changing the fate of fictional characters.
…
"Oh god that was so much fun Vegeta. Cooler was like 'I shall have my revenge on you you filthy monkey'. And you were like 'I'd like to see you try'. And then when all of those robot clones of his tried to kick you in the dick, you just destroyed them all with a single blast. God it was beautiful to watch".
Tuning out his fellow Saiyan's rambling, though he had to admit that Nappa was right to be impressed, the strongest being in the Galaxy couldn't help but think back to the days right before his life turned around for the better.
Eating whatever alien race they came across that didn't look too similar to his race.
Putting up with the endless string of insults from a being whose girlfriend must have been name Chuck, and a disgusting pile of pink spikey muscle that turned out to be the most attractive member of her race.
And of course, serving a fool that had destroyed his people because they had rightfully feared their potential.
All of that had come to an end right before their trip to earth.
Because thanks to the advice he had gotten from the pilot of that weird spaceship, both he, and Nappa, had managed to finally find a way to cheat at the game they had called life.
It was rather simple, not to mention extremely cathartic when he thought about it.
Demand the earthlings to provide them with magical healing beans in return for not blowing up their planet. Then beating the crap out of Nappa until he was on the brink of death. Heal him so that he benefited from their race's ability to get stronger from near death experience. Have the same thing done to him. And then repeat the process until they had both reached Frieza's power level.
Of course that tailed bastard hadn't made it easy what with his ability to increase his power through different levels of transformation. But then again, Frieza wasn't the only one who had the ability to gain more power through transformation.
At first, he thought this would only extend to the ability to become the mighty Ozaru, but that soon proved to not be the case as he managed to achieve that no Saiyan had managed to accomplish in generations.
And with his ability to become a Super Saiyan, it took him little time to finish off what had been left of the tyrant that had obliterated his world.
Not to mention his family who came looking to repair the damage Frieza's defeat had caused to their reputation.
Cold had been simple enough to defeat.
But Cooler?
That bastard somehow managed to fuse with a living computer after his first defeat. Meaning that he had to deal with a literal army of them before Nappa managed to accidently push the idiot's self destruct button.
Yes the path to power was a tad longer than simply wishing to become immortal.
But since the danger of Frieza making that same wish was lowered thanks to the difficult operating conditions of the Namekian dragon balls, such a fear proved to have been unwarranted.
Yup life was grand.
Even if he had to occasionally put up with a certain lower class warrior.
For while he would have liked nothing better than to destroy an idiot who somehow managed to make Nappa seem like an academic, his…deal with the ruler of Earth prevented him from doing so.
And since the 'black man' had already demonstrated what happened to those that displeased, Vegeta rationalized that there were some fights that were better left unfought.
…
ANNNNNND I think I'll stop here for now XD.
Hopefully you all enjoyed not only this chapter, but the next volume in my villain advisor story XD Was my original intent to maybe do one of those "The Cast reads/watches videos/books based on their lives" albeit one based on the words of Team For Star, but I think this turned out better XD
And yes I know this isn't Disney, but like I said in the story summary….Disney affiliated and other popular works XD
Will also in the future probably do a chapter for Frieza and Cell, and MAYBE one for Super Kami Guru, but not for some time XD.
Anyways, hope you all enjoyed this.
Reviews welcome. Flames no.
Til next time.
