Chapter 1

Nate walked into the house, dropping his keys on the table at the door he made a bee line for the wet bar. Although night had already settled over Portland he did not bother turning on the light. He liked the darkness and the lights from the street gave enough illumination for him to see the bottle of whiskey on the bar. Pouring himself a glass he downed it immediately. Then he poured another glass and walked over to the sofa carrying the glass and the bottle. Sinking into the sofa he sat staring the pictures on the mantle, even though it was so dark he could not make out any of the images he knew them by heart. He finished the second glass of whiskey almost as quickly as the first. He held the glass, staring at his reflection in the crystal. His face contorted with anger and sadness and grief, he growled out his frustration and then threw the glass shattering it against the wall.

"Where are the others?" A voice said startling Nate, he had not noticed he was not alone in the house. He looked up and gave a hard tight smile to the man who sat in a chair opposite him.

"Get out of my house." Nate hissed. He wanted to be alone.

"Where are the others?" The man repeated.

"Somewhere else..." Nate said lying back in the sofa again and brining the bottle up to his lips.

"Why?"

"What do you care?"

"I don't...But my wife does… " The man said softly.

"Get out, I want to be alone."

"I don't think that is the best idea right now." The man said getting up and walking to the bar. He poured himself a drink and then went back to his seat.

"Suite yourself..." Nate said too tired to fight the man right then. If he wanted to stay and watch Nate get drunker than he ever had, he was welcome, as long as he did not try to stop him.

"They need you you know…?" The man said softly.

"Go to hell." Nate hissed.

"You need them."

"I don't need them…I don't want them…I want to be alone."

"Well that is not going to happen."

"For Christ sake Sterling just get the hell out of my house and leave me alone. I want to be alone!" Nate shouted at the man his anger swelling in him as he spoke.

"You are a selfish bastard you know that Nate…" Sterling said his anger growing at the same rate as Nate's. "Your family needs you and you are here spurning them and getting drunk…" He said is voice hard and cold and full of disdain for the man he sat with. "But I don't know what else I expected from you."

Nate stared at him and then shook his head taking another gulp of whiskey from the bottle.

"My family are dead you son of a bitch…" Nate hissed at the ex-insurance agent and one time friend.

"Not all of them." Sterling countered. "You are not the only one grieving tonight."

Nate knew the man was right but right then he did not care. Right then he did not care about anything except getting drunk.

"Now they are not only grieving but worrying about you too. You don't care about that do you?"

Nate remained silent. He was well on his way to getting drunk. Three years of not having a drop of alcohol pass his lips had left him not as able to cope with copious amounts as he had been. He was well on his way to the oblivion he sought and although he knew what Sterling was saying was true and although he knew he should be with them, he could not bring himself to be.

Sterling stared at the man who half lay half sat on the sofa opposite him. He felt for the man. It had been a long hard fight to get back to life for him from the death of his son. It had taken him a long time to start living again, and life had been good. Yes he was angry with him, well actually more frustrated than angry. He was closing down again after another tragedy that had taken the lives of his wife and daughter. The rest of Nate's makeshift family were at the microbrewery with Sterling's wife. She was the one who had sent him here to be with Nate. She knew he could cope with Nate in this state because he would not allow himself to be turned away. Maggie had her own problems, Parker was almost as unable to deal with the loss as Nate, she was inconsolable in her grief and Maggie was worried about her. Eliot and Hardison were trying to be strong but she knew that the loss for them was just as bad. These people did not handle loss well, all of them, except maybe Hardison only knew how to run away from grief, but if they were going to survive this they had to lean on their family, they had to stick together, and that included Nate, whether he liked it or not.

"You need them..." Sterling said his voice more gentle as he spoke. "Don't shut them out Nate…don't shut yourself off, you need to let them help you and you need to help them through this."

"Maggie should mind her own business…" Nate said acidly, he knew it was her that had sent Sterling here to babysit him.

"She cares about you Nate, about you and your little family, so you are stuck with me…" Sterling said paying no attention to Nate's attempt to anger him, he was well aware Nate did not want him here and was goading him to leave.

"She's dead Sterling. They are dead and I…" Nate felt hot tears burn his cheeks as he voiced the words making it real for himself. "I…can't…they're dead…" Nate said swiping the tears away before taking another swig out the bottle that was now almost empty.

"I know…" Sterling said softly. "So I'll give you tonight…but you need to stand up and be the…the man Sophie would expect you to be for them. For Parker, for Eliot and Hardison, you need to be there for them too, you owe them that."

"I…owe… them…" Nate asked his words now slurring slightly as the alcohol took effect.

"Yes…you owe them. You made them into this…this family you created for yourself. These are people who don't know how to deal with grief, especially Parker, so you owe them, you have to help them through this because if you don't you know Sophie would never forgive you."

"Sophie's….gone…Sophie and Kate are gone…I…they're gone…" Nate whispered as if that freed him from any obligation to the rest of the team.

"Yes she is. But they were her family too…those three meant so much to her, now you can't abandon them in their time of need, you know that, you know that is not what she would want from you, no matter what has happened, she would want you to be there for them and let them be there for you." Sterling replied. "So get drunk…get drunk and pass out and then tomorrow morning you will do what you have to, you will be strong for your family because you know that is what Sophie would expect from you."

"Sophie's gone…my daughter…my wife…my life is gone…why…why…?" Nate said unable to stop the tears from flowing freely now. The alcohol was pulling him down into darkness, the overwhelming emotion of the last eight hours taking its toll on him, along with the entire bottle of whiskey he had consumed, the combination sending him into oblivion.

They sat in silence after that, Sterling watching as Nate sobbed muttering to himself and cursing God and the world as he finished off the whiskey. He did not attempt to comfort the man in any way, he knew that was not what Nate needed now. So Sterling sat in silence as Nate grieved. Finally Nate passed out his head lolling to one side and the bottle of whiskey slipping from his grasp to clatter noisily to the floor. Sterling stood up and walked over to the slumped figure of his friend. They had worked together on a number of occasions during the last three years and their friendship had rekindled. He had been at Nate's wedding and Nate had been the best man at his marriage to Nate's ex-wife. Maggie was Godmother to Katherine, Nate and Sophie's daughter. He reached down picked up the empty bottle and sighed heavily. Taking the blanket that was thrown over the back of the sofa he placed it over the sleeping man.

"God only knows why Nate…God only knows." He said softly. God knows this man had suffered more than most in his life, he had lost so much and Sterling was not sure, no matter what he said, no matter what Maggie or the others said or did, that Nate would make it back from this tragedy.

Ok well there is the first chapter of my new story. This one will be a little different from the others, but I hope you will all enjoy it anyway.