Author's note: First, I own nothing in this story...no money, don't bother suing I'm judgement proof. Second is I'm back! For the fans of my other stories, I will try to get a chapter up for Broken Destiny up sometime this year. Obviously this is an answer to the Ship of the Line Challenge so ENJOY!
Xander's head hurt, what happened. There was a beeping noise and he opened his eyes. The sight he beheld was one of equal parts dream and nightmare. The scene before him was very familiar. The consoles in front of him, the chair he was sitting in, the view screen.
"No...no...no…this isn't happening," Xander said to himself.
I wish I could agree with your assessment, but it seems all too real, a very familiar voice said in his head.
"Captain James T. Kirk?" Xander asked.
I see you already are aware of who I am. My question is what happened to my body, the disembodied voice of the famous Captain said.
"Huh...you really do sound like William Shatner," Xander said aloud.
Who's William Shatner? Kirk asked.
"Long story, Captain," Xander said.
We seem to have time, Kirk responded.
"You're fictional. I dressed up as you for Halloween," Xander said suppressing the urge to geek out at where he was. He turned and saw the red turbolift doors, Uhura's com station, Spock's science station with scanner hood. It was just like the bridge from the series down to the smallest detail. Only better because it was all real.
Fictional? Kirk asked.
"Yeah, this ship was on a show called Star Trek, and it seems to be pre-refit too," Xander said.
Pre-refit? Kirk asked.
"Yes," Xander said, then the klaxon started sounding and Xander scrambled to the helm station. "Great….our shields just came up. Why….OH OHSHIT!"
Report, Ensign! I can't use your eyes apparently, Kirk ordered.
"Someone just launched missiles at us and according to the sensors they are nukes," Xander said, surprised he was able to use the ship's scanners.
Nukes? Won't even blister the paint with the shields up. Can you tell who launched them? Kirk asked, sounding a bit dismissive.
"From the back trace of the missiles...China," Xander said with a small groan.
Why would China fire on us? Kirk asked.
"Oh I don't know maybe because they have no idea where we came from and oh...our hull markings are in ENGLISH!" Xander growled out.
Calm down, Ensign! Kirk ordered and something new in Xander's hindbrain clicked in and he rose to attention.
"Sorry, Sir!" Xander responded instinctively
It's ok, this is a bit stressful. Now what is your name? Kirk asked.
"Xander, Xander Harris and why are you calling me Ensign?" Xander asked.
Because you've just been drafted, welcome to Starfleet, Kirk said.
"Drafted?" Xander asked .
You seem to have basic training, you used the helm console as well as any newly minted Ensign I've ever seen, Kirk said.
"I have?" Xander asked.
Yes, now do you want to take care of those missiles? Kirk asked.
"Uhh...I guess, but I thought you said our shields would protect us?" Xander asked.
They will, but I find the best way to deal with a bully is to pop him in the eye. Besides, if they see us shoot down their missiles they probably won't shoot any more, Kirk replied.
"But what about the US? If they think we're American, which since I'm from California and you are from Iowa I guess we are, but still what if they launch on the good ol US of A?" Xander asked.
Then we deal with that, Kirk said.
"But if they launch missiles on the US then the US will...I don't want to start World War III!" Xander wailed.
Ensign! Relax, there won't be World War III today if I have anything to say about it, Kirk said.
"Ok...so what's the plan?"
First we need to shoot down those missiles then we need to contact the United States government and assure them that we are not hostile ourselves and will defend their territory from nuclear attack. Third we need to contact the Chinese and assure them of the same, Kirk said.
"Ok, I think I have phasers locked on the missiles, firing," Xander said, hearing the expected noise of the phasers firing. All three missiles then disappeared from sensors. "I think I got them, cause I doubt the Chinese have cloaking devices."
Good job, Ensign. Kirk said. Now go to communications.
Xander went to the comm station and took a quick look at it then said, "It seems we are being hailed, radio, audio only.
Put it on speakers Ensign, Kirk said.
"...is General Hammond of Stargate Command hailing the alien vessel in orbit. Please state your intentions," the speakers sounded out.
Xander quickly matched the frequency the SGC was transmitting on and began transmitting. "This is...uh...Ensign Xander Harris of the Federation Starship Enterprise. Sorry for giving you folks a scare down there, but we have a bit of a situation up here as the Chinese decided to launch on us. Please stand by while we keep the Chinese from starting World War III. Enterprise out," Xander said.
The entire team of SG-1 had been sitting at the conference table when the call had come in that there was an "Alien Spacecraft" floating above California. Way above. They all arrived at the gate control booth just as the unidentified ship identified itself.
"Did he say Federation Starship Enterprise?" Jack asked General Hammond.
"I think so," Hammond replied. "Let's see if we can find out anything about him, just in case. Visuals aren't in yet, because we don't have satellites that monitor stuff up there, so we are having to point telescopes and pray."
"Having to pray in military situations is never good," Jack pointed out.
"So how do we ask the Chinese to stop shooting at us?" Xander asked.
Pull up the historical record. We end up in Earth's past often enough that we have a full record of all transmission frequencies used by all Earth's militaries for any given point in history, Kirk said.
"But since this isn't your universe what makes you think they'll work?" Xander asked.
Simple, while there may be very significant differences here military requirements are the same overall because unless the Communists LOST the Chinese civil war the basic situation is the same as...what year is it again? Kirk asked.
"1997, and they didn't," Xander answered.
Which means that the old Soviet Union has collapsed and China is feeling its oats. You're still years from the nightmare of Colonel Green, if that will happen. Ok, pull up the historical record, engage the universal translator and let's talk to the Chinese, Kirk said.
"And just what do I say to them?" Xander asked.
Warn them off. They fired on us therefore I don't feel the need to be too polite about it, Kirk said.
"Warn them off? Like stop shooting at us or we'll turn your military to molten slag?" Xander asked.
We have the capability of completely wiping out the Chinese military, but I think that is a bit extreme at this point. We need to leave them a way to save face or they might do something REALLY dumb. Just point out that they can't harm us and we'd be...unhappy if they attacked the United States over our presence in orbit, Kirk said.
"Sigh, why do I get the feeling it's not going to be that easy?" Xander asked.
Trust me, Kirk said.
"Ok, here goes nothing," Xander said as he worked the comm console and engaged the Universal Translator. "This Ensign Xander Harris of the Federation Starship Enterprise. You are to cease all attacks on this ship and take no action against any nation on Earth," Xander said.
Good, that should get their attention, Kirk said.
"This is General Xio Ming of the People's Liberation Army, you will surrender your station to us immediately. The United States has gone too far launching a battle station that threatens world peace!"
This isn't a negotiation, General! Kirk said forgetting the general couldn't hear him, but Xander relayed the message.
"You will comply or we WILL strike the United States with our full nuclear might!" the Chinese general said.
If you try it, not only will none of your missiles hit their targets but the PLA will cease to exist as a fighting force. You've seen what the Enterprise can do, don't be stupid. Kirk said with Xander relaying. Xander then got a brief impression of Kirk slicing a finger across his neck and cut the connection.
"Think they'll listen?" Xander asked.
It'll be probably an hour before their land based missiles can launch and I doubt they'll launch any sea based assets as they will just lose the land based assets to a US strike, or so they'll assume.
"What should we do?" Xander asked.
First, contact General Hammond and warn him of what might happen and see if you can convince him not to retaliate.
"Ok…" Xander said as he worked the console again, he was getting used to operating the console and while he was sure he wasn't to Uhura's level of understanding of it or linguistic theory.
"This is General Hammond, Ensign Harris. What can we do for you?" Hammond's voice sounded on the bridge.
"I'm afraid the Chinese have been insulted," Xander said his voice weary.
"Insulted?" Hammond asked.
"Yes, by the existence of the Enterprise. They seem to think we are an American orbital battle station. They have already fired on us once with nuclear weapons, which were dealt with but I've had a long day and would like some shut eye which I can't get when I'm being shot at. Long story short we just had words with a General Xio Ming and he demanded our surrender and threatened to attack the United States if we didn't. I didn't point out the futility of him accepting our surrender as they have NO way up here, but he still took exception to me. I just wanted to give you a heads up that the Chinese may start launching missiles and to ask you pretty please NOT to launch your own. I'd like to keep this between the Enterprise and China," Xander said.
"I'm not sure I can promise that, son," Hammond said.
"The Enterprise will guarantee the security of the United States. Not a single missile will strike US soil. On that you have my word," Xander said.
"How can I trust that, Ensign? We don't know your ship's capabilities," Hammond said with a sigh.
The Enterprise can track up to 150 targets as well as engage them simultaneously. She IS a heavy cruiser afterall. She's capable of taking on six Klingon D-7 class cruisers on her own and surviving.
Xander sighed as he weighed what Kirk said and what he knew, he finally settled on part of the truth. "You can trust it General cause I'm from California and my two best friends are less than an hour from LA. I'll be highly motivated."
There was a long pause on the line and it got to the point that Xander was tempted to say something and was about to when Hammond's voice came back, "Understood Ensign, I suspect your report will make for some interesting reading. We won't launch a retaliatory strike unless you fail to stop all of the missiles, but if one gets through…"
"If one gets through General I fully expect you to turn China into so much glass," Xander said.
"We understand each other then. Good hunting, Ensign," Hammond replied and Xander closed the connection.
You better get to the helm, Ensign.
"What if the Chinese want to talk some more?"
You can set up a communications alert at the helm, it isn't used often as we usually have a full bridge crew, Kirk said.
"Aye, aye," Xander said, frightened. When he dressed up as Kirk for halloween he never dreamed he'd wind up in a nuclear confrontation with the Chinese. He sat at the helm console and set up the comm alert then settled in for a long wait.
You're doing fine, Ensign. It's not easy being in these stare down situations and if I had anyone to relieve you I would. For now pull up attack pattern ango-Echo-Papa-Lima-Charlie-3.
"How do you remember all the attack patterns you have to know?" Xander asked as he worked.
Experience. Also most attack patterns are standard and taught at the Academy. In any battle there are always some constants, such as we live in a three dimensional universe. Kirk said.
"And this attack pattern?" Xander asked.
It's one of the ones I hope never has to be used, it's mitigation of damage already done. Had I been expecting to find myself in the twentieth century and was on the ship they wouldn't have seen us at all.
"Shame we can't just disappear now," Xander said.
Sadly such technology is still in the works, even in the 23rd century. It's easy to cloak something like a shuttlecraft, but something the size of the Enterprise is a lot harder. It takes a great deal of power.
"Well, what about the Romulan cloaking device?" Xander asked.
The Romulans don't have cloaking technology either, not anything the Federation doesn't have.
"So you never fought off a Romulan incursion along the Neutral Zone?" Xander asked as he maintained watch on the Chinese.
No, such an incursion would've meant war. No one in the Federation would have allowed the Romulans to tap dance their way out of it. The Vulcans would've never stood for it nor would humanity.
"Really? The show makes it seem like the Federation would take a BAD treaty than fight," Xander said.
We'd prefer not to fight, but an incursion across the Neutral Zone into Federation Territory would be considered an act of war. How did we find out about it if they were using a cloaking device anyway? Kirk asked.
"They attacked several monitoring stations and destroyed them,"
So I suppose the next few episodes were about Starfleet turning Romulus into a rubble pile?
"Nope, nothing further was mentioned about it until the episode where you take the Enterprise across the Neutral Zone to steal the Romulan Cloaking device," Xander said.
If I had a head, this would be giving me a headache. So you're telling me that in this show the Federation let the Romulan's get away with destroying monitoring stations along the Neutral Zone? Was it because those stations weren't manned? Kirk asked.
"In the series they were manned," Xander said, sounding a bit sheepish, even though the errors weren't his and were made fourteen years before he was even born.
Well, that would've meant war for sure if Starfleet personnel had been killed by enemy action.
"When you put it that way…" Xander sighed. It was evident that the Federation this Kirk was from was very different than what was depicted on the show. It was more...real. More gritty, less idealized.
You sound disappointed, Kirk said.
"Well, Star Trek was a very positive, inspiring show and the Federation was depicted as a force for peace. You make it sound like you would be itching to fight," Xander said.
Where did you get that idea from Ensign?
"The way you are talking. Turning Romulus into a rubble pile?" Xander said.
Given the events you described that IS what would happen. That doesn't mean I would want to see it happen. The Federation has made peaceful contact with a dozen new species just in the past year and the Klingons and Romulans aside we have generally good relations with our interstellar neighbors that have declined Federation membership.
"Oh...so what about Tango Echo Papa Lima Charlie 3?" Xander asked.
The fire pattern is designed to take out all Chinese nuclear assets in one strike with no nuclear fallout. It's also designed to limit collateral damage to the Chinese military. Kirk answered.
"So why don't we just implement it?" Xander asked.
Because it would start World War III. Such a war may not go nuclear with China's nuclear arsenal gone, but they would move on Taiwan and Japan which would bring the United States into the war and the likelihood is that the Russian Federation would jump in also, though on which side is a dicey question.
"So why have it ready?" Xander asked, confused.
Because if they launch the decision to go to war would've already been made by them and we'd just be acting to end it with as little bloodshed as possible. Of course I'm hoping they see reason.
"Me too, I'm going to be in enough trouble as it is," Xander said.
Not going to be, are, Kirk replied.
"What do you mean?" Xander asked.
You can't go back to your old life when 'this' is over cause it won't ever be over, Kirk said.
"Why not?" Xander nearly whined.
Someone needs to keep this ship out of the wrong hands, you are the only one that can do so, Kirk said sympathetically.
"Damnit...Oh...goody, it looks like the Chinese want to talk," Xander said as he left the helm station and went back to the comm station and accepted the hail. "General Ming, so nice to hear from you and thank you for calling instead of launching your missiles."
"Your American sarcasm is not appreciated, Enterprise. However we will not be launching this day. The Chinese people have decided not to punish the United States at this time, however your leaders can expect to hear from our diplomats about this," Xio Ming said.
"I'm sure they will, in the meantime I've had a long day and I have other calls to make. However you do have my sincere thanks that you didn't try to blow up the world over this. I really wasn't looking forward to killing anyone today….but make no mistake, General, I would have if China had forced the issue," Xander said with no prompting from Kirk. He then closed the connection without waiting for a response. The words were all his and came from a place he'd only been one other time when he'd threatened the girl who held his heart with death because she'd put Willow in danger. There was no doubt in his mind then he would've carried out the threat then and he would've done the same here.
Well, that should give them something to think about for a while, Ensign. Glad to see you have some steel in your spine, Kirk said.
"No one threatens my family, Captain," Xander said then yawned.
You're exhausted, just a couple of more calls to make then you can get some sleep, Kirk said, sounding sympathetic to Xander's mental ear.
"General Hammond, and home, right?" Xander said.
Very good Ensign, Kirk praised.
Xander then hailed General Hammond.
"This is General Hammond, is this Ensign Harris?" the General's voice sounded.
"That would be me, General. I'm not going to stand on formality right now cause I'm exhausted, but I have good news. The Chinese are backing down, for the moment. But we need to talk as soon as possible," Xander said.
"Agreed, would tomorrow be convenient?" Hammond asked and something in his tone suggested to Xander that he assumed it would be. Ah well, he was about to be disappointed.
"I don't know yet, General. I have people at home I need to talk to first and I don't know how long that will take. This situation is a bit unprecedented even for us," Xander said.
"That sounds ominous, Ensign. Let us know when you're ready," Hammond said.
"I will, but for right now I need sleep," Xander said trying to stifle a yawn.
"Understood, son," Hammond said, his tone kind.
"Enterprise out," Xander said and closed the connection. He was finding the more he used Enterprise's systems the easier it was getting and he soon had routed a connection through the cell network to Giles's phone.
"Hello?" Giles's british accent came through the bridge speakers.
"Hey, G-man," Xander said.
"Xander! Where are you, we've been worried sick!" Giles said and it was evident that he had actually been worried as he didn't complain about Xander's nickname for him.
"It's Xander?!" he heard Willow in the background. "Ishealright?WhereishesoBuffycan bringhimhome?"
Xander felt a bit guilty about not having made this call sooner, but he HAD been a bit busy.
"You might want to put Willow on the phone before she pops, Giles," Xander said.
"Quite," Giles said and Xander heard the transfer of the handset.
"Youareinbigtroublemisterscaringuslikethatnowwhereareyou?" Willow said, making the sentence basically into one word.
"Slow down, Wills. I'm safe, a bit tired, but safe," Xander said.
"Good, but you didn't answer my question. I'm not going to rest until I see you, you got that?" Willow said.
"I hear you, Will, but it's not going to happen," Xander said.
"Why not?" the girl nearly whined.
"Cause I'm kinda in orbit and the only way down is by shuttle and I'm in no shape to fly," Xander said.
"You're where?" Willow shrieked.
"In orbit, and a bit worn out from preventing World War III," Xander said and yawned.
"Preventing...World….War….III?" Willow said and started to hyperventilate. There was some noise on the other end and before Xander could ask what was happening he heard Buffy's voice.
"What was that about World War III?" the Slayer asked.
"Long story Buffy. I'll tell you in detail tomorrow. We'll meet at the high school parking lot. I'll be the one with the spaceship," Xander said and the friends said their goodnights.
"Now where to?" Xander asked as he finished locking down the last of the bridge's stations.
Officer's Mess. You need something to eat then to bed, Kirk said.
"Sounds good to me, even if the only thing to eat on this ship is jello," Xander said as he entered the Turbolift.
What do you mean? And the Officer's Mess is on Deck D.
"On the show it's all the crew seemed to eat, of course in the sixties the future meant that everything had to look like a bad acid trip or so it seems to me when I catch reruns," Xander said.
Enterprise has two fully functional food replicators with cuisine from every member world of the Federation plus several non-aligned worlds, Kirk said.
"Nice...I need a nice juicy cheeseburger right now," Xander said.
Popular choice, Kirk mused. How do you expect your friends to react?
"I don't know. I don't even know what this means for me yet. The US and Chinese governments know about this ship and both are going to want her. I know I trust the US more than the Chinese, but should any nation on this planet have the kind of power this ship represents?" Xander asked his incorporeal companion
Some of the nations of today, of course not. Others I think would use it responsibly. We need to know more. The meeting with General Hammond will prove interesting I think, Kirk said. Besides, it's not like we can take this ship where it belongs and I won't see her destroyed when she can do so much good.
Xander sat down with his meal and took a few bites in silence, then said, "You think it will be good this ship is used for? If a government or corporation gets a hold of her..."
Kirk sighed and said, Governments and corporations are made up of people, Xander. Never forget that.
"What do you mean?" Xander asked, his mouth full.
Swallow your food before you talk, you are an officer and a gentleman now, try to act like it. Kirk admonished, and Xander swallowed his bite of burger and Kirk went on. As to your question, Ensign, I mean that all institutions, be they private or public sector are only as good or evil as the people IN the organizations. Did this Star Trek of yours recount the time I found myself in what could be described as a mirror universe?
Xander was about to take another bite out of his cheeseburger and stopped and considered Kirk's words then said, "Yes, it did, that was a very messed up ship."
Yes it was, now do you honestly think that one of the founding worlds of the Federation is going to be ALL evil?
"I guess not, why didn't I think of that myself?" Xander asked.
Of course you didn't, you're only sixteen. Finish up, we've got a LONG day tomorrow, Kirk said.
"Aye, sir," Xander said automatically.
The next day Xander woke early and grabbed a quick breakfast and headed down to the shuttlebay. He was nervous about this because he'd never driven a car much less flown anything before.
"I don't know about this, wouldn't it be better to beam them up?" Xander asked.
We can't Ensign because we can't get a solid lock on them. Your friends are just three human beings on a planet with six approaching seven billion human beings, since we don't have a pattern stored for them, and they don't have communicators picking them out would be impossible. And before you suggest it we aren't beaming down a communicator to them. At this point it's too risky. Kirk explained patiently for the third time. The spectre of the fictional starship captain knew that it was just nerves his host was feeling. Though finding he could now use Xander's eyes was a relief, if a bit jarring Things caught the young man's eye that Kirk would never have paid attention to.
"Can't stop a guy from hoping," Xander said glumly as he sat at the pilot's seat of the Galileo.
You'll do fine, just don't think too much about what you are doing and rely on your training.
"What training, yesterday afternoon I'd never even driven a car and now you expect me to fly a shuttle?" Xander asked.
You fought the ship well enough last night, Kirk pointed out.
"That's different, I wasn't going to crash doing that," Xander retorted.
No, you'd just have vaporized a million people if you missed, Kirk said.
"Oh, thank you so much for telling me THAT Captain," Xander groused.
It distracted you well enough for us to get out of the shuttlebay without crashing, Kirk said, his voice sounding like he was grinning.
"You're despicable," Xander said, imitating Daffy Duck. Kirk only laughed in response as Xander guided the shuttle to the surface
"Do you see him yet?" Willow asked anxiously.
"Not yet, Wills, but my vision is much better at night," Buffy said looking up into the bright southern California sky. The two teens and the older Watcher then heard a faint noise and saw what looked like an original series Star Trek shuttle approaching the school's parking lot. It evened out over the parking lot and hovered, then slowly dropped to the ground touching down softly. The door opened and Xander came out. Willow and Buffy ran to their friend and enveloped him in two hugs.
"I'm going to have to be abducted by fictional starship captains more often if this is what I get," he said with a grin at both girls. He then looked at the Watcher and said, "Giles."
"Xander, this is incredible," Giles said staring at the shuttle.
"Wait until you see the ship," Xander said.
"We can go up to it?" Willow asked, excitedly.
"Yeah, I'm the only one that can get to her which means I can bring whoever I want, there isn't anyone that will stop me," Xander said.
"Well, what are we waiting for, let's go!" Willow said excitedly.
"I don't know, Wills," Buffy said looking at the shuttle anxiously.
"I don't see any cause for concern, landings are always the hardest part of flying and Xander handled that landing rather smartly. I for one would be fascinated to see the ship, the sheer amount of power it had to take to bring it into existence…" Giles said his voice filled with wonder.
"More likely bring it over to this universe Giles. She's not like the ship portrayed in the show. She LOOKS like her inside and out, but she's a lot more heavily armed, for instance," Xander said.
"Just how heavily armed is she?" Willow asked.
"She has two photon launchers forward, one aft as well as nine banks of main phasers and twelve point defense phaser clusters. The main phasers are about 500 terawatts a piece and are in pairs with a fire rate of once every 1 and a half seconds. Their effective range is 5 AUs. Her point defense phaser clusters are five, five terawatt phasers each capable of targeting an incoming threat such as a torpedo or fighter with an effective range of .25 AU. Her torpedoes have a maximum yield of about 25 teratons of TNT and an effective range of 10 AU'S, which the torpedoes can cover in about seven and a half minutes. Each torpedo is capable of tracking a target for 40 minutes before they run out of power. She has about 250 torpedos in her magazines currently with a full war load of 350 torpedos. Defensively her shields are rated to take either 100 teratons of tnt every 15 seconds without failing for an hour and a half, or 900 terrawatts of phaser fire every two seconds for two and a half hours." Xander said.
The others stared at him in shock.
"I don't know what all of that means, Xander, but those are some big numbers you are throwing out," Willow said
"So, just what can this ship do?" Buffy asked cautiously.
"Turn the Earth into a molten ball," Xander said.
"We have to destroy it then...that's...if anything evil got control of the ship…" Buffy started.
"The result would be no different than if something evil got control of our nuclear stockpile," Xander said.
"But...a molten Earth Xander!" Buffy said.
"Buffy...relax, you need the command codes to deploy her weapons and I'm the only one that has them right now, and we aren't destroying her. There's WAY too much good that she can do. She's got replicators on her and if she can generate the power to fire just ONE phaser bank what do you think that would mean for energy production here on Earth? No more fission plants with meltdown risks, no more coal or oil power plants putting all kinds of crap in the air. This is a good thing," Xander said.
"I just don't know…who's going to control it, you can't run the ship by yourself," Buffy said.
"That's part of what we need to talk about, but get on board the Galileo and we'll go aboard her," Xander said and the four of them boarded the shuttle.
Xander took off after Giles, Buffy and Willow got settled. It wasn't long until he started to be peppered with questions.
"So how long until we get to the ship?" Willow asked excitedly as the sky went from bright blue to dark blue to black.
"About an hour," Xander said as he placed the shuttle into the orbit that would take them to the Enterprise. He then turned around and said, "Ok, so we've got a hour or so that I don't have anything to do. We need to talk."
"I agree, Xander," Giles said, nodding.
"Do you have plans right now?" Willow asked.
"Long term, not yet. Short term, meet with General Hammond," Xander said.
"Who is General Hammond?" Buffy asked.
"The nice General. Claimed to be in charge of something called the SGC," Xander said, folding his arms and leaning back.
"Never heard of that before, have you checked the Enterprise's computer?" Giles said, adjusting his glasses.
"No...didn't think about that, but I figure it's a hush hush program the Uncle Sam has running, though what they do I can only speculate," Xander said.
"Interesting he was the one to contact you, so what happened last night?" Giles asked.
"Of course I dressed up as Captain Kirk.." Xander began and told them how Kirk found the Galileo in Sunnydale and took the shuttle back to the ship and just got to the bridge when the spell ended. He also told them of the good Captain still being in his head and being fired on by the Chinese and shooting down their missiles and that they had threatened to nuke the US and how he set up the fire pattern that would disarm China effectively and how China backed down.
All three of them stared wide-eyed at Xander, then Giles spoke. "Ethan has much to answer for, his little prank almost touched off World War III, the ponce."
"Ethan?" Xander asked.
"He was the one responsible for the spell last night," Buffy said.
"So...if I got the Enterprise and the knowledge of how to run her, what did you get?" Xander asked.
"Nothing, I basically went as myself and other than a few disturbing memories...I got bupkis," Willow said.
"I won't have to worry about next week's French test," Buffy said sheepishly
"Much rather have that then the responsibility the Enterprise gives me," Xander said with a sigh.
"That you consider it a responsibility says good things about you, Xander," Giles said gently.
"Thanks, Giles. I have no idea what this is going to mean for school or anything. I now know enough to get a PhD in physics at least just with the basic intro course on warp theory at the Academy, and I could probably make a couple billion dollars just building a phaser, or a communicator, or heck a tricorder. It'd take a couple of years, but I could do it, not to mention the advances in computer technology and software, not to mention the Nobel Prize a few times over in both math and physics," Xander said.
"Wow...I guess you won't need me to tutor you in math, then huh?" Willow said, a bit sadly.
"Need your help, no. Enjoy being study buddies, never going to change Will," Xander said with a grin as the redhead brightened at the thought.
"Maybe you could teach me the higher concepts you've learned from the spell?" Willow asked.
"Don't see why not, but a lot is going to change. Captain Kirk has effectively drafted me into Starfleet, and it's kinda hard to avoid him since he's in my head," Xander said.
"He doesn't get to rule your life, Xander," Giles said.
"I know...I just have a feeling that this is important, just the power generation alone changes...everything. Clean, near limitless power that can't be interrupted, couple that with a replicator...the economy is going to go through a lot of changes," Xander said.
"Not necessarily a good thing, the replicators for instance would put a lot of farmer's out of work," Giles said.
"It's already happened Giles, by the start of the twentieth century only one percent of the population of the industrialized nations were farmers, in nations where that percentage was higher it was more subsistence farming anyway, not commercial farming. Besides, every industrial revolution results in labor displacement and creative destruction. Painful, yes, but the end result is ALWAYS a higher standard of living for the population as a whole. And it's not just Earth that it happens on. Vulcan had similar experiences, as did Tellar and Andor. Every member species of the Federation-those that don't have hive minds at any rate-experienced the same thing. The transition isn't comfortable, nor welcome when it happens, but it is inevitable and beneficial for the population at large, in the long term, but we are getting off topic," Xander said.
"And how do you know that?" Willow asked.
"I have memories of going through the Academy, Will," Xander said.
"Oh...wow," Willow said.
"Yes, but I will tell you about that later, right now General Hammond will have questions about how Enterprise arrived," Xander said.
"Very true, which means you need to know how much to tell General Hammond about the Slayer," Giles said thoughtfully.
"Yeah, I have to say that telling them everything has its appeal. They have resources that could help,," Xander said.
"I'm not sure that is a good idea, Xander. Governments getting involved in the supernatural rarely works out well," Giles said.
"How?" Xander asked.
"Just a couple of examples are the Spanish Inquisition and the Nazi's," Giles said.
"The Nazis?" Xander asked.
"Yes, it's all classified as the Watcher's Council insisted after the incident, but the Nazi's during the Second World War were experimenting with making super soldiers and one of the programs involved reanimating the dead. An American Special Operative named Blazkowwicz stopped them fortunately," Giles said.
"Which means that Uncle Sam knows about the supernatural at this point. It's most likely compartmentalized, and hush hush, but some part of the government knows about it, and if they are doing something about it they are keeping very quiet about it, or they aren't doing anything," Xander said sourly.
"Knowing the Council, I suspect the latter," Giles said.
"What do you think we should do? I know that being evasive about the truth isn't going to make them trust me, but you are the Slayer and letting them know directly affects you, so I'll follow your lead on this," Xander asked turning to Buffy
"I don't know, Xander. Not really wanting to be experimented on, which is a possibility if they find out about what I can do," Buffy said and sighed.
"Less likely with the US government than some, but still a valid concern, Buffy and one of the more recent reasons the Council has given for staying secret," Giles said.
"Ok, how's this for a plan. We get them to spill the beans first. Sign whatever non-disclosure forms they want us to and listen to what they have to say and that will give us a chance to feel them out a bit," Willow said.
"Actually, now that I think about it, there is the Wolfenstein Agreement," Giles said. thoughtfully.
"The Wolfenstein Agreement?" Buffy asked.
"It was an agreement signed by the Watcher's Council, Her Majesty's Government and the US Government after the incident I told you about involving Sergeant Blazkowwicz stating basically that the supernatural is the Council's purview and to stay out of it," Giles said.
"Captain Kirk says that if there is already such an agreement in place how the Enterprise arrived in this timeline falls under its auspices and they'll just have to accept it if they want the goods. I think he's right. They ARE drooling over the Enterprise. They'd put on tutu's and dance to bad polkka just to get a peek at her," Xander said ,causing a much needed ripple of laughter to round the shuttle, then a beep sounded from the flight console. "Looks like I need to fly again. You folks ready to see her?"
A chorus of yes's greeted Xander's statement and Xander smiled as the Enterprise came into view and grew larger. He was especially gratified when gasps of awe went around the shuttle's cabin, he started humming the theme to the Next Generation as the shuttle approached her.
"Xander...she's...she's...beautiful," Willow said.
"Yeah, the show..doesn't do her justice at all," Buffy breathed.
"It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen," Giles whispered.
Xander didn't land right away but took the shuttle to Enterprise's port side giving them a good look at her exterior. Willow, Buffy and Giles' eyes were transfixed as they saw her weaponry, the deflector dish, the primary hull and on the starboard side the bridge and a close up of the starboard nacelle. He then oriented the shuttle and began landing procedures.
Enjoying showing her off? Kirk asked, amusement in his tone.
"So are you," Xander replied, glad that Kirk had kept mostly quiet during the Scooby meeting.
"Huh?" Willow and Buffy said together.
"I was talking to Kirk," Xander said.
"Oh...that has got to be weird," Buffy said.
She has no idea. You dating her? Kirk asked.
"Dating who?" Xander blurted.
Buffy, she's very attractive, Kirk said.
"You can use my eyes now?" Xander said.
It happened just before we left. You must be the talk of the school associating with who have to be the two most beautiful girls at the school, Kirk said.
"He can use your eyes now?" Giles asked.
"Yes, Giles, and not so much, Captain," Xander said.
You handled that very well, Kirk said.
"What did he say to you?"
"Commenting on the company I keep," Xander said cryptically.
"With the dating comment that would have to be either Buffy or me," Willow said, sounding a bit wistful.
"Not important right now," Xander said as he completed landing the shuttle.
Xander started the tour in Engineering; Willow seemed to be in Heaven while Buffy was impressed but quickly bored. Giles...Xander didn't know what to make of his opinion.
"It's running at its lowest output right now without shutting down completely, one atom of antihydrogen per minute. At that rate the Enterprise will run out of antimatter about the time we launch NCC-1701-Z," Xander said.
"That long?" Willow asked in awe.
"Yeah, keep in mind this basically idling the ship. She had just finished provisioning for a five year mission that planned on an average cruising speed of warp eight," Xander said.
"Can this thing meltdown?" Buffy asked.
"Not if properly maintained," Xander said.
"Which is true of nuclear reactors, Xander," Giles said.
"True. When an old style nuclear power plant melts down, it's because the fissile material is allowed to get too hot which leads to a runaway reaction," Xander began.
"Then Boom!" Buffy said.
"A civilian nuclear reactor can't explode Buffy, but an antimatter reactor can, and when it does it is IMPRESSIVE," Xander said.
"Impressive?" Buffy asked.
"The worst that can happen is for the antimatter storage bottles to fail, then the antimatter comes in contact with the matter the ship is made of and the resulting explosion would be just shy of five thousand megatons of TNT," Xander said as the group blanched.
"Ok...but aren't the bottles made of matter? I don't understand why she's not blowing up if antimatter destroys matter," Buffy asked, confused.
Xander nodded and said, "No...the bottles are magnetic fields, independently powered by fusion reactors."
"So there are also fusion reactors on this ship?" Buffy asked.
"Of course, the safest power plant the Federation knows about," Xander said.
"And what happens if THEY meltdown?" Buffy asked sounding nervous
"They can't, if anything goes wrong with a fusion plant, it just shuts down," Xander said.
"And what if it CAN'T shut down?" Buffy persisted.
"You aren't understanding, anything goes wrong the temperature in the fusion plant drops, once the temperature drops the reaction stops. Fusion reactions need heat to take place," Xander said.
"Oh...So the bridge?" Buffy asked, her curiosity sated.
"Aye, aye...Captain Summers," Xander said drily with a grin.
"...and over here is astrogation and the helm and weapons. Helm and weapons really need to be separate stations, but Starfleet hasn't gotten around to it yet as the need for it is under review. So for now navigation flies the ship while the helmsman fires weapons. Helm is always a higher rank than astrogation also. During battle the science officer handles electronic warfare, ECM and ECCM and the engineering station acts as damage control. The damage control officer handles that and is always the second ranking engineering officer after the chief engineer," Xander said, ending his tour of the bridge.
"So what's next?" Willow asked.
"We call General Hammond," Xander said.
"Seems the best of alot of bad options, but this is your show, Xander," Buffy said.
"Nah...it's always been your show, Buffy. But thank you for being willing to take a chance on this," Xander said and was rewarded with a small smile from the Slayer. He then went to the com station.
Deep within Cheyenne mountain, the Enterprise and Ensign Harris was the topic de jour. General Hammond and SG-1 were waiting with differing levels of patience for the Enterprise to call. The five of them were seated around the briefing table.
"So when did he say he'd be calling again?" Colonel Jack O'Neill asked impatiently.
"He didn't Jack. He said something about needing to talk to his friends first and while he didn't come out and say it, he did imply that the discussion he wanted to have involved how the Enterprise came to reside in Earth orbit. While I'm glad to see her, especially considering how quickly she dealt with the Chinese's colossally stupid move of firing nukes at her," General Hammond said.
"I'm impressed with the restraint Ensign Harris showed in dealing with the Chinese. Technically the Chinese declared war on the United Federation of Planets by launching on the Enterprise which takes either incredible guts or someone being crazy stupid," Jackson said.
"My money is on the crazy stupid," Jack said drily.
"Depending on how powerful the Enterprise is it's a wonder they didn't get flattened," Captain Samantha Carter said.
"I think it's only because the young man aboard her didn't want the death's of millions on his conscience that they aren't," General Hammond said.
"Which says good things about him," Jack said.
"True. Though the ship has to be a treasure trove of new technology," Sam said sipping her coffee.
The door opened and Master Sergeant Walter Harriman entered the briefing room. He saluted the General, Colonel and Captain in the room and said, "He's asking for you now, General."
"Thank you Walter, would you please put through in here, please?" General Hammond asked.
"Of course, Sir," Walter said and snapped off another salute and left to connect the communication.
"This is General Hammond, how are you this morning, Ensign?" General Hammond asked after the communication was transferred to the briefing room.
"I haven't been shot at by anyone yet today, so I consider that the start of a good day," Xander said.
"Any day that starts that way is a good one, Ensign," General Hammond said, with a smile then grew serious. "I have some people with me that I'd like to introduce to you. First is Colonel Jack O'Neill."
"Hello, Ensign, is she as impressive as I'm imagining?" Jack asked.
"Depends on how big your imagination is, Colonel," Xander replied, winning a grin he couldn't see from the Colonel.
"Next is Captain Samantha Carter," General Hammond introduced.
"I'm really looking forward and getting a look at any theoretical documents on board the Enterprise, Ensign, not to mention the warp core itself," Sam said.
"I haven't had a chance to go through the ship's library but I'm sure there's enough up here for several Nobel Prizes...though not sure how they'd award them," Xander said with a chuckle.
"Next we have Doctor Daniel Jackson," General Hammond said.
"Pleased to meet you, Ensign," Daniel said.
"No comments about the Enterprise's sickbay?" Xander asked.
"I'm not that kind of Doctor," Daniel said.
"Oh...so you have a TARDIS and I can go ahead and take the Enterprise for a spin around the Galaxy, right?" Xander asked with a snicker.
"Sorry, not British. I'm actually an archaeologist," Daniel answered with a grin.
"So what does an archaeologist do for the Air Force at NORAD?" Xander asked.
"That would have to wait until we have a freshly signed non-disclosure form," Jack piped up.
"The last member of our group here is Teal'c," General Hammond said.
"It will be an honor to meet you, Ensign Harris," Teal'c said.
"As to the aforementioned ND agreement, you do need to come down here, or beam up some representatives, whichever you are most comfortable with," General Hammond said.
"No can do on the transporters, I'm afraid. You're all human down there as far as the ship is concerned so I have no way of locking on for transport and if my friends and I beam down...you'd need to launch a shuttle to get us back up here, so we'll come by shuttlecraft. Where would you like us to land?" Xander asked.
"There's a secret base in Nevada...or at least it's supposed to be but air bases are hard to hide. You may know it as Area 51," General Hammond said and had to fight to keep from laughing out loud at the Ensign's...enthusiastic reaction to this news.
The Nevada sun glinted off the hull of the Galileo as she rested on the tarmac. Xander, Willow, Giles and Buffy stood just outside the shuttle and it was obviously attracting attention, but no one came over.
Good discipline there, Kirk commented.
"Yeah, if we were anyplace else we'd be mobbed," Xander replied.
"So where's our ride to Colorado?" Buffy asked, shielding her eyes with her hand.
"I'm sure they'll be along. We can move faster than the Air Force after all," Xander said sitting on the Galileo's nacelle.
"I do hope they hurry, this wasn't exactly what I had planned for the weekend," Giles said, joining Xander on the shuttle's nacelle.
"Tell me about it, I was planning on a sugar coma today," Xander said as he squinted. At least it was the first of November. The weather was perfect. The foursome had been waiting an hour when a Major flanked by two MPs approached them.
"Ensign Harris and party, I presume?" the Major asked.
Xander stood and saluted the Major which was crisply returned then Xander said, "I'm Ensign Harris, this is Rupert Giles, Willow Rosenberg and Buffy Summers."
"Major Paul Davies, United States Air Force. If you'll follow me I have a plane waiting to take you to the Mountain. I also have the standard non disclosure forms for you and your party to sign. I suppose I don't need to say that your arrival has generated quite a stir," Davies said as he led the Scoobies to an awaiting private jet. Buffy and Willow gaped at the Gulfstream 450 that was waiting on them.
"They seem to want to impress us," Giles said.
"What do you mean?" Xander asked.
"That's Gulfstream's top-of-the-line jet," Giles said.
"It is?" Xander asked.
"Yes, I do like SOME technology. I've loved aeroplanes since I was a small boy," the Watcher said.
"And you think you know a guy," Xander teased.
"There's many things you don't know about me," Giles said as they boarded the plane behind the excited girls.
Once they were settled in the plane and it began taxing Davies pulled up a briefcase and pulled out four copies of Standard Form 312 placed them before the Scoobies.
"This is the fun piece of paper that says if you tell anyone about what you are about to hear without express permission from someone that either has stars on their shoulders or lives in a big white house in Washington DC, you get to be a guest in Kansas for at least 20 years," Davies said, with a wry grin.
"I thought it would be longer," Buffy said looking at the form.
"It doesn't take much to say you blab we lock you up, even in legalize," Willow said sagely. Causing Xander to chuckle.
The four of them quickly read and signed the NDF, and Davies collected them.
"Thank you for your cooperation on this, now I get to brief you on the second biggest secret in the US Government, the first being the President's brownie recipe," which got a small chuckle out of the Scoobies. "In 1928 in Giza an American archaeologist discovered a very large ring with 39 symbols carved into it. The ring itself demonstrated some very unusual superconductive qualities so instead of being placed in a museum the Egyptian government allowed the US government to take possession of the artifact for study, which proved fruitless until last year…" Davies continued the debrief on the Stargate holding the Scoobies in rapt attention.
After Davies finished Xander sat back in his seat and said, "Wow...and I thought OUR story was out there."
"No kidding," Willow said.
"I do have a question, why wasn't the gate just reburied after the discovery of Ra?" Giles asked, the three of them all but talking over each other.
"The gate itself was basically shut down for a full year after the Abydos mission, but another Goa'uld system lord named Apophis apparently was trying all of the gate addresses of worlds that fell under Ra's control and a squad of Jaffa came through killing the security detachment we had there. After that it was quickly decided that we needed to get out there since the System Lords knew that we'd advanced to the point where we could be considered a threat and they do have starships," Davies answered.
"If they use these Stargate thingies, why would they need spaceships?" Buffy asked all but dropping her bubble head act.
"Several factors Miss Summers. First only one Stargate can be active on a world at one time. The dialing process isn't precise enough to have say a Stargate on each continent and be able to just dial up Europe or North America, which given the size of the Earth itself isn't so useful for proper exploration. Also the Stargate can only stay active for thirty minutes at a time and its physical dimensions limit the amount and types of cargo you can send through," Davies said.
"Ok, so starships are superior to Stargates, why have Stargates?" Xander asked.
"They are MUCH faster, traveling between worlds between worlds occurring in fractions of a second. According to Teal'c it can take a Goa'uld warship weeks to get to a given planet, also there really isn't any faster than light communication that they've found, not that the System Lords are great innovators, but Stargates allow for it if only by the simple expediency of sending someone through with a message, but we've found that two way radio communication is possible through an active wormhole," Davies said.
"So they have advantages, but if you are going to be a true interstellar civilization you still need a navy," Xander said.
"Pretty much," Davies agreed.
"So just how dangerous are the Goa'uld?" Willow asked.
"Very dangerous, Miss Rosenberg. They have a starfleet and billions of troops and have no empathy for any species other than themselves and barely even then. When they come to Earth, and I believe it is just a matter of time before they do, they will probably depopulate the planet with orbital strikes killing up to 90% of the population of the planet. It would be the worst catastrophe modern civilization has ever faced and the dead would be the lucky ones. The survivors would be enslaved and most likely taken off world as Earth would most likely not be fit to live on for a few decades after their attack," Davies said.
"So the end of the world?" Buffy asked.
"For all intents and purposes," Davies said gravely.
"Well I've stopped one apocalypse already," Buffy said casually causing the Air Force Major to blanche while Xander looked thoughtful.
Giles sighed and said, "Major, when we arrive at the Mountain, I strongly suggest you request a copy of the Wolfenstein Agreement, I fear the General will have questions about it soon after we arrive."
Major Davies was content to let the Scoobies enjoy the flight and moved out of earshot so they could talk in private.
"And I thought having the Chinese firing a couple of nukes at me would be the most terrifying thing to happen this week," Xander said.
"Aliens are real...and they want to kill us," Willow said quietly.
"I think we need to hear the Captain's perspective on this, Xander," Buffy said, her voice quite.
Care to relay for me, Ensign? Kirk said.
"No problem," Xander said.
From what the Major said the Goa'uld occupy more of the Galaxy than the Romulans and Klingons combined, and the only reason they don't occupy more is because they have so many intercine conflicts. It is obvious that the US Government thinks they are an existential threat and need to be dealt with, an opinion I agree with. Kirk said through Xander.
"Do you have any thoughts on how best to deal with them, Captain?" Giles asked.
We need to grow. One planet cannot win a war like we seem to be in. The only reason we haven't been destroyed yet is again, the intercine conflicts within Goa'uld civilization. The fact that the Goa'uld are more concerned about another Goa'uld gives us a small advantage, one that will be gone once they realize we are an actual threat and as proud as I am of the Enterprise, even fully crewed there is no way she can defend Earth from a serious attack from the Goa'uld.
"How many ships do you think Enterprise can take, Captain?"Xander asked.
Until I know the specs of their ships I can't really answer that, but I do know she can't win a war by herself. I also know that Earth by herself won't be able to win a war against the Goa'uld because they have so many planets and infrastructure in place and we don't.
"What about other members of the Federation? Some of them might exist here," Willow said.
It is a possibility to explore, but I'm worried that the Goa'uld might have destroyed them if they have been active in space since ancient Egypt, even the Vulcans would have been pre warp at that point. It is entirely possible the Goa'ald destroyed them, or have hemmed them in.
"If they are only hemmed in we might be able to help each other," Buffy said.
True, and I hope that is the case. I would hate to think that the many species in the Federation have been wiped out.
An hour later they were in a humvee leaving the Colorado Springs Airport and after an hour drive they found themselves at Cheyenne Mountain. They were escorted by Major Davies to the briefing room where General Hammond and SG-1 were waiting, all five stood and saluted Xander who returned the salute after a moment's hesitation.
"Welcome to StarGate Command, Ensign and guests," General Hammond greeted. The General reminded Xander a little of his grandfather on his mother's side. "I am General George Hammond, commanding officer of this facility, and this is Colonel Jack O'neill, my XO and commander of SG-1."
Colonel O'Neill smiled and continued the introductions. Once the formalities were done the Scoobies sat down at the conference table.
"I assume Major Davies briefed you on the StarGate Program, do you have any questions?" Hammond asked.
"No, not really. He was very thorough. However I suspect you have a lot of questions for us," Xander said, repeating what Kirk told him to say.
"Yes we do, starting with HOW," Colonel O'neill said.
"I thought that might be the first one," Xander said with a small grin. "Giles, you better take this question."
"Of course. First I need to remind you of the Wolfenstein Agreement between the Queen's government and the United States, what I am about to tell you falls under that agreement and is as binding as the NDF we signed on the plane," Giles said.
"Wolfenstein Agreement?" Hammond asked.
"Yes, I believe Major Davies is already requesting a copy, but in short it is an agreement that states that neither the United States nor the British government will act or study the supernatural without the consent of the International Watchers Council. It further stipulates that neither government will reveal what it knows about the supernatural to the general public," Giles replied.
"Supernatural? You are saying the ship in orbit was brought here by magic?" Captain Carter asked.
"Essentially yes," Giles said.
"There has to be some other explanation," Carter said.
"No, there doesn't, Captain. I understand your skepticism on this as you've never been exposed to what we deal with, but rest assured it is very real," Giles said.
Carter looked thoughtful and Jack asked, "Thoughts, Captain?"
"In the end Colonel, we know the Chinese launched two ICBMs at something in orbit, we know that SOMETHING shot them down and that the young Ensign here claims that something was the Federation Starship Enterprise that he was somehow aboard. While we still don't have visuals on the ship herself we do know that there is a large object in geosync orbit over California and the images of the craft they arrived in at Area 51 does appear to be a shuttlecraft as depicted in Star Trek. To have a hypothesis on HOW it happened, I need more data," Carter said.
"Ok," Jack said.
"I think at this point we should address the elephant in the room then, what are your intentions, Ensign?" General Hammond asked.
"I understand your concerns, General. The Enterprise is 270 years more advanced than anything on Earth. That is the same as...what ship has a complement of about 400 in the Navy now?" Xander asked.
"A Ticonderoga class cruiser would fit, Ensign," General Hammond said.
"Thank you General," Xander said. "It would be the same as a Ticonderoga class cruiser showing up in New York harbor in 1727."
"A game changer, then," Colonel O'Neill said. "Just what is onboard her, Ensign?"
"Yes, Enterprise will change the world, Colonel. Just her power generation systems and computers will fundamentally change life on Earth, add in the replicator technology she has on board, food and water problems are solved globally and that is before the warp drive and her weapons," Xander said.
"Do you have hard numbers?" Captain Carter asked.
"No, I don't. It's obvious the US Military would LOVE to get even a five minute peak at her, but I feel morally obligated that Enterprise is going to make life better for everyone, so we need to come to an agreement of some kind BEFORE you get hard numbers on anything much less a peek at her," Xander said.
"Fair enough, how much do you want, given what Enterprise would mean to us I know that you can basically write your own check," General Hammond said.
"Not money General. If I just wanted money I'd download the specs on a fusion reactor and the replicator and be set for life, however considering the danger Earth is in, you need more than just the ship. You need ME," Xander said.
"Care to explain that? Not saying you are wrong, but I'd still like to hear it," General Hammond said.
"Sure, simply put, the same forces that brought Enterprise here also gave me the memories of having gone through StarFleet Academy. I have the same education as a newly minted Ensign in Starfleet. That means that I know Enterprise better than anyone on this planet and if you are serious about defending this planet from the Goa'uld you don't need one ship you will take years to understand, you need a fleet like YESTERDAY. Sadly I don't have that to offer, but I can help bring your people up to speed much faster than them doing it on their own while I'm in Jamaica sucking down a Pina Colada," Xander said.
"A fair point, so I assume you have at least the beginnings of a plan?" Colonel O'neil asked.
"Yes, and you will hate it," Xander said
