I was a child until the spring of my seventeenth year. In a very short time, I grew up. Not only did I become a woman, but I became a different person entirely.
The first time I saw her, I knew that my life would change forever. She was near to five years older than me, but she smiled with such sweet sincerity that I, in my simplicity, thought that surely she must be an angel, and I told her so. But she only laughed, and told me that I was so young, and that she was sorry to place so heavy a burden on me. Though when I inquired as to what burden she would place on me, she smiled that dazzling smile at me, and changed the subject.
In the days that followed, I discovered much about her, and suspect she discovered much about me, as well. We were so alike, she and I. I told her she did not have my unruly temperament, but she only laughed and told me that it had, most likely, been trained out of her from the very beginning, and she suspected that had it not, we would have yet another commonality. But our similarities did not end there, of course. In fact, we were so similar, even in appearance, that even her closest friends sometimes mistook us, the one for the other.
If there had been time, I am certain that we could have been the best of friends.
And, ultimately, that was the issue. Serenity lacked time.
I didn't know it at first, of course. Very few people were privy to the truth, and it was the most highly guarded secret in the entire kingdom. I am not ashamed to say that when I was told, I cried as though I might never stop.
"Usagi," she admonished gently, touching my hair, so similar to hers in color and length. "Usagi, don't cry."
"There must be something that can be done," I cried, sniffling rather inelegantly. She smiled regretfully.
"Nothing, I'm afraid. Quite incurable." She said it as though one might say 'It looks like rain, pity about the weather', or some other trivial remark, and it sent me into further hysterics. I had become so fond of her already. But she simply stroked my hair, waiting for my sobs to subside.
"You remember, Usagi, that I apologized to you when you were brought here," Serenity began softly. I nodded, wiping my cheeks. Now I was a little ashamed of myself for giving way to such intense emotion. Serenity would never allow herself to behave as I just had, and I so wanted to emulate her.
"I am so sorry to burden you with this, Usagi. You are so young, you have all your life ahead of you. I want you to know that you can refuse what I must ask without any fear of repercussion. But for the sake of the kingdom, I must ask it." She looked at me with tears in her eyes, and in that moment, I would have agreed to anything to make her happy again.
"Usagi, I am dying. I have a month or less to live, and there is no cure for me. You must have, by now, noticed our physical similarities," she said, and again I nodded. "I am asking you to take my place upon my death. I need you, for the sake of this kingdom, to be me."
I reeled with shock, and some of my confusion must have shown upon my face, for she threw her arms around me, hugging me to her as if she were afraid that I might run.
"I'm so sorry, Usagi. I would not ask this of you if I did not have to. But I am my mother's only child, and there will be no one to guard the kingdom when we both are dead."
"Your mother," I gasped, only just now realizing the implications of such a charade. "I would never be able to fool your mother."
"She knows, Usagi. She was the one who found you," Serenity responded.
"My parents," I said suddenly, my eyes growing impossibly wide. Serenity shook her head regretfully.
"They cannot be told. I would have you understand everything before you make your decision, Usagi. It will be my body that dies, but your life will be forfeit. It is I who will live through you. If you agree to what I ask, I will be buried with the name Usagi, and you will live with the name Serenity. Your parents will be told that you are dead. Only a select few will know the truth."
My body was trembling with the weight of this fantastic secret. My eyes lifted to hers, and though her gaze was steady, a few tears had escaped down her pale cheeks. She looked tragic and beautiful.
"There is one thing more. I have a fiancé. His name is Prince Endymion of Earth. He has not been told of my condition, Usagi. If you decide to do this, you are to marry him." Her hands trembled on my shoulders, and my heart wrenched at the thought of her offering her beloved into the keeping of another. I could not imagine how much it must hurt her.
"He will certainly know that I am not you," I said. She shook her fair head.
"I love him with all my heart, Usagi, but we see each other rarely. The next time I am supposed to see him is on our wedding day, some months hence. Of course, by that time, I shall no longer be in the realm of the living." Her lips trembled into a pale shadow of a smile.
"How can you jest?" My voice broke, and I dissolved into tears. She held me comfortingly, though I suppose I should have been the one comforting her.
"I have made my peace with my fate, Usagi. I am not afraid of death. I am afraid of leaving my people unprotected. I have so little time left, and so many things left to accomplish. I need your help. If I did not believe that you could accomplish what I cannot, I would not ask. But, Usagi, you must believe me when I tell you that there is no one else to whom I would entrust this task. We are just alike, you and I. I believe you will fulfill our duty to our people, that you will honor my mother, cherish my fiancé, and love my friends as if they were your own. Will you do this great task for me?"
I was so sure that no one could ever replace her, that I would fall far short of her perfection. But her entreaty was in her eyes, her desperation to be certain world was well protected before she left it. And she was certain that I could do it. Her certainty gave me the courage to do what was required of me. I closed my eyes, shed a few, private tears for my friends and family whom I would likely never see again, and opened them again with resolve.
"I will do it," I said firmly.
She looked at me silently for a few moments, as though giving me time to change my mind, but I didn't waver.
"You will have to begin lessons at once," she said. I was confused.
"Beg pardon?"
"Lessons," she said. "You will require lessons in being me. You will need to know how to walk, how to talk, how to sit, and how to dance. You will need to be well-versed in my family history, a basic knowledge of several languages, as well as learning to recognize the people that commonly come to court. You will need to know seemingly trivial things so that no one suspects the truth. And," she said softly, "I will need to teach you everything I know about Endymion."
"Oh, Serenity," I breathed, "can't we tell just him? Please?"
"Absolutely not," she said firmly. "If he knew you were not me, he would never wed you, and that would be the end of all our plans. He does love me, you see. It would kill him to know that I am dying. I doubt not that he will learn you are not me after the wedding. But by then, you will already be married, and he would have to denounce you as a fraud to get the marriage annulled. That is something he would not do." Serenity placed her delicate hands on either side of my face and kissed my forehead.
"Usagi, I am entrusting him to you. I love him better than anyone in the universe. I know you will love him, too, if only for my sake."
"I will love him as you do, Serenity," I replied.
"I know you will," she said, laying her forehead against mine. We sat there for a few minutes, each of us desolate, comforting one another. Finally she drew away and stood, offering me her hand.
"Come," she said. "There is much for you to learn and little time in which to learn it."
Weeks passed quickly, and I learned everything I could about the life of a princess and the behaviors of a princess from the moment I woke to the moment I went to sleep at night. Serenity tutored me the most. She seemed well enough at first, if a little pale. But towards the end, we were confined to her bedroom as she could no longer find the strength to stand.
Finally, on that last morning, I woke to several people filing into my chamber through the secret passage through the wall that Serenity had used in her healthier days. Two women carried Serenity in. The black-haired one snapped at me to stop gawking and get out of bed.
"Rei," Serenity said gently, "be kind to her. She will be your princess." Her words rasped and her breathing was labored. As I clamored out of bed, Serenity was laid gently upon it, wearing the same simple cut of nightgown as I was.
I was horrified. In all my weeks of training I still had not prepared myself for this moment; for Serenity's inevitable death. I knelt at the side of my bed, silent, hot tears sliding down my face as I looked down at her.
"Don't cry for me," she said, touching my hand gently. Her breath rattled, and her eyes fluttered. "I give you my name, Serenity," she whispered, "I give you my mother and my friends. I give you my betrothed. Be good to them as I would have. You are so young," she said on a sigh.
"I will do all that you have asked of me," I replied, my words steeped in sorrow. "Serenity, I shall miss you. You are my dearest friend."
But she could no longer hear me.
Even as I bent my head to cry for her, I was pulled away from the bed, and pushed back through the passageway into Serenity's room. Swift hands yanked my nightgown over my head and just as quickly pulled on finer one, one of Serenity's.
"You get in bed, Serenity," Rei, Serenity's black-haired friend said to me. "I must go announce Usagi's death."
I did as I was told, and shortly after Rei left, the bedroom door opened again, and the queen, whom I had never met before, and several other courtiers entered.
"Serenity, my dear," the queen said, her voice soft and sad, "I regret to inform you that your lady-in-waiting, has passed away."
She walked nearer to the bed, and, hesitantly held out her arms. I fell into them at once. To the courtiers, I am sure it looked like the queen comforting her daughter in her time of grief. But I knew that the queen was crying for her lost daughter, and I am sure she knew I cried for her, too.
It was the twentieth of May.
It was the day I died, to be reborn a princess.
