Disclaimer: All characters, settings, etc. that are recognizable are the property of their respective owners. I am not associated with the owners, creators or producers of any media franchise. Original characters and plot lines are Ethereal Euphoria's property. No copyright infringement intended.

Title: Zonkers

Summary: AU. Unknown to the rest of the Wizarding world, Harry is taken from the ruins of Godric's Hollow and is trained to become the man he needs to become. Who knew Monopoly could do all that?

Authors Note: This is really just an idea that came to me. It basically, just popped into my head and I couldn't seem to stop myself from writing it. This will also be a sort of Harry is a prodigy but not as much as in my other story Prodigal Delinquent. Harry will be a bit advanced though... but thats the point of the whole training-his-entire-life thing. Oh btw, NO PAIRINGS PLANNED as of yet.

Chapter 1 – Collect $200 as you pass Go!

The night sky was beautiful. Its twinkling stars shone brightly and the moon cast an ethereal haze over the land. Unfortunately, the earth below the sky was not in symbiosis with its counterpart. For down below, in a little town called Godric's Hollow, an infant boy was crying out into the night.

A house lay in ruins, pieces of wood falling onto the ground and the glow of a fading fire evident to the human eye. Pieces of cloth from ruined furniture were still on fire and pipes connected to the ground were spitting out buckets of water. Fallen debris from the walls and furniture littered lazily all over the property. Still, the cries of a lone child were piercing the quiet.

A man with eyes of old and beard so long as to reach and brush the ground, stared at the ruins. His lips turned upwards into an excited smile and he approached the ruined home. He spelled debris away from his path, bursting into sporadic bouts of laughter as he went on his way. Finally spotting the source of all the noise, he giggled a few times and bent down.

That moment had really been the first time he had seen the young lad. The jet black messy hair was the trademark of the Potter line. His pale skin was inherited from his mother, along with her nose and startling green eyes.

The Potter heir suddenly grew quiet as he too peered into the much elder face of the man who held him. Brown but graying hair was peeping out a large wizard's hat that sported a stuffed raccoon at the top, blue-grey eyes which showed a reflection of the baby boy, tan skin littered with age lines showed that the man was indeed of old, and a small and round nose at the center of the mans face caused the little heir to smile.

The man grew stiff as the little boy suddenly reached a chubby hand over to the formers nose… and promptly squeezed the tip, making noises that sounded a bit like 'Honk!' Harry went into a fit of giggles before yawning and slowly shutting his eyelids.

The man stared at the child with incredulity before wiping some dirt onto the tip of the boy's nose and some on his cheeks. Smiling in satisfaction as he did, acting as if he had suddenly gotten even with the boy.

"We'll have loads of fun together now, won't we?" he whispered, walking away from the ruined home… but not before leaving a calling card on the spot where he had found the young orphan.

The house was still crumbling, however, and a piece of cloth from the boys crib fell almost directly over the corner of the calling card. Nonetheless, the paper card started to burn and the words 'William Harvey Zonko; inventor, businessman, and game-enthusiast' were never read by the gentle giant that arrived only a few minutes later…

~....flyingpigs. flyingpigs.~

Adam Parsely always loved his job. Days at work were spent winding up toys and exploding fireworks every which way. Children would come in the dozens daily, laughing and pointing at the trinkets on display. He would help them as they hid from their parents, counting their knuts and sickles if they had enough to buy whatever they needed to prank their siblings and friends. Adam absolutely loved waking up every day and living in a world where laughter was abundant.

He often wondered what his employer was like. After all, Adam was recruited right out of Hogwarts by Mr. W.H. Zonko himself to join the staff at the Zonko shop at Hogsmeade. Adam immediately accepted the job and to that day, did not regret it. Working so near Hogwarts, he was almost assured that he would not be in as much trouble if he had worked at Diagon Ally or the Ministry. It was common knowledge that You-Know-Who feared Dumbledore. It didn't hurt to stay so near his alma matter either.

All he ever heard of from his employer, a Mr. W.H. Zonko, were letters and posts at their company newsletter, available every month which came along with product invention news and notices for products that would cease production. He imagined Mr. Zonko to be an old grandfather type with kind brown eyes and a beard… somewhat imaging Jolly Old Saint Nicholas as the man who had employed him.

Lately, he noticed that his employer had completely stopped his annual posts in their company newsletter and in fact, it had almost been six months that Adam had even heard of him. Adam wanted to owl Mr. Zonko ever since he was promoted.

He no longer worked as a clerk in the Hogsmeade branch but was the store manager at the newest Zonko branch near muggle London. Mr. W.H. Zonko had written him a year before that he had wanted to open the shop near the Muggle World as to see the prospects of selling Muggle-based items in the shop.

The shop had two-sides. With large-scale and high-level notice-me-not charms, they were able to combine a muggle joke shop and magical joke shop. Wizards would see the shop as a regular Zonko's branch and, using a charmed door, enter the east-shop. While muggles would see an interesting joke shop and enter the west-portion.

Adam would always laugh when a young muggle-born witch or wizard would suddenly find themselves on the east-side and he would sit them down and explain to them a few things. He would then lead them to the west-side and tell them that they can come to him anytime if they wanted to see more magic or simply enjoy the products on the east-side. He would also ask them to promise not to tell anyone of the magical side of the shop.

Of course, seeing as most of them ranged from ages 5-10, they still told their parents and friends. Their parents thought it cute that their children enjoyed the shop so much, attributing the magical items to their children's imaginations, and brought them back quite often. While their friends would simply smile and ask to hear more about the magical world he/she spoke about.

He wanted to owl Mr. Zonko immediately about the progress of the shop but was too intimidated to even start to pen the letter. Not to mention that Mr. W.H. Zonko had not been heard from in a while…

So it was in Adam's surprise, when on Halloween of the year 1981, an elderly man with graying-brown hair, an odd hat, and a long beard entered his shop right before he was about to lock up, carrying a small bundle in his arms.

~....rainbowtruffles. rainbowtruffles.~

Adam still couldn't believe where he found himself, six years after that fateful night. He was sitting across his employ- ahem, friend, and sipping tea while holding a muggle timer in his other hand.

Zonko grinned as he the timer went past the hour-and-a-half mark and with a wink in Adams direction, sang out.

"Find me, find me, or you'll lose all sense! Plotting, plotting I must be, to think of a consequence!"

There was a loud exasperated sigh somewhere around the large 'garden' they were currently within. Adam glanced around and could already feel an oncoming headache.

He felt pity for young Harvey. The 'garden' where they were currently having tea in was better described as 'forest'. Large, menacing looking trees, with plants such as the Devil's snare, other plants that were seemingly harmless were about and of course, the surprise charms ingrained on some trees such as confundus and touch-activated-stunners. Not to mention the collection of 'pets' the seemingly harmless man named W.H. Zonko owned. His pets ranged from golden retriever pups to twenty-foot anacondas. And those were the non-magical pets. Adam could only twitch an eye when he thought of the Sphinx Zonko had brought home after a trip to Egypt.

"So cute!" the old man had exclaimed as the large sphinx chased after the house elves, young Harvey, and Adam all over the grounds.

Adam did not know how Harvey could live with the man. He couldn't even stand to sleep in the mansion for fear of waking up in the realm of the dead. If he could describe the man called Zonko his most polite description would probably be 'eccentric' but the truth of it was… Mr. William Harvey Zonko was bonkers.

Young Harvey learned at a young age that Zonko liked games… he liked games so much he made them up daily. Harvey grew up playing games such as life-sized Monopoly, actually getting to enter houses/hotels and paying the fines in galleons (Harvey lost a years worth of allowance while Zonko converted all the money he won into knuts and started swimming in it), Exploding Chess where the chess pieces you lost would be sent back to you and explode in your face (Harvey singed off both his eyebrows), Heaven and Earth where Harvey had to levitate to avoid stepping on the ground since low-level demons 'magically' appeared and tried to drag him to their realm to Zonko's delight (Harvey mysteriously appeared a few hours after losing, wide and twitchy-eyed), Extreme Quidditch wherein all the balls were bludgers (Harvey broke an arm, a leg, and his middle-finger trying to catch the bludger-snitch), and of course who could forget, Easter Elf Hunting where elves would dress up as garden gnomes and hide within the mansion floors, grabbing legs and making Harvey be half-sunken on the floor. The elves wouldn't let him out until he would recite a limerick on the subject of their own choosing (who could, on the spot, think of a limerick about telephomies?)

But Harvey loved Zonko. That much was obvious. He loved having his life being all fun and games. He loved playing exciting, albeit dangerous, activities everyday. He loved spending time with Zonko because on occasion that he did win a game…the old man would pat him on the back, then suddenly lift him off the ground, twirling him around and around till they both puked. Zonko wasn't negligent either. He took Harvey to monthly trips to Healers to make sure that the boy was fine after such exciting games. Harvey never suffered anything more serious than a slight concussion. When Harvey lost a game, he would still get a consolation prize and his room was filled top to bottom with those things. But the prize when he did win… Harvey got away with virtually anything he wanted on the rare occasion that he won (Some prizes of note were: The Puddlemere United Quidditch Team, a bottle of Felix Felicis, and a pair of mustard-yellow socks). So he strove hard to beat his guardian in the games that were unorthodox, extremely dangerous, and loads of fun.

They were currently playing a new game. Zonko had, as usual, appointed himself game master. Today's game consisted of Harvey entering the forest multiple times and trying to find Adam and Zonko who were at the center. Each half hour that passed, a sense would be removed. When Harvey found the two, he would be banished out of the forest and made to repeat the process but from a different forest entrance. He would regain his lost senses and the game would end once he made it to the two losing a maximum of one special sense.

The boy had now entered the forest through a new entrance for the fifth time that day. And his sixth time looked to be coming soon. He had already lost his hearing, taste and sight.

Sure enough, a few minutes after the hour-and-a-half mark; an exhausted boy at the age of seven came sprawling towards them, finally landing in front of Zonko. The boy's shirt, once white, was brown and sticky. His jeans were torn and his messy hair had twigs and leaved entangled within its depths.

Harvey's senses returned and he smiled an adorable smile since he had been missing a few teeth.

"I made it Zonko!" he shouted out in joy. This had been the fastest he had made it to them. Last time had taken him over two hours.

Zonko smiled, tipped his hat that had a stuffed faux elf on top of it, and banished Harvey once more.

"Why do you torture the poor child?" Adam asked.

Zonko merely smiled, took another sip of tea and glanced at the map of the forest on the table. The map was another creation of Zonko. It consisted of a layout of the area and the people residing in the area appeared as dots in their magical aura's color. Adam was the blue dot, Zonko was the rainbow, and Harvey appeared white-ish green. Harvey's dot had entered the forest… and stopped in front of the sphinx… who knew a dot could move so fast?

Authors Note: So what do you think? Please Read and Review. I'm a bit out of it right now so… haha Next chapter will have more of the story in Harry/Harvey's point of view.