This fanfic is a passion project that I've been planning for a while now. It combines elements of Crash Bandicoot 4: It's About Time and Crash: Mind Over Mutant. It also features a new and most unusual OC (original character) of mine.

This is my celebration of the 25th anniversary of the Crash Bandicoot series. Hope you enjoy.


Evil Public School, Frozen Coast, 2008

The wind howled in the distance as the guards went about their evening patrols, pacing back and forth outside of the ominous school building perched on the edge of a cliff in the farthest reaches of the snow-covered region on the outskirts of Wumpa Island, their furry faces draped in shadow. One of them, the no-nonsense leader of the patrol, wrapped her arms around herself when her fellow guards weren't looking, not letting them see her shivering from the cold, not letting them see that she would or indeed could ever show any sign of weakness. She gritted her teeth and canines; this was going to be a long, cold night.

Suddenly, the air was rent with an ominous, deafening cracking sound. Alarmed, if not bewildered, the patrol members looked up, staring at the gloomy sky overhead as it began to crack open, a huge, jagged quantum rift appearing in midair, permeating the light evening snowfall. Beyond the rift, the star-filled void of deep space could be seen.

Many of the guards began to scream and shout in panic, having never seen an anomaly such as this before. The patrol leader, in spite of how horrified she was, did her best to maintain a tone and demeanour of authority as she barked commands at her fellow anthropomorphic beings, trying to maintain order.

"Remain calm and at your posts, girls!" she ordered sharply, struggling to make herself heard as her patrol ran about, flailing their arms in panic. After a moment, the patrol leader remembered the megaphone holstered at her belt and hastily drew it, holding it up and at the ready. She closed her eyes, opened her mouth and uttered a shrill, obnoxious, animalistic chitter into the sound-amplifying device for several seconds. Visible sound waves in the form of bouncing pink music notes began to emanate from the far end of the megaphone, floating through the air and soon reaching the animalistic ears of her peers, even through their fluffy pink earmuffs. Several of them reached up to cover their already covered ears, wincing at the cacophony of unnaturally amplified noise.

"Oh, my gosh! Is that how we sound when we do that?" the nearest patrol member wondered aloud. "Because that is, like, totally the worst!"

The patrol leader lowered her megaphone, stepping forward and grabbing the guard who had spoken by the collar, lifting her up off the snow-covered ground with surprising strength. "Round up the troops, fellow minion! We've got a catastrophe on our paws!" she commanded, releasing her subordinate, causing the lower ranking minion to drop face-first into the snow. The patrol leader then turned to the rest of the group. "And one of you, find BG-2187 and bring her to me! I just know that she has something to do with this…" she hissed, her eyes narrowing dangerously.


Of Coffee Beans And Mutant Outcasts

Proudly written by Bandicoot Sauce

Chapter 1: A Caffeinated Conspiracy! (Maybe?)

Neon City, The SNaXX Dimension, 3023

"Mmm! Oh, yeah!" Tawna cried enthusiastically, closing her eyes as she chewed her salad sandwich thoroughly, savouring the flavour, the texture, the spice. The adventurous bandicoot woman swallowed her food before grinning at her three cohorts, who were seated around the same table as her in the outdoor area of the futuristic restaurant. "Now this is a sandwich with some serious bite to it! The sweet chilli sauce…" She shivered in misplaced pleasure. "It's just awesome!"

"Yeah, vegetarian food's fine… if you like that sorta thing," Dingodile mused aloud, taking a big, gratuitous bite out of his own steak sandwich, juices visibly oozing from the meat. "Give me a nice bit o' grilled meat any day. Streuth, that's a well-done steak!" the dingo-crocodile hybrid then exclaimed, licking barbecue sauce from around his chops.

"Y'know, I'm not sure Crash and I have ever tried meat," Coco admitted thoughtfully, the sunlight glinting off the lenses of her sport goggles as she sat there next to her brother, taking a sip of her cherry soda before continuing, "We're so used to sustaining ourselves on Wumpa fruit that I'm starting to wonder if it might've affected our sense of taste… though I'm not sure if Crash ever had a sense of taste to begin with," the bandicoot girl admitted as she turned to glance at Crash, who was currently engrossed in positively guzzling a Wumpa Whip, trying to slurp up every ounce of the flavoured shaved ice contained within the paper cup. He stopped suddenly as some of the thick drink caught in his throat and he began to choke, his green eyes going wide. Coco quickly gave her brother a harsh slap on the back and a few specks of shaved ice flew forth from his mouth. Crash drew breath in a great, shuddering gasp of an inhale, relieved to have his airway clear once more. He smiled gratefully at Coco, looking slightly meek, no doubt embarrassed at what his greedy approach to drinking had brought upon himself. Coco just smirked knowingly and put an arm around her brother affectionately.

"Well, if you two tykes are looking to try meat, you'd be hard pressed to find a kid who'd turn their nose up at a chicken nugget or five," Dingodile suggested.

"Can't go wrong with a good piece of sushi," Tawna inputted. "Yeah, I know that fish and meat are not technically in the same food group, but even sooooooooo…"

Crash, Coco and Dingodile stared at their mutual friend, the latter male raising an eyebrow at the way Tawna was staring off into the distance, looking as though she had been struck dumb. She was still vocalising the drawn out syllable of the word 'so', seeming to be unaware that she was doing such. Concerned, Coco waved a hand in front of Tawna's face and, thankfully, the bandicoot woman blinked and shook her head. Even as Tawna tried to pull herself together, a shadow was cast over one side of the table and Crash and Dingodile turned, immediately seeing just what - or rather who - was casting the shadow and, more to the point, why Tawna's brain had apparently shut off a moment ago.

"You folks doing alright? Can I get you anythin' else?" the slightly gruff voice of the waiter asked. He was a male bandicoot with dark red fur, blue eyes and a distinctly muscular build. Even with the smart blue restaurant uniform covering his torso, it was easy to tell that he was 'ripped' in terms of physique; it wasn't hard to guess why Tawna had lost her composure at the sight of him. A small, rectangular badge was pinned to the upper right of the waiter's shirt. It read:

Crunch

"…Huh?" Tawna asked, blinking once more, seeming to have become lost in the male bandicoot's words. "Sorry, what was that?"

"We're just fine, thanks," Coco told the waiter politely, quick to step in before the obviously lovestruck Tawna could do or say anything to embarrass herself. "Actually, I think my friend here could use a latte. She's a little… out of sync at the moment."

"Oh, I'm awful sorry, but the coffee machine's on the fritz, I'm afraid," Crunch explained. "Damn thing keeps spurtin' hot liquid everywhere, won't crush the coffee beans properly… It's less of a coffee machine than it is a chaos machine!" he concluded, giving an awkward smile, clearly hoping for someone to laugh at his feeble joke. When Crash and company showed no visible amusement (not counting Tawna's clueless, lovestruck giggle), the waiter cleared his throat uncomfortably and scratched at the back of his head. "If you folks are dead set on gettin' a coffee, though, I've heard… well, rumours of someone runnin' some sorta backstreet coffee joint over in one o' the apartments in the suburban district downtown. It's only what I've heard, though; can't promise anythin'. Rumour is that the girl who makes this under-the-counter coffee uses…" Crunch glanced around to make sure nobody was listening in before leaning close to the Bandicoots and Dingodile and whispering, "Magic."

"Magic?" Coco repeated with an amused scoff. "There's no such thing as—"

Crash cleared his throat loudly as Aku Aku floated over to rejoin the group, the witch doctor mask having been surveying the sights of the futuristic city, 'making the most of his twilight years,' as he himself had put it. Coco immediately shut her mouth, feeling foolish because of her poor choice of words. Of course she had known that magic was real; what she had meant to say was that no mere mortal, let alone some back-alley barista, would be able to use it without the aid of a spirit mask companion, and those didn't exactly grow on trees... even though they were typically carved from wood. No, it was far more likely that this mystery brewer was putting some sort of illegal substance in their coffee to increase revenue through addiction. Dangerous addiction. The kind that led to an unhealthy, irrational dependency.

"Sounds like someone's brewin' up trouble. Literally," Dingodile mused aloud, voicing Coco's concerns. "You reckon we should check it out?"

It was at that moment that Tawna finally snapped out of her stupor, excited at the prospect of taking down an illegal coffee operation… and possibly sampling a few cautious sips of drug-infused coffee, if only for the sake of impulsiveness… and maybe a brief high. She was proudly adventurous, after all. "Well, what're we waiting for?" she demanded, swiftly getting to her feet and drawing her cutlass, causing Crunch to exclaim in startled surprise; it wasn't every day that a customer came in packing a knife, and a big one at that. "Let's go and roast ourselves a coffee conspiracy ring leader!"

Coco slapped a hand to her forehead. "Put that thing away before police bots come to carry us off," she pleaded with an exasperated groan.


Before anyone calls attention to it, yes, I know that's not how 'SNaXX' is spelled in the actual game. Blame the website for that forced improvisation, not me.

Also, yes, I did imply that Tawna is a low-key druggie. You're welcome! (Seriously, don't do drugs, kids)

Moving on, how about that Crunch cameo, eh? Pretty cool to see an 'alternate universe' version of Crunch, right? RIGHT? You can expect other cameos of classic Crash Bandicoot characters peppered modestly throughout the upcoming chapters, some of which will ALSO be alternate counterparts! Stay tuned!