"Story writers say that love is concerned only with young people, and the excitement and glamour of romance end at the altar. How blind they are. The best romance is inside marriage; the finest love stories come after the wedding, not before." - Irving Stone
For two characters so opposed to marriage, I've always been interested in how Barney and Robin would actually be as husband and wife. And judging from the show's structure and future plans, that's something we'll never get to see. So when I saw the above quote, I knew that I had to use it to write something about their marriage.
To put it simply, this will be a collection of drabbles about various points within their marriage. Some will be a few hundred words and others will be a few thousand. They'll jump around in time – I'll always make sure to include a date – but all will exist within the same universe. There will be some light-hearted ones and others will be darker. It'll honestly be a case of writing whatever inspires me at any given time.
Since all of these chapters will act as standalone stories, I would love some prompts. If there's anything you'd like to see then let me know and I'll give it a shot.
"I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." -Rita Rudner
A New Beginning
May 2013
The Farhampton ballroom is filled with music and laughter as guests catch up with distant relatives and meet those that they can now call family through some faint connection. The seating arrangement has long since been abandoned as guests swap seats or disappear onto the dance floor. Dinner has been eaten, the speeches have been given, and there's no longer a reason for everyone to be confined to the awkward conversations that seating plans usually force upon people. As guests dance and drink, there's a clear energy that only tends to occur when an open bar and romance are involved. And from the joyous atmosphere that fills the room, no one would guess how much of a disaster this day had been so far. However, the negativity has long been forgotten as the alcohol flows freely and the newly married couple dance together amongst the crowd.
From a distance they look like any other couple relishing the joy of being married. Though family and friends pass by, neither pays them much attention. They dance together, forsaking an intricate dance routine for an intimate moment. Barney presses his hands to Robin's hips while she loops her arms around him, allowing her to hold her new husband as closely as she can. Robin's forehead rests against his and they're so close to each other that their noses touch. They exist in their own private world, far away from the noise and movement that surrounds them. It's as if they are entirely unaware of anything that exists beyond the two of them. They sway on the spot, quietly relishing the reality of their relationship. To interrupt them would be to disturb a private and tender moment which is not always easily found during the hectic nature of one's wedding day. Though hectic would be something of an understatement for the day they have had.
On closer inspection, the clues about the unplanned elements of this day are obvious. When Robin kisses her husband's cheek, her choice to kiss the right side of his face rather than the left seems like nothing at all. However, for those who saw Barney crumple to floor after a killer right hook to the jaw that morning, it's a sign of her care to avoid the slowly forming bruise that mars her husband's face. Similarly, Barney's hand placement may seem like nothing at all but his left hand covers the scorch mark that acts as a blemish on the snow white material of his wife's dress. Both wear the traumas of their day, small signs of the fact that even this day, like so many others in their relationship, was not easy. Their relationship has been filled with more challenges than most, and perhaps it is a testament to the pair of them that they have yet to give up. Even with all that had gone wrong on what was supposed to their perfect day, they had stood together at the altar and pledged themselves to one another without a slither of doubt.
As the song draws to an end and the band switch to something more up-tempo, their bubble is burst as even more people crowd onto the floor. Robin blinks and looks around in surprise as if all these people have suddenly appeared from nowhere. It's Barney who takes control, taking his wife's hand to lead her off the floor. But they've barely moved at all before they're waylaid by Robin's aunt who has clearly been taking advantage of the open bar. She kisses them both solidly on the lips before declaring that they'll make beautiful babies. Seemingly unaware of their embarrassment, she embraces them and delves into a story about the summer that Robin spent with her on her farm in Manitoba. By the time she gets around to the afternoon she caught Robin and the sheep shearer in the barn, Robin is certain that she required at least three more glasses of champagne to face this conversation. Her husband's reaction is, unsurprisingly, the opposite of hers. His face is gleeful as he digs for more information, ecstatic to have found a new source for gossip on Robin's life in Canada. Already aware that she's married a man prepared to spend the rest of his life taunting her over her embarrassing past, she fobs her aunt off with some half-formed excuse and drags Barney off the floor.
"Don't," is all she says, grabbing herself a glass of champagne from a passing waiter.
Barney stands in front of her, rocking back and forth on his heels like an excited schoolboy. His mouth is clamped shut in an attempt to force back a grin but it's pointless because his eyes are sparkling and the corners of his mouth twitch as his grin fights to break free. He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks up at her, still desperately fighting the broad grin that she knows is lurking just under the surface.
Eventually she cracks. Taking a large swig of her champagne, she rolls her eyes and wearily says, "Go ahead."
His face lights up like a little boy on Christmas morning as he grins at her. He has the same look in his eyes that he did when he first saw her Let's Go to the Mall video and when the girl from the coffee shop had called her Roland.
"A sheep shearer? A sheep shearer? Come on, Robin! That's got to be the plot of some smutty Canadian romance novel." She rolls her eyes. "Did he have his way with you on a bale of hay? Did you seduce him with your plaid shirt and daisy dukes? Ooh ooh, were you overcome with lust at the sight of his muscular chest and throbbing member? I could do this all night!"
As Robin rolls her eyes for what feels like the millionth time, she sees her future clearly. Just because he can now call her his wife doesn't mean that Barney is going to cease taking any opportunity he can to annoy her. And ever since Canada jokes had lost their usefulness, the opportunities don't come along quite as often meaning that he enjoys them even more when they do appear. By saying 'I do' she has signed herself up for a lifetime of bracing herself for the moment when Barney discovers another embarrassing secret from her past. And that means that she always needs to be armed with a suitable distraction for such situations.
Disposing of her now empty glass onto the closest table, she gives her husband that smile that has been reserved for him alone ever since they got back together. He's halfway through forming some ill-conceived pun while gleefully clapping his hands when she interrupts him.
"I am sure you would be more than willing to take up the challenge of making every joke possible about my sexual exploits but I thought you would be more interested in the challenge right in front of you."
He stops clapping and gives her a look of interest. "Challenge?"
"I know we said we were going to avoid wedding clichés but surely sex at our wedding reception is one that we would excel at. And doesn't my dress turn it into something of a challenge for you?"
She gestures down at her tightly fitted wedding dress and watches as her husband quirks an eyebrow.
"Scherbatsky, I have had sex with not one but two women wearing catsuits…"
"Always a good thing to bring up on your wedding day," she interrupts.
"So if you think that dress is going to stop me consummating our marriage in the nearest bathroom then you are wrong." He grabs her hand. "Challenge accepted."
Any intention she may have had for a subtle exit is blown by Barney determinedly dragging her towards the door. She's about to tell him to slow down when he spins back, hooks an arm around her waist, and forces her to walk faster. Then he leans closer to her and whispers in her ear exactly what he intends to do to her in that bathroom. His breath is hot against her ear, and that combined with his filthy promises sends a shiver down her spine. And suddenly she doesn't care all that much if Lily's wink lets her know that she knows exactly what she's about to do. Her wedding came worryingly close to being a complete disaster about twenty times and god damn it if she doesn't deserve to sneak off to have sex with her husband in the nearest bathroom stall. They do say you should start your marriage as you mean to go on.
