Ever since I can remember I've been in love with stories. When a particularly passionate storyteller told me a tale, or I read the right book, the work of fiction would just seem to come alive in my mind. I could see the heroes and their trials, hear the dialogue as though it were being properly voice acted, and sometimes I even imagined I could smell the environment being portrayed to me. That last part wasn't always for the better as what I believed then to be my imagination could summon some pretty horrifying odors to my poor abused senses.

Explaining this to my friends and family got me pats on the head, more stories and the assurance that I would one day develop into a great storyteller in my own right. That maybe, if I studied hard enough, I would become a best selling author, a box office breaking movie producer; or my personal favorite; a AAA Game Developer. It wasn't until I was starting college at 16 and my roommate introduced me to his collection of retro Manga that I learned the truth was far, far stranger.

Planeswalker chapter 1

The Jusenkyo guide looked up as, for the second time that morning, screams split the air over the pools of sorrow. Looking around for the source of the disturbance, he saw a figure falling from high in the air over the pools and land in one of them with a mighty splash. Sighing, he made his way over in that direction, checking for any unusual, lost looking animals in the area as he went.

This one at least, seemed to have had the courtesy not to ignore his introduction to the area. Precisely how the newcomer had managed such an angle of descent though was a mystery. It was more akin to one falling out of a plane, but no aircraft sounded overhead, nor were there any contrails high in the sky. The trajectory was all wrong for the new one to have been thrown by the panda man and his son/daughter or one of the Hero Women tribe, not unless he had missed them being thrown almost straight up before he started looking. That left the phoenix people and the Musk's dragon heir; but he didn't see any of the winged birdmen.

It must be the Musk then, he decided, as he approached the impact point.

It didn't take long to spot the one who had offended the Musk. Shaking and shivering on the banks of one of the pools was a thoroughly soaked and utterly exhausted fox. One of the Red Fox variety, with the most startling green eyes.

Chen debated leaving the poor visitor to his fate right then and there. Not just one, but three bad omens? This was how ghost stories started! He didn't want to wake up to his liver being eaten!

Shaking himself, the Guide picked up a bamboo hook, the likes of which were planted in every pool, and picked the sodden creature up under its forelegs. He knew better than to touch the waters, and didn't want to earn the ire of the local magic tribes, but this was the sort of thing Uncle Mao paid him for. So, holding the fox on the end of his stick, he gingerly walked back to his hut.

Once inside, he set the fox down on some towels and started the fire and a kettle. Moments before the tea started whistling, a giant panda walked in, bizarrely on its hind legs, and held out a small black piglet for him.

"Oh, customer! You back!" Chen said, in broken nipponese. "Is very nice pig you find!" Walking over to the teapot, he frowns, looking between the pig and the fox. "Could not be this pig fall in spring of drown piglet? Be too too strange, have three different visitors all in one day, yes? Surely pig good for eating?"

But such misfortune came in threes. Did the panda man and his daughter count as one misfortune? Or two? How did one count?

Shrugging to himself, he poured a short stream of water onto the fox.

~! #$%^&*()_+~! #$%^&*()_+~! #$%^&*()_+

My mind came back into focus with the firey pain of a blister forming on my back. Boiling hot water had been poured on my back and BY GOD IT HURT! Quickly rolling out of the way, I scream at the fat chinese man who was standing there with the teapot. "What the fuck was tha...t ...for."

Right, just moments ago, I had been a fox. That shouldn't have made sense, but it did. Which also didn't make sense. I run my fingers through my relatively short hair and clench them around my skull, breathing in and out slowly, but heavily.

Ok. I was at college. We were studying for midterms, and my Room-mate Ryan Moskowitz decided to drag me to a party to unwind. As we left, I stole one of his manga volumes. It was one of my more favorites as the images and dialogue always produced such clear visions in my head. The party was going… erh, and I had taken to reading in the corner rather than face the continued disdain of the sorority ho's. I'm too young to drink, too young to have a job, fit but not a hunk, good looking and acne free but not gorgeous and here on scholarship instead of personal or family money, so it didn't matter how smart I am; I'm wallpaper.

Then… oh, right. A group from the greek letter jackets started bothering me. They weren't cruel like in the movies and books, not yet at least, they just wanted me to drink with them. There's nothing that irritates a drunk more than a sober person; so while they weren't hazing (yet), they were irritating and insistent. Though I could probably have gotten away with it, drinking at 16 held a high chance to lose me my place at the college. All I wanted to do was get away…

Next thing I knew, I was falling.

Below me was a valley filled with pools, and on the ridge to the side of the valley a red haired girl chased a panda.

I didn't have much time to scream though, as I promptly landed in water. My impact with the water drove the air out of my lungs, and as I sank, I instinctively tried to breathe in. The moment the water entered my lungs, my skin crawled, bones shifted, perspective changed and hair grew… everywhere. That hair filled with water and began to drag me down. Panic blinded me and I scrambled wildly, somehow finding purchase on the muddy pond-bed. SOMEHOW, I managed to pull myself out of the water and onto the bank before the black void of unconsciousness closing in around my vision consumed me and I heaved. A surprisingly small amount of water gushed out of my mouth and I collapsed exhausted.

After that… it's all… fuzzy..., right up until this fatass poured scalding water on my back. I can vaguely remember… being carried by a machine? No, not a machine, a metal claw. No… that wasn't quite right either, it wasn't a claw, it was a hook, on the end of a wooden pole.

The fat chinese dude was gabbing at me. Something in Mandarin. I couldn't understand him, but I knew enough badly subbed foriegn films to tell the difference between mandarin, cantonese, japanese and korean.

"I don't suppose you speak any english?"

"I speak little." the man said, holding up two fingers. "You cowboy?"

I looked at him a little dumbfounded. "No, what gave you that idea?"

"Not is american then?" He asked. "American be Cowboy, surfer dude, banker or CIA spy. This no blond or tan, you no look professional; you american in china outback, so you cowboy, yes?"

Right, stereotypes. I'd heard around college that most foreigners think America consists of New York, Texas, California and DC. They tell me Hollywood's to blame, but personally I think it's the crime of public education. It's just as bad in other countries as it is in america; to nobody's surprise. Some say liberal arts colleges are getting almost as bad, but I haven't had the time to see it myself just yet. I've only just started.

The problem though… is how the flying fuck am I in china? More… how the flying fuck and I in Ranma? I've read bad fanfiction about this, but at least I'm not IN Ranma.

Or maybe that'd be better? Dunno. I'd at least be able to speak asian if I were. The series said they couldn't speak chinese, but you don't spend a year in the country without learning, even if you're a vagrant. Especially if you're a martial artist raiding temples all across east asia to find teachers and hidden scrolls. Ancient chinese texts are written in chinese after all. You'd have to be… well, ok, as stupid as Genma, to miss that point. But stress dream or reality, why would that stick around?

"Right, cowboy, sure." I tell the guide. "Is this… really Jusenkyo?"

The fat man nods, as he ambles over to the panda holding a pig. "Yes, yes. Is pools of sorrow. Many tragic tales. You customer?"

I wince, remembering my new fox form. "I guess I am." I say, as I watch him pour boiling water first over the pig, who turns into another, though far more muscular, naked 16 year old, and over the Panda, who turns into a bald asian man who's built like a bear. Short, wide, rippling with veiny well defined muscle, yet still carrying a few spare tires of fat on his neck, belly and waist. Thankfully, he is at least wearing clothes; if only a martial arts Gi.

"I have no money though." I add, worriedly.

The chinese man nods. "Is good. Uncle Mao pay, all tours free for equality!" He looks around furtively, "we sell water; you take home if sneaky be."

He hands me a business card with the tips of his fingers on both hands, bowing. I take it, not sure where to put the piece of stiff paper. Fortunately, or perhaps not, the former pig speaks up.

"Ah, Hi. My name is Hibiki Ryouga, what's yours?" He asks in english, though with a bostonian, or maybe brooklyn drawl. I'm not sure, only having ever heard the two on TV. It's thick though.

"Reynard," I tell him. "Ah, Hemming Reynard. Call me Rey, everyone does."

Ryouga seems to relax some, and grins. "It's good to meet you, Rey. I'm going to go fetch my backpack. Would you like a set of my clothes when I get back?"

Will he be back? Ryouga's rather, ah, famous,.. for his sense of direction. "Ah, I'd suggest using the bamboo poles with the hooks on them to fish it out." I tell him before he can wander off to mongolia. "If you get wet again, you'll be a pig once more. Or something worse, if you fall in a new pool."

Ryouga stiffens and shudders before nodding at me. "Thanks, Rey. I'll remember this kindness. Though, maybe I should take a dip in another pool. Being that small is unnerving." Then he walks out.

Watching him go, I wonder briefly if I've changed canon. Well, obviously, Ryouga didn't almost get eaten this time around, but is that enough to make it significant? He's still a little black piglet with no opposable thumbs and has "the girl and her panda" to blame as well as his obsession with his and Ranma's aborted fight to deal with. But will he remain a pig? Will he ever give that iconic line "Ranma, because of you, I've seen hell!"? And does it matter?

If he changes his form, he probably won't end up P-chan, which will be a few of Ranma's headaches down. But if he becomes some mythic or lovecraftian monster, that'll be new headaches in other ways. Could be fun If I was writing a story, rather than being in the center of things. Could still be cool if this is a stress dream. That blister on my back suggests otherwise, but who knows, maybe I'm tripping balls at the party and someone stubbed out their cigarette on my back.

While the trip lasts, however, it's probably best to go with the flow.

"Mr Guide." I ask, calling his attention. As I turn around though, I'm hit with a pair of pants. Blushing, I put them on. They're a little tight in the thighs, loose in the calf and butt. Probably sized for a woman rather than the guide in front of me, but they'll do.

"Name Chen, immodest customer. How this one help?" He asks, with that odd asian politeness.

"How do the pools of sorrow work?" I ask him. "I know something drowns in a fresh pool to start the curse, each a tragic tale. But what about the rest? Can the curses be cured?"

Chen, the Guide, tilts his head side to side. "Yes and no. Once cursed, always cursed. No other way. Can change curse with more water. Is tricky though. This one no suggest you do. Is very bad."

"Bad how?" I ask, remembering Taro and Happosai. They didn't seem to suffer much from it.

The guide nods though, looking happy. Ambling over to one of the shelves, he brings out a roll of bamboo slats and unfurls it across the table. "Each pool have tragic story. Have all recorded here. But curses not so simple. If replace curse want, need drown again. Not bathe, drown. Get water in breath and body. If only swim, two curses become one. If only splash, wet place grow second curse. See? " He explained, excitedly, pointing at various parts of the bamboo scroll.

I couldn't read a single damn character, but it was interesting to look at at least. The cryptography was burned into the bamboo as though with a branding iron rather than painted with ink. Probably in an effort to make a more durable record than what you could get with paper. I nodded along though, thinking of the various pools from the series.

"I see, thank you, guide Chen. Do you have a map of what each pool holds?"

He nods, grinning, but doesn't move to get it. "Customer want tour?"

I hold back a sigh and bow at 45*. "Customer much like tour." I tell him.

He smiles even more brightly. "After lunch!" he proclaims brightly, and returns to talking with Genma.

I sigh and sit down while the two men prepare the stone stove and boil noodles, vegetables and very small slivers of meat from what looks like a guinea pig. Ryouga doesn't return, but Ranma eventually does. The redhead, 'her' hair bound loosely with a small black silk tie walks into the hut, 'her' nose twitching like a rabbit. Or perhaps a bloodhound. I can only just smell the stew now, but apparently Ranma could smell it from wherever s/he was out in the pools.

I walk over to the pseudo girl and place a hand on her shoulder. Ranma looks at me, slightly confused, but thankfully doesn't throw me across the room. "I don't suppose you speak english?" I ask.

"Little. Okinawa Marines teach some. Teach Krav Maga better."

I nod. Short words and choppy sentences it is then. But at least I can speak to Ranma. That's a bonus. "Hot water will fix your curse. Cold water will bring it back." Those blue eyes lock onto mine and go wide, and I'd swear, start to sparkle. Ranma's smile is so happy, I feel my mind begin to lock down as a blush sweeps across my face. Then s/he hugs me and I feel as though I'm about to have a heart attack at the feminine affection as her breasts squished against the bare skin of my chest, one of them even having slipped out of the ratty Gi, s/he's wearing. I know it's… well, it's not fake, but Ranma's quite adamantly not a girl, so… eh, whatever. I stand back as s/he rushes to pick up the pot and upend the soup over 'her' head.

Genma stops 'her' though and they converse in rapidfire japanese. Shortly, Ranma places the pot back down and accepts a cup, which s/he dips into the pot and then pours over 'her' head. Five feet of supermodel curves, red hair and a devilishly cute face melt before my eyes into five and a half feet, black hair and handsome. Too little to attract me, but enough to make me vaguely jealous of the asian boy. As are those muscles.

Sue me for only having enough motivation to work out to stay skinny, and not enough to become a hunk. Envy's only human.

As we eat, the guide brings the bamboo scroll back out and begins explaining the situation to the two martial artists. Ranma gets really excited for a bit, before his father smacks him across the back of his head. The pair of them get into a fight, which somehow ends with them rolling like a wheel out the door, still fighting. It's quite impressive to watch, really. Like one of those dramatic shadow scenes in kung fu movies where the fighting masters flash from image to image in interlocking poses rather than doing choreography? Imagine that, but spinning around in a washing machine.

The guide and I follow the pair of them out into the pools, and the guide looks like he's about to cry as the pair of them start fighting across the tops of the bamboo agan. They seem incredibly careful to avoid falling in the water though… so maybe it's not all lost on them?

I shake my head and listen to the guide, as he leads me from pool to pool, explaining each of the stories.

Apparently, each of the pools is unique. Doesn't matter how many things have died in them, or what they were when they went in, if they're not the first thing to drown, then when they drown, it is as the thing they became. Over time this alters the pools only slightly. They become less a transformation trap for the original thing to fall in them, and more a transformation trap of archetypes. For instance, if I fell into the pool of the drowned girl, I would not gain the body Ranma uses. I would gain a female body based on ME.

Or, I would have, had I not already fallen into the pool of the Fox.

Now, the Guide isn't certain whether I would become a female fox, a fox furry, or a fox girl. He is at least certain I wouldn't become a fox centaur or fox satyr of some sort, and I'll only become a human girl if I literally drown myself. Temporarily. Best to leave that one alone.

We pass by more pools. Duck, Rabbit, Cat, Hamster, Yak, Ox, llama, shark, octopus, crane, hawk, eagle, sparrow, boar, piglet, cow, bear, fox, shark wrestling octopus, identical twins, fraternal twins, buddhist monk, young girl, young boy, elder man, elder woman, arrogant emperor, noble knight (Youxia), Thief, scholar, eunuch, Yeti riding Yak carrying Eel and Crane, Man riding horse, Girl holding cat, Man wrestling ox, man wrestling wolf, man eating bat, woman holding bird. Finally, finally, after 76 springs running the gamut from mundane to archetypal to mythological to just plain bizarre, we get to the one I'm interested in. Ranma and his father disappeared somewhere around one of the springs of the drowned men, for which I wish them luck, but finally the tour brought me to the spring of the "drowned angry god".

"Is a tragic tale, about a god and a dragon who fought above the springs six thousand years ago." The guide explained solemnly. "The dragon won and the god fell, but his victory turned to ash in his mouth. For a tribe of natives would take the weakened dragon and drown him as well," He pointed over to the next pool, this one far bigger. "The tribe dug out the pool while the dragon was chained to the ground and held him there as the water rose. The Musk they would call themselves."

Well… shit. Now I had a choice. Do I wanna be a cool ass fox-dragon? Or Fox-asura? I was originally planning on being a fox-asura, because I suspect that'll turn my fox form into that of a Kitsune, but dare I pass this up? And like the pool of Rouge's asura, why in the five hells aren't these pools being abused six ways from sunday? By the locals, by the chinese, hell, by the cast of Ranma?

Because Rumiko's world works on the Rule of Cruel slapstick comedy? If this is a dream, that'd make complete sense. If this is somehow absurdly real, then all sense is gone. I mean, even Mao's hate of magic and chinese history couldn't make him THAT blind to the power such a pool offers, could it? Or are they afraid of the dragon men taking over from the communist party? Mao believed in equality to the degree that he had 250 million people killed for being too different, after all.

Or do the Musk kill anyone who uses the dragon pool? Hmm… human descended from dragon, vs actual dragon? Who would win? Whichever was more experienced, most likely, which favored the Musk.

Sighing, I decide not to risk it and strip off my pants.

"What customer doing?" Chen asks, alarmed.

"Taking a bath." I tell the fat man, amused. "Why else would someone tour the pools?" Before the Guide can stop me, and he's moving the moment I start speaking to try, I dive into the pool of the angry god.

Swimming in the pool is like fire. First I melt back into my fox form. Then I melt again, becoming an asura with my own features. I almost breathe in the water, as I regain humanoid form with three faces, complete with unfamiliar mouths and noses. Somehow I manage not to scream, open my mouths or breathe in despite the pain I'm feeling though, and I change again. My flesh shifts and warps, bubbling as it flows like hot wax. Bones and organs rearrange, and unlike when I first became a fox there's plenty of pain.

Eventually, everything stops, and my form settles into a single configuration. Exhausted, mind body and soul, I almost contemplate simply settling there, and drowning. Shaking myself however, I surface, open my jaws and breathe in deep lungfuls of air. Then I just float there, treading water slowly as I drift back to shore, too weak to do much more. The guide however, pulls out another bamboo hook and drags me ashore. I'll have to thank him later; because for now, my mouth is decidedly canine.

No longer am I a small little red fox, slightly bigger than a cat. Now, I'm a very slightly anthropomorphized fox with three tails. Think Kurama from Naruto, except instead of the size of a mountain, I'm the size of my human self. Also, I have the white underbelly and tail tip of a fox, where Kurama is a solid red.

Eventually, I regain enough strength to move again, and an aspect of the curse which has been hotly debated by fans for some time shows itself. I'm completely comfortable in my new form, and able to move without awkwardness. Something which must have plagued Ranma something fierce. A man among men, fiercely proud of everything that makes him male and trained to be ashamed of anything that makes him girly, comfortable with his female body and instincts? The cognitive dissonance would be enough to instantly traumatize a few of my dorm mates.

For me though, for now at least, it's useful.

As we walk, the guide admonishes me. "Careless customer, you know not what you do! You know not what you do! Curses mixing is taboo! Many other problem is than shape. That spring of angry god, now you be angry fox god! Oooh, is bad omen! Should have let you drown, but now is Huli Jing! Quick, we must get you tea before you eat my liver! Come, quick quick!"

We continued to wend our way through the springs until we came upon Ranma, Genma and Ryouga. Or perhaps Ranko; Chen Stormstout and the pig cops from Duke Nukem would be more accurate. Rather than looking like a panda performing a circus trick and a pet pig, Genma and Ryouga are now Furry's. It makes me worry that maybe Ranko is a bit more hentai than even akane's ready for, but surely he couldn't be that ...adventurous? Or dumb, I suppose, but I like to think Ranma's smarter than that. Hard to adapt or adopt complex fighting styles and mind bending spiritual juju if you're an idiot.

Chen, The Guide certainly thought so, as he ran up to the three of them and started twisting his cap into knots while he shouted at them. Taking the distraction for the gift it was, I left the four of them to fight and circled around the pool until I found a shallow area. Taking in a deep breath, I closed my eyes, mouth and waded into the pool, careful to keep my tails and the top of my head out of the water. The same soul twisting melting happened again, rapidly exhausting me until I felt like I was suffocating and needed to take a breath or I'd die.

Standing up explosively, I took that glorious gasping breath of life. GOD that HURT! With what effort I could spare, I made certain that instead of falling forward and drowning, I fell backward and stumbled a bit, landing with a rib bruising thump on my back. Pain shot up my spine like a lance as I landed on my tails, and I rolled over onto my side, taking the fetal position with a pained groan. I lay like that as I blacked out, and the last thing I heard was several pairs of feet walking up to me.

~! #$%^&*()_+~! #$%^&*()_+~! #$%^&*()_+

Ranma was having a rather poor day. For the seventy third time to his memory, his father had done something… undeniably stupid. The man was a genius at the manipulation of chi and the art of combat, make no mistake,.. But everything he touched seemed to go… wrong, somehow. The most benign of these were when training exercises hurt more than they should, forcing Ranma to develop an ever stronger healing factor. The most common ended with Ranma's training being interrupted as they were forced to flee one temple or training house after another, forcing him to learn how to deconstruct a masters training from memory and first principles. The worst of them… Ranma shuddered as his mind flickered across the subject of cats before shying away.

Today was one of THOSE days. Days like the cat fist, where his once favorite animals became treasonous disease ridden demons that haunted his nightmares.

They had been studying with a Guru in Nepal, learning about the seven chakra' when Genma had found among the man's possessions a journal and a flier talking about the Cursed Springs of Jusenkyo, a legendary training ground where great power awaited those who would risk their souls, braving the pools of sorrow.

Ranma had initially been unimpressed, but Genma had somehow managed to drive the Guru to rage while clearing the man's solar plexus chakra, forcing them to leave, with Ranma only five chakras out of seven. The situation frustrated him, but Ranma took a smug satisfaction in the fact that he'd gotten five done without disappointing the teacher, while Genma had struggled to even get two.

And so, the pair had traveled north across Tibet for weeks, beating up and robbing Chinese army patrols for food and supplies, until they reached the Kunlun Mountains in Qinghai. There, Ranma managed to talk a few of the locals into leading them to the Guide's office, and from there, the cursed valley.

He had almost scoffed at the pole and pool training ground. This was a training program he'd conquered when he was seven. Granted, against his father, it was still something of a challenge, but then, any fight against his father was still just barely beyond his capabilities.

Naturally, that was when the truth of the valley had been revealed. The reason why it was a legend. Each pool had a curse, and his, oh so ironically, had been femininity. On one hand, Ranma was already proud of the attractive body he'd acquired. It was the type that had drawn his eye to the point of distraction for the last two years or so. Like magnetism. On the other, this was everything he'd spent the last 10 years being taught to avoid, ignore and deride. The only thing that stopped him from curling up in a corner and crying himself to sleep was the searing rage and hate this body was able to summon against the stupid panda and his personal satisfaction that at least it wasn't soft and useless as his father had always warned him women were.

He had worked hard for his abilities, damnit! No way he would give them up because of pop's mistakes!

The body hanging over his shoulder groaned, bringing Ranma back to the present trouble. This newcomer, Rey, had gotten information out of the Jusenkyo guide about how to fix their curses. The guide, being who he was, had insisted on doing his job before letting them get down to business, and taken them on a tour of the training ground. The tour they should have gone on in the first place. When they FINALLY got to the spring of the drowned boy, his father had proceeded to muck things up again.

Insisting on going first, "to make sure it's safe, boy. Don't need you becoming even more of a freak" Genma had dove into the pool almost immediately. Apparently though, he'd managed to forget the guides instructions that you needed to drown yourself in order to be cured. Rather than doing what was needed, he'd proceeded to start swimming. "Whats the big idea, you idiot! Drown already, so I can go!"

He was so engaged in berating the asshole that he failed to notice a figure charging him until the shadow of their jump appeared in the reflection before him. Ranma pivoted to the side and let his attacker plunge fist-first into the pool; then dodged the back-splash by jumping to the top of a nearby pole. What came out the other side was a pair of hideous man-beasts, and Ranma tried not to despair.

Why was he always surrounded by idiots?

Why did getting cured of this curse have to be a two person job?

Why did he bother trusting his father to get the job done, and not simply wait for the Guide to help him? Or perhaps the newcomer, Rey?

That last question was answered several minutes later, when in the middle of a shouting match with the Pigman and Pops new Pandaman form, Rey did exactly the same thing as those two morons. This being after Rey had gone to the trouble of getting the Guide to tell him and pop the rules of the valley.

Although… Rey seemed to have at least done this on purpose. Having gone so far as to plan his transformations out. He glanced over at the newly minted Kitsune on his shoulder and wondered how accurate the legends would be to the boy's reality. Having initially started with fox, Rey had taken two humanoid transformations on top of that, and as a result regained a humanoid form almost identical to his original human one. A weak, soft civilian example of manhood, but human nonetheless. The differences lay in the classic kitsune traits. Three bushy red and white fox tails; two fuzzy fox ears on the top of his head but no human ears on the sides; slitted green eyes that covered nearly all of the socket, and sharp teeth.

There were only two things different from the physical descriptions of the legends. For a start, Rey's dick was human rather than canine. Not something Ranma had paid particular attention to, but he had noticed when pulling a pair of pants onto the boys legs. Second, Rey held no female form. There were plenty enough male foxes in legend, but they were all supposed to be shapeshifters, who cared little for which gender they were beyond the role they wished to play. More typically female ones than male.

Ranma had considered throwing the boy into the spring of the drowned temple girl, just to complete the legend, but dropped the idea as needlessly cruel.

That, and the guide warned that if Rey underwent yet another transformation before recovering, he'd almost certainly die. Ranma was many things, not all of them as honorable as he'd like, but he wasn't a killer.

So, now he was following the portly chinaman to the home of an expert. According to Chen, this person could help restore him and could be trusted to handle the drowning and revival aspect of properly replacing his female curse with a male one. Ranma had grudgingly agreed. He apparently couldn't trust his father with that duty, and the Guide insisted he wouldn't be strong enough to both fish Ranma's unconscious dying body back out and do chest compressions through the chi-hardening his training had put him through.

So, he walked beside the pigman, pandaman and chinaman carrying a nogitsune on his shoulder as they journeyed to the village of strong hero women.

Amaterasu and Hachimon, what a day.

The local village they were headed to was a week away on foot for normal people, but as chi artists the four of them completed the trip in a little under four hours. The village first became apparent as farmland, with the occasional thatch roofed house, but eventually they got to what looked to be a fairly large temple complex and the Guide spoke up again.

"Oh, what luck, customers! Today hero women hold festival for showcase their strength!"

To anyone else, it would have been quite the impressive sight. In front of the temple, a gigantic log (rare for the area) was tied between two small peaks. Women of all shapes and levels of attractiveness thronged around it carrying a dizzying array of weapons. One of the few things that connected the throng was that they all seemed to be armed, wearing silk and preteen to wizened crone appeared remarkably fit.

Ryouga, Ranma and Genma however, only had eyes for the buffet tables.

Dropping their burdens roughly, the trio quickly dove in and began eating ravenously.

~! #$%^&*()_+~! #$%^&*()_+~! #$%^&*()_+

I awoke once more about an hour prior to reaching the village of the chinese amazons. Four hours of 'rest' was enough for that, but not much more. Perhaps I could have walked, but I certainly couldn't keep up the same pace as the asian quartet, and I think Ranma recognized that, as after briefly meeting my eyes, he continued to carry me over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.

I was thankful to him for that. For not leaving me behind. For being willing to carry me in addition to a gigantic overstuffed backpack.

I was less thankful for the giant bruise forming on my stomach, and for the way he discarded me with the luggage when they stopped to eat.

Carefully levering myself to my feet, I brushed off and took stock of our surroundings. Random pillars of stacked stone, rivers, a chinese temple, and at least a thousand women holding weapons. It has a very Wuxia vibe to it. This… is where Ranma meets Shan Pu. It's quite the auspicious event and location. I just wish the transition between pages didn't hurt so much.

Sighing, I looked around for the closest teapot and went over to the crone stirring it. Bowing, I asked if she spoke English, and at her blank look, mimed a request for a drink. She caught on pretty quickly, and I received the steaming wooden cup with a smile of thanks and another bow.

Walking over to Ranma and the group, I almost lost hold of the cup as someone blasted past me. The blur resolved into a raven haired girl who's black tresses shone indigo in the sun. She was wearing floofy pink pants embroidered with rather dull yellow stars and a purple vest thing half covered with red hard-formed leather armor as a bra on the outside. In her hands were a pair of gigantic mellon maces, called Chui. I couldn't really see her face from this angle, but I expect she's hot, if the manga and now real Ranko are any indication.

Passing the girl, I interrupt Ranma's acceptance of Shan Pu's challenge to offer him the tea. He looks at me baffled for half a second before his face splits into a brilliant sunny smile that makes my chest ache and pants tighten… Then he ruins it by doing exactly what I intended, and dumping the hot water over his head.

I watch with a troubled smile as he rushes off to bounce atop the log. Shan Pu regards me speculatively for a moment before snorting and waltzing off after Ranma, hips swaying serpentine as she leaves without hurry. Shaking my head, I return to the crone and bow deeply to her before pantomiming again, requesting two more cups and a refill.

She looks me up and down shrewdly before doing as I ask. As I take the cups and walk back to Ryouga, Genma and the guide, the hag calls out into the crowd. Whether for something innocuous and village related, or asking someone to deal with me, I'm unsure, but I stiffen at the noise.

As I'm nearing the tables again though, the crowd gasps as though appalled before cheering. I turn around to see Shampoo falling out of a ballistic arc in my direction. Ranma defeated her in just as spectacular and rapid a fashion as he had in the comic, but this time, rather than send her over the village, he kicks her toward his father. I watch her arc over my head and she meets my eyes briefly as she folds into a spin, bringing down both of her hammers on Genma and Ryouga's heads.

Finishing my walk over to where the three of them lay, Shan Pu sitting knees splayed atop each males chest, I use one of the cups of tea to splash their faces, causing the monsters to melt into man and boy, before handing the second cup to her. I'd intended to drink the last one myself, but angry god or not, I don't particularly know how to use my powers and I'd rather not die. Yet.

The warrior girl drinks half of the tea, sighing through her nose, before throwing the rest in my face. My ears shift, teeth realign and tails slurp back into my spine. Yeah, that too. She nods, and calls out before leaping away, using Genma and Ryouga's rib cages as springboards, making them groan in pain.

As she and Ranma meet in the middle of the field, kissing passionately, another crone appears beside me and within my peripheral vision with a burst of wind. "Hello, outsider. My name is Elder Lao Xian."

I nod absently, keeping watch on Ranma. After squawking a bit in surprise, the crazy kid put his hands around Shan Pu and drew her into the kiss. She doesn't seem to be resisting either.

"It's nice to find someone I can speak to out here, honored elder." I reply, politely.

She hums. "Indeed. So many interesting males. I wonder, is the guide taking group tours now? Or have we come to live in interesting times?"

I chuckle. "How is it you speak so well, if I may ask?"

"My Husband came to the tribe from Ireland after the Opium war. Best drunken monkey boxer I've met in two hundred years. Shamefully, he only gave me sons. Three of them left for California when they declared a gold rush, the last gave me my grand-daughter." She looks me up and down speculatively. "Are you as impressive as your friend? I have a great granddaughter around here somewhere..." she offers leadingly.

I shake my head. "My cursed form, perhaps. But I've no training to fight, and before I met Ranma, no enthusiasm to learn." If this is my dream, then naturally learning would be fun. If it's reality, well, Ranma's awesome abilities are almost as worthy of pursuit as my dream of becoming a real world Iron Man. Silly, maybe, but why else push for a GED 3 years early if not to follow a dream?

Ignoring of course, that comic, cartoon or movie, Tony was doing professional post graduate work before he even hit puberty.

The woman seemed to consider that for a moment. "What is your cursed form, exactly?" She asked. "I did not recognize it."

I'll admit, I hesitated. Fox girls, Huli Jing in china, don't have the best reputation. While in Japan they're the Sacred Servants of Inari or playful tricksters, in china they're classic catholic succubus. Demonic temptresses who drain the vitality of men, enslave their minds and bring about 'interesting times'. At least this isn't Korea; in Korea they're called Gumiho and are Freddy Kruger with a pretty face.

"I started off with a fox curse, but I didn't like being so small, so I corrected it with a pair of human type pools." I say after a moment. True, though misleading. "I didn't properly drown myself though, so I'm me, but with fox accents."

She looks me over eyes narrowing speculatively, before snapping her fingers. At the gesture chinese girl with blond hair, freckles and a slight frame rushes up to her. The old woman babbles in cantonese for a moment before turning back to me. "This is Chun Ki, she will escort you to the rest of your company. Do not wander, outsiders are welcome for the festival of strength, but that ends soon."

As does their tolerance for outsiders, is the implied threat. Lovely.

Ms Ki bows slightly to me, just enough to be counted, and I return the same. She glares at me, pursing her lips, but does nothing else. The elder vanishes in a rush of wind and Chun Ki beckons for me to follow her. I do so, and after 10 minutes we arrive at one of the larger houses. It has two stories where most have one and looks to be of better construction than the others. A stream of people are going in and out of the main doors in a stream, carrying food, bolts of cloth and trinkets of various sorts.

The procession led up to a low coffee table behind which Ranma and Shan Pu sat. Ranma looked somewhat bewildered, while Shan Pu positively glowed with happiness as she accepted the gifts and what were likely compliments and well wishes from her peers. I'm guessing here, but assuming the anime holds sway over this maybe-dream departure from cannon, she just won the festival and a powerful husband with her honor intact. This is a very good day for her.

For Ranma, though? I suppose that's up for debate.

Cannon says he knows nothing of the local language; I have my doubts, but let's just assume. On one hand, this place is pretty much his dream library of techniques, and as they've a tradition of marrying powerful outsiders, they'll likely be as accepting and homey as the tendo's. Add to that, he won't be hunted for a stated 6 months through the chinese outback now, won't have to deal with the Kuno's and will have a wife who appreciates his female form.

On the other hand, we have what Moose said about the laws regarding males. Men in the "strong hero women tribe" are house husbands. While they're not punished for learning, they're not taught or encouraged to fight, even though strong husbands are a symbol of status in the village. They're not allowed positions of leadership or institutional power, period, though it was never stated what the punishment might be. Finally, there's village conditions. This place… looks run down… and though it's heavily debated as to exactly why in fandom, Mu Tsu felt he was treated badly enough by the village to run away in his early teens and join a traveling circus. It was the circus who taught him to fight and fold space with his chi.

This leads to a contradiction and a conundrum. The negatives point to a place Ranma would chaffe, quickly learn to hate and seek to escape. Even more so than the craziness at the Tendo's. But if so, then why did Ku Lon spend so much time and effort teaching him? Three "secret" techniques of the tribe, supposedly guarded abilities, and a law against teaching men. Why? My best guess for an easy answer is because Ranma was an outsider and the village needed to save face.

Face, or reputation encompassing self, family, home and organization, is deadly serious business in IRL china, if the immigrant students are to be believed. No reason to believe it wouldn't be the same in a manga that so involves them.

This Ranma isn't likely to reject Shan Pu. He doesn't have Akane. He didn't get hunted like a rabbit. This will be his first home. The village is filled with more techniques to perfect his art than even Nerima. Shan Pu isn't likely to get her cat curse as punishment for losing face.

The question… is how he'll react to local custom and how much his dad is going to work to screw this up.

Oh, and I suppose how things turn out with Ryouga as well.

Enough about them though; now there's my situation. If this is my dream, which is rapidly looking to be less and less likely, then my situation will be as perfect, nightmarish or weird as my subconscious thinks I deserve. I've got quite a bit of stress to work through with midterms coming up after all. If this is, bizarrely, real then I'm in a bit of a pickle. My fur-boy form is going to remind them of the Musk, and if they're aware of valley china's huli-jing legends will be problematic besides… but there's a chance one of the elders will understand the potential power of my using the Asura spring and be willing to risk it for a powerful daughter.

On one hand, I'd be lost and alone in the middle of super-rural china. I'm not even sure how I got here, so I'm even less sure how I'll get back out. I'm brilliant, but I've got no real survival skills beyond what I can throw together by reason and observation. Maybe they'll deliver me to the Musk but that seems… unlikely. Maybe the Musk will rescue me, but that's trading one group of lunatics for another. My biggest advantage is a completely unfamiliar and uncontrolled asura-fox magic which seems like it would be as likely to kill me as make me a local god.

On the other I could end up a caged bird. Maybe I could withstand it for girls as hot as live here, but with no internet and the only non-drudge activities around here forbidden to men… probably wouldn't matter if the cage is otherwise golden. I'd go mad.

Say nothing of course, of being stuck in china. Ranma ½ takes place in the early 90's, when China's economic free zones are really taking off and scaring the shit out of the commie leadership. Random white dude wandering around the countryside so soon after they got done killing 250 million of their own people is liable to end my life as a "spy". Though, who knows, maybe Rumiko Takahashi is literally god here and I'll end up getting stuck in a tug of war between China and America, because it's 'funny'.

Enough speculation though, I'm through the line and Chun Ki is bowing to the 'happy couple'. I bow as well and speak. "Congratulations on being engaged to your new fiance, Ranma-san." I tell the boy before Chun Ki tries to lead me off.

Ranma however blanches, eyes going wide as the blood drains from his face. Ranma moves fast enough I can't even see the blur, only the afterimage, and grabs my sleeve, pulling me away from Chun Ki. She looks at him, somewhat annoyed, but lets it go, as she's finished her task and sees no more need to interact with me.

Ranma though, is another matter. "What mean fiance?" He asks, almost frantic.

I grin at him. "You didn't know? In this village, if an outsider defeats you, your fate is tied to them." I tell the other boy.

Ranma's mouth falls open and he doesn't resist as Shan Pu pulls him back down to sit beside her while glaring at me. Ranma hasn't let go of me either though, so I'm pulled along with him and do my best to make myself comfortable sitting on the short side of the table. Shan Pu scowls at me, but hands over a cup of tea. I cup my hands around it's warmth as Ranma speaks again.

"Tell I what know." He orders me, schooling his features. "How bound?"

I take a deep sniff of the tea and then sip. It tastes… interesting. No sugar here, so it's bitter, but somehow soothing? Hopefully I haven't just been poisoned, early manga Shan Pu was fond of that, but as she doesn't likely even know what I'm saying and I helped her out recently, so I should be fine.

"If a man defeats a woman of the village, she marries him, to bring strength to the village." I explain to Ranma, making him preen a bit. "However, if a foriegn woman defeats a local woman, then she must kill the outsider, no matter how long it takes, in order to restore her honor and train to a similar level."

At that, Ranma freezes again. "You… save I life then?"

I shrug and grin, taking another drink. "You're stronger than her, and you learn faster than she does." I reply, rolling my eyes as Ranma preens again. "I saved you heartache, but if you want to offer me a life debt I'd accept."

Ranma laughs a bit, rubbing the back of his head under his pigtail. "Not life debt. Big favor though."

"Big enough to teach me Musabetsu Kakutō Ryū?" I ask hopefully.

Ranma looked troubled but slowly nodded. "You start in morning," he replied; looking me up and down. "Not look good, but will see."

I get up and catch Shan Pu giving me the stink eye. Holding my hands up in surrender, I back away and quickly find Chen the Guide, Ryouga and Genma. Genma's in his pandaren form again, splayed out on the floor with his tongue out and breathing labored, but Ryouga's leaning back against his luggage with a cup of tea, a half eaten apple and some jerky, smirking. He's talking with guide Chen in what sounds like broken chinese by the pauses and Chen's wincing.

I sit down with them and accept a strip of jerky. It's hard and tastes heavily of smoke, so Ryouga probably made it himself, but it's also the first thing I've eaten all day and it tastes wonderful.

~! #$%^&*()_+~! #$%^&*()_+~! #$%^&*()_+

Hibiki Ryouga watched the one known as Rey with interest. He'd fought Ranma for almost a year in junior high and never seen the other boy flustered, but a bare few words from this kid and Saotome was pretty much hyperventilating. It was hilarious.

"What'd you tell him?" He asked, as soon as the boy got finished with the jerky he'd offered.

"I told him he was getting married." Rey replied, dry amusement in his voice.

The words took a moment to translate and hit his brain, but when they did, Ryouga spat hot tea all over Genma, turning the man from a disney panda back to human. "You what?!"

Rey snorted. "It was barely my fault, it's the local custom. Outsider man defeats local woman, she marries him to bring strength to the tribe." The boy eyed him over the cup and the expression reminded Ryouga that the boy had somehow CHOSEN to become a kitsune. "You could try it, big guy. If Ranma can do it, it should be a cinch. The girls here are excellent trackers."

Ryouga's face heated up and he tried to curl into himself before his spine straightened abruptly and started tingling. Excellent trackers? A girl was one thing, but a girl who could find him whenever he got lost? That was… he narrowed his eyes. The boy knew! How did he know? Ranma, you utter bastard! That was private information that was!

"Of course, that means you have to be willing to hit a girl," the fox continued, all casual like. "And one you like to boot. Think you can manage?"

"You don't hit girls." Ryouga mumbled into his tea. "It ain't nice."

"Yeah, they tell you that, back home" the boy acknowledged, nodding. "But this place is different; more honest I think. They think you've got no honor if you don't defend yourself. Stick around too long, and girls who like you will start fights. If you lose for real, they'll call you trash and eventually kick you out of the village. If you lose on purpose, they'll hate you for rejecting them."

Ryouga pulled out some more jerky and leaned back to chew and contemplate that. Assuming friend Reynard could be trusted, of course. He'd given no indication of being untrustworthy, offering hot water, warning him about how the springs worked and now offering a solution to his navigational issues. But this… it was a hard sell. Girls who WANTED to be hit? It just went against everything he'd learned about the gender for as long as he understood girls weren't boys.

He contemplated Rey's words for several minutes before something occurred to him. "Wait, you said you were barely responsible for Ranma's marriage. Barely still means you were involved! How?"

Hemming-san smirked behind his tea-cup, before straightening his expression. Had Ryouga not been watching he wouldn't even have noticed, but seeing it, he was forcefully reminded how the boy's first transformation had been a fox.

"Oh, well, it's a simple thing, really." Reynard chuckled lightly. "You see, the other local law is that if an outsider girl defeats a local girl, then the local girl has to kill the outsider and cannot return to the village until the task is completed. Ranma was going to fight Shan Pu either way, running afoul of their laws; I just offered Ranma tea before battle."

Ryouga stared at the boy, caught between the horror that the boy was OK with the murderous lunatic locals and laughing himself silly that the damn fox had so punished Ranma with nothing more than a cup of tea.

'We laugh at the world, because otherwise we could never stop crying' the memory of several american comedians whispered in his head and Ryouga huffed before following suite. He laughed aloud, his mirth growing in force as he considered that Ranma had agreed to fight in the first place because Ryouga and Genma had decided to eat the girl's grand prize. Ranma couldn't have done anything else, and wouldn't have even considered it. But because of that, the proud boy, cursed to be a girl, was getting married to a girl in a village where girls wore the pants.

"Ranma, you have seen hell. Try not to die."