Hey there everyone. I know I haven't written in awhile, but I was inspired by so many amazing writers about Damon's journey. So I've decided to write a little bit of what I think Damon's life was like before he found peace with Stefan. So here's my first chapter. I hope you all enjoy it! Reviews are welcome. :)

As always I do not own the rights to the Vampire Diaries.


Damon POV

He was numb.

Elena. The love of his life was here. She was finally here in his life but the grief of loosing his brother...it was too much. Stefan had been his soul confidant, the one person he'd always needed and he was gone. He didn't know how to be himself without him.

He'd taken off his ring for him. Left it with his body and with the memories of his life. The life he knew he deserved instead of him. Walking back to reality he felt her by his side. She was his glimmer of warmth; the light in the darkness. She'd watched him for hours as he sat looking at the sunset with bourbon in his hand. He'd closed himself off until the sun was gone. Until he could no longer breath and he called for her, tears streaming down his face as his walls had finally broken and shattered around him.

"Elena!"

"I'm here." She said simply reaching out to him as he put down his glass and clung to her. He didn't let her go. Couldn't fathom ever wanting to again.

"It should have been me. I was ready, and he..." he tapered off remembering the exchange of words. The last ones he'd ever spoken. He'd wished he would've known. There was so much more he wanted to say. Things he never would get to say again.

"I know that's what you think Damon but he knew better. I saw him, and he was ready. He died for you."

"You what?" He said lifting his head from Elena's chest looking up into the depths of her brown eyes. The ones that used to always reassure him he was home, and he hung on her every word.

"Before I woke up, before Bonnie brought me back he came to say goodbye. He said he had seen something in you he hadn't seen in a long time, the brother he'd loved and looked up to, the son who enlisted for his father in the war, and he wanted me to know you."

Damon looked up at her and she had to pause and wipe away a single tear that had fallen from his cheek. " He told me you were the better man." She said as he voice broke, "and you are Damon. I know you miss him and you always will but he did this for you. For us, shouldn't that count for something?"

She said holding his face in her hands. He knew she was right but in that moment he would have given anything to have his brother back. "I know you're right Elena, but I can't...I can't be what other people want me to be, what he wants me to be. I'm a monster. I'm the selfish one remember?! There so much that you don't know Elena," he said stepping back and turning from her. "Things that I've done that would make you wish it had been me."

He said holding on to the railing of the patio. His eyes looking up to the stars forming in the sky, wishing he could see his brother reflected in their lights. "You're wrong Damon. Because no matter what you've done we can survive it. We always survive. You can fight this, and you have a chance now." She said walking up beside him. He glanced at her looking up with him and said," a chance for what?" "A chance to be the brother he always dreamed you'd be. A chance for redemption. A chance for peace. I believe you will see him again Damon. You just have to believe it's possible."

Once her words sunk in his resolve broke. His pride be damned, and he cried. Sobs racking him as he leaned into hold onto Elena pulling her into his arms. His one true love, his reason for being.

"I'm so sorry Lena." He said muffled in the cook of her neck.

"Shh shh it's ok, it's going to be ok."

The rocked him in her embrace holding him knowing she had become his lifeline. As his tears subsided she slowly lead him to the bench on the patio, sitting down with her, he placed her in the middle of his legs. Encompassing her body with his. Making sure he felt her. Always.

When the stars began to shine more brightly and her breathing became softer he knew they needed to go to bed. Looking down he realized she'd fallen asleep inside his arms. He smirked, knowing he'd never get over this. How peaceful she looked but now he knew he could wake her. The thought jolted him back out of his sorrow. To the simple fact she was here and he'd needed her so much. Until now his grief had shielded him from it but the truth was she was everything he needed and it terrified him. Sitting up he woke her with a kiss, his sleeping beauty.

"Oh Damon I'm sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"Shh, it's ok you're with me now." He said as he stood and then bent down grabbing her in his arms and carrying her like the bride he knew she would be one day.

"Damon? What are you doing?"

"What I should have done hours ago." He said simply as he carried her inside. Her body molded to his and her eyes shimmered up at him with hope and longing. That's when he felt it. The all-consuming need to have her. To be with her buried inside her, showing her how much he needed her, how much he loved her.

He was shaking by the time they reached his bed but not because he was weak. It was from sheer need. The need he always had with her. Her hand reassured him stroking him on his arms, and up his neck until she led him to her mouth. Her lips clung to his now. This wasn't like the kiss they'd shared before. That had been one of joy and disbelief. This was need. The urgency they both had to be together after years of separation and he let himself feel it all. She slid down his body gently standing before him. Her lips slowly leaving his so she could step back to see him.

"I love you, Damon Salvatore." She said, her hands coming to grasp his face. He leaned in instantly, pressing her forehead to his. "I love you, Elena Gilbert. I'm so glad I have you. I'd be lost without you."

"You never will be again." She promised as her lips met his once more.

Soon the kiss melted into the heated rhythm they had grown to know over their years together. Heat, lust, and longing mixed with adoration fueled them on. He pulled her dress and cardigan off immediately along with his pullover shirt and dark pants. Their breathing hitched as he lifted her upon his hips and she locked her legs around him. He felt them crashing down onto the bed with ease as her center hit his length deliciously.

"Oh my God." She said feeling as he felt the over whelming need to be inside her now.

"The names Damon." He said cockily as he smirked which she quickly wiped off with a kiss.

A moment later she was underneath him and her panties were gone. Kissing his neck she made quick work with his boxer briefs as well. Soon they were both naked and then he assumed reality sank in as she froze beneath him.

"Damon." She breathed placing her hand on his cheek to stop him from continuing his path down her chest.

"How long...?"

"How long?" He answered with a smirk as he led her hand to grasp him.

She giggled, "No not that." She said pushing him back to look at her fully.

"How long was I..?"

"In your sleeping beauty curse?"

She nodded.

"Five years."

She took a moment to let that sink in. He knew she'd told him to move on. To enjoy himself but now in his arms he was afraid she might realize that they had never discussed what happened. Now the thought of him with someone else-anyone else stopped them cold.

"Did you, I mean in that time did you have..." she couldn't bring herself to say it, and Damon's gut was wrecked with guilt, but he knew he needed her. He could ask for her forgiveness later.

"Elena." He said his hand tracing her sides, causing shivers to follow them. "There's no one else. No one that even deserves mentioning. You are my life. Let me show you, please, I need you." He added, knowing it was true. The mistakes he'd made were in some of the darkest years of his life, and he'd been alive a lot longer than most. But right now he wanted to forget. Needed to, and wanted her too badly to relive those past regrets.

And to his relief she let it go as his lips crashed over hers once more, allowing him to guide her back towards the passion they had once felt, and would soon feel again.

His hands traced her body and delved into her nether folds. Causing her body to take over once more and he hoped to stop her mind from reeling. His own was soon overtaken with the feeling of her all around him. Her smooth skin, the sweet taste of her on his lips, the groans she let out when he touched her it was almost too much for him to bear.

Her hips were rocking with pleasure and soon he was inside her; their hearts beating together as he took her deep and strong. For once in what felt like forever they could be whole. Together. They reached their peek quickly as he looked into her eyes and knew she was his forever.

"Damon!"

"Elena."

They said simultaneously as they came holding on for dear life to each other and as they collapsed, Elena all but fell into his arms. He listened as his newly human heart beat against her own and he realized how lucky he was to have her, and how much he needed her even now.

Brushing the hair off her face he looked into her eyes as she smiled back at him, knowing that this was only the beginning.

"What?" she asked tentatively, knowing he was deep in thought, "Nothing, I was just thinking that I probably don't deserve to be this happy right now."

"Damon," she said grabbing his hand and putting it to her heart. "This is what he wanted for you. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but he wants this. For your life to be what it was supposed to be. For us to have our lives together until it's our time to join him."

"Do you really believe that? That we'll find peace?"

"I do." Elena stated boldly, and he wished more than anything else in that moment that he could believe her. That he could have redemption and see his brother again.
"I just don't believe I can."

"Ok, then I will believe for the both of us until you do." She stated matter of factly as she rolled over, her backside to his front so that he could spoon her, and feel her along every inch of him. Sighing he relaxed against her, breathing in her scent and reveling in the blessing he'd found in Elena.

Along with another blessing that Stefan had left behind. Which was, the chance to be a husband, a father, and a man worthy of peace. It was then he made a silent vow to himself as he watched her fall asleep once more.

That he would be the brother Stefan had always wanted him to be, and against all odds he would hope, always hope that one day this path would lead him back to his brother and to their own everlasting peace.