A/N: This started out as a one-shot inspired by me imagining Brian and Olivia celebrating Memorial Day together with Noah. Since Memorial Day has passed I changed it to the Fourth of July, but I couldn't wait until then to post it. So Happy Early 4th :) And somehow it ended up being over 11000 words, so I had to break it into 4 chapters. Since I made Sindy, Erica, and Fiona wait so long I'm putting the first 2 chapters up together. Be sure to review and let me know what you think. I hope it gives you feels...I got plenty of feels writing it. One final FYI: Flashbacks are in italics. Enjoy :)

Olivia stretched out her tanned legs, burying her toes deep in the cool, wet sand, as she reclined in the one empty spot on the beach blanket. Clasping her hands behind her head, she closed her eyes and soaked up the warmth emanating from the mid-afternoon July sun. Lying perfectly still, trying to shut off her always busy mind, she took in all the sounds of the beach—the waves crashing against the shore, the angry squawks of a flock of seagulls circling nearby, and the voices of the dozens of other New Yorkers looking for a break from the hustle and bustle of city life. There were fathers playing Frisbee with their kids, mothers yelling at squirming children to stand still while they put sunscreen on them, teenagers listening to music and sharing the latest celebrity gossip, and children laughing as the cool water lapped against their hot skin. Through all that ambient noise Olivia was still able to pick out the one sound she was listening for—Noah's infectious giggle. A giggle that still brought a smile to Olivia's face every time she heard it.

And then a deep, raspy voice that provided Olivia with a completely different kind of happiness cut through the cacophony of sounds. "You like that buddy?"

Five feet away from where Olivia lay relaxing in the sand, Brian and Noah were currently "making" a sand castle. She used the term loosely because the activity actually consisted of Brian filling the castle mold with sand and dumping it over, where it would sit for a couple seconds before Noah kicked it over with his tiny feet, squealing with delight each time. Brian, for his part, was being a very good sport about it and continued performing the monotonous task, just as entertained by Noah's antics as the small boy was with the game, only stopping occasionally to remind Noah not to put the sand in his mouth.

Olivia wasn't even exactly sure what she was doing there. Today was her only day off this week and she had so much work to do in the apartment. There was an ever-growing pile of dishes, a mountain of dirty laundry, and Noah's toys and other paraphernalia were strewn from one end of their small home to the other. But somehow when Brian had suggested a day trip to Long Beach Island to celebrate the holiday, spouting some nonsense about sand castles and fireworks, she had found herself agreeing. It was after all Noah's first Fourth of July and she wanted to make it special for him. And although she hated to admit it the nine month-old was currently in a phase where when he got really cranky, he preferred Brian over his own mother.

So after Noah had taken his morning nap and the hottest part of the day was behind them, they ate lunch, packed up Brian's car with enough stuff for a weeklong trip, and made the drive down to the beach. They had splashed around at the edge of the water for over an hour, relishing in Noah's excited reaction every time the tide came in and tickled his toes. When he finally tired of the water they had headed back to the beach blanket where Brian and Noah had set to work on their sand castle. Olivia, knowing that Noah was in good hands, had taken advantage of the down time to rest her eyes for a few moments.

To any innocent bystander they were the ideal family—the doting parents with the energetic baby boy, picture perfect enough to appear in any cell phone or car commercial on television. The problem was they weren't a family. Not all three of them anyway. It was just Olivia and Noah. And Brian was…. Olivia wasn't sure what she would call him. Her friend, perhaps? But he was so much more than a friend. Over the past fifteen years Brian had played so many roles in her life it was hard to count them all. From co-worker to one-night stand to hot sex with no expectations to boyfriend to live-in boyfriend to essentially the equivalent of a roommate to ex-boyfriend. And now finally this undefined role that he currently occupied in her life.

When Brian had moved out after their breakup they had left it up in the air whether they would ever see each other again. Neither one wanted to cut the other out entirely since their breakup was atypical and they still loved each other. But that made any type of contact even harder. There would always be those unresolved feelings hovering just below the surface; those inklings to throw caution to the wind and let desire take over. So because of that, one hurried phone call after her second assault by Lewis had been their only communication until one fateful day in the grocery store a week after Olivia agreed to foster Noah.

"What do you think Noah? Bananas or peaches?" Olivia murmured to her son, holding two jars of baby food out in front of him, waiting to see which one he would grab at.

Noah gave her a grin, showing off his two small teeth, before swatting his hand at the jar of bananas.

"Good choice buddy," Olivia said with a laugh.

As she reached past Noah to put the jar in the cart she heard a familiar man's voice behind her. "Olivia?"

Olivia would know that voice anywhere. It was the voice that whispered words of affection to her as they lay wrapped in each other's arms after a night of mind blowing sex and the voice that calmed her fears almost every night for a year after Lewis kidnapped her. Feeling her heart start to speed up in her chest, at the thought of being so close to him again, she slowly turned and came face to face with her former lover.

"Brian. Hey." Olivia smiled at him. Not the smile she used to give him when they first got together—the one that lit up her entire face. But it wasn't the tired fearful post-Lewis forced smile either. It was more a bittersweet, "unsure how to proceed" smile.

Brian, striving to put an end to the awkwardness, addressed the obvious issue. "Good to see you Liv. Who's this little guy?"

He tickled the bottom of Noah's foot while he waited for Olivia to respond, earning him a happy squeal followed by a string of incoherent baby noises from Noah.

Olivia paused for a moment, watching the interaction between her two favorite people in the world, unsure how to reply. Noah, through no fault of his own, was part of the reason she and Brian were no longer together. When she finally found her words, she looked anywhere but directly into Brian's hazel eyes.

"This is Noah. You may remember him as Baby Boy Doe." Olivia hedged a glance at Brian and took notice of the quizzical look he was giving her, urging her to continue.

Olivia sighed and nervously tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear, before adding, "I'm Noah's foster mom. For the next year. At which time I'll have the option to permanently adopt him if I want." A small genuine smile crept across Olivia's lips, just like it did any time she talked about her son.

"Wow, Liv. That's..." He hesitated, rubbing his chin and taking a moment to think through his thoughts. When he spoke again, he was smiling as well. "That's great. I know this is something you've always wanted. And I'm really happy for you."

Then he did something that caught Olivia completely off guard. He leaned in and hugged her. Not a long drawn out hug that could be misconstrued as something more. Just a run of the mill hug shared between friends.

When Brian stepped back he turned his attention back to baby Noah who had been sitting peacefully in his car seat throughout the entire interaction. "You're a pretty lucky little guy, you know that?" He spoke in an octave above his normal register. "Your mommy is the most amazing woman I've ever met and I know she's going to take really good care of you."

Noah watched Brian intently with his big brown eyes, totally in awe of the scruffy faced man that was talking to him. He reached out his tiny hand in an attempt to grab onto Brian and shrieked with delight when Brian gave him his finger to hold onto.

"You've got a good grip champ," Brian said with a chuckle. "And you're pretty cute too. Definitely gonna be a lady's man. I can tell already."

Meanwhile Olivia just stood by and observed the sight unfolding before her. Try as she might she could not reconcile the man who broke-up with her over their differing views on children with the man standing in front of her now, fawning over her child. Had they made a mistake, ending their two year relationship so quickly, without even having a proper discussion about their visions for the future?

No, Olivia thought, shaking her head slightly. She could not allow herself to travel down the road of "what might have been". She had Noah to worry about now. He was her top priority—no, her one and only priority—now. She could not bring a man into his life right now, not when it was just beginning to stabilize. A man that although temporarily enamored with the baby might tire of him in a few weeks and be just another in a long line of people that had already walked out of Noah's short life.

Olivia cleared her throat before interrupting the exchange between her ex and her child. "Well I think Noah and I had better be going. It's almost time for him to eat and I still have a few more things I need to pick up here before we can head home. It was nice seeing you Brian."

She wasn't sure if she meant it or not but it seemed like the polite thing to say. Sure she had loved seeing Brian and Noah interact; giving her a moment to imagine what it would look like if they were a real family. But the truth was they were no more a family than a bunch of actors on a sitcom cast to play a part.

"Wave good-bye Noah," Olivia instructed the little boy.

Noah still had a tight grip on Brian's finger and held on firmly as Brian tried carefully to extract it. When he finally slid his finger free Noah opened and shut his fingers repeatedly, reaching in vain for his missing plaything. After several failed attempts, Noah scrunched up his face and burst into tears.

"Sorry about that Liv," Brian said apologetically. "Guess he doesn't want to see his new friend go."

Olivia heaved an exasperated sigh, not looking forward to the disgruntled looks she was going to get from the other patrons when Noah wouldn't stop crying over his lost friend. "Now I really need to go."

She started to push the cart down the aisle when Brian called after her. She almost didn't hear him over Noah's loud wails. "Liv would it be okay if I called you some time?"

He paused for a moment, praying that she wouldn't turn around and berate him in the middle of aisle seven. She had every right to turn him down, every right to be furious with him after his abrupt change in attitude. But she didn't yell. She didn't even turn around. She had at least stopped walking though; the stiff way she stood indicating she was waiting for him to continue.

So he did. "I don't expect you to want to rush back into a relationship with me. I'd just like a chance to hang out with Noah, get to know him. If that's okay with you."

Olivia finally turned around, a tortured expression masking her beautiful features. How was she supposed to answer him? She wanted nothing more than for Brian and Noah to bond. But what if they spent time together and Brian realized he'd been right in the first place—he wasn't cut out to be a father. If it hurt Noah to watch Brian walk away after five minutes of interaction how painful would it be for the little boy to lose this father figure after days or even weeks of bonding.

"I'm not so sure that's a good idea," Olivia said, a trace of sadness evident in her voice. She didn't miss the way Brian's face fell when she uttered those words. He really seemed to want this and she almost felt bad for rejecting his offer. But she had to think of Noah, she reminded herself.

Brian was a proud man and he wouldn't beg but he decided to give it one more try; use a different tactic. "Come on Liv. I'm sure it's not easy balancing your work at SVU with being a new mom. Let me give you a hand. Watch Noah for you if your regular childcare isn't available or if you just need a baby-free girl's night out. No pressure, no expectations. Just me helping you out…as a friend."

He looked deep into her eyes as he said the word "friend" and was oddly relieved to see that it seemed to have affected her the same way it did him—as though a knife was being plunged deep into his heart. Not daring to take a breath, he shoved his hands in his pockets and waited for her answer.

After what felt like an eternity to both of them, especially with Noah's ongoing sobs continuing to provide a bittersweet soundtrack, Olivia finally replied. She hoped she didn't regret her rash, spur of the moment decision. "I guess that would be okay. It has been tough for me trying to figure out what I'm going to do with him if I get called in overnight. I mean, it's not like I have any family. So if you're sure you're up for phone calls at all hours of the night, we can give it a try."

Brian released the breath he had been holding and smiled at Olivia. "Thank you Liv. You won't regret this."

"Don't make me." Olivia gave him a warning glare. She wanted to trust him, she really did. But a piece of her heart still couldn't let go of the nagging fear that he was just going to walk away from her again, and Noah as well this time.

Brian turned his attention back to the fussy little boy. "You hear that Noah? We're gonna get to spend more time together. We'll be best buds." He stroked Noah's cheek as he spoke.

Almost as if he understood what Brian was telling him, Noah's angry sobs slowly diminished to muffled whimpers. Olivia took that opportunity to pop a pacifier in his mouth which he happily accepted and immediately began contentedly sucking on.

Brian placed a quick kiss on the top of Noah's head, surprising Olivia for what felt like the millionth time in only a matter of minutes, before standing back up and looking at Olivia.

"I'm really glad I ran into you today Liv." He smiled at her but a glimmer of his prior hesitancy could be seen in his eyes again as though he was still unsure whether she would carry through on her end of the deal; whether he would ever see her and Noah again.

"Me too. I'll give you a call soon." Olivia spoke sincerely, doing her best to allay his fears.

"Can't wait." Brian embraced Olivia in a quick parting hug, a hug that was slightly less uncomfortable than their earlier embrace. Brian grudgingly released her and waved at Noah one last time, calling "Bye buddy" to the infant before he turned and walked the opposite direction down the aisle, a noticeable bounce in his step.

And that was how Brian Cassidy had seamlessly transitioned his way back into her life.