Summary:

Severus sacrificed everything for Lily's son. His reputation, his freedom, his life, his second chance at love all belonged to the Boy Who Lived. Everything was his and it was a debt he willingly paid over the years for what he had caused. Even his final moments in Hermione's presence were sacrificed in the name of keeping Potter alive and carrying out his sworn promise to Dumbledore.

His final words of "Look at me," had not been for the boy with the emerald eyes that had haunted him, but for the girl with warm caramel eyes who had restored his hope. The one who he would have loved with every piece of his tortured soul if second chances existed. But when you give your life and happiness up to right the wrongs of your youth, second chances do exist.

For all he has sacrificed, Death offers to wipe the slate clean. Severus, as he is now, would be healed, his memory of the last twenty years erased, and de-aged to take the place of his eighteen year old self. In exchange, his younger self would come forward through time and get to live a life of his own, free of the Mark, free of two masters, and free to love again.


AN:

I went and did that thing, I said I would never do and began writing and posting a second story while also working on SCTT. Young Severus just would not leave me alone the last few days and I went ahead and took the plunge into double writing.

The chapters will get longer, this first one is a prologue of sorts to get things going.

My goal going forward is to maintain a twice a week update schedule for SCTT and a once a week update schedule for Torn Affections.

Of course without the work of my lovely Betas, Snapes_know_it_all and Slytherclaw1917, this would be a garbled, hard to decipher mess of a story, with notes for other works intermingled with my writing. These ladies do a wonderful job of editing and keeping me as on track as humanly possible.

As always, if you want to take the plunge with me, there is the Facebook group that will keep y'all abreast of any unexpected deviations from my updating, as well as have sneak peeks to this story and SCTT.

Link: facebook dot com / groups / 401487450880977

As with SCTT, I do keep a Pinterest Board for TA filled with character images, setting inspiration, and all sorts of things that speak to me and help focus my mind on the story I want to tell. If y'all want, you can find that here, pinterest dot com / SlytherinLovesAGryffindor / torn-affections /

I hope y'all enjoy this one, as much as I have loved developing it in my head.

Take care and be safe out there, wherever you may be reading from,

XOXO


Chapter One

Never Have I Ever... Been in Love

June 1997

Hermione paced the small alcove that hid her and Luna as they watched Professor Snape's empty classroom. Her heart was racing and her gut twisted a dozen times over, forming tight knots as she chewed yet another nail down to the quick. Feeling her teeth nip at the tender skin, she winced and snatched her hand away from her mouth, whipping around to begin another lap. It felt as though they had been waiting for hours outside of his classroom waiting to see if he would make a move with Dumbledore gone as Harry had predicted. With every minute that ticked past, more adrenaline was poured into her veins, making her blood hum as her body vibrated with sick anticipation. She knew something was coming, that things would never be the same after tonight, but she hoped and prayed that what she feared would not come to pass. Biting the nail bed of another finger, she swore under her breath, turning around to face the perceptive blonde that was watching her with her keen eyes.

"Hermione, why don't you go see Professor Snape? He's probably just as tense as you are and could use a friendly face right about now," Luna said airily. "Don't worry, I'll wait right here for you," she added, pulling her wand out of the chunky mauve cardigan she wore with a drifty smile.

Her words had the same effect as ice water being dumped over Hermione's head, shocking the adrenaline right out of her system. She gaped at her friend trying to think of something to say, anything at all, but her mind had short-circuited, replaying Luna's words on a loop. She tried to open her mouth repeatedly to form some sort of rebuttal but all that would come out was a strangled, croaking noise. Giving up, she snapped her mouth shut, ready to resume her pacing circles and pretend Luna's commentary hadn't happened when the clocktower echoed through the corridors announcing the last quarter hour before midnight.

The knots in the pit of her stomach wound themselves tighter, making her wince against the anxiety induced pain. Bringing another finger to her mouth to chew on, she saw the unsteady movement of her hand and admitted her defeat.

"I'll be right back," she said hesitantly, not meeting the girl's silvery blue hued eyes.

Luna gave a soft chirp of acknowledgment before stepping from her corner of the alcove, to keep an eye on the corridors.

Not giving what she was about to do a second thought, Hermione darted out from their hiding spot, and raced the few paces to Professor Snape's classroom, banging the door open, with enough flourish to make him envious of her entrance. The sound resonated through the classroom, prompting the dark, imposing professor to leap out of his office with his long ebony wand trained on her. She quickly threw her hands up to show she was unarmed and awaited for him to assess her.

Seeing him lower his wand, she raced up the aisle of desks and took the stairs up to his office two at a time, launching herself into his arms when she reached the landing. The metal buttons that lined his frock coat, cooled the heat of her skin as she held on tight to the soft wool, breathing in the smell of old parchment and fresh ink that blended with his eucalyptus and juniper scented soap.

"Come inside," he said gruffly, removing her hold on him, to guide her into his office.

She took in the disarray that was his desk with papers and books strewn about and an upended well of ink, dripping onto the stone floors. In the center of his chaotic desk, was a black, leather duffle with clothes stuffed inside, the sleeve of a white dress shirt hanging out of the corner. Turning to look at him as he left the door open with a slight crack, she blinked back her tears.

"Can you still not tell me what is going to happen?" She asked with a sniffle.

Hermione tilted her head back to meet the dark depths of his eyes as he advanced on her. His rough palm came up to cup her face, his long fingers disappearing into the righteous curls of her hair as his other hand settled into place on her hip. She leaned into his touch, brushing her lips against the heel of his hand as she watched the war of emotions flicker across his eyes.

"No matter what happens, no matter how things look, I need you to trust your instincts about me… I need you to trust in me," he implored roughly, the deep silk of his voice long gone. "Promise me you'll hold on to everything else despite what your head or anyone else may tell you after tonight."

She nodded her head emphatically, the motion cut off as he wrapped the hand at her hip around her back and crushed her to his chest in a fierce hug, his lips pressing into the crown of her head as his fingers tangled further into her hair.

They stood in the center of his office clinging to each other, listening to the other's heartbeat and breathing in their scent for the final time, reluctantly pulling apart as the clocktower began to chime the new hour. Professor Snape stepped away from her, a cold mask falling across his face, washing away every trace of emotion that had been there just a moment ago as he stuffed the wayward shirt into his bag, the sound of it snapping closed echoing around them as it tore through her heart. She silently followed him out of his office and down the stairs, her fingers taking a tight hold on the wrist carrying his bag, refusing to release him and the possibilities of their future till the last minute.

At the base of the stairs, he began flicking his wand at the windows and doorway to the classroom, ripples of magic falling over every way in or out of the room.

"There is a more than likely chance Greyback will be among them tonight. Even without a full moon, it will not be safe for you outside of this classroom if he is roaming the corridors. You need to stay in here. I need you to stay in here," he ordered. "Once I leave the grounds, the wards will fall and you'll be released from the room."

Hermione opened her mouth to object but his hand came up, pausing her words before they could even be voiced.

"Do not fight me on this Hermione, I can't do this without knowing you'll be safe."

She closed her mouth, reluctantly agreeing to follow his direction, knowing that he would be incapable of doing whatever Dumbledore had asked of him if he was worried about her instead. He nodded his approval, his eyes tracing over the features of her face and down the length of her body, before striding from the room.

"Please be careful… Severus," she whispered, knowing it would be the last time she would be able to refer to him so personally.

Her words made him freeze mid-step, his perfect posture collapsing as he dropped his duffle and turned back for her. His long legs quickly ate up the distance between them, his calloused palms cupping each side of her face as he yanked her up from where she had begun to lean against his classroom desk for support. Hermione brought her hands up to encircle his wrists and anchor him to her, a moment before his full lips crashed upon hers in a desperate kiss.

His tongue licked at the seam of her mouth, forcing it open for him to claim. A sharp moan left her mouth and was swallowed by his as the normally sharp and barbed muscle carefully massaged her own. She melted further into his hold as he ran the tip along the grooves of the roof of her mouth. His hold on her tightened, bringing her pliant body closer to his as his touch possessed her one final time. All too soon, he was easing out of their frenzied kiss, his lips softly brushing against hers in parting, lingering with the barest of touch for a second longer.

Severus curled his back to rest his forehead against hers as he beseeched, "I told you to never say it out loud, that it makes it all too real, but I need to hear it just once… If I have to do this, I need to hear it."

Hermione pressed her lips roughly against his one more time, forcing him to remember her and the words she had been longing to tell him.

"I love you, Severus."

His eyes squeezed shut as if he were in pain just before he gave her another bruising kiss.

Just as quickly as he had seized her, he released his hold on her, making her stumble back into the desk from the loss of his support. His face was expressionless once more as he straightened up to his full height and turned away from her, his robes lashing out behind him to fall into a gentle ripple as they rode the air created by his harsh steps. Without looking back, he grabbed his bag and headed for the door only to be intercepted by Professor Flitwick racing into the room, shouting about Death Eaters being loose in the castle, Luna hot on his heels, trying to announce his presence to the unsuspecting couple, before he could see them.

Severus's jaw was set tight as he jabbed his wand in the direction of the other professor, knocking him unconscious.

"Do not leave this room," he said coldly, before walking out and slamming the classroom door shut behind him, the final layer of wards raining down along the wood grain as they settled into place.

Later as they were all gathered around Bill's bed in the hospital wing, Harry was trying to place the events of the night into order, sorting through the facts of what had happened.

"So if Ron was watching the Room of Requirement with Ginny and Neville, were you-?"

"Outside of Sev- Snape's classroom with Luna, yes," Hermione answered, her legs trembling as she fought to remain upright, Harry's words mocking her inside her head.

Snape killed Dumbledore… Snape killed Dumbledore… Snape killed Dumbledore….

"We waited for him in the alcove just outside the door for ages but it was quiet the whole time…." She continued giving a pleading look to Luna, asking her to keep her secret from the others. "It was after midnight when Professor Flitwick came sprinting down the corridor shouting about Death Eaters in the castle. He burst into the classroom and a moment later Sev- Snape," she stressed, while silently chastising herself for nearly slipping twice, "raced out, telling us to stay with Professor Flitwick, that it wasn't safe for us out there… Oh my God… How could I not have seen it…?" She asked, trailing off and giving in to her tears as she crumpled onto the cold, unforgiving floor of the hospital wing.

This was what he had to do… What Dumbledore asked, demanded, of him. How did I not put it together?

"It's not your fault, Hermione," Lupin said firmly, a hand reaching down to grasp her shoulder. "Had you followed him he most likely would have killed you."

At his words Hermione yanked away from her former professor's touch, her teeth sinking into her tongue till she drew blood as she fought back the burning urge to defend Severus.

They needed to think the worst of him, to believe the worst of him, so that Harry would have enough time to hunt down the Horcruxes and be ready to face off against Voldemort. Though it made her heart constrict she knew she would have to become convincing in her hatred for him as well, that if she gave even the smallest voice to what she knew to be the truth that it could ruin the entire plan he had set into motion tonight, making the blood that now dripped from his hands for naught.

For now though, she could cry and she could be angry. For the rest of the night, she could give voice to her rage and devastation, allow her tears to freely flow, and they would all believe it to be in reaction to Dumbledore having been murdered. No one would know that she was mourning the man she loved who had been forced to commit such a horrible crime, to keep himself safely embedded within Voldemort's ranks.


AN:

There are sections of speech taken from canon and naturally, they are not mine but belong to JKR because Snape would have had a much happier ending if I had been writing canon lol.