I should have smiled. I should have laughed and hit him on the shoulder. I should have been enjoying this.
But I wasn't.
"Just take off the fedora, would you? It's going to get you distracted… and me distracted for that matter."
"Oh, so you do like the fedora." Zane crossed his arms, giving me a suggestive glance.
"I swear, if you don't get serious and take it off, something more serious is going to whack it off for you."
"I am serious! Who says serious can't also be fun?"
"Me. I'm saying it. Right now."
Zane shrugged and laughed. "Come on Pixal. Lighten up. We don't want to miss our next lead." He dramatically ran his fingers over the rim of his hat, winking at me. He brushed past me as we continued on our way to our next location. I bit my lip. What could I do? What could I say to try and make him understand? I let out a deep sigh, following him.
He's used to working with his teammates. He's used to being on the frontlines and knowing what it is he's up against. He's used to someone having his back at every turn. He's used to being with elemental masters who know spinjitzu and have been doing this for years. He's used to being a ninja. Those six... Those six just seem so invincible sometimes. Like nothing could ever really defeat them. That in the end they had some sort of absolute power to set things right and make things better despite all odds.
But they're gone now.
It's different on the other side of things. It's different when they leave, and you're left alone to manage everything. Because you're it. It's just you. And you don't have a lot of information on what you're dealing with, because up until now, you've been worried about what they're dealing with. And things get dangerous, and there are a lot more close calls and… people get hurt. Whether it's you, or whoever you're protecting, something bad always happens because you don't have cute friends around your shoulder to back you up.
And I wanted to tell him. Wanted to scream at him to drop the act and focus himself even if he does look cute in a fedora. Because none of that matters when you're suddenly the only thing keeping together the ordered seams of a naturally chaotic world.
But I couldn't
I couldn't find the words. And it wasn't the first time I'd felt this way. It was the same awful lump in my throat from Chen's island. Trying to explain to a Zane so ignorant of how dire a situation was, how to get out of it. Trying to mask how much I had gone through to get to this point. Trying to pretend that the prospect of something happening to him wasn't killing me every second we spoke together.
And the sad thing was, I was right.
Because something happened.
Because something always happens.
Because he's not invincible anymore.
And so, when I wake up, he's gone. And what do I find?
...his damn fedora.
