JUMP isn't Just for Kids, No Really It Isn't...Wait, What Do You Mean It Is?


A.N. So, instead of trying to plan out a whole story, I've decided to do a bunch of oneshots from Gintoki and Tsukuyo's relationship. They won't be in any kind of order. That way I can just write about whatever comes to mind whenever it comes to mind, without having to plan anything. I've done stories like this before and I think it suits me best really...i.e...I'm lazy when it comes to planning and I can't be bothered, lol. I hope you all enjoy it. I'm open to any ideas you guys might have for a scene, so please feel free to message or leave a review, I'd love to hear from you all.


Rated M


"Told you that guy's a ramen genius," Gintoki grinned, kissing a trail down Tsukuyo's flushed neck as she moaned. They'd eaten ramen in the park at the battered old stand he'd promised her for their second date, and the food had been amazing, as he'd said it would be.

"G...guess ya were right," she mumbled, clutching her arms around him. Her back was against the wall and one of her legs was already hooked around his waist. Her other leg that she was standing on, felt like jelly and she was glad that the wall felt so solid behind her as it seemed to be all that was holding her up. That and his muscled leg standing between hers, of course.

"Waaaay better than some fancy, stupid restaurant," he said.

"Yeah..." she agreed. Her hand hastily pulled down the zip on his shirt and ran her hands down his chest and along his arms.

"Even if the food wasn't free."

"Might as well 'ave been."

"Hmmmm...I think staring at a pretty face all night softened the old guy up...he's usually pretty stingy. Maybe next time," Gintoki mused.

"Told ya...I ain't ya free meal ticket..." she scolded him. At the same time she also pushed down the sleeve of his yuakata and then drew one hand around to the back of his neck and into his hair.

"Who says I meant yours? My face is pretty too, y'know," Gintoki drawled.

"Idiot," she chuckled.

He made short work of her obi and tossed it to the floor, taking off her small black stores of kunai that she tied around her waist, kicking them away as they fell at his feet.

"Why'd you bring all these again?" he grumbled as he worked to untie the wrist guard she used to store even more kunai underneath her sleeve.

"I'm always..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, you're a walking armoury," Gintoki rolled his eyes. He threw her arm guard aside and heard it clatter uselessly somewhere over by the door. "That all of them?" he asked.

"These..." Tsukuyo reached up and pulled out the kunai she kept in her hair as well as the new hair pin which was razor sharp at the end. She reached out her arm and fumbled to put them on top of the low bookshelf next to them which was filled with JUMP volumes.

At the same time, he'd pushed open her green kimono and cupped her right breast through her bra and palmed at her her waist with his other hand.

"Where...mmm...where's..." she mumbled and looked around, expecting to see Shinpachi or Kagura walk into the room at any moment.

"Dojo," he answered, monosyllabically between kisses, "All night."

Tsukuyo let out a relieved breath against his lips and reached between them to untie his belts and then tugged down the sleeves of his yukata and it too, pooled uselessly at their feet.

Considering that it had only been earlier that very morning when she'd surprised both herself and him by taking the initiative in their shared bath, Tsukuyo was surprised that she could still want someone, even him, as much as she did. But it still wasn't enough and he clearly agreed. His hands seemed to be everywhere at once, at her breasts, her waist, her thighs and squeezing at her backside. And before she knew it one of those hands was also sliding beneath her panties and between her legs. She let out a desperate moan which he echoed as they shared breaths, kissing and touching in a frantic haze while she rocked against his hand but found that her movement was far too limited. She groaned in frustration when she found that she couldn't really move much andwithout warning, he dropped her leg from his waist so that he could pull down her panties and she helped him to remove his trousers and his boxers. Then he lifted both of her legs and drew them around his waist so that she was being held up by him and the wall.

"Ehhhh...wha..." she exclaimed, holding onto him tightly for fear that he'd drop her.

She was still wearing her kimono loosely around her as well as her bra, though he'd undone the clasp at some point and he was still wearing his shirt but it didn't seem to matter to either of them. Clutching at her waist and with his other hand at the wall by her head, he pushed into her and bit his lip, barely holding back the moan of pleasure at feeling her clenching around him.

Tsukuyo threw back her head violently with a moan and even the painful feeling of colliding with the wall wasn't enough to break through the ridiculously fast wave of desire she was blinded with.

"Y'ok?" he mumbled, bringing his hand around to the back of her head as he kissed her.

"Mmmm," she hummed back.

Clutching at the back of his shirt, she rocked against him as much as she could but with her back against the wall and her body basically propped up on his. Her thighs strained from the effort as she moved herself against him and her tongue battled his as their lips moved hard and fast. Her back slammed against the wall repeatedly, making loud thumping noises as he thrust up into her and the shoji door next to them rattled precariously in its frame.

She tightened her hand in his hair, holding onto him and whimpering at the murmurs of desperation he made. She could hear the lewd sounds of their bodies colliding frantically but she barely registered her own wanton cries or the fact that she was muttering his name into their kiss.

It felt like a whole new level of desperation that Tsukuyo couldn't quite compare to anything they'd done before. Even earlier that same day, it hadn't been quite as frantic or as wild as it felt now. It was dizzying and almost unbelievable how fast they'd gone from eating a late dinner at the park to stumbling up the stairs of his house and tearing at each other's clothes, unable to stop. She'd always thought of it as a weakness to want someone, to need someone so much that everything else would simply fade away and the need became more important than air. But she wanted him more than she needed air. She was kissing him so much that breathing was becoming impossible and she wanted to think that he felt the same. He was holding onto her with a bruising strength while every move he made inside her seemed to hit her at a different angle than she'd felt before and she could feel herself being pushed ever closer to a blinding abyss.

His nails dug into her skin and his arms tightened around her as he shoved her back up against the wall roughly, thrusting into her erratically a few more times before he let out a loud, wanton moan as he came.

"Tsu...kuyo..." he just about managed to utter as he buried his face in her shoulder, his grip around her still strong.

Watching him come undone was fast becoming, what felt like, a guilty pleasure to her and she vowed never to actually tell him that; she'd likely never survive the embarrassment. But then, watching him as he lost all control and feeling him around her as well as inside her, her own loud cries joined his and he held her as she trembled and shook and moaned out his name.

He smoothed a shaking hand down her hair while she trembled with her eyes closed and waited until she fell lax against him, gasping for breath.

"Hmmmm..." she hummed against him.

Her every limb felt like jelly and she wobbled as she fell down from his grasp. Her feet hit the floor again and she almost fell, unable to stand at all, but he just about caught her. His shaking arms encircled her and together they slid down the wall, exhausted from such a rapid climb to ecstasy and they collapsed gracelessly onto the floor, panting for breath. As they collapsed, they also managed to knock over the low shelf next to them and it slammed into the floor loudly and sent the multitude of JUMP volumes and various other bits of bric-a-brac clattering around them.

"Oops," Gintoki grumbled, leaning his head back against the wall. He kicked all of the fallen objects away from them so they could sit there without being buried and Tsukuyo managed to help a little, tossing things aside and grumbling when her thigh landed on the pointy corner of a large JUMP volume.

"Oww," she hissed, picking it up and glaring at it.

"Huh," Gintoki mumbled, taking the book from her hand and then stared at it for a moment before he tossed it back onto the floor. "Wondered where that one'd gone," he said as Tsukuyo's head lolled onto his shoulder.

He'd never have guessed that she was such a cuddler after sex and he would've teased her about it, except when he thought about it, he'd been rather clingy too which surprised him just as much. As nice as the post coital haze was, it didn't usually make him act like that. Usually he'd just leave, so would whoever he'd slept with and neither of them cared enough to want to be so tender afterwards. He turned his head a little and rested it over hers, deciding that it was a nice change if an unfamiliar one.

"KEEP IT DOWN UP THERE, YOU PUNKS!" Otose screamed at them from down in the bar. She was banging the ceiling with a broom as well in her anger.

"Eh?" Tsukuyo's eyes opened wide in shock, her contented bubble of post sex bliss was very effectively shattered by the old woman's voice and clearly so was Gintoki's.

"You've gotta be kidding me," he groaned, running a hand down his face.

"I DON'T CARE HOW HORNY YOU ARE, JUST SHUT IT ALREADY! THE BANGING AND THE CRASHING AND THE MOANING IS REALLY ANNOYING!" Otose screamed at them again.

"I'm gonna kill her. I swear I'm gonna kill her," Gintoki gritted his teeth.

"PEOPLE ARE TYRING TO DROWN AWAY THEIR SORROWS DOWN HERE, YOU DAMN PUNKS! HOW CAN THEY DO THAT WHEN THEY CAN'T EVEN DROWN OUT YOUR NOISE!" the old woman continued.

Tsukuyo blushed a furious red and hid her face in his neck, letting out a pitiful sounding whine. She brought her knees up and curled into a ball at his side as though she wanted to disappear. Gintoki took a deep breath and yelled back down through the floor.

"YOU SHUT IT YOU DAMN GRANNY, WE'RE NOT THAT LOUD!" he yelled, quickly much to Tsukuyo's annoyance as she was right next to him and she groaned again, covering her ears.

"LIAR! YOU'RE SO LOUD THEY COULD HEAR YOU FROM ALL THE WAY DOWN THE STREET! AND WHAT WAS THAT CRASH? WHAT KIND OF FINISH WAS THAT?! IF YOU'VE BROKEN SOMETHING, YOU'RE PAYING FOR IT. WHAT THE HELL DO YOUNG PEOPLE EVEN GET UP TO THESE DAYS?! WHEN THEY SAY 'BANG' THAT'S NOT WHAT THEY MEAN, Y'KNOW!"

"NOTHING'S BROKEN, YOU DAMN GRANNY! AND QUIT BEING SUCH A BORE! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS!"

"WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD BE JEALOUS OF YOU, YOU LAZY, GOOD FOR NOTHING, PERM HEAD?!"

"LOOK, GRANNY, DON'T BRING MY HAIR INTO THIS. AND JUST 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T!" Gintoki yelled back through the floor.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?!"

"Oh my god," Tsukuyo said, sounding mortified and her voice was muffled a little as she was still hiding her face in his neck and his shoulder in embarrassment. "Just...stop shoutin', please..." she shook her head.

"Why?" he asked.

"I didn't think...they'd hear us...I'm...oh my god..." she lamented.

"What's the problem?"

"Ya idiot, is they all heard us down there!" Tsukuyo exclaimed.

"Soooo?"

"What d'ya mean 'so?' They prob'ly think I'm some kinda...y'know..."

"Sex fiend?" he grinned.

"NO! I mean...a prostitute..." she raised her head and looked at him.

"Well, you're not."

"I know that! And ya know that! But they don't!"

"Sure they do, they know you. And these buildings are made of wood and paper, so it's not that surprising that they heard something."

"Urgh..."

"It's not like all innocent down there y'know. You should see some of her regular customers...and I don't mean me...real perverts some of them, I'm telling you. They probably enjoyed that as much as we did."

"That's not the point!" she said, flushed red.

"Then what is?" he asked, genuinely confused, "I don't care what people think and since when did you?"

"I...I don't...I just don't want people to think I'm a..."

"That means you do care!"

"Urgh," Tsukuyo sighed, sagging against the wall.

"I know I said this didn't need to be a sex date this morning, but you gotta admit that was hot," Gintoki said.

"...Hmmmm..." she nodded, slightly flushed.

"And you wanted it just as much as I did."

"...Hmmmm..." she repeated.

"And you liked it! So what's it matter? So what if they think we're both sex fiends or prostitutes or whatever."

"I ain't a prostitute," she said again.

"I know that. If you were your rates would probably be waaaaaay outta my league," he joked, "But it's not like I'd care even if you were. Tell them I'm the prostitute and you hired me for all I care."

"I ain't gonna do that!" Tsukuyo insisted.

"It could be my new business," he mused.

"No," she repeated, strictly.

"'No' you're not gonna tell them I'm a prostitute, or 'no' I'm not starting a new business where I'm a prostitute?"

"'No' to both."

"Not even if I make a lot of money?"

"No," she repeated, rolling her eyes.

"Fine," he sighed, dramatically. "You're so bossy, honey," he added, smirking.

"I told ya not to call me that! An' another thing, I ain't a...s...sex fiend...either..." Tsukuyo mumbled.

"I think you're turning into one," he grinned.

"OI!"

"It's a good thing. It's sexy," he instead, trailing his fingers along her exposed thigh and pushed down her fishnet stocking a little.

"YOU BETTER BE FINISHED UP THERE, YOU HEAR ME?! IF I HEAR ANY MORE NOISE..." Otose's loud voice shouted up at them again.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Gintoki screamed back. "Arrghhh, stupid granny," he grumbled, running a hand through his hair.

"W...were we really that loud?" she asked, concerned.

"Wasn't really paying attention," he shrugged. "S been a while since I had a lay that fast, I wouldn't have noticed if the old hag had stormed through the door demanding the rent, honestly."

"...Did ya lock the door when we came in?" Tsukuyo asked.

"...Ermmmm..." he blinked, suddenly realising that he hadn't, so his landlady could have walked in on them if she'd wanted to. Thankfully, she'd settled for attacking the ceiling with a broom and shouting at them instead.

"Oh my god," Tsukuyo mumbled.

"Next time," he shrugged, "Next time I'll remember. I'll write a memo."

"What kinda damn memo is that?" she couldn't help but grumble.

"A helpful one," he replied, dryly, "You didn't think of it either. We're lucky we made it inside at all, never mind locking the door. Didn't even make it to the bed. Who needs beds anyway? Promise...next time we'll remember...maybe. Still would'a been worth it if even if she had walked in on us."

"...I...I don't..." Tsukuyo pursed her lip.

"Luckily you're such a sexy sex fiend, even her mood killing voice doesn't matter," he said, leaning over her to kiss her and run a hand through her hair.

"Lock the door," she said, pulling away from him.

"Seriously?" he blinked at her and her serious expression never faltered, neither did her glaring eyes. "Fiiiiine," he sighed.


Some time later, Tsukuyo emerged from the bedroom wearing Gintoki's spare set of green pyajamas as she held them around her.

"This is just stupid," she declared, holding out her arms. "They're way too big," she said, huffing at the green pyjamas. He didn't turn to look at her, he was lounging on the sofa, and gazing lazily at the television screen as he idly flicked through the channels with the remote. A pile of JUMP volumes was scattered on the coffee table, most of which had been picked up from the shelf they'd knocked over and he'd been re-reading old favourites while she'd changed.

"Well, then you should've bought your own things to this pyjama party," he shrugged.

"I didn't know I was gonna stay over!" she exclaimed.

"What? You saying you wanna leave?"

"No!"

"Then what's the problem? You want me to kick you out? I thought we agreed that no one's kicking anyone out anywhere. And what the heck did you think was gonna happen when I said 'come over' anyway?"

"How the hell would I know?!" she demanded, annoyed. "No one's ever said...that before! And 'come over' doesn't mean 'stay over'...does it? Anyway, how would I know, I'm not a mind reader!"

"Fine then, just keep in mind that if I say 'come over' again, it means 'stay over'. Why are you so freaking literal all the time? Maybe I should've said..." he trailed off when he finally turned to look at her and tried to muffle a chortle behind his hand. He failed. "You're right...you do look kinda stupid," he admitted. She looked so small, standing there completely swamped in his clothes and the fact that the pyjamas were so large on her, it just made her looked even smaller.

"OI!" she exclaimed.

"You're just lucky I have a spare pair and I'm feeling generous enough to let you use them. It's not like you could fit into Kagura's stuff, is it? I could've just said walk around naked and...wait...do that instead. Give my pyjamas back, they're too big like you said, right?"

"I ain't gonna walk around n...naked!" she blushed.

"Damn," he lamented.

"Pervert," Tsukuyo grumbled and walked over to the sofa.

"I don't think it counts as being perverted if I say I'd rather you walk around naked if I'm already sleeping with you...I can walk around naked too, if it helps."

"No one's walking around naked," she said, standing by the sofa.

"Spoil sport," he grumbled. "Sit down already, you're blocking the tv," he added and took her hand then dragged her down onto the sofa.

"Whaaaa..." she exclaimed, finding herself sprawled over his lap as she fell down.

"Comfy?" he asked, smirking and she flushed. She sat up off him and leaned back against the sofa, turning to the tv.

"Oi...did they just say...'My Secret Yoshiwara Romance'?" Tsukuyo blinked at the tv. "That actually exists? Really?" she asked, stunned. Just the other day when they'd visited the cafe in Yoshiwara, Gintoki had used that show as an excuse when she'd been shouting at him. But she hadn't thought that it actually existed.

"Apparently so," he replied.

"I thought ya just made it or somethin' up the other day."

"Dunno. I watch a lot of crappy tv. Maybe I was half asleep and I just remembered the name," he shrugged.

"Is it any good?"

"Dunno," he reiterated, "Let's find out."


"This is a really dumb show," Tsukuyo remarked about half an hour later with a grimace at one of the characters' particularly over the top acting.

"Course it is," Gintoki replied. About then ten minutes into the show he'd picked up one of the JUMP volumes from the table and he was reading that instead, barely listening to the program. "It's...what? Gone midnight? One a.m? The only things on this time of night...err...morning...is stupid tv dramas, even stupider game shows, those self help, get rich quick seminars...which don't work by the way...oh or porn," he said, turning a page.

"Oh..." she said, surprised.

"I'm guessing you don't watch a lot of late night tv, huh?" he inferred.

"Not really."

"Probably best," he said and she couldn't help but nod in agreement. She turned off the tv and tossed the remote further onto the sofa and glanced at the manga he was reading.

"What's that? Lemme see," Tsukuyo said, moving closer.

"Eh? You wanna read JUMP?" he asked, looking up from the page at her, stunned.

"Well, it can't be any worse than that stupid tv show."

"Wasn't that bad," he shrugged, "I've definitely seen worse."

"Ya weren't even watchin' it."

"I was listening...sorta."

"Well, it was dumb," she insisted. "So lemme see that," she said, pointing at the book.

"Fine. Get over here," Gintoki said, and pulled her closer.


"This one ain't bad," Tsukuyo remarked, sounding surprised as she turned a page some time later. She was leaning against him as they both stared at the thick volume.

"Told you," he replied, smugly.

"Thought it was just kids's stuff," she admitted.

"Why does everyone think that?" Gintoki grumbled.

"'Cause it is kid's stuff."

"Oi!" he glared at her. "If it's just kid's stuff then you won't wanna read anymore," he said and snatched back the volume she was reading. "You can go back to watching that stupid tv show," he said.

"Oi! Give it back!" Tsukuyo exclaimed, reaching out her arm to grab the JUMP volume back but he moved it quickly out of her reach.

"Nah, it's it for kids, right? You wouldn't be interested, 'cause you're such a mature adult, right?" he mocked.

"I was readin' that!"

"Even if it's just for kids?" he joked and flicked through it. "Oh, you didn't get to this part, right? Waaa...who could've guessed this twist...completely unexpected. But you won't wanna know, right?"

"Give it back!" she repeated and reached over again. She landed on top of him, still stretching out her arm but his slightly longer arm was able to keep it just out of her reach.

"Oi, your knee...move your knee!" he cried when she squirmed on top of him. Her right knee had moved between his legs as she propped herself over him and was resting her weight right on his crotch.

"Huh?" Tsukuyo blinked, confused until she looked down and then blushed. "Sorry...wait...no, not till you give me that back!"

"Not fair! Arrrrgh...stop it! Get off! That hurts, damn it! You're crushing my joystick!" he yelled, squirming uncomfortably and trying to move her with one hand. "Fine, here!" Gintoki grumbled, tossing the book at her and then rolling her off him so that she was lying sandwiched between him and the back of the sofa. "That was cruel," he commented, "You can't use those parts of a man against him like that."

"Why not?" she asked, mockingly.

"Because it hurts!" he complained.

"I'll take ya word for it."

"That sounds really sympathetic," he said, sarcastically and then yawned. "S'getting late. I'm beat. I'm going to bed. You're still staying here...right?" he asked.

"Where else am I gonna go this time o' night?" she asked, trying to sound a lot calmer than she actually felt.

"Knowing you...work," Gintoki drawled.

"In ya stupid big pyjamas? Don't be stupid," she scoffed.

"Hey, don't knock pyjamas! Pyjamas are the best! I once fought in a prison riot in pyjamas! I even convinced the guards to wear pyjamas. They still wear them, y'know! It's a total pyjama prison now!"

"Whatever," Tsukuyo snorted. "I ain't goin' anywhere in my pyjamas. Not to prison, not even to work," she added.

"Hinowa's orders?" he inferred.

"Nope."

"Huuuh?" Gintoki hummed, stunned. "Maybe I'm a good influence," he said.

"Or a bad one."

"We've been over this already; time off work won't kill you, you damn workaholic."

"I know, I know," Tsukuyo sighed.

"I'm holding you to that, y'know. No sneaking out to patrol," he said, pointing a suspicious finger at her.

"I ain't sneaking off," she insisted, getting frustrated.

"Good, 'cause if you try I'll just have to tie you down and...wait...you haven't tried that yet, have you..." he trailed off, thoughtfully with a hand at his chin and grin on his face.

"Who'd wanna try that?!" she yelled, blushing.

"Oi, oi, keep an open mind! We can even take turns and I don't say that very often. I prefer to do the tying if I'm honest but if you ask me nicely, I might let you. But I get to tie you up first..."

"WHY?!" Tsukuyo screamed.

"'Cause it was my idea."

"Idiot, ya total idiot! Like I'd ever let anyone t...tie me up!"

"Well, you let me do a whole lot of other stuff to you, so why not?"

"Urgh," she put her head in her hands. "This is stupid. Can't even believe we're havin' this stupid conversation," she said.

"We've had stupider," Gintoki said, dryly. "And it's not even that stupid, really. We're both adults. It's fun...and it's really, really hot. I like it and I'm not ashamed of that," he shrugged.

"That's 'cause y'shamless," she scoffed, her voice muffled.

"Maybe," he replied and yawned again, his eyes felt heavy and he stretched his arms above his head. "Or maybe you're just too easily embarrassed," he retorted.

"...Maybe," Tsukuyo admitted, quietly.

"'Maybe', she says," he mocked, rolling his eyes.

"H...how much fun is it?" she mumbled, lifting her head from her hands but she avoided looking at him.

"A lot, but it's not for everyone. Geez, relax, you look so tense," he nudged her with his shoulder. "I don't mean let's do it now. Sheesh. If you don't want to, we won't, so relax already," he said. "The day you stop being embarrassed so easily is the day I give up strawberry milk, I swear," he mocked.

"I'll hold ya to that," Tsukuyo said, repeating his words from earlier as she finally turned to him.

"Well, it's never gonna happen, so it's fine. I can drink strawberry milk till I'm old and grey and I'm as wrinkled as an elephants' ass."

"Or till ya die young of diabetes."

"Oi, that's mean," he pouted and she shrugged. Gintoki untangled himself from her and stood up off the sofa. "If you're done being mean now, I'm going to bed. You coming?" he asked.

"Hmmm," she hummed. "I'll just tidy up all this," she said, gesturing to the cups they'd left on the table and the JUMP volumes they'd left lying around on the floor.

"Leave it, I don't care," Gintoki yawned again and took a step away from her.

"Won't take long," she said and reached out her hand, lighting fast and grabbed his wrist then pulled him back down so that she could lightly kiss his lips with a blush. "...Night," Tsukuyo said, quietly.

"I'm telling you, it's fine, just leave it till morning," he said, looking at the things they'd left out.

"I don't like mess," Tsukuyo replied.

"Fine, just don't take too long," he relented, then made his way into his bedroom and practically collapsed into his futon.


The next thing he knew, he was being woken by his Justaway alarm clock and he grumbled. He whacked the alarm clock across the room as he always did and yelled at it.

"SHUT UP," Gintoki screamed. "Huh...Tsukuyo?" he blinked, noticing that he was alone in the futon. He threw off the covers and stumbled to slide open the shoji door. What he saw was so surprising that he closed it again instantly and rubbed at his sleepy eyes. Then, he slowly opened the door again and saw the exact same thing.

Tsukuyo was sitting on the floor surrounded by large volumes of JUMP, perhaps they'd once been stacked neatly but the pile had grown so large it must've buckled under its own weight and now it looked as though she was swamped by them.

"What're y'doin'?" Gintoki asked, sleepily. "I must've fell asleep pretty quick. Did you come to bed last night?" he asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Huh..." Tsukuyo's looked up from the manga she was reading and turned to look at him. "Wait...it's light out'? It's mornin'?" she blinked.

"Yeeeeeaaaah..." he drawled, leaning against the door frame. "Eh...were you sitting there all night reading JUMP?" he asked, stunned.

"I...I can't feel my butt..." Tsukuyo admitted, shuffling on the floor uneasily with a blush.

"Sooo...you were sitting there all night?"

"Well...I wasn't plannin' on it...I just thought...I'll tidy up after I've finished this one...and then I read another...and another...and b'fore I knew it...I guess I was...'ere all night...oh, damn it I'm tired..." she leaned forwards, collapsing on on herself and she yawned.

"Daaaamn," Gintoki sighed, leaning back against the wall. "This is a dream, right? I'm still asleep. This isn't real. There's no way," he mumbled and buried his head in his hands. "There's just no way...NO WAY...that you've been sitting there all night reading JUMP. You're hot enough already and you're a sex fiend..."

"I ain't a sex fiend!" she cried, blushing, but he ignored her.

"...And now you read JUMP too?! Are you kidding me?! A hot babe who likes sex as much as I do, doesn't care about expensive dates and reads manga! What kind of a joke is this?" he practically drooled as he spoke. "I'm dreaming. This is a dream, right?" he gripped the doorframe and bashed his head against it, violently. "Wake up! WAKE UUUUUUPPPPPP! This isn't funny!" he yelled.

"Oi," Tsukuyo's looked up and her eyes opened wide at him. "Ya gonna break the wall!" she said, standing up on uneasy legs, "Or ya head!"

"Who cares, as long as I wake up!"

"Ya are awake!" she insisted. She stood beside him and gripped his shoulder, pulling him away from the wall before he could hit his head against it again.

"...Really?" he asked in disbelief as he stared at her.

"Yeah, idiot," she scoffed.

"You really stayed up all night reading JUMP? I'm not dreaming? You're serious?!"

"...Err...yeah," she said, running a hand through her hair, embarrassed. "Guess I did. Sorry...really didn't mean to...it wasn't 'cause I didn't wanna go to bed or anythin' like that, I was gonna but..."

"Fuuuuck," he breathed. Unable to stop himself, he threw his arms around her and kissed her.


"Gin-chaaaaan, moooooorning, it's mooooorning!" Kagaura sang happily as she and Shinpachi came through the front door. They took off their shoes and then opened the door into the living room, then stood staring of the sight of Gintoki and Tsukuyo holding each other tightly and kissing. The fact that she was wearing his pyjamas wasn't lost on them either.

"Eeehhhhh?" Shinpachi cried and slid the door closed. "You saw that right? That wasn't my imagination, right?" he asked Kagura.

"They're still going at it," the girl said, sounding bored. "Let's come back later," she said.

Shinpachi opened the door slowly and blinked at the sight. "Erm..." he said, blushing a very impressive shade of red.

"Go away!" Gintoki yelled. He barely pulled away from Tsukuyo's for a second to say that.

"B...b...but..."

"I said, go away! I'm busy!"

"Fine," Kagura sighed, waving a dismissive hand and turning to leave. "But Gin-chan, don't make any babies while we're gone," she said and Shinpachi yelled out again in shock.

"Gin...toki...s...stop...they're..." Tsukuyo's moaned.

"You're kidding, right?" he scoffed, sucking at her ear and her neck, brushing her hair away. "You get hooked on JUMP in one night and you expect me not to 'jump' you?!" he declared.

"Eeeehhhhhhh?" Shinpachi cried as he was dragged away by Kagura.

"Gin-chan, no babies!" the girl said as she left.

"Shut it!" he mumbled back.


Shinpachi and Kagura threw themselves onto the stools in Otose's bar. Kagura looked bored and Shinpachi looked extremely embarrassed. They could hear faint thumping noises from upstairs again.

"What's going up there?" Otose asked them.

"Tsukki likes JUMP now," Kagura explained, "So Gin-chan says he has to jump Tsukki."

"Sheesh," the old woman let out a deep exhale of smoke from her cigarette. "Now he'll never stop reading that stuff," she said.

"I'm never gonna be able to unsee any of that," Shinpachi mumbled, his face resting on the bar and he slumped over it.

"On the house," Otose place a bottle of Shinpachi's favourite tea next to him.

"Ah...thanks," he said, sheepishly.

"If this is going to happen all the time, I'm gonna buy some earplugs and charge them to that useless idiot," Catherine said.

"Like he'd pay you," Otose scoffed.

"Otose-sama," Tama began. "Maybe this will be good for you. My data shows that men who engage in sexual activities more frequently are more likely to pay their rent," she said.

"What kind of data are you storing?" the old woman raised an eyebrow, "Where do you even get that kind of data?"

"Data is learned from the useless men who frequent this bar."

"Oh, then delete it, it's probably just as useless as them," she sighed. "Ah well. Not like we can stop them anyway," she gave a small smile. "Let them have their fun. It's not like he brings girls around all the time...not once since you guys moved in, actually," she said looking at the young Yorozuya members. "Maybe that stupid perm head's finally found someone as crazy as he is. From what I've heard, she hasn't exactly had an easy life either," she said.

"Hmmm," Shinpachi hummed and Kagura gave him an understanding glance. "That's true," the young samurai said.

"I remember when I was that young...my husband and I were the same..." Otose began.

"No one wants to hear about that, nu-huh," Kagura shuddered.

"You shut it, brat!" Otose snapped at her. "Who knows...maybe I'll even get some grandchildren outta that uselss layabout someday," she said, thoughtfully.

"Thankfully, Otose-san, that useless layabout isn't actually your son," Catherine remarked.

"Sometimes I wonder," the old woman mused.

"What d..." Shinpachi began to ask her.

"I've got an idea," she said, interrupting him. "Karaoke," she declared.

"Ah! Good idea, granny!" Kagura smiled.


When they finally heard Gintoki and Tsukuyo walking down the stairs they looked outside and saw that they were both dressed and standing close to each other. Tsukuyo was flushed red, avoiding their gaze while he looked just as lazy and disinterested as ever.

"Where you going, Gin-chan?" Kagura asked as Shinpachi sang loudly and off key to his favourite Otsu-chan song.

"To buy JUMP," Gintoki answered her, perfectly serious.