Of all the stupid things he could've done, he did this.
Why, just why?
What did he expect to accomplish?
Stupid feelings for a woman who isn't even here with him.
Historia would be creeped out if he had feelings for her 12 year old self or saw her in her younger form.
He just knew it.
Would that make him like those pedophiles that lived in The Underground?
Get rid of it.
Get rid of it.
Stupid Eren.
He sat by Krista who was still staring at him.
Idiot, he scolded himself.
The two cadets sat in silence until Krista broke it.
"Hi, I'm Krista. Nice to meet you."
"Eren Yeager."
He knew he normally sucked at socializing especially after his PTSD kicked in but this was just too much.
Maybe he should just leave.
"So... Eren... what district did you come from?"
The man-turned-boy flinched slightly in discomfort.
"Shiganshina."
"That's... I'm so sorry..."
"It's fine..."
Eren thought back to his mother, her trapped under the rubble.
He had done so many things...
Horrible things...
Things that stemmed from his trauma of losing her...
"I'll destroy them... every last one of those animals that's on this Earth."
He knew that deep down that while he had matured, he was still a kid at heart.
He never moved on from his mother's death to this day.
It never excused the atrocities he's committed but still...
He wondered if something would've changed if he didn't lose his mother.
"Do you want to eat with me?"
His fellow tablemate's voice snapped him out of his thoughts.
He didn't want to attract anymore attention once the other cadets enter the hall.
He knew Krista was a magnet for the boys(and some girls) because of her beauty.
Armin and Mikasa would be more suspicious than they already were if he didn't dine with them.
He had to push down his trauma and act normal.
As normal as Eren Yeager could be.
"No thank you. But it was nice sitting with you. We can talk again another time."
"Oh... ok..." He could sense some disappointment in her voice. That was something that pulled at his heartstrings. Her tone reminded him of their first heart to heart in that cabin, when she bared her heart and troubles in front of him.
For a moment he could feel Historia coming from Krista and it was painful that he couldn't and shouldn't do anything about it.
He got up and left the table.
He sat 5 tables in front of her.
30 minutes later and eventually more cadets filled the hall.
As he expected, a few cadets came to Krista and tried flirting with her.
He scoffed at their pathetic attempts to woo the blonde.
What did it matter it to him.
He had no right to be jealous.
His Historia was gone.
Left behind in another life.
Eventually the hall was full.
Except his two childhood friends were nowhere to be found.
He expected them to try to find him and he would swallow down the bile that would've threatened to spill from his throat.
But Armin and Mikasa weren't occupying his table, only random cadets.
Heaving a heavy sigh, he left the table and headed out the hall.
His feet carried him to the medical tents.
Eren found Mikasa sitting on a chair next to Armin, who was passed out on a small bed.
Her look of surprise when she saw him was to be expected.
After all, he had ignored the two for a while.
"You went too rough on him huh?"
Mikasa shook her head.
"I barely tripped him but he fell on his head. The nurse says he has a slight concussion. He should be up any moment now."
"Good, best that we don't miss dinner."
"Eren... why have you been ignoring the two of us? Did we do something wrong?"
There it was.
Their suspicions voiced out through Mikasa's bluntness.
"No. I'm feeling better now. Sorry for the silent treatment. I was just a bit tired and sick."
"That's good. I'm glad you're feeling better." Mikasa smiled warmly.
Eren nodded and saw Armin's eyes fluttering awake.
"Eren? What are you doing here?"
Eren harnessed all his willpower to not break into pieces under the gaze of those ocean-blue eyes.
His lips curved into a soft smile.
During his time as the leading head-figure for the Yeagerists, he knew exactly how hide his emotions under a façade.
He knew how to lie.
How to deceive.
How to manipulate.
But this came from the bottom of his heart.
Something he yearned to say to them after so long.
After so much suffering in solitude and silence.
"What else? I'm spending time with the two people I love."
