Ai Hod Yu In
Chapter 38
It occurred to Clarke after Murphy and Madi had disappeared that perhaps that had been the last time she'd ever see her daughter. Things could go horribly wrong, and if she was caught then her life would be forfeit. Perhaps there was something more she should have said, but she couldn't even look at the little girl. This was certainly not the first time she'd come close to dying, but for the first time she felt utterly terrified of it. Sure, she'd been scared to die before. That fear didn't compare to how this felt, though. Madi was her world, her reason for living. The thought that she may not be able to watch her little girl grow up was the worst thought she'd ever had. Even so, she'd simply had no other choice but to part ways with the little girl.
While this was not the first time she'd entrusted her daughter to Murphy, this was inherently different. This time, she wasn't so sure she was coming back. And somehow, she'd known that Murphy would make sure her child survived. She knew that she could count on him.
Clarke was silent as she strolled to Titus's quarters. She knew where he kept the flame. She knew he was likely preparing with Ontari. And more than anything else, she knew Roan was right, that Titus would have no choice but to accept Ontari as the newest commander. This was her one chance to take the flame, to ensure that Ontari could never be the true commander. She didn't have the strength to destroy it- not the last living piece of Lexa- but she could ensure that this last piece of Lexa was not corrupted by Ontari. And, while it occurred to her that she was doing this to protect her people, she was also doing this to protect Lexa as well.
She opened the doors, closing them softly and rushing over to the pod. She grabbed the case she'd watched Titus put the flame in and opened it. The cloth that said commander, what appeared to be a uniform of some kind, sat inside it. So she grabbed it, ready to protect this.
"You killed her," Titus said, stepping out of the shadows, "I pulled the trigger, but it was you."
"Titus. You made Lexa a promise, remember?" her life depended on her convincing Titus to allow her to take this. She didn't want to die. Not today. Not for many years.
"Give me the kit."
"I know you don't want Ontari to get the flame. She murdered those kids, children you raised. Lexa's spirit would never choose to do something like that," She knew how desperate she sounded, her backing up as Titus moved towards her.
"Yes, she did."
"You don't believe that," Clarke thought of beautiful, brave Lexa, who she knew would never kill children in their sleep. Lexa, who despite everything, was kind and good, the very best of them all.
"I have to. Ontari kom Azgeda is the last Natblida."
"Then put the damn thing in someone else!" Titus pushed her away, grabbing the cloth from her as he closed in.
"You stupid girl!" he yelled at her, "After all you witnessed here, you still think this is just superstition?" He only got closer, pinning her against an altar, "When someone without the blood takes the flame, the flame takes their life."
"I don't understand," she whispered, "If nightblood is so rare, then why do you let them kill each other. That has to be the dumbest succession plan I have-"
Titus's hand was on her neck, and she choked on a gasp.
"We honor those who have died in the conclave," he told her angrily, glaring at her as if challenging her to continue.
"Wait," she realized, "The eighth circle. Lexa had markings on her back for every life she took at her conclave. Seven circles. Only she told me there were eight novitiates in her class. What happened to number eight? There's another natblida, isn't there?"
"Yes," he admitted carefully, "She fled. She was a coward and a traitor to the blood. Lexa refused to let me hunt her down. She's unworthy of the flame.
"More unworthy than Ontari?" she asked him in response. Outside the door, she could hear distant shouts from Ontari. She was running out of time, "She's coming."
"Hide," he commanded. She scrambled out of sight, wanting nothing more than to scream, fight, do whatever it took to destroy this newest threat to her people. Do whatever it took to destroy Ontari. But Ontari had been trained her whole life to fight, and Clarke knew she had no chance of beating the girl.
"Let's get this over with," the girl said.
"You must be cleansed before you ascend," he told her, and Clarke was horrified, though unsurprised, to notice she was still covered in the blood of the children she had killed. Had she no shame? Likely not, "If you begin heading to the commander's chamber, I will be up in a moment to perform the ritual."
For a moment, Clarke wondered if Ontari would insist that Titus go with her now. Surely the fact that he had told her to hide meant that he agreed, but would she be able to get more information from him? Would he flee with her, help her find the mysterious last nightblood. But the girl walked away, apparently trusting that Titus would do his duty.
"Thank you," she told him, emerging from her hiding space. He looked at her, really looked at her, and nodded in ascent.
"Even Luna would be better than her," he admitted. She had a flash of recognition. Luna? That was a familiar name. Once, a lifetime ago, Lincoln had told them of Luna. He'd been sure that she would take Skaikru in, help them survive.
"Wait, did you just say Luna?" she asked him, wondering if she had misheard.
"Yes. You heard the name before?"
"From my friend Lincoln."
"Can you find her?" She nodded, "Then perhaps the spirit hasn't chosen one, after all."
"I'll take you to him."
"Luna will never allow me near her," he realized. He looked down at the kit, then reached towards her forehead, holding his fingers there for a moment in a move that was obviously very significant. He reached out with the kit next, "This is yours now."
She grabbed it gently, delicately. She was acutely aware of how important this was, and she had no doubt of the trust Titus was placing in her by allowing her this, "I'll protect it with my life."
"There's a book inside. It's the journal of the first commander. When you find Luna, you'll need it to perform this ancient ritual. Come," he began walking, and she followed, "Armor of past commanders. Choose something. Take the hidden passage. The tunnel will lead you to the stable. They're expecting you. And remember, Clarke, your duty is to the flame now. Fleimkeepa."
