Chapter 22: Christmas Day and uncommon dates
(Hikigaya Komachi POV)
Finally, Christmas Day has come.
It's a day where everyone is supposed to have fun, yet the first thing Komachi gets to see on this wonderful day is a mood-killing scenario.
"Are you seriously going to go on a date with Yukino-san wearing that, Oji-chan?" Komachi asked.
Of all the clothes he picked up to wear for a date, he picked a Sobu High uniform. Of. All. Clothes.
"It's not like I'm going to take her to a place like Angel Ladder or anything. Also, knowing Yukinoshita, any clothes I choose to wear bar nudity won't be as mattered as my eyes anyway." said Oji-chan.
(A/N: Except Hachiman, Hachiju and Hassen, everyone's clothing is the same as the ones they wore during the Christmas Day)
Komachi was about to tell him to put some glasses on if his eyes are that much of a bother but give up anyway as she realized that he would look like her other two bastard uncles if he did.
"Also, please do not misinterpret 'hang out' as 'date'. It's totally different." mentioned Oji-chan.
"Urk. You're really their brother, Oji-chan." Komachi said.
"Whatever, see you later Komachi, I will try to not come back too late." said Oji-chan as he left.
The moment he left, Komachi could feel that dad is on cloud nine by now.
If it weren't for Oji-chan to get to experience youth like how normal adolescents should, she might not have turned blind at her dad's shameless reaction.
But Oji-chan, Komachi really can't think that the second half of your dating plan is necessary.
Hm? Komachi's phone vibrated?
It's a message from Oji-chan.
"Komachi, for the love of you, do not misinterpret 'hang out' as 'date'."
Oji-chan, for the love of you, don't pull bastard psychic uncles out at Komachi.
(Hikigaya Komachi POV Ended)
(Narrator POV, Sanshokuin Household)
After Meguri and Hina introduced their own boyfriend to their parents and the Sanshokuins' bar Sumireko, the four adolescents started happily chatting with each other in the living room alone as they had nothing else to do when the adults asked them to wait for Hachiju and Hassen to show up.
"I'm super nervous. I'm super nervous. I'm super nervous." said Tobe.
"Tobecchi. You've been here for thirty minutes already." said Hina.
"Tobe-kun is kinda funny, isn't he?" said Totsuka.
"Let's comfort him, shall we?" said Meguri.
However, their happy moment in this household is about to reach its end as the sound of the door getting knocked reaches Hina and Meguri's ears.
Both of the girls prayed to the god that none of the people who would show up wouldn't be the one they thought they were.
Although their engagement was officially canceled, Hina and Meguri's hearts are still traumatized by them.
Once the door opened and the adults came back to the living room, all the adolescents were awestruck at the arrival of four people.
"Yui?" said Hina.
"Isshiki-san?" said Meguri.
"Hikitani-kun? Two of him?!" said Tobe, genuinely surprised.
"No, Tobe-kun. They're not Hachiman." said Totsuka.
"Seriously, is it hard for teenagers these days to hold back their excitement and properly greet each other?" said Meguri's parents.
"Some of them do that, see?" said Hina's parents.
"Oh, look at the adorable cuties our sons brought along, dear." said Mrs. Sanshokuin, making Iroha and Yui blush.
Meguri stared at the two identical-faced boys in disbelief.
"For real? They're both having the same face as Hikigaya-kun. What's going on here?" thought Meguri, confusingly.
"Of all people, that Sanshokuin Hassen who hurt Ebina-san, shared the same face as Hikitani bro, I have mixed feelings about this." thought Tobe.
It's debatable since up until now, only Totsuka and Hina knew that the twins shared the same face as Hachiman.
"What am I even seeing? Yui is with this guy of all people." thought Hina.
Just the sight of her friend together with her enemy makes her traumatized heart getting worse.
"Didn't expect you two to bring one here for real, sons, especially when you don't need to for today. Who are they?" asked Mr. Sanshokuin.
"She's Isshiki Iroha." said Hachiju, pointed at Iroha.
"She's Yuigahama Yui." said Hassen, pointed at Yui.
And that's the end of the introductions in which Sanshokuin siblings earned glares from the girls they brought home.
The sighes escaped from both Mr. and Mrs. Sanshokuin as if to say 'we're both morons to expect more from these two'.
"Nice to meet you, Isshiki Iroha-chan, Yuigahama Yui-chan. I'm Mr./Mrs. Sanshokuin, the parents of these twins. Thank you for put up wi— never mind. Let's have some lunch, it's our treat." said Mr. and Mrs. Sanshokuin.
"Even their parents are well aware of how bad they are, huh?" thought Iroha and Yui.
After everyone had their stomachs full of lunch, Hina voiced her desire.
"C-Can we called it a day, mom, dad?" asked Hina.
"R-Right, all of us fulfilled the engagement breakup condition so…" added Meguri.
As the parents of Hina and Meguri were about to protest considering it's rude for their children to say such things, Hachiju raised his hand to stop them.
"I don't mind at all. They're all looking forward to have fun on this day so much, I think it would be a real torture for them to be kept here. And since their business here is technically over so it's better to give them more time to entertain themselves, especially the traumatized ex-student council president, don't you think?" said Hachiju.
Meguri wanted to voice her reason to be traumatized but chose to avoid conflict so she went mute.
"Hachiju and I don't mind for a bit longer just to not disturb them so please consider." said Hassen.
Totsuka, Tobe and the parents of Hina and Meguri were so delighted by the twins' speeches that they thought the twins were such good guys for a moment.
The rest, on the other hand, could tell that the twins really don't mean it and just said that for their own convenience.
Both Hina and Meguri begrudgingly agreed with the twins and prepared to leave with their boyfriend.
"I bless you guys have fun, Shiromeguri-san, Totsuka-kun. Make sure to not let your past trauma troubled you." said Hachiju.
"Yes, thank you Sanshokuin-kun. Please make sure you're not making Isshiki-san sad, okay?" replied Meguri, sarcastically.
"I bless you guys to have fun too, Ebina-san and er… George Takei?" said Hassen.
"It's Tobe. Tobe Kakeru. It's not cool to mistake other people's names, y'know?" replied Tobe.
"That's rich coming from a guy who keeps misspelling Hikigaya as Hikitani all the time." retorted Hassen.
"Eh? Is that true?" said Tobe, switching his attention to Yui.
The moment Yui nodded, Tobe suddenly felt guilty bottled up in him.
"Aw man. No wonder why he's so unfriendly with us, right? Ebina-san?" asked Tobe.
Everyone decided to let that question left unanswered considering how stupid his mindset is.
"That's aside. Aren't you glad your wish comes true?" asked Hassen.
"Eh? Uh? I'm glad, Ahahaha…" said Tobe with a small laugh to cover his shyness.
After Hina and Meguri left with their parents and boyfriend, Mr. and Mrs. Sanshokuin decided to leave their sons alone with the girls they brought with them so they could eavesdrop on them as they thought this is the best way to elaborate the relationship between their sons and those girls.
The conversation started with Iroha rubbing her left ear.
"Senpai is such an unbelievable butthole!" said Iroha.
"You know you're being bitchier than usual today, and not in a hot way." replied Hachiju.
"You bit me in the ear!" said Iroha.
"You pushed me down on the ground, you olfactophilia." said Hachiju.
"You bit my ear!" said Iroha, pouting.
"That's because you pushed me on the ground first. And do I even need to remind you that not only that was the second time you did that but also thanks to you that the club president and her *friend* snatched away the victory in searching for Hachiman from among the three of us so just take it that you're deserved it and stop moaning." said Hachiju.
Although it's not the right thing to say that it's entirely because of Iroha that Yukino and Yui were able to see through the Paper Shuffle play, she did give away the final hint to the real Hachiman to them unintentionally.
Even with such strong determination, Yui still arrived at the appointed destination later than Yukino, followed by the unpunctual Iroha.
After that, three Hachimans appeared and approached them.
Even though Yui had done her homework about them until the day before, she couldn't even tell the three of them apart, no matter how much she inspected them.
Yukino, on the other hand, despite isn't aware of the twins' deal which was told to Yui, doesn't believe that the twins will let things easy on her especially when Hachiman is involved so she also did homework about them too.
Unlike Yui, Yukino was at least able to differentiate Hassen out of the three through the amount of his sweat obviously much less than Hachiju and Hassen.
However, Hachiju's act is far better than Hassen to the point that he could copy Hachiman's voice and movements with close-to-none differences.
As Yukino was about to try her luck and pointed her finger at one of Hachimans, Iroha's impatience reached its peak as she approached the unpicked Hachiman and pushed him down on the ground.
Entering shameless mode, Iroha buried her face onto the chest of the boy she pushed down and confirmed that he's Hachiju through his scent which she was familiar with.
As a result, it's undeniable to say that Yukino did pick out the real Hachiman out of three which made the twins lose.
Although Hachiju was even bothered by him losing the deal, the weight of his shameless girlfriend figure couldn't be tolerated for long, especially when she had a nerve to tease him in that position so he bit her ear and got her off of him.
"Indeed, even the airhead social butterfly beside me knew how to hold back." said Hassen.
"It's you who has to hold back from adding unnecessary insults to people you referred to!" retorted Yui.
"So you're saying that Hachiju, Hachiman, your beloved Yukinon and others bar me are all fine doing that?" said Hassen.
"Not at all. Also, have you forgotten your promise that you won't mess with me and Yukinon when you've lost?" said Yui.
"I don't think 'praising' means 'messing'." retorted Hassen.
"Praises won't have any insults within." retorted Yui.
"Tell that to your beloved Yukinon. Also, at this point I took back my praises." said Hassen.
"Like I said, that's not the praise!" said Yui.
"Suddenly starting to get bored being your manshield." said Hassen.
This time Yui went silent herself as she thought back to the incident before she's here.
The moment the twins' loss was realized, Yui demanded the twins to keep their promises and decided to go back.
The twins wouldn't mind, but they gave her the idea to consider if she should just go back like that and pointed out to a certain group of people.
The group of four familiar people: Hayama Hayato, Miura Yumiko, Ooka and Yamato.
Yui has told them she has an appointment with someone else during the Christmas Day and she would be seen as a big liar if headed back home for now.
So as reluctant as she was, she begged Hassen to be her manshield.
Seeing that Yui resorted to him and not Hachiman despite there's nothing stopping her from doing that and taking advantage of Hachiman's kindness to snatch Hachiman away like a villainess, Hassen allowed her to use him but she has to be his Christmas partner just for today in return.
At first Yui protested despite being the one who was begging, but after knowing that her promise only protected her and Yukino but not any of her friends, and one of them (Ebina Hina) is currently in Hassen's house, so she gave in reluctantly in order to protect her friend.
"Sorry." reluctantly said Yui.
Even though the promise of not messing was still active, Yui still found herself being messed with.
As for Hassen, it's not making that much difference even if Yui didn't agree to be his Christmas partner since there's something called Rental Girlfriend that can fill her part just by paying the rental fees anyway.
"How cunning you two could be, I wonder?" quietly muttered Iroha and Yui.
However, their muttering is still audible enough to be heard anyway.
"Want to know?" asked Mr. and Mrs. Sanshokuin as they popped out from their hideout.
Both Iroha and Yui flinched.
"Y-You two heard all of that?" said Iroha and Yui in panic.
"Of course they are." said Hassen.
"Then why didn't you tell us sooner!?" whined Iroha.
"First, you started it. Two, neither you nor Yuigahama asked about it. Lastly, it's your fault making assumptions that we're all alone here." said Hachiju.
"These smart-ass kids, I swear." sighed Mr. Sanshokuin.
"Even though they're all looking like two bickering couples just a minute ago." sighed Mrs. Sanshokuin.
"How so?" said Yuigahama.
Both boys are already out of a damn to give about their mother's latest comment while Iroha welcomes it, leaving Yui the only one who voices her protest.
"Hachiman and the club president were also like this in their early days and you also gave them the similar opinion as my mother's so I seriously beg you to differ." said Hassen.
"That's…!" said Yui but no more words came out.
"Look like someone's world of reasons about to be broken, just like her heart this morning." said Hassen, which earned 'you better remember this' teary glare from Yui.
"Suddenly feels like a real moron hoping that your popular phase has come, sons." sighed Mrs. Sanshokuin.
"And we were glad we didn't need to make more extra explanations about our relationships." said Hachiju and Hassen.
"Too bad, I signed your paychecks, elaborate yourselves." said Mr. Sanshokuin.
"I am Isshiki Iroha's boyfriend. Nothing more, nothing less." said Hachiju, deadpanned.
"This girl right here is here only to serve as the means for a white knight for her friends. But her reason to be with me today is already explained enough during your eavesdropping, I believe. " said Hassen, deadpanned pointing at Yui.
"Well, I felt bad for the girls you two brought here, especially the younger one." said Mrs. Sanshokuin as she bowed at the two girls causing them to panic and asked for her to quit bowing to them.
To others, it seems like nothing is wrong with Hachiju's answer but there is.
The fact that he only stated what he is to her but not what she is to him strongly indicates that he doesn't see her that way even though Iroha does, and it is even more cruel that he said that so naturally.
"I knew that Senpai really meant it but it's justifiable. After all, it's a fact that I fell for him despite only knowing just a little of who he is. So I'm going to fix that today." said Iroha with serious tones and determined eyes.
Although she couldn't afford to say 'He's actually a nice guy after you get to know him' without puking, she could say she definitely has feelings for him.
After all, to Iroha, ever since the day she's saved by Hachiju, despite his unbelievable cruelty and how much of a maiden's heart crusher he is, her interest in him increased, and at some point, after observing him for a long while, other boys including Hayama Hayato became as plain as pebbles to her so she became convinced it's love.
Both the adults widened their eyes in disbelief which turned amazement afterward.
"If that's the case then good luck, Isshiki-san." said Mrs. Sanshokuin.
"By the way, Yuigahama-san, what's with 'manshield'?" said Mr. Sanshokuin.
"Eh? Um… the thing is…" said Yui but went silent afterward.
Knowing how smartass his rebellious son is, Mr. Sanshokuin has to ask Hassen to speak on her behalf directly, otherwise Hassen would remain silent as well.
"She's liked by her friend and gets asked to go out together on Christmas Day but she can't accept his feelings since she is already head-over-heels for someone else so she told him that she had appointments for today in order to politely decline his invitation. Well, she wasn't lying about that, it's just she has reasons why can't be unoccupied just yet even after being heartbroken." said Hassen.
"HMUMPHM?!" embarrassingly screamed Yui (at 'head-over-heel', 'unoccupied' and 'heartbroken' parts), with her voice muffled by Hassen's hand blocking her mouth.
"I can't buy the fact that she picked you of all people as her shield or the fact that you accept being one for her, unless…" said Mrs. Sanshokuin.
"I believe my pure face says it all from the start." replied Hassen.
"So your little bro- I mean your cousin is the one Yuigahama-san head-over-heels for, huh?" said Mr. Sanshokuin, genuinely surprised.
"I believe her current agony just says it all." said Hassen while blocking Yui's mouth and making a 'you don't say' face.
There's no need for further explanation since both the adults can guess the rest as both of them can comprehend Yui's feelings just from that.
"However, since you three have the same face, won't it make people around your cousin think he's two-timing?" asked Mrs. Sanshokuin.
"Nope, since Hachiman himself also got a Christmas partner to go out with today as well so he won't be seen as two-timer." said Hassen, releasing Yui from his hand.
"That makes him a three-timer and it's even worse!" said both adults and both girls in unison.
"It pains me to say this but listen up. Given how people used to think of him at face-value, can you really think the guy with this face hanging out with the girl would always be seen as a pure, innocent couple just because there's no other couples whose boy's faces are similar to his around there?" asked Hachiju, pointing at his own face as a whole.
Aside from the twins, everyone was at a loss of words.
It's not like no one wanted to give the Hachiju any retorts, but they were all dumbfounded at how he could say all that like it is the most natural thing to do.
"It's a good thing that your cousin isn't here, otherwise whoever he's dating might've changed her mind afterward." muttered Mr. Sanshokuin.
"Knowing him, he is probably discussing what might happen here with her somewhere else right now. And if that's all it took for them to part away then he won't even show up today to begin with. Also, dating, you say? Making a lot of assumptions here." said Hachiju.
Both adults are now suffering from a tragic case of headache upon hearing that answer.
"Time's up. The business here is already over so we will go back to spend our Christmas outside. Not to mention that the girl I brought totally couldn't wait to check out her best friend any longer." said Hassen.
"Well then, see you later, dad, mom. Please excuse us." said Hachiju.
"It's amazing that you two still have the mood to do that, or at all in the first place." muttered both adults.
"Is that your regard you wanted us to give him?" asked Hachiju.
"No, just a regular one, please." said both adults, annoyed by their kid's smartassness.
"Whatever, we're going to Destinyland for a few hours so make sure to text us if there's something Sumireko wants there." said Hassen.
"These twin siscons." murmured both adults.
A few minutes after the four teenagers left Sanshokuin Household, they arrived at Destinyland.
(Narrator POV Ended)
(Yukinoshita Yukino POV)
"We actually spent some hours discussing what's going on with Yuigahama-san and Isshiki-san, didn't we?" I said.
"It all started with me answering your worries. But if it weren't for that, we might actually spend hours on either nitpicking each other or dead air for real." said Hikigaya-kun.
Agreeable. We're alone with each other yet we talked about others the whole time.
"But how are you so sure about all that?" I asked.
"I really don't want to resort to such reasons but it appears that the three of us know each other way too well ever since childhood." explained Hikigaya-kun.
"I don't think that's what cousins are." I retorted.
"I will save the elaboration later since I think it's time we should get back on track. How about visiting Pan-san at Destinyland next?" asked Hikigaya-kun.
"Hmph. Although it's annoying that you've come up with such an idea because you're too lazy to think of something else and wanted to avoid answering that, I will play along." I replied, headed to Destinyland.
"Of course you definitely will, Ms. Pan-san's obsessive apostle." muttered Hikigaya-kun.
"Did you say something?" I asked.
"Nothing much. I just wondered what would everyone do when they've arrived at Destinyland besides running around there like a jackass saying—" excused Hikigaya-kun.
"Yahallo." said Nee-san, interrupted Hikigaya-kun's excuse.
Suddenly, Nee-san and a guy I'm not sure I knew greeted me and Hikigaya-kun as we arrived at Destinyland.
"I'm about to say 'Merry Christmas?' but that's too." muttered Hikigaya-kun.
That makes sense for some reason.
(Yukinoshita Yukino POV Ended)
A/N: Chapter 22 for you readers, please enjoy.
