Sorry this took a while. I hope you enjoy this new chapter!
Trigger Warning: This chapter includes a part referencing Sonic's traumas from being imprisoned on the Death Egg during Forces, specifically the part where he was raped by Infinite.
NOTE: I own nothing here. All Sonic characters belong to Sega.
Chapter 16: Going on Autopilot
"Do you need anything? Water? I've got some chili dogs I can heat up in the microwave?"
"I'm fine."
"Oh! Wait, I think we got mac n' cheese if you want something different…"
"Tails, I'm fine."
Tails sighed, his twin tails twirling behind him, looking at his big brother sitting on the couch. Sonic's eyes stared straight ahead at the TV screen. Some 2000s teen sitcom was playing but the blue hedgehog didn't seem to be really watching the show. Ears drooping and expression blank, Sonic lay on his side and let out a soft sigh. Tails sat next to him and stared at the carpeted floor, twiddling his thumbs. The sitcom played in the background but did little to dispel the tension in the air.
'He's been like this since we got back from Vanilla and Cream's house…' Tails thought, glancing at his brother.
When Sonic woke up from his nap and went downstairs with Shadow, Vector had made a beeline towards him. The leader of The Chaotix had thrown himself at Sonic's feet, begging for forgiveness. Charmy had joined him, blubbering that it was all his fault since Vector had been chasing him before the incident happened.
Sonic had been quick to forgive them, saying that it was an accident. Vanilla served them calming herbal tea and gave them about an hour of quiet time. Then, with Espio, Vector, and Gemerl taking Cream, Cheese, Chocola, and Charmy outside to play, the mother rabbit decided to ask Sonic if he'd talked about the trauma associated with Infinite to his psychiatrist. When Sonic shook his head, Vanilla asked him if he would be willing to, at the very least, go to the doctor in order to be tested for any possible STDs.
"Just to make sure, sweetie. We have to find out as soon as possible," Vanilla reasoned with him.
Sonic bit his lip, looking down at his now-empty teacup. After a moment, he lifted his head up and, in a small voice, asked, "Will you go with me, Mama?"
"Of course, dear. And don't worry. There's nothing to be afraid of," Vanilla said warmly.
With Sonic's okay, Tails called up the hospital to set an appointment before he and Sonic left the Rabbit Family's home with Shadow as their escort. Vanilla gave them cookies and told them that she and Cream would get their guest rooms ready. If they ever needed her or a new place to stay, they were free to come back anytime. Their door will always be open to the two of them.
'That was really generous of Ms. Vanilla. Maybe Sonic and I should stay with her and Cream for a while… at least until the rebuilding is complete. It'd be nice… having a mom like her. Sonic's already calling her 'Mama' so maybe it'll be okay if I call her that, too… I wonder if Vanil… Mama. I wonder if Mama will be okay with me parking the Tornado near her house… Probably better to find a spot in Floral Forest that could be used as an airstrip…' Tails wondered as he remembered the mother rabbit's invitation.
"Do you think I'm dirty?"
Tails snapped out of his musings, looking at Sonic who was now sitting up, knees drawn up to his chest. The hedgehog's eyes were downcast as he asked again. "Do you think I'm dirty, Tails? B-because of what In… I-Infinite did?"
Tails removed his shoes and walked on bent knees to get to Sonic. Once he was right next to him, Tails gently placed his hands on his brother's shoulders. "You're not dirty, Sonic. What Infinite did to you? That was dirty. But don't ever think you're dirty because of what he did," he said firmly.
Sonic's lips trembled and Tails knew that he was trying really hard not to cry. "It's okay…" he said softly, wrapping his arms and twin tails around his brother's trembling form. "It's okay to cry…"
He felt Sonic rest his head against his shoulder and heard a soft choking sound followed by a few sniffles. They stayed like that for a long while until the sitcom playing on the TV had ended and a new program was already halfway through.
Sonic managed to calm down so he could drink some water. Rubbing his swollen eyes, he decided to just tell Tails what had been stewing in his mind ever since they left Floral Forest Village.
TRIGGER WARNING STARTS HERE
"The first time he did it… It was definitely real. The second, third, and fourth… I didn't know if it really happened or… or if he was just using his illusions on me. It always hurt. Just so much pain every time… But I don't know if it was real or if it was just my mind betraying me. But it hurt, Tails. All those times… they hurt. They hurt so much. A-and I can still feel him… I can still feel his hands roaming all over my body and I want to throw up but I can't…" he whispered, holding his head in his hands.
Tails felt like he wanted to throw up himself but he steeled his gut. Instead of nausea, he let righteous fury well up inside of him. 'I am going to build the most effective weapon against Infinite. And if he ever shows his face again, I am going to use it on him and make sure that it causes him quadruple the pain he made Sonic endure. And when he is dead, I am going to light his body on fire and watch it burn. Then I will dip his ashes in oil and burn them again,' he swore to himself.
TRIGGER WARNING ENDS HERE
Taking a few deep breaths so as not to lose his cool, Tails hugged Sonic. "I won't let him hurt you again, Sonic. If Infinite's still out there, we'll protect you. Me, Knuckles, Amy, Shadow, and everyone else. We won't let him get near you. He'll never hurt you again," he promised. He then glanced at the TV then back at Sonic.
"Do you… still want to talk about this or do you want to watch something?"
Sonic took a shuddery breath and mumbled, "Do we still have that DVD of Chao in Space?"
Tails smiled. "Yup. Want popcorn and grape soda?" he asked.
"Don't forget your mint candy," Sonic added, managing a tiny, fragile, smile.
After a few minutes to get their snacks ready, the brothers settled down on the couch. And, for a few hours, it was like old times – the two of them having fun watching a movie together while consuming large amounts of popcorn, candy, and soda that they would later regret consuming. Tails relaxed, cuddling into Sonic's side, allowing himself to be a kid and enjoy the colorful space adventure starring a bunch of adorable Chao. He checked in on Sonic every now and then, relieved to see that Sonic was smiling a little as he watched.
He hoped that Sonic would someday be able to smile widely again… and that he and the others would hear him laugh again.
It was an hour to midnight when the movie ended. Yawning, Tails turned off the TV and got up from the couch. "Time to go to bed…" he mumbled, stretching.
Sonic nodded then shyly looked at his little brother, swinging his legs back and forth. "Can… Can I stay with you tonight, buddy?" he asked.
"Sure thing, Sonic," Tails replied immediately. This was Sonic's first night home after spending a month in the hospital and he wanted to stay close to his older brother.
After brushing their teeth, Sonic and Tails went to bed.
"This takes me back…" Sonic smiled wistfully as Tails lay down on one side of his bed. "Remember how we used to sleep in the same bed? I had to make sure that I was always facing you so you wouldn't roll into my quills," he murmured as he settled next to Tails, covering them both with a blanket.
"Good thing you now know how to keep your quills relaxed while sleeping," Tails said jokingly. He yawned then looked at Sonic, whose eyes were drooping. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly.
Sonic shrugged. "I guess so. Night, Tails…" he mumbled, closing his eyes.
"Goodnight, Sonic," Tails whispered, also closing his eyes. Within minutes, the two brothers were asleep.
Tails wasn't sure what time it was when he woke up. But that didn't matter to him. Not when Sonic was writhing next to him, whimpering. The blue hedgehog was tossing and turning in bed, cold sweat beading his forehead, and weak cries escaped his lips.
"P-please… Don't go… I'm sorry… Tails, please… Tails, please…" Sonic whispered, tears squeezing out of his closed eyelids.
Tails sighed and carefully wrapped his arms around Sonic's midsection. Tears sprang to his eyes as Sonic continued to cry and whimper.
"Please don't leave me…" Sonic wept as he shook in his brother's arms.
"I won't leave you…" Tails whispered as he held his big brother close, gently petting Sonic's quills. "I'll never leave you, Sonic. I promise."
"Why are we printing out all these news reports on Christmas Island again?" Charmy watched The Chaotix Detective Agency's office printer work overtime.
"Research," Espio answered as he sorted the articles. Christmas Island was pretty isolated and news about it rarely reached the mainland. Even Seaside Island – which barely had anything news-worthy – was more known thanks to its TV station sharing shows like Comedy Chimp and Bro-Down Showdown on national air.
What little coverage on Christmas Island was made focused mainly on its reputation for having high-quality pine trees that were exported to different parts of Mobius for Christmas trees or construction. But if one did a little digging, articles reporting about an entirely different subject could be unearthed.
Reports about a mysterious fire that killed an elderly lady, her daughter, and her granddaughter at Christmas Island almost six years ago were spotty. But all reports noted how strange it was that the village's fire department had failed to put it out. There was no mention of the victims' names or any words from the villagers about the incident.
Espio looked out the window and saw Vector on the phone, looking pensive. If his partner could get the help they needed, then The Chaotix would be able to reopen the case… and justice would finally be served.
"Didn't Sonic already forgive the people at Christmas Island?" Charmy asked, taking the last printed article out of the printer's tray. "Don't you think it's kinda, I dunno, petty to sue them?"
"Remember what Knuckles told us about their mission on Christmas Island a few years ago? Sonic never truly forgave them for what they did to Fatima and her family. On top of that, those people physically and verbally attacked him when he was a child. This is a kind of case that cannot be brushed aside, Charmy. Justice must be sought after. We're not seeking to ruin these people's lives, however. What we are instead asking for is a formal apology and compensation for all the years of torment Sonic had endured living with those people," Espio explained as he put away all of the articles in a folder.
"If we're going to the island ourselves, then I've got a lot of things that I'm gonna say to those jerks," Charmy frowned, hovering over the chameleon's shoulder.
"I'm sure you do." Espio smiled knowingly.
Five minutes later, Vector came in looking dejected. "Yeah, so… bad news. The lawyer I called up told me that the statute of limitations for the Christmas Island fire case has already passed. And even if we wanted to indict the villagers for causing Sonic any kind of distress, we'd need compelling evidence… which would mean asking Sonic to testify against them," he told his team.
"And Chaos knows that doing that would cause further damage to his mental health," Espio sighed. Looks like they weren't going to be able to give Sonic any concrete form of help…
Charmy buzzed around the office, eyes trained to the floor, deep in thought. "Maybe we can still ask them for an apology," he said.
Vector and Espio looked at him, and Charmy fiddled with his right antenna as he thought of the right words to say.
"I don't think Sonic would want us making a huge deal about Christmas Island. And what if big-time reporters hear about this? They'll ask a lot of questions and Sonic would get really stressed out, then he'll get even more depressed. But maybe we can still go to Christmas Island. Just the three of us and maybe one or two people who went with Sonic to Christmas Island during Eggman's attack there. We'll have a witness or witnesses who were there when Sonic called the villagers out on all their crimes. Then those villagers will know that they can't deny anything. Sure, it's not going to be as much as a formal apology the court knows about and the added compensation… whatever compensation means… But I think a heartfelt apology letter from the villagers would still mean something to Sonic, right?" Charmy suggested.
After taking a minute to let their youngest member's words sink in, Vector and Espio both smiled and went over to the young bee to pat him on the head.
"Wise words often come from the mouths of children," Espio remarked, smiling proudly.
"That's a great plan, kid. And thanks for pointing out that our original plan posed some risks," Vector praised Charmy, who blushed and giggled. Taking out his phone again, Vector scrolled through his contacts list. If he and his team were going to bring along some witnesses with them to Christmas Island, it would certainly help if said witnesses were able to convince the villagers of Christmas Island to confess to their crimes.
Luckily, he knew just the trio for the job.
Amy looked up from her cup of tea and saw Sonic forlornly looking out the window near the dining area. It was a warm and sunny day outside, perfect for gardening. Sonic was dressed in a navy blue hoodie – an outfit he'd been wearing for most of the week ever since Vanilla and Tails had taken him to the hospital to be tested for STDs. Amy wished she could have been there but her duties as the Restoration's chief organizer had kept her busy. Tails, however, had given her a status update. A new schedule was set up for Sonic's visits to Dr. Amaya – twice a week instead of twice a month – to help him process his trauma of being raped. New prescriptions added to his medication and the brothers had gotten in touch with a support group Sonic could attend if he wanted to and when he was ready.
But it seemed as if Sonic barely registered anyone's efforts to help him now. What little smiles he'd managed to make the past month had vanished, his expression adopting a default wooden one. Not happy, not sad… just there. On top of that, Sonic barely went outside these days, opting to just stay in his room.
The only reason why he went over to Amy's for lunch was that Tails had convinced him to do so. And here they were, having just finished lunch that Amy had lovingly cooked for them. Tails kept switching his focus from exchanging worried glances with Amy to watching Sonic's facial expressions.
After about five minutes of noting no changes at all in The Blue Blur's expression, Amy drank the rest of her tea before declaring, "I need to do some gardening. Sonic, Tails, do you want to help me?"
"That sounds great, Amy. What do you think, Sonic?" Tails turned to his brother.
Sonic blinked, tearing his gaze away from the window. "Huh? What?" he mumbled then his eyes looked down at his shoes. "Sorry. I-I didn't hear what you said…" he apologized softly.
Amy smiled gently at him. "It's alright, Sonic. I was asking if you and Tails wanted to help me in the garden," she said.
To her and Tails' relief, Sonic's wooden expression slowly changed into one of surprise. "I… I can help you with something?" he asked, sounding almost as if he couldn't believe it.
At Sonic's question, Amy felt her heart twist in pain. Ever since he woke up from his coma, Sonic had started doubting his ability to help people. His confidence was at rock bottom and it would be quite an uphill climb for her and the others to help restore it.
'But we're never giving up. One way or another, we'll get Sonic believing in himself again,' Amy swore to herself and gave the blue hedgehog her brightest smile. "Of course you can! I'd be happy to have some help in the garden," she told Sonic, who nodded slightly.
After the dishes had been washed and put away, Amy lent Sonic and Tails two pairs of gardener's gloves and gardening aprons and led them outside.
Amy's garden was behind her house and was encircled by a low stone wall. An apple tree grew in one corner, its branches shading a small vegetable patch where Amy was growing tomatoes. Filling up the rest of the garden were flowerbeds and a pair of rosebushes.
Tails was assigned to tending to the vegetable patch while Sonic and Amy worked on the flowerbeds.
"It feels so good to be doing something other than paperwork…" Amy sighed in contentment as she carefully turned the soil over with her trowel.
Sonic looked at her carefully as he pulled out weeds that had sprung up around Amy's rosebushes. "You know… if you're getting tired of leading the Restoration, maybe you should get someone to replace you," he suggested.
"I've been considering that, actually. Jewel's been taking over more of my responsibilities at HQ. I'll give her a trial week soon. If she can handle managing things for a week, I'll ask her if she wants to take over as the Restoration's commander-in-chief. If she decides to come to me and ask, even better," Amy replied as she moved on to trimming wayward branches from one rosebush.
Sonic picked up a watering can and moved to the flowerbeds. As he watered the flowers, he marveled at how they were growing so quickly and beautifully. Three months ago, he'd had to watch flowers like these get covered in cold metal that robbed them of their life and beauty.
'All because of you,' his mind hissed at him.
Shaking his head, Sonic focused his attention on watering the plants. He hoped his little contribution would help Amy. She already had to shoulder so many burdens…
"Hey, Ames?"
Amy placed the thorny branches she'd cut from the rosebush and looked at Sonic. "Yeah?"
"Is there anything I can do to help you? You know, back at Restoration HQ?" Sonic asked hopefully.
"Oh! Well, um…" Amy brushed dirt onto her apron. "The thing is Sonic, we've already got a lot of volunteers joining to help us in rebuilding," she said as Tails approached them, the two-tailed fox carrying a small basket filled with weeds and dead leaves.
"Oh…" Sonic visibly deflated. "I see…" he mumbled.
Amy and Tails glanced at each other, wondering what to do. Then Tails asked, "We'll see if there's something you can do at HQ. But… Sonic, are you sure? You know you can take it easy, right?"
Sonic's ears flattened against his skull. "I've been cooped up in a hospital for a month, buddy. I just… I just feel like I need to do something. Anything to…" he sighed. "Yeah, you're right. I… I need to take it easy. Take care of my mental health and avoid stress. I'm sorry. You can forget about what I said two minutes ago," he said before walking away to head to the other flowerbeds.
"I think I just made things worse…" Tails whispered fearfully, his twin tails swishing to his front where he nervously cuddled them.
"No, you didn't. You're looking out for him, Tails. That's what we're all trying to do, too," Amy reassured him, patting the kid on the head.
"He wants to help us. I know he does… But I'm worried that having him work with us at Restoration HQ will remind him of everything that's happened… and he'll feel guilty again," Tails admitted.
"I'm worried about that, too. But, hey, you did say that he's been cooping himself up indoors this entire week. Maybe it won't be a bad idea to bring him over to HQ and have him help out. We'll just have to keep a close eye on him while he's there… Make sure he doesn't get overwhelmed or… or try to hurt himself," Amy said haltingly, an image of Sonic standing on the ledge of a building flashing through her mind and making her swallow.
Tails nodded solemnly before his ears twitched. The fox turned away from Amy to look in the direction where Sonic had gone… only to find his brother missing.
"Sonic?" Tails called out, his heart threatening to leap into his throat when he didn't receive a reply. 'Could he have gone out on a run? W-we would have heard something! And he hasn't run in a month! How could he have just disappeared without either of us knowing?!' he mentally screamed before frantically looking at Amy, who had gone pale.
"Sonic?!" Amy shouted before she and Tails went to search the garden, the two of them calling out the blue hedgehog's name. But no matter where they looked, they couldn't find Sonic.
"Where could he be…?" Amy whispered to herself before noticing the apple tree growing in one corner of the garden. She rarely went to that part of her garden other than to harvest the apples in autumn. Approaching the tree, Amy noticed familiar red shoes sticking out from behind the tree.
Her heart stopped beating for a split second.
"Tails! He's behind the apple tree!" Amy alerted the yellow fox before running the rest of the way. Going around back, she found Sonic lying at the base of the apple tree with his arms tucked underneath him, his back facing the trunk. Sonic's eyes were open and, to Amy's relief, he was breathing at a steady pace.
"Sonic?" Amy approached the blue hedgehog carefully, taking care not to startle him. Once she was in front of Sonic, she slowly lowered herself to the ground until her face was a few inches away from the hero's.
"What's wrong?" Amy whispered, her jade eyes filled with worry. She heard footsteps and knew that Tails was there.
Sonic merely stared at the grass growing beneath him, the tiny blades brushing against his cheek. Then, after a long moment, his eyes met Amy's followed by Tails' and he whispered, "Sometimes, I wish I couldn't feel…"
Amy wished there was something she could say or do, but this was something she couldn't get rid of with just a few kind words of encouragement or taking out her Piko Piko Hammer. So, instead, she lay down on her back. "Okay… if you don't want to feel right now, that's okay. Tails and I will stay here with you until you want to feel again," she said, looking at Tails who nodded and lay down next to her.
"We're right here. We're not leaving you," Tails added.
When Sonic didn't say anything, they said nothing else.
After everything that's happened… they couldn't blame Sonic for feeling numb to everything.
Sometimes, they wished that they couldn't feel, too.
The title for this chapter… it's partially inspired by how I sometimes felt when I was struggling with depression a few years ago. There were times where I'd just lie in bed, wishing that I couldn't feel anything so I wouldn't have to face the difficult and sometimes messy process of getting myself into a better state – mentally, physically, and emotionally.
So I may have projected that aspect of my own experiences with depression onto Sonic in this chapter…
The next chapter is going to be a Team Sonic-centric one and it'll be more lighthearted, I promise. In the meantime, read and review!
-GuardianDragon98
