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I don't own anything related to Fate/stay night; this is a work of parody.
Act One: Magic
A bright mid-summer morning. It was July tenth, with only ten more days left of the first term.
I had just prepared tea for Dad, who has a variable wake-up routine. He either wakes up before everyone, at some time crazy like three, or he sleeps in until eleven. There is no in-between for that unless it's some sort of special occasion.
Today he slept in, so I had time to get breakfast ready for him whenever.
Well then. I might as well clean my room with the time I have.
Walking back to my room to clean my bed, I figure that there isn't much to clean in the first place.
"...Or so I think."
A nagging feeling in the back of my mind is telling me that something is wrong with this picture. It's a noise, one that promises trouble wherever it is heard.
"Grrrrrrrr." A growl echoes from my own room.
'Courage, Shirou.' Whatever it is that inhabits this room... you must confront it.
Sliding open the door to my room, I see the signs of something... horrible. Disastrous.
Boxes on top of boxes are stacked in my room, all that appeared seemingly out of where in the hour I had been in the kitchen. And the suspect doesn't even hide. Worse yet, they are bringing another box in from the hall.
Strange Friend (Music) /9kApyNf3nr4
The culprit's identity goes without saying. "Fuji-nee... what are you doing?"
"Huh? What do you mean, what am I doing?" She had a look of innocence as she piled box after box into my room.
"These boxes... why are you doing this?"
"Well, where else is it going to go?" She looked at me like I was the crazy one.
"Fuji-nee... I read at school about a certain disease known as 'hoarding'... I'm worried that you may be infected." As a cleaner, that's my natural enemy.
"Shirou, you understand, right?... A tiger needs all the warmth it can get when it hibernates in the winter! It's the summer now, so the price of blankets is the lowest they will be, so think, Shirou, think of how worth it this is!" Her tiger energy tries to wrap me into her insanity. I can resist it, however. I am the only one who has built u a true resistance to it.
Though it seems that her strength sometimes feels like it is increasing faster than mine.
"I don't think tigers hibernate... and my room isn't some cave. People don't hibernate, Fuji-nee... and if they did, those are too many blankets, you would overheat." All the logic I can muster, surely it's enough.
"That's too bad. I can't help but be a little envious; imagine if we could just lay in warmth for an entire winter..." A dreamy look came onto her face.
"I know you are worried about graduating, but that isn't an excuse to be slacking off."
"Ugh, you sound just like Grandfather. But don't worry, Shirou, I won't leave you behind, even if you don't believe it. Leave it your Onee-chan, on my watch, you will never run out of blankets! Think, Shirou! we could just sleep it all away..." Now it sounded like she was starting a cult.
If tigers did hibernate, then I'm pretty sure she would follow suit. Fortunately for me, they do not.
It's summer, so I'm hot enough as is... my mistake was trying to argue with Fuji-nee using reason. I bet she bought all of these, and when she explained her plan to old man Raiga, he dumped all of it on us to clean up. 'I cant exactly blame him that...'
'One home economics class, and this is how she ends up...' the least economical person in all of Fuyuki trying to understand cost-saving measures.
"Hahhhh..." I breathe a long sigh. I will clean up after you. "Why my room? You've already started to make the shed into a junkyard anyway."
"Ahh, I figured you would prefer it here." Taiga genuinely said.
"Me? It's Dad's house. Why don't you ever put it anywhere near him?"
"Well, I really respect Kiritsugu-san. I wouldn't do that to him." I agree with her. Dad deserves a lot more respect than me, as a true hero of justice and had of the house.
Even so...
"That still doesn't explain why you chose my room, out of any the house." There were a decent number of empty rooms, including the storehouse, which has already become Fuji-nee's unofficial junkyard.
"Hmm..." She went into thought as if to search for the right way to answer that. Then she says something strange, "...A cleaner needs a hoarder to defeat."
"...?" Something weird came out of her mouth. "That's.." not true. What's this weird logic she's coming up with. "...This isn't like some Angra Mainyu fairy tale story." You aren't some monster made to Justify out my heroic cleaning.
'That can't be it... not at all.' A weight had already formed in my core, though.
"Angry Miyu? what's that mean?" Her suspicious face confirmed that she really didn't know.
"Angra Mainyu. You don't know it? I thought everyone knew about it. It's probably a pretty common story." It has to be a common tale. Why else would I constantly be seeing dreams of it?
'That's a little weird, though.' I thought it was a tale, maybe... Am I really the only one seeing dreams like that?
...The hell that I lived through... I guess it can bring more than just flashbacks.
'Ugh...' just think about it brings up that fire into my mind, a feeling of queasiness throughout my body.
I shake off the bad feelings and move on.
"This all came from the Fujimura group, didn't it?" Her story of buying it all at a low price was probably still true, but when she told Raiga about it, I bet he facepalmed and told her to bring it somewhere else.
"...Maybe."
"Then you should help me. Let's bring it to the shed, shall we?" I finally cornered her. The sensation of catharsis after cleaning would soon be here.
"Hah, fine. The shed it is..." The victory is mine, Fuji-nee.
Creak
Behind me, I could hear a door sliding open. Dad had probably woken up and made it to the kitchen.
"Oh, wait! is that Kiritsugu I hear? I need to talk to him about my studies, bye!"
"Aah! Fuji-nee!" I tried to call out to her, but a cornered tiger is the most dangerous. She dashed out so fast that it seemed like the wind was helping her.
'You really do have the luck of the wind, Fuji-nee...' I never really have a chance when it comes to her.
(Music stop)
Needless to say, I ended up carrying all those blankets to the shed myself. It turned out that all but two of the boxes were empty; I can't say why but Fuji-nee must have thought they were full or something. I never brought that up again, mostly because mysterious junk continued to appear and disappear throughout the house.
...But out of the ordinary, cleaning today wasn't enough to calm down with... I was stuck brooding about the magic, a predicament that I needed to solve: bringing Mom back to the house.
Worries started to take hold of me. I just feel a little bad that I'm not doing my part fast enough; Mom would be really helpful to dad if she could be here. It's like I have an upcoming project that is due soon, but I don't have the details of how to do it nor the exact date that it is required. I couldn't accept the fact that we still hadn't saved either my sister or mother. I could accept that people were sad around me. I just couldn't accept that.
After dinner that very night, Dad and I had an important conversation.
Cool Wind (Music) /lzBbQd0_4wo
Sitting together on the front porch, we listen to the distant cries of the cicadas. They do not pierce the barrier of the household.
"You've seemed almost busy these days, Shirou."
"Yeah... I guess I kind of have been..." Every day is down to habit. Every part is some strict routine of mine.
"I'm glad you're a hard worker: Shirou." he sips on his black tea.
"...Your school, you are doing well?"
"Yeah, I keep up well enough." I do just enough. All of my true work goes into thinking about magic. I wouldn't want Dad to think that I'm slacking off, though.
"Made any... friends?" Kiritsugu rarely asked about how all that was, usually only when he remembers that I'm in school at all.
"...No... But I'm working on it." Sakura and Tohsaka came to mind; they had both denied me, though.
"I see..." His awkward attempts to ask about that fell to silence. Dad really didn't seem to know what school is like at my age.
"Where did you go to school, Dad?" He put his tea down and looked off into the moon.
"Me...? Well... I moved around so much as a kid... I was in many places." I didn't know much anything about was like back then, maybe because he is so childish. I figure he never changed much since then.
"You must like to travel then."
"Hmm...You get used to it..." His face was a little sour, though. Dad's a really hard worker, for him to have to move all the time like that...
I've never even left this city before, as far as I know.
Sipping out of his black tea, we just sit there for a long time, appreciating the summer wind.
Then... he continued on with a hesitant voice, "...I will be going on another trip tomorrow." The words suit him. It's certainly not the first time I've heard them.
"...I see..." It wasn't entirely rare that he would leave with a day-of warning or with just a letter. That started to change when he started teaching me magic; his trips became a bit more spread out but were, in general, longer.
But, although him telling me he's leaving isn't uncommon, him telling me where he is going is.
"I will be stopping by London, only for a few days."
"Are you... going to the Clock Tower?" The words leave my mouth naturally, my tired state leaving me less sensitive to what not to say.
"...You know about that?" He is a bit surprised, but he himself was the one that originally told me about the clock tower, so it's like it came out of nowhere. Information that Mom taught me, though... I realize that he would become confused if I told him about that.
"Oh, sorry..." I said something careless.
"It's fine, don't apologize for being aware."
"..." Then was I right then?
"It's... a little more complicated than that... but... you are right, I am trying to find help from anyone who could give it."
"Even though Magi are bad?" I said innocently.
"I try to keep a distant connection to them... I told you once, Shirou, magi can only be trusted to work for themselves. If you can keep that in mind, then you can make deals if they believe it to be in their interest." Interest...?
That has something to do with money, I think. I remember Tohsaka trying to explain how banks work once, and she said something like that in there. Of course, when Tohsaka goes off on a tangent like that, I try my best to keep up... not because I really care, but I feel like she would be lonely if she couldn't talk about it to anyone. So I end up her conversation partner on all sorts of things that are way above my age.
With that in mind, I respond back to him as best as I can. I know it's a subject that Dad is sad about, but it's also one that I can't help but bring up.
"And... that would help... get... Onee-san?" I am hesitant to bring her up.
"...I hope so, Shirou... but... it is... difficult. You don't want to be noticed by any bad people, so you don't have the freedom to... ask around too much."
"...Could I come with you one day?" The words casually left my mouth, and I didn't even think about what I said.
"Shirou, It is very dangerous out there. Europe is the center of the magical world. Japan is a safe place..."
"I know magic, though... Can't I help you?" My feelings of frustration over not being able to free mom make me say some outrageous things.
"Shirou, the mages there are beyond you... do not go looking for a fight in a place that there doesn't need to be one." His voice is cold.
Looking down, I know I am just a selfish kid, "I know that..."
He sighed, and his mood softened,"... Hah, perhaps... perhaps... I should bring you if only to see it for yourself."
"Really!?"
"Yes... but only to London." But... Onee-san is in Germany...
"Not... Germany too?"
"It is too dangerous there, and I must go alone. I won't put you in any further danger. London is a big city, the association may be headquartered there, but I know how to stay out of their view."
"Taiga, of course, will come as well. You two can stay there while I visit Germany."
He looked me in the eye, his own reflecting the moon, and sighed to himself,
"Heh... The best I can do is leave you better than I was."
It felt like he had given in to something. He had been looking at me a little down lately.
Unlike himself, he ruffled my hair and silently walked back to the kitchen to clean up. "..." That was weird. Dad wasn't really the type to do this with me. Confusion was present, but the excitement was much stronger.
That whole offer is leaving me excited. I never really thought Dad would actually take me over. Even if I can't go and try to find Ilya Onee-san... There is still a lot I would like to see with Dad. One of his stories in action, or maybe I could help him out from London...
If Fuji-nee is coming too, then I could help her with her English in practice. This trip may be Dad's attempt to wake Fuji-nee up to how... awkward her English really is.
...But even still, I can't quite shake the nagging feeling in me, making me a little worried about Dad.
Meeting up with Mom was the best part of the week. Even if it was too short and included a bit of pain, that was necessary to improve and learn.
But... I wanted to focus now on the important thing.
Whirlpool of Fate 2 (Music) /3wXmgL-CuY0
"I... think... err, that teaching me magic should be put on hold... I think we should focus entirely on bringing you home." This decision resulted from me learning seemingly random things that helped me understand my magic in a different way. Fuji-nee's cursed Shinai, Shinji's bowl... they gave me more than I feel like I was getting from Mom. That is because Mom can only teach me the basics, but only yourself can learn the advanced parts of magic.
The truth was... I had given up on the straight actualization of a curse. ...I never did figure out what was going on with all that. I was now focusing on other possible uses for it.
I was interested in the idea of applying a curse onto a projection at the same time. That way, I will know for sure that it will at least show up at all.
Her eyes closed, she smiled and giggled out of it. "Hihi, You're a smart kid, Shirou. I trust your decision."
"...Really?" I felt a little weird getting complimented like that—a good sort of weird.
"Of course, you know your magic best. I am... a bit limited to magics related to alchemy and healing. And teaching you that would probably be impossible." Due to my element or whatever, only a couple of magic types seemed to be worth going after. That was basically the first thing Dad told me.
"Haha... I guess I was just a little dumb, being all worried before now." Speaking up is good... when you know you can trust the person you are talking to.
"Well, you're not stupid, Shirou... but acting a little dumb can make you many more friends than acting too smart." That's... probably true.
"I just wish I was smart enough to figure out how to bring you home." I can feel that it's possible, I don't yet know how... but I know that it is there, waiting for me. I just don't have the connection in my mind to really go for it. "But if it's for you or Dad, or Fuji-nee or Onee-san. For anyone in need, I will always try my best." If I could help others... then there is nothing that will get in my way. Everyone around me, that's what a hero should do... not a single person left sad.
She listened patiently and sighed, "Hah... I can believe that Kiri- Shirou... but what was the fate of the man who did everything for the sake of others, yet ignored himself?"
'Huh?' It almost sounded like she was going to call me Kiritsugu by accident. Because of that, It took me a moment to take in her language. She often spoke to me with big words that made her sound high class... which is completely right, I think.
"... I don't know..."
"He lost all that he held dear to him. He used it all as kindling to fuel his attempt to save people. And you know what? After he used up everything... nothing changed, nothing at all. The system of the world is inherently evil, and changing it would require evil as well. So it is impossible to live and not be evil at some point; that is just how it is for humanity. he wasn't able to accept that and ended up losing it all." It was a weird story.
I couldn't accept that. I didn't want to talk about what she said; it made me confused and angry. So I moved on. I need to keep running with this magic progress, then I can prove that I'm right.
"Couldn't he be happy, though?"
"Hmm, only through the effort of those around him. The ones that love him could save him, but only them. For he himself had long thought of himself as undeserving of a happy life." So he never even had control... that could never happen to me, though.
What is important to me is helping Mom. It doesn't matter what has happened with others people.
"Even still, I want to help you, no matter what... The soul, Mom, what can I do to move it?" I said what I had prepared in my mind beforehand. I wasn't content to be left out on anything. 'Every second that Mom is stuck is another second that we aren't helping Dad find Onee-san!'
"Hmm... you are asking the hardest question." She moved on with a shrug. She seemed to look at me as if I did not see the point.
"I know that I'm not exactly the best at all this, but two people are better than one."
"...That is not always the case, Shirou. If someone were so weak that they were close to nothing, then they would add very little to the conversation."
"Uhh, I guess so."
"Why do you know then?"
"Heh, I had access... to a source of great knowledge. So much that I've forgotten many things the longer, I am away, but even still, I know things that very few others do."
"True magic? I've heard Dad say that before, but I don't what that means."
She responded as she usually does when I talk about Dad: with a facepalm and a sigh.
"...Did Kirtsugu never tell you...? Hah... he's not the sort to care much about that anyway."
"True magic... or 'Sorcery' is that which goes beyond what could ever be achieved within the realm of reality. No magecraft is impossible to reproduce through normal means, even if it is challenging. But 'true' magic is something that can never be reproduced through normal means unless someone changed the rules of reality itself. That would in the first place require the use of true magic, so either way, you will have to reach the root at some point."
"It's above human comprehension like you said once."
"Big words, Shirou, I guess they were mine, but still, it is good of you to remember... You are correct, and you must have
"Five Sorceries, Shirou. Four of them definitely have practitioners... or at least heirs, and another last... is still being sought after..." She said the last part as if it was sad, and I didn't understand why.
"Shouldn't we learn them if we know what they are?"
"Impossible, you would have to come to your own method of racing the root" She stated it as a matter of fact.
"What are they, though?"
"The first magic, known as 'Yumina,' is that which creates: It is to turn any wonderland in your thoughts into something existent in reality, the creation of true matter from nothing. To a modern magus, it would appear as something that they could only see as 'magic,' do you understand? True magic is magic, even to magi.
"...I think so... so even to those with magic today, the five sorceries are 'real' magic which does not go with magecraft." She clapped her hands together
"Yes, yes, very good. You used to be so clueless about everything I said. Now you are starting to get it."
"Thanks..." I blush a little.
The compliments are nice. Even if she implied I'm a little dense.
Even if my knowledge of it exceeds most, I can only say that its successor lives on, if barely, and is the last true witch there is left."
What the hell is this? I think I can see why that would be real magic... compared to making copies of bowls, that sounds a lot... stranger.
"The second magic, known as 'Kaleidoscope,' is that which is the operation of Parallel Worlds. Between these planes, it is possible to travel through space and time. Its user is the most well-known Sorcerer: Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg—an immortal vampire..."
Time travel, like in all those bad manga Fuji-nee reads? That's actually real?
"...The fourth... all I can tell for sure is that it is definitely used... Magi know it is there, but its effect may very well make it obscure to all but its user."
Something unknown like that is scarier than the known ones...
'If even Mom doesn't know, then it must be something stranger than her.'
"...The fifth, known as 'Magic blue,' is something to do with transposition, though I can't say more than that. I have heard that its user is a troublesome woman who brings destruction in her wake. Invoking a magician by name isn't always smart." And so, she finished her short lesson on the five sorceries.
Mom wasn't the cautious type, so I took it to heart when she warned me against that.
"What about the third one?" She skipped that one. It seemed like she was conflicted if she should tell me about that one or something.
After a second of tapping her chin, Mom seemed to move on.
"The third magic... known as 'Heaven's feel,' is the materialization of the soul, which stops the inevitable dispersion of the soul once it no longer has an anchor to the world, and essentially makes it transcend to a higher form of existence. It grants its user effective immortality and an infinite source of magical energy. In that way, it could be said to be the most difficult to truly achieve, as it requires a connection to the root to be connected beforehand."
"Wait, Isn't that what we need!?" Mom's soul needs to be moved from one place to another without dispersing into a million pieces.
"Exactly so. It is also the dream of the Einzbern family to achieve it."
"You really are a genius, Mom." I looked at her with wide eyes. If I could spend more time with her, then maybe I could come to admire her as much as Dad. She was pretty cool too.
"Anyways, Say that when I succeed, not before. You should always set yourself up."
"At least that's what is known. The sixth exists as something that may or may not exist; something equally feared as investigated.
"All Magi strive to reach the level of magic, to connect to the root. Most families are so far away from that they don't actually expect it, of course. I am a bad magus. I have no care for all that. If Humans would all focus on the world they already held, instead of dreaming of some far-off utopia, then maybe they could actually value the lives they could live."
I try to take that to heart... but I can't shake this feeling in me that I don't like what she is saying. A world of my ideal would be amazing.
"I... see, so that's why magi do all that bad stuff."
"Magi are just those people who wish for their selfish dreams to come true, with no regard to others. If you gave all humans the same power, then they would become as ugly. The magical circuit is a person's connection to the root, the wish to have something beyond themselves. Everyone has one, but the number that can accept that selfishness or even know of the possibility is few. Most people have almost no good attunement to magecraft, though."
"Wow..."
"I know it's hard for you to follow; you can endure, right?"
"I'm doing my best..." I try to smile, but I can't quite pull it upright.
Her fingers moved my hair around in circles. "That's all I ask..."
I'm feeling okay, but I think it is time to go nonetheless. It is my intuition telling me that to leave before that changes.
And so I do, "Bye, Mom!" I jump up and do my best to give her an energetic send-off.
"Bye, Shirou!" She sends me off with one of her own. Her own smile is twisted. Unnatural. I've long since come to appreciate it, though.
I did not understand when I first saw that smile. I thought it was empty. But there is a love in it. But the more I look at it, the more I feel I can empathize with it.
There is a black love that can only exist in someone that has become completely lost. It is like a single piece of purity surviving in a lake of black mud, so it is actually stronger than a normal smile.
And I am the only guide that can help her find her way home.
'Mom loves Dad.' That is a fact, something I don't doubt.
'But... does Dad still love Mom?' That is a question I save for when Dad comes back from his trip.
The End of Reminiscence (Music) /YJhC70dPN2Y
I like when people smile. You can't smile and cry at the same time unless they are tears of happiness. So I like it when people smile.
That's why recently being with Sakura recently has been great... but also a little weird.
In the beginning, there was one thing that I noticed about Sakura very quickly: She never smiles. Her face was always blank, and her eyes were opaque like a dead fish.
...That's how it was... at least.
But... things change. After she became my official friend, It felt like she started having a more happy expression. At first, it was like
Even now, it's still a little awkward. She smiled but it. So I ought to her out with that.
I just didn't understand why it happened all of a sudden... maybe this is what she is like on the inside? I just needed to get closer,
That opened up more and more worries for me. Shinji was my friend too, of a sort... but I didn't like how he treated his little sister. She is my friend too. I can't just ignore any issues. And since she is my first friend, I need to make sure not to mess up.
So I can't let anything bad happen to her. That would be bad; I think I heard once that people who don't do anything about evil are as bad as people who commit evil acts. My greatest fear was not being able to help someone in need.
Add to that the strange aching in my eyes when I look at her and the sense that her skin seems wrong to me and you have something that is eating away at me.
So when I meet up with her at recess, and I see her with a smile that isn't quite complete... I can't help but want to finish it. Even if I am meddlesome... "Sakura... nothing bad is going on at home, right?" I thought I was a normal question.
"...Sen..pai?" Her hand immediately went to her other arm, and she squeezed it tight. Her face looked frightened.
"Oh, no, no, no... I'm sorry for saying such a stupid thing..." I felt my stomach go down from shame. I was trying to lead her to something else, but I had messed up on the first step... I may as well finish the thought.
"...I was just wondering if you wanted to come over to my house to play or... do other stuff?" Fun stuff such as cleaning, cooking, laundry, arranging Fuji-nee's junk. I'm not sure that that counts as fun to other people, though...
"...Only if it's you and me... I wouldn't want to... annoy your father." Her answer came back to me a little withdrawn.
"Huh?" I was surprised that she said yes, but also what she said. I am indeed alone in the house a good deal of time. Dad can be gone for weeks sometimes. "Just me and you...? you're okay with that?" I don't know why anyone wouldn't want to meet Dad, though. He's pretty cool, after all.
"...Yes..." Her head was down. That made it, so I didn't want to deny her.
"I... understand, I guess..." I didn't, really. "...That's no problem, as long as you are okay with having Fuji-nee... err, Fujimura Taiga to be there. Do you know her? She's sort of famous in town."
"...No... sorry..." She shook her head.
"...Oh, well... that's fine, she's really nice and easy to get along with. I think you will like her too." I hope they can get along, considering they are opposites on the energy spectrum.
"Don't worry; I won't let bad things happen to my best friend. Leave it to me!"
"Best... friend?" Her voice repeated it, reaffirming what I said.
"Yup, I think you're my best friend... we talk a lot... or at least I do... and your my first one so, that makes you my best friend. Err... don't tell Shinji that, though." I didn't want to make him mad at her.
"..." She was silent, though, not looking away for a second.
Gazing at her, the emotion her face held was not happiness, no matter what she wished she could pull it into.
Maybe it was because of shock? Because it was almost as if she had forgotten to keep up a conscious smile.
She looked at me... with pity. Why would she do that?
But before I could resolve that look, her brother showed up. "Emiya! I've been looking for you, come play with me, will you? Don't"
"Oh, err... I guess I should go then
"Yes, Senpai... have fun."
I went on to play with Shinji for a while after that. It wasn't a normal day, though. It was basically the second to last day of school, so we didn't really do much.
Sakura is probably a magus. What did that really mean, though? She didn't hurt people, and she isn't a
Shinji is more of a bully type, but since he's not really that big and actually has some physical problems... no one feels intimidated by him. He has good intentions, I think... but he tends to think he is always right and tries to push that on the other kids. But that never works, so I feel like it's right for me to help him out. It seems like if he didn't have me, he would be a lot angrier all the time. So I am a bit like a sacrifice to save everyone, including Shinji.
It's the best solution that keeps everyone that matters happy. All-day after that, I couldn't get that look from her out of my mind.
Even though I had arranged a playdate with her, I still felt restless about it. It was another river that was added to the growing whirlpool of stress in my heart.
Tohsaka Rin is a difficult person.
I'm still on the lookout though she'll show off her single weakness or something one day. I'm sure if she did learn magic, she could probably surpass me in a day, a good reason to keep her as far away from it as possible. Even if my 'best' friend: Matou Sakura may very well be a mage, I can at least keep Tohsaa out of all that.
The best I can do as her bus buddy is that.
Anyways, at the pace that we are going, we'll both be on the bus together every day. It's almost as if she is there to see me.
'But that is preposterous...' Don't be stupid, Shirou.
It's too bad we can't be friends; she's pretty interesting herself.
That did change, though... with an event that sort of came out of nowhere.
She was sick on the bus for the second straight day that I noticed something was seriously wrong.
"Tohsaka, you haven't been looking too well recently... Maybe you should take a break..." I held her by the shoulder, as she looked to have problems even standing.
She started to fall over, clenching her teeth and her eyes wide open.
I caught her with my whole body. She was pretty big for a girl. Her hair was soft on my face, and I never noticed how a girl seemed a lot smoother than a boy.
'Bad thoughts!' she needs my help!
"You're sick, Tohsaka! Let me help you!" So I picked her up by the legs and back.
Her resistance faltered in a moment. She seemed light from illness.
I think this is called... the bridal carry? It's the most comfortable for her, at least.
She's sick... so she won't remember this... hopefully.
Her hair was silky, and the feel of it on my hand was enough to tell it was much better-taken care of than my own.
It was... weird, holding up a girl like this... I almost wanted to let go, but my responsibility is more important than any embarrassment.
I hadn't ever noticed how much care she put into her hair. If I had her help Taiga out with hers, I bet she would be grateful.
"Ehh, baka..." Her voice was weak, though. She needed to be in bed.
Oblivious (Music) /UJyCr1Q0T5k
"I'm going to bring you home, okay?"
"Mmm." She just moaned out in response. It seemed like she was resigned to it; Her eyes were distant and tired. She must be sick.
If I weren't here, she would have fallen asleep on the sidewalk all alone.
I could bring her home... but that would be wrong. Only a friend could bring someone home like that, though...
She doesn't see me like that... She would want to be with her own family anyways.
I think about reinforcing myself to help carry her, but showing magic to a non-magus is not allowed, so I carry her unassisted in my arms.
"You're heavy, Tohsaka..." I grunt.
"Ehh, will... definitely... kill... you.." She weakly replies.
"You can do that after; I wouldn't mind."
The climb is a bit much, I'm big for my age, but even Fuji-nee is still bigger than me.
All those stretches and workouts were worth it! It is honestly a real sight, The hardest workout I've ever done.
"Ugh, I won't drop you!" I say to make it impossible.
'I won't drop her. That's a fact. This body will break into a million pieces before that happens!" It's like the trance of casting a spell. It could be considered a very light spell.
"Wh...at... is..." She tries to talk as if she wants to say something, but she just can't push herself to do it.
Walking and struggling up the hill, I pass many western-style houses until reaching what must be Tohsaka's home.
It's... big, in a different sort from my own home. Where mine seemed almost open and welcoming, I could only describe this place as unfriendly.
"This is it, Tohsaka... hang in there." I need to lay her down... and get some water, maybe...
I don't really know... call Fuji-nee or something? I don't think she needs a doctor, though.
I don't know Fuji-nee's number. And Dad is off on a short trip right now.
It turned out not to be necessary; Someone was waiting.
"Oh, is that Tohsaka-sama!?" A woman in a maid's outfit sees me and yells out.
"Ohh, are you... Tohsaka-san's maid?"
"Only Milady can open the door; it is a strict instruction from the old master." Her voice creaked with her older age. She wore a weird outfit; I think it's a western maid outfit?
"Tohsaka-san, can you stand? I'm sorry, but you're the only one with the key." It's her house, after all. You would think heer parents would come out, maybe though. They may be at work, though... That would explain why she goes home by herself a lot.
"Ugh, I can do it." She stood out
'...?' What the heck? That was strange; it seemed to me that the key was like a magic. It was as if the tense, cold and unwelcoming atmosphere lessened once
"Tohsaka-sama? are you okay?" The maid said with care, but she kept her distance, as if in respect to Tohsaka.
I stayed by her side... it was something I had no connection with... all this... talk of someone's position in life. I think everyone is valuable, so I would never get it. It had no bearing on me.
In response, Tohsaka held the side of the door and tried to put her foot forward. "I... can..." She doesn't finish before she starts to fall over.
Before she could fall, though, I was there to hold her. My arms were burning from carrying someone who was not that must smaller than me, but she needs me.
So I take her in my arms again and wall her to her bedroom, thankfully on the first floor of this place. In Bed, she almost immediately seems to start falling asleep.
"Tohsaka... I should contact your guardian. I have his number somewhere..." She started checking the many pockets of her maid outfit.
"...No... It's his fault in the first place. No... calls..." She said with an achy voice, her last lucid breath before falling unconscious.
The older woman looked almost relieved and put away the phone. She seemed to be a lazy type of person. As a cleaner, I could tell that.
"...Alright... I'm going to go to the pharmacy then and get some medicine then. Could you look after her, young boy? You seem to be her friend."
"Oh... No... we're not, err friends." Tohsaka turned in her bed.
"Not friends..?. that's a mean thing to say! Ah, unless..." She looked at me holding the ice to Tohsaka's hot head and chuckled with a laugh that only an elderly person looking at youth can have.
"Hoho, I see what you mean now. I wouldn't have thought that people your age would become like that. Ohoho, I remember what it was like back then... hmmm... perhaps love flows more easily before you start to get your hormones." Love? I have no clue what she's on about now.
She laughed, but I really didn't know what she was talking about. Were the relationship of bus buddy and walk-to-school companion really that common?
Then she looked to be a little serious and sad. "You see... I am to... retire soon... Could it be that you will be looking after Tohsaka-sama from now on?" A faint hope gleamed in her eyes. Her care for Tohsaka was clear. I still didn't know where her parents were...
But... I think I started to... understand Tohsaka's circumstances. When I acknowledged that truth inside me, there was only one answer that was available to me.
"Uhh... Of course. I can do that." I felt resolved, but I still spoke a little embarrassed and hesitant. Tohsaka would probably hate me for saying that, if she doesn't like me enough to be my friend, then she'll probably stop seeing me at all after this. She will just have to stop me. Otherwise, I will help her no matter what.
Even despite that risk, I couldn't leave her. I would not just let her be alone if she needed someone.
She smiled content, a weight gone from her shoulders. She patted me on the back, "Ohh, thank you. You don't know how much this relieves me... to know that Tohsaka-sama will be cared for after I am gone."
Walking to the door, she bowed to me. "I will be off to the pharmacy." It's her job, but it seemed like she wanted to leave it to me for some reason.
All of this occurred with Tohsaka in the room, Her body in bed. She was sleeping... I hope.
'I guess I have to look after you for a while, Tohsaka...' I sat by her, waiting... but I don't like to sit around all day unlike a certain sister of mine.
So when I got restless, I started cleaning her house. I didn't want to intrude anywhere, so I only went to places open to the kitchen. For a place with a maid, there was a surprising level of dust. All in all, before Tohsaka woke up, I had cleaned her kitchen, dining room, living room, and the other bedrooms.
There was still more to do, but I was able to stop myself before I went too far... I would have to come back here sometime to finish the job... maybe sneak in some time.
'What am I thinking?' That would be wrong. I needed to distance myself from cleaning, as not to fall back into its lure.
So I prepared some tea for her. It is the special blend that Kiritsugu taught me, a magical drought that works in the form of ginger tea. It helps to loosen strain on your circuits, but I think it also heals a little, so it will help her with whatever sickness she is having.
The ingredients were very specific and not entirely common, but weirdly enough, I was able to find those specific ingredients in the kitchen. 'She must be really rich...' Yet it wasn't like there were that many things in store. It was like she purchased stuff like wormwood extract especially.
I went back to her room and waited by her bed. I don't know why I was still here, actually. I should have left a while ago... but it's far too late for that.
The maid did come back finally. But she left me with the medicine after seeing Tohsaka still sleeping. I didn't really understand why she would just leave us like this, but she seemed to trust me.
Not long after that, Tohsaka shambled awake. Tossing and turning around, I didn't want to get in her way and give her a headache. So I watched.
The normally regal and elegant Tohsaka Rin looked like a mummy coming out its tomb. If I ever said that, though, then that would probably be my last day on earth.
"Ugh... what are you doing...? Foolish boy, listen, your master... Hahaha, no, you won't be getting paid for this..." She started mumbling deliriously. The things she said were disturbing me as if I were sensing an unavoidable premonition.
I gave her the cup of tea, and she started pulling it down in one go. It was honestly the strangest sight. Whatever old idea that I had that Tohsaka was an elegant, rich lady died forever in these moments.
"Tohsaka, are you feeling better now?" I said more for myself than for her.
"Huh...?" Her eyes opened their shot wide, seeing me.
"HUH...!? Shirou...! Real Shirou!" She jumped up in bed and poked me, then punched at me. But I was able to barely miss her attack.
"Wait! Wait, Tohsaka! You were sick. I had to carry you all the way up to your house, do you remember?"
"I... remember." Her face looked defeated. Her eyes opened ever wider, and after another attempt to behead me with her weak bed attacks, she broke down.
"Hmph!" She a pillow and smooched it in her face. She screamed into the pillow.
"Are you mad...? Sorry, I thought that it was right to help you..." At least she feels much more lively than before.
I hung my head. I felt the same I did with Sakura. I was ashamed of making her uncomfortable... but I think that helping people is right... even if they don't see it that way.
"..." I took her silence as my answer.
"I'm sorry... well, I should get going then..." My job is done; my relationship with Tohsaka may be too.
"Stop! Where are you going!?" She yelled out. And I do so.
"...?" I looked back at her, she looked disheveled from a big nap, but she was definitely better.
"Shirou... why don't you want to, my friend?" Her eyes were a little hesitant. It was a look she had never given me before now. Her voice was soft and pouty.
"Huh? what do you mean?"
"I heard you say... 'we aren't friends.' Why would you say that!?" So she was aware enough then tto remember that...
"Err, we had a deal or something. "It was your idea... Tohsaka...
"The deal... the deal... that doesn't matter. Normal people would have forgotten all that forever ago!"
"..." I didn't understand her. She denied my hand of friendship and made me make that weird deal with her about being bus buddies... and now she's saying we've been friends all this time? "So we are friends then?"
Angrily, she continued. "Fine. I will be your friend, jeez. You really forced me to do this!" It made no real sense to me, her angry act... but I'll take it.
"Really? We can be friends?" She said such nice things in an angry way that I had to accept that she was actually saying something good consciously. 'That's just how she is...' Tohsaka angry can actually be when she is nicest, because that's when she cares about something the most.
Tohsaka with a sweet or cool voice, that's when you should be worried...
"...On one condition, you have to obey me from now on!" Ah, there is the outrageous part.
"Err, for how long?"
"...Uh, I don't know... how about forever?" She nodded her head as if it was a done deal.
"I can't do that... I have some things I have to do when I grow up... and things I have to do right now." I have too much on my plate to accept something like that right now.
"Huh? What do you mean?" She looked like her favorite toy had rejected her
"I can't obey you. I guess we can't be friends then." I started to walk away. I needed to get home. I was already out a bit past the time to my bedtime.
"Wait! uhh, let me think about something else!" She yelled out frantically.
So I stopped.
"Oh...Shirou... the tea was... delicious..." Her face went as red as her shirt. "Where did you learn to make something like that?" Her voice was shaky.
"Oh, it's a specialty of my father." I felt a wave of satisfaction. It is a tea that doesn't taste all that amazing, but it loosens up your body. It's really made to ease strained circuits, but I figured that it would help her with illness.
"...And your father taught you how to make it?" She asked slowly.
"Yes, my Dad teaches me all sorts of things... Ah, Tohsaka! are you feeling bad again!?"
Suddenly, after I said that, she put her hands to her head and started massaging her temples. Her illness must still be annoying her.
"It's no problem, Shirou... No problem at all..." She seemed to be hovering for a second as if she was drifting in her memories. "Listen, Shirou... I will be your friend, but..." Another stipulation? "I want you to teach me how to make that tea."
"...Well..." What do I do? that is a tea of magic, teaching someone like Tohsaka that may not be good.
But... for some reason, I really didn't want to deny her. "Okay... as long as you don't tell anyone else."
She smiled. That alone told me I made the right choice... even if I should be careful.
"Then the contract is made. We are friends now." She held out her hand.
"Uhh..." what do I do with that? My mouth was open a little, and to her, I surely looked confused.
She looked at me like I was stupid.
"Shake it, Shirou." And I did, sealing our bond. "Hah, you're an idiot, Shirou... you need me to watch over you, and now that I've decided to, you better not disappoint me."
"Oh.. of course, Tohsaka. I'll do my best from now on too. I'll protect you." It was my genuine intention. She was the second person that I would protect now.
She went red again, losing her composure. "Wh-what are y-you saying!?"
"Hmm? Just that I'll protect you no matter what?" She looks after me too, so it's only fair that I would be willing to give anything for her in return.
"...You're weird, Shirou... But I appreciate what you said... I'll pay you back twenty-fold I'd you ever do save me some time." She was serious about that.
"Haha... there's no need to pay me." I laughed a little about the sort of stuff we were saying. It was kind of peculiar.
"Jeez, the stuff you always force me to say...!" She looked mad. "Now get out, Shirou! This is my room! Out of my house!" She started throwing pillows at me while also desperately trying to hide the disheveled clothes she had.
It was as if she finally realized where we were and started really freaking out. I had been in her house and room for a good four hours, though.
"Alright, Alright!" And I ran out of the house and started walking home. It was still fairly bright due to the full moon.
It was pretty noisy with all the bugs out at night in the district, a lot more than at home.
I wasn't afraid, though. Any bad person who comes after me is a bad person who wouldn't come after someone else. I was more worried that other people would be attacked before me.
I made it home fine in the end, though.
Coming home really late, the house was empty and dark. Fuji-nee must have survived from some leftovers.
I sat at the table and admired the wall.
I had found some friends, and I had found some family... But they were not here now, and that meant I had nothing to do.
I had already cleaned up the house for Dad whenever he gets back. And I was done with Magic for the day.
I had free time for the first time in weeks. But I did nothing but stare at the clock, waiting for the next thing I could do.
Reunion (Music) /Xwr1r6ZJqfE
After School ended for the summer break, Dad came home without warning.
He found me in a place that we didn't meet in much: the storehouse.
"I'm home, Shirou." He said to me with a tired voice.
"Good trip?"
"...It was fine." He had dark circles around his eyes. The long plane ride must be hard for him, even if he is used to it.
I know he was tired, but when I remembered that there was something that I wanted to ask him about in this very room, I made him stay for a second.
"Hey Dad, what is this?" I pointed to a circle that looked old and sort of drawn with chalk or something. It looked like it could actually be magical or something like that.
"Hmm..." He made a grunting sigh like the air was leaving his body. His eyes woke up, and he looked to remembering something. "...This was where Irisviel was..." Irisviel... that's..."
"Mom?" What was she doing with that?
After a little contemplation, he chuckled and shook his head for some reason."...Hah, Yes, she stayed in that circle for a little while..."
"I never noticed it until now, and Mom was there too... that amazing." I wish she could be there now, so we could be together.
"I didn't want to remember
"No." The word comes out of my mouth forcibly.
"Huh?" Dad looks at me funny. What is it he sees that is so funny?
"No." The word comes out again. I shake my head.
"Shirou...?"
"Why don't we keep the circle there? It's not hurting anyone, is it?"
"...You're right, Shirou... it's something to remember her by, at least. It doesn't hurt anyone for it to be there."
"Thanks, Kiritsugu." That magic circle should stay there; I just feel it.
"Haha, It's pretty much your room now anyway, so I leave it to you."
"Leave it to me; I'll manage this room!"
"You love Mom?"
"...It all just becomes a regret. There are some things that can only be done when you're young. It's hard, I tried to stop loving her, but I'm not strong enough for that."
"So, would you like to have her back? You'd really want that, right?"
He looked at me a little sad and slowly answered. "Shirou... it's... not so simple. You don't come back from death... no matter what."
"But what if she did?"
"...I don't know, Shirou... I don't deal in those sorts of hypotheticals." He slowed his breathing and spoke deliberately, "...I made a terrible choice... I understand that such a thing could never happen to me. I like to think she will watch over us; sometimes, I even feel like she's there with me. But those are just the phantoms of the past, Shirou. I lie that you wish to remember this woman who you want to be your mother... but... don't get your hopes up, she is gone." I had made him sad.
"I see..." but I can't tell him otherwise. I'll just have to show him.
"It's time for me to leave. I've already said too much... I'm burdening you with things that I should take on myself."
"Okay. Welcome home, Dad." And he left quickly, his eyes staring below at the ground.
"Yes, I'm home." he waved goodbye.
'I'll show you, Dad. Even if you don't believe it, I'll give you your wife back.' With a burst of enthusiasm, desire and anxiety, I return to thinking about creating something made of curse into an object of projection. All the while not knowing how I was supposed to move he from where she is now. Which is... the park, I think? All of that at the same time as keeping up the projection perfectly so as it holds it in place.
'How can I do that?' it sounds like something even a real magus couldn't do. I felt strained a little; my eyes hurt. I decide to push myself more to get over that. Pain... can be ignored.
I wasn't the unlucky one, so I have no excuse.
A few days later, Mom happened to show up on a cooler day. Apparently, even with her strange circumstances, she was still not a fan of the hot, blaring sun.
I had no clue, though, that the conversation would end up changing me the level that it did...
"The second Magic, Shirou. Tell me what it is again?"
"Oh, err, that's the time travel one, right?" That is the only part I caught with that one.
"Yes, but also not quite. It is what passes between the many worlds of reality, and among all those worlds, I would say that this... distinctive. Though you can say that about any sort of possibility..."
"What do you mean?" I was trying my best to follow.
"Us meeting like this is a strange occurrence. It is something that should not happen in normal circumstances. Even if there are many worlds, as long as there are shared laws between them, certain things simply have small chances of happening."
"A world where we never met? I wouldn't want that; you'd be really lonely..." I would have been too... Without Mom, I probably would have spent all the time Dad was away staring at the wall.
"Yes, It is quite fortuitous that we came to know one another. we will be a great family."
"Haha, I don't quite understand... but I'm happy that you're my mom too." Both her and Dad were the same in one regard: they spoke to me as if I was a lot older than I was. I was happy about that though. I didn't want to be some useless kid.
When I looked at her, he shook her head and looked off. As if at the moment she made eye contact with me, she flinched.
"..." She went silent, and the air seemed a little thicker all of a sudden.
"...?" What's this mood in the air? "What is it, Mom? Did I do something wrong?"
"Shirou, can I look at your eyes?" She said something out of nowhere.
"Oh... okay. Is there something in them?"
She scooched and settled in close. She opened my eyelids and looked intensely into my own. Of course, that leaves me intently looking intently into her eyes as she holds me still and looks around as if in search of something.
Her's are strange, a mix of red and yellow eyes. Look too long, and it feels like everything starts to be swallowed up around those eyes.
(Music stop)
"Hmmm... Psychic." The word pierces the air, a declaration holding more meaning to it than any normal word.
"What does that mean?"
"It means you are special, Shirou. You have something in you that is a unique ability. Magic resides in all, but... this is something that could only show up in a member of your blood... and that is not certain at all."
"I'm nothing special... really." I rubbed the back of my head. A mom calling her child extraordinary wasn't rare, but the fact that she seemed to think she was completely sure of it was.
"Haha, There is so much going on with you that it is easy for me to simply disqualify you as a human. It allows us to work well together, right?" She said the words cheerfully.
"Oh, uh, yeah..." I'm not human? That's too bad. I'm pretty sure I am a person, but for some reason, my instincts said not to push back about that.
"But what is special then?"
"Hmm..." She looked at me and touched around. She was... a spirit, I knew that, but her touch felt real to me.
"It's the eyes, Shirou. Have you noticed that there is a touch of red in them?"
"Huh? Red? in my eyes?" I bring a finger to my eyes, but obviously, I cannot see my own eyes. That is preposterous.
"In the mirror, but that's been there for as long as I can remember." Which is only three years.
"It's something...it may not even have fully revealed itself. It is waiting for the proper catalyst to manifest itself."
"I don't know about that, Mom..."
"You will understand for yourself. It is something you will simply have to suffer with. Activate your circuit, Shirou. The passage of magical energy through your eyes may very well help to bring it out." After a second of surprise, I do as she tells me.
"Okay." Now what?
"Look at me, Really look. What is it you see?"
I look, I mean really look at my mother. I don't avert my eyes, even as they start to feel like they are on fire. No... it's not like back then; it's not the smoke of a fire snuffing out my vision...
'Agh!'
False Transmigration of the Soul (Music) /Xwr1r6ZJqfE
It's more like my eyes are being stabbed.
Red fills my vision, but that is on the sides. Mom is black and silver.
Thump thump Thump thump
Everything is gone. Like a black hole, her visage swallows my vision whole. Sound slows and quiets down until I can hear my heart beating loudly and deliberately like a drum.
Thump thump Thump thump
What is and what was all melts into understandable concepts.
Thump thump Thump thump
Black. Evil.
Thump thump Thump thump
Silver. Good.
That is like scraping the surface; it is the generalization of everything that makes up Mom... But I can go much further.
Thump thump Thump thump
Angelic. Purity. Love. Healing. Creation. Wish-granter. Heaven's Feel.
Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump
Demonic. Pollution. Hate. Curse. Miscarriage. Wish-granter. Heaven's Fall.
Some part of me speaks as if I am reading out of a book, "You are silver and black. Silver is the purity that still lives on in you; Black is the corruption that tears you down. Yet, there is truly only one true being. Nothing cannot become something."
No... It's not a book. It's my mind translating the information it can see into a communicable form. So all the stress is not on my eyes but onto my brain. I'm not even sure why I know that. Maybe because my head seems like it's boiling, so I'm sort of losing it.
'Huh?' what... am I doing? I need to stop. This isn't right... it feels as bad, if not worse, than practicing a curse.
"You... it is something... I should have understood a long time ago." Mom looks at me with wide eyes, an odd look on her. "It is... some sort of clairvoyance... an extremely rare ability... listen, Shirou, never and I mean never use this again... your mind has not developed itself to keep up... your body and your mind will fall apart if you try."
I had a headache now, but I was able to muster a response, "Alright... Mom." I understand that she was telling me the truth with the general aching all over my body. It's like a forced growth spurt, but with information as the focus. It's similar in a way to tracing, but it is... not the same... much more dangerous.
"It seems you've come to your limit today; you're lasting longer every time with me, you know? I'm proud of you, so you don't have to push yourself more than you want to." Her word put me at peace, even though I was in pain.
"It may require much of that spirit if you will be bringing me to life all by yourself."
I look back at her again, wanting to thank her as always, and probably to say I want to go home...
... But that proves to be an immense mistake.
What I see is a formless presence. There is no form to it, like a cloud of smoke that does not move with the wind. The inability of my eyes cannot hold any illusion anymore. In that way, the degradation freed me from all rational constraints... there is no longer the constraint of form.
Stop. Like an engine warning that it is going too fast, my head tells me to stop now before it's too late. But just like stopping an engine... it's not so simple...
'Agh!' I feel like I'm being pulled into an inescapable whirlwind just looking at her. It's not hypnotism, it's not an illusion. It's simply knowledge with 100% accuracy.
'Everything... is... di...zzy.' And the beating of the drum returned at sevenfold the pace.
Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump Thump thump!
Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Hate. Love. Torture. Ugliness. Kiritsugu. Illyasviel. Shirou. Curse. Hollow. Murder. Compassion. Monster. Marriage. Atone. Atone. Atone. Human. Homonculus. Truth. Lies. Spirit. Pity. Red. Silver. Black. Chaos. Evil. Good. Good. Nothing. Something. Irisviel. Angra Mainyu.
"Something cannot come from nothing... so there really is only one... that... exists." It's like I am reading from a language that is simply beyond human comprehension. The words I say are nonsense to me... . I may be taking in all of this information, but I simply can't handle it. It's something I feel that I desperately needed to get off my chest.
My eyes feel like they've been pierced through the back fully by that feeling of needles... In fact, I can't rightly see anything but the image of Mom that has been completely burnt in.
I understood now... these are not normal eyes. Even if they were mine, the distortion was clearly different from what would be considered normal by anyone. That's... enough for anyone... I need a rest...
But... I can't stop it myself... at this rate, it will go on until my eyes split apart, my mind melts, and my heart explodes...
So I am grateful when I hear two words that seem to shut me off, like an emergency stop switch, "Sleep, Shirou!" and like an electric toy powering off, I start to feel heavy. I am saved by my parent, as it always seems to be.
Her voice assures me when my vision cannot. 'Thanks... Mom...'I view myself from far away fall onto the bench.
.
.
Avenger (Music) /M4zU3kXu4qs
And I meet with that formless beast in a land past the horizon. A hollow world, a faraway mountain, a shadow reflection under the one where people live their lives. A strange place, even for a fever dream.
The voice of it was harsh, biting, and a little suspicious.
"Allow me to continue the story, boy." Who was speaking didn't matter; I am the only one here.
A very, very long time passed. The memory of me faded long ago, yet the name I was given lived on quietly. Other names came to be as well, but they weren't the same. But the other monsters were never quite like me.
When I woke again, I came to be in an unfamiliar world.
Everything could be said to have become a good degree dimmer. Even the people had changed themselves, every life... had become diluted... the value of a single life plummeted in the minds of this new humanity.
Every human in my time had the capacity for greatness, and many achieved the superior level of 'hero.' That age was long over.
In its place was a necrotic husk, a world that had dead dreams, and was fine with it.
Doing nothing to save themselves, even while they all sat in the same pool of acid.
They reached so far, building something impressive beyond belief.
Yet... The world would end sooner or later, and it seemed like nothing of Humanity would ever be judged.
They would allow themselves to amount to nothing. They would try to save themselves by destroying one another, hiding at the top of the body pile.
Doing nothing to fix the root causes of their downfall. Few can see it as I do... If they could, then maybe they would do something about it.
But even if that were true, I wouldn't bet on it. Humanity's greatest ability is its capacity to disappoint.
That's why they differentiate those who reach their true potential as 'heroes' to convince themselves that they never had the chance to be better than they are. After all, every one of significance was simply of greater status.
It is a self-fulfilling prophecy, a mechanism that reconciles human logic to fate.
So, they would eat themselves alive in the end, leaving nothing but destruction as the human legacy.
I at least felt that I could grant them something that could help them, once and for all, an evil they could understand clearly.
Yet they denied it of me, so afraid of confronting the truth of themselves. We all wish to be saved but don't want to lose anything in return.
And we certainly don't want to judge in order to get it.
I don't know why I keep coming back to them. I know I will always be disappointed in the end.
Perhaps, I do know...
Humans are a meal to be enjoyed, and the most enjoyable meals are the ones with variety.
Anxiety, despair, anger, disgust, slavery...
That is a beautiful selection... one that many find to be appetizing enough, whether they inflict on themselves or others. I am nearest to that; I am that ugliness.
But... there is a far side that I cannot reach, something I can only see past the horizon.
Confidence, love, respect, value, freedom...
I know of it, I could witness it, yet I could not understand it.
No matter what, I must never be captivated by anything. Because once I feel affection, I can do nothing more than kill. She may love you, but between us, there should be nothing.
Emiya Shirou, listen once, for you would not enjoy it if I had to ever repeat this.
Those most despicable people who try foolishly hard in a world where they can never win. They are the only ones I can say that I dislike...
...but even still...
If that dream of yours is truly beautiful in your eyes.. then I would only ask that I could glimpse it as well... if only to know that which I could never grasp...
I warn you, though. That dream is one that will swallow you, as most attractive things tend to do.
...I leave it to you. It is your decision to make... I am the weakest there is, so I can only watch over you.
Do you understand, boy? No matter what your fate is, it is your own responsibility.
(Music Stop)
My eyes open, but I can't see.
"*cough* *cough* *cough*" I wake up choking. I am covered in something: a sticky substance.
The whole of my vision was clouded, swarmed in misty darkness that seemed to go on forever. It's like trying to see through a keyhole of light that is as far away as the horizon.
'Am I... blind...?' I just couldn't stop. If only I listened to Mom.
No—It is not that my eyes are broken. It's that my mind does not understand the information that it is receiving.
"Mom... *cough* are you there?" I flail my hands blindly around the bench... but it is clear that there is nothing but the seat.
I cough out whatever was in me, and I start breathing normally... Maybe a little more frantic than normal.
Mirage (Music) /lrpIizbKWA0
'Mom...?' My hands continue to search as if she will suddenly appear. I've already checked it twice over. I just don't know what to do.
'Ughhh...' A feeling flows down me from my shoulder, a cold that leads to my heart like a soft shock. Whatever liquid that was on me seems to disappear, and the far-away keyhole turns red and expands ever so slowly.
I don't get it... Why am I alone? Why do people always seem to leave me?
"Where are you...?" A scared boy's voice echoes into the park.
That couldn't be me, though. Emiya Shirou does not get lonely; he does is not phased by anything. So no, it couldn't possibly be me. I'm not weak.
As if to save me from this line of thought, a noise sounds out.
Crunch
A noise that would normally be as quiet as a mouse's squeak resounds in my ear. It's the sound of a lead being stepped on... or perhaps a twig cracking.
"Who's there!?"
"Ahh...!" The sound of a surprised gasp...
Whoosh
...Then a fall.
"Did you fall? Are you alright!" I move to get up myself...
Whoosh
...But without sight, that just serves to bring me to the ground as well. My feet didn't hit the ground the right way, and I fell onto my shoulder.
"Ugh...!" The fall is short. I'm too small to fall hard. 'This must be the park path...' It's a sandy and rough feeling, hard enough to make the fall hurt but not leave that much of a mark.
"Are you okay over there?" They fell too, I think, unless I was just making up some imaginary person the whole time. "I'll come to help you!"
The voice that comes back to me is delicate, hollow, and wholly... familiar.
"Senpai..." A girl who calls me that... "...I am fine." Even if I don't hear her talk as much as I wished she would, I can recognize it immediately.
"Ugh..." I try getting up, but my right leg hits the edge of the bench, and I stumble again, this time into the bench. Ouchie... I'm such an idiot...
I was too excited standing up and ended making the same mistake twice.
"Sakura! Is that you? I'm sorry... I'm so useless... I can't see anything."
"..." My answer is the blowing of the wind. It's like she disappeared too.
Everything felt fantastical. The fact that Sakura appeared suddenly, the idea of Mom disappearing, the dream that seemed to talk to me directly, the loss of sight, the information that was pooling in my head after having peered at Mom so closely.
'This is normal...' magic creates situations like this, so I have to treat it the same way. Too much strangeness at once. It's no wonder that my eyes want a break... hopefully for just a while.
'What would Kiritsugu do...?' I latch on to something that can calm me down from this unfair situation. 'Dad would... take it on and never back down. No matter what situation he is put into.' It's that simple. He wouldn't panic.
So with a deep breath, I try to take control. This is a sort of magic all on its own.
"Sakura... can you help me up?" I feel horrible asking for help, but it's the only solution that comes to mind.
"...I... don't know." I could imagine that hollow look on her face; it fits in with the dark atmosphere in my mind.
"Sorry... No, it's fine. I'll find my own way home. You can... go back to whatever you were doing...?" What is she doing here?
"..." Hearing the sounds of more crunching, I assume she's leaving.
It's better that I don't get in her way anyway...
But suddenly, I feel a hand on my shoulder.
"...Sakura?"
"I will help." A matter-of-fact statement, it leaves no room for debate.
"...Alright... Thank you, Sakura. You're a good friend."
So with her hand on my shoulder, she guided me out of the park. This was probably the most embarrassing moment o my young life, but I was too focused on trying to walk right to fall to that.
Sakura spoke up, "Sorry..." I didn't know why she was apologizing now.
"Huh? Don't apologize, Sakura... this is... my fault." It's a situation that falls on me.
Almost tripping on myself, Sakura steadies me with a level of balance you wouldn't expect out of her.
With a little hesitation that wasn't present before, she spoke, "Are you... okay, Senpai?"
"...I can't see anything... it's like there is a faint red far away though. I think it's my vision coming back to normal."
I think she knows what I am, just as I can tell what she probably is. It's not something either of us would admit.
"..." Her hand stays on my shoulder, but there is no response. It's answer enough. She is a good friend to me, that's all that matters. I think—or hope—it's the same for her too.
"You only have to take me to the bus... I'm really sorry to bother you like this." I didn't deserve help; arent I the one who promised Sakura that I would help her with anything?
"I'm sorry about all this..." I apologize even though I know it's no good. Mom once said that apologizing like this is just a selfish act, which only acts to further make the situation awkward. I hate that, so I'll try not to repeat it.
Her hand tightened on my shoulder; it felt like it was my only real connection to reality. "It's alright... Senpai. I can take the bus with you."
"No... that alright, Sakura... you don't have to do anything you don't want to. You probably had something to do in Shinto, right?"
"It's alright... Senpai. I can take the bus with you." ...she repeated the exact same words. It was the same tone, and I had could tell that it would be the same answer I would receive no matter how much I tried to say no.
So... "...Okay." I gave in. She had a forceful side to her I had never seen before.
Up the bus stairs, we made it with little time to spare. I had been too distracted... and Sakura had no way of knowing... so we walked into the bus, not knowing what awaited us in there. That forewarning earlier that I forgot something turned out to be right.
"Emiya-kun...?" When I heard that voice, and that name... I knew I had forgotten something significant: Tohsaka Rin always takes the bus with me at this time. It should be manageable. It's not like me having another friend should make Tohsaka mad.
My eyes flared, and it was like the red that was Tohsaka that started to heal and guide me back to being on the right side of the horizon. My vision was healing.
Despite that... even though I can only vaguely see Tohsaka glaring between me and Sakura, who was kind of hiding behind my back, it felt very different from all the looks I had ever received from her.
'I think I have just done something more meaningful than I fully realize...'
Author's notes
Shirou does have special eyes in canon. It's just not really that big of a deal. Of course, this is a different story, and Shirou is experiencing a different sort of growth. Katarina has something going on with her eyes but there is definitely a difference in what they have.
Shirou is monumentally stressed out, he's way too young for all of this. Some people write Shirou as someone who doesn't really feel stress or is unemotional but I don't think that's right. Shirou actually experiences more stress than most people, but he just internalizes the same as Kiritsugu. The thought that he is a burden to others is great fear in his mind, as all he wants to do is help people. Of course, he will probably grow out of those fears as he grows up, or at least they will be more buried.
The next update will take some time, but it will probably be a little bigger so to celebrate the 100k mark.
There are probably some errors in here, will look through it again later.
Reviews/comments are always appreciated and read.
