Huey watched his brother leave, then turned to Mr Russell with a scowl. "You didn't have to talk to Launchpad like that. He's a good leader, even if he is a little…"
Mr Russell raised an eyebrow. "What, slow?"
Huey looked down at his lap.
"It's okay, boy, you can say it. I was his Woodchuck leader for nearly a year. I know. And he didn't learn too much in that time, I can tell you. Just kept recklessly trying though. No matter how many failure badges I'd give him he never got the point that there were some things he just was never going to be able to achieve."
"We know how many failure badges he has," said Huey. "He's shown them to us. And so what? I have one too!" He flashed open his sash.
"As do I," Violet chimed in.
A smattering of the other Woodchucks nodded in agreement, some of them also opening their sashes to reveal failure badges.
Mr Russell waved a hand as he sunk onto a log by the fire. "Alright, put those away. Do you really want everyone to see?"
Huey and Violet both exchanged glances, some of the other kids dropped their gaze to their laps, and they all hid their badges back beneath their sashes.
"Look, I get it. Nowadays you get a trophy just for turning up. But you want to know why we had failure badges to start with? It's fine if you have a couple. So do I. You screw up sometimes. And sometimes that's all it is, a screw up. And sometimes, well sometimes it means you have no damn right to have the badge you're trying for. If you get twenty failure badges for trying to tie your shoelaces, it probably means you don't know how to tie your shoelaces. Figured once you got a few too many of them for the one thing, you'd get the point. But there's a big difference between shoelaces, and failing at first aid, or brain surgery, or, you know, looking after a jingbang of kids who won't listen to a word you say. I know you all like Launchpad, and I'm not trying to put you in a spot where you won't have anymore Woodchucks…"
Huey lifted his head. "Wait, no more Woodchucks? What do you mean?"
Mr Russell poked a stick at the fire. "You kids ain't exactly got people lining up to lead your troop. Part of that is due to Launchpad, but even if he ended up quitting, they'd have a hard time finding a replacement. So you'd think that'd be important to him, to at least try for your sakes, instead of storming off in a pout."
"I believe he is trying," said Violet.
No Woodchucks? What would he do without his Woodchucks? Huey crammed the thought down. He could stress about that later; he would be stressing about that later. "Yeah… that's… that's not really fair on LP."
"Fine, I'm sure he's trying. But that's part of his problem. He doesn't know when to quit! He's going to try to do something he just isn't capable of, and he's going to get one of you kids hurt. And, unfortunately for Launchpad, he's just never been smart enough to figure out when his actions are putting someone in danger, until it's too late. I'm not yet convinced he still isn't dangerous. And if he can't convince me of that, I can't in good conscious let him take responsibility for you lot."
"He's handled responsibility for us just fine," said Huey. "You just haven't given him a chance. Just because you knew him as a kid, doesn't mean…"
"Alright, that's enough out of you," Mr Russell snapped. "I think I might have figured out the other reason no one wants to lead your troop. You're disrespectful and belligerent, and that is far, far too many failure badges between the lot of you. Now, seeing as your responsible leader has decided to lump you all on me, I guess that means I'm giving the orders. So, everyone go to bed!"
Halfway up the hill, it started to rain. Doofus had been right. That thought drifted into the overwhelming mess of memories stirring and rattling around in Launchpad's mind. He'd tried to shut them out all day. Performing his Woodchuck leader duties, even having Jack hover over his shoulder the whole time, it had been distracting enough to keep them at bay.
Right up until Jack had, in front of all Launchpad's Woodchucks, pulled out what he'd promised was in the past. As soon as Launchpad had crossed him he'd brought it up, and he couldn't believe he'd been stupid enough to trust him to keep his word.
Launchpad pulled out his keys as he approached the bus, and wiped a hand across his beak as he fumbled for the right one in the misty rain.
"You don't want to be responsible for something like that do you, Launchpad?"
But if already felt like he was.
Launchpad finally realised he'd left the bus unlocked. He shouldered his way inside, then slumped into one of the seats and let his head rest against the seat in front, eyes squeezed tightly shut. He didn't want to remember. But it was too late for that.
"Calvin, cooome on."
"LP, I said no. Mr Russell says I'm too weak to swim that far. He gave me a failure badge! And you know that's the end of that." His friend slumped face-first into his pillow, his cream and brown feathers sticking up in a ruffled heap from the back of his head.
"Mr Russell doesn't know what he's talking about. I mean," Launchpad shuffled around on his bedding to get in front of Calvin. He pulled open the front of his sash. "Look at all my failure badges. He said I couldn't get the proper badges for these either. "
"It's different for you, you're… insane. And you're not supposed to show me those," Calvin mumbled, still face-down.
"But look."
Calvin sniffed, and sat up. "You have a lot."
"And I've got the proper badges for nearly half of them. It didn't matter what Mr Russell said. Come on, you can get that swimming badge."
"He's not going to let me try again. If I ask, you know he'll just…" Calvin gulped.
Launchpad knew only too well what Mr Russell would do. Push him too far and he'd tear strips off of you, and if you couldn't get it through your thick head why you couldn't get the badge, he'd explain how you fell short, in excruciating detail, in front of all the other kids. It hurt. But Launchpad had long figured out the only way he was going to get the badges was to keep trying, and that meant he had to argue with Mr Russell. So no matter how hard their Woodchuck leader tried to tell him he wasn't good enough, he'd just stand there and let him slap a failure badge into his palm, and it was just one tiny act of defiance to not break Mr Russell's gaze when he did it. Even if he did go and cry in his tent afterwards.
It hurt, but it annoyed Launchpad too. Especially when he did it to the other kids. Most never seemed to handle it as well as he did. I mean, it was just a failure badge! None of them had hurt him, even if a few had been a little embarrassing. He just had to get Calvin to see that.
"Come on, Calvin." Launchpad reached out and squeezed his friend's arm. "You nearly had it this time. We'll go and get it, now. We don't need to ask Mr Russell."
"It's the middle of the night."
"So Mr Russell won't be able to yell at us, right?"
"The water's going to be scary in the dark…"
"But it's dark, so you can't see it, so it'll be less scary?"
A frown creased Calvin's beak, and then his gaze hardened. "That… kind of makes sense. You know what, if you can stand up to Mr Russell, so can I. Let's do this."
The two boys grabbed their hats and sneaked out of the camp, towards the river. It had been raining earlier, and in the night air the roar of the rapids further downstream was loud. They couldn't find the path, but after pushing though a bit of bush, they managed to find their way down to the river, following its roar.
"Are you sure about this, LP? This wasn't where we were swimming earlier."
"I'll go in first, so you won't be scared."
"You haven't got your swimming badge yet either."
"I can still float! And I'll try and get it tonight as well."
The bank was steep and slippery. Launchpad looked down and thought he could see a slash of water below. "You know, that does look a little rough…"
A beam of light whipped through the bushes. "What the hell do you boys think you're doing?"
Calvin and Launchpad both whirled around. Launchpad felt the earthen bank give underneath his foot. He splashed into the river, the cold bit into him, and water rushed down his throat as the current washed him away. He struggled for the surface. Something snatched at his sash.
Launchpad gasped as his head broke the surface.
"Come on, Launchpad, swim!" Calvin hauled on his collar, striking out with the stroke Launchpad had not yet been able to master towards the bank which was only identifiable by the flashlights that danced along it, shining out over the water.
Rocks slammed into his chest as they hit the edge. The water still tore at them, but there was something to grip onto. Launchpad coughed and spluttered for air. Calvin clung to the bank beside him, wet and bedraggled and doing the same.
"Come on, get back up here!" Mr Russell loomed above them. The bank was steep, and high, and their leader's outstretched hand was far too far away.
Calvin made a lunge for the hand but slipped back down the muddy bank with a whimper.
"Bloody hell, why did you go and run off… did any of you boys bring a rope?" Mr Russell yelled back over his shoulder. He grumbled, looked about, then undid his belt, looped it around his hand, then hung that down over the side.
Calvin lunged again. This time, he managed to grab the belt and dragged it down. "Come on, LP, grab on."
Launchpad looked at his friend, wide-eyed, and shook his head. If he let go, even to grab the belt, the torrent would just sweep him away again. Maybe this was something Mr Russell had been right about. He'd never get his swimming badge. He could never swim in something like this.
"Come on, LP. You're the one who doesn't know when to quit. We're nearly out of this; grab the belt!"
"For gods sakes, quit yapping and grab on. You boys are in so much trouble…"
Launchpad could feel his strength fading, his arms growing numb. Calvin gritted his teeth and lunged for his hand, and dragged it over to the belt. "There, you see, you did it…"
Launchpad never knew what it had been. A branch, a loose piece of trash, something, carried by the current. It slammed into them and sent them spinning. Launchpad held onto the belt for dear life. And he felt his friend let go.
Launchpad shot out of the water and into Mr Russell's lap. Mr Russell shoved him off with a growl and rushed back to the edge.
Launchpad coughed and spluttered, and finally he could breath. He pushed himself to shaky feet. "Calvin, where's Calvin?"
Mr Russell scanned the river with his flashlight. "Shit. This can't be happening. He's still in the water, you idiot!"
"Calvin!" Launchpad spluttered through tears, and lunged for the water.
Mr Russell grabbed him hard and threw him back. "Get away from the water!" Launchpad threw himself at him again, shoving him across the muzzle. Mr Russell tossed him back again, and then cracked the belt hard across Launchpad's arm.
Launchpad crashed back into the wet leaves, curling into a ball as the belt cracked across his back again and again, the sting biting right through his soaked uniform.
"What. The hell. Were you boys… thinking!"
"Mr Russell, stop! You're hurting him!" And with the interruption of the other boys, Mr Russell stopped.
Launchpad had curled up on himself, sobbing, because somehow he'd understood his best friend wasn't coming out of the river. And it was his fault.
He couldn't remember anything of what happened in between. He'd checked out until the moment he'd heard his father's voice.
"Get off me!" Launchpad looked up to see his father barreling his way into the mess of paramedics, and parents, and police back at the camp, with two of the other dads all but hanging off his arms as he shrugged them off with a gruff snarl. "I'm not going for him, but you can bloody well get him out of my sight! I'm trying to hug my son!"
And then he'd been in his father's arms, pressed close against his chest. "I'm so sorry, Launchpad. We should've done something about this earlier…. And I'm sorry, I'm going to fix it for you, I promise."
"Can… can you bring Calvin back?"
"No… no, son." And his father's voice broke. "I can't. I'm sorry."
Launchpad stared at the seatback as the rain drummed heavier on the bus' roof. His mom and dad had explained to him it wasn't his fault. He knew that. But they'd also explained to him that he'd still feel like it was, and that was okay, it just meant that he missed his friend. And it still hurt, even now, even though he hadn't thought about it in years. Jack's thoughtless comments had brought it all back.
Why the hell had they let Jack back into the Woodchuck's? It wasn't even his reaction to what had happened. Launchpad could never in a million years see himself reacting like that, but as a Woodchuck leader now himself, he understood now that Jack had been more scared than angry. And despite all his bullying, it was the only time Jack had ever hit a kid. It was all the cutting words and slapping failure badges into their palms like they should be ashamed of them. Making him feel like nothing, and making the other kids feel like they needed to distance themselves from those less capable. They should've booted Jack out for all that long before what happened to Calvin, and he'd tried to tell his parents, but of course they hadn't listened. Even now, Jack didn't seem to get the affect his words had. Launchpad was an adult, and they had still hurt him. He shouldn't have left the kids down there with him. But he couldn't drum up the courage to go back.
Launchpad stared at his phone sitting in his lap, taken out in a last ditch attempt to distract himself from the memories by thumbing though social media. It only he hadn't convinced Calvin to try for the swimming badge. If only he could pick up the phone and message him.
Launchpad hung his head as tears filled his eyes.
"LP? You okay?" Dewey stood in the aisle by the door.
Launchpad quickly wiped at his eyes. "Hey. Yeah. Just needed some air.
"That guy is a total jerk." Dewey slipped into the seat beside him. Yeah, he'd be the same age as Calvin. But Calvin had had about an inch on Launchpad. Dewey was just, so tiny. Because he'd grown, Launchpad again reminded himself. He reached out and ruffled a hand through the boy's hair.
Dewey grumbled and pushed him off. "LP! I'm trying to be a shoulder to cry on here."
"I don't need to cry." Which wasn't true. "I'm just… kind of mad…" Which wasn't exactly untrue. "I'm sorry. I guess it hasn't been a very fun trip for you to figure out if you want to be a Woodchuck or not."
"I didn't come to be a nerdy Woodchuck, no offense. I just thought, with this whole assessment thing, you'd need some moral support."
"Aw, Dewey…" Launchpad gulped at the lump in his throat.
"Seriously though… what did Mr Russell mean when he said someone drowned? You knew them right? I mean, you didn't walk out on your Woodchucks because he kept interrupting you."
Launchpad's chest tightened as Dewey looked up at him with big eyes. How could he tell him he'd failed his first best friend? He looked away. "Look, it doesn't matter…"
"It does. Mr Russell has you really on edge. I'm worried about you, and I want to help."
"You said it yourself; he's just a jerk."
"Yeah, but…"
"Maybe you should go to bed. Jack doesn't need anymore stuff to put in his report, and you should be back at the tents not running around out in the dark all by yourself. You're going to get me in trouble."
"In trouble? Launchpad, you're not a kid anymore. You stood up to him back at the campsite. You're the one who's supposed to be in charge, assessment or not, and you don't have to let him boss you around."
Launchpad knew what his friend said was true. But he couldn't face Jack just yet. He couldn't even face Dewey. "Look… I can't… yeah, I'm in charge, okay? So just do what I tell you and go to bed!"
Launchpad knew he'd crossed some line when Dewey's eyes narrowed, and he slipped off the seat beside him. "I'm just trying to help, okay? Like I said I only came here for you. I'll go to bed." And he turned and without any further argument, left.
"Dewey…" His departure tugged at Launchpad's chest. He just wanted to talk to someone. His best friend would understand. But if he didn't… Launchpad's clutched at that empty spot on his sash where his swimming badge should have been, and hung his head.
A/n: Dropping some heavy backstory... please leave me a review!
