A note for the entire fic: Eclipse and the entire Twilight Saga belong to Stephanie Meyer. Unfortunately, I think she dropped the ball a bit when she wrote Eclipse, and it is my intention to fix it.


The lofty living room of the Cullen household had been transformed into an art studio while we were at school. Various flowers, fruits, and glass vessels were strategically arranged on a table covered in a white cloth in the middle of the room. Matching white curtains draped gracefully behind the scene, with bright, studio lights shining down on them to enhance the shadows. My family stood in a semi-circle around it behind our individual easels, sketching out the scene in charcoal.

This was Esme's idea of a perfect family activity. I guessed it was better than the family photoshoot Rosalie had arranged or an afternoon of Tai Chi with Jasper. Carlisle and Esme had suggested that the family should partake in activities every afternoon together. They claimed that it was purely because the family had missed me while I was away and wanted to spend time with me.

I didn't have to be a mind reader to know the real reason behind this notion. If left to my own devices I would be off in the woods, curled into a ball of misery, punishing myself for what I did to the people I loved most. It would not be ideal, though. No. My ideal activity would include some dregs of humanness so I could drown on my tears or choke on my vomit. As a vampire, my impermeable skin and supernatural strength made it impossible for me to feel the physical pain that I deserved. And what I deserved was the cruelest of tortures after putting a literal angel on Earth, Isabella Swan, through so much grief.

The charcoal snapped in my hand.

I heard the thoughts and felt the attention of the family turn towards me.

"Sorry," I grumbled, not looking up.

They went back to work without muttering a word.

Last September, I had made the stupidest decision of my life. I lied to my heart and soul by telling her I no longer loved her. It seemed like the right move at the time. After all, I was a bloodthirsty monster, and Bella was a beautiful human girl with her whole life ahead of her. Watching her put her life on hold for my sake tore at my heart, but I was not strong enough to walk away from her. I fed myself lie after lie, convincing myself that my presence was beneficial to her. Until the one final incident threatened her life. Then, I could no longer pretend that I was any good for her.

I struggled to survive without her, clinging to the hope that she was happier without me. It turned out that she couldn't cope without me any more than I could without her, and even with me thousands of miles away, she was still in harm's way—most of the time, she deliberately stepped in harm's way for the chance to hear my voice. After a fatal miscommunication, Bella had saved my life and was miraculously back in my arms. Despite all I had done to her, she remained in my arms, forgiving me for all the things I deemed hopelessly reprehensible.

"Alright," Esme clapped her hands, "Everyone turn your easels!"

We all complied, turning our work towards the center of the room for everyone to see. Naturally, Esme's was perfection, with Rosalie close behind.

"Look at Eddie's," Emmett pointed, "only he could manage to make a vase of flowers and a bottle look like a tragedy."

Esme studied my drawing for a bit. "Edward as a particular… style, Emmett." She looked back at his work and sighed, "As do you, it would seem. I don't know why you don't think I'll see that every time, young man." she scolded. As per usual, Emmett hid phallic imagery in his drawing. I rolled my eyes at his childishness.

We went around the room, giving constructive criticism to each artist using what Esme called a Critique Sandwich: something we liked about the piece, something they needed to work on, and another thing we liked. After each family member was properly criticized, we broke apart for our nightly activities. I readied myself to leave for Bella's house, already anxious to see her after a mere four hours apart.

"Edward," Carlisle called, his thoughts suspiciously in another language, "Could you please spare a moment for your mother and me before you head out for the night?"

Uh oh, golden boy's in trouble, Emmett sang in his mind.

I gave him my smuggest smile, "How do you know we're not discussing your recent purchase, One-Eyed Willy?"

Emmett's humor disappeared as he dared me to snitch with his eyes. After watching The Goonies earlier this year, Emmett decided to set up a little treasure hunt of his own. While he waited for Alice and me to graduate high school, he went around the Pacific Northwest, hiding cryptic clues and messages in random basements and storage units. Last week, he purchased a second island and turned a good chunk of money into physical assets for the treasure-hunter to find. All with this, of course, without Esme and Carlisle's knowledge.

As the family mind-reader, he didn't have to ask me how I knew. He thought many things at me, but none of them were close to remorseful. I shrugged my shoulders and turned to meet our parents in Carlisle's study.

"Charlie came into the hospital today," Carlisle casually mentioned as I sat down on the small sofa beside Esme. He assured me immediately that it was purely a social visit and there was nothing wrong with Bella's father.

I was never Charlie's first choice for Bella, and my return into her life was against his better judgment. He didn't know what I said to her in those woods last September, but he didn't really care. Bella had gone all but catatonic in my absence, and Charlie had to bear witness to such a travesty alone. And he knew it was all my fault.

My father continued, "Charlie wanted to talk to me about your relationship with Bella. He believes the two of you are getting too serious too quickly again and unless we figure out a way to cool you both down, we're going to be right back where we were in September."

"I will never leave her again," I vowed.

Esme took my hand in hers, "We know that, Dear, but we must say that we agree with Charlie."

Charlie wanted one thing and one thing alone: for me to stay far, far away from his daughter. And if my parents agreed with him, they wanted me away from her, too.

Esme's hands were now stroking my face, correctly gaging my expression, "No, no, not anything like that, Darling. Your father and I cannot wait until the day Bella joins the family. However, we agree with Charlie in the way that you two should get to a healthier place before taking any steps forward."

"I already proposed," I argued.

"Then, it's a good thing she said no," Carlisle grinned teasingly.

I glared daggers at him, which only made his smile grow.

"I think slowing down would be beneficial for both of you," Esme continued, "Perhaps, if in the beginning, you and Bella went a little bit slower, she could have continued to build her relationships with the other students... And perhaps if she had other friends and other hobbies outside of the Cullen family, you would not have felt that you were taking so much away from her... And perhaps you wouldn't have left…"

I was a complete moron. I had snatched Bella out of the human world and kept her beside me for months, preventing her from forming any bonds with anyone else. Then, I thought I could simply plop her back in the world she belonged in, without the support and backup she would have needed to get through our break-up because I didn't let her make any friends.

Esme caressed my cheek, "Edward, I am not blaming you." She gestured her other hand towards her husband, "Carlisle and I should have stepped in and helped you. Offered advice even when you did not seek it out. It was my fault…"

I took her hand from my cheek and held it in mine. "Esme, please—" I could not stand the thought that my mother deserved any of the blame for the worst decision of my life.

"Edward, let your mother finish," Carlisle chastised.

Esme smiled back at me, "I was so happy that you had finally found your love, that I didn't see what was happening." She laughed lightly, "I fear that I was blinded by your love. Carlisle and I should have been helping you, guiding you. And we are going to do that now. Charlie is going to ask Bella tonight during dinner to add more balance into her life, and so will we. We want both of you to start making plans with other people."

My mouth hung wide open. "I already get so little of her! Nights and weekends!"

She pointed her finger, "And you are lucky we turn the other cheek towards those nights, young man."

Carlisle spoke up, "You can still have school nights with her, but for one day every weekend you must spend time apart."

"And what do you expect me to do?" I asked sarcastically, "I'm not sure the Pep Club takes any new members this late in the year."

Carlisle chuckled.

"I know you have two brothers who love and miss you," Esme suggested softly.

It was true. I had been a terrible brother since I started my relationship with Bella. For years, Jasper and Emmett had taken the time out of their relationships to spend time with their lonely brother. However, I did not extend the same courtesy to them.

"I'm… I'm not sure if it would work. Bella needs me as much as I need her. I'm scared spending more time away from her would give her doubts," I explained.

"That's why it's so important to do this," Carlisle said, "You need to face the facts. You and Bella aren't getting any better since you returned from Italy. The two of you are only truly happy when you're together, and that's not how healthy relationships work, son."

I looked up at my father's kind face, read his kind thoughts. "I don't know what to do about it," I admitted.

Esme squeezed my hand still intertwined with hers, "That's okay, Edward. Your father and I are going to help you."

I wanted to tell them that Bella and I were fine, but I noticed the time on Carlisle's grandfather clock.

"I'm going to be late to Bella's," I rose from the sofa, "If I'm not there on time…" I let that sentence hang in the air. If I wasn't there on time, I risked the chance of Bella having a panic attack. Three weeks ago, I was late picking her up for school because Alice and I had a minor altercation after she hid all of my slacks when I refused to wear the 'skinny jeans' she purchased for me. Even though I was only ten minutes late, I found a broken Bella curled up on the bench of her truck, fully believing that I had left her again.

I had inadvertently proven my parents' point. If I couldn't risk being late to meet with my girlfriend without her thinking I left her, we were in trouble. As usual, Carlisle and Esme were right. Bella and I weren't in a good place, no matter how good it felt to be in her arms. Probably because I only felt good when I was in her arms.

Carlisle and Esme looked at me expectantly.

"You're both right," I acquiesced, "I'll follow your advice, starting with time apart from Bella."

"We're only doing this because we love you and Bella, and we want your relationship to succeed," Carlisle reassured me.

I smiled fondly at both of my parents, "I know," I took a deep breath, "I know."

Sighing and hating my incompetence at all things romance, I dashed out the front door and into my Volvo. The trip to Bella's house was quick, and I made it right on time. I parked my car and gathered the materials from the backseat for tonight's activity. Coincidentally, Charlie and Bella were discussing her new acceptance letter and her plans for fall as I walked up to her front door. I saved her from lying to her father about her plans with a light knock on the door. Bella's ideal plans involved a bite and three days of excruciating pain…

Bella struggled with the simple deadbolt but eventually wrenched open the front door. I couldn't help the smile that broke on my face whenever I saw her. I may have a perfect memory, but nothing could truly capture her beauty. Her large, chocolate eyes that warmed and melted when they met mine, her high cheekbones and the beautiful blush that colored them, her full lips, just a little too big for her heart-shaped face.

My smile grew.

Bella reached for my hand, and a little zap of electricity hummed as it always seemed to do when we touched.

"Hey." Her little smile would be the death of me someday.

I raised our interlocked hands to brush Bella's cheek with the back of my hand. "How was your afternoon?"

"Slow."

I thought about Esme's little art class that dragged on for what felt like years, "For me, as well."

I pulled her wrist up to my face and closed my eyes and allowed myself to take in her perfect scent. At one point, I would have taken down entire civilizations for just a mere taste of my singer's blood. Now, the thought seemed abhorrent to me; I couldn't drink Bella's blood any more than I could eat my own hand.

Charlie made his presence known to break us up. His distaste for me seemed to grow each and every day, though I couldn't say I didn't deserve it.

One of us had to act civil to please our favorite girl, so I greeted him warmly, "Good evening, Charlie."

He only grunted—his version of civility.

"I brought another set of applications." I shook the manilla folder in my hand to bring her attention away from my face. Not that I minded her stare.

She groaned at the sight.

"There are still a few open deadlines. And a few places willing to make exceptions."

The tendrils of the worst decision of my life reached far and wide, one of them being Bella's schoolwork. Because of me, Bella had gone from a straight-A student, to barely passing in the span of six months. The cherry on top of this hell cake was that Bella had not applied to any colleges. The darkest part of my mind told me it was because she did not expect to live that long. My love, however, simply claimed that she "wasn't in the mood". Regardless, it was my job to clean up the mess I had made, and getting Bella into a good school to set her up for a good future was high on my list of priorities.

Charlie surprised me by initiating a conversation with me. "Speaking of college applications, Edward, Bella and I were just talking about next year. Have you decided where you're going to school?" He only asked so he could begin his research to convince Bella into going anywhere else.

I wasn't going to give him any ammunition, no matter how bulletproof I was. "Not yet, I've received a few acceptance letters, but I'm still weighing my options."

"Where have you been accepted?"

I hadn't actually applied anywhere as Edward Cullen, but I did have several aliases accepted my usuals. "Syracuse… Harvard… Dartmouth…" maybe that was laying it on a little thick, but it was working. Charlie could hardly contain his awe, "I just got accepted to the University of Alaska Southeast today." I turned to wink at Bella; she stifled a cute, little giggle that warmed my chest.

"Harvard? Dartmouth? Well, that's pretty…" he didn't want to compliment me outright, "that's something. Yeah, but University of Alaska… you wouldn't really want to consider that when you could go Ivy League. I mean, your father would want you to…"

"Carlisle's always fine with whatever I choose to do."

Charlie was not a fan of that response.

"Guess what, Edward?" Bella chirped.

"What, Bella?"

She pointed to her acceptance letter on the edge of the table, putting too much enthusiasm into our little bit, "I just got my acceptance letter to the University of Alaska!"

Her bad acting was too adorable, I didn't have to play up a smile, "Congratulations! What a coincidence."
Charlie didn't buy it. Now that it was clear that he wasn't going to get what he wanted out of me tonight, he made his leave, "Fine. I'm going to watch the game, Bella. Nine-thirty."

"Er, Dad?" Bella said, coyly, "Remember the very recent discussion about my freedom…?"

Jacob Black's face flashed through his mind—the person Charlie actually hoped to help by dropping Bella's sentence. He didn't mean for it to help me. "Right. Okay, ten-thirty. You still have a curfew on school nights."

I heard a snippet of this conversation on my drive over here, but I wanted to be sure—hear it with my own ears, "Bella's no longer grounded?"

Charlie thought about Jacob once more. "Conditionally. What's it to you?"

The well-being of Charlie's daughter meant everything to me, but I chose to go down a path that didn't involve myself to keep Charlie in his relatively pleasant mood. However, mentioning Alice and city lights had the opposite effect. The sound that came out of Charlie was almost as monstrous as I was.

Bella flinched back at the sound. "Dad! What's the problem?"

Charlie relaxed enough to spit out the words, "I don't want you going to Seattle right now."

Bella still didn't understand her father's outburst, and he reminded her of a string of murders in Seattle that they must have discussed earlier. Bella tried to quell her father's fears, but I stepped in. I knew the truth about the murders in Seattle, and I wouldn't have my beloved Isabella anywhere near that city, either.

I grabbed the newspaper Charlie must have been referencing to see if there were any new developments. "I didn't mean Seattle. I was thinking of Portland, actually. I wouldn't have Bella in Seattle, either. Of course not."

I could feel the stares of both Swans but my attention was on the paper, searching for any more clues of vampirism. My family had been monitoring the situation for a few weeks. All the signs were there-the unlikely disappearances, always at night, the poorly disposed-of corpses, the lack of other evidence. All of this pointed to a newborn loose in Seattle.

I was nervous about this newborn for a myriad of reasons. First, was the obvious. My beautiful, human girlfriend had an alluring scent as well as a history of bad luck. If Bella stepped into Seattle, this vampire could easily take an interest in her scent and follow her, then the family could be stuck with a whole other James scenario. Second, if this vampire got too messy the Volturi would step in. This idiot newborn has had too many kills too close together; it was starting to become suspicious. If the Volturi stepped into this region to eradicate the threat of exposure, they would also check on Bella, and either force her to change prematurely or kill her outright. My third, secret fear was that as Bella watched the massacre unfold, it would finally dawn on her what dangerous monsters vampires truly were, and she would no longer want to join me. It was a realization I desperately wanted her to have, and a realization I wanted to avoid at all costs.

A scuffle of paper and a snort pulled me from my train of thought. "Bella?"

"Be serious, Edward. Dartmouth?"

I took the application she carelessly tossed aside and placed it in front of her once more, "I think you'd like New Hampshire. There's a full complement of night courses for me, and the forests are very conveniently located for the avid hiker. Plentiful wildlife." I pulled out my best smile, in hopes of dazzling her, as she's often claimed me of doing.

It didn't work.

I continued to bargain with her, "I'll let you pay me back, if that makes you happy. If you want, I can charge you interest."

"Like I could even get in without some enormous bribe. Or was that part of the loan? The new Cullen wing of the library? Ugh. Why are we even having this discussion?"

Because I have ruined your life in every conceivable way, and I need to set things right. "Will you just fill out the application please, Bella? It won't hurt you to apply."

Defiance sparkled in her beautiful chocolate eyes. Before she could do anything rash, I placed the application back into its folder and stored it safely in my jacket. I was finished before she even voiced her threat.

"What are you doing?" she demanded when she noticed the empty table.

"I sign your name better than you do yourself. You've already written the essays."

"You're going way overboard with this, you know. I really don't need to apply anywhere else. I've been accepted in Alaska. I can almost afford the first semester's tuition. It's as good an alibi as any. there's no need to throw away a bunch of money, no matter whose it is."

"Bella—."

"Don't start. I agree that I need to go through the motions for Charlie's sake, but we both know I'm not going to be in any condition to go to school next fall. To be anywhere near people."

"I thought the timing was still undecided. You might enjoy a semester or two of college. there are a lot of human experiences you've never had."

The defiant spark was back. "I'll get to those afterward."

I thought through all of my college experiences. Always on the professor's bad side due to poor attendance. Unable to live in a dorm with a roommate under such heavy scrutiny. Keeping any friend that manages to look past my vampire oddities at an arm's length. Bella deserved more than the Cullen family's pretend college experience. She deserved the real thing! She deserved the world! "They won't be human experiences afterward. You don't get a second chance at humanity, Bella."

She sighed, "You've got to be reasonable about timing, Edward. It's just too dangerous to mess around with."

"There's no danger yet," I swore.

She didn't seem to believe me.

My voice grew softer as I took in the panic in the eyes of my love—the panic she tried so hard to cover, "Bella, there's no hurry. I won't let anyone hurt you. You can take all the time you need."

"I want to hurry," she whispered, trying to smile away the fear, "I want to be a monster too."

My teeth snapped together. Creating a monster out of this lovely, perfect girl was my biggest fear, "You have no idea what you're saying." I flung the paper back onto the table in front of her and pointed to the headline:

DEATH TOLL ON THE RISE,

POLICE FEAR GANG ACTIVITY

"What does that have to do with anything?" Bella asked.

"Monsters are not a joke, Bella."

She read the headline again, "A… a vampire is doing this?"

I gave my love a hard smile, "You'd be surprised, Bella, at how often my kind are the source behind the horrors in your human news. It's easy to recognize when you know what to look for. The information here indicates that a newborn vampire is loose in Seattle. Bloodthirsty, wild, out of control. The way we all were."

The way you will be... She seemed to be the mind reader because her eyes looked down in shame.

I went over the evidence with Bella and explained to her how often this occurred. Trying once again to talk her out of the inevitable change I hated and desired so desperately.

"It won't be the same for me," Bella promised herself, "You won't let me be like that. We'll live in Antarctica.

I snorted at the thought, "Penguins. Lovely."

Bella laughed at my expression and knocked the paper off the edge of the table. "Alaska, then, as planned. Only somewhere much more remote than Juneau—somewhere with grizzlies galore."

I nodded my head in approval, "Better. There are polar bears, too. Very fierce. And the wolves get quite large."

Bella's mouth fell open and her eyes glazed over. I recognized that look immediately. It was the look Bella got when she was trying not to think, not to remember. It happened whenever I accidentally did or said something that reminded her of the painful months we were apart. I reviewed my last sentence, already telling myself that I would never say any of those words in that order ever again.

I softened my voice and ducked my head so I met her gaze, "Hey, I'm sorry. Forget the wolves. I'm sorry I suggested something offensive to you. I should be more careful."

"He was my best friend, Edward. Of course it offends me."

I knew not to touch her when Bella experienced a panic attack, but it didn't seem like she would get to that point. Not tonight. I reached around the table and ran my fingers through her silky hair. I let my voice get even softer, "Please forgive my thoughtlessness. I shouldn't have suggested that."

She still stared straight ahead. This was what scared me the most, when she shut herself in like this. I could handle the tears and the screaming, but the silence? No. The silence was torture.

I removed my hand from Bella's hair and placed a finger under her chin to coax her into looking at me. "Bella?"

To my immense relief, Bella snapped back to reality. "I know. I know it's not the same thing. I shouldn't have acted that way. It's just that… well, I was already thinking about Jacob before you came over. Charlie says Jake is having a hard time. He's hurting right now, and… it's my fault."

"You've done nothing wrong, Bella."

Bella got up from her seat and walked around the table. I opened my arms for her, and she sat on my lap and nuzzled her face into my neck.

"I know we've talked about this before. Please just listen for a minute, this is so much more important than some whim to drop in on an old friend. Jacob is in pain. I can't not try to help him—I can't give up on him now, when he needs me. Just because he's not human all the time… Well, he was there for me when I was… not so human myself. You don't know what it was like…" My arms went rigid around her.

Bella continued on with her speech, her voice shaking more and more with each word, "If Jacob hadn't helped me… I'm not sure what you would have come home to if he… If you..." She was on the verge of losing it.

"Shhh, Sweetheart. It's alright, I'm here now."

She squeezed her little body closer to my chest as if that was all that mattered.

"Bella," I gently reminded her, "You cannot go to La Push without protection, my love. Jacob can come here, or you two can go anywhere in Forks." I knew it was cruel. I knew it was unfair. But I had come too close to losing my love in the past. I would not lose her again.

Bella whimpered, the sound was a dagger in my heart, "But he won't come here, Edward. He won't answer my calls or any of my letters."

"I am so sorry, Bella. I am not going to tolerate anything dangerous."

"You have to trust me on this. I'll be fine."

She was so trusting, so willing to put her own life in danger for others. I had seen it too many times—offering her life for her mother's with James, risking her life with dangerous stunts to hear my voice, running into a coven of bloodthirsty vampires to save me from destroying myself. I shouldn't be surprised that my brave little angel would not see the harm in interacting with a pack of volatile werewolves for the sake of her friend. She would probably do anything to help him, and that thought frightened me.

"Please, Bella," I whispered.

"Please what?"

"Please, for me. Please make a conscious effort to keep yourself safe. I'll do everything I can, but I would appreciate a little help."

"I'll work on it," she grumbled adorably.

I tucked her head under my chin, "Do you have any idea how important you are to me?" Any concept at all of how much I love you?"

Bella pressed her lips to his neck, "I know how much I love you."

"You compare one small tree to the entire forest."

She made a small sound of disbelief. "Impossible."

I tucked her in closer to me, hopelessly wishing that my love for her would be enough to keep her safe for a little while longer.