Thank you Lalez for the encouragement to get this on paper.

Part 1 - Honesty

Standing there looking at the door, he knew she was just on the other side, broken and upset. He rested his head gently against it for a second. "I'm sorry." He whispered, knowing she wouldn't hear it. "I just need you to know how I feel about you."

After a few moments he stood up and walked back towards the stairs. He too was broken, shattered. For a second time she had shut him down, threw him out, pushed him away and closed that door, literally this time.

Straddling his bike, he knew he needed to tell Molly. Right now, and not a second later. He started the engine and rode across town to Molly's apartment. As he opened the door and shuffled in, she looked up at him from the sofa,

"Hey, you're late, big shift?" She asked closing her book.

"Um, kinda, still hard for everyone, still not normal, still I dunno." He sighed dropping his bag, as his head raced on how he was gunna get these words out. He was terrified of hurting her, but he knew pretending would only hurt her more.

"You wanna talk about it? Or your still not in the mood?" Molly asked, a slight tone of annoyance in her voice. Street heard it and tilted his head as he swallowed the lump in his throat and fiddled with his fingers.

"Um, about Erika and the team struggling?" He looked queryingly at her.

"Yeah," she nodded, "If that's what's bothering you Jim? I just wanna help, I want you to talk to me."

"No, I mean, talking about what we are going through as a team, won't help fix anything. People are hurting and emotional and it's hard."

"Oh, right. Okay, well I'll turn in and leave you be then, there's some dinner in the.."

'Molly," He said interrupting her. She stopped talking and turned back to him. She didn't say anything just looked at him. She could see he was broken, but like she had said this morning it seemed to be more than just Erika's death. She could see he was struggling with something else too. And he was refusing to talk about it, which made her wonder what it was, and why he felt that he couldn't trust her or include her in most facets of his life. This wasn't the first time that he had shut her out. The argument about his mother was still raw and fresh in her mind.

"Can you wait? I need," he began, a slight shake in his voice, "to be honest with you."

Her expression became more serious as her eyebrows furrowed and he stepped closer to the sofa motioning for her to sit down.

"About what Jim?" Molly asked, folding her arms, and remaining where she was.

"You said this morning about there being something else." He glanced at her and shifted uncomfortably. He could tell she felt that something bad was coming. She was frozen, looking defensive, "You were right, there is something."

Molly looked down and nodded. "Chris?" She asked looking back up.

He furrowed his brows and looked at her. Before he could answer she spoke again.

"I mean the entire drive from HQ to work this morning I thought about what you said, the way you kept glancing at her when she walked past, I'm not stupid Jim."

"Molly, I never said you were stupid. But it's just that I, well all of this, losing Erika out in the field like that, realising how it happened so quickly, how easy it is to lose the chance to tell someone something. It made me realise that I have been hiding from the way I feel about her. I have been trying to pretend it isn't there. But it is." He stepped a bit closer to Molly and she held up her hand.

"Stop," She turned away slightly before turning back. "You don't need to say it. It's over, I know."

"Molly, I," He stepped closer. "Jim, just go!" She held up her hand and closed her eyes. "I don't wanna hear it. I want you to go."

He exhaled, defeated, again he was being thrown out before anyone would listen. But inside he knew he deserved that from her right now.

"I'm sorry Molly, I never planned on this all happening. On realising that I feel like this. I just can't hide from acknowledging it, not after everything that has happened, please understand that. I want to explain, please,"

"Does she know?" Molly asked, her voice cold and angry.

"Yes," he nodded with a whisper.

"Go, just get out." She yelled. "And leave my key." She added angrily as she walked to her bedroom. He contemplated walking after her, but his feet felt like they were glued to the floor. He heard her rummaging around, and finally she threw his overnight bag out in the hall and slammed the door.

Jim shuddered at the sound of the slam and stood reeling for a second. Part of him wanted to go an apologise again. But part of him knew that wouldn't achieve anything. So, he took a second, before he gathered up his bag, removed her keys from his keychain and placed them on the side table as he closed the door.

He rode back to Luca's in a daze on autopilot. As he climbed off his bike in the driveway, he realised he did not quiet register the entire journey. He unlocked the door and wandered inside, his stomach felt sick, his head was a mess of fog, thoughts and emotions. Thankfully, Luca didn't appear to be home. Street shuffled up the hall, his feet heavy, he felt crushed. He flopped onto his bed and as his tears fell, and body shook with sobs he drifted of to sleep exhausted.