Oh My God, They Killed Kira!
Chapter 1: Apples
The arid wasteland of the Shinigami Realm stretched ahead for miles on end. The lack of a sun was likely a blessing in disguise, as sunlight would make more of the deadlands visible. However, Ryuk didn't care about any of that. It was lunchtime. Lunch meant an apple from the stash Ryuk had brought back from his last stay in the human world.
"Loo loo loo, I've got some apples. Loo loo loo, you've got some too." Ryuk hummed to himself as he went to fetch his apple. He was in for a surprise.
"Let's all get together and… Wha! My apples! They're gone!" Ryuk checked again, in case he'd missed an apple. He hadn't.
"Siddoh! Have you seen my apples!" Ryuk shouted to his fellow Shinigami.
"What's that? You'll have to get your head out of your ass if you want me to understand you." Siddoh smirked to himself, then took a bite out of a chocolate bar. He'd had a similar idea to Ryuk.
"It's not my fault, it's the withdrawal symptoms!" Ryuk snapped.
"I don't eat apples, and nobody else knew about your stash. You must have eaten them all." Siddoh went away, leaving Ryuk to his predicament.
"No more apples! I can't go back to eating crappy Shinigami apples. They taste terrible! I'll be missing out on so much…" Ryuk stopped his panicking. "Perfect. If I drop my Death Note, I can go to the Human world to get more apples. But I don't want to go to Japan again. I'll go somewhere else…"
00000
Cartman, Kyle, Stan and Kenny were at Stark's Pond, discussing the latest visitors to the town of South Park.
"Damn hippies!" Cartman sulked. "I hate them so much, I want to kick them in the nuts!"
"You should get used to it, Cartman. The hippies will keep coming back, whether you like it or not." Kyle said.
"Mmmhhrpffh." Kenny added. "Mmmbbrrrmpph."
"You guys would want me to put up with the hippies, wouldn't you? Kenny isn't the poorest kid in town while they're around, and Kyle sees how others live without souls."
"Whoa, dude! Not cool!" Stan gasped.
"Why do you have to keep belittling me, fatass?" Kyle asked angrily.
"Yeah!" Kenny mumbled.
"Let's go somewhere else. Maybe Butters can play with us?" Kyle suggested, and he, along with Stan and Kenny, left.
"Don't be such pussies, you guys!" Cartman shouted to them. Kyle flipped him off as he left, infuriating Cartman.
"Damn it, Kyle! As soon as I find a way of giving you Super AIDS, I am doing just that! I am sick of your Jew ass!"
As Cartman ranted and raved, a small black book fell on his head, and dropped into the snow. Cartman picked up the book and read the cover.
"The person whose name is written in this notebook will die." Cartman gripped the book in a stunned silence.
"Oh my God. I have been selected to rid the world of the hippie plague once and for all! Once I've done that, Kyle will be next! Ha ha ha ha hahahahhahahahah!
"Careful there, tubby. I remember what happened to the last person who thought they had been chosen by this book." A voice spoke to Cartman.
"Oh Kyle." Cartman said in a patronising manner. "Are trying to scare me out of using this super awesome book to give you Super AIDS?"
"No. I would like it very much if you used the book. By the way, my name's not Kyle, it's Ryuk." The voice's owner rose out of the lake water. "Aren't you scared, kid?" Ryuk sighed. "People are usually frightened by my appearance."
"I see worse when I close my eyes. Why are you here?" Cartman asked.
"I am the owner of that notebook." Ryuk answered. "You can use it as long as you get me some apples. How do you fancy creating a new world in your image?"
"That would kick ass!" Cartman said. "I will be the God of my New World!"
Ryuk cleared his throat loudly. Cartman looked at him.
"What? You can be Vice President or something."
