Shizuo hadn't wanted to go to the bar in the first place. Hell, he hadn't wanted to come on this damn trip at all.
Kasuka's girlfriend, Ruri or whatever her name was, was going on tour and Kasuka was coming along to film some sort of 'all around Japan romance movie'. Shizuo read the screenplay his little brother had given him, but he didn't get the plot.
"A movie where the guy changes his whole life so he can reunite with his long lost love? It didn't seem realistic at all." He had complained. "How did he find a job so fast? Why was she there in the first place? Why does he suddenly have superpowers? The movie doesn't even say why she ran away from home!"
"It's going to be revealed in the sequel, I signed on for three movies, but the screenplays for those aren't done." Kasuka explained, and took a sip of his coffee.
Shizuo deflated, suddenly feeling embarrassed by his outburst. "Oh…" He sighed, and ran a hand through his brunette hair. "I… I guess that makes sense."
They fell into an awkward silence. Kasuka drank his coffee, while Shizuo poked at his dessert without eating it. He just wasn't hungry, he didn't feel motivated to eat… Or do anything else, really.
"You should come with us, big brother." Kasuka's sudden suggestion jerked Shizuo out of his stupor.
He glanced away from the melting dessert, and frowned at his brother. "What? I… No, I couldn't. I wouldn't want to intrude on you and Ruri, it's your tour. Besides, I don't want to be in the middle of all that famous stuff."
Kasuka shook his head. "You don't have to follow us the whole tour, Shizuo. I just think you should come with us…" He turned his blank expression down to his empty cup. "I… I think it would be good for you to get out of Ikebukuro."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Shizuo growled, his temper quickly flaring.
"It means exactly what I said." Kasuka quickly responded, unafraid by his older brother's tone. "You need to leave the city for a while, big brother. I know you think you're hiding it well, but… I can tell you're depressed. You haven't been eating, you aren't going to work, you stopped dyeing your hair, your temper is much worse than before. You haven't been yourself for a while now, I'm worried about you."
Shizuo flinches, and retreats into himself. He feels guilty for making his little brother fret over him, it should have been the other way around. "I… I'm sorry, Kasuka… It's just been hard ever since…" His mouth suddenly felt dry, and he quickly looked away.
Kasuka leaned forward slightly. "Since Orihara-san died?"
He flinched again as the memories assaulted him. The image of a bloody Izaya kneeling down, Varona's gun pointed at his head just before the flashbang went off. When they all recovered, Izaya's body was gone. Was he dead? Did Varona kill him? He had no idea, but the guilt killed threatened to overwhelm him every day.
"He… He was a bastard, Kasuka. He tried to kill me, several times… And now that he's gone, people whisper about me, about how I killed him… Some people congratulated me!" He shudders at the memory of those satisfied faces. "He was a monster, but… But why do I feel so guilty about what happened?"
His little brother's blank expression weakened, and his eyebrows knit together in pity towards Shizuo. "That's because you're human, big brother." He answered, as if the answer was obvious. "Even after everything that man put you through, you still have compassion and mourn his death. You are a kind person, Shizuo."
Shizuo sighed and turned his gaze to the worn table in his apartment, scratching his long nails against it. "I don't feel that way… I feel like a monster."
Kasuka's hand was quick to rest on top of his own and squeeze. "That's why you should come with us. Being surrounded by all those memories isn't good for you, your pain can't heal if you stay where it hurts." His other hand came to rest on top of the first. "Forget your troubles for a little while, take some time to care for yourself and heal. Please?"
The debt collector looked at his little brother. Despite the almost blank expression, Shizuo could easily see the desperation in his eyes. He knew Kasuka was very worried, and that only made him feel worse. How could he feel better when he didn't feel like he deserved to feel better?
Eventually, once Kasuka's hopeful plea managed to make it to his weakened heart, Shizuo let out a defeated sigh. Well, I could at least go for Kasuka's sake. He deserves happiness, even if I don't.
"Alright, little brother, I'll go with you."
That was how Shizuo managed to find himself dragged around Japan on a mixture of a musical tour and an acting job. Kasuka and Ruri were very busy, but they tried their best to include Shizuo in whatever they were doing.
The debt collector tried to be enthusiastic and enjoy himself, he really did, but nothing he tried would get rid of the clawing weight in his soul. He just wanted to be alone, and forget about his past for as long as he could. He spent the majority of the trip holed up in whatever hotel they found themselves in, trying to avoid the headaches of paparazzi or his brother's saddened gaze.
After spending nearly half the trip this way, Kasuka seemed to become fed up. He showed up at Shizuo's hotel room in Sopporo after the movie screening, a freshly pressed suit in hand. He practically tossed at Shizuo, already dressed in a similar one. "Get the suit on."
"I don't want to go." Shizuo was quick to declare, as he had many times before.
"I don't care." Kasuka crossed his arms with frustration rolling off of him. "The screening went well, and the director wants to take us to some fancy bar to celebrate. You're coming with us, no arguing."
Shizuo sighed. "Kasuka… I really don't want to... "
His little brother wouldn't hear it. He quickly shook his head. "Shizuo, you came on this trip to try and feel better. But how are you supposed to get better if you don't even try?"
His temper flared, and his mouth moved without his permission. "You think some stupid fucking party for a dumb movie will make me feel better?!"
For the briefest moment, Kasuka's eyes flared with hurt at Shizuo's outburst. He took a step backwards, lowered his head, and let out a sad sigh. "It would make me feel better… If my big brother was happy."
"Wait, Kasuka! I didn't mean to-"
Shizuo was too late, Kasuka hurried out of the hotel room before he could apologize for his own stupid mouth. He let out a frustrated growl, gripping his shaggy brown hair as he flopped down against the bed.
"Why do I hurt everyone around me? Even my own brother! I'm a fucking monster, that's all I am…" He declared to nobody, except perhaps to himself, a reminder of how he could never be loved because of what he was.
His self-hatred and sadness was weighing him down, and part of him wanted to let himself sink, but the guilt he felt towards Kasuka forced him back up. As much as he didn't want to go, he had to, especially after what he said to his little brother.
The first thing Shizuo noticed when he walked into the bar was that Kasuka wasn't lying when he mentioned the bar was fancy.
The building was at least four stories high, with a large foyer and a high ceiling that showed the floors above them. Everyone was dressed extremely fancy, while different types of music played on different floors. Despite being a bar that you had to be well known to get into, it was packed with people and very loud.
Shizuo tugged on his red tie as he glanced around, the booming music matching his frantic heartbeat. He felt like a fish out of water, this place was much too fancy for someone like him. He was just a plus one, he shouldn't even be here.
"Kasuka-kun! Ruri-chan!" A voice called. The trio turned their attention towards the noise, and Shizuo recognized the balding old man who was the director of the movie.
They approached, and the old man eagerly bowed to them. "I'm glad you all could make it!" His eyes landed on Ruri and Kasuka, but not Shizuo. "The screening was a hit! And people adored the soundtrack from you, Ruri-chan! We must celebrate! Come with me, I got us into the VIP section!"
They walked up four flights of stairs before the director stopped in front of a velvet rope, guarded by a bouncer. He hesitated, and then turned back to the three of them. "Ah, I'm sorry Kasuka-kun. I was able to get your brother inside, but getting him into VIP is not possible…"
Kasuka's usual frown grew the slightest bit deeper. "If my brother can't come, then I will not either-"
Shizuo felt himself begin to grow irritated again, he didn't want his brother to have a bad time because of him. He walked between the two and held up his hands. "You go ahead, Kasuka, I'll be fine out here."
The younger man turned to face him, his eyes suspicious. "You're not leaving, are you?"
"No, no! I promised you I'd stay, didn't I?" He motioned to the bar around them. "I'll just explore around the bar, and we can meet up later. Text me and keep me posted, okay?"
Kasuka took a few moments before he finally admitted defeat. "Alright… I'll see you in a few hours, big brother." Then, he and Ruri followed the director past the unmoving bouncer and into the VIP section.
Shizuo quickly walked away, and tried to not let his anxiety get the better of him. What was I thinking coming here? Of course I couldn't go with them. Kasuka's a movie star, Ruri's a pop star, I'm just a disgusting murderer.
He went back to the bottom floor, but he was quickly overwhelmed. The bounding music, the dancing bodies. It was all overwhelming, suffocating. He felt his lungs begin to constrict, his heart felt like it was being squeezed tightly, and his vision began to fade in and out.
The debt collector wanted to get away from the things making him panic, so he retreated up the stairs. When he hit the second floor, the pounding music was still there. The third, it was the same way. He got to the fourth, avoiding VIP altogether, and stumbled to the nearest couch as he began to run out of breath.
He sat down on a plush couch, burying his face in his hands, and taking large breaths to try and calm himself down. The music was gone, but the suffocating feeling was still there. Why won't it go away? Why am I still panicking? Why, why, why-
Then, a gentle note in the air made him freeze. He blinked slowly, and allowed himself to raise his head. His head was still spinning, the chatter of people was still rather loud, but he could just make out the sound of gentle piano music somewhere nearby.
Shizuo climbed off the couch, his arms hugging himself as he wandered around in search of the sound. On the very end of the fourth floor, there was a large room, where the music downstairs was completely silenced.
Another group of fancily dressed people were in there, but they were quiet and fixated on the stage. Shizuo followed their gaze, and noticed a suit wearing young man sitting in front of a piano. His hands were pale in the fluorescent light, and pressed the keys with the precision of a surgeon.
The music was gentle, and soothing. Shizuo found himself calming enough to focus on more than the hands pressing the keys. The suit-clad man had long black hair, with bangs that fell in his face, and glasses that bridged on the very edge of his nose. He was concentrated, but relaxed at the same time.
As the pianist played, Shizuo found himself falling into a near trance. He felt calm, and at peace, a feeling so foreign to him that he thought he was falling asleep at first. He slowly edged himself into a corner, closed his eyes, and listened.
The songs continued for what must have been hours, every now and then the tune would change to something different, but all of the tunes left Shizuo with the feeling of bliss, and happiness.
Much too soon for Shizuo's liking, the pianist's hands stopped playing on a final note, and he was done. The crowd erupted in gentle applause, but it was enough to break Shizuo out of his stupor. After a moment of surprise, he quickly clapped as well.
The pianist pushed his glasses up, and bowed his head slightly to the crowd, but Shizuo noticed he looked more anxious than he did when he was performing. Perhaps that was what caused him to do what he did next.
As the crowd of people cleared the room, Shizuo slowly approached the stage. The pianist gently put the cover back over the ivory keys, and closed the music book. He looked over, and jolted slightly at the sight of the approaching brunette. "Oh… Hello…"
"Hi…" Shizuo's cheeks turned pink, and he was quiet for a moment as he tried to figure out what to say, he had never been good with words. "Um… I liked your music."
"Oh… Thank you…"
Shizuo's blush got worse, he felt like he was wasting this person's time, but his mouth moved without him. "It was really good. Really good. I like it a lot better than that stupid music downstairs! N-not that that music is bad either, it's just not my thing and…" His throat felt dry, why was his heart racing? He let out an awkward laugh. "I didn't expect a fancy place like this to have club music playing!"
Rather than being disgusted or confused by Shizuo's outburst, the stranger just seemed mildly amused. He let out a breathy laugh, and shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah… I guess it is a little weird, isn't it?"
"No wonder they put you on the fourth floor, it's much quieter up here!" Shizuo exclaimed. Why are you still talking?
"Not everyone likes the loud music, I guess." The stranger said with a shrug. "Plus the more expensive alcohol is up here."
"It is? So people come to see your music and get fancy drinks?" The brunette questioned.
The stranger shrugged again. He does that a lot, doesn't he? "They're here for the fancy drinks, not for silly piano music."
Shizuo suddenly felt a need to defend himself. "W-well I haven't had a drink yet. I came to listen to you, not pay sixty thousand yen for a drink. And it was worth it, you are a really good musician."
The pale cheeks became a bright pink color. "I… T-thanks…"
They fell into an awkward silence for a few moments before Shizuo managed to gather some bravery once more. "Um… I-If you're not busy, maybe you'd like to have a drink together? I- I don't know anyone else here…"
The stranger once again looked surprised, and his blush grew stronger. "O-oh… Sure. Give me one second."
He scooted to the edge of the piano bench, and reached for something. When he got to his feet, Shizuo realized that he was using a pair of forearm crutches to walk. His legs shook a little, and his breathing was a little heavy, but he managed to make his way to Shizuo.
"Are you… Okay?" Shizuo asked, worried for the pianist he barely knew.
The stranger nodded, his glasses slipping the slightest bit. "I'm fine… They're new crutches, still getting used to them." He motioned for Shizuo. "F-follow me, there's a bar this way."
Shizuo found himself feeling happy for the first time in a while as he kept close to the stranger. "I thought you said the expensive drinks were up here?" He questioned with a teasing tone.
"Don't worry, employees get discounts," The stranger promised him , an amused grin on his face.
The debt collector chuckled and nodded. "Alright then, lead the way."
Shizuo would later admit, he wasn't sure how he managed to pull off what he did. One minute he was sitting at a bar with a handsome pianist that he didn't even know the name of, and the next, they were in Shizuo's hotel room with the sun peeking through the curtains.
The blonde blinked blearily and turned his head away from the harsh morning light, and realized there was someone else in his bed.
When he managed to see through the haze of his hangover, he realized it was the pianist he had awkwardly spoken to the night before.
The memories flooded back to Shizuo like a broken dam. He remembered everything about that night clearly. They had a few drinks, Shizuo began to flirt, and somehow the handsome pianist had been wooed by it. They came back to the hotel, and….
Shizuo ran a hand over his face and blushed. Oh my god, I just had sex with some random dude from a bar. What was I thinking?! Despite his thoughts, he couldn't find it in himself to be ashamed of what happened.
His gaze returned to the pianist, and his stomach filled with butterflies again. The man was just so alluring, Shizuo couldn't help but look him over.
Without his glasses to obscure his face, Shizuo could take in every detail. His hair was messy from their night before, his expression a relaxed one in his slumber.
His body was mostly covered by the blanket, but Shizuo noticed the several scars on the man's body. His arms had what looked like surgical scars, and there were bigger ones on his stomach and side. He was too skinny, it made Shizuo want to run down to the hotel breakfast and make sure the man ate.
Shizuo's quiet observations were broken as the young man next to him began to stir. His eyes opened, and their color stunned Shizuo. A gentle red color which reminded him painfully of someone no longer living, someone whom he had killed…
Could it be…? But the memories flashed again, and Shizuo remembered the horrible damage he had caused before the flashbang made the raven vanish. No, it was impossible.
The pianist sat up, rubbing a hand over those ruby eyes, he turned to glance at Shizuo. Instantly, a blush overcame his pale cheeks and he looked down at the blanket covering his lap.
"I… I… That was really good…" The pianist whispered softly.
Shizuo felt his own cheeks heat up in turn, and rubbed the back of his neck. "It was…" He looked at the stranger with sudden intensity. "I don't do that a lot, just so you know."
The stranger let out an amused snort, it seemed their night together had helped his nervousness. "Don't do what? Awkwardly approach piano players and then sleep with them?"
"W-what? No I-" He saw the stranger chuckling and realized he was being teased. "Oh, you know what I mean!"
The pianist waved his hand with a small chuckle. "I know, I know." He let his hand fall, and smiled. "I don't do that much either…"
They fell into a comfortable silence as Shizuo got up and began to gather his clothes, while the stranger ran a hand through his messy black locks.
As he set the pianists clothes on the bed, he wondered if sending the man home in a wrinkly suit was a bad idea. He hummed in thought, and then moved to his suitcase. He pulled out one of his pullover sweaters, and tossed it to the raven haired man.
The pianist caught it with surprisingly fast reflexes, and looked at him curiously. "Is this for me?"
"Um… Yeah. A suit this early in the morning seems uncomfortable so… You can keep it." He shrugged his shoulders.
The stranger smiled and pulled on the comfortable pullover, which was much too big for him, put his glasses on, and then looked at his phone. He scooted to the edge of the bed, and reached for his crutches. "I have to go, I'm sorry."
"Oh…" Shizuo couldn't help but feel dismayed. "Well… Um… I guess I should have expected that from the whole 'one night stand' thing, huh?"
Now fully dressed, the stranger looked at him and shrugged his shoulders. "I-I mean… It doesn't have to be…"
Shizuo gave the stranger a hopeful expression. "Really?"
"You're staying here for a little longer, right?" At Shizuo's nod, the stranger continued,"I work at that bar almost every night. If you ever want to… W-well, you know where to find me."
Shizuo smiled, happy that he wouldn't have to say goodbye to the handsome stranger so soon. But a thought occurred to him. "How will I find you if I don't know your name?"
The pianist appeared conflicted for a moment, as if he was unsure what to reply with. But the look vanished almost as soon as it appeared. "My name is Saitou Arata."
He wouldn't lie, part of him was disappointed that the stranger hadn't given him a specific name. Maybe it was for the best that he hadn't, so Shizuo pushed those feelings away. "Arata… I like that name, it suits you."
Arata returned the compliment with a small smile. "Thank you… What about you?"
Shizuo almost replied with his true name, but something stopped him. Perhaps it was an irrational fear, but what if Arata knew who he was? Shizuo had lost many potential friends or lovers once they discovered his true name, and realized he was the monster of Ikebukuro. Even if they had only known each other for less than a day, he didn't want to lose Arata too.
"Suzuki Osata."
The pianist nodded. "Well, Osata-kun… I hope to see you again soon."
"You too, Arata-kun."
The pianist departed, and Shizuo found himself alone. He knew he had just dressed, but he flopped back on the bed with a sigh. He hadn't expected anything like that to happen, but he was very happy it did.
His time with Arata, speaking with him and doing… other things with him, it was the best Shizuo had felt in years. Perhaps this was what Kasuka meant when he said to forget his troubles and take care of himself. Arata left him feeling genuinely happy, and he couldn't wait to have that feeling again.
At a large apartment building in Sapporo, the pianist that went by the name Arata limped up to his apartment, unlocked the door, and went inside.
Instantly the raven haired man was greeted by a trill of meows as a small tortoiseshell cat with long fur ran to meet him.
Carefully maneuvering his crutches around the weaving cat, Arata managed to get to the old couch and sit down with his crutches gently placed next to him. The cat was quick to hop into his lap, and stare up at him while releasing loud purrs.
"Hello, Meiko-chan. Did you miss me?" He asked her, his shaky hand running over her fur.
Unlike how she usually leaned eagerly in the touch, the cat stared at him with what could be called an accusatory glance, as if she was demanding to know why her owner hadn't come home.
"Ah, I'm sorry, girl. I didn't mean to leave you alone all night, but… I met someone at work last night. He was… Well, he was a disaster, but he was sweet."
Meiko let out another chirp, and leaned into his waiting hand.
Arata smiled. "Who was he? Well, I'm not sure myself. He called himself Osata, but it seemed to me like he came up with it on the spot. I wonder what he was hiding…"
The man sighed and shook his head. "Ah, maybe I'm being hypocritical. I didn't exactly use my real name either, did I?" He shrugged his shoulders. "Sometimes I forget I'm not Orihara Izaya any more, and not everything is some big conspiracy. Maybe Osata is just Osata."
He grabbed the pullover sweater he still wore, and pulled it up against his face. It still smelled like Osata, a mixture of something sweet and cigarette smoke. The latter reminded him of someone he knew many years ago, but it couldn't possibly be him. Heiwajima Shizuo was probably living his life happily, knowing he didn't have to deal with a disgusting monster like Izaya anymore.
As he thought those hateful thoughts, Izaya's face became overwhelmed with insecurity and fear. "Was it wrong of me to sleep with him?" He wondered aloud. "He wants to see me, and I want to see him too but… What if we get found again? What if we have to move?"
Meiko let out a small, gentle meow and gave his knuckles a rough lick.
"Ah, I know. We've been here for two years and nobody's found us, but… I'll always be afraid that it could happen." He looked out the window, at the beautiful scenery of the city. "I like our life here, I like being Arata… I'd hate to lose everything…"
But then he remembered Osata's gentle voice, his kisses, the embrace they shared, and found his blush returning. "Maybe… just this once, I can take a chance. He makes me feel really happy, like I deserve to be happy…" His blush faded away as his lips turned into a frown. "But after all the things I've done, I don't think I do…"
Meiko let out another quiet mew, and licked her owner's cheek. Then, she hopped off the couch and trotted towards the small kitchen, looking back with a louder meow.
Izaya chuckled and reached over to grab his crutches again. "Alright, alright, I'll get you some wet food, you spoiled rotten cat."
The ex-informant broker pushed away thoughts of the past as he returned to his daily routine, all the while wondering when he might see the intriguing Osata again.
