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Disclaimer: No own InuYasha or its characters, or its plotlines…but I have created so much of my own, damnit, that aspects belong to me. ;)

Title is loosely translates from Jizen which means 'prior to', and Kaerizaku which means 'to come back'

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Jizen Kaerizaku

Before I Can Return

Chapter 1 - Sanity: Utterances to an Inanimate Object

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"Hello again," she said softly in the pre-dawn light, kneeling down beside her forgotten friend, "I know its been a while since I came to see you, but I just couldn't handle it until now."

Her comrade did not respond, but that was alright, she was used to it, "It's been five years now, did you know? Five years since I was stranded here…everyone is very happy. Shippou is growing so quickly, InuYasha has two daughters now, Sango and Miroku have three sons who are all just like their father," she laughed light heartedly, her eyes seeming dull to her old friend. They had always shone so brightly, but now they seemed so far away.

"So, I guess its alright, then. I got what I wanted, right? Everyone is happy…" her voice cracked and the blue-eyed woman hunched over, her fingers digging into her lost friend, "But why does it seem like what I have done doesn't matter? I have no place in the world now! None of them need me…not even Shippou anymore.

"I don't regret what I have done, how can I? Look at all its given them…but why do I feel so hollow? Is it so wrong to want a bit of that happiness for myself? Sure, I use my powers as a miko to help out, but I can't even use that as a profession because it isn't in my heart to. In this era, since I am not a miko, I am an old spinster by now…nearly twenty three years old and unmarried. Gods, that is my biggest problem. I need a man!"

Shaking off her light laughter she pulled out her small blade that she kept with her and smiled solemnly, "New death to add. The baka toad got himself killed last month, and since his master was no longer here to revive him, we had to bury him. Rin was heartbroken, and she's hardly speaking lately, even to me. She's such a good girl, it just breaks my heart to see her so depressed.

"Then again, I guess I understand. Jaken was her last link to Sesshoumaru, and she really looked up to the imp. Well down in a literal sense, but you know what I mean, don't you? Speaking of Sesshoumaru, Rin and I will be taking the dragon to visit him today, since this is the five year anniversary of his loss as well as mine. So much was lost that day…"

Kagome sighed and dug the penknife into the what would be the backside of Bone-Eater's well in her time, carving simple kanji into the ancient wood. A third name to join the others. Sure, the toad hadn't meant much to her, but he was relentlessly loyal and had come in handy quite a few times. She actually dreaded taking the yearly trip to Sesshoumaru's gravesite without him. Sesshoumaru's uncle, the new Lord, was even more coldhearted than his nephew had been, and he liked to give the two ningen women trouble for coming to pay their respects.

"I hope to pay my respects to everyone this way, because I know this will stand the test of time. I will add everyone's name as they go…since because of my upbringing in the future, the vaccinations and such, my life expectancy is longer. Of course, a youkai could take that all away, but in a best case scenario I am likely to outlive everyone but Rin and Shippou and everyone's children. Then again, what's 'best case' about that?" she sulked, her eyes clouding over even more, "Isn't it bad enough that I've lost everything I ever hoped to keep? Now I will have to watch those I love most die, then die myself.

"I never even got to tell Momma goodbye…and I never will be able to. Maybe Shippou will live long enough to tell her for me…and Souta, the little brat…and Grandpa…" she shakily inhaled a breath and closed her eyes, picturing her family in her mind, "I miss them, my friend. I miss them terribly. It feels like I've lost them like I've lost Kouga and Sesshoumaru…and InuYasha. Yes, I've lost him. As a human…he just isn't the same. And Kikyou has tamed him so much.

"Never thought I'd be friends with her, but we get along well. We're so different, but now that she is living she is much kinder than she used to be. She apologized to me for her transgressions, but I had forgiven her long ago. I am just glad InuYasha can be happy, even if it means the rift between us grows every day."

The sun, by now, was cresting the horizon and Kagome stood and smiled down at the seemingly innocuous old well that was her entire reason for the life she now led, "I must go to Rin, I am sure she is awake by now. Oh, and this summer you are gaining a house around you…it was InuYasha's idea. I will come back another time…but for now, I really do feel better. Now, if I could only find someone who could talk back to me…"

She turned away and began down the still familiar pathway to the village once more, not looking back. Somehow, something within her told her this would be a brand-new day.

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A/N: And so goes my first chapter in my new story. XD It is meant to be vague, you understand more as the story goes on.

Yes, by most standards this WILL be a weird story. Because, of course, most people's eyes bug out of their head at the idea of an InuPapa/Kags pairing…I did too the first time I saw a description for it. Then I coughed and shook my head. I really don't remember why I read one afterall…but it was Jaxxia/Nefra's lovely one on AFF, and I fell in love. And InuPapa is gorgeous. -hearts and flowers and sparkles-

Mattaki will be his name, and his personality will be rather like it was in 'His Past, Her Present, Their Future', except with the obvious lack of Sesshoumaru/Kagome. XD But yes, I adore him, and he's comin' back, people!!! I even have a good way to make it happen! Huzah!