AN: Uhhh...Yea I meant to go back to my normal fandoms. I feel like I need something lighter from Rhett and Scarlett to transition to my normal fandoms. You guys may hate this (lol. seriously you guys are not actually a light material crowd).
Where we are in the story: We are deviating from canon during Rhett's proposal scene. There is no "yes," she sticks to her plan and turns Rhett down. She's had her life-altering event and all those realizations she tells Rhett about and actually goes forward based on those realizations.
Linger
Tara
March 1868
There were days when she hated herself. Hated herself for sending Rhett away with the answer of no. They were often days when Suellen was trying her very last nerve. So she tended to hate herself for at least an hour a day, sometimes two.
There had been some foolishness within her that had stopped her from saying yes, for at least not savoring Rhett Butler finally proposing to her. She could have had such fun with it, if only she hadn't been so drunk.
Oh she had married for spite, she had married for money, those had turned out horrifically, she was sure marrying because she was drunk would be the same.
In that hour or two a day, she wondered about the third time being the charm. Then in the next moment, she would recall, fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. She imagined she would have to find a word far greater than fool to describe herself if she married again.
Locked in the house with another baby while the first two were still clawing at her and demanding her attention.
As if Ella were aware of her mother's thoughts, she chose that moment to let loose a pocket of drool from inside her mouth as she fell asleep at her mother's breast because she would only ever go down for a nap after nursing despite being fully capable of actually eating.
The act pulled Scarlett away from her thoughts and into her reality, the nursery at Tara. It had been a great room once, practically far grander than their formal parlor for all of her father's beloved heirs that had never lasted. The wallpaper had once been maroon flowers with teal branches weaving between them. Edges and corners constantly lifted now, despite how they did their best to repair them, the colors were warped and faded depending on the area of the room. A window had been blown out at some point and Will hadn't noticed it before it caused water damage to the room, in particular floorboards that didn't quite sit right. Suellen had taken the original drapes down after Beau left and hadn't thought to close the shutters and the wallpaper facing those windows was bleached, along with the nursery rhyme paintings. Scarlett could still recall when they had been hung even though she'd only been six and how she used to study every one. Wade's bed was a brass bed, Careen's small brass bed. It was the only thing in the room that gleamed, she and Mammy had spent hours polishing the bed. A gleaming brass bed, in a faded and peeling room that was unusually dark in one corner because wood still covered where there had once been glass.
Scarlett was tethered to the children, like vices, like shackles. Wade was finally out of the house for part of the day with school. Scarlett happily left Ella with Suellen twice a day to personally escort Wade to the small schoolhouse, he was far too young and there weren't enough children around anymore for him to make his way any other way.
Scarlett relished the time away from the house, recalling her drives through the woods to the mills. She had done such a wonderful job hiding away from the world, the only shame was she couldn't hide away from her family. Ella seemed to take up such a trying amount of time, Scarlett often wished she could drop the little girl into Mammy or Prissy's arms, but nothing ever truly took that long. She controlled the household and plantation accounts, but they were nothing like the mills or the store. Caring for Ella as trying as she was tended to be better than actual household chores.
Scarlett stood from the rocking chair and moved to put the little girl down in her crib and smoothed back Frank's awful gingered hair, gave a small smile as Ella nuzzled into her pillow and her bottom popped up slightly in the air, and pulled the knit blanket over her daughter.
She walked over to the basin and gave a cursory look in the mirror above it. She looked wonderful despite her advancing age and the burden of having two children. It was a shame she was trapped out in the country, trapped where socializing meant widows coming together to lament over their lost spouses and children.
She was done with her widow's rags and she'd certainly not wear them again, the cost of that was life in the country. No more courting, no more marriage. She poured some water into the basin and proceeded to dip a cloth in it, wiping down her breast…Oh the indignities of motherhood. How it could continue on after pregnancy and labor still astonished her. She exchanged the cloth for a dry one and proceeded to button her dress once she was sure it wouldn't be graced with a wet spot. She ran a hand along her stomach, it was very nearly back to where it had been before Ella. She would have to get Prissy to truly lace up her stays one day to see where exactly she was. Not that she was going anywhere she needed to wear stays for.
It was all still such a waste. Perhaps that was why she thought of Rhett so often. Thought of the fun he had offered her, even though she knew it was a lie. She was still so pretty, she still wanted to be adored and courted. It wasn't fair that life had turned out this way. Of course, she hated lingering on that because then she was simply Suellen.
Life had happened.
The war had happened.
It could truthfully be worse. Frank could still be alive and her body could be misshapen with another baby. Penance for stealing a man who had loved her sister. For as guilty as she felt life was still better at Tara than it had been married to Frank.
Perhaps it could have been better with Rhett. How he kissed, oh he'd very nearly made her lose her head the last night. She had very nearly said yes because of his kiss.
He had made her want to push back his jacket and see if he was truly as strong as he seemed.
Her hand lingered on her stomach, perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad if it were Rhett's. Perhaps he would actually be nice. Two years of being misshapen could very well be worth it if made Rhett be nice. She laughed away the silliness of the thought, the idea of Rhett ever being truly nice for longer than a few moments.
Still though, the idea of him lingered. She was certain there could be more to marital relations than what had occurred between her and Charlie or her and Frank. Her pregnancy was very nearly a welcome relief to keep Frank off her.
She couldn't quite imagine Rhett pawing at her as Charlie and Frank had. Her eyes closed, she very nearly rolled her head to the side imagining Rhett's lips upon her neck, she felt her hand drift south and she opened her eyes and stared at her startled reflection in the mirror.
Oh yes, it was a waste, so much had been wasted because of the war.
She gave a look over to Ella and wondered why her mother had never told her, why she had let her live in ignorance over what her life would be. She knew now, knew every silent moment her mother sat on the sofa, every smile that never touched her eyes. Life wasn't about enjoyment; it was about acceptance.
o-o-o
Scarlett was so very glad she had a hand on the railing as she began to take the stairs because as she took that first step, she saw him. Saw the source of her relief and regret. He was at the bottom of the stairs, looking particularly un-dandy. There wasn't a frill in sight. His black coat, gray vest and black tie. The white of his collar made his smile even brighter as he looked up at her.
The thrill of seeing him quickly passed as she took in the sight of him in his fine clothes in their once grand hallway. She thanked god she'd insisted on spending the money to repair and paint the walls at least, the stairwell itself gleamed, there wasn't much left, but what they had Scarlett would be damned if wasn't its best.
She recalled the dress she was wearing. There was no frill at her collar, no flounce, the buttons flat and unappealing to a toddler's eye. It was blue, the color was nice, the shade reminded her of a bachelor blue, which was fitting considering she was seeing Rhett, the cut was certainly fitting for him, it dipped entirely too low according to Suellen, but Suellen's child was only months old, she'd understand eventually the bother of doing up that many buttons so many times.
"Rhett, what a wonderful surprise," she plastered a smile on her face and threw her shoulders even further back.
"Honey, you look wonderful. Here I thought you'd waste away in the country."
"Hardly," she continued to smile and thought of how much better the moment would be if only her sister weren't standing there looking appalled at their manners, "why you know I love Tara more than anywhere." Her breath caught as she took the final steps to him for he had moved to the bottom step, she was so very nearly his height, it would be so very easy to kiss him. They both froze as they were inches away. She shot her sister a dirty look when Suellen cleared her throat and damn him if she didn't see Rhett smirk. "Could you send Prissy into the parlor with some tea, I'm sure Captain Butler is parched from his journey."
"Absolutely parched, I would be ever so grateful Mrs. Benteen," his Charleston drawl was suddenly more charming than ever, that cad.
Scarlett kept the docile smile affixed to her face as her sister agreed, then took Rhett's offered arm as she walked them towards the parlor, the family parlor seeing as the other one was completely bare with shuttered windows.
"May I close the doors?" he asked as they crossed the threshold.
Her mind reminded her of Mammy and Suellen. Of her mother's horror over doing such a thing, for her mother was always present once more, despite her death. Seeing Rhett though for the first time in a year, she would have likely had the same reaction if her mother were in the flesh sitting on the sofa judging them instead of just her ghost. She nodded, a small and nearly imperceptible nod, but she nodded.
In the blink of an eye the doors were shut and she was swept into his arms, those strong arms and pressed into that broad and firm chest. He felt so good, he felt even better than she had remembered. Being in his arms and his kiss was so different than all the rest of the gentlemen who had woo-ed her, he had always been so different than all the rest. There wasn't a moment to savor the fact that Rhett Butler after a year had followed her into the country. He had made threats upon his goodbye that she weren't to marry another man and to write him if she changed her mind about not marrying. He simply felt so good and she wanted nothing more than to push that jacket off his shoulders.
She was bereft when his lips left hers, but they didn't go far, they trailed down her neck, her entire body clamored for his attention. She wanted him upon her lips, but also along her neck, it seemed impossible being as big as he was that there wasn't enough of him to satisfy her.
"Ah. Have you missed me Scarlett?" the heat of his breath as he spoke in between kisses along her neck did even more to her than just the kisses.
"Not for a second."
"Liar," he said going to capture her in another kiss, which she willingly and eagerly returned. "Should I keep you like this until your sister returns and force your hand into marriage?"
"Mammy would box my ears." His words should have made her push him away, but she only wanted to pull him closer.
He put her aside and the Rhett she was so often used to returned, "Best put yourself to rights then."
She was startled as he pulled back and viewed her with indifference, but it snapped her into action, she rushed over to a mirror, one of the few things that still hung on their walls, it was cracked, but was still serviceable. "Oh there's no putting this to rights," she shot an angry look at him. Her lips were red and swollen, she was fairly certain his trail of kisses along her neck had left the area pink as well, only she was flushed, there was no hiding what they had just done.
He smirked and dropped his body into a chair far too small for his large frame, "How are the children?"
"Fine," she said as she fixed her hair. "Wade's at school now."
"School," Rhett wondered, "feels like only yesterday we were taking tea with him sitting on the floor playing with his blocks."
"He still does only now they're houses," she remarked recalling her son's misery from the previous day as his sister crashed into his building. She gave up on righting herself, Suellen knew exactly what she was doing anything, even if she could perfect her appearance Suellen wouldn't believe it. "How is your ward?" Scarlett asked as she opened the doors to have Suellen practically fall in.
"It's highly improper to shut the doors with a male guest," Suellen remarked.
"Well I'd much rather be gossiped about than have topics of a personal nature discussed amongst the servants," Scarlett snarkily returned. "We have moved onto the topic of children, I just asked Captain Butler about his ward."
"You have a ward Captain Butler?" Suellen said moving to sit on the sofa, following after Scarlett.
"I do, his name is Lawrence, I have him in a school in New Orleans, he's very nearly nine. I actually haven't been to see him yet, but their correspondence indicates he's doing well."
"Did you come straight here from England?" Scarlett questioned.
"We landed in Charleston, I spent two days with my mother and sister and then yes, I returned to Atlanta. I admit, I was quite surprised to not find you there."
"I do believe I informed you of my plans to return to Tara before your departure." She had missed this. Missed sitting across from Rhett and simply talking.
"I must admit Mrs. Kennedy, I did believe that was your grief talking."
A flash of guilt betrayed Scarlett as her eyes darted to Suellen. "Without Frank I thought it would be best for the children to be raised in the country as I was."
"You moved here for the children," there was a sparkle in his eye as he reiterated her words.
"Of course, everything is for my children."
Suellen cleared her throat.
Rhett smirked.
Scarlett scowled.
"So Captain Butler did you come out just to visit or does other business send you out of Atlanta?" Suellen asked.
"Actually I came to see about some land."
Scarlett frowned. She had practically preened at how quickly he had made it to Atlanta and out of it.
"Really?" Suellen smiled.
"Pine Bloom," he supplied, "I believe it's nearby."
"The Calvert's?" Scarlett nearly whispered, recalling the happy dances and Cade near death, Cathleen's horrible fall with the despicable Yankee.
"It is one of the few that still has a house," he supplied.
"Not much of one," Scarlett remarked.
Suellen shot her a look, "I'm sure my husband would be happy to ride out with you to look at the soil. I do believe they were spared-"
"Oh I'm not a farmer," that easy grin of his appeared at the same time Prissy did with their refreshments.
Scarlett scoffed, Rhett not being a farmer was a grand understatement as she set about making his tea just as she knew he liked it.
"What would you do with the land?"
"A stud farm," he supplied.
"Horses?" Scarlett questioned in shock as she moved to hand him his tea.
He accepted the cup, "Thank you Mrs. Kennedy. Thoroughbreds, the finest stock. The land needs a new purpose."
"Well that's certainly an idea," Suellen looked excited by the prospect of it.
"It will take ages for that to become profitable," Scarlett attempted to crush his plan.
"You forget my dear, I have ages. I have gone to England settled my finances. I can wait on long term investments, cool my heels in the country."
"You'd be bored to death in the country," Scarlett said looking directly at Rhett forgetting Suellen was even in the room as she forgot to make her a cup of tea and Suellen was forced to lean forward to make her own as Scarlett sat back with hers.
"Oh the country has its charms, but you're right of course Scarlett. I imagine I'll travel quite a bit. I'll have to at least for the purposes of selecting stock."
"Who will manage this stud farm while you're gone?"
"Don't you worry Scarlett, I'll find a reputable manager. I've certainly heard the horror stories just as you."
"I imagine Mrs. Tarleton will be the first to apply," Suellen smiled.
Scarlett let out an unexpected laugh and turned towards her sister, "She will at least be over visiting every day."
"Sounds welcoming," he smiled.
"Of course," Scarlett nodded.
He chuckled. It was deep and rich and she had missed it so.
"How was Atlanta?" Scarlett asked.
"Fine, I only arrived late yesterday afternoon. I called in on Miss Pitty. Mrs. Wilkes was visiting with her."
"How lucky that you avoided India," Scarlett remarked.
"Scarlett," this time her sister verbally scolded her.
Scarlett gave a gentle shrug as Rhett smirked.
"How is Melly?" Suellen asked.
"Wonderful, I promised to share with you that she sends her regards and hopes to see you soon," that easy smile of his did such things to Scarlett.
"So what made you decide upon your stud farm out in Clayton County, why not closer to your family?"
"The marshes are not ideal for horses, Scarlett. I'd rather not worry about losing a prize stud to a broken leg when it can be avoided."
"Is that the only reason?" Scarlett remarked.
"Georgia certainly has its own charm that I've grown rather accustomed to after so long."
"Will you be going back to Atlanta tonight?" Scarlett questioned.
"I thought I'd take a room in town."
"Nonsense you can stay here."
"Scarlett," Suellen's eyes were wide.
"Now Suellen it would be unneighborly to force our new neighbor to spend even a single night in that awful boarding house," Scarlett dismissed her sister and Rhett avoided smirking. "I have to fetch Wade from school soon, I'd be more than happy to show you to Pine Bloom."
"I'd nearly forgotten the kindness of neighbors in the country," he smiled.
Scarlett silenced her sister with a look, "If you're done with your tea, we could set out."
"Is there time to settle my horse?"
"You don't wish to ride alongside so you could stay and see the property better?"
"Just a passing look is fine for now, I'll go out in the morning. I look forward to seeing Wade."
"By all means then, I'll check on the baby and get ready."
"I'll bring the wagon 'round."
o-o-o
"What game are you playing?" Scarlett asked as Rhett helped her into the wagon. Mammy watching from the porch with obvious displeasure, Scarlett had already gotten an earful from her and Suellen.
"Why the game of courting you, my dear," he smiled up at her before walking around the wagon.
She waited until he was seated beside her to speak again, "I have no interest in being courted, I told you, I'll not marry again."
"A year of penance in the country has it truly not been enough?"
"I imagine I could spend eternity in hell and it would not be enough penance for Suellen," Scarlett spoke with a tight jaw.
"Scarlett, now didn't we cover this last time. Did your conscience truly develop with the death of Frank Kennedy? I would have thought you were far too old."
"Old! Why I'm not even 23!" She would be shortly, but that was besides the point. Why if she married for the first time right now, no one would even blink an eye.
"You're not even 23."
"How old did you think I was?"
"24 or 25 like Miss Melly."
"Well I'll only be 23 in a week thank you very much. 25?!" She looked horrified by the thought.
He couldn't help, but laugh. "You mean to tell me you were only 16 when you married that boy of yours before the war and just barely 16. What were your parents thinking?"
"Mother tried to talk me out of it repeatedly," she admitted.
He laughed again. "Well I certainly suppose marrying for spite makes more sense at 16 than it would 18."
"I don't know, I did steal Suellen's beau when I was 21."
He laughed, "So you did."
"I should have just been poor."
"Or my mistress."
She shot him a glare.
"Now what game are you playing at out in the country."
"I don't know what you mean."
"You crave excitement and power like few I've ever met. This country life can't satisfy you."
"It satisfied me plenty until I was foolish enough to marry."
He laughed again. "Now Scarlett, I answered your question, the only fair thing to do would be answer mine."
"I'm just trying to be the woman my mother raised me to be. A good mother, sister and neighbor. I not only stole my sister's beau, I got him killed."
"Now we still don't know for certain if you got him killed and I told you even if you hadn't stolen him, he would have had to deal with your mess as your brother-in-law and he would have ended up dead just the same. Regardless, based on what I saw the first day I met you, both of your husbands would have willingly agreed to death just to have you be theirs for a short while."
She gave him another dirty look, "None of that makes me feel better."
He laughed again, "I'm sorry my darling. I do imagine I know what would make you feel better."
"What?" she questioned as he slowed the horses to a stop.
His hand came up to her jaw, "This," he said as his lips lowered upon hers once more.
His kiss was slow and languid, she had to fight herself to not push for more, she felt like a drowning woman being given a chance to take breath.
"Oh how I've missed you, honey."
"Did you really?" she wondered.
"So very much. I could pull this cart to the side and show you."
"You cad," she said pulling back and then hitting him.
He laughed and lifted the reigns again.
Thanks for reading!
PS-Before you ask. It's been a year since Frank died, she did wear black the full year, she is now not wearing black or half-mourning. It will come up later in the story.
Also remember if you see any detail in the fic that is wrong share it now and not when the story is half done.
Examples: Does the ward have an age somewhere? Is Cathleen known to still be at Pine Bush at this time? Is Pine Bush* already sold at this time?
So that 1873 was definitely the result of deciding to post it at like 2am. The top didn't have that and I figured that I would keep it clear again, I kept hitting 19, and apparently, by the time I got it right, it was 1873 (Lol. I typed 1873 a LOT since December).
Huh the Pine Bush instead of Pine Bloom...That was all just my brain bc Pansy O'Hara has it as Pine Bloom, so that means I searched Pine Bloom in the book so I did type it once... Thanks guest! There would have been some serious confusion in kindle the next time I tried to search for it.
Thanks Jaded Orbs for noticing that I smooshed together Tarleton and Calvert into a new name.
