Hey, guys! Missed me? I certainly missed you :).

Thank you so much for your patience! This little break allowed me to get back on track with my writing, after several weeks of finding little to no time to write. So if you're still here, I appreciate it more than I could ever say!

Special thanks to the amazing CoppertopJ and gabby1017, they're the best! Check out gabby1017's stories, if you haven't already, she's an amazing author!

Last chapter Edward finally got to talk to Carlisle and Esme for the first time in ages. Let's see what happens next, now that Bella and the Cullen siblings have returned from their hunt...


Alice had been graceful enough to ask everyone to give Bella and I some space once I stepped outside to meet them. They scattered in an instant, but I could still hear the questions booming in their minds, scary and loud, as they distanced themselves from the house. I quickly gathered from their mental ramblings that they had made some sort of bet in regards to me and Bella, but the specifics remained a mystery, their thoughts drifting in another direction, out of my reach. As much as I wanted to know what that was about, I had other priorities.

I instantly felt whole once I saw my love again. Her clothes were ripped in a way they had never been when we were hunting together, while her locks bore traces of blood and mud in them - I certainly wanted to know the story behind her wrecked look. But, as tarnished as she appeared, Bella was still the most beautiful woman I had ever laid my eyes on, outshining everything else around her. And for now, I wanted nothing more than to feel her close.

For a few precious seconds, she seemed relieved to see me - no low-boiling anger, no resentments in her light-red eyes. So, I wasted no time when I walked up to her to take one of her hands in mine and raise it up, until my lips touched her wrist.

"Happy birthday, beautiful," I murmured.

"Thanks."

"I'm glad you're back."

My lips trailed further, reaching her fingers, and I had to stop myself before I could do something reckless too soon. It was the easiest thing in the world to get carried away with her, but I had to remind myself of how she reacted when I asked to kiss her in the airport. Everything had to be on her terms now. Not ready to let go - as if I would ever be - I forced my lips off of her skin and moved my eyes to her face.

"I have no gift for you," I admitted, feeling ashamed.

"You know I didn't want anything more than to come here."

"I know, I still feel like it's not enough."

"I was never a fan of birthday celebrations. What's so grand about my birthday anyway?"

"The mere fact that you exist, love. That deserves some proper celebration."

And that was it - the moment my words tipped her over the edge. With no warning whatsoever, her glance turned cold and she moved her hand away from mine. On the inside, I felt like screaming. On the outside, I respected her decision - but I still had to find out what prompted it.

"What is it this time? I can't call you that?"

She sighed, sitting down on one of the rustic wooden chairs on the porch.

"You can, but it's driving me insane," she responded.

Surprised that I got an answer - albeit a mildly confusing one - I pushed for more.

"Why?"

"Because I have no idea what we are at this point, Edward. Or what we are supposed to be. And then you - acting like this, talking like this… it makes things ten times more confusing for me."

I was astounded, to say the least, that I managed to get more from her than I had in the day that passed. It wasn't anything promising, but it was better than nothing. Not minding the still damp concrete floor on the porch, I kneeled right on it, in front of Bella, so that I could see her face properly. She looked painfully defeated - so unlike who she was at her core.

"We can be exactly what you need us to be," I said. "But it'd help if you told me what that is for you."

She bit her lip and I closed my eyes, knowing the effect that sight could have on me.

"I don't know," Bella replied. "What do you want?"

"It doesn't matter what I want, because it's not up to me to decide."

"Tell me."

I opened my eyes, and there was no escaping my desires when our gazes met. I wanted absolutely everything with her, and she had to know it.

"I want all of you," I confessed. "To be your friend, your lover, your confidant, your safe haven... I want to make up for all the ways I've disappointed you, because Lord knows I did. I would give up everything I have just to have a second chance with you."

She seemed to contemplate what I had said for a while. When she talked again, it was the last thing I was hoping to hear.

"I don't think I can do that, Edward."

"Not… any of it?"

"I don't know," she repeated.

Somehow, the uncertainty was worse than a definite answer. Because a definite answer could be either good or bad, there was no gray area in between. It was a clean cut, for better or for worse. But not knowing if it was a 'yes' or 'no' felt like being burned alive, being impaled on a stake and having my heart ripped out of my chest. All at once.

"Not even friends?" I tried lamely.

"I've no idea how to be just that with you, after… everything."

I sighed, frustrated, but unable to voice it without sounding like the phoniest monster in the world.

"This is my fault," I said, because it was true.

She didn't contradict me.

"Do you feel like talking about it, at least?" I checked.

"No, let's just not go there."

"Whatever you wish."

All of a sudden, I realized how ridiculous I must have looked to her: kneeling, desperate, begging for a second chance, however small. But at this point, I had nothing better in my arsenal. I could try to act aloof and unaffected by her rejection - to play the role of the man who couldn't care less about being pushed to the side by the woman he loved. But then again, that would have been a humongous lie. And I could not, for the life of me, afford to tell one more damned lie to Bella, for the rest of my days.

"Let's forget about this for a second," she pleaded. "Tell me how it went with Carlisle and Esme."

I smiled upon hearing the small hope in her voice.

"It was way better than I'd ever expected, to be honest. We talked for hours."

"That's amazing," she uttered.

"It was. For the longest time, I've been stuck with the idea that they had to despise me for leaving like that, so I never considered any other possibilities. But the thing is… for whatever reason, they don't. They're just happy I'm back."

"Of course they don't despise you, you're still their son."

"That doesn't make it any less surprising for me."

"You're silly," she smirked. "I'm happy for you."

I couldn't help but return her joy. Against all odds, we could have this little moment of acknowledging the sweet impossibility of the reunion. Because if anyone knew what a harrowing journey it had been for me, it was her.

"I couldn't have done any of this without you, so I have to thank you," I pointed out.

"You knew it was bound to happen at one point."

"I was ready to postpone it by at least a hundred years had I not known you."

Her previous smile faded, as her eyes trailed into the distance, away from me.

"They can't wait to talk to you too, you know?" I added.

"Well… I assume you've told them quite a few things about me already."

"It was impossible not to, you're the most important thing in my life. Does it bother you?"

When she moved her gaze back on me, I couldn't decipher the thoughts beneath it, but I deeply yearned to be able to. It seemed that I needed that more and more each day.

"No, it doesn't. I want to talk to them too. But you knew that, of course."

I nodded and, for a long while, we didn't move, allowing the silence to engulf us. The rain had stopped a few hours ago, but the night air was still riddled with humidity, the earth itself breathing out the tepid vapours of the storm from earlier. I found myself missing Chicago and all the little things I used to take for granted there: the comfort, my piano, our pond. It felt as if several lifetimes had passed since then.

In reality, it had been more than a week since we left - and also a week since I had last been inside Bella. I missed it terribly, to the point just thinking about it made me ache. The last time we got to make love we were on the road, heading to Charleston. I found myself pulling over when Bella made it her mission to make me come while I was driving, using only her mouth. We ended up on the side of the road, the car halfway in a field of butterweed, where we drove each other insane for one precious hour. An hour was never enough to get at least a mildly satisfying dose of her, but back then, I thought I still had time.

Right now, any type of closeness would have sufficed. But as we stood there, on the porch, our hands kept a respectful distance, not daring to move and touch what was theirs to touch. My fingers were burning for some slight relief - even if that relief came in the form of grazing her face with care.

"I should probably take a shower," Bella said, interrupting the silence. "I look like a mess."

Allowing my musings to rest, I smiled.

"Speaking of which, I wanted to ask what happened to get you in this state."

"Well… we hunted a few bears. Emmett was willing to bet I couldn't take three bears down at once and... naturally, I wanted to prove him wrong."

"And how did that work for you?"

"Terribly, as you can see."

"I would have loved to witness that."

"It's probably for the best that you didn't."

She didn't seem to really mind this memory, even if it got her clothes shredded. I wondered what else transpired between her and the Cullen siblings while they were gone. There had been enough time for them to tell her their stories - and for her to tell them her own. Did she genuinely like these people?

"What else happened?" I asked in the end, unable to suppress my curiosity.

"We talked."

"About what?"

"Life stories, I guess... theirs, mine."

"And they know about us now," I inferred.

"All they know is… the big picture. Not the details."

"The big picture," I repeated. "And that means?"

"It means that they know you changed me without meaning to, that we lived in your home, in Chicago, for a while, and that we were friends with benefits until you came clean in Alaska."

I cringed upon hearing the way she worded it, and I couldn't help but intervene.

"I hate that phrase - friends with benefits, I mean. You've always meant infinitely more to me than that cynical concept."

Bella raised one eyebrow in defiance, her eyes twinkling with held back anger.

"I'm sorry, but that doesn't mean an awful lot now, since I had no idea what was going through that head of yours," she replied.

"Fair point. You still had to know."

She didn't add more, and I didn't push - the last thing I wanted to do was to get on her nerves more than I had already done. I had to take the smallest steps possible with her, if I didn't want to fall and injure us both in the process.

Silence ruled over us again, leaving me thirsting for more. As grateful as I was for the fact that she was at least willing to exchange words with me, it wasn't enough. I needed her to have the desire and strength to discuss our problems in depth, instead of letting them pile up and fester in an ugly mess. But then again, just having this wish made me a hypocrite, since I had done the same thing - albeit to a much uglier, more destructive extent.

However, simply dancing around the root of the problems was not doing either of us any favours. It only served to openly tear a deeper and deeper wound in everything: her happiness, my peace, our connection - or whatever was left of it. And it meant that we were most definitely not together, as we should have been.

In the end, Bella stood up, swiftly moving away from me. I did the same in an instant, following her as she approached the elaborately carved door of the entrance and grumbled something about her incoming shower and her lack of spare clothes.

"I'm sure Alice will help you with that soon," I said. "But before she does, can I ask you something?"

"It depends."

"It's not about what you may think, don't worry."

"Hm, let's hear it then."

I breathed in deeply, because her answer to this question was going to be crucial to whatever I was going to do next.

"Now that we're here, what do you want to do next?" I asked.

"I'm not sure I get what you mean."

"Well, do you want to linger here for a while? Or do you want to get back home sooner rather than later?"

When her brow furrowed, I instantly regretted the fact that Alice was not here, to guide my steps with her little visions, like she did in the car that morning.

"Right now, there is no home for me, Edward."

Her answer took me aback - enough to make it impossible for me to hide the way her words broke me in half.

"You know my home is yours too, right?" I managed.

She turned her eyes to the forest, scouring the darkness, ignoring my question. Before I knew it, my reason took a back seat and I grazed her chin with my index finger, turning it so that she could look at me.

"Right?" I insisted, taking just one step closer to her. The fifteen inches separating our bodies felt like a mile.

I noticed the way her lips quivered softly right before our eyes met, and it set my core ablaze. God, I wanted to kiss her, all rules be damned. It would have been so easy, so right, so good.

"Um… it felt like home for a while," she answered. "I'm not so sure about it now."

"Tell me why."

Her breath quickened in a way I knew and loved, but she didn't let herself become too distracted.

"Everything felt right there," Bella explained. "Almost everything, at least. Now it's just… a physical reminder of all the lies. It'd hurt just to open the door."

"If that's the problem, I'll burn it down tomorrow and build a new one from scratch for you, my love," I hurried to say. "Hell, I'll go there right now and do it if-"

"No, no, no, I don't want you to burn anything down!" she interrupted me, her voice raising an octave and her hand flying to touch my shoulder, in what I could guess was nothing but a reflex. Reflex or not, it got my head spinning. "Can't you see the problem at all? I can't trust you, Edward. How can we live under the same roof when I feel like you could stab me in the back just to save your face?"

The quivering of her lips returned, proving her words further. I felt ready to break down, but she deserved better than to see me like this. After all, I was hardly the victim here.

"I would rather die the most painful of deaths," I assured her, finding it more difficult to contain myself with each passing second. Trying to calm myself, if only a little, I grabbed the thin fabric covering her waist tightly in my fist. "Bella, I love you. Only you. Which means that at this point, I would choose death over betraying you without blinking."

"You mean like I did? Except I didn't have the luxury of choosing."

Cold and true, her words froze me. It was a well-deserved jab, but I had no idea how to respond to it. One thing, however, was true, and needed to be said, even if it meant that I was repeating myself.

"I love you."

"I don't trust you."

"So you're afraid of me."

"No, not of you, but rather of what you did... of what you can do to me."

I was growing a little exasperated - not with her, with myself. Because I had managed to turn her away from me in such a way that I couldn't possibly imagine her ever forgiving me. And without forgiveness, there was not even a faint hope for getting back her trust.

"I understand why you feel this way. But you must understand I would never hurt you like that again. It was your blood that made me lose-"

"No, stop! I cannot hear that right now! It's too much, just stop."

Bella retreated instantly and I cursed myself for going too far.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gone there."

"Yes, you shouldn't have," she agreed.

"I just don't know how to act around you anymore, angel. It seems that everything I do has the potential to hurt you and I hate that."

Once again, her eyes studied the darkness ahead, and I made an effort to keep my distance this time around.

"I want to stay here for a little while," she said, leaving our previous conversation behind us, broken and unfinished. I was in no position to force her to get back to it. "See what may come out of it."

"Then I'll stay with you."

"I don't want to hold you back if you don't want this."

"You could never hold me back. Staying with you is what I want - as long as I am still somewhat welcome, of course."

When she finally glanced at me again, she looked as if this entire discussion had drained every ounce of good spirits she might have had previously, right after her hunt.

"Can I be alone for a while?" she queried. "I need to get my thoughts in order and I cannot do that if I've got company."

"Whatever you need. Do you want me to find Alice? To help you with the spare clothes and all that?"

"Yes, please. They couldn't have gone that far."

Their thoughts were still far enough away for me to be unable to catch them, but traces of their scent were still lingering in the air.

"Anything else I can do for you?" I persisted. She might have not been in the mood for celebrating her birthday, but that didn't make her wishes any less important.

I expected a blunt refusal, but - thankfully - she pondered over my question for a bit, before responding.

"I think I'd like to have some of my things here. The ones we left in Chicago. It doesn't have to be today, of course."

"All right, I'll do my best then."

I began to think about what would be the fastest way to grant her wish as I walked down the stairs of the porch, on my way to finding the rest, when Bella called out my name, her voice a little reluctant. I turned to face her in a second, surprised to discover her embarrassed mien.

"Yes?" I encouraged her.

She hesitated for a short moment, but she let the words out in the end.

"Can you get me back my bluehearts too, please? I really liked them."

It took me less than a second to realize what she meant. When I offered her that little bouquet of American bluehearts on our first day spent by our pond in Chicago, I had not expected her to value them as much as she did. But she surprised me, as she so often used to, when she started using the little flowers as bookmarks whenever she read a new book.

"Noted," I smiled.

She returned my smile and, for a few invaluable seconds, the Earth stopped spinning and I felt something I had not felt in a while: faith.


Having already seen our decisions, Alice was already running back to the house, followed closely by Carlisle, Esme and Rosalie, which led to us meeting halfway. Bella's plea to get her things back from Chicago - the bluehearts specifically - was still dancing around in my head, filling me up with unreachable dreams, when I stumbled across the Cullens. We stopped instantly, and in no time, the air becamee thick with all the questions they couldn't dare to ask out loud.

First there was Carlisle, pensive and contemplative on the outside as much as he was on the inside: "Did they fight?"

Right by his side, Esme - a little too worried for her own good: "Does he need a hug right now?"

Then there was Rosalie, who seemed to cultivate a deep dislike for me: "Isn't he ashamed of himself? I hope Emmett lost that dumb bet."

And of course, Alice, who didn't have to wonder all that much, thanks to her gift.

"Jasper knows a guy," she said, wasting no time on 'hello's. "He can arrange a shipment from Chicago to Granite Falls tomorrow morning, but he'll need a key and very specific directions."

"Um, thanks," I responded, a tad bewildered by her bluntness. Was she always like this?

"And speaking of Jasper… he is waiting for you. Emmett too. They're in a meadow not so far away from here."

"Why did we stop?" Rosalie demanded, deliberately avoiding looking at me.

"Rose," Esme muttered, scolding her with her eyes, saying nothing more, before turning her eyes to study me. "Are you all right, sweetie?"

"Absolutely, don't worry about me."

"How is Bella?" Carlisle asked. "I hope you got to talk at least. We really have to talk to her too."

"I'm pretty sure Bella knows better how Bella is than him," Rosalie intervened yet again, her tone deadly sharp. Perhaps her dislike for me went deeper than I had initially thought.

I heard Esme's thoughts bubbling with indignation, but on the outside she kept her poise. Carlisle, however, was not as willing to let this particular comment pass.

"Bella is Edward's mate," he explained calmly. "Your beliefs cannot change this fact, Rose. The two of them are going through a lot as it is, there's no need to add insult to injury."

"I don't need to do anything, he's done a pretty decent job already."

"Now that's enough." Carlisle's voice was stern when he talked again. "You and I will have a talk later."

"How am I the bad guy here?"

Her anger morphed into a spectacle of violent thoughts, all headed my way. Although we had not got the chance to have a proper talk, the few things I had learned about her that afternoon - either from the stories Carlisle and Esme had told me, or from the intimate, painful bits hidden in their memories - made her attitude understandable. In her eyes, it meant little that I was Bella's mate. Because first and foremost, I was the monster who had ripped everything away from her. Oddly enough, it was the most logical thing in the world to agree with Rosalie. Because at the root of it all, she was not wrong. Maybe the reasons behind this mutual belief of ours were different, but that didn't change anything in the end, because she was right: I was nothing but a bad seed in Bella's life.

"For what it's worth, I agree with you, Rosalie," I admitted. I wasn't looking to gain any sympathy points - from her or anyone else - but I was hoping to lift some of the weight off her shoulders. After all, she had no obligation to be fond of the morally corrupt newcomer.

She didn't even look at me when she responded.

"See if I care."

Once again, I couldn't find it in me to blame her. But Carlisle and Esme apologized on her behalf and gently ushered her to move. The three of them disappeared soon in a cloud of whispered arguments, leaving me and Alice alone.

"Rose is a lot sometimes," she explained.

"She's also right, if I have to be honest."

Alice rolled her eyes at me, holding back a laugh at the last moment.

"Boy, you seemed a little masochistic in my visions, but you are somehow even more so in person."

"I'm not masochistic, merely realistic."

"Whatever gets you through the day. Now let's not waste time, Em and Jazz are waiting for you."

"May I ask why?"

"To talk, of course! Emmett couldn't contain himself when he found out the brother he never met is coming home."

The ease with which Alice was talking about me as if I already were a part of the family floored me and scared me at the same time. Everything still felt so new, raw, fragile and quite easily breakable. I was barely getting used to the idea of maybe daring to refer to Carlisle and Esme as my parents, which meant that I was in no way prepared for having brothers or sisters of any kind.

Surely, they were all Carlisle's and Esme's children. To some extent, I was too. But I didn't know them. And quite frankly, they didn't know me either. At best, they only knew mere fragments. Besides, a small, but solid part of me found it a little ridiculous to get attached to these people. They weren't who I was picturing when trying to imagine what the future held for me. Bella, however, was.

If only she wanted me a fraction as much as I wanted her.

"Listen, I'll catch you a little later," Alice said, disrupting my train of thought before it derailed too far. "Bella needs me right now."

"She does. I'll see you around then."

We parted ways quietly, with each of us heading in different directions. Not quite knowing what to expect from my next meeting, I started running, following the trail of vaguely familiar scents and sounds deeper into the heart of the forest. As Emmett's and Jasper's thoughts became clearer, something else did too: a booming sound, breaking the night in half every ten seconds or so. Their minds and laughter soon allowed me to discover the source of the mysterious sound: they were playing some type of game, throwing boulders at each other and shouting whenever the rocks cracked.

Just like Alice had informed me, they were in a meadow: lusciously green and riddled with white wildflowers at its very border, while still muddy and messy from the rain in the middle. The game looked silly from up-close. There were seemingly no rules to it, other than the two of them running around and hitting each other with a bunch of rocks they had gathered in a tall stack. I didn't get to observe things further, for my presence didn't go unnoticed for longer than two seconds.

"This was meant for Jazz, but this is even better," I heard Emmett's intention right as it formed in his head.

"Eddie boy! Just in time!" he shouted, wasting no time and throwing the gargantuan boulder that was meant for Jasper my way.

I caught it in my hands immediately, keeping it away from my body, so that it wouldn't break.

"Don't ever call me that again," I said, placing the boulder at my feet.

"Sharp reflexes! I respect that."

"He can hear your thoughts, man."

"Not if I think fast."

"Actually, it makes no difference," I explained. "I can hear you regardless."

It took him less than a second to mindlessly launch himself from across the meadow. It didn't help that he had already visualized the scene in his mind, giving me just enough of a clue to fend off his surprise attack, by simply stepping to the side and watching him fall to the ground, destroying a bush of flowers in his wake.

"Damn, kid, you're fast," he noticed, the surprise in his voice making it obvious that he wasn't even mad. If anything, he was impressed.

He got back on his feet with a smile on his face, shaking a few stray flowers off of him, while Jasper joined us without making a spectacle of himself.

"We were playing catch," he offered, silently analyzing my mood and not being pleased with what he found.

"It's not just 'catch', how many times do I have to tell you that?"

"I'm never calling it 'savage catch', Em."

"But it is savage! You have to catch the boulder with your whole body and make sure it breaks in half."

I couldn't reign in my amusement at their silly conversation, so I smiled. And although I would have found it impossible moments ago, I started laughing with them. I wouldn't have thought about my sudden mood shift twice had it not been for the truth inadvertently escaping from Jasper's mind almost instantly: "All right, that worked."

"You're changing my mood," I accused.

"Only slightly," he shrugged, without trying to make any excuses to cover his tracks. "It seemed like you could use some cheering up."

I couldn't really be upset with him - partly because I could tell he was coming from a good place, partly because he gave me no choice, thanks to his gift.

"Wait, he needed cheering up?" Emmett frowned. "Does that mean… come on, I couldn't possibly lose this bet. It was a sure win."

"You should know better by now than to bet against my darling Alice."

That bet again. If before I was willing to let it slide, this was no longer an option. Jasper caught my wave of curiosity a little too late - before he could do anything about it, I was already talking.

"What bet?"

"It's nothing," he rushed to respond, but his not-as-tactful brother stepped in with a response of his own.

"I made a bet with Alice that you and Bella were going to get down and dirty and ruin our house. Make-up sex and all that."

"Can I apologize on his behalf?" Jasper pondered to himself, sighing deeply.

Emmett's straight-forward approach took me aback. I was used to people sugarcoating things - or at least wrapping them up in a socially acceptable layer of diplomacy. So to hear him speak so freely about something so private, so intimate, so precious to me activated my offensive side.

"I beg your pardon?" I uttered.

"What? Anyone with half a brain can tell you two are in desperate need of that. No shame in wanting some, especially after fighting."

"Just ignore Emmett. He means no harm. He just likes to think out loud sometimes. Well, all the time."

I pondered whether to listen to Jasper's advice or not. I felt inclined to do so, but at the same time, innocuous or not, Emmett's remark got me. Because what Bella and I were doing behind closed doors wasn't anyone's business - not that we were doing anything behind said closed doors, my mistakes be damned.

I could only dream.

"Well, you lost," I mumbled.

"Sounds like we both did, I'm sorry."

He patted me gently on my back and, once again, my own emotions changed on their own, replaced by nothing but a state of calmness. As soothing as it was, its source startled me - not enough to nullify its effect, of course. Unable to fight it and not knowing what else to do, I embraced it, accepting everything that Jasper's power had to offer. After all, I could use a break from my own feelings.

Even if, at the end of the day, that break was nothing but an evanescent illusion.


Time for Edward to properly meet Emmett and Jasper :).

How do you think they'll get along?

Do you empathise with Rosalie's dislike of Edward or do you think she's overreacting?

Do you feel there is still hope for Edward and Bella, now that she is hurt seemingly beyond repair?

After this little break, I am extra-excited to know your thoughts on this chapter! Reading and responding to your reviews is always a delight.

If you'd like to see teasers of future chapters, discover the music that goes with each chapter, you are welcome to join my Facebook group, "Twilight fanfics: NightBloomingPeony & friends corner". If you're an author, feel free to share your stories there as well!

See you next Sunday! Until then, stay safe and happy!