Chapter 29
"Will I forget to love you?"
"I hope not."
"Don't let me forget to love you."
― Joshua Henkin, Morningside Heights
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February 18th, 2050
Dear uncle Dean:
I have a few things to tell you.
Last October I became a father to my twin babies. Camryn has Laurel's blue eyes and dad's hair color. Henry has Laurel's wavy dark brown hair and dad's hazel eyes. They were born on October 12, and I am profoundly in love with my little family. We adopted a dog and named him 'Captain Bones'. He actually looks a lot like Mila.
Deep down, I always desired to have a brother or sister to play with. Dad would always tell me how protective you were of him and vice versa. Is it a sibling thing? Was it caused by the life you lived? I guess I will never know the answer. I hope my kids get along, in a 'normal' way, anyways. No because of hunting or anything like that.
He has not told me a whole lot about your hunting days. He said he would only tell me what was necessary, and he kept his word.
I travelled to Kansas for the weekend, so mom could see the kids, and dad could try to recognize us. He was lucid for long bits of time, and started saying things that, despite the realness of them, they hurt more than the confusion he has within his mind.
I took the Impala with me. I cannot explain it with words, but I had the need to do it. If dad needs her, I will leave her there for as long as I have to.
He saw the car, and with uneasy movements, touched its hood with his fingertips; clearly not believing what he was seeing. He called her name and said he had missed her.
I saw mom's teary eyes as dad was living the present moment for the first time in days. He was the happiest he had ever been. You were and still are his home when we are not here to his foggy mind. He talks to the walls sometimes, but I know you are there for him, having his back, as you always did. I have no doubt you are still looking after your little brother.
Later that day, I asked him if he wanted to go for a small drive with me. I left Laurel and the kids with mom, knowing we needed this time alone.
For a moment, everything was fine. His answer caught me off guard, though.
"What about Lisa and Ben? They are there, waiting for you, Dean. You can't just leave them. You promised", dad said, maybe a little worried and annoyed about the situation.
It took me a second to remember what he was talking about. Dad told me about the year he was in hell and you lived a normal life with a woman named Lisa and her son, Ben. I wonder what happened to them. Is Ben still alive? He must be an old man now.
My teary eyes met his. I had lost him again. I don't know for how long I can pretend this doesn't affect me in front of my wife or mother. I am really struggling to get through this, just like dad is fighting hard to see me.
"Don't worry. They will be fine. Besides, it is a short drive. No one is gonna notice we are gone, right?" I said with the best poker face I had, seeing his excited smile as a response. He sat inside the car and waited for you to join him, but I couldn't move.
I didn't want to hurt him, but I had a plan. I wanted him to see that world, at least until we arrived there.
Once I was behind the wheel, he made himself comfortable and smiled as he touched the leather seat.
"She's amazing, Dean. I wonder if you will let me drive her someday. I can look after her too, you know? You taught me that" dad asked you, while I drove the three of us towards the place where your tombstone is.
"I know that, Sam. You have taken such good care of her. I'm proud of you", I replied with one of the smirks you always did when you and dad were taken a photo. Whether I like it or not, I have to be you, uncle Dean. I have to take care of him, and this is the only way he will allow me to do it.
The rest of the drive was more of the same conversation I just described to you. I was trying to hold myself together. Dad had taken his glasses off and was watching the world through blurry sight.
We arrived at the cemetery and I guided him towards your tombstone. He thought it was a hunt, however, I told him we were just visiting this time. I stopped a few feet away from your resting place, waiting for dad's curiosity to grow within his soul.
Even though he is older, he is still very bendy. I handed him his glasses, and with a silent nod, he accepted them. A minute went by. He was sobbing.
"I'm sorry, DJ. God, I am losing my mind, son", he whispered, still looking down, as if he were embarrassed about something.
I replied it was okay. I said I was going to be there in every step of the way. I was not gonna fail to any of you.
"Promise me you will be fine. No matter what I say, you have to keep going. I don't want to hurt you. Maybe you should not come visit me anymore. You have a family now. I am just a burden to you and your mother", dad explained, inviting me to crouch down next to him with a kind gesture of his hand.
It is his way to ask for affection without saying it, and I am so damn grateful for it. Dad still loves me. I know he will always love me, but it is hard to remember that when you cannot express it with words or actions. A single move could scare him, and that is the last thing I want to do.
I did so, and we talked as a father and a son do under a normal circumstance. I am afraid I do not want to share that conversation with anyone. He was seeing me. He was talking to his son, and no one else. Nothing could ruin the moment. He was there with me. In a way, the three of us were trying to make a little sense of it all, if I had to describe what happened.
The drive back home was calm. Dad fell asleep, and I had to wake him up. He had his moments; however, he held his grandson and granddaughter. The twins started cooing at him. Camryn giggled, and dad was so happy! I could not ask for more. In that moment, I swear I saw you around us. I saw you standing next to your younger brother, touching his shoulder as he looked down at my smiling daughter. You were smiling, too.
The day ended, and we had to leave the house to start packing our stuff back at the hotel we rented. I said goodbye to dad, but he was a little distracted. If you were there to help him be conscious, thank you. I cannot describe how much that means to all of us. Photos were taken, and memories were made. It was one of those moments we were hoping to live again as a family.
Until the next time, uncle Dean. You are truly an amazing man, wherever your soul is right now. I do not think I mentioned this before, but I love you.
DJ Winchester.
Author's Note: Hey guys. I wrote this chapter within a day. My grandmother is going through this as well, and does not know her younger sister passed away last year. She remembers me, but also confuses me with other family members. I wish I had my grandmother, and not just the shadow of her.
Anyways… I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Please, if you have a minute, make sure to leave a review. I adore you! See you soon!
KW.-
