"EEEHHHHHH?!" Kirishima bursts, "Something like that happened and I wasn't there to see it?!"
He, Bakugo, and the usual group sit together to eat lunch, but of course they couldn't start or relax without explaining what happened this morning to Kirishima, who hadn't seen the fiasco because he had been at his internship early this morning. Things had been rather quiet with Fat Gum and Suneater since they were working on a pretty big operation involving some mafia family. Uraraka and Tsuyu were brought in on it too, but they all have to wait patiently until the right time to make a move. Until then, things with their internships have been pretty slow. The one day the pros finally have time to include him a little, and he misses such an important moment for his buddy!
"Katsuki! You… You gotta tell me when stuff like that happens!"
Bakugo sits there poking his food a bit listlessly. He's been trying hard not to think about what happened this morning, but so far that's been a tremendous failure. Earlier during their hero class, Bakugo could barely look at her, and since she still hadn't worked out a strategy for them to practice, he insisted on training by himself. Though he did manage to apologize to Todoroki for the things he said to the innocent two-tone. It's not his fault Midoriya's got a thing for a dozen people all at the same time. Okay, that's an exaggeration, but the blonde is still a little pissed about that. And then on top of that, he's pissed at himself for even caring about it in the first place.
He's still not really sure what to make of it all, so he half-heartedly says, "Shut up… S'not like you could'a done anything anyways."
"But still!"
"Yeah, Bakugo!" Kaminari agrees, "This is huge! Midoriya actually confessed! A cute girl confessed to you! Why aren't you happy?!"
Sero reminds him, "It's not that simple, remember?"
"But this is his chance! Dude, if you still don't think you like Midoriya like that, you can at least try it and see where it goes!"
Immediately, without missing a beat, Bakugo replies, "Not gonna happen."
"Ehhh?! Why not?!"
"That guy…" Bakugo remembers her serious, spellbound eyes transfixed on him, capturing him and refusing to let go, and the way her hand gripped his for dear life. No matter how many times Bakugo has run it through his head all day, it causes a strange mix of emotions that he can't name. It's like there's so many that he just can't identify them all. But there's one conclusion he comes to. "It's too much. Whatever he keeps goin' on about, I'm not interested. Too much trouble."
Kirishima can tell how tired he is just by looking at him. This kind of thing will never be Katsuki Bakugo's forte. Kirishima understands that. But that's why as his buddy, the redhead's determined to compensate for that lack of ability. "Well, I get how you feel, but Katsuki… if Midoriya's that serious, you really think you can shake him off that easily?"
Bakugo's eyebrow twitches. That had to be one of the only things he really doesn't want to hear right now. Because Kirishima's right. The nerd didn't look like he would give up anytime soon, even if Bakugo chooses to just ignore her and just push all this shit away. The way she looked at him, she might not give up for the rest of her life. "Why…? Why do I gotta deal with him just 'cuz he's fuckin' obsessed with me?" He grips his chopsticks tight, nearly snapping them in half.
Kaminari is persistent. "That's why I'm saying! Give him the benefit of the doubt! Just try it!"
Sero, a bit annoyed, "Why don't you give it a rest already? Why do you want them to get together so badly anyways?"
"Cuz it's such a waste! He's got a super cute girl throwing herself at him, and he's too scared to step up and be a man about it!"
"Hey!" Kirishima scolds, "That's going too far! Katsuki's one of the manliest guys I know! Manliness doesn't have anything to do with girls!"
"You…! You're always goin' on about manliness, but what does that even mean anyway?"
"It means…!" He stops as he realizes something. "It means putting up a fight for the stuff that matters… sticking to your word and acting on it…" He looks at Bakugo. "And not letting your fear get in the way when the going gets tough."
Bakugo's eyebrow twitches again. "So what…? You wanna say I'm not a man now 'cuz I'm afraid of that nerd?"
"…I didn't say that. But if that's what you're thinking, don't you think it might be true? Sounds like you understand it on your own."
In a threatening tone, Bakugo replies, "You sayin' I should date him just to prove I'm not?"
"I'm not saying that either! Don't put words in my mouth!"
"Then fucking spit it out already!"
"I'm saying you can't just keep running away from him! You gotta own up to your feelings and say what you really wanna say!"
Bakugo turns back to stare blankly at his food. Quietly, so quietly that Kirishima can feel his shame, Bakugo mutters, "If I knew that… it wouldn't be so fucking hard…"
Seeing that, Kirishima can't help but feel bad about pushing him. "W-Well, just take it slow, one step at a time. You don't have to think about it too hard."
But for a moment, he forgets that more than anything, Bakugo hates being pitied. He'd rather just… "Forget it. It's not important. None of this shit is important. If that idiot wants to wait his whole fuckin' life, then he can."
"Katsuki! You're doing it again! You always give up when it comes to this kind of stuff! Didn't you say you wanna stop hurting Midoriya so much? How do you think he's gonna react if you don't take his feelings seriously?"
"His feelings got nothin' to do with me! That's his problem! He's the one who doesn't know when to quit when it's obvious he should!"
Kirishima starts to get irritated. He realizes this isn't working, but it's getting harder to control himself. "What's obvious? How is it obvious he should give up when you like him back?!"
"I don—!" Bakugo wants to say that he definitely doesn't like Midoriya back that way, not in a million years, but given what he saw today, what real love looks like, he's now unable to say for certain. He doesn't know anymore. It used to be so easy to just say that he doesn't "love" anyone, that it's gross just thinking about it. But now just thinking about those same gross aspects, things like kissing and touching her, stirs something unfamiliar in him, making him feel restless and sweaty and… excited maybe? One thing's for sure, he's entirely uncomfortable with what it's doing to his lower regions.
"There! See? You can't even say you don't like him anymore! Can't you just be a man and admit it?"
He snaps, "And then what?! Act like some idiot lovey-dovey couple that can't stop touching each other?! You think I would ever do that shit?!"
"Nobody's telling you to! Katsuki, if you really don't wanna do that stuff with Midoriya, why don't you just tell him that?!"
"Cuz he's the one who wants to do that stuff! He said so!"
"W-Whoa, really?" Midoriya's surprisingly manly! I forgot!
"That's why I'm sayin' it's impossible!"
"But…" Kirishima thinks for a moment about what Midoriya might do and how she feels. "But if you just told him you don't want to do that kind of stuff, then maybe he'd listen. Don't you think maybe you're assuming too much about him? If you don't just talk to him, you'll never know."
Hearing this actually makes Bakugo stop and think for a moment. He admits that in the past, a lot of miscommunication between him and Midoriya came from Bakugo just assuming things about her. He really didn't get what Midoriya was thinking when they were kids, so he made a bunch of assumptions that turned out to not be true at all. Most of it was just in his head. It wasn't real, just some imaginary challenge Bakugo made up because he was convinced that he had to beat everyone and become #1 no matter what. And he regrets that. No matter how many years pass, he'll probably always regret that. Does that mean he might regret it this time too? I mean, what Kirishima's saying isn't entirely unreasonable. Maybe Bakugo doesn't have to look at it in terms of black and white. Maybe he can strike some sort of compromise or deal with Midoriya. In any case, it's better than making the same mistake twice.
Bakugo stands up. Without having touched his food at all, he starts to walk off.
"Wha?! Hey! Where're you going? Don't tell me you're—!"
"To set things straight! What else?"
"Ehh?! Right now?! W-Wait! I'll go with you!" Kirishima would've liked to eat some of his food, but friends come first! Meanwhile, Kaminari tries to jump up too, but Sero stops him and reminds him that Midoriya eats with a bunch of girls who'd probably be really bothered if a whole group of guys suddenly barged in on them. Kaminari whines that they got left behind again, and the two sulk together, patiently awaiting the other two's return.
And out of the corner of her eye, Uraraka notices them leave. Still here in the cafeteria, she offered to still take Midoriya to eat lunch with the other girls, but Midoriya insisted on not bothering her and instead opted to text her upon arrival at the garden. Uraraka received the text and told herself that everything would be fine this way, but watching Bakugo leave in that direction, she knows he could only be headed to one place. She feels worried but at the same time a bit relieved. Even if the two end up fighting like usual, Uraraka knows Deku-kun will be happy to see Bakugo-kun. And that's all that matters. For now, all she can do is tell that to herself over and over until it feels true.
Meanwhile, Bakugo doesn't really think about what he's going to say until he's in front of Midoriya, who (along with the other girls) is obviously startled to see him actually approach her at a seemingly random time. "Kacchan?! Um, hold on!"
She makes sure she has everything on her tray and tries to get up, but he doesn't really care whom he talks in front of, so he starts anyway. "You… I probably like you."
She freezes and nearly drops her tray as she plops back down on the ground in shock. One of the girls even spits her juice.
"But I don't wanna do all that gross stuff with you. I don't like you like that (probably)."
Probably?
"As long as we don't do that kinda' shit, I'm okay with whatever." He squats down to her, his arms resting on his knees as he balances himself on the balls of his feet. "I still got no idea what's going on in that freaky little head'a yours." He pokes her forehead, grinding his finger in, making her wince and glare at him a bit. But she still turns a little pink, and something about that makes his heart melt. It's irritating. But he doesn't completely dislike it. Again, he feels like he doesn't completely dislike her. She just drives him crazy sometimes.
"Love makes you crazy!"
Huh… Maybe I… really am in lo…
He blushes.
Lo… L…
Midoriya watches him turn redder and redder, and it makes her chest ache. She waits to see if he might say what she's really hoping for, what she knows is the obvious truth.
But even in his own head, he can't say it.
L… Like that would ever happen! I don't wanna do shit with you!
In a sudden fit, he goes from poking her forehead to pinching her cheeks. Shmushing them and stretching them out over and over, he thinks, Fucking… soft face!
She whines, "Kacchan! Kacchan, knock it off! It hurts!" But she's not stupid. She knows he's just embarrassed and using this as an excuse to touch her! "Just… Just say you love me already!"
"Never! Don't get a big head just because I like you a little!"
"You love me!"
"I d—!" Again, he can't definitively say he doesn't! He grumbles a little as his grip loosens.
"See?! You can't even say you don't anymore!"
"Shut up! That doesn't mean shit!"
She grumbles, then finally starting to lose her patience, she starts squeezing his cheeks back.
"You little—!"
She barks, "You're so stubborn! I… I hate that about you! All I want is to love you with everything I've got! You got a problem with that?!"
"You got a problem with us loving you, you little shit?"
Suddenly, Bakugo remembers something. He remembers when his mother said the same thing not too long ago. When he was convinced that his parents must be ashamed of what an awful brat he turned out to be, they still loved and accepted him no matter what.
"That's why moms love their babies… So you'll know what real love looks like."
He pauses and stares at Midoriya.
"So when you find someone who loves you half as much as I do, you'll know."
For a split second, Midoriya sees his face change. For just a moment, he looks… vulnerable.
"You…" he mutters, "That's… not fair…"
Obviously, Midoriya isn't sure what he means by that. But suddenly he lets go and stands up again. The way he stares at her for a moment and then looks away before turning around to leave just as abruptly as he came, it makes her remember the time they were walking home from school, and she teased him by saying he liked her too much to beat her up anymore. That day, she got the distinct feeling that she "won" somehow. Again… It's the same feeling. He's retreating. She's not sure how, but she "won" again.
She hasn't really thought about it until now, but she wonders what exactly Kacchan likes about her. What is it about her that triggers his response, that makes him so embarrassed he turns tail? She wishes she knew. She already thought she knew everything about Kacchan, but now she finds herself wanting to learn more and more.
She stands up. "Kacchan! Don't run away from me! You won't get far! Because I'll chase you!" She knows this won't get him to turn around. Not right now. But someday… "So hurry up and face me already! I'll wait! I'll wait forever for you, Kacchan!"
Shut up! I… know that already!
Even from this far away, even from behind, in the bright sunlight enveloping all of them, she can see his ears glowing red. "I love you, Katsuki!"
He thinks he might pass out. I know! …I know, dammit!
Then suddenly Kirishima… "Katsuki!" Bakugo stops in his tracks, flinching a bit at the tone in his voice. It's not the usual understanding Kirishima who tries to coax him down from his temper tantrums. This is the Kirishima that's sometimes even bolder and manlier than Bakugo himself. Or rather, maybe this Kirishima is the "sick of Katsuki's bullshit" version. He yells, "What're you doing?! Didn't you come to set things straight?! Midoriya's facing you head on! Are you really gonna run away again?! Fight! Didn't you say you wanna win?! Against who you used to be?!" Images of Kirishima's own past, his own shame, flash through his head. "If you run away now, you won't be a man anymore! Fight, Katsuki!"
Maybe he doesn't like Eijirou getting all high and mighty. Maybe he doesn't like being challenged like this or anyone implying he might lose in any way…. Or maybe somewhere deep down, Bakugo's sick of his own bullshit too. Whatever the reason, he gets angry.
He gets angry enough to turn back around and scream, "I'm not gonna lose! I don't give a fuck about manliness or love or any'a that shit! But no matter who or what I fight, I'm gonna win! That's why…" He points at Midoriya as if challenging her to a fight. "You… Izuku!" Midoriya's heart nearly stops. "You better hope you don't regret sayin' you love me! 'Cuz I'm a little shit who doesn't give a fuck about that! Always have been, always will be! But… if I really do end up feelin' the same way about you, I'm not gonna hold back either! I ain't gonna run away from you! I'm gonna give it everything I got too! That's why…!" He pauses to breathe and to really get his thoughts together. As he lowers his hand, he starts to get that vulnerable look on his face again. "That's why I gotta really think about it! I gotta take it seriously! I'm not lookin' down on you or underestimatin' you again! If you say you're gonna wait, then I know you will! So… let me give you a real answer. I… promise I will. You're… Love or not, you're important to me, so… I… can't just avoid you." Somehow, he feels like he's ripped away dozens of layers to get to this point, and finally he says, "I don't want to lose you like this, so I know I gotta think about it." That's it. For now, he knows that's the only answer he can confidently give. He doesn't have the first clue about all this love stuff other than what other people keep telling him. But one thing he does know for certain is that he doesn't want to lose Izuku Midoriya. The only thing harder than possibly saying he loves her would be saying goodbye to her.
Midoriya's eyes water as she smiles and says, "Yeah. Thank you, Kacchan. I'll wait."
In the end, facing her wasn't so scary. In the end, he really had been running away. But that's because he never once thought that the key to figuring this stuff out was to just be himself and take on the challenge as usual. That's why the next time he gets stuck, he won't run. He's determined to fight. And when he wins, his answer will be the prize.
Hey, just letting everyone know there'll be a bit of a delay for the next chapter. Instead of this Friday, it'll post the Monday after. Sorry for the inconvenience! (But I'm glad I didn't leave you all on a cliffhanger :P)
