The improbable Agreement
Definitely making fun of Harry Potter here. Canon Harry is such a pushover.
A further chapter in the Unlikely Agreement. Our Hero has kindly married the destitute Carrow twins, in the face of temptation, a.k.a. Heiress Daphne Greengrass.
-==0==-
Harry stood in the Ministry of Magic atrium, uncomfortable in formal robes.
Crowds moved about, thought they tended to stop and stare at Harry Potter, the school dropout married to two sixth years.
Harry took a deep breath and headed off through the crowd towards the lifts.
He got to the lift and squeezed in.
"Potter" said a familiar female voice by his ear. His spine tingled. He turned his head.
Daphne Greengrass, wearing formal robes, stood in the left next to him. She looked, Harry mused rather cross. He was getting very good at recognising cross young women; after all he was married to two manipulative witches.
Harry did not speak, but made eye contact. Greengrass narrowed her eyes, telling Harry in what he now considered to be the language of Slytherin witches; 'we are going to talk very soon'.
Harry got out of the lift and headed towards the Floo network authority; where he was going to fill in paperwork and pay money. Harry hoped that somewhere along the line, the Floo connection to Grimmauld place might also be extended to a second fireplace; so that not all visitors had to enter via the kitchen. Hestia insisted.
"Potter" said Daphne Greengrass, again. Harry jumped. At least he wasn't next to her in the lift.
He turned "Miss Greengrass" he said, and gave a small nod. The book had been pretty clear, that was how He, a married man, greeted Daphne Greengrass, an unmarried woman.
"You married the Carrows" she said without introduction.
"They, er, made a compelling argument" said Harry, getting uncomfortable at feeling like a complete patsy.
"So you're a pervert and a degenerate?" said Greengrass. "Typical"
"I married both of Flora Potter and Hestia Black" said Harry.
Greengrass pursed her lips "I still find myself needing a husband" she said.
"Well, I'm doubly spoken for" said Harry. "I have some friends I could rec…." Harry was cut off by a glare he'd seen before from Hermione, and both his wives. Forget to put the toilet seat down once…
"Potter!" said Greengrass forcefully "Pay attention!"
Harry snapped out of his funk.
"Well I can't make you Daphne Potter or Daphne Black, so we're done with this" said Harry.
"Humhp!" said Daphne "I'm the Heiress of Greengrass. I need a husband, not a surname." she said stiffly.
"You, er, want to er, what ?"
"I need a husband, who preferably is rich and from a good family. You are effectively both. That you have two poor twins hanging off your wallet is neither here nor there"
"But I can't marry three witches" said Harry.
"You wouldn't be marrying anyone. I am offering a new deal. I marry you, and you for legal purposes are then Harry Potter-Black-Greengrass. Your poor choices in wives notwithstanding, I get a source of heirs, and some company, should the twins leave anything behind after their unnatural appetites"
Harry winced "The twins don't, don't, well, anything" the words stumbled out of Harry's mouth.
Daphne Greengrass laughed, a rich, musical, rolling laugh.
"Oh, that is delicious. So you're feeding, clothing and housing them, and sleeping cold and alone" said Daphne, with a chuckle. "You wouldn't have lasted a week in Slytherin."
Harry made fists, took a deep breath and mentally counted to twenty, breathing out.
"Miss Greengrass, I find your offer favourable. Present it in writing, and I'm sure we can reach an agreement" said Harry.
Daphne Greengrass smirked and snorted "Oh, and Potter, I expect a substantial present. Most witches would have given up on you as soiled goods by now" she said, then winked.
Harry turned and fled, not noticing Daphne Greengrass barely being able to contain her giggles.
-==0==-
"So how did it go?" asked Tracey Davis, reading a magazine, while Daphne changed into horse-riding clothes.
"He's negotiating" said Daphne and snorted "The Carrows really got him, and don't do anything"
Tracey laughed. "What a sap" she said.
"He is cute, but easily led" said Daphne. "We'll offer a one-way marriage. He will almost certainly accept"
"So you do want him?"
"Oh merlin yes. He's stupidly powerful. Cute, and easily controlled. Flora and Hestia have turned him into a trust fund. I can get everything I want."
"And no more flashing the girls at him?" asked Tracey.
"He knows they're there. He's still entranced." said Daphne confidently.
"And you want him?"
"Well, wouldn't you?" asked Daphne.
"To be honest, the pickings are poor these days" said Tracey. "Though I draw the line at having to share Harry Potter with you and the Carrows."
Daphne roared with laughter "Oh Tracey, you're a riot!"
Tracey sighed. 'If the Carrows aren't using Harry… well, I could share with Daphne.' she thought.
-==0==-
"And so, after the war, I got married your mother, who'd been working as a nurse in the battlefield hospital" said Harry.
AN: That's enough.
