AN: Hello there. I'll reiterate the warnings. This is kind of a SI!Naruto, though not in the now-classic reincarnation/transmigration sense. This is a kind of Gamer!Naruto, though not in the now-classic screens and stats sense either. Last but not least, this is an AU, in part due to the genderbending of a number of characters but not merely. Also, shinobi are not heroes.
All those walking the nindo will, at some point in their life, use ninjutsu, for the techniques of endurance have become inseparable from its philosophy. To practice ninjutsu, however, means to muster chakra. It is the fundamental power necessary to fuel the esoteric abilities of ninjutsu. The nature and origin of this might, that all living beings bear within them, is unknown and scholars have sought to answer these interrogations for ages, without success. Old myths and archaeological finds have allowed the most determined researchers to formulate relatively convincing hypotheses but their propositions are nothing but, in the end.
For the ninja, who walks the nindo, these considerations are often without interest. The only thing that matters is the mastery over ninjutsu, as it is too often a matter of life or death. Mastery over ninjutsu is, however, impossible without mastery over one's chakra. Mastery over any subject is impossible without an intricate understanding of the way it functions. Hence, any ninja, be they a green aspirant or an accomplished veteran, should question themselves about the origin of this power they use daily. They'll find here a guide, both practical and theoretical, that will help them with that.
A ninja should understand chakra control as a three steps process. The first stage is called moulding. Chakra is a meld, it is well-accepted now, of our physical and spiritual energies at an equilibrium. What these energies truly are is unknown, however, hence why we will prefer the term "potential". The fusion between physical and spiritual potentials is an unconscious process that can be found in every living being. The first step towards chakra control is to be able to force this process to happen consciously. Moulding is often neglected despite it being just as critical as the two next stages. It is during the moulding phase that a ninja can decide whether or not to skew their chakra towards yin, yang or keep it balanced. It is during this phase that most of the chakra is wasted; indeed, young ninja, in particular, tend to mould too much for what they need and exhaust themselves.
The second stage is called imprinting. Once chakra is moulded in the hara, it starts flowing in the coils, as blood flows in the veins. Through hand signs and focus, the ninja can give their chakra specific properties. Hand signs are used to physically influence the coils, shutting and opening them in rapid succession and hence, sculpting the energy. Hand signs mainly shape the physical aspect of chakra. Focus operates in much the same fashion but shapes the spiritual aspect of chakra. A rigorous and specialized physical regimen may allow a ninja to forgo hand signs by learning to directly alter the state of their coils. Ninjutsu masters often undergo parts or all of this training to augment their casting speed.
The last stage is one of two. Chakra that has been properly moulded and imprinted can be either channelled or recombined. Channelling chakra means, at its most basic, internally flooding parts or the entirety of the body in order to achieve some effects. Taijutsu relies entirely on channelling and tremendously augment body strength, speed, flexibility and so on, depending on the style. Recombination means manifesting the chakra outwardly. Gaijutsu relies entirely on recombining chakra outwardly in order to achieve some effects, elemental jutsu being the most famous.
There are, however, subtleties, most famously with Genjutsu. Chakra might be either recombined around the caster to create a sensory illusion or channelled through the target's body to induce a neurological hallucination. Some taijutsu not only augment the physical abilities of the users, they also help damage the body of the opponent through aggressive channelling. Some gaijutsu are first recombined externally before being channelled inwardly to affect the body; iryojutsu would be a perfect example of this. There is no absolute rule about channelling and recombination. What the ninja should remember, however, is that both manipulations are critical in that chakra is easily wasted or lost during them, inducing the failure of the ninjutsu.
This is the beginning of "A Treatise on Chakra and Ninjutsu", authored by Hiruzen "The Professor" Sarutobi, Sandaime and current Hokage of Konohagakure. Yes, I know it all by heart, so what? I am a nerd. Most importantly, it helps me distract myself from the pain. I cannot quite remember why yet - it is right on the tip of my tongue - but I have the distinct impression that a steamroller just flattened a layer of macadam and tried to fuse me with it. Also, who is the bastard who is tickling all of my nerves ending with a hot needle? I would appreciate it if they could stop. Maybe my sister finally made good on her threat to drop me from the Hokage Mountain. No, she would not have done that. She was definitely joking. Though, with Shizuna, you never know for sure.
I open my eyes and - surprise! - I am in a hospital room. Did I dip my left arm in boiling oil? Because it sure feels like I did. I genuinely do not remember selling my right shoulder to a butcher either, money was not that tight but if that is the case, I cannot understand why it hurts so damn much. Did I spare against a mountain? I blink away a few tears when I shift; I am wrapped in bandages and I look like a corpse before cremation.
In the bed right next to me lies Iruka Umino, reading some magazine, and that is when the gates of my memory finally open. I groan. It is Shizuna's fault. The stupid girl was tricked into committing treason. I swallow my annoyance because, when I try to squeeze my fists and grit my teeth, my body not so kindly reminds me that I am wounded. I told her we would plead her case to Jiji but did she listen to me? No, of course, she rarely does. She went along with a completely hair-brained scheme that Mizuki - this rat, of all people - offered to her.
My sister and I have been students at the Military Academy for the past six years and yesterday (I think it was yesterday but maybe I slept an entire day already), Shizuna failed the graduation trials. It is not our fault for not trying enough. I am the better student of us two so I coached her, trained with her, even badgered Iruka for a few mock exam papers of the last years so we could prepare to the max. Shizuna failed because she is just incapable of performing the Bunshin jutsu.
Except it does not make sense that she failed. I made sure she was up to snuff in the written exam, I forced her to focus for the entire year so her score was not diminished by silly things like attendance and discipline, I fought against her atrocious chakra control - that's why I know Sarutobi's book by heart - until she was able to perform the Henge jutsu. To fail simply because of the Bunshin jutsu could not be real or just. I know that last year, a student who could not perform any Gaijutsu at all earned his hitai-ate. Shizuna should have earned hers.
Hence why I wanted to plead her case to Iruka and Jiji because, frankly, that was horseshit. I just asked her to be patient and not do anything stupid. I am going to roast her. I am going to roast her so, so hard she is going to feel the burn until next year. She is going to eat some "Tomato-head" and "Bird-brain" for a month, I swear.
Mizuki told her she could pass by stealing the Scroll of Seals and learn any jutsu from it. I have no idea how she even stole such an important scroll. Honestly, the security ought to be tightened because if my sister can steal it, real dangerous people could just waltz in the Hokage Tower too and just take anything they want. I digress. Shizuna stole the Scroll of Seals, triggered an alarm, launched half the shinobi forces present in the village after her - my little self included - until Iruka and I found her. She had learned the Kage Bunshin jutsu in the meantime.
That is when shit went down. Mizuki attacked us. The bastard dropped a massive bomb on my sister's lap and went for her throat while she was just processing it. It is a solid shinobi tactic. I pushed my sister out of the way and took a dai-shuriken in the right shoulder. That is why I feel like it was sliced off and reattached. It literally was! Shizuna's brain shut down when she saw me wounded. Iruka fought Mizuki off and probably roused her fighting spirit because I think she broke Mizuki's neck afterwards, with a cohort of clones.
When I say a cohort, I mean literally a cohort. She created maybe six hundred replicas in the little clearing where we - well, I say "we" but it was Iruka and her, I was frankly out of commission - fought.
I cannot help the way my body tense at the thought. The anger flushes the pain out of my system. I know Mizuki is - was? - a chunin and I know I am merely a genin. Chunin are stronger, faster, meaner than me. I still feel like I was useless. I pushed my sister off the course of a dai-shuriken, yes, but I took it and was incapacitated for the rest of the fight. That is miserable and I refuse to ever be miserable again. I refuse to be cold and listless while my sister is fighting. I squeeze my fists hard enough that my nails cut through my palms. My right shoulder protests, vehemently might I add but I pay it no mind.
"Hello, Naruto."
I snap my head to the right - ouch, damnation, why did I do that? - and I see that my favourite Academy instructor, Iruka, has noticed I was up. He has much fewer bandages on his body than I do, which must be good.
"Hi, Iruka-sensei."
He gives me a smile. "How do you feel?"
"Like I fought a bastard and lost, 'ttebana." I have a pout on my face. I know I should be mature and all that but I still lost, the pain still sucks and I still feel useless.
"What you did was very brave, Naruto." Iruka says as if he can read my mind. He probably can read my face and that is enough, to be fair. "Never doubt that. Some older shinobi wouldn't have taken a hit for their comrades like you did."
"She's my sis," I murmur. "I can't let her be hurt. Even if she's stupid. I can't say I would have taken it if it had been anyone else."
"Maybe, maybe not. You still got in harm's way to save her. That's what shinobi do."
I nod. I have heard this kind of tune countless times in the Academy. The shinobi of Konohagakure are the vessels in which the Will of Fire burns. I am not too sure about what it means to me but as far as my sister is concerned, I will fight for her. I was born first, which makes me the older twin and big brothers keep their little sisters safe. Do not question me on that, I know that this is how it works.
"Say, Iruka-sensei?"
"Yes?"
"What Mizuki said… How much of it is true?"
Iruka sighs. He visibly has to turn his tongue seven times in his mouth before he finally starts talking. "Everything and nothing. The Kyuubi is sealed inside her through a great work of fuinjutsu. They form two distinct beings. She is certainly not a demon but Mizuki said that to get to her head. She… we call people with her burden jinchuuriki."
I am not going to think any less of my sister for it - I am not going to do anything like this ever again, I swore long ago - but I am still curious. It is kind of difficult to wrap your head around it when you are told your sister is the living cage of the beast that attacked the village on the day of your birth, some twelve years ago.
The attack of the Kyuubi no Yoko was an absolute nightmare if you are to believe anyone who lived through it. A lot of our classmates are either missing a parent or orphans because of this monster. My sister and I belong to the latter category. The Yondaime Hokage, Minato Namikaze, died in order to stop it. I have always found it curious that we were never told exactly how he did it. I asked Iruka once and he told me that he honestly had no idea. There are talks of a mysterious jutsu being used that night, one that chilled the air and turned the milk even worse than the Kyuubi but those are rumours, nothing concrete.
The answer was, he used fuinjutsu to seal the monster in the coil of Shizuna Uzumaki, born on the day of the attack. Then, the bastard kicked the bucket with probably no idea of what he had just saddled my sister with. I say bastard because, thanks to what he did, the villagers scorn my sister and, by extension, me.
They have this thousand-yard stare when they look at us, always keeping us in the corner of their eyes. They make it clear to us that Shizuna is guilty of a horrible crime and that I am guilty too, by association but obviously, they never tell us what kind of sin we supposedly committed. We are a shitstain in the perfectly clean glass of their reality and they would really like us to just disappear. She has been putting up a front and playing the clown ever since I can remember but I know how much it is hurting her. I am just a collateral and it hurts me.
"So much for the Will of Fire,"
I mutter it low but Iruka hears me.
"Pardon?"
I flush, in embarrassment first, in anger second. "So much for the Will of Fire!" I growl, glaring at Iruka, challenging him to say anything. "I thought we were all supposed to be some kind of big family but we've never been part of it! And for what? 'Cause this Yondaime bastard sealed the Kyuubi in my sis without even leaving her an autograph! You have any idea how it feels to be looked at like you should just die, sensei?! 'Cause that's how people look at Shizuna! She didn't ask anything but nobody cares about that! That's so damn unfair, 'ttebana!"
I blink the tears that are pressing against the back of my eyes and look askance, my features set in a glare. Even Iruka used to look at my sister as if she was the source of all his pain. He changed; I really think he is a great guy and I like him but still, he used to look at us as if we were ghosts coming to haunt him. I don't want to accuse him of anything or say things that I will regret, however, so I bite my tongue. I saw shame flash in his eyes too, so it helps me keep quiet.
"Something… The attack broke something in Konohagakure," Iruka says softly.
I glance at him sideways. He looks sheepish and ashamed.
"We haven't been mourning properly", he continues before his voice goes down to a whisper. "It was… it was easier to blame your sister and you. We really forgot our Will of Fire. I really think Shizuna and you have what it takes to make it burn bright again. You two never give up and that's why I know your sister will make a great Hokage."
I scrunch my eyes shut. He does not have any idea how much I hate the villagers and anything that has to do with the Will of Fire right now. He does not have any idea how the constant glares and whispers made me feel, long ago, what they made me do. He does not have any idea that the guilt was so stifling, the ignorance so crushing, the loneliness such a poison, that I used to want to have absolutely nothing to do with my own sister. He does not have any idea that the way we were treated made me wish Shizuna were dead, just so I could be free from her.
People made me hate my own sister, all because they are cowards and I do not think I will ever stop hating them for that. I do not care about whatever is broken. Something that is broken is something that hurts. Konohagakure deserves some pain for what they put us through.
I do not answer my sensei. Whatever Shizuna decides to do, I will be there to help her along the way. I am never abandoning her, not ever again. I am her pillar and she is my light and I protect her.
Speaking of the wolf, the personified whirlwind that is my little sister just entered our hospital room.
"'Nana, wait-"
She is crushing me with all the strength of a gorilla. In all modesty, I hit like a brick wall. My sister hits like the whole Hokage Mountain is falling on you. It might be the Kyuubi, it might be that she got the better genes but when she gives me a hug, I tend to pray for my life.
"'Ruto!" She is wailing, of course. "I was so, so, so worried! Don't ever do that again!"
"'Nana - breathing - please." I am not sure how I even got that out. I am racked with pain and my lungs are definitely squeezed shut. She must have heard me because she releases me from her grip. I glare at her before I will my arms to move and grab her in a headlock. I start shampooing her hair dry.
"What do you mean, don't do that again?! I'm not letting you get sliced up into ribbons by that bastard Mizuki! And lemme tell you, if you're ever that stupid again, your name will officially become Tomato-bird-brain, you hear me?! I tell you we'll go to Jiji but do you listen? Noooo! You go and get yourself in trouble!"
I know Iruka - the bastard - is smiling behind our backs but I don't care. My sister needs to be admonished starkly. She whines and wails but let me dish out the punishment. Given that she is stronger than me and I am also wounded and in bed, she could have shaken me off but she knows she deserves it. It is exhausting to have such a knucklehead for a sibling. At some point, I release my grip on her, completely out of breath, my right shoulder doing an impression of a piece of meat forgotten on the barbecue. I keep her in a headlock and I kiss the top of her wonderfully red hair. I am jealous, honestly; mine is a nice, vibrant shade of blond but hers are unique.
"Seriously," I whisper, my throat so tight I can barely speak, "you never do that again, you hear me?"
"Yes, Naruto."
"Good." I cough once and I blink quickly. I wonder if I should ask her about the Kyuubi but decide against it after a second of reflection. Not in front of Iruka. "Good. Did you go see Jiji?"
Shizuna breaks a smile at me, one of her secret, ear-to-ear, shiny enamel crescents that I cannot do, otherwise, my cheeks just hurt. She shrugs my hold on her and starts twirling once, twice before she bounces on her heels.
"Iruka-sensei passed me!" She hollers, brandishing a well-worn hitai-ate from one of her pockets. "'Cause I made so many clones, he said I was good!"
I smile and a weight just lifts off my chest. I turn slightly to look at Iruka, who is also smiling slightly. He nods. I will still talk to him later about the fact he failed my sister at first.
"That's nice. You took your photo for your I.D yet?"
"Yeah! It's totally awesome!"
"You went for the kabuki one?"
"Yup!"
I grin. "Nice." My face falls into a frown. "How am I going to take mine?"
"Ha, right…"
My sister and I both turn to Iruka.
"While you're talking about this, I can tell you you don't have to worry. Your team placement will wait until you're out of this place. You'll be able to give the picture for your I.D then."
"Oh. Good then." I turn to my sister. "Remember the lessons. Listen to your team captain. Work with your teammates. And above all-"
"Don't be stupid. I know, bro, I know."
"Well, prove it to me then!"
"I'm trying!"
"You still fell for Mizuki's trick! You're not trying hard enough!"
"Hey! That's unfair! He is a teacher! How was I supposed to know he was trickin' me, 'ttebayo?!"
Iruka winces at that.
"'Cause there's no way stealing a scroll in the Hokage Tower to pass is a thing, 'ttebana!"
"Well, it was so badly guarded, I didn't think it was that important, 'ttebayo." She pouts, arms crossed over her chest.
"Oh yeah, by the way, how did you even steal it?"
Shizuna sniggers, her hand inefficiently hiding an impish grin. "Right, right, I need to tell you it! Actually, Jiji almost caught me."
I blink. The Hokage - yes, we call him Jiji, he must like it because he is old enough that he would have told us to stop otherwise - actually caught her? Then how-
"That's when I used my Oroike jutsu to distract him. The old man was all stunned!" She chortles before she starts dancing, wiggling her hips left and right. "Jiji is a perv! Jiji is a perv!"
I am going to wreak havoc in Jiji's office. I am not one for pranks, that's my sister's alley, but Jiji is going to pay.
"What's wrong, 'Ruto? You look like you need to take a crap."
"Nothing." I smile as wide as I can. My eyes are probably shining with murder. "Nothing at all."
My sister looks at me with her head tilted for a second or two, blinks then shrugs. "'Kay then. You need anything by the way?"
"No, thanks, I'm all good."
"You sensei?"
"I'm fine, Shizuna, thank you."
"You know when you are out?"
"The doctors said Naruto will be good to go in another day or two, top." Iruka answers in my stead, helpfully. "It will depend on what his wound looks like. But you two heal fast so there's nothing to be worried about."
That is kind of an understatement on Iruka's part here. What takes a normal person a week to heal, I shrug it in three days. My sister is even more impressive. It literally takes a few seconds for the wound to disappear when she scrapes her knees.
"What he said. Now, run sis, I know you don't like it here. I'll be seeing you."
She beams a smile at me. "Thanks. See you later. I'll be coming with some ramen to go!"
"Nice!"
She darts out of the room, forgets to close the door, gets shushed loudly in the hallways, skips back to close the door, a sheepish smile on her face and finally disappears. I roll my eyes before a giant sigh escapes my lungs as I fall back on my cushions.
"You know, sometimes, I wonder if she's ready to be a kunoichi." Damn the tremors in my voice, making me sound so weak.
"She is strong," remarks Iruka. "You helped her a lot and she has a dangerous ace up her sleeve now."
I make no comment on the "helped her a lot" part. I instructed Shizuna more than Iruka, an actual instructor, ever did. Having to go through the necessary material to the point I could teach it to my sister helped me tremendously so I don't know if I should hold it against Iruka or not. As a matter of principle, I think I will. It was his job after all. Not now, however.
"She is a bird-brain, she is rash and she is just like still thinks she's going to save the princess and defeat the evil lord." I hide my eyes with my left arm. "She isn't ready."
"She'll have teammates to rely on and a captain to guide her. She's strong. She'll be okay."
I do not like doubting my sister's abilities. It is not even her abilities that I am doubting but her mindset. Shinobi are not heroes, contrary to what she believes. Shinobi are soldiers, men and women of violence, who sell their blades to the highest bidder. I hope it will not cost her too much to realise that. I can only believe in her.
I spend the next day alone in my hospital room. Iruka was only lightly wounded during the confrontation with Mizuki and so, he is discharged in the morning. He has to be at the Military Academy a bit before noon to divide every newly minted genin into teams of three. As the clock ticks the minutes away and noon is finally behind us, I wonder whom my sister was assigned to. I hope the Sage made them patient… and not biased.
I've been wondering all morning who my teammates would be. It is pointless but it keeps me busy enough that I do not worry. Shizuna and I knew we would not be assigned to the same cell; family members rarely are, for psychological reasons. It is one thing to be told that one of your kin died on a mission, it is another to stay sane when they die in your arms. The efficiency of the measure is kind of mitigated because there are rather large clans making up at least half the shinobi population, which means that even if your siblings are not in your team, they are probably in the team fighting right next to yours during wars. It is, however, better than nothing.
Now I am currently trying to read a book on chakra theory, one that Iruka stealthily slipped past Shizuna and gave to me yesterday evening - he knows my sister calls me a nerd when I read anything remotely theoretical. I've been at it since the beginning of the afternoon but "trying" is the keyword in my current situation because I am distracted.
My left arm has been itching something fierce since morning. It was entirely tolerable at first but it has worsened with each passing hour. It still is getting worse. Right now, I am rereading a sentence for the tenth time because I cannot focus on the text.
It feels like an army of ants is crawling under my skin, through my flesh and alongside my bones. From my elbow to the tip of my fingers, I have got the worst ever case of pins and needles going on and it is not only painful, but it is also driving me mad. Literally too, because I think I am hearing some kind of deep whisper echoing through my frame. It is not the kind of sound you pick up with your ears, it is the kind that vibrates your body.
It is five o'clock when I lay my book on my nightstand before I turn around to scream like a loon in my cushion. Rolling flat on my back, I close my eyes and focus on my hara, where chakra is moulded, while I forcefully wrestle control of my breathing.
Inhale, short. Exhale, long. Inhale, short. Exhale, long. Inhale, short.
Exhale, long.
I never knew that there was an equivalent to electromagnetic white noise for chakra. I have no other words to describe the sensation radiating from my left hand. Something - that is not my doing, I am positive about that - is trying to reach me and is testing different frequencies in order to do so.
I hesitate. I truly do, for a solid minute even. Curiosity killed the cat and my curiosity will probably get me killed one day but I mould some chakra and send some to my hand, more than the natural trickle. For a single second, I feel like I am a head of cattle and someone is marking me with an iron, right on my left palm. The pain causes my heart to jump in my throat but before I can be sick, the sensation stops abruptly.
I blink and reel my left hand to me - it is like dragging a piece of lead - and examine my appendage. My breath catches in my throat. There is something new.
It is roughly the size of a coin, slightly oval in shape and grey. It is smooth and in relief, I can feel it under my fingers. There is a line cutting it in half. I have no idea what "it" is but if I must hazard a guess, it seems to be like an eye currently hidden behind pale grey, hairless eyelids. Oh, Sage, this is so freaky! Where did it even come from? I am positive I did not have anything like this in the palm of my left hand yesterday.
It takes me barely a second to formulate a hypothesis. It came from the Scroll of Seals. It must have, there is absolutely no other explanation as to why I would have grown a freaky eye in the palm of my hand. It could be worse, I suppose; it could have been a palm tree. I chuckle at the thought, through the sweat and the echoes of pain. It comes out dry and raspy. Oh, Sage, give me strength and grant me patience but I am going to kill my sister! Why did she get the cool Bunshin Jutsu and I got the freaky eye? Before I can reach for the switch and call a nurse to inform a doctor of this interesting development, the eye opens.
It really does look like an eye and the line was indeed separating two eyelids. The eye itself does not have any pupil, iris or anything remotely similar to the real deal, however. Instead, there are two tears, one pitch black, the other snow white, perfectly melding together. There's a drop of the opposite colour in each half. I have got a taijitu eye in my hand. Before I can even assimilate this piece of information, the white noise disappears and chakra connects with chakra. It is brutal.
My brain is bludgeoned by an entire storm of information. I barely have the time to say my prayers before my skull tries to spontaneously open in two and the pain obliterates my sense of self and time. The only thing left that counts is the hurt.
When I come to, I am drenched in sweat, trembling like a leaf and my lower face is marred with dry blood. I groan, grab the buzzer and call a nurse before my eyes crash closed.
Twenty-four hours later, the doctors are formal: they found nothing. As I lie in my bed, in the little flat I share with my sister, I try to wrap my head around this confusing piece of information. The two practitioners who auscultated me acknowledged that a vessel burst in the back of my nose, which caused the nosebleed. There is, however, absolutely no trace of the freaky eye-like thing merged with my left hand. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my chakra or my left arm or my head. The doctors concluded I was still a little tired from my brush with death and made me rest one more day before releasing me from the hospital. It is a relief Shizuna was too busy going through her new life as a ninja to pester me too much. She did bring me some flowers and snuck a to-go cup of ramen from Ichiraku, "to help with the recovery", as per her words. It was nice.
The thing is, when people understandably doubt you because they cannot see what you can, you begin to doubt your sanity in turn. You start questioning whether you are crazy or not. Did I imagine this? The easy answer is "yes". I was tired, in pain and worked up; I could have had a strange hallucinatory episode. The mysteries that the brain can cook are often beyond the understanding of even the best Yamanaka mind-reader.
The more complicated response is "no". Not necessarily because I trust myself beyond doubt; I have studied the principles of genjutsu and I know the senses of a man can be easily trumped. No, my conviction lies elsewhere, chiefly in the fact that I can feel the eye now burning deep in my hara, at the origin of my chakra. It forms a black and white sphere, which is blurred, incomplete. Maybe "unbalanced" would be the best word to describe it.
The yin and the yang bleed into one another, like blood seeping in mud, in a perpetual, chaotic and overall disharmonious flow. There is none of the delicate equilibrium I perceived on the day it appeared on my hand. The immediately obvious difference, beyond the geometry, is the swarm of satellites orbiting the light and shadow sphere. Eight marks surround it, gravitating around it in a perfectly locked ballet.
I know - do not ask me how, I just do - that one represents my endurance, another my strength, a third my speed and so on for agility, will, intelligence, cunning and memory. Much like the Moon causes the tides to shift and rise, these marks cause ripples to appear on the sphere, the intensity of which betrays the power behind each of my attributes. Considering I have absolutely no frame of reference, I can only compare myself to myself.
I might have gained some sort of fitness tracker from the debacle with the Scroll of Seals. It does sound useful. No, let me formulate that once again. It sounds extremely useful. Certainly, I have no clear idea of what my baseline means right now but I just need to run a few tests and I'll easily be able to determine where I stand, physically speaking at least.
I can already tell that my endurance is off the charts. It creates an absolute unit of a tsunami on the surface of the sphere. In comparison, my seven other attributes are rather equivalent in the way they deform the eye. Not that it means much because, after all, why compare speed and will, or strength and cunning? What sense would it have to do so? None. What is more interesting, at least in my opinion, is the fact that yang-light is disproportionately important compared to yin-obscurity. Right now, I'm thinking it might be the reason for the general imbalance within the sphere. It might mean that I am more physical than intellectual.
I try to take it with a lot of salt and force myself to consider it as little more than a hypothesis for now. I am rather proud of all the theoretical work I put in in order to pass the Academy, even going above and beyond in some subjects that truly interest me. I was the best student in my class, ranking first, right in front of Sakuro Haruno and with a comfortable advance over Sasuki Uchiha. Though, as "The Professor" once said, "if you lack Heaven, learn, if you lack Earth, train". Knowledge and fitness can both be worked towards and I do not lack motivation.
I blink as I awaken from my meditative state. A noise pulled me out of it and I smile when I realize that it is my sister. Shizuna drags her frame through the hallway and greets me with a half-hearted "hello" before she sags on the couch right next to me.
"Heya. How was your day?"
She slaps a hand against her face and groans. She drags the appendage slowly down her visage and speaks at the same time, causing her words to come out all warped. "Pwease, chust kill me, alweady!"
I chuckle. "Not exactly the cool life you were expecting?"
"We're doing chores! Sasuki is all broody, Sakuro-kun is a love-struck idiot and Kakashi-sensei is always late! Urgh! I didn't sign up for all this!"
"You signed up exactly for all this. You just never bothered to listen in the Academy when they warned us against D-ranks."
She pouts at my words. "Yeah, yeah… It's just… Why Sasuki gotta be all gloomy all the time!? And Sakuro-kun is fawning over her, he can't stop! And Kakashi-sensei doesn't teach us anything. I can't wait for you to get your team, you'll see how horrible it is then."
I understand Sasuki Uchiha. I don't know how it feels to have your clan slaughtered by one of your kin until all that is left is a ragtag bunch of a dozen elders and children, you included. My sister and I have our own baggage to carry, so there is that, but I don't want to compare or rank our suffering. I understand the temptation to hate everything and everyone though. I understand the alluring urge to brutally maim all those who have the gall to say "life is unfair, deal with it". We have had to endure eyes full of resentment and hate for all the life that we can remember. Meanwhile, Sasuki has had to go through rows upon rows of people pitying her, all too happy the tragedy didn't strike them.
Were it not for Shizuna, who has this completely unnatural - and frankly, kind of worrisome - ability to "deal with it", I would be much like Sasuki, I think. That is why I - Shizuna too, in her own frontal ways - tried to engage her over the years at the Academy. Our successes have been varied.
"I don't know why you're so hung on Sakuro when Hinashi is crushing on you so hard."
My sister turns red, as red as her hair, in fact. "Shut up! Stupid bro! Hinashi doesn't have a crush on me!"
I shrug. "Whatever you say."
"It's true!" she protests vehemently as she starts wailing on me.
I hurriedly shift my shoulder away from her. It's healed but still a little tender. "Alright, alright, I said whatever! Stop hitting me!"
"Hinashi doesn't have a crush on me! Okay?!"
"Okay." I grumble. Shizuna smiles at me victoriously and gets up to walk into the kitchen "He totally does, 'ttebana," I whisper at her back under my breath.
"What's that?"
"Nothing! In other news, I've already told you your bullheaded routine won't work with Sasuki."
My sister passes her head in the kitchen's door frame and gives me an absolutely insufferable grin. "Ooohhh," she coos, "and what should I do to open your precious little flower to the world?"
The root meaning of shuriken, before it has come to designate a wide variety of throwing weapons of different shapes and forms, is "hidden hand blade". I have graduated as the best genin of my promotion so it is natural I know this kind of "stupid details", as my sister calls them. Anyway, to make it short, in shuriken, there is "hidden" and I always have at least three shuriken hidden on my person. I remind Shizuna of this fact with a swift throw that narrowly misses - as intended - the top of her head. The blade ends up in the ceiling of the kitchen. My sister yelps in fright.
I smirk. "Call her that to her face, I dare you."
Shizuna blows a raspberry at me. "I don't wanna die, stupid bro."
"I have my doubts sometimes."
My sister blinks then frowns. "Are you calling me stupid, 'ttebayo!?"
"Maybe I am. Anyway!" I cut her off before she can burst a vessel, "you could try to be friends with her, you know? The normal way?"
"Whaddya mean "the normal way"?"
I roll my eyes. For all her liveliness, my sister had more trouble than me forming connections. Setting the fact that most of our classmates were told to either ignore or bully us by their parents aside, the few who weren't hostile were put off by her attitude at first. To be fair, Shizuna's never-ending enthusiasm can make her overbearing, bossy, exhausting, annoying, outright weird and an entire range of emotions in-between.
Shikahime still carries a small amount of wax to put in her ears whenever she and Choko hang out with us, as a running gag. My sister isn't a fan of it but it taught her to tone it down a bit when we hang out together.
"I don't know. Maybe try not to be always so confrontational?"
"We're rivals!"
I groan. "No. Shizuna, let's be real. You aren't rivals."
"We are, 'ttebayo!"
"Okay." I open my arms, fingers splayed in sceptical openness. "What for? Seriously, what are you two competing for?"
Shizuna frowns, deep in thoughts for a second, before she shows me her tongue. "To be the strongest? I dunno, it doesn't matter! We're rivals still, 'ttebayo!"
I grit my teeth and ball my fists because very few things exasperate me more than my sister's nonsense. I swallow my annoyance and force my tone to remain cool. I've had a lot of practice from all the times I tutored her. "You are being ridiculous here. And wouldn't it be nicer if you two could be friends?"
"Pff, who wants to be friends with this broody flat board anyway?!"
I raise an eyebrow. "Now, you are just being mean because you're jealous."
"Who's jealous?! Not me, 'ttebayo!"
"Really? You're not envious at all that she scored so much higher than you?"
"Nope! Not at all!" She grumbles, arms crossed against her nascent chest, her glare challenging me to say anything.
"So you two aren't friends right now. And what does being rivals bring you?"
"We grow stronger by competing, obviously."
I give her the flattest stare that I can manage. I've become really good at it over the years, enough that I can impress her with it. She starts to fidget until she cannot hold it in anymore.
"We are, too!"
Sometimes, just sometimes, I want to slap my sister. Like, hard, without restraint, full steam slapping because this right here is exactly the kind of exhausting she is capable of. The worst is, she doesn't truly realize how self-centred that makes her sound. She and Sasuki are friends or rivals or whatever, that is the end of the discussion and Sasuki's input isn't important. Also, all the efforts I put into her education are apparently worth nothing, no. She actually grows stronger because she is Sasuki's rival, not because I broke my back and fried my brain giving her remedial lessons.
"You're acting like back then," I warn her, as gently yet firmly as I can manage, "when Shika and Choko didn't want to hang out with you."
That silences Shizuna. She bites her lower lips and looks down. She looks like a fawn who has just been kicked. I steel my heart at the display - I've learned that it is perfectly unconscious on her part.
"Am I too overbearing?"
Her tone is fragile, like a whine, shaken by remorseful tremors. I let a massive sigh burst out of my lungs. I show her my right thumb and index finger, which I keep apart by a hairbreadth.
"Little bit."
She has the decency to look sheepish.
"Seriously, 'Nana, why not be friends with her?"
"'Cause she is so… so…"
"Aloof?"
"Annoying!" Shizuna spits, her eyes suddenly narrowed by anger. The deep purple of her iris has turned a stormy shade of wine as she paces in our little living room, flailing the air with her arms. "I just can't stand it! She acts like she is so much better! Like she doesn't need anyone or anything!-"
"Like she isn't lonely?"
My sister glares at me. I let it glide over me until she blinks and looks away in shame. Her frame deflates and loosens up.
"We talked about this already." In fact, we've had this exact - more or less - discussion at least twenty times. "You know she likely isn't well."
"She is still an asshole."
I sigh. Sasuki is, indeed and for lack of a better word, an asshole, I have to give my sister that. What she lived through left her scared and all thorny. She acts like she doesn't have time for others; she ignores everyone and everything that doesn't serve her need to grow stronger. It makes you feel like rabble and the fact she possibly doesn't really mean anything by it makes it worse. That, more than anything, rubs my sister the wrong way.
Shizuna and I have been actively ignored and isolated for as long as we can remember so I understand Shizuna's annoyance. Sasuki's behaviour is grating and I cannot say my drive to be the first in the Academy wasn't partially born from a deep-seated need to humble her. I'm smarter than my sister in that I actually found the girl's weak spot and went at it with all my might. It has become its own thing since then, a mix of necessity and genuine enjoyment but as far as bratty motivation goes, I used to be up here.
I understand Sasuki's want for revenge, too. To be perfectly honest, Shizuna and I did behave like pesky little tykes when we were younger, pranking people left and right for looking at us funny in order to vent some of our feelings. Shizuna was and still is more prolific than me but she is tame. She is the kind of clown who paints the Hokage Mountain and has a good laugh doing it. People act angry all they want but most find it funny too.
The only man who has ever hit my sister now lives far away from Konoha. I'm not saying I had a hand in his decision to leave and I won't be caught dead admitting anything to it but he had it coming.
Shizuna is the gnat, I'm the horsefly. Sasuki is still an asshole.
"You know… I'm sure if you show her what you're really capable of, Sasuki'll turn around." I hit my chest with my fist. "You learned from the best, after all, 'ttebana!"
When you actually challenge her, Sasuki acknowledges you. The first time she looked my way was when I stole the first place of our promotion. The second time was when I made her eat some dirt during a spar. Sakuro is all brain and no brawn so he doesn't enjoy the same luxury. That is not for a lack of trying on his part but I digress.
I don't care that much for Sasuki Uchiha. She is good looking, intelligent, she has these smoky eyes without even trying, these pale lips that look like the sweetest things on earth and she is a nerd. I don't care that much for Sasuki Uchiha. She happens to be in the same team as my sister and tightly knit teams are those that survive what the shinobi business throws at them.
"I think you two can be great rivals, but it'll take less boasting on your part-"
"-And more doing. I know, bro, I know."
And less sucking, I think silently but don't add out loud. My teeth are precious to me and the "sucking" part has become taboo since we have entered puberty.
"I just can't help it," my sister mumbles. "She makes me revert to my worst self."
"Well, you're a kunoichi now, so endure it."
"Arr, arr, real funny bro."
My retort is interrupted by the sound of our kettle whistling. Shizuna gets up and stretches, a happy grin on her face, our conversation momentarily relegated to the most remote corner of her mind.
"Dinner time!" She exclaims before she starts singing a silly song of her invention as she saunters towards the kitchen. "Delicious ra-ra-ramen, fantastic ra-ra-ramen…"
I smile. What else am I supposed to do here?
AN: feel free to leave a review.
