AN: Kaboom!
Ever noticed how strange life can be sometimes?
It has been a month since team three was formed; one entire month sweating, crying and bleeding under the leadership of Anko Mitarashi. I feel myself grow stronger, day after day. I can feel it in my every move, each time I run, lift, strike or spare against one of my teammates. I can literally see it every time I meditate, through the ways the inner sphere rotating in my hara has evolved over the past thirty days.
The yin and yang glow stronger, the delimitation between the two is starker. Each of my eight attributes digs formidable waves upon the surface of the eye. My strength, my will, my speed, my cunning and so on: all have been augmented, bettered, tempered. I know for a fact that I'm leagues better than what I was back in the Academy.
I think, without false modesty, that I could take on my sister or Sasuki without breaking a sweat. Team seven hasn't worked as hard as we did and, though no fault of their own - their captain is that lazy - the facts still remain. Shizuna and Sasuki are far from being as gracious in their motions; their steps do not possess the same predatory feel ours do.
I feel close to something. An equilibrium. A delicate balance. A higher understanding. The eye within me looks almost ready to… do what, exactly? I have no clear idea but I know something will happen soon. I just need some sort of push but I don't know what kind.
All at the same time, I've rarely realized so keenly how truly ignorant I really am, about life and its hardships in general, about actual knowledge in particular.
Being a shinobi means I have to work seven days a week, almost no exception. In the Academy, we used to have two days of break every five days. We've only had a mere two days of rest since the beginning of the month. I thought I was rich when I began sifting through D-ranks but I had no idea tools and weapons were so expensive, even though Konohagakure pays for half of her shinobi's equipment. I've even got to pay my taxes now. I was exempted until now, as a child but my hitai-ate identifies me as an adult. Taxes! Just thinking about filling in the paperwork gives me shivers. I'm responsible for water and electricity too; it used to be taken care of by the Orphan Commission but, hitai-ate, adult and all that.
That's not all, however. Everything that I thought I learned in the Academy, I now know I never truly got most of it. Sure, I'm still able to recite, just as our instructors wanted, the content of almost any lesson. What does it mean, though? What are the practical applications of this or that piece of intelligence?
It is as captain Mitarashi says: there's a big difference between going through a lesson like a good little sheep-student and really understanding it.
Two weeks ago, team three was on a D-rank in one of the steel mills of the Sarutobi clan. Next to us, an experienced worker lost half of his left hand to a machine. Like all accidents, it happened without warning, for no apparent reason. One second, everything is fine, the next, a gut-wrenching scream is barely covered by the sounds of steel being melted and forged. I had never seen so much blood before.
I'd like to say I was utterly useless but that's an understatement. Ryuji and I were frozen in shock, flip-flopping in the expanding pool of crimson liquid, gaping like retarded fishes. All of our lessons on first aid, field surgery, anatomy and whatnot? Forgotten.
Fucking waste of space, the other workers called us after the fact, not even bothering to discriminate between Ryuji and me. I've sworn I'd never freeze like that again since then.
Two days before that, we had to tend to one of the Yamanaka gardens. Koharu nearly died after tending to two different flowers. They are harmless when considered separately but their sap create a powerful neurotoxin when they combine. We knew about it, in theory. We learned it in the Academy. Or rather, we chewed and swallowed the information so that we could vomit it during an exam, never considering that it could affect us.
That's just two of the most memorable situations we had to confront. We got caught into plenty of insignificant, annoying problems that we could have avoided had we known about Life and how much of a bitch she can be. I understand, better than ever, the point of D-ranks. We needed the slap to the face that they gave us.
The fact that my sister complains about them shows me she really hasn't found the proper mindset a kunoichi (and, in passing, an adult) ought to possess. I'm not overly surprised, she has always been much more chaotic than I and I'm kind of chaotic already. She is as capable as anyone else to mature but it takes her greater amounts of focus and energy and it takes more time to decant.
It's a little (extremely) annoying that I'm the one who has to take care of the water and electricity bills though. Honestly, I was fully going to let it hang in the open, hoping Shizuna would adult a little and let me skirt it but when I saw what the fee would be for any delay in payment, I took care of it. Better safe than sorry on this front.
All that to say that we leave for our first C-rank mission tomorrow and I've genuinely no idea if we are ready or not. Physically and mentally, I feel strong, yet I cannot help but doubt. Will my techniques be enough? Will my knowledge fail me?
I think of Shizuna, who left two days ago on team seven's first C-rank. She was so excited. She told me that it's going a little bit better with her team. I hope she comes back unscathed.
"Of course, she'll come back unscathed," I chastise myself, unhappy with the pithy remark.
My night is a rocky one, much like the night before.
I meet my teammates in front of the Hokage Tower. The tall, red and bulbous building drowns Main Square in a large shadow in the morning and the place is a little fresh as a result. My nose is kind of runny; the fact I didn't sleep too well doesn't help.
"Hello Fishcake- Damn! You look like shit!"
"Hi, Monkey Girl." I sniff. "You don't look too fresh either."
Only Grumpy Owl appears relatively relaxed but his spine is way too straight. If the stick is back in Ryuji's ass, it means he is nervous. He glares at me. Did I speak out loud?
"I can hear you think, Fishcake."
"As per the law of Konohagakure, my freedom of thoughts is ensured as long as it doesn't pertain to treason."
"Nerd," scoffs Ryuji.
"Nuuurrrd~" adds Koharu.
"Fuck you. Both of you. Don't come to me the day you're in legal trouble."
"Who even knows the Konoha charters as you do?"
"Oh, I don't know. The Hokage?"
"I thought it was Shizu's deal?" Koharu remarks questioningly. "Becoming Hokage and all that."
"You don't think she has enough brain to remember any of it, Monkey Girl? Siscon here has learned it for her. He'll be her right-hand man if you know what I mean."
I want to hit Ryuji. He isn't entirely wrong… about my sister's brain. I do not have a sister complex! I really want to hit Ryuji now so that is what I do. He blocks. What a bastard! We exchange a few hits but none connect. I still strike as hard as I can and he winces. I smirk. It gave me time to think of a retort.
"At least my sister has some guts! Think your future clan-head will ask her out before the century ends?"
"Didn't we settle on a rule about "no tackling Hinashi" or does my memory fail me?"
"It's your imagination, Koharu."
"No," retorts Ryuji with a smile. "We did say that. So, what's Fishcake's punishment?"
"What is that!?" I holler. "I get to put my sandal up your ass three times!? Thanks, Grumpy!"
"You should give him a break, Naruto. Hinashi is nice," defends Koharu. "And cute," she adds after a second.
"And creepy! You never caught him following you with his puppy look!" I shudder.
"Now, now, be nice to the heir of my clan or, as a member of the bunke, I'll be forced to duel you and kill you, as a matter of honour. It'll be very tragic, Shizuna will hate the Hyuga and Hinashi, who will take his own life as a result. As you'd have crippled me and destroyed my good looks, Koharu will fall in despair because she is madly in love with m-"
Koharu slaps Ryuji behind the head, so hard that he stumbles. "Who is in love with you, you dirty little owl?"
"Want me to show you how dirty I can be, Monkey Girl?!"
Ryuji dodges the retaliatory strike and the two start brawling. As usual, it escalates and soon, Koharu tries to bite Ryuji's hand.
"If you don't cease right now, I'm soaking you to your bones."
They stop. I've expanded my incredible arsenal of two gaijutsu with a single suiton technique of my invention. I named it Suiton: Suibei. The "Water Wall" is really a simple mass of water-natured chakra launched at varying speeds at a target. There is nothing spectacular about it, it loses its coherence after five yards and it's quite chakra intensive. Doubtlessly, the Nidaime Hokage would scoff at such a measly attempt at a Suiton Jutsu.
It's my creation though and I'm quite proud of it. It can be useful for stopping the momentum of a brace of flying knives, muting an explosive tag, pushing away an opponent or, as it happens, get my teammates to behave.
"Hello, my little ducklings!"
We turn and stand at attention before captain Mitarashi. The demon-woman is smiling, which rarely augurs good things.
"Ready for your first C-rank mission?"
"Yes, captain."
We answer at the same time, our voices blending together perfectly. Captain Mitarashi made it clear, over the month, that she is our team leader. She isn't our "sensei" and we are certainly not her "students", much less her "peers". She told us we had to reach the rank of chunin for her to consider us as such. It was disgruntling at first but we came to understand. Our stations are, factually, different. We are snot-nosed genin, whether we like it or not. She is never demeaning about it, just firm in establishing boundaries.
"Good! Let's go then!"
We pass the security checks and kneel before the Hokage. It is still not Jiji but a Kage Bunshin… it really is an incredibly interesting cloning technique, one that my sister knows and I'm kind of jealous of her for it. Anyways.
"Ah, team three. Here for your first C-rank, I presume?"
"Yes, Lord Hokage," answers captain Mitarashi.
"I believe you had something in mind for them, Anko."
"Indeed, Lord Hokage. With your assent."
Not-quite-Jiji closes his eyes for a second as if weighing one last time whether or not he is going to grant captain Mitarashi's request.
"You have it." The Kage Bunshin offers our team leader a sealed scroll. "Here are the details of your mission, team three. Do you accept it?"
The formula is a ritual, it dates back to the founding of the village when Hashirama Senju had to navigate the fragile balance of this new alliance that was Konohagakure. Nowadays, it's accepted that shinobi have no choice but to take the orders of the Hokage.
"Yes, Lord Hokage." Captain Mitarashi answers for us, as the team leader should, completing the ritual.
We rise to our feet and march out of the Mission Office and into an adjacent briefing room reserved for shinobi. Captain Mitarashi opens the scroll, reads it carefully and rolls it back up.
"The details of the mission are as follows: The client is the Hachimonji Conglomerate. The target name is Konji Tanjiro. We need to find and bring him back to the town of Tanzaku before we trounce him in front of the Hachimonji's headquarters and remind him to pay his debts to the Hachimonji."
I blink. "Trounce… him?"
Captain Mitarashi shrugs. "Beat him up, physically debase him, offer him a quick esthetic surgery, say it however you want. Is everything understood, soldiers?"
Koharu gapes. Ryuji looks at our captain in complete disbelief. I blink again. I know shinobi aren't heroes, no matter what the Academy tried to feed us. I've read too many of Tobirama Senju's works and know too much about the man's dry pragmatism.
In order to preserve the haven of peace that is Konohagakure, all the ugliness of the world must be kept and dealt with outside her walls. Shinobi are those who sift through it, endure it and gain from it. Through the actions of her shinobi, Konohagakure grows stronger, richer and safer.
I thought I knew, at least. I didn't expect to experience it so fast. I really want to believe I'm more mature than my sister but… seriously. Where are the evil lords, the princesses and the snakes? I swallow thickly and nod, in spite of myself.
We are the agents that ensure the prosperity of Konoha. We are the vessels in which the Will of Fire burns. Everything we do, we do it for the betterment of our village. I repeat the mantra again and again in my head. Why do the words taste like outdated milk, rotting meat and mouldy bread?
I try to reassure myself. I'm sure this Konji Tanjiro is nothing but a thief who deserves the correction we are going to give him. I break the silence first. It's like pushing against a wall of steel and my voice sounds distant to my own ears.
"Do we…" I cough to clear my throat. "Do we know the location of the target?"
"He was last seen departing the town of Tanzaku three days ago, leaving towards the north." Captain Mitarashi gives us each a picture. "Here is his portrait, drawn by our experts. Keep it on you. We leave now."
The way to Tanzaku quickly turns into a waking nightmare.
It isn't because the way there is hard or the destination far, no; our training makes it easy. In addition, Tanzaku is actually relatively close to Konohagakure and the two cities have built a strong relationship over the years, so there is a nice road to thread.
The landscape isn't particularly dreadful either. At first, the Naka River lazes through a mountainous valley like a giant shining snake. Any incline that isn't too steep is terraced and cultivated. There is golden rice swaying in the breeze but also linen, cotton, daikons, eggplants and whatnot. Herds of oxen graze under the watchful eyes of herdsmen. Then, the mountains turn to hills and we eventually exit the gorges of the Naka to enter a wide plain. There are fields and pastures as far as the eye can see, haphazardly interrupted by thickets of trees, small villages and towns roosted upon the few heights that remain, often around the ruined remains of a fort dating back from the Kongoku Jidai.
The way to Tanzaku is nightmarish because, as soon as we leave the territory of Konohagakure, people start to look at us sideways. In the villages we go through, children hide from us, old folks cower at our passage, adults lower their heads and shoulders when we cross paths. It's depressing. It twists my guts, weighs on my chest like a screed of lead and burns my neck with the diffuse brand of shame. I give all I have to not appear affected by the people's behaviour, as per the Rules of Conduct in Operation.
We reach Tanzaku at the end of a single day of sustained travel; we eat up around twenty miles each hour during six hours. It's the standard pace expected from a genin team in wartime (captain Mitarashi loves war-time standards). The city is built in a large loop of the Naka River and the Old Town is girdled by a gargantuan red wall that is slowly falling into disrepair. Her outskirts have long since spilt out of the original limits of the city. It's a patchwork of architectural styles, much like Konohagakure is, without the trees. The buildings stand much, much higher.
The closer we get, the larger the roads become and the denser the traffic. Fields and pastures are progressively replaced by greenhouses, workshops and factories. Modest habitations - wood and bricks - grow like invasive fungus between the plants, framed by the rigorous layout of the streets. Pubs and other seedy joints are aplenty. Those are the outer suburbs of Tanzaku and the people living here are dusty, dirty, clad in thick, resilient clothes and marked, without exception, by their job.
Tanzaku is a rich town… city… megapolis? I've honestly no idea how far her districts sprawl but they seem endless to me. Tanzaku is the prosperous commercial and industrial hub along the Naka River that Konohagakure, for various reasons, cannot be. In spite of officially being under the authority of the Crown of Fire Country, Tanzaku enjoys many privileges - it is one of the three "free cities" of Fire Country, along with Konohagakure and Kagoshima. These privileges, Konohagakure is all too happy to help safeguard them in exchange for good, shiny gold.
The Hachimonji Conglomerate is a massive corporation, a union of eight craft guilds. They are incredibly rich and powerful and fight tooth and nail for things to remain that way. They are the ones who govern Tanzaku, the royal governor being a figurehead, much like the one in Konoha. The Hachimonji is the law, the ultimate authority, the local deity, with much more power than whoever is enshrined in the various temples of the town. They love to hire the shinobi of Konoha to remind the people where they stand and it shows.
It takes me the entire day but in the end, I learn that I've never been any more mature than my sister, I was just better at hiding it. I look at the fear in the folks' eyes when they see our hitai-ate and I cannot help but wonder. I wonder if terrifying the common people is all we do, if we're so callous that only the prosperity of Konoha matters, if saving the princess and slaying the snake truly is the job of more noble individuals. My mouth is dry and my tongue tastes like ash.
What our instructors meant in the Academy is that we are heroes inside our walls; they just never mentioned how we are villains right outside. I wonder how that can be. I mull the idea over and over, sinking in silent contemplation. My teammates are the same. In the relay we stop at, no one talks, no one touches their food - I physically can't - and I go to sleep early. I don't have a pleasant night.
The following day, we enter the city proper but we hardly blend in any better. The sheer crowd doesn't hide us at all; our outfits are too recognizable for us to stay hidden. People are used to seeing the leaf headband so they just ignore our presence, swerving away from our path when they notice us. It reminds me of how the citizenry treats me in my hometown, except my teammates and captain are just as much the targets of the ambient distrust as I am. It's weirdly comforting, in a way, to not be the only boogeyman. Captain Mitarashi greets two other Konoha shinobi cells, chunin doing I don't know what; we imitate her in a muted fashion.
We see a few self-traction cars, their engines purring underneath the hood. These machines are noisy, smelly, barely faster than us and don't look that comfortable to ride but I just can't tear my eyes off the Kaishinsha, Daihatsu, Takuri and whatnot as we pass them by. There's just something fascinating about them and I can't help but wonder if there'll ever be cars faster than shinobi. They make an excellent distraction from the reaction we cause.
We lose no time doing anything as silly as exploring the town or visiting her famous open fair. We aren't tourists on an excursion. We meet a contact within the Hachimonji and start tracking our man.
We find the target two days later. He is soft, as we say - untrained in the ways of ninjutsu - so he didn't have the strength and time to go far. He cannot escape the tracking abilities of captain Mitarashi nor the all-seeing Byakugan of a Hyuga. We drag him back to Tanzaku ankles and hands bound. We ignore his pleas about his life, his cries about his wife and child, his attempt to bribe us. At some point, we gag him. We must still deal with his scared eyes and the sickly smell of his fear.
We are the agents that ensure the prosperity of Konoha. We are the vessels in which the Will of Fire burns. Everything we do, we do it for the betterment of our village. I chant the mantra without stopping as we drag our prisoner behind us. Each time I do, I see the villagers turning their back on my sister and me, I see their eyes smouldering with silent reproaches, I see their lips rotting with countless curses.
Do I truly want to beat up this man, whom I don't even know, to ensure the prosperity of people I despise? I don't dare answer the question, for fear of where my thoughts will bring me. Instead, I think of my sister, my teammates, my few friends, Ayame and Jiji. If Konohagakure is rich, Konohagakure is strong. If Konohagakure is strong, Konohagakure is safe. If Konohagakure is safe, so are the people I hold dear.
My sister, my teammates, my friends, Ayame and Jiji. My sister, my teammates, my friends, Ayame and Jiji. My sister, my teammates, my friends, Ayame and Jiji. It becomes the new mind-numbing tune I sing to myself to stop hearing and smelling and seeing Konji Tanjiro. The man becomes a target. The thuggish act becomes a mission. To a shinobi, the mission primes over everything else, that is just what the Rules of Conduct tell us. I'm just following the Rules I've learned so harshly; that's right, I'm not doing anything wrong...
We trounce the target, in front of the headquarters of the Hachimonji Conglomerate. Koharu's and Ryuji's visages look like they are carved in stone. I don't think I'm too expressive either. Captain Mitarashi watches us, impassive. She gave us each a length of yew to hit the target with. Blood flickers and mares our faces, hands and shirts as we do our duty.
We leave him beaten up, covered in black and blue marks, his right eye closed, his nose crooked and his lips exploded. There are people around us, waiting for us to finish so they can help the target, watching us in silent recrimination. The atmosphere is frozen, so is my blood. I clench my jaw so hard, my teeth hurt.
"That is what happens to those who try to cross the Hachimonji Conglomerate," announces captain Mitarashi, her voice powerful but her tone neutral. "Remember to pay what you owe!"
The message is clearly meant for the audience. The target cannot hear it; he is moaning in pain, half-conscious. We leave the scene; the crowd parts before us, they recoil as if we have the plague, their eyes loaded with disdain, distrust and disgust. I fight the urge to close my eyes and slap my hands over my ears. I chant my mantra without discontinuing.
In the relay we stop at that night, captain MItarashi pays for a bottle of sake each. The alcohol burns awfully but no one cares. My teammates and I drink until we are sick, until we black out, until we cannot remember what we did today and cannot feel the ashes of our innocence scatter to the void.
The way back is silent but I see that my teammates have recovered, at least partly. They are from clans, I muse, only vaguely aware of the longing and regret the thought makes me feel. Putting Konohagakure above has been bred into their body and mind since they were little. My instructors and their general dislike of my sister and I didn't do such a good job at it. When my teammates wonder if what we did was just, I can imagine that they see the smile of their family, hear their praises and feel the genuinely carefree and friendly breeze that inhabits the streets of the village and that only my sister and I are deprived of. Even if it doesn't answer their question fully, it might appease the sting of it.
I take a page out of Shizuna's book and plaster a light smile over my face. I push away, in the most remote corner of my mind that I can find, the question I cannot ask myself, or anyone really. Would Jiji hear me out? I want to say yes but he held my sister's status a secret from us for years. He isn't above hurting us if he feels it is the safest way, I know that now, and I cannot tell how he would react to my thoughts when they seem dangerously treacherous to me. I repeat my mantra as I walk, to drown the perilous ideas.
As we reach the gates of Konohagakure, I see team eight manning the guardhouse, along with four older chunin. Kiba Inuzuka is still tucked in his grey coat with black fur trimming the sleeves and hood, his nin-ken nestled against his neck. Hinashi is also tucked in a cream jacket way too big for him. Shinohe is also-also hidden under a long coat; though, as she is an Aburame, it's more of a tradition for her. Their sensei, Kurenai Yuhi, a ruby-eyed, black-haired looker dressed in an outfit that I still cannot say is sexy or not, greets us and gives captain Mitarashi a nod. Then she looks at me and offers me a sympathetic smile.
I blink. People rarely - that's understating it - give me any sort of smile, much less a sympathetic one. I can count the people who do that or would potentially do that on the fingers of my two hands and I'd still have about three fingers left. I, once more, spare a look at Kiba, Hinashi and Shinohe and they all seem fidgety and embarrassed.
I show my I.D to their captain, who gives it a glance and hands it back to me.
"Genin Uzumaki." The melodious voice of Miss Yuhi makes my eyes snap back to her face. "Your sister has been admitted to the hospital-"
I'm already running, my chakra distorting the air around me as I push it through every last bone, muscle and sinews of my body in order to accelerate beyond what is possible. Konoha is a blur around me, her rooftops and trees blending into a red-and-green paste as I speed towards the hospital.
There's only one building to be called by such a name. Of course, given the population of Konohagakure, there's more than one place where people can receive medical care but the most important establishment - the Grand Leaf Hospital - is only ever referred to as "the hospital".
My mind locks up. I refuse to think about what could have happened to Shizuna. I cannot even think about what I did during my first C-rank. My bastardized version of the Shunshin Jutsu burns my calves and thighs; my jaw clenches itself shut out of chakra-induced muscular paralysis, something warm and wet starts dripping from my left ear, my tenketsu and keiraku tear under the pressure of the metaphysical fire coursing through them.
I'm inside the hospital before my brain truly catches up with my speed. Distantly, I hear the vociferations of a number of people I might have shoved out of my way. I reach the front desk and ask for my sister's room. I hear the reception clerk protest at first before she falls silent. I sweep the entrance hall with my glance once, twice, thrice, trying to divine Shizuna's location as I wait for my answer… that doesn't come.
I look at the receptionist. The woman has moved her chair away from me and is discussing something with a man. My eyes bore a hole in the side of her head as I bite on my lower lip and start chewing. I suppose I did cut the line but I am a shinobi and the man isn't; I have priority over him.
"Apologies, miss," I say, taking care to leash my voice to a neutral monotone, "I'm sorry for the disturbance. I'd like to know where Shizuna Uzumaki is located. I'm her brother."
The clerk studiously ignores me, as does her interlocutor. I blink. When I open my eyes, I'm scowling.
"I am a shinobi, miss. I apologize for cutting the line but what you are doing is illegal."
I know my rights. Konohagakure is a shinobi village, her ninja and kunoichi enjoy a number of privileges over "softies". If it isn't an emergency, she should take care of me first, even if it's just to tell me where my sister is.
The woman keeps on pretending she cannot hear me; so does the man with whom she's talking. They're exchanging comments over the weather we are having.
Any other day, I would have let it go. I would have imitated my sister, strained against my rising anger and gone with mute compliance. I've had to deal with this kind of behaviour my whole life, one time more, one time fewer, it's all the same to me. All in order to not alienate the village more than it already is. All for Shizuna, for her dream to become the Hokage, to gain their acknowledgement, to be celebrated as one of the heroes.
It's for people like this that my sister ended up in the hospital. It's for people like this that I beat up a man whose only crime was that he owed money to loan sharks. For their prosperity, their safety, their peace. At the hint of the smug, satisfied smile arching her lips, I snap.
Everything happens in a very distant manner, almost as if time has stopped. With fascination, I see myself jump over the reception and at the woman. Forms fly around the desk. Her chair falls backwards. The clerk looks at me with wide, terrified eyes. She has never been at blade-point. I'm sitting on her; my nose is an inch away from hers.
"You have exactly three seconds to tell me where my sister is located," I say, my tone deceptively blank. I myself am not sure if I'm kidding or not.
"I'll carve you up if you don't comply." Apparently, I'm not kidding.
"One."
"Two."
"Thr-"
"What's happening here?!" The voice of Hiruzen Sarutobi drags me out of my haze. "Naruto?!"
I turn and see Jiji walking down a hallway. He has stopped a few yards away from the reception desk. I press the kunai harder against the woman's throat, drawing a thin line of blood against her skin.
"Hey, Jiji. How are you doing?"
"Naruto, would you please remove the knife from this woman's neck?"
I hesitate. Will I be punished? Probably, we were always the ones to be punished even when we did nothing wrong. If that's the case though, I need to punish the woman first. I look down at the clerk. I look back up. I shake my head and grip my kunai tighter. The clerk whimpers. "No. She needs to be reminded of the law."
"And what law did she break, Naruto?"
I look at Jiji in the eyes. "Shinobi are to be serviced on priority. She denied me access to my sister, whom I know is here in this hospital, pretending to ignore my presence."
"Now, why would she do that?"
I snarl. "I think you know very well, Jiji," I spit.
The Hokage sighs and massages his eyelids tiredly. "Indeed. After all this time and despite your hitai-ate. How disappointing. Could you read her name tag for me, Naruto?"
I look down. "Hotaru. Mina Hotaru."
"Well, it seems Miss Hotaru will need to look for another job. She'll also be fined, at yours and your sister's benefice, as the law dictates. Now, remove your kunai from her throat, genin Uzumaki. That is an order."
His voice cracks like a whip and I find that I cannot oppose it. My hand seems to weigh a ton but I withdraw the blade from the ex-clerk's throat. I give her a smile as I straighten to my feet. It must be dripping with my urge to say "fuck you".
"Good. I want everyone present to know that nothing happened today. I'd be very displeased if I heard anything about any alleged incident." Jiji gazes at the assembled people, who are still frozen in shock. "Am I clear?"
A number of nods and a few "yes, Lord Hokage" are his answers and Jiji seems satisfied for now.
"Now, Naruto, why don't you come with me? I'm just done visiting your sister but I think I can take five more minutes to accompany you to her room."
I feel my smile turn from cruel and vindicated to brittle and afraid. My eyes water and I nod frantically so that no one may see. I scramble over to Jiji, who takes my shoulder and leads me down the hallway. I swipe my right arm over my face to dry the tears and look up.
"Do you know what happened to her, Jiji?"
He sighs. "Everything that can go wrong went wrong."
I swallow the brick I have stuck through my throat. I need to try three times before I can get any word out. "Is she…" I can't even say it.
"She is fine. No injuries. She is just shocked."
"Her teammates?" I don't particularly care about Sasuki but still.
"Fine too. Sakuro is even more shaken, though."
I grimace. I had kind of completely forgotten the pink-haired boy and now, I feel a sickly shudder of guilt trail my spine.
"You'll tell me where they are?"
"Of course. Now," he says in front of room o-thirty-four, "here we are."
I gulp and open the door.
"Naruuutooo."
"Yes, Kohaaaruuu?"
"I'm bored."
Koharu Sarutobi is sprawled on the counter at Ichiraku, her frame devoid of energy. After our first C-rank and given what happened to my sister, my team and I have been given five days of rest. Koharu and Ryuji spent the first three days at home while I was officially under house arrest, holed up in Jiji's office, helping him with classifying and archiving a mountain's worth of his paperwork as punishment for my actions at the hospital.
Captain Mitarashi gave me a pat on the head, telling me I shouldn't "take shit from anyone". She recommended a less direct approach should it ever happen again, though. I'm glad Jiji stopped me and I accepted the punishment without protesting. The woman didn't have to behave like a jerk but I shouldn't have threatened her. It goes against everything my hitai-ate represents and while the symbol lost some of its shine as far as I'm concerned, I'm not too keen on dragging it through the mud either. I lost my cool and that is unbecoming of a shinobi.
My teammates and I agreed to meet on the fourth day for some recreational activities. We're jittery. It's incredible how quickly routine can settle. We longed for a break and now we cannot deal with the inaction. I went from unsure if I would ever be ready to take a mission beyond D-rank again to eagerly waiting for the next occasion for some kind of action. I'll admit though, the opportunity to be outside of Konoha would be a welcomed one right now. Anyways. Koharu is very open about her restlessness, making it a game to be as annoying as possible. I understand why my sister and she are friends; they have a similar capacity to get on people's nerves.
I'm restless too, I'm just better at hiding it. I roll my eyes at the girl. "What are you, five?"
"Konohamaru-sama behaves better than you," remarks Ryuji. Being a Hyuga helps him be patient though I know he is itching to go back on missions. He keeps adjusting on his seat and turning his head to the right as if he expects captain Mitarashi to drop in on us unannounced.
"Ouch, the burn," I mutter. Koharu's cousin is the definition of a pest. A sticky, itchy crab. He reminds me of my sister when we were younger. I still don't know how but Konohamaru Sarutobi somehow met my sister - as he was attacking the Hokage, apparently; I didn't understand everything, I think - and long story short, Shizuna and I are now his idols-rivals. He is eight and barely in the Academy, we're thirteen and full-fledged genin but apart from that, there's no problem.
"I'm not that bad." protests Koharu despondently.
"He shows his better proper respect," continues Ryuji, "whereas you don't."
"Who's my better, you chicken?" snarls Koharu, now up and ready to go.
Ryuji hides behind me and points at my head. Bastard. "Fishcake obviously is."
Koharu mulls over it for five solid seconds. "That's fine by me. You can be my underling, chicken."
Ryuji scoffs, channelling his Hyuga blood and education fully. "Don't make me laugh. The owl's domain is the sky, the monkey can only dream of it." He smirks, even though he is behind me I can just feel it. "You won't find me anywhere under you except if you're naked, Monkey Gir-"
Iaijutsu isn't a technique reserved for swords; it applies fairly well to shuriken. Koharu is quite good at it too, I can't say with honesty that I'm better. I'm just as good, however, if narrowly so I have the time to withdraw a kunai and deviate the one she just launched at Ryuji's face. I would have let her, normally but right now, the Hyuga is using me as a cover and I'm not too keen about being turned into a pincushion.
Koharu pouts. "You could have taken one for your cute teammate, Fishcake."
"No," I deadpan.
"I'd have let you see me naked~"
I hesitate - Koharu is kind of my type, with her wild short black hair and her dark eyes - and realize the catch. "I'd have been dead, so no, thank you."
"You're no fun."
"I fear captain Mitarashi is a bad influence on her," whispers Ryuji in my ear.
I seize his shoulder and twist my hip, throwing him out of his stool and on the ground. I instantly lock his left arm.
"And she hasn't influenced you enough. You don't use your teammates as a meat shield, chicken."
Ryuji twists almost impossibly and I have to release my hold if I don't want to be hit by a juken strike. He recoils before he can touch me at the wet glint of one of my senbon, tucked in-between my fingers.
"I'm fostering comradeship between us two!" He has the galls to protest. "Captain Mitarashi would be proud!"
"Sometimes," I say wistfully, "I miss our beginnings when you still channelled your inner Hyuga, all proper and stiff. You'd never have done such a thing."
Ryuji immediately scowls. I know the crushing protocol he has to weather when he is home is one of the many touchy subjects, though also one of the less sensible ones. I raise my hands, palms open and turned towards him.
"Sorry, sorry, don't take it like that."
"Yeah? Lemme quickly grab the stick I have to shove up my ass every time I'm home and quickly give you a beating with it! That'll give you some proper manners, Fishcake. The kind needed to be the next Hokage's ass-ssistent."
I feel my right eye twitch. The bastard, he returned fire where it annoys me most. That's fair enough. "I'm not a siscon," I grind.
"Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight!" Koharu chants shamelessly, clapping in her hands.
Ayame gives us a solid twack each with her ladle before Ryuji and I can go at it. I still don't know how she is this fast with this damn cooking instrument of hers but she is.
"You don't fight in my restaurant, you savages! Now order some food or go solve your problem elsewhere!"
We all sit down, looking sheepish.
"A miso ramen, Ayame-chan, please and a cup of sake."
The older teen grimaces at my order but gives me my drink nonetheless. I don't drink much, by any standard, and she knows I only drink at her restaurant, which allows her to have an idea of my consumption. I bring the cup to my lips and take a sip. The clear liquid burns my mouth and throat before settling in my stomach. I won't get drunk from it but the flavour reminds me of the obnubilating void that enveloped me after my first C-rank and I don't dislike it.
Ryuji and Koharu promptly place their order and the bowls come soon after. We dig heartily. It's around two in the afternoon when we pay and thank Ayame for the ramen and make our way to training ground number five. The berth the people give me as we navigate the streets of Konoha is wider than it has ever been… for me. That's about the treatment Shizuna gets on average.
What I did obviously spread, despite Jiji's orders. I don't know if anyone actually went against his pronouncement but I'm not sure they would have to, honestly. Given how rumours work, word on the streets probably has it that I've eaten a baby alive or something.
We walk the winding streets, keeping to the quieter alleyways whenever we can. My teammates have yet to ask about the source of the animus which my sister and I are the targets of. They might have been told by their clansmen already, though it would be highly irregular... or maybe they don't care. Ryuji and Koharu are both pure-bred clan-shinobi. There is a known undercurrent of disdain for "softies" amongst ninja; it is even stronger when they come from a clan. The looks they get by sheer association might just be nothing to them.
I realize, as we exit the western outskirts of the village, that I am actually jealous of them. It strikes me like lightning, like when a piece finally fits the puzzle, with the sudden clarity of a ray of sunlight after the rain. Deep down, I am jealous of Koharu's and Ryuji's capacity for indifference. I envy the way they seem to be impervious to any sort of judgement that doesn't come from a source that they value.
It is the same disregard that allowed Shikahime to regally ignore Iruka's remonstrances about her sleeping in class, Kiba to do about as bad as Shizuna used to at first and not care about it and Sasuki to keep everyone at arm's length as if no one is worthy of her time. My sister and I do not possess this mindset and it gives power to the people of Konohagakure. They have a soul-crushing hold over us and, without Jiji, we would have been broken long ago. I, at least, would have been broken. I already almost was, after all.
When everyone considers you a worthless stain to be erased, you end up considering it too, after a while.
It was the person I hated most at the time who picked up the parts and glued me back whole. I chose to believe her when she proclaimed that we would change the people's view of us. I chose to believe her when she told me hard work was the way to go. I chose to believe her when she dreamed aloud about the fame and prestige that a hitai-ate would bring to us. Giving ourselves to them would be the way for them to give themselves to us.
Shizuna's way was proven right, too, after I altered her method slightly. Mere hard work wasn't enough, we had to work intelligently too. I pinpointed what mattered to the people around us, our peers and instructors. Iruka came round because we earnestly tried our best, Shikahime did because I challenged her at shogi when she had been the best up until now and so on. I'd hoped my sister would be proven right once again when we earned our hitai-ate. I had hoped it would, if not change people's views, at least open their eyes but I think I've realized something.
People love having a black sheep to torment because people are cruel.
I used to accept Jiji's words about them, that they were scared, confused but ultimately good but my belief in these statements grows thin. I think the "Will of Fire" preaches about love so much, it forgets unkindness is a thing. We are its outlet. We've been struck, Shizuna and I, by the seal of obloquy since we were born and I'm less and less sure people will ever allow us to shed it. The Kyubi might just be a pretext; they were only seeking an excuse to indulge their urge to hate.
People love to revile us and we are too precious a commodity to discard.
Honestly, my field of fucks is starting to grow barren. I am a shinobi now, I'm literally more valuable than a sizable part of the village's population, as the incident at the hospital proved. My immediate peers accept me, having formed their own opinion of me after I challenged not so much their view of me but more so the view they had of themselves. My captain holds no bias against me - or at least, is professional enough to show none of it - and I've shown her I'm not afraid to work hard. My sister looks up to me.
What is the love and acknowledgement of a faceless crowd worth compared to that? More importantly, why should I love and acknowledge them when they are cowardly, weak and hateful; when nothing about them would make me want to do that? Because, after all, Shizuna's way supposes this reciprocity but is her way even the right one for us?
People can talk all they want, slobber all over my reputation all they need. It's already shitty anyway, always has been as they have decided it would be, long ago and I don't care anymore. People can try to obfuscate me but they know for a fact that the Hokage himself dealt with the latest attempt. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm holding more cards than they do. The sentiment is almost euphoric. It's like a weight has been cast off my chest and shoulders.
When we reach training ground five, I've got a smile on my face and a spring in my step. That Koharu calls me a weirdo does nothing to diminish it. After a warm-up, we begin a three-way spar. Ryuji's juken strikes cannot erase my grin either. I can't wait to share this insight with Shizuna. I know it will get her out of her funk.
I don't think I've ever felt so relaxed before and, believe it or not, it helps. I proceed to wipe the dust off the training ground with my teammates.
Our fifth and last day of impromptu vacations came and ended before we realized it. I visited my sister but she wasn't receptive at all to my ideas. She insisted it was something she could do, had to in order to become Hokage like Jiji. I kinda understand; we both love and respect Jiji a lot but Shizuna truly admires him. Regardless, I left a notebook for her in our shared flat, with plenty of doodles to ease the harder stuff, with my (and Jiji's) suggestions as to how she can further progress as a kunoichi. She looked at it as if it were the most precious treasure on earth and it comforted me in my view. I suggested that she share it with her team, as much as she feels comfortable. She agreed.
Our break is now over and, sure enough, we are kneeling in front of not-quite-Jiji in the Mission Office and captain Mitarashi is accepting team three's second C-rank mission.
AN: leave a review, if you will.
