Disclaimer: I own nothing below except the plot. All characters, locations, and concepts are owned under their respective copyrights.

Spoilers: Angel through Season 5

Timeline: During the season 5 episode "Time Bomb"

The Burden

Chapter 1: Send forth the best ye breed

Wesley was in his office at Wolfram and Hart. The room was in complete disarray, with books and scrolls strewn about absent any organization, and any thought of how it might look to anyone entering the room hadn't even been considered

The man within the room was equally lacking any sense that he was supposed to be the level-headed manager of the Department of Mystical Artifacts and Research. As a green empathic demon had remarked earlier in the day he had his "full strength crazy" running. The reasons for this insanity were many. First, the woman he had loved for years, Fred, who had finally noticed and returned his affection and devotion, had died in his arms. He had been, despite all of his knowledge and the resources at Wolfram and Hart, utterly powerless to save her.

Second, the thing that had killed her, had taken over her body, and had tried to conquer the world. When that proved impossible she, Illyria, had chosen him as her guide. He couldn't even mourn his dear one properly as he was forced to interact with the entity that was, essentially wearing his beloved's body as a suit, on a daily basis. Illyria had this infuriating habit of referring to the body as simply a shell. It was as if he was being punished for something.

That something turned out to be the third reason for his current lunacy. His boss and friend, Angel, had Wesley's and Fred's memories altered to hide the existence of a son Angel had needed to help. All of Angel's other friends who knew about the son had their minds tampered with as well. Wesley had broken the spell that was used in a futile attempt to bring Fred back. The only benefit from regaining his memories was he had more moments of his love to recall. The punishment came in the form of memories that he, Wesley, had taken the son while he was a baby in order to save him from the certainty that his father would eventually kill him. The certainty was false, and Wesley had the baby taken from him in turn by an enemy of the group. The enemy had warped and corrupted the son to such an extent that the boy grew to hate his actual father. For his betrayal, Wesley had been forced from the group he had regarded as family, not to mention his unrequited love.

He was searching for more information about Illyria, whose behavior had become increasingly erratic, and was at his desk when the object of his search entered his office. Wesley looked at her with a deranged smile "Why, Illyria, how are you this fine day."

Illyria cocked her head to the side and spoke in an eerie monotone "Wesley, I am stuck in this inadequate shell and every day this existence suffocates me. If that were all, it would be one of the worst day's I have had since returning."

Wesley stood up and was about to yell at her for referring to Fred's body as deficient in some way when Illyria's comment got through his rage and he asked "What do you mean 'if that were all' is there something that is troubling you?"

Illyria's voice lowered as she stared at him with curiosity. "You are troubling me, Wesley, your grief for the shell still hangs about you like a tattered garment, offering no warmth and letting in a poisonous wind. The shell had experienced this poison before, while she was in the other dimension and again when she was almost pulled through another portal. What is this poison that breaks called?

Wesley smiled again, though it was manic, "Poison that breaks, eh, well it sounds like you think I'm insane. To tell you the truth it would be a welcome reprieve from the grief you say hangs on me. Although, there is no reason why both feelings can't be present at the same time. Does that answer your question?"

Illyria considered this for a moment and then strode over to stand in front of him, staring him down, "Yes and no, this "insane" sounds like another weakness and yet it seems to offer a refuge of some sort for those things that your feeble human mind cannot handle. Wesley, I agreed to abide and remain in this world if you would be my guide and teach me of its ways. How can you aid me when you are broken?"

Wesley started in surprise "Illyria, I don't think I've lost my sense yet. Why do you think I have lost it?" at this Wesley chuckled at what he had said and this entire situation.

Illyria snarled "I can see and taste it, as if your wallowing in it unawares, do not presume to question my knowledge."

Wesley sighed "Perhaps you're right."

Illyria's expression softened "Can you be rid of this poison?"

Wesley, growing weary, just regarded Illyria with an oddly somber expression, "In normal circumstances with the right treatments, I suspect I would okay in time." He chuckled again at the sheer absurdity of the statement.

"Is it the loss of the shell and the new memories that have been unlocked that have caused this?" Illyria whispered.

Wesley backed away and sat his desk, once there he gulped "Yes, it is both of those things and more."

"If the shell, Fred, was returned to you, would that cause the poison to abate and enable you to guide me?" Illyria sighed.

Wesley stared at her "Perhaps, but I thought that was impossible, is there a way?

"I am Illyria, shaper of things, there are many ways, I could assume her form and use her voice to ease your pain." As Illyria said this her body shimmered and in a moment was the very image of the woman she had replaced and her voice lilted with a "Hey, Wes..." She didn't get any further as Wesley sprung from his seat and sought to escape this nightmare with a frantic expression.

Illyria moved to block him, and despite his efforts she grabbed him and hauled him back to his chair. Still using Fred's soft voice she inquired "Wesley, what's wrong why're running from me, did something happen to you?"

Wesley had calmed a bit and nearly shouted "Illyria, this can only make things worse for me, knowing it's a lie. Please, if you have any of her memories of me, don't use that form again."

Illyria shimmered back into her blue-hued previous form as she acquiesced "Very well Wesley, it is the shell's memories that have sent me here. I would not see you so broken. Again, there are many ways, I cannot return Fred to you at the present time."

Wesley had a uncomprehending expression of his face. "So I was right, it is impossible."

"Did you not listen, Wesley, I said at this time I cannot do what you wish. However, time is at my beck and call, I walk through it as easily as I could walk across this room." Illyria had moved to stand in front of the desk.

Growing irritated Wesley said "What is the point of this, Illyria, tell me outright so I can get back to my research."

Illyria sighed and straightened up, as if getting ready for a speech "Wesley, I said this shell was inadequate, I was not mocking it, I was stating a fact. I can feel my power growing inside and this form cannot contain it, in a very short time my power will be unleashed in a wave of destruction that will devastate this city and areas beyond."

At this Wesley began looking at a template book in front of him for some way to stop this when Illyria brought him up short "Do not worry about that for the moment, I am weary of this pale shadow of an existence, I wish I had never been returned to the world, at least not now. I wish now that my worshipers had waited until my brethren and I were loosed upon the world in a time eons from now. Finally, I wish that the shell had never experienced this poison that invades you."

Wesley was astonished at the the apparent concern for Fred that Illyria had shown "How are you going to accomplish all of these goals.? Especially the one about Fred?"

Illyria began lecturing him as he were a child "The shell became insane due to the loneliness and isolation she found in the other dimension. You are becoming the same due to the loss of the shell. I would have you go through time and dimension, to provide the shell with company and protection, and thus soothe your wound. Do you understand?"

Wes's shock increased "I would go to Pylea, and change the timeline? It would destroy you if you do this?

Illyria smirked "I am destroyed either way, at least this way I can have a better existence in my true form and without the encumbrance of these human feelings and memories. To quote a film the shell saw, this mission, if you choose to accept it..."

Wesley went from shock and grief to a resigned acceptance and a faint flicker of hope " Illyria, I accept, what would you have me do?

The smirk turned into an otherworldly smile "Thank you, Wesley, you must do these things in payment for what I am giving you. The first is to keep the sh-Fred alive and grounded in Pylea. The second is to see that the Half-breed's son is not taken from him. Finally, the third is to make sure I do not return in any form before my brethren. Now, you must prepare, where do you keep your weapons and supplies?"

Wesley began thinking and responded "There are some things here I will need, we can pick those up, and head to where rest of my stuff is located. Oh and I must make a stop at Fred's apartment."

The smile left Illyria "We must hurry then, this vessel is deteriorating, we have a couple of hours at most in which to begin this."

Wesley grabbed two template books, turned them blank, and led Illyria out of the office with a purposeful and determined stride.

In the hallway outside the office, obscured by shadows, stood a red-eyed, green-skinned demon who was talking into a radio. "Angel, it's Lorne, Bluebird is on the move with Wesley in tow, kinda, and Angel, Wes seems happy, happier than he has been since the walking obituary showed up, something is seriously wrong." The voice on the other end responded with a clipped "Lorne, follow them, figure out where they're going, I'll meet you there with Gunn and Spike, then we'll find out what's going on."