A Lesson in Humility:
Uma's POV
It was inevitable wasn't it? I was always going to die by a Titan's hand. I suppose we all knew that in the back of our minds, all us soldiers. We simply live in denial to keep ourselves going, clinging to false rays of hope. But the fact that we are running towards our deaths never changes.
I was holdup in a bakery inside Wall Maria with nothing but four flimsy walls between the Titans and I. My vertical maneuvering equipment was destroyed during a narrow escape from a 9m class. All I had left were my swords and those wouldn't get me far. Not while I was grounded. Any chance of equipment repair was hopeless and there was nothing I could use as a replacement. What was worse was that the Titans were closing in on me from all sides, following those who, like me, were trying to get back to Wall Rose. I was trapped.
Either I could run out and be eaten by those monsters or I could die by my own sword. These seemed to be the only options I was faced with. And I was so close to the wall too... Such a shame. Such a fucking waste of a life.
What was my real motivation for becoming a soldier, anyway? I claimed to fight for my brothers and sisters in arms. To protect them was to honor their bravery, to ensure they knew someone realized their worth. This is what I told my commander our first day of training seven years ago and I had meant it.
I dedicated myself to them and only them- to the soldier on my left and to the soldier on my right. I had no family and no friends left, just my squad. So my goal was simple... my drive, unyielding. No matter the situation, no matter how impossible the odds, if there was a chance to save a life I would run in without a second thought. Some called me crazy, others suicidal. But none ever complained when I saved them. But if I was being honest, protecting them wasn't the only reason why I did it.
Pressing my back against the bakery door, seeking cover from the windows, I think back to a night when I overheard several soldiers from my division talking about me in the mess hall. Avery, a new member of the Survey Corps whom I had saved from a Titan's hands that day, was commenting on my devotion to the Corps when Yannis, a more seasoned soldier, began to set her straight…
"It isn't about us, dumbass." He growled. "Don't ever think it's about us. She gets off on it. That's how she gets her thrills. All that extra training, all that crazy shit she does to prepare for another attack? It's so she can play her little game. When she's out there, it's just her and the Titans. She doesn't give a shit about us. We just enable her. One day she's going to jump into a situation that will get herself killed and it will be no one's fault but her own."
I remember wanting to storm into the room and punch him in the face- thinking his assessment of me was completely unfair. But as the days dragged on I kept replaying his words in my head and thinking perhaps I wasn't truly selfless in my acts of bravery. In fact, somehow, I knew I couldn't be.
Yannis wasn't right on everything but he was right on one point, I enjoyed testing my limits against the Titans- seeing how far my extra training would take me. And now I really was paying for it. But I wasn't lying when I claimed to be here for my fellow soldiers. They were the only people I had left to fight for. Though most of them were strangers, I cared for them. The weak, the strong, the fool hearty, the brave; I truly did care if they died.
As for my own life, I knew I was no model example for a human being. I was short-tempered, critical, and proud. My better qualities never really outshined my bad ones in social situations… and if it wasn't for the fact that I was a soldier, I'd have no excuse as to why I was so abrasive. When I thought about it, I really had no life outside the military. No family, no friends, no lover. If I were to die, I'd die without anyone really knowing me. That thought terrified me.
There was a life I was supposed to have… one far different from what it turned out to be. It was infuriating to think about. It made me want to scream until my throat was raw, until all other sounds were drowned out by my deafening cries. Somewhere between all the fighting and all the pain, wasn't there was supposed to be some sort of meaning to it all… something to make the endless struggle worthwhile?
I looked to the sword I had clutched in my hand, trying to imagine it covered in my blood. The image only made my anger burn brighter. My death would not bring us closer to victory. It was a senseless waste. There was a life I was supposed to have… and now I would never know it. There was a life I was supposed to have and the thought of its loss filled me with inconsolable rage. There was a life I was supposed to have and I wanted to take it back. Fuck those monsters. And fuck killing myself. I did not want to die here. That was reason enough for me to keep on fighting. But how could I escape?
The wall. As I had said before, I was so close to the wall… it was only three buildings away from where I was. The first building was this bakery, the next a watchmaker's shop, and finally an apartment building. Thankfully, all of them were spaced close together, thus making a run for it on the roofs without gas and vertical maneuvering equipment fairly plausible. The only problem I faced was the wall itself. There was no way I could scale it alone. That meant I had to do something I've never done before; rely on someone else's help.
If I could manage to cross the buildings and get in position, someone from the wall would have to come down and get me. It was a flimsy plan at best but it was all I had. I needed to believe they would save me; that they wouldn't abandon me to die.
Suddenly I heard it, the slow, measured thundering of Titan footsteps outside. My heart pounded in my chest like a war drum as I dug my nails into the wood of the door behind me. I didn't dare look out the window. I already knew I would find a street full of those monsters. And the longer I waited the more would come. It was either now or never, I told myself.
Reaching up with shockingly steady hands, I deftly unbuckle the harness of my equipment. Letting it all fall to the floor, I unsheathed my swords, secured them to my belt, and got moving towards the back of the shop. With all that dead weight gone, I could be faster, more agile.
In the back room was a set of stairs leading to the roof. Climbing them, I kneeled down just underneath the wooden hatch that led to the outside. This was it.
We've all prayed for miracles. We've begged and bargained with a god that, for all we know, doesn't exist. But right then I was praying for someone else's help; for someone to reach down from the wall, to risk their life without a thought, to be truly selfless... and save me.
Trust is a two-way street, something I never quite got the hang of. But I was putting my life on the line believing in it. We are all tested in different ways. Perhaps this was my final test. To see if I was worthy of my fellow man's trust.
Throwing open the wooden hatch to the roof, I burst out of it, sprinting out into the sunlight. The whole area was crawling with Titans. Though I was frightened, I couldn't let it get to me- I simply had to assess the situation and keep moving. I counted three Titans in the near vicinity: one on my left and two on my right.
It took them a moment to see me but when they did they all redirected themselves, pegging me as their target. Still, I didn't let that slow me down. I kept my eyes forward as my feet pounded against the tile roof beneath me. I was closing in on the watchmaker's roof fast. My first objective was to clear the first jump. Reaching the end of the roof, I leaped forwards, stretching out my arms to catch myself on the ledge of the next one. My fingers made purchase on the decorative coping and I dug my feet into the side of the wall for leverage before pushing off and hoisting myself up onto the roof. I immediately began running again.
Suddenly I noticed a shadow looming above me. Realizing it was a Titan I flipped backwards and out of the way just in time. WHOMP! A giant hand smacked down in front of me and without thought, I found myself jumping over the thumb and sliding down the knuckles back onto the tile roof. BOOM! The other hand rained down atop the first, only half a second too late to catch me. I felt the roof begin to give way beneath my feet as the Titan tore through it.
My heart nearly stopped as I saw the second Titan, a 4m class, nearing the next alleyway I had to jump across. It stopped at the corner of the building, its hand reaching out for me. Instead of trying to outrun the impossible, I sprinted towards it. Unsheathing one of my swords, I got right underneath the monster's hand and sliced its fingers off in one swift move. I managed to duck out of there before being barraged by steam. Another flying leap landed me onto the next roof.
Looking from side to side, I saw the Titan who smashed the roof and the one on my right side were almost in step with me. They had caught up as I figured they would. It was hopeless trying to outrun them on foot. The only thing I could do was to outmaneuver them.
Pulling out my flair gun, I aimed it at the Titan closest to me and fired off a shot into its eye. The red pyrotechnic exploded in its face, temporarily blinding it. I used this opportunity to alter my course, running closer to the injured Titan in order to avoid the fully functional one. All of this was a gamble, but no matter what I kept on pressing forwards.
There it was, the end of the burnt orange roof. Digging up the remaining strength inside of me, I willed my legs to pump faster. Grabbing hold of my blades once more, I flipped them into a hammer-fisted hold as I readied myself to jump. As my toe connected with the edge of the roof, my breathing slowed and I launched myself into the air. Extending my arms above my head, I thrust my blades into the side of the wall. Either they would catch or I would go tumbling down to the street below. Thankfully, they caught hold.
Wasting no time, I began to scramble up the wall. The Titans were closing in from all sides. I, their prey, was now an easy meal. Gripping onto the wall, the skin of my knuckles shredded and bloody, I gazed up to the top.
"Please!" I screamed. "Help me!"
I could see outlines if heads peering over, silhouetted by the sun. No one was moving. No one was coming. They were just going to watch me be eaten! My faith in them was misplaced. I had been so wrong.
All three Titans were closing in fast. I could smell their breath. I could feel their body heat. I could hear their smacking gums. Hanging there on that wall, waiting for my terrifying fate, was agony. There was no escaping the inevitable
What were to be my last words tore from my throat. "HELP ME!"
My heart stopped and for a moment the world went silent. Then I heard a familiar zip of a rappelling line and a second later I was airborne, cradled in the arms of an anonymous savior. Titan hands barraged the wall, smacking, hitting, groping for us. But he was too fast, too determined to fail. His sword was covered in Titan blood, drawing more and more as we swung up to safety. Once we were out of reach, gravity threw us up above the top of the wall before sending us crashing down onto the hard stone of the battlements.
I clung to him tightly, breathing heavily into his chest… my savior. I was more grateful than he could possibly imagine. Pulling away, my eyes locked onto his and I found Captain Levi of the Survey Corps staring right back at me. I half expected him to push me off of his chest in annoyance or disgust, but he didn't. Slowly, painfully, I brought myself to my feet. God, that had taken a lot out of me. I offered him my hand and, shocking still, he took it without a word.
Once he was on his feet he brushed off whatever little dirt he had on his jacket. As if being slightly soiled was the most interesting thing going on at the moment. But there he was, the legendary Captain Levi standing right in front of me. He was my height if not slightly shorter and that was surprising considering my own smaller stature. The "clean freak" thing certainly held true to rumor too.
"Thank you," I told him, collecting myself. "I owe you my life."
"You would have done the same for any of them. Even though they're all cowards." He said flatly, looking over at the soldiers who didn't come to my aid. Before I knew it he was already walking past me, back towards Commander Erwin.
"No," I said, reaching out and stopping him. My strong gaze met his piercing gray eyes. Seeing the irritated look on his face, I knew it was probably a mistake to have touched him but right then I didn't care. "I owe you my life," I told him, making sure he knew I meant every word.
"Fine… so you do," he said over his shoulder as he left.
I knew he was merely appeasing me. He probably thought I was scared shitless, saying crazy nonsense after having a near-death experience. But he could not have known how serious I was nor how my vow would shape both of our futures.
AN: Hey! if you liked this first chapter please review! I'd love to hear from you.
That aside, there are a couple of things I should mention about Uma for those of you who are curious.
1. She is serving in the lower ranks of the Survey Corpse.
2. Her independent and abrasive nature has kept her from advancement.
3. Her hometown is within the interior of Wall Maria, in the mountain forests.
4. Ch. 1 takes place during the first failed attempt to take back Wall Maria. Uma is one of the 500 survivors (thanks to the lovely Captain Levi).
The next chapter will be from Levi's POV!
