"Her Romantic Comedy X His Criminal Tragedy"
PART I: My Career in Organized Crime is Tragic as Expected.
[watch out, contains crappy writing.. rewrite in progress..]
CHAPTER I
…
My name is Hikigaya Hachiman. I'm twenty-one years old. My house is in the northwest section of Chiba, where all the villas are, and I am not in a romantic relationship. I work as a bartender for The Grandeur nightclub, and I get home every day by eight o' clock at the latest. I don't drink, but I occasionally smoke. I'm in bed by eleven o' clock, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone.
The time when I graduated from Sobu High school was also the time I started living independently, making efforts to sustain myself through a part-time job in the city, while during the day I continued to college in Chiba University. A lot of things had happened during the past few years, and along the way I even made some friends, and lived a relatively normal college life. I say relatively, because considering that my after-school activities are far from what normal people do, I still manage to live an inconspicuous life, where during the evenings I'd involve myself in serious business. These days, people have got to work hard if they want to succeed, and I cannot emphasize how serious the struggle is. But most young people don't realize until it's too late, and that's the time when youth deserts them and the cruel world devours them whole.
One Saturday evening, Tobe Kakeru was inviting some of his friends, which included me, over to his family's new house in Nitonacho district. First of all, I only accepted to come out of politeness, and because the party was conveniently scheduled two hours before my work so I figured it wouldn't hurt to have a little catch-up with old acquaintances. Tobe's family must be well off, if not outright rich, because his house was pretty grand. It's unusual that he chose to enroll in Chiba University, instead of immigrating overseas and getting an education there, particularly in the U.S. which is what most of our peers, and every other Japanese graduate opted for. It's a common mentality that overseas education is superior, and that's why most parents would want to send their children abroad - and especially for college, which is perhaps the most decisive point in a person's life. Knowing Tobe Kakeru, he's certainly smart enough to pass an entrance exam, but he must've judged that it was too much hassle to start learning English.
Tobe told me about how his parents got into business a few months ago, and they're staying at a new place in Tokyo so the whole house is practically his. They're brokering commercial real estate. The real estate business has been blowing up recently, with the rise in the number of people wanting to live in the city and own property, and Japan is seeing an ever increasing number of foreign immigrants and contract workers flowing into the country. This influx has reached an all-time high just last month, with people from all around coming over with prospects of a better life, a job and a future. Chinese, Koreans, people from the southeast Asian countries, Russians from the northwest, and from over the Pacific, North Americans, Hispanics and Europeans fly over. It's largely due to the phenomenon of Japanese youth leaving their country, the aging population, and a dwindling labor pool of capable people - combine these together, and you have a recipe for anarchy and economic downfall. So the government finally decided to open our gates a bit wider, and let in other people to fill the empty gaps left by the shrinking population.
In times like these you could make a lot of money if you know your trade well, and so I congratulated Tobe's family. I thought it was good for them, but Tobe says, "No, not really."
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Dude, I'm not okay. Don't tell anyone, but I feel like I'm getting crushed, and- "
"Crushed by what?"
"Everything. The family, the school, the fucking assholes at work, and I'm here on my own. It's like there's something wrong - missing."
It seems to me that he's stressing over trivial irrelevant things, but I understood what he meant. Sometimes, everyone grows weary and dissatisfied with their lives, but - I don't know about you - what's there to be dissatisfied with? As far as I'm concerned, the life of the modern man is luxurious and pretty straightforward, and still runs along the lines of raw nature: eat, take a crap, go to sleep, repeat. What's there to be dissatisfied with? Life is fairly simple for thousands of years, and the only difference is that today you've got to be working half the day to earn money to sustain yourself. In any case, at one point I realized that my life wasn't going anywhere if I didn't try to at least conform with society and improve my attitude - so I did. And if I may be so proud, I must say that I finally began to live a normal social life, at least objectively, for the past year.
I tell Tobe to just go straight to the point, and he says, "Fine. Let's just say that I'm sick of my shitty part time job, sick of lounging around and wasting time, and I want to do something new."
"Then you ought to get a job," I say to him, "and besides, only one year from now and you'll find that you're not going to have any time to waste at all once you get thrown out there."
Do something new? In my experience, that's usually not a good thing. At one point, I considered involving Tobe in one of our businesses at The Grandeur, but I judged that he was too impulsive. He's too gullible to be a bookmaker, and too nervous to drive a car loaded with contraband. He's good at something, but I'm not too sure. Maybe one of these days, I could bring him around Sakaecho district and give him a job accounting money. That'll keep him busy. I tell him that I'll let him know if there's anything of interest to him. We talked for a few minutes until a soft doorbell rang through the room.
"Oh yeah, I hope you're alright with Yui bringing along her friend," he says.
I asked who and Tobe said, "You know, Miura-san!"
There's a knock on the door, and Tobe goes to answer it. A pretty girl enters, which surprises me a bit. Her silky hair is the same strawberry pink as I remember years ago, except it was longer. I must have been staring for a second too long, and like an idiot I suppose, as Yui Yuigahama cheerfully smiled at me. "Yahallo! Hikki, long time no see!"
"It's been only like, a week or so…" I say, waving a hand at her.
Her peculiar tribal greeting apparently never died, which was a bit disappointing for me. Behind Yui, another girl entered the room. Right away, I knew it was Miura Yumiko, the fire queen of Soubu High school. Her gaze was sharp as ever, and I sensed the same imposing aura coming off her - She's the popular kind who stole the spotlight the moment she entered the room, as if there's a certain magnetism that attracted other riajuus towards her. I haven't seen her for a long time, and the same could be said with most of my peers from High school. We're not friends, so it's a bit awkward for me to see someone I knew but hardly talked to. That's not to say that we haven't interacted before, but it's been over two years, so I guess we're both back to square one.
"Hi," she waved her hand at me, but she didn't smile.
"You look… nice," I tried to compliment her, which I suppose was courtesy towards a lady.
"Thank you."
"I wasn't trying to flirt with you..."
Already, I was ruining the first impression, but it's not like I cared… right? I don't need her getting any wrong ideas. But it seems like I'm the one who's having wrong ideas… I'm really bad at talking with women. I knew I sounded stupid, because Miura rolls her eyes, annoyed at my clumsiness. The more I try to rephrase myself, the worse it gets. If I had a penny for every failed conversation, I might be rich. "Oh, no. I didn't think you were…" she says with a hint of disdain, "How are you?"
I just shrugged, "good, I guess. And you?"
"I actually just got fired from my job a few days ago."
"Oh, really? How?" I ask, but I suppose that was quite frank, even rude of me to inquire in such a straightforward manner. Her eyebrows furrow a bit, and I quickly say, "I mean, I'm sorry. How'd that happen?"
"Does it really matter?" She flips her hair with a familiar air of confidence, before joining Yui. She's certainly the same fire queen I knew.
"You guys seem to be getting along!" Yui says. I agreed in silence. At least the basic requirements of social interaction was fulfilled, and I wouldn't be considered antisocial for my efforts. Tobe shows us around the house which was pretty fancy, and I look at the portraits displayed on the walls and shelves. He has a lot of relatives, and the Kakeru family seems very lively, from what I see in the portraits. There was this shiny silver frame mounted on a wall, and he tells us to guess what it is. I thought it was a television. Miura takes a slightly better guess than me, thinking it was a computer screen. Still, that wasn't it. After a few moments, Miura just sighed and said, "it's a drawer at a morgue where they pull dead bodies out and inject them with formaldehyde."
Tobe chuckles at her sarcastic answer, and even I couldn't help but smile a bit. Dark humour coming from the fire queen? Now that's a new one. Yui giggled, "don't think too hard."
"But… where would the dead bodies go, though? Because behind that wall-" I started.
"It's a joke!"
Miura glares at me, frowning.
I guess I also have a penchant for ruining jokes, which succeeded in annoying her again. It was actually a fireplace Tobe tells us, but why in the middle of the wall? Then he says, "Hikitani-kun is actually doing comedy at the bar he works in. Come on dude, tell us a joke!"
"Oh, so he's a clown?" She retorted, making Tobe laugh again.
"Ahem… I'd rather not," I mumble.
"Dude! Just one, please?"
By now, we're all at the dining table, and I'm a bit apprehensive. When I say that I do comedy, I meant dark comedy - as in, the stuff you're usually not supposed to talk about, on the dinner table no less. Besides, Tobe was exaggerating - I don't get up on a stage or make money out of it, but while working behind the countertop and serving drinks, I figured turning my cynical monologues into humorous stories entertained the customers. I was the jaded bartender entertaining people with ironic and outrageous skits. I guess you could say that as a comedian, I turn my tragedy into comedy.
So I just spew off a joke, the kind you might've heard before. Between guys, it was usually worth a laugh or two, and Tobe caught up in a few moments and began laughing again. You know how sometimes, you just laugh along even though you don't get the joke? Well, Yui gave a dry giggle, the kind of reaction that was anything but amusement. Miura on the other hand, was not amused at all. "That's not funny," she says.
"Well, comedy is subjective, so..."
I try to explain the punchline of the joke, which was how a guy was cheating on his girlfriend for four years, and… well, Miura was having none of it and it was ruined anyways. Comedy is subjective, so if it's not funny for you, well deal with it. For example, I don't find it funny that just because I like to wear dark colors, people call me a criminal. I mean sure, my eyes might be creepy, but calling me a "criminal"? So anyway, I started wearing white clothes, and now… people started calling me the "criminal in white."
Yui tells us, "Yumiko-chan is doing this dance thing for months now, and she's really good at it. There's going to be a dance in Chiba this February, and it's all like, very romantic."
"Oh, wow. Nice," I mutter.
"Why do you have to talk about me like that?" Miura looked at Yui, seemingly bothered.
"I'm just bragging about you, Yumiko-chan! Can't I brag about my beautiful best friend?" She pouts.
"Don't talk about me in third person."
Miura doesn't look at us, and finishes her bowl of noodles.
"Fascinating," I look at the two, and I would have giggled, but I'm sure it's going to be that creepy kind of giggle… Miura seems to be very temperamental, like a dynamite on a short fuse, while Yui is the typical sweet and kind girl, the kind of girl you'd be stupid to reject. It's cute, the relationship between Yui and Miura.
"Sorry. I don't wanna be mean," Miura gets up from the table after finishing her food. She made her way behind the kitchen counter and towards the fridge. "Hey, Tobe. you mind?"
"Oh, no. help yourself," Tobe says, not minding what Miura was up to.
Miura takes out a cold bottle of shochu, and begins pouring herself a glass. You'd think that sake is the most popular alcohol next to beer in Japan, but it's actually shochu. The difference between the two is that the former is fermented, while the latter is distilled. I knew, because I serve it to people at the bar. Think of it as Japanese vodka. I just stare at Tobe who keeps chatting with Yui, in disbelief. I don't know about you, but isn't it a bit… I don't know, irresponsible to just let a guest - a girl no less - drink alcohol by herself? She's on her second glass now, but I didn't protest. Miura is not a little girl, but given her mood, I don't have the best feeling about this.
I excuse myself and thank Tobe for inviting me, and tell them I still have a shift at nine. Yui tells me to stay, as we still haven't finished the spicy red noodles. There's cake, but I'm not a fan of that. I noticed that Tobe and Yui seem to be too close to just be friends - I say this because any boy and girl who has been seeing each other as far as college often are more than just friends.
High school felt like a memory from only yesterday, and I can't say that I didn't like it… anyway, on the other hand I was glad to be rid of my classmates. The feeling is as if I had been released from imprisonment - the prison of social expectations which are forcibly imposed upon you and the status quo you are to follow whether you like it or not. Sometimes, you feel as if you just want to disappear and start anew in another place, and leave behind the past - some people want to change, but unless you first destroy yourself, it's impossible. For the past two years, like I said, I have been living a fairly normal life and at least I wasn't a social outcast in Chiba University. Life is good enough to me, and I even keep in touch with some of my old friends like Zaimozuka Yoshiteru, or Kawasaki Saki (Oh yes, I remember her name very well now.) And even Tobe Kakeru, however repulsive, I would consider an acquaintance.
I prepared to leave, saying that I've got other things to do. "Yeah, I'm tired. I wanna go too," Miura returned, wanting to leave as well.
"I still have a train to catch," I look at Tobe and Yui, and tease them a little. "By the ways, congratulations to you two. Yuigahama-san, be careful around Tobe, 'cause he can be a real dumbass at times."
That made Yui blush and nervously deny my implicit accusation, while Tobe shrugged and waved me off. Honestly, I was kind of glad that Yui might have finally found someone she liked… of course, Tobe was far from an ideal boyfriend, and I would even say that the two were like apples and oranges; in that they don't seem like a match. But I'm not a fortune-teller, so I can only guess. But what the hell, let's just see where life takes them. I on the other hand, entertain myself with watching young and stupid people fall in love and break up. It's a show that never gets old, truly a romantic comedy, ending in a satisfying tragedy.
I've never been to this side of the city before, in Nitonacho district. When I'm not working shifts as a bartender, there were other errands that I'd run, and these took me to places in and out of Chiba city. In particular was Sakaecho district, which is where The Grandeur stood near Sakaemachinaka street; on other days, when I needed to buy seafood or meat, I might go down to the bayside area of Mihama in the Shinminato district, where numerous multi-ethnic foreign communities have begun developing.
The nights were getting colder as winter months grew closer, and the streets of Nitonacho was starting to light up. I walked in silence as usual, but listening to the commotion around me. Someone said that the days were getting shorter, and the nights longer. I wondered how it would be like when I finally reunite with my family again. The thought of flying to Los Angeles in time to celebrate Christmas with Komachi was very appealing. Anyway, I was heading back to Omoridai station, where I came from earlier. Putting my thoughts aside, I noticed that someone seemed to be following me, and I glanced behind me to find Miura walking a few feet away. I thought she went a different way?
"Hey, what are you doing? Why are you following me?" I ask her.
"What? I'm taking the train too, stupid."
She sighed, slipping her hands into her pockets.
There was something about her that seemed off. Then I remember, Miura must have consumed a lot of shochu back at Tobe's house, because now, she sounded drunk - short-tempered and snappy.
"Are you drunk?"
"No I'm not. Are you stupid?" She moaned.
I shrugged. If there's something I'd learned from my job, it's best to leave these kinds of people alone. Besides, it's not my problem, is it?
There in Omoridai station I waited for a train on the Keisei-Chihara line that would take me downtown to Chiba. While I was waiting, there was Miura, standing a few feet away from me, wobbling slightly and completely wasted. It was already dark, and when the train arrived there weren't many people onboard. As soon as Miura got on the train, she leaned her body on a pole. Normally, people leaned against their backs but she was leaning against her stomach. No doubt that the shochu she'd downed back at Tobe's house was starting to take effect. I didn't feel like sitting, so I just stood holding onto a bar, as the train lurched forward.
It was very quiet, and I silently observed her… Miura isn't the most beautiful girl I've seen, but she was unique and attractive no less. She's one of those girls who looked good in a white t-shirt and jeans. It's true that girls behave all cute and silly when they're drunk, I've seen such scenes at the bar countless times, and her cheeks turned rosy from the alcohol. Miura was swaying precariously with her eyes almost closed, arms wrapped around the pole. I heard her making gagging noises, and I was becoming unnerved.
I knew from experience the telltale signs when a person was nauseous and the probability of them suddenly throwing up at any minute. I saw it happen numerous times while working on my shift at the bar, and it is very troublesome. Now you see, this is also the reason why I don't - or at least avoid drinking. But sometimes, I smoke cigarettes. When a person throws up, is she drunk, or is she smoking? Exactly my point.
A man was sitting on the bench near her, appearing to be reading a newspaper intensely. Right over him, she was swaying back and forth! The man doesn't seem to notice Miura dangerously close to him - I say so because the man was within point-blank range of a nauseous person who was about to… if I was him, I'd move away quickly.
"Hey, are you okay?" I held Miura by the shoulders and turned her towards me.
Alarms were going off in my mind, telling me that something horrible was going to happen. At that moment I knew I did the worst thing I could possibly do by making her face me. She was shivering for a moment, and then… it all happened so fast. She threw up on me. I'm stunned. I felt something warm trickling down my waistcoat, slacks and on my shoes. To top it all off, after she threw up, Miura looked at me, eyes barely open and in between burps and hiccups, moaned, "baby… oh… baby..."
Then she collapsed right beside the newspaper man who finally glanced at us. Nobody was paying attention before, but the sound of a person throwing up and collapsing tends to not go unnoticed. Everyone looked at her, and then at me. I suddenly panicked.
"What the- hey! What do you mean 'baby'?!" I shouted as I stood there in the mess.
The newspaper man started snickering, setting off a chain reaction as everyone else started to laugh at me, at my expense. It's too cruel… I felt like a martyr who was shot in place of another guilty person. My sacrifice had averted a much worse crisis, which involved red noodles on the newspaper man, but at what cost?
The real imbroglio started when Miura called me "baby" because suddenly, I now became the boyfriend of this drunk woman. Everyone viciously stared at me. There was another woman laughing still, a chic girl who just had her eyelids done - sunglasses at this hour, are you crazy? - and a man who just woke up to the commotion, snorting loudly after witnessing the scene.
"W-wait… miss, who are you?" I try to pretend, lying through my teeth as I point to the now unconscious girl.
A woman was sneering at me, "Hey! What do you think you're doing? Look at what you did!"
"It's not my fault..." I mumble.
Another guy around my age commented, "Your girlfriend is pretty… pretty wasted."
"I-I don't know her..." but my voice was too weak, and I guess I wasn't a born liar.
"Who's cleaning this mess up?" The newspaper man pushed my "girlfriend" off him, as Miura slumped on the bench, fast asleep. "How could you just let your girlfriend get drunk like that? Are you out of your mind?"
But she's not my girlfriend! And no gratitude, even? I basically saved the man from becoming the victim of this- this disaster. Now it was too late, and nobody would believe my words so there was no use denying. Noodles were coming down my waistcoat… it's like a barber cut off the hair of a clown, and the reddish hair was now falling down my waistcoat, on my slacks, and the chunks and liquids… it must be the spicy red noodles Miura ate back at Tobe's house. I stood there for ten seconds like the greatest idiot in the world, awestruck and clueless, unable to speak properly. Poor me.
I didn't have a towel, and hell would freeze over before I even resorted to using my handkerchief (my sister gave me that!) Perhaps in a subtle display of gratitude, the man threw his newspaper at me. Maybe the world wasn't so bad after all… nope. I had to wipe this disgusting mess off my clothes and on the floor. It was just like a bad night at the bar where some bastard would throw up on my countertop! It's not enough that I suffer at my job, now I have to deal with this crap outside of work. But what about my "girlfriend"?
I only had a few moments to decide what to do with Miura. The train arrived at Chiba station while I was in the middle of a mental dilemma. I have to get off now, what about her? Leaving her on the train was out of the question! But I don't even know where she is headed.
Miura looked helpless and pitiful in this state, and began to pull at my heart strings. I felt compelled, as an older brother to a sister, and so I decided to be a good human being. Yes, after what she did to me… but what did you expect? And people were still staring at me, so public opinion insisted.
She didn't look that heavy, so I carried her on my back. But by the time I was out of the station, I was drenched in sweat… this is unbelievable. The stairs were an absolute torture, but during that time of suffering an epiphany hit me. It would be ironic if I took her along with me to the bar I was supposed to be at right now, and in this state?
So I just kept walking. People were avoiding me. Then I came up with an idea.
