Ai Hod Yu In

Prologue

AN: Hey all those who are reading this. I just wanted to quickly say that this is, of course, an AU. Clarke may be a little OOC as well. However, this will mainly follow the show very closely. As such, I will be borrowing dialogue and major plot points from the show. Also, I have no clue how long this story is going to be or how regularly I will update it. I will try my best to be consistent with it, but that may not always be a possibility. Please be patient with me.

Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever, own the 100 or its characters. I am merely playing with a world that was brought to us by others.

Clarke Griffin stood outside the gates to Arkadia, trying to work up just enough nerve to walk away. She had to. She knew that. If she walked in those gates, she would not have the nerve to walk back out. She would be surrounded by those she'd sacrificed so much for. Monty had already left, having given her one last, lingering hug. He would be okay. He'd understood why she had to leave, and had told her to be safe. Now, here she stood. Stuck between two choices, both impossible. How could she leave them behind? More to the point, how could she not? The quote Dante Wallace had told her rang through her mind.

"I bear it so they don't have to," she thought to herself as Bellamy came back to join her. He was her rock. She could only do this because of him. She felt a momentary pang of guilt. He wouldn't let her pull that lever alone, and now she was about to leave him alone. What kind of monster did that make her? The kind that killed hundreds of people, she supposed.

"I think we deserve a drink," he told her, looking into camp along with her. He fit right in at this camp. Even his clothes did, threadbare and dirty though they were. He had to be as exhausted as she was, and she was going to leave this on him. She was going to leave him responsible for their people. She knew everyone would be okay, though. They would have him.

"Have one for me," she requested. He didn't understand yet. She knew that. He still wouldn't look at her, see the remorse she knew rested in her eyes. She almost wished she could bring herself to look at him, to commit the curly brown hair and his brown eyes to memory. She couldn't yet though.

"Hey. We'll get through this." The statement made her look down a bit in shame. He'd said we. Yet here she was, about to leave.

"I'm not going in," she told him softly, not taking her eyes off the camp still. For the first time since he'd joined her slightly creepy stare fest, he turned to her.

"Clarke, if you need forgiveness, I'll give that to you," her mind flashed back to telling him those same words. She was finally looking at him, and she knew that he deserved better than her, "You're forgiven. Please come inside."

"Take care of them for me." He looked as if he'd been punched in the gut, and she knew she'd feel the same way if the situation were reversed.

"Clarke-"

"No. Seeing their faces every day, it's just gonna remind me of what I did to get them here."

"What we did. You don't have to do this alone." She did, though. She looked inside, seeing their people moving around, doing their best to put themselves together again in the aftermath of this tragedy. She'd trusted the wrong person. She'd trusted Lexa, and it had almost cost her him. This was on her.

"I bear it so they don't have to." She nodded a bit to herself, and he looked so heartbroken, so lost. She'd said that particular quote quite a few times by now, and she supposed she would likely say it quite a few more. It was becoming a bit of a mantra for her.

"Where are you gonna go?" he asked her softly. He'd finally accepted her choice, she supposed.

"I don't know." She stepped forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek and pulling him in for a hug. She savored it for those precious moments. This would likely be the last time she'd see him. Even if they did come together again, they wouldn't be the same. She didn't want him to see how close she was to crying at this moment though, "May we meet again."

She pulled away finally, and knew it was time to start walking away. She didn't look back, but she knew she heard it. Those four little words that assured her that he didn't hate her for this choice she'd made. It assured her that he forgave her.

"May we meet again."