XXXI

The news that Sirius Black was seen close to Darlington quickly spread throughout the Hogwarts castle on Monday morning. The Daily Prophet brought the update on the current state of the investigation, and soon even those who didn't read the newspaper caught up on what had happened.

Susan put her edition of the Daily Prophet down. "They said he's close to Darlington."

"Who is?" Zacharias asked between bites of his cheese sandwich. He didn't sound all that interested.

"Sirius Black."

Kakashi almost dropped his fork. He looked at the front page of Justin's newspaper next to him. There, right on top was the well-known image of Sirius. Caught and behind bars in the Ministry of Magic holding cell. It wasn't the picture that caught Kakashi's eye though. The Daily Prophet printed that picture almost every day now, if not necessarily on the front page anymore. It was the headline that caught Kakashi's attention.

Escaped Mass-Murderer on his Way North.

"Why don't you get a subscription yourself?" Ernie asked a bit amused as he watched Kakashi read over Justin's shoulder. "You clearly like reading the news." After all, it wasn't the first time, that Kakashi asked for a copy of the Daily Prophet.

"How do I do that?" Kakashi asked. He had thought about it several times before.

"Just send them a letter with your name and Gringotts Vault Number," Ernie said easily. Then he reconsidered. "Or I guess…"

"They also take muggle money," Justin said. "It's two Galleons a month, so roughly ten pounds."

Kakashi wasn't used to not being able to afford things. While he had lived alone ever since he was eight, he was already a Chunin back then and had earned enough money to live comfortably. In the magical world, it was different. There was still some money left from what he stole from Draco Malfoy, and in Hogwarts, he didn't have to buy his own food, but he still couldn't afford a two-Galleon monthly subscription of a newspaper.

"I don't have a bank account," Kakashi said in a flat tone.

"What about your parents?" Justin said a bit put off.

"I don't have parents."

"Uh…" That effectively killed the conversation. An awkward silence spread among his classmates. The kids were looking at each other as if asking for advice, what to say. Eventually, Justin took a deep breath. "Umm, sorry. I'm…There, you…Uh, you can..." He pushed the newspaper to Kakashi, who took it and held it in a way that it would hide his face as he read.

Saturday in the late morning hours, Sirius Black, who escaped Azkaban prison in late July was spotted by two muggles in the village of Lusthaus, near Darlington. According to ministry investigations, Black spent the night hiding in a barn before he was found by farmer Tanner and his nineteen-year-old son, Anthony. During his escape, Black attacked the two muggles. In an interview with Daily Prophet correspondent Milly Blishwick, Anthony Tanner said Black attacked his father, causing severe pain. Anthony tried to hold the convict off, not knowing who he was and suspecting him to be a mere thief.

'He stole a coat and a pair of boots from the Tanners,' Kingley Shacklebolt from the Auror Office tells us upon inquiry. 'We suspect that the muggles surprised Black.' It is very likely that this saved the muggles' lives. Black, who was convicted of murder in at least 13 cases was never known to show mercy. The investigators now suspect that Black didn't have his wand at hand during the skirmish. 'It's our luck,' says Shacklebolt, 'or it could've easily been a double murder instead of a simple theft.'

Upon the aurors' arrival, Sirius Black had already vanished without a trace. Local inhabitants are now worried that he might still be in the area. Timothy Appleby is a herbologist working just outside Pointy Hat only fourteen miles from Lusthaus. He and his wife now worry about their two young daughters. 'The minister asked us to stay vigilant,' he says. 'To make sure, we won't let the kids play outside.' Appleby is by far not the only one. Since Black's recent escape, fear spread across the entire country. The longer it takes Minister Fudge and his aurors to recapture the dangerous convict the more people will doubt his leadership in the future…

Kakashi was distracted when the conversation on the table finally continued. Nobody even mentioned his dead parents, nor did they speak about Black. Instead, Susan started talking about a prank the Weasley twins pulled on Filch, the caretaker of Hogwarts, the day before.


"Harry, have you heard? In the Daily Prophet this morning – they reckon Sirius Black's been sighted." Seamus leaned over to Harry as they plugged Flobberworms from a pile of wet earth.

Harry's second Care for Magical Creatures class was a boring disaster. Hagrid didn't even dare get close to Malfoy. He kept a distance of at least ten feet as he threw the blond boy wary glances as if he feared Malfoy might set the whole place on fire, and blame it on Hagrid…Well, from what Harry knew about Malfoy, he just might.

"Where?" Harry whispered across the piles of mud and Flobberworms. From the other side of their workbench, Malfoy was obviously listening.

"Darlington. It was a muggle who saw him. By the time the Ministry got there, he was gone." Seamus looked excited.

"Darlington," repeated Ron, glancing at Harry in worry. "That's…Harry!"

"I know," Harry hissed because he didn't want Ron to make a scene, lest Seamus and his other classmates found out that once again there was a killer after Harry. He didn't want anybody to know. And he didn't need Ron to tell him, that Darlington was halfway from London to Hogwarts.

In fact, now that he thought about it, it even made him a bit relieved…Sirius Black was traveling awfully slow for a wizard. He escaped from the ministry three weeks ago, and he only made it 250 miles. If Harry didn't know that the man had a wand, he might even suspect that he was walking. Why he was taking his time, however, Harry didn't know. It seemed very likely that Black just took his time to plan his infiltration and Harry's murder. With the Dementors, Dumbledore, and the whole Hogwarts staff around Harry, that wouldn't be easy. Well…And from what Harry knew about the Azkaban guards, Black was probably not all that eager to meet them again.

"What is it Malfoy?" Ron exclaimed. Harry hadn't even seen the Slytherin stare, but now that he turned to Malfoy, the boy's eyes were shining malevolently.

Malfoy leaned closer to them conspiratorially. "Are you thinking about trying to catch Black single-handedly, Potter?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Yeah, of course."

Malfoy smiled in a mean way. "If it was me," he added, "I'd have done something before now. I wouldn't be staying in school like a good boy. I'd be out there looking for him."

"What are you talking about?" said Ron, rudely pushing Malfoy away. "You would shit your pants, at best." Harry and Ron both snorted.

Malfoy blushed a bit. "Don't you know, Potter?" His pale grey eyes narrowed.

"Know what?" Malfoy was probably just fooling around and trying to get a rise out of Harry. But Harry couldn't help himself. He wanted to know what Malfoy was talking about, even if it was probably just a bunch of horseshit.

Malfoy laughed as if he really thought he knew something the others didn't. "Maybe you'd rather not risk your neck," he said. "Want to leave it to the Dementors, do you? But if it was me, I'd want revenge. I'd hunt him down myself."

"What are you talking about?" Harry was angry now, both about Malfoy's words and his refusal to actually tell them anything of substance. Black hadn't done anything to him yet.

"I'm just saying," Malfoy said sneering at them.

Ron used the chance to throw a Flobberworm right in his face. "Shut up, Malfoy."

Sputtering in disgust, Malfoy wiped his lips and ran off to the restroom to clean the Flobberworm slime off his cheek. Seamus and Ron laughed roaringly. Harry grinned too, then he saw Hagrid pale in worry, looking after the Slytherin. He felt immediately bad about the incident.


On Monday before noon, Kakashi had his first lesson of Defense Against the Dark Arts. He was looking forward to this. There were several reasons for that. On the tin, it seemed like the subject most closely related to what he had learned in the Academy in Konoha. Even if he couldn't learn the spells, it could provide him with information and ideas about how to fight against magic…and more specifically, how to fight the Dementors. Kakashi was eager to finally meet Professor Lupin for real. Once he did, he could maybe ask him how he routed the Dementors out.

And, just to calm his own nosy curiosity, he might even be able to solve the mystery of why Professor Lupin smelled just a bit like a wild predator…Because one thing was for sure, even in the first few minutes of the lesson: Professor Lupin was a soft-spoken, sophisticated, kind, and maybe somewhat introverted man…and surely not a predator. Kakashi also noted, that on this Monday, Remus Lupin smelled a lot less predatory.

"I was made aware that," Professor Lupin continued after the initial introduction, "my last class with the Gryffindors and Ravenclaws is already talked about a bit." Ernie, Justin, and Susan laughed at the joke. And it was a joke because indeed everybody was talking about Professor Lupin's Defense Against the Dark Arts classes. Not just the kids in Kakashi's year. Kakashi had heard kids from just about every grade fawn about Professor Lupin's exciting teaching style.

Honestly, Kakashi hadn't paid that much attention. Snape was a horrible teacher and most of the students realized that early on, but Kakashi was fairly certain, that Snape was one of the smartest people in this castle. So, he didn't really give that much on what some kids thought about a teacher they only knew for less than a week. It was a bit early to assess that, and in any case, Kakashi would wait for the teacher to impress him, and not just blindly believe what other people told him. Also, Kakashi had too much to do to really care for rumors about a teacher's exciting teaching style.

He glanced to the other side of the room. Most of his Hufflepuff classmates had taken Professor Lupin's words with humor. The Slytherins, however, looked a mixture of bored and disgusted. Only one, a girl with brown hair and big brown eyes chuckled but was promptly nudged in the side with an elbow by Pansy, the pug-faced girl.

"Today, we'll learn about Boggarts," announced Lupin at that moment, beckoning them to stand up and follow him down the corridor to the staffroom. A very short teacher sat in a chair that was too high for him, slurping a steaming cup of tea. Its sweet scent tickled Kakashi's nose.

"Ah, I see," the teacher chirped, "the Boggart again?"

"This is the last class," Lupin said with a kind smile. "After today, I'll get rid of it, as I promised, Professor Flitwick."

"Oh, no reason to worry," Professor Flitwick waved him off. "There's no hurry. A Boggart in the closet never killed anybody yet," he joked and jumped up from his chair. "I'll leave you to it."

"Thank you," Lupin called after him, but was almost drowned out, by Malfoy's snort.

"Is that it?" Malfoy exclaimed derisively. He had turned his back to the rest of the class and glared at a closet in the back of the room. It was rumbling and shaking as if somebody or something was moving inside. "It's not very intimidating. That's what everybody's babbling about?" He huffed and crossed his arms. As he moved, the bandages and sling around his arm didn't seem to hinder him much.

"Take a step back please, Draco. And everybody else. Come a bit closer," Lupin said drawing his wand and stepping in front of the class. "Now, maybe your friends already told you, but who can tell me what a Boggart is?"

Ernie raised his hand first and was promptly called up by Lupin.

"It's a shape-shifter," he said immediately, "that turns into whatever we fear most."

"You listened closely to all those Gryffindors and Ravenclaws, huh?" a black boy from Slytherin mocked. "I bet Granger told them that."

"Very good," Lupin talked over the boy unperturbed. "Five points to Hufflepuff." He lifted his wand a bit. "We can fight a Boggart by making it hilarious. Just think about what you fear the most, and then think about how to make it funny."

Kakashi stared at the man.

What do I fear the most? And how to make that funny?

Both questions seemed utterly impossible to answer. First, he immediately thought about Konoha being destroyed, but could the Boggart turn into an entire village? And if so…how could he make that funny?

He glanced at his classmates. Most of them looked somewhere between happily excited and horribly nervous. What were they thinking about? What were their biggest fears?

"You have to picture it clearly in your mind," Lupin continued. "And then, the spell is Riddikulus." He flicked his wand in a demonstration. "Riddikulus. Say it together!"

"Riddikulus!" The class chanted. Kakashi chanted too, although he knew he wouldn't be able to perform the spell.

"Again."

"Riddikulus! Riddikulus."

"Perfect, that's it. Now with your wands. Rid—Don't point them at each other."

Kakashi threw an annoyed glance at Zacharias, Megan, and two of the Slytherins who had all accidentally turned their wands against a classmate. How uncaring could they be? Didn't they know how dangerous a wand could be?

Megan blushed a bit, as she pointed the wand to the front, and almost flicked it against Ernie's ear with the hasty movement. She turned even redder then. "Sorry."

"Okay, on three," announced Lupin. "Three, Two, One—"

"Riddikulus."

And ridiculous was exactly how Kakashi felt. He hadn't done so many dry hand sign practices in all his life despite actually being able to use hand signs. He knew dozens of jutsu that used more than ten signs. He could draw explosion and storage seals that consisted of more than twenty separate characters. Many of them he had only seen and practiced a few times, if at all, before being forced to use them in a life-or-death situation. And yet, here he was, practicing an easy flick with a wooden stick and a simple one-word incantation for the nth time. And he couldn't even use the spell.

Lupin was overdoing it a bit, Kakashi thought.

"And now only the Hufflepuffs."

"Riddikulus."

"Very good. Susan, it's Riddikulus. It's a Ku, not Kyu. Ernie, take your wand higher. Again."

"Riddikulus!" The Hufflepuff said as one and Kakashi was right among them.

"Perfect. Now the Slytherins."

"Riddikulus." Only three of the Slytherins complied.

"This is ridiculous." Malfoy's huffed interruption made even some of the Hufflepuffs chuckle.

"If you think so, how about you make the start, Draco," Lupin suggested with a good-natured smile.

Malfoy paled a bit. "No, I mean…" But he stopped himself when Zacharias snorted. "Um…" Malfoy looked self-consciously from his friends to Lupin and to the Hufflepuffs. He clearly didn't want to look like a coward in front of the entire class.

"Don't worry," Lupin suggested, stepping closer to him. "I'm sure you can do it. And we'll be here to help you."

Malfoy blushed. "Of course, I can do it," he hissed through gritted teeth.

Whatever way out he still had, was gone now. Malfoy paled a bit, as he turned to the rattling closet, realizing himself, that now he had no other option without looking like an idiot.

"So, what's your biggest fear?" Lupin asked innocent enough, that Kakashi even believed that he didn't want to put Malfoy on the spot.

Malfoy seemed to think differently. His whole posture screamed defensive to Kakashi, and if Malfoy were a shinobi, Kakashi would prepare himself for an attack. The wild lashing out of an animal backed into a corner. But of course, Draco Malfoy was no shinobi. So instead of attacking, he bit his lips and declared: "I'm not afraid of anything!"

Zacharias and Ernie exploded in laughter and even Kakashi had to chuckle a bit because it was a truly childish reply. Everybody was afraid of something. The only ones who didn't fear anything were those who had nothing to lose, or who had already lost everything.

Malfoy glared at them with a pale face and flushed cheeks. "I don't want to," Malfoy said finally and decisively.

Lupin looked conflicted, then he nodded. "Megan," he turned to the Hufflepuff girl, letting the Malfoy go. "Do you want to start?"

"Yes!" Megan exclaimed excitedly.

"Well then, come here. The rest of you, form a line, please." Lupin gently pushed Malfoy a few feet away from where Megan took up position in front of the closet. However, the moment Lupin let go of Malfoy, Malfoy slipped away from the start of the line and moved to the far back. Kakashi too oriented himself to the back, hoping he could avoid the whole process altogether. He had no interest in finding out about his fears and even less sharing them with this class.

"What are you most afraid of?" Lupin asked Megan in front of everybody.

"Um," the girl hesitated. "Werewolves."

Up in front, Remus Lupin froze for just the shortest fraction of a moment.

"And how would you make them funny?" he asked eventually, but his voice was a bit strained. Not enough for any of the others to notice, least of all Megan who pulled her face into a thoughtful frown and suggested to turn her werewolf into a pink plush puppy without teeth or claws…

Which was a shame, Kakashi thought, because he didn't know anything about Werewolves, but it seemed to him, that their claws and fangs were probably the best part about them. At least if they were anything like the Inuzuka's Beast Human Clone.

Lupin chuckled. "Alright, give it a try. Are you ready?"

Megan brandished her wand and nodded. With a flick of the professor's wrist, the door to the closet sprang open. For a moment, it seemed like nothing would happen. Then a growl escaped from the inside. The door was pushed open, and a huge wolf jumped out of the closet. It prowled on all four, stretched and howled a cry that made Kakashi's skin crawl. Then its golden-hued eyes set on Megan who took half a step away but bumped into Professor Lupin who was crouching behind her.

"Think about it," he whispered into her ear encouragingly. "Your pink plush puppy, you have to see it in your mind."

"Rid—Riddikulus!" she exclaimed, jabbing her wand forward. The Werewolf ducked and then suddenly its fur turned a rosy pink and he shrunk to the size of Pakkun.

"Perfect," Lupin clapped excitedly. "Very good! The next one," he turned to the front of the row, prepared to call out Malfoy when the Professor realized that Malfoy was right at the back of the line. "Ernie!" he called out instead, but his eyes searched for Malfoy for a moment.

Ernie stepped forward and as soon as he switched positions with Megan, the pink puppy turned again. Right where it had been, now there was a fowl-looking woman, with pale skin, over a skeletal body and long and shaggy black hair. As she opened her mouth, black puss was spurting out from between her lips.

"Hold your ears!" Lupin exclaimed in warning, and Kakashi followed the command almost instinctively as the woman inhaled for a horrible scream.

"Ridikkulus!" Ernie exclaimed, his voice a little wobbly but decisive enough.

Coughing and croaking, the woman held her throat and then quaked like a frog.

"Very nice," Lupin complimented. "Blaise."

"What was that?" Kakashi asked the closest person who happened to be Malfoy.

He didn't expect a reply and was all the more surprised, when the Slytherin said, "a Banshee." His voice sounded weak. "Their scream kills everybody who hears it." Kakashi considered if Draco was so put off by the idea of dying via Banshee or if it was the idea of his own Boggart that made him so unsure. It was probably the latter.

After Ernie, Blaise, the black boy from Slytherin was next. His Boggart was rather unspectacularly a pile of vermin, which made most of the class shriek in disgust.

"Professor Lupin!" Justin Finch-Fletchley, who was also far back in the line, called out for the teacher. "Could I maybe skip the practice?"

Lupin looked at the boy concerned, while Hannah Abbott stepped forward to face her mermaid-shaped Boggart.

"I don't want to see the basilisk again," Justin explained in a halting voice.

"Of course," Lupin nodded in understanding. It had something to do with what had happened to Justin last year, Kakashi thought, still not knowing many details. "Anybody who was a victim of the basilisk last year can step out," Lupin announced to the class, just before Zacharias Smith stepped forward.

Kakashi was less interested in the Boggart and more interested in the boy before him. Draco Malfoy shook like a leaf. With Justin stepping out and more and more students completing the task, their turn drew closer and closer.

"Don't you want to go first?" Malfoy turned to Kakashi pointing at the spot before him. "I'll let you go first. Bet, when I'm done with it, the Boggart will be pretty defeated anyway."

Kakashi rolled his eyes, easily seeing through the fake nonchalance. "What is it you're afraid of?" From what he had seen, except for Justin, most of his classmates had rather abstract fears. Phobias like a fear of vermin or snakes or heights, or monsters they had never actually met and just read about in stories. What was different about Malfoy?

"Not really your concern, Major."

"You want me to take your spot," Kakashi retorted.

Malfoy crossed his arms standoffishly. "I don't want you to do anything. I'm offering you to go first, so you get a chance at all."

Kakashi grinned wryly. "No thanks, I'm fine here. Actually," he added after a moment of consideration, "that's for the best, even. I don't really want to face that thing."

Malfoy looked unhappy, as he turned back to watch Lupin step in to help Crabbe and Goyle. Malfoy's turn was fast approaching.

"Okay," Malfoy glanced at the clock on the wall, then he turned back to Kakashi. "What do you want?"

Kakashi was surprised at the insistence. What was it that had the boy so afraid of facing his Boggart? Kakashi wasn't eager to meet his – whatever it was – but he wouldn't beg somebody else to take his position. He could visibly imagine it: any of his friends or comrades dead before him…He'd rather not see that again, but he wouldn't stoop so low, as to ask somebody else to do it for him. Least of all somebody who was obviously trying to avoid their own Boggart as well. This was odd, and so unlike Malfoy. To admit a weakness like that.

"You're right, I don't want to face that. Do you want money? Please!" He hissed, the S-sound whistling through his teeth.

Kakashi considered the offer. He could use some money. That way he might even be able to afford a subscription to the Daily Prophet. There was something else, though, he rather wanted from the Malfoy.

"I want you to leave Neville alone."

Malfoy blinked stupidly. "Longbottom?" he asked as if he thought he misheard. "Why would you…?" Then he shrugged "Sure, whatever. I leave him alone, if…and only if you manage to hold the Boggart until class ends. It's only a few more minutes anyway."

Kakashi eyed him, unsure if he could trust Malfoy's word, then he nodded and switched positions with him. Holding the Boggart off for long, wouldn't be a problem. His defense spell wouldn't work anyway.

A Slytherin boy with curly brown hair was the last one before Kakashi. When his Vampire lost his teeth and fell to dust, Kakashi hesitated for a moment.

"Charlie," Lupin called out and Malfoy gave him a slight shove in the back to push him forward.

He stood in front of the pile of dust and waited…and waited.

Some of his classmates were whispering in the back.

Everybody fears something…Everybody but those who have nothing to lose, or already lost everything.

But as he wanted to turn to Lupin questioningly, there was a shift in the periphery field of his view. The dust was moving. It flew through the air as if an invisible foot had kicked it up. Whirling around in a thick cloud, it started forming a body…a person. Not quite solid, not quite translucent. Ghost-like, but not quite a ghost. It reminded him of Peeves the Poltergeist.

Only it wasn't Peeves.

As the dust settled on slim shoulders and spiky black hair, Kakashi recognized Obito, with his back turned to him. He was a bit shorter than Kakashi remembered him, but that might only be because Kakashi had grown a bit since then. Kakashi saw where the headband was tied in the back of his head. There was dust and brittle gravel in his hair and on his clothes. His right sleeve hung loose and empty.

"Obito," he couldn't stop himself from whispering. He'd seen this boy in his dreams – both his nightmares and the good ones. Never quite so solid, never quite for him to touch.

He should take out his wand, at least attempt a Riddikulus spell to at least look like he was trying. It wouldn't work of course, but he knew he should do it anyway. Maybe he could even add a genjutsu and make his classmates and Professor Lupin believe that it had worked…but… As he stood there with the ghost of his comrade in front of him, he couldn't even attempt to dispel it.

Instead, he reached out with the other hand, the hand not holding the wand. He didn't think he could touch him. He expected his hand to reach right through the semi-translucent form…but he never even reached him. Just before his fingertips grazed Obito's shoulders, the boy took a step forward and evaded Kakashi's touch. Then he turned around.

Kakashi was transfixed by the sight. This was Obito, without a doubt. Oddly ghostlike and yet more alive than he had been in over a year.

And then his heart stopped. Kakashi looked right into his face – ruined from where the boulder had hit his friend. The class behind Kakashi took a collective gasp of air. There was no blood. Just…nothing. A grotesquely deformed skull, sunken skin over the deformed structure of the face, and two empty eye-sockets. One gaping empty and the other crushed beyond recognition. The wounds were all healed. No blood…not even where Kakashi had seen it drip out of his nose and mouth and eye-socket back when Obito died. As if weeks had passed between the cave, the boulder, the terrible loss, and now; enough time to heal even wounds that were impossible to heal and deadly three times over. And yet, there he stood, impossibly alive.

He's not alive. He's dead.

"Kakashi," the ghost said. He could speak like the ghosts of Hogwarts. Like Peeves. He could move and see…See, although he had no eyes. Somehow, Kakashi knew that Obito saw him, anyway. That Obito knew exactly who stood before him, where he stood…

"Obito," Kakashi repeated the name. The staffroom was silent apart from the two boys. Kakashi and his friend…

My dead friend.

Obito's head moved almost imperceptibly, and although he had no eyes, Kakashi felt like Obito was staring just a bit to Kakashi's left. Feeling a terrible itch in his own Sharingan, Kakashi turned to look at the empty spot.

"Where is she?" Obito asked. His voice was like a breeze. It sounded far away and yet so unmistakably like Obito. "Where's Rin?"

The blood froze in his veins. That was it, he realized. He had wondered, why this…why would the Boggart show him this? His greatest fear! And the Boggart turned into his best friend – almost alive again, almost healed. But this wasn't about Obito.

"WHERE IS SHE?"

Kakashi flinched when Obito suddenly screamed.

It wasn't about Obito…nor was it about Rin, really.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi whispered, feeling his own voice give out on him.

"You're sorry?" Obito repeated. "You're sorry? You promised! You promised Kakashi!"

Kakashi felt his breath stuck in his throat. With effort, he forced himself to exhale. "Forgive me."

"Forgive you?" Obito's voice rose louder. It lost its ghostly quality, sounded suddenly terribly alive, and yet like iron grating over iron. Like kunai clashing and scraping against each other. "You promised upon my death! I gave you my eye for this promise." Obito leaned back, a gesture as if he came to a sudden realization. "I see you didn't care for our promise. But you kept the eye. You don't deserve that eye!"

Kakashi didn't know what to do, or what to say. He stared into that face, that ruined, grotesque, eyeless face…and…

A shadow came over him so suddenly, Kakashi took a step back. Obito…Ghost-Obito…Boggart-Obito stopped short and then turned into a full moon, bright and silver and of the same color as Obito's dead skin…

"Ridikkulus." Lupin's voice was barely more than a whisper. The moon turned into a balloon and with a long farting noise it flapped through the air until Lupin guided it back into the closet and hexed it shut."

Kakashi didn't move at all. He stared at the closed door, at the dirty mirror glass and his own crooked reflection. The farting balloon noise still hung in his ear. Wasn't it supposed to be funny? It seemed disrespectful at best.

"Thank you all," Lupin announced loudly to the class, making Kakashi flinch in surprise. "Five points to everybody who faced the Boggart…I'm sure you're hungry. Class is dismissed. Mr. Major could you—" He put a hand on Kakashi's shoulder, but Kakashi ripped free and hurried out of the room.

He didn't know where he was going. He needed a moment alone, a room all for himself. But that was difficult in this castle. Lunch break started soon, and in a minute or two, the corridors would be swarming with chatting children.

His feet carried him all on their own. He just needed a place to hide…He lashed out with his chakra, attached it to the walls, until…there! Without giving it a second thought, he attacked a magical core with his chakra, forcing his way through, until the statue of a small goblin slid into the ground revealing a secret room behind it. He slipped inside, closed the entryway, and then he sank against the wall in the pitch-black darkness.

He often visited his father's grave. For months…ever since Obito's death he went to the memorial stone almost daily. Obito didn't have a grave – his body was still lost between the rocks… And then after Rin's death, he went to her stone. And after Minato-sensei's and Kushina-nee's death…he knew he'd do the same with them…That was how he remembered them. And even more so it was how he asked for their forgiveness.

For failing them.

For not being able to save them. For failed promises. For things, he had understood too late. For mistakes that cost their lives. For the guilt he carried.

But the stone didn't answer. He kept talking to these stones with their names on them, and he kept cursing the stone for not answering…but secretly…Wasn't it better, that the stone couldn't answer? Could he even bear what they had to say if they could talk?

Because that way, he could make things up. He could talk about his life, about his last mission, and act as if that was something, they'd be interested in. But why would they be? Why would they even care? He could pretend that they would forgive him…But why would they? After everything, he'd done…

Obito hadn't just died for him…Obito hadn't just sacrificed his life for Kakashi. He hadn't just gifted him an eye for nothing… There was a condition attached to that. A promise. A promise Kakashi had broken not even a year later. In the vilest way possible. Rin hadn't just died…He had killed her. With Obito's eye. With the technique, he had only perfected with the Sharingan. He had rammed his hand through her heart, and Obito and his eye had a front-row seat to watch it happen. Why would Obito ever forgive that?

How could Kakashi even have the audacity to ask for that forgiveness?

Obito loved Rin. He had entrusted Kakashi with just one responsibility and Kakashi…

He still went to Obito's grave like an idiot. Talked to him about things Obito wouldn't even want to know. With his Sharingan, Obito was meant to see the future through Kakashi…But this future was not one Obito would want to see, was it? This was not a future with Rin happy, or Sensei… It was a mess!

Kakashi sniffed. Obito's eye was crying…but it wasn't crying for Kakashi or even with Kakashi. Kakashi wasn't crying – because Kakashi couldn't cry…because Kakashi was barely even human anymore. Obito wasn't crying for Kakashi, he was crying for this horrible world that Kakashi kept showing him…

And then Kakashi would go to the memorial stone and ask him for forgiveness…and tell him stupid stories about how Asuma thought about leaving the village to travel, or about how Jiraiya-sama published his first books when none of this even mattered anymore. When none of this brought Rin back.

Talking to the stones was a coward's way out. He asked a stone for forgiveness for something he couldn't be forgiven for. And when the stone kept quiet, Kakashi imagined that it said yes…But he wouldn't dare ask anybody for forgiveness, who could reject him…

What would Naruto say if Kakashi asked him for forgiveness that he let his parents die? That he hadn't fought harder to raise Naruto? That he spent the first few weeks of his life in some foreign world almost relieved that he didn't have to concern himself with the orphan?

Rin's civilian parents hated him. He knew that because they told him so, and the moniker Friend-killer hadn't helped to make them rethink their opinion. The Uchiha never trusted him either. They thought he had let Obito die to steal the Sharingan…And were they so wrong about that? With his promise broken, what right did he have to keep the eye?

Even Sirius, he knew – he had said it outright – that he wouldn't forgive him…And why would he…Why would anybody?

Forgive me!

He had asked and begged for this…hundreds of times…

Had that Boggart given him the answer?

Obito's face came back to him then. Dead and yet alive, translucent and yet oddly solid… Obito… He stood right there and talked to him…right in front of him.

And then he wondered… Was that better? Was it better not to get an answer at all or to get the answer he dreaded most… If that was the only way he would ever get an answer to this most nagging question?