Chapter 1 – My Own Captain

The minute I heard the engines turn on, I felt my entire body sigh in relief. If I had ever really needed anything, it was this. The last few months had been hell and I didn't have a clue how in hell I'd survived them.

My brother had been living with me since March because his roommate screwed him over with the contract. I didn't really mind though, he was good company, even though living with your big brother always causes the sibling rivalry and accompanied teasing. I loved him none the less, and didn't really mind that he teased me; I'd actually missed it ever since he'd gone off to college. That was seven years ago, though. He however was not really my problem. My problem had been everything else.

For one, I was a senior at Brooklyn CUNY and the final exams had been a pain in the butt to say the least. I had managed to get good grades in every subject though and I even managed to smile when I received my diploma. It had still been really hard and I had been so stressed out and had my frequent meltdowns. Somehow my meltdowns always ended with me being drunkenly cradled into a ball resting my head in Quinn's lap while sobbing furiously over everything and nothing. She'd always be so nice to me, though I truly didn't deserve it. I remember one night when things had really gone awry.


It was the night before my instrumental piece presentation and to calm down, I had taken a glass of wine, not thinking of the consequences of this stupidity. Soon I had downed most of the half bottle that I had left and was sobbing furiously. I was rooming with Quinn at the time so of course she had heard me from her room where she was studying for her own exam.

"Santana, what the hell is going on!" she yelled furiously as she came stomping down the hallway into the kitchen where I sat pressed up against the corner hugging me knees, the wine-glass beside me and the empty bottle beside me.

"Oh my god Santana, you didn't drink, did you?" she asked. "Of course you did, you idiot!" she answered the question herself, causing me to sob even harder.

"Quiiiiiinn-" I wailed and tried to reach her but she was standing like 10 feet away. I was sure that there was no way I'd ever be able to reach her. I heard her sigh and walk towards me, giving up on ranting on me because of the current state of me. I was miserable. I knew that the piece I had made for tomorrow sucked and I knew that I would never ever become anything. I wasn't nearly good enough for that, and I hated everything. It was so unfair. Why hadn't Mami just forced me into med school? At least there I'd become something. Quinn sat down next to me, removed the bottle and pulled me onto her lap, sighing deeply muttering something under her breath about me being a royal pain in the butt and making sure that all alcohol will be removed before the end of tonight. I sobbed and curled my arms around her, clinging helplessly to her, sobbing into her neck.

"Shh… Breathe, S, breathe" she said as she rubbed circles on my back and stroked my hair. I hiccupped and tried to breathe, but it was uneven and caused a new wave of wails and sobs through me. I was so pathetic, because I had to have my best friend coax me because I absolutely had to drink the night before an exam.

"I… I'm…" I tried to say, but she silenced me with sweet shushes. It wasn't fair to her that she had to deal with me like that when I couldn't even be honest with her. I just wanted to escape everything. It was so pathetic because I didn't even have a hard time. I was just a coward and a fool and I didn't have anything good to do of myself because I would never please my parents and marry the right guy. I'd end up working at McDonalds or something like that. Pathetic. Worthless. Those were the words that circled my mind again and again as Quinn tried to help me.


Quinn had always been good to me, even when I didn't deserve it. I loved her for that. She was probably the only person I loved outside my family. I wasn't in love with her or anything, but I don't think I could ever live a life that she wasn't a part of in some way. I had considered the possibility of me being in love with her, but I couldn't. She helped me with everything.

I hated school, not because I didn't like the classes because I had to admit that they were kind of awesome most of them, but I hated my classmates. Every single one. I didn't really talk much with them but we had a mutual dislike for each other. Whatever. I could live with them hating me, as long as I got to hate them too. Liking people had always been a real problem with me, probably the reason why I hadn't been able to leash a boyfriend. I had Puck though, and I knew that he liked me. I genuinely liked Puck, because in many ways he reminded me of myself, but I didn't want him as my boyfriend. We had the frequent hook-up but I never really liked it.

Really, my problems didn't seem all that big, but when all of these little problems outside, combined with having to hide who you really are, be careful of everything, it's just hard, you know?

None of that mattered now though, I was on my way, away from everything, just me and my luggage on a plane to some no-shit town in northern Italy. I couldn't even remember its name, but I didn't care. I bet there wasn't an American face in sight. I had heard that there were many German's and Netherlander's and also a great amount of Dane's, though I didn't know where the hell they were from. I think somewhere around Iceland maybe? Whatever, it didn't matter.

I traveled business because I didn't really give a shit about flying first-class even though I could easily afford it. I didn't want to attract attention, I just needed to sit here by my window and wait for the plane to take off. I was sitting in a row with three seats, all occupied. My neighbor was a rather chubby elderly lady with horn-rimmed glasses and her abnormally large nose buried in a book. Danielle Steel.

I groaned and shifted in my seat before grabbing a book of my own from the bag under my seat. Technically we weren't allowed to read before the belt-sign turned off, but if she could, then so could I. I was half-way through my favorite book for the umpteenth time; Dead Poet's Society. None of my so-called friends knew that I had ever read it, because it seemed so uncharacteristic of me to even read. There was just something about this book. I liked The Captain, even though I'd never tell. I liked how silly he was and how he made all of the boring stuff so interesting. I had only once had a teacher like that, but she was a sub at my old high-school. Ms. Holliday had been the closest thing we ever got to a teacher like that.

The trip was long and boring and it didn't help that the old bat next to me had fallen asleep and started snoring into my ear. I kept shuffling further away to avoid her ash-tray breath. Ugh, so damn annoying, why couldn't she just stay awake? I noticed that I was sitting in front of a kid. I think it was a kid at least, because she was listening to Disney and it played so loud that I could make out every word. I should be so annoyed by that, but here's another fun fact. I love Disney, always have. I couldn't help the smile that curled my lips when Just can't wait to be king became audible and I even caught my foot tapping gently against the seat in beat to the sound.

About five hours in, I finally slumped off my book open on a random page in my lap.


Something or someone was prodding me on my forehead. I groaned and stirred not fully awake. I was however awake enough to be thoroughly annoyed. Who the hell dared to wake me? There was another prod at my forehead then a tap on my nose. I instinctively scrunched it and opened my eyes. The eyes that stared back were blue. They weren't just blue though, they were so much more. It was like the sky and the sea had mixed its every nuance and let them fall into the eyes, sprinkled with stars that made the eyes twinkle. I think I got lost in looking at the eyes, because I was prodded again and that snapped me out of my daze. The owner of the eyes chuckled and I identified the voice as being female. I let my eyes roam over her face taking in her features. She had freckles; not a lot, but enough for me to notice. It made her look kid-like, the way they were spread across her nose and cheeks. She was blonde, I noticed.

"Miss? Are you awake? The plane landed, we're supposed to get off" She said. Every thought I had had off scolding her for prodding me and waking me disappeared with the sound of her voice.

"Um…" I croaked, still somewhat confused.

"Oh you don't speak English… um…" She looked wondering and bit her lip, deep in thought. Her brows furrowed and I think she was trying to remember if she knew the Spanish word for plane.

"I speak English" I said and tried to stifle a yawn.

"Okay then… Um, well…" She bit her lip again and looked at me shyly.

"The plane landed and we have to leave… I'm sorry I woke you, but you really don't look like you need any beauty-sleep anyway…"

I noticed that her cheeks had turned pink and I felt mine tint red as well. Was she flirting with me?

"Oh…" I said and cleared my throat. "Thank you…"

"You're welcome miss…" she looked at me with those blue eyes, and I lost all interest in leaving the plane.

"Lopez… Santana, you can call me Santana" I added the last part quickly, not wanting to be addressed by her as miss.

"I'm Brittany" she said and smiled. I was fascinated by the way she smiled; it made her eyes glisten and her dimples show.

"Ladies, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the plane please." A male voice said behind me, and we both looked up at him. I think it was the captain himself, he was sure clad like one. I nodded and rose to get my stuff. I noticed that Brittany jerked back to avoid a head-collision.

"I'm sorry Mr." I said and grabbed my bag and flopped my book into it. "We'll be leaving now"

Brittany got up from her seat and grabbed her bag as well. I swallowed a giggle at the sight of it. It was white with like a million colorful pictures in cartoon-style. I noticed that she waited for me, seeing as I had once again forgotten what I was supposed to do. It had to be the warmth streaming from the doors, leaving me so blurry-minded and woozy.

"You coming?" she asked when still didn't move. My head snapped up to look at her grinning face and nodded. It was my turn to bite my lip, assuring myself that I wasn't caught in some odd drunk-dream and to help me focus. It was hard, though. As I got out from the row she began to walk, and automatically I followed her. I hadn't noticed her outfit before, seeing as it was hidden behind the chair, but now I noted how well it fitted her. Like the bag, the attire she wore was slightly childish, but at the same way… Kind of hot… I shook my head and scolded myself internally. You don't leer at girls. I told myself.

I followed her to the door and was immediately hit by a surge of warm air from the opening. It was so damn hot, and I felt like the road was swimming in front of me. I followed Brittany down the stair and looked around. How were we going to get away from the plane? I think we missed the bus that normally took people from the plane to the luggage claim.

"Signore! Salto Su!" said a loud voice somewhere to our left. I looked over and saw a man in a golf-car. He gestured for us to come and patted on the seats behind him. I looked at Brittany who nodded. Without a trace of hesitation she grabbed my wrist and pulled me along, forcing me to run with her. Had it been anyone else, I might've slapped them or kicked them over the shin, but not Brittany. I was strangely taken aback by how carefree and open she was. I couldn't help by smile at her. She let go of my hand and jumped onto the car and scooted over to make room for me. Even though it was supposed to fit two persons, we were still sitting very closely together. It didn't really bother me though. It was kind of refreshing, her free mind. She reminded me of some kind of bird, but at the same time she was floating more than she was flying, so some kind of fish maybe. Not a guppy, one of those gorgeous fish with long swaying tails. No… Maybe a dolphin? What do I know anyway? Whatever animal she was, she was different from other people I had met.

I sat on the seat beside her, silently staring at her from the corner of my eye. She was engrossed in our surroundings, prodding me every now and then and pointing at a tree or a bush or something irrelevant like that. It wasn't irrelevant though. I didn't give a shit about trees and stuff, but somehow because she showed them to me, I gained interest.

We got to the luggage claim and I got off with much less graze than Brittany. She practically flew off it and ran away from me. I felt like I should call out to her, make her stay with me. Then, I saw how she flung her arms around a man. He was taller than her, even though she was pretty tall herself. He had blonde hair as well and a huge mouth. I frowned and wondered how many tennis balls I could fit in that. He was definitely a guppy. She looked back at me and waved. Like everything else, her wave was childish. Her motions were way too big and the grin she wore reached from one ear to the other. I couldn't help but smile myself, despite my dislike for the arm curled around her waist, and her own arm on guppy-lips' shoulder. I gave a subtle wave back and turned away, towards the luggage claim.

It took me a while to find my suitcase, but when I finally did, I couldn't help but look around for Brittany, but neither she nor guppy-lips were to be seen anywhere. I sighed and slumped slightly scolding myself for getting my hopes up, for letting her matter that much to me.

Silently I walked towards the exit, when I felt a prod on my shoulder. I spun and prepared to mouth off for being disturbed in my thoughts, but there she stood; the one I'd been thinking off. She smiled shyly, biting her lip again. Then she did something I had never imagined her to do, not even her.

She leaned down and let her lips ghost over my cheek before engulfing me in a hug. I stared wild-eyed at her, but returned the hug burying my head in her shoulder, trying to hide my cheeks which felt like they had turned crimson.

"Thanks for the company, Santana Lopez. I hope we meet again" she said silently and kissed my cheek again before releasing me and skipping over to guppy-lips whose hand was stretched towards her. It hurt slightly when she took it and leaned her head on his shoulder as they walked out.

I realized suddenly that I was standing in the middle of an airport outside Venice, my hand on the tingling spot on my cheek and my eyes wide. I had just been kissed on the cheek by a girl who I had only known for half an hour. I hadn't gotten mad at her, not even annoyed, and that always happened with strangers. I didn't like people… but I liked her…

It took me a while to collect myself, and then I took my suitcase and marched out to the parking-lot and sat down, waiting for the next bus to Bibione to come. I had missed the one I was supposed to take, but thankfully it didn't take more than five minutes before a new one came. The bus was hot as hell and smelled like feet, but for once I didn't care. I sat down and closed my eyes, trying to remember the placement of her freckles and the exact color of her eyes. I tried to remember the scent of her hair; it was some sort of flower; roses maybe? Who was she? I knew that she was Brittany, but really, who was she. She lived in America, I knew that much, because we had both been on the plane from JFK. I had taken the train from Lima to New York, because it gave me a direct line to Italy. I didn't want to change flights half-way; like in Hamburg or something… God knows I didn't feel the need to explain myself to German's. It was such a waste of time.


About an hour later, I arrived at my stop. I was supposed to stay at an apartment in something called Villagio Michelangelo, but I had to pick up the key at some office. I grabbed my suitcase and got off the bus.

The lady at the desk was nice, but her English wasn't very good. She tried to explain the surroundings, but all I cared about was that it was a place where I didn't have to be around people and where I could just be myself. I didn't care that there wasn't Wi-Fi, or that I would probably have noisy neighbors. I cared that there was a pool though. Hey, judge me all the hell you want, but girls wear bikinis and I leer; at the pretty ones of course. Besides, it's not like they'd know, I do wear sunglasses.

I realized that the apartment was two miles from the office, and that I had no idea how to get there. The warmth was starting to get to me, but I put the papers in my suitcase and began to walk down the road. The first chance I got, I bought water, because I really couldn't go much further without it. I knew that in this heat – and this I measured to be around 90 degrees – I needed water, and lots of it.

I walked and walked, and noticed that I also walked past a carnival of some sorts. It was called "Luna Park". I snorted slightly; I'd never ever want to be caught in there. I wondered shortly if that was somewhere Brittany would go. I bet it would, she seemed like the type to like that entire extravaganza. She'd never go here anyway. She was probably going to Venice with that Trouty Mouth Bieber wannabe. Whatever, it wasn't like I'd ever meet her again.

When I finally reached the road called Reghena where the apartment I had rented was, I was thankful that I was a Latina and sun didn't hit me that hard. I did still feel very hot and clammy. First thing, a bath! With some difficulty, due to the small roads and undetectable housing system, I managed to find my apartment.

It was a part of an apartment complex, all painted in a dusty corn-yellow color, looking somewhat like Brittany's hair. I walked up the stairs and noticed a pair of flip-flops outside the door next to mine. They were of man-feet-size. I sighed again and used the last of my force to unlock the door and collapse on the nearest chair, my chest heaving and my body covered in a layer of sweat. My lips tasted like salt… I really needed a bath.

Stretching and yawning, I gathered myself and opened the suitcase to grab fresh clothes along with a towel, shampoo and conditioner. I had almost forgotten the soap, but stretched back for it. The Apartment consisted of three rooms and a balcony. The biggest room was a combined living room and kitchen. It was very cozy, but not really that modern. It had yellow linoleum floors and white and orange tiles in the kitchen department. There was a table with two chairs, a couch and a cabinet. Cozy. The middle size room was the bedroom. There was a king-size four-poster bed with red sheets and decorated pillows. The last and smallest room was the bathroom. It was really tiny and looked like the usage of space was a puzzle. I went straight for the shower and rid myself of my sweaty clammy clothes.

The shower was refreshing, but not enough to keep me from being completely exhausted. I didn't bother with dinner, but went straight to bed. As I lay in my bed and felt sleep conquer my body, I felt relieved. For the next two weeks I was my own captain, and I would listen only to myself. I didn't want any company… Well, that wasn't all true. I wouldn't really mind the company of one specific person; a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes and a free spirit.


A/N

Song for this chapter: Stupid Cupid - Mandy Moore | Youtube - /watch?v=Fink9zQ_4BA

Okay uhm, I wasn't originally going to post this before I got back from Italy but with my current writing pace (8-10 pages per day) I figured that it might be an idea to post some of what I've written thus far and get some response and maybe a Beta. Hope you enjoy it, please review, it's the best motivator for me to write more! For those of you longing for the My Dearest Beth sequel, it's in process (storyboard right now!) (To those who read this before 17:32 +2GMT I apologize for the screw up about the college!)