"It doesn't hurt me, you want to feel how it feels? You want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me? You want to hear about the deal I'm making?

You don't want to hurt me, but see how deep the bullet lies, unaware that I'm tearing you asunder.

There's a thunder in our hearts, baby, so much hate for the ones we love, tell me, we both matter, don't we?

And if I only could make a deal with God, I'd get him to swap our places, be running up that road, be running up that hill, be running up that building, if I only could, oh…

C'mon, baby, c'mon, c'mon darling, let me steal this moment from you now…" – 'Running up that hill' – Placebo

After the fall, Newt ran. Not literally, mind you, his body and mind far too exhausted and long since broken apart into so much rubble and floating detritus that he simply didn't possess the energy to move with such significant haste. He was thankful, not for the first time in his life, for the numerous precautions and safeguards that he had put into place long ago for the eventuality that he might have to flee his home and country for the sake of his creatures. Not that it was his creatures who needed to flee now though – it was for entirely selfish reasons that he was vacating his erstwhile accommodation in London, transferring his friends to his case with built-in fail-safes of the enclosures. Their inhabitants were understandably disgruntled by the sudden heavily magical mass transportation but the exhaustion it left Newt with was almost too strong to make him panic all that much. Once he arrived in his intended bolthole – a carved out section of cliffside on the Cornish coast, several miles out of the idyllic and thankfully quiet town of Port Isaac, he focussed all of his dwindling energy in the day or more that followed upon settling and soothing his distressed friends. It helped keep his mind off things – complex, complicated, horrible, messy things that were far too painful to be borne as the magizoologist worked himself to a near-catatonic state before eventually succumbing to his much-needed rest.

He was only awoken two full days later by the insistent pecking and twining of the Occamy about his emaciated form, they had grown to fill the tiny hut in which he dwelt within his newly housed case and their deceptively feather-soft scales were an odd welcome from the feel of cold, conflictingly pleasurable hands that had dogged his dreams and soaked his sheets with sweat for so many horrible reasons. He smiled blearily up and down at the twining bodies even as they looked back at him with huge, sad, imploring eyes that left guilt squirming further in Newt's guts than he knew how to fathom so instead he resorted to doing what he usually did when distressed. He set to work in helping his friends in need. Another three days later and the only one who refused to settle apart from Newt himself was the Phoenix. His eyes were stern and mournful, even as he never ventured near to Newt, he always watched him – part of the man was almost comforted by the silent guardian but he also found that after some time he wished for solitude from the attentions of the sole creature amongst his companions who was capable of recognising Newt's culpability in his own suffering. What he'd done. What he hadn't. And also the things that he couldn't remember that even as they left him in doubt of his own fault were all the worse for the suffering they were causing others in their wake. He'd seen the looks on Albus' and Graves' faces and the satisfaction upon Gellert's that told him that whatever he was missing was doing none of them any good at all. But as much as he regretted it now, he knew that leaving had been the best decision for all involved – not only to help recover his shattered wits and ravaged heart but to perchance return to them in such a state where his memories might once again be intact and ready to receive at least a little of the blinding affection that he had seen in Graves' mahogany gaze.

Those oddly familiar deep brown, deeply expressive, pained eyes that hurt him to think of for too long but at the same brought an odd comfort that only served to disturb him further in its unplacability in terms of the gaping holes that resided within his recollections. As easy as it might sound for him to simply substitute the gap with the vague feelings and ideas that had been pushed his way by Albus and Graves, but it wasn't anywhere near that simple. Trying to attach feelings of that incomprehensible depth that he had never before associated with a human – let alone another man – without any memories to help support any of it was enough to send his mind and stomach into dizzying, sickening spirals that left him feeling more hollow and shattered than ever before. And that was before not even taking into consideration the fact that his only remaining recollections of anything close to…physical intimacy with anyone over the past year consisted of Gellert Grindelwald breaking him apart slowly and thoroughly, piece by stinking piece and in every way he could.

Not only had Newt spent his time caring for his friends but reaffirming old defences upon his case and cave, as well as casting new ones – utilising every single thing he could think of in increasingly elaborate and even sometimes downright callous ways. He couldn't truly believe that any of it was really enough to protect him from what he was trying to escape but it at least helped to know that he was trying. That this time around he wasn't simply just giving up and submitting for fear of worse when there really wasn't much that could be. He wasn't going to allow Grindelwald near him, and he also wasn't going to let himself inflict his presence upon his erstwhile family and friends after how badly he'd screwed up by allowing Gellert to be released upon the world again for the sake of his safety and sanity. Two things that were in peril almost as much as they ever were even now that he was out of his bonds in a more physical sense.

But, as it turned out however, Newt's protections did indeed provide him with the sought peace of mind as, not a little over a week after he had begun his self-induced isolation in the cave, he was awoken from his incredibly light doze by the sounds of loud swearing in what seemed to be a frustration mangled string of German expletives. A voice, that despite its awful familiarity, actually brought a small smile to the Magizoologist's face as he lay on his back with his eyes still closed. Not for the arrival of the man whom it belonged to of course - he had been dreading that - but it had been that very dread that also gave him the foresight to prepare for when Gellert finally did pursue him. And it seemed that the paranoia had in fact paid off as Gellert Grindelwald was quite literally now trapped and ensnared in those defences. Newt lay there for several seconds longer, revelling slightly in the brief solace of solemnity before he would have to face the other again, feeling pressure building behind his temples and within his tightly closed eyes from where he lay before his hazy contemplation was broken by another familiar voice breaking through the cursing.

"You can't pretend to be particularly surprised by this, Gellert. I must say I'm more impressed if anything, rather inventive work woven into a naturally occurring-"

"Yes, yes, it's all rather intriguing, Albus, but I would rather appreciate it if you could offer a hand so that we might continue about our business. We both have things to be doing do we not?"

Grindelwald's harsh tones had cut across the softer ones and Newt heard a correspondingly weary sigh come from the aforementioned wizard before Dumbledore raised his voice in a tentative though calming seeming call, clearly aimed towards where Newt supposed he could see Newt's case upon the rocky cavern floor. "Newt? We would rather speak to you face to face if you would be amendable to coming out of there?"

Newt opened his eyes, pressing his lips together grimly and sitting up in his cot, looking up grimly, distantly to where a pale square of light resided at the entrance to his case. His own voice barely trembled but was far too hoarse to be strong or calm sounding in the slightest as he may have meant it to. "Not particularly."

He heard a scoff from Gellert and nothing from Albus for a few moments more before he spoke again, softer this time in his call. "You have every right to refuse me, but this visit comes more as a formality borne of necessity rather than simply concern on your behalf…although that is certainly part of it as well, I confess."

Newt sighed again, slinging his legs wearily over the edge of the bed but still not levering himself up in some petty, fleeting resistance to the unavoidable. He doubted that Dumbledore was going to leave until he came up to speak with him and due to his protections, he knew that Gellert most likely couldn't. Newt had to go up there some time and despite knowing that, he still couldn't help but cling onto the minor solitude of his case as the Occamy twined about his feet and knees and upon the bed behind him, nestling into the warm nest his vacated blankets now formed. He absently traced a hand along the top of Nessa's head as she nipped lightly at his thumb where light, raised lines of scarred flesh resided as Gellert's voice drifted down to him again though this time, less impatient and more matching in tone to Albus' in its softer, more coaxing qualities even if Newt was not fool enough to be taken in by it…not this time at least.

"Newton, I promise that I shall not harm you in this instance – we are merely here to discuss and set the terms of our agreements in terms of your acquiescence. You knew this was going to happen, Liebling, now please act reasonably and…assist in ridding me of these admittedly thorough security measures."

"'Reasonably' is it now, Mr Grindelwald?" Newt half-choked on a brittle laugh as he began disentangling himself from the mass of Occamy that had swarmed protectively around him, sensing his distress and reacting to it by encircling him as best they could in the small space of his hut with no obvious threat in sight. He managed to wrest himself free and slowly, doggedly made his weary way up the ladder, snagging a few vials from his workbench as he did so, pausing for longer than necessary at the lip before finally pushing the case open and clambering back out. He was forced to duck aside as the Phoenix followed him, swooping forward to claw viciously at the figure of Grindelwald who was unable to defend himself very effectively due to currently being suspended upside-down in the thicket of heavily enchanted Acromantula webbing that Newt had set up to ensnare anyone who tried to enter the cave.

More cursing followed for several seconds as the trapped wizard was subjected to the sharp, shredding beak and claws of the irate bird – tearing through the skin of his legs, arms, chest and even at his face and scalp before he seemed to deem his warnings given and the Phoenix retreated to instead hover by Newt's shoulder in a clearly shielding manner. Newt had considered calling the Phoenix off at first, knew that he probably should in order to put Grindelwald in a better mood for whatever negotiations were about to take place but couldn't quite help taking some petty satisfaction in seeing the dark wizard receive just a little recompense for all that he had done. For what he had made Newt do…made him feel…made him forget. It was trivial perhaps, but seeing the other wizard suspended upside-down and looking suitably irritated at the rather severe smattering of scratches and gouges upon his person made Newt feel just that little bit more in control. He knew he wasn't – far from it but…it helped.

Albus was stood nearby, just beyond the film of webbing though just about visible as the grey, wintery light filtered through the shimmering strands, he looked caught between mild amusement at Gellert's predicament and continued contrite sorrow at Newt's. He looked tired still though not quite as much as Newt felt but certainly more so than Gellert did under the coating of spells and web. Behind the slashes and binds, he looked positively glowing with pale health compared to his previous year of captivity. Not that he had looked unhealthy before, but he certainly looked better now - perhaps it was the return of his magic, maybe it was something else, Newt didn't know, and he couldn't find it in himself to care.

His wand was clasped tightly in his right hand whilst his left held two clear coloured vials which he held in a looser grip as he regarded both men coldly. "I really hope you aren't expecting me to cut him down."

Albus grimaced and inclined his head slightly "It would probably make the discussions easier if you did."

"Not for me it wouldn't." Newt replied shortly, arms crossed and eying both guardedly though with a hard gaze.

"I swear on my honour that I will not lay a hand upon you whilst we discuss this matter."

Newt choked on a bitter laugh again "Like that means anything."

"Newton-" Gellert began in a harsh reprimand but then stopped himself, biting his lip in a most un-Grindelwald like manner before meeting Newt's eyes as best he could from his position and intoning a quiet "Please."

Gellert's face was slowly turning red and flushed from his time upside-down and Newt stood where he was for maybe a minute longer, silent until the stares of both and the uncharacteristic sincerity from Gellert coerced him silently into begrudging action and he stepped forward. Incanting and casting his words and wand, he simultaneously unstoppered the first vial with his teeth even as his lips moved in the incantations around it and poured the contents over the webbing which began to smoke slightly before it broke apart. It was only Gellert's clearly honed magical reflexes that prevented him from colliding face-first with the ground as he caught himself with wandless magic and dusted off his clothing brusquely with annoyance when he stood again.

The webbing had left long burnt welts upon all parts of exposed skin that it had touched – his throat, hands and part of his wrists – and Newt knew from experience that the burns, induced by a particular type of venom he had collected long ago in his travels and applied to the webbing, would be burning and itching something fierce. He clenched the second vial in his hand for a few moments, looking between it and Gellert with some deliberation before pocketing it – it contained a salve that would ease the pain and he had only retrieved it out of habit and in case Albus had also been caught in the defences. Albus stepped forward through the now dissolved webbing, brushing a stray strand aside carefully with wandless magic and nodding a silent greeting to Newt which he didn't return, merely stared resolutely in silence.

"Now that we've got all that out of the way, might we discuss this properly in a more civil manner, Newton? I find myself rather tired of such dreary surroundings as I'm quite sure you can understand, perhaps to your-"

"You're not getting any nearer to my case than you are now. Neither of you. Whatever you have to say can be said out here or not at all." Newt's tone was brisk and sharper than the coastal December air that blew through the cavernous space they stood in. Gellert sighed showily and waved his wand – Newt managing to contain his flinch only barely – and conjured three winged armchairs and a laden table to appear between them. The surface burdened with three sets of goblets, cutlery and plates, all full and the contents smelling admittedly delicious – at least to someone who hadn't sampled Gellert's idea of a 'meal' before. Without so much as a word, Newt sent the food-laden plates over the edge of the cliff to clatter and smash on the rocks below before turning them to dust with a mere move of his hand. Even in his frustration, he didn't really want to risk hurting any sea creatures below in his outburst.

Grindelwald's pale face mocked affront at the action and Albus sighed, seemingly exasperated by the continued theatrics but sat nonetheless in a seat at one end whilst Gellert took the one to the right of him. Newt eyed both sceptically before allowing a little tension to deflate from his frame as he perched upon the chair's edge, grip tight on his wand and the Phoenix settling upon the back of his chair in a comforting, bearing presence that allowed him some semblance of warmth.

"Thank you for agreeing to speak with us, Newt, I'm sure that-."

"With all due respect, I'd appreciate it if you just got on with what you have to say." Newt cut in and Albus inclined his head politely if a bit mollified by the harsh tone. Gellert sat, reclined in his own chair across from Newt, chin rested upon his ringed hand, the arm of which was propped up on the armrest as he regarded Newt with cold curiosity. Newt resolutely ignored him, focusing his rapidly blinking gaze upon Albus instead, or at least his left shoulder where a thread of his jacket seemed to have come loose at some point. Newt focussed only upon that and not upon the cold, mismatched eyes he could feel fixed upon him and the memories that made cold sweat bead along his spine.

"Of course, apologies…" Albus paused then, clearly uncertain and Newt felt his jitters increase exponentially under both hard stares, blinking rapidly as sweat droplets trickled along his skin in pale rivulets that he didn't wipe away. He wasn't sure that if he moved his hands from where they were knotted together in his lap with his wand, that they would actually obey his commands with how taut the muscles were right now. Images flickered and pressed, unwanted and relentless of skin connecting with skin, flesh penetrating flesh, hazy pleasure-pain and spirals upon spirals of glowing, burning confusing silver behind his lids even in the briefest of half-seconds that they closed as he blinked so rapidly… he squeezed them shut one more time, breathing deeply before opening them again with fierce determination. Grounded a little by the tightening of slightly bloodied claws upon the leather of the chair he sat on and Newt tried not to think more on the trains of thought that blood and leather led him on.

He blinked, coughed slightly and readjusted his positioning on his perch upon the very edge of the seat, feeling both gazes intensify – one with it's worry and the other with something much less definable even if Newt refused to properly meet it at all.

"Newt." It was Grindelwald's voice this time and Newt didn't make the mistake of looking up to meet the other's eyes, keeping them on the sky he could see between the two men before him, silhouetting them with grey light and rimming them with odd silver tendrils. He ignored the latter colour in favour of the colder grey light – the natural tone of the winter sky more preferable in tone to the preternatural contradiction. "I am here on cordial terms only."

Newt jerked with a bitter bark of that same laughter again, twitched with it almost as he kept his gaze down, shaking his head in utter bemusement. "Hard to know what you'd consider to be cordial."

"Quite." The tone was clipped, angry even, as if Gellert were the one taking offence and he heard Albus sigh again. Newt found himself, in that moment, growing infinitely weary of the two men's antics and predictable patterns and wished more than anything to simply slink back off into his case without anyone moving to stop him. He knew that wasn't going to happen though, he just wasn't that fortunate.

"You're here to tell me that I must continue to be subjected to your presence, Mr Grindelwald." he said, slowly but firmly, keeping it as impersonal as he could, considering the…circumstances and catching the words as they passed his lips with a twang of discomfort that didn't quite translate into a tremor as it might once have. His voice, like the rest of him, was too…worn out for that.

"Putting aside how distastefully you put it, yes." Grindelwald responded though unhelpfully, bitingly, he left it at that, and Newt blinked again, shifting in his seat, the sweat soaking through his sleeves and where his previously loose collar now stuck to his neck.

"Well, what exactly do you want me to say then? My opinion matters very little here. You've both made that exceedingly clear as I haven't really had much say in…in any…recent events." His voice began to falter a little here as he struggled to word just what had happened without really registering any of his own thoughts or surroundings, drowning in the emptiness of his own mind and nothing to divert himself away from it. "You try to pretend that you're offering choices, but you aren't – not really. Both of you do it in your own ways. More similar than any of us would admit but it's true. I've seen it and you've realised it too."

He finally raised his gaze to both of them then and his gaze could have been angry to match the accusation in his words, but it wasn't. They weren't. He didn't feel anything more than a vague sort of pity for both and they stared back at him. Albus' lips were parted as if he wanted to speak and Gellert's were pressed into a thin, troubled line as both sides of silver and blue pierced Newt…or would have pierced if there was anything left to burst. He wasn't made of flesh and blood anymore. More of ice. Thick, solid, cold and contradictorily impenetrable. Had the voice of the pact still been present, it might have mocked his choice of words in wake of Gellert's assault but as it was, Newt felt nothing of the slight bitter amusement that he might once have.

"Perhaps you have a point," Dumbledore said slowly, eyes guarded as he glanced between Newt and Grindelwald flickeringly, gauging both and not seeming to like what he saw in either. Newt didn't look at Gellert to see, kept his eyes again on the light that shone dully in the sky between the two men before him. "But we are here for your wellbeing, Newt, as we were last time. I have done you uncountable wrongs and perhaps the most grievous of which has been taking these decisions into my own hands in a…less sincere fashion than I may have initially intended."

"Lied outright, you mean?" Gellert scoffed, shaking his head though freezing in the movement as Newt's gaze flickered briefly toward him though still nowhere close to focus.

"It doesn't really matter now," Newt spoke, voice hollow and even, the ice spreading in another encroaching sheet within him. "There's no point in dwelling on the lies or otherwise that led us here. It won't change anything." He twitched his head just slightly more toward Gellert again. "What would you ask of me?"

"The continued pleasure of your company, of course." He replied smoothly, pausing and clucking his tongue as he seemed to consider something Newt knew he would have already decided upon in advance before he continued. "As often is convenient for both of us I would imagine…monthly, shall we say?"

Newt nodded, not looking at either but softly assenting before Albus interjected again with a painfully cautious tone. "What are your plans for the immediate future, Newt? It would be easier for me to orient and monitor these…visits" an indignant side-glance at Gellert "and makes sure that the agreed-upon terms are adhered to."

Newt moved his eyes further down to monitor the stone floor between the chairs instead now, bowing under the weight of the stares laid upon him. "I hadn't decided yet, really, I felt that I should attempt to seek out the other creatures who were imprisoned and then abandoned or hunted from Paris."

"No plans to return to London? To see your brother or either of the Goldstein sisters? I understand that they are now living together. It might be advisable to offer them some comfort by visiting." The nudge was gentle but obvious and Newt considered it silently for more long moments before inclining his head minutely, not in assent or deference, just acknowledgement of the suggestion.

"And Director Graves?" It was Gellert's voice. Of course, it was, and Newt was sorely tempted then to meet that treacherous gaze but restrained himself to a near-violent twitch.

"What of him?"

"Regaining any recollections of him past that of his obvious ineptitude and distinct lack of regard for personal boundaries?" The tone was mockingly amused, and Newt's eyes finally snapped up, feeling hot anger flare up in him unexpectedly. Untraceable warmth flowing through his chest, centring above his heart like a heart of warmth in itself and it flared a completely uncalled for irritation into being that fuelled his icily spoken words as he rose fluidly to his feet.

"What I remember or don't is precisely none of your business and I would thank you to save your opinions for someone who is so wholly dim-witted or desperate enough that they would put any value in them." He felt the Phoenix's wing brushing his shoulder as the creature moved forward to take up a place upon his shoulder in a bolstering movement as the magizoologist stared coldly down at the dumbfounded looking man. "Just because you have stolen more than I can comprehend doesn't mean that I am any more willing to tolerate you, now I would appreciate it very much if you would get out. I would bother making some sort of threat, but I would rather just be rid of you. Please cling to whatever demented sense of 'honour' you delude yourself to still having and leave."

Grindelwald stood smoothly, eyes dark, piercing and unmoving from every minute movement of Newt's own as they resided grey-tinted and dull yet underlyingly fierce in his skull, sunken and hollow against his stark pallor. "Very well, Liebling," He replied shortly before turning to Dumbledore who too had stood, posture tense "But I shall rely upon you, Albus, to hold up your end of the bargain and explain Newton's situation to him in full as he seems…reluctant to listen to a voice of reason straight from its source."

"Oh do shut up, Gellert." Albus snapped, surprising both of his companions at the sudden break in demeanour, irritation and dignified tension warring for dominance but the former seeming to win out in that moment. "You've gotten everything you wanted out of this agreement and left none of us with much choice but to accept it and go along with your demands. The very least you could do would be to accept our positions with some semblance of humility rather than continuing with these theatrics."

"You had just as much input as I on our terms, it's no fault of mine if you didn't have the ingenuity or foresight that push circumstances to your advantage." Gellert replied with a haughtily light tone "But don't be so quick to group yourself with Newt, I don't believe that he currently has as much patience for or ignorance of your failures as before." He looked to Newt, as if seeking some form of support just as Albus had when he had spoken before but Newt neither moved nor spoke up to defend either. It was not his fight – these quarrels were between the two elder wizards. The only part he had to play was the one he was being forced into by Gellert's demands – he was no longer a part of the bond between them and refused to be used as a pawn between them like he were some unfortunate child stuck between arguing parents. Whatever lingering issues they had with one another were no longer his concern. Not really.

"Just go." Albus spoke bitingly with a disgusted, exhausted seeming wave of one hand towards the cave entrance and Gellert's brows rose derisively with a slight scoff and Albus softened the gesture a little by following with the bit-out words. "I will see that everything is sorted to your stipulations." He sent a meaningful glare in the other's direction that Newt didn't miss but neither did he comment upon, the magizoologist may have felt an oddly beseeching, searching set of eyes upon his face but he didn't raise his gaze from the wood grain of the table even as it disappeared along with the wizard who had conjured it with a crack that was almost lost in the wind.

"Newt?"

He turned a little towards the sound of the softer voice but still didn't really acknowledge it, face angled down away from the light and other. He heard another sigh.

"He's gone."

"Does it matter?"

"What?" Albus' tone was hushed but startled nonetheless and Newt shrugged apathetically in slight response.

"Does it matter to you that he's gone? I know you feel uncomfortable being around either us…especially together…more so now obviously but I suppose it's all going to make things worse now…"

"Well…yes but I dispelled him more for your benefit than anything…you don't want him here, do you?"

"I don't really want anyone here, but I understand the necessity." He paused, tilting his gaze up to rest upon Albus' lapels, closer to contact than before and saw the tightness of the other's bearded, grey streaked jaw in the taut lines of his neck below it. "I'd also like to make it quite clear that I'm not going to act as your intermediary anymore. If you want to talk to him or…anything else…then you needn't use me as an excuse. I know you didn't entirely mean it that way but it's what it has seemed to become anyway. I rather think that I aired more between you two than either of you intended…but the bond did. It wanted you to confront this rather than letting it fester anymore. It's made everything much more complicated than it perhaps intended however…we all did…"

He wasn't sure where the words came from, but he knew that they were true and Albus offered no disagreement, his own gaze dipping in contemplation as he nodded just slightly. He went to stand by the lip of the cave, looking out onto the crashing grey-blue waves below that glimmered just a little in the sunlight that was trying to filter through the caste of hazy cloud cover. "Gellert Saw this. He saw you here after you left. You gave us quite the scare, Newt – you just jumped...Your brother and Director Graves feared the worst but Gellert apparently knew better – as he is always wont to believe he is – as he Saw you here. I wanted to give you some time to yourself, but he was…predictably insistent on the matter and our bargain left me with little alternative."

"But the bargain was under your control in the first place." Newt spoke without accusation but with that same hollow truth as before, moving forward to join Albus in the contemplation of waves. Several feet into the water he saw gulls diving for fish and stray weeds that littered the stormy surface and sent his wandering thoughts further down to the other creatures he knew to be dwelling there. He could see the dark shapes of some of them moving through the water below, some more clear than others and one even clinging to the side of the waterlogged rocks below. "Both of you had a say in the terms of it from what I understand. You were bargaining the fate of both the wizarding and Muggle worlds – the fates of every creature on this earth because you didn't want to be held responsible for my suffering anymore. You didn't want that culpability on your hands and ended up making a much worse deal out of it."

"You're right." Albus replied softly "I've played God for far too long, deluded myself into thinking that because I hold any more skill or knowledge than others that I really should have any say in larger schemes…I never stopped trying to design a greater good of my own…I deluded myself into thinking that I knew better than I once did but I didn't ever grow past being that starstruck, power-hungry boy I once was…I never did…"

Newt didn't say anything. Didn't need to. They both knew that Dumbledore was right, and it didn't warrant pointless placations or disagreements to try to dissuade him. Newt didn't mean to say it as a provocation or accusation, just a statement of what they both knew needed to be said and Newt was perhaps the only person in a position to say it to him in the right way...or was it the right way? Newt didn't know.

"Your family are worried for you." Albus spoke after a very long time, the silence having stretched out between the two like dissipating morning mist that had once wreathed them in similar circumstances upon Hampstead Heath. So very long ago now. "It's Christmas Eve and as much as I understand you have…larger concerns upon your mind…I believe that it would be better for all involved if you visited them." Albus turned his head to face Newt as the magizoologist continued to stare ever outwards at the endless grey. "Even if you don't believe it would help yourself, do it to reassure them that you didn't simply drop from the face off the earth. It's difficult enough for those who care for you to know you're in pain without being able to at least know that you're...still here."

"I'm not quite sure I still am." Newt spoke just above a whisper, eyes blinking rapidly again but always too dry. "There's so much missing…not just the memories that I know are gone…but there are feelings and…. other things…traces of things I can't recognise that are left where the memories were that don't make sense…"

"I could help you if you wish…I might be able to discover how to undo what Gellert did if I could try to find the memories, where they were and link them up with what I know along with the remnants of what is left…if you spent some time with your friends it might help-"

Newt was shaking his head from as soon as Albus began speaking but it became more vehement and enough to notice before the end. "I don't need anyone else in my head. I don't want it back…there's too much guilt…all I feel is guilt when I try to focus on him and I don't think I want that much more on my conscience if I've done him such wrong…why would I try to rekindle…whatever was between us if I've done him so much harm? Maybe it's better that I left him to continue his life and me mine." Likely returning Newt's courtesy, or so he imagined it to be, Albus didn't offer a contradiction, merely looked at him with sad, irreversibly old eyes. Newt continued, almost to himself again with the softest of voices. "I'm sure that he means well…seems to but…I can't share this and I won't with someone who was apparently important enough for Gellert to take such delight in removing…if he cared that much…if I did…then it's probably better that I do what's best for both of us and stay away from it all."

"If that is your decision, Newt, and I believe that you may have been at least partially right in this, then I won't try to persuade you otherwise as it isn't my place but I still think it would be an immeasurable kindness, to your brother at least, to let him know that you are indeed alive. He doesn't seem to trust my reassurances upon the matter." The last part was followed by a hollow-sounding chuckle and Newt merely nodded, prompting a sideways, hopeful seeming glance from the other. "You'll visit them then?"

"I suppose." Newt replied quietly "I should apologise at least. I've just made his and Tina's jobs a lot harder with Grindelwald's release."

"Newt." His name was spoken with fervency and Albus gripped his shoulder firmly, turning him about to face the shorter man even as Newt's startled eyes only rose to trace the other lips as they formed more words, bright blue eyes direct upon Newt's downturned face. "You are not responsible for this. This was my decision. You were right – I made decisions on your behalf without really giving you any choice in any of it. Grindelwald will not succeed in bringing about his war. I won't let him. Even if it won't be obvious that I'm fighting him over the next few years…I will be…it will be difficult, but you need to place trust in your friends, Newt. Being alone may seem to be an…easier way to deal with what's happened but it won't be. Being alone is harder in the aftermath of love and pain than you can imagine." His eyes were searching Newt's then, desperate and earnest but Newt couldn't meet them. Couldn't.

"Tell me you understand, Newt." He almost shook Newt and the younger man wrenched himself back from the grip with a gasp away from the edge and Albus, back towards the relative safety of his case.

"I hear you." He replied softly when Albus made a move as if to follow and it halted the other's steps and a look of deep regret flashed across his lined face again.

"Can I ask…did you want this to happen?"

Newt's eyes snapped up then, furious and perplexed and Albus hastened to clarify himself at the reaction "I don't mean what occurred between you and Gellert…I mean…your memories…before the bond was removed, when I asked if I could help you in any way…you said that you wished the last year of your life was gone…I thought at the time that you had only meant what had happened in Nurmengard and what Grindelwald did…but…was I mistaken?"

Newt frowned, vaguely remembering the words spilling numbly if a little hysterically from his own lips "I…don't know…maybe…I don't remember enough of Graves to know if I would want to forget him in the first place... even with all the guilt. Besides, I thought this was Grindelwald's doing – not mine."

"Of course, there is no doubt in my mind that he is responsible for this, but I had wondered if you perhaps were aware of his intentions more than you may have realised…"

"I honestly don't know…I'm missing too much to be sure of much at all…"

"And you're quite certain you don't want my assistance in attempting to regain those memories?"

The apathy leeched at him as he shook his head again, turning his gaze back down "I would rather have some time to myself with no one else in my head if its all the same to you…if they're meant to come back I imagine they probably will on their own…eventually…"

"Perhaps…" Albus looked conflicted and Newt let a little of his inner tension leak out once more and into his words as he answered the earlier query.

"I will visit them…Theseus and Tina that is…"

Albus nodded approvingly before clearing his throat and adopting a more serious though resigned expression "These…visits with Gellert that I am to arrange – you know I wouldn't wish them upon you but with his freedom I doubt there would be much either of us could do to dissuade his pursuit of you but at least in this way he will be held to the terms of our agreement."

"What makes you so sure? I know you said you can't tell me the details, but can you at least give me some solid assurance that he will be held to… whatever it is you made between you two?"

Albus paused, seeming to consider his words carefully "We reworked the purpose of the Blood-pact to include your involvement after it was removed….it's quite remarkable…it has grown to become a living thing in its own right – an amalgamation of Gellert and myself…who we were and what we grew to be and after spending so long within you…it took some of you too, Newt…it no longer binds you in an obvious sense but…well…" he chuckled slightly, looking thoroughly mystified "I think that simply put…it took a liking to you, Newt."

"Joy of joys." Newt muttered caustically, letting out the dry sound of a half-laugh of his own, Albus seemed a little encouraged by this it seemed as a ghost of a small smile graced his own lips from the corner of Newt's eye.

"I'm sorry if that summarisation seems a tad insensitive but it's true. What it means essentially is that the original purpose of the bond has been altered rather than removed between Gellert and myself and I worked his pursuit of you into it as best I could…he was predictably determined on the matter." He sighed, head tilting towards Newt again and managing to catch his eye as best he could "Whilst you were unconscious we set the terms and as invasive as it seems I took the liberty of placing about the intended protections upon you as the terms of the bond were reset. He can no longer employ Legilimency upon you or a number of other influencing magics such as the Imperius, though you will still be vulnerable to more physical effectors such as Veritaserum, as it isn't a danger that stems directly from his magic. These precautions will not protect you from all forms of magical manipulations mind you – only from Gellert's magic directly. Should another attempt any such methods, you will be affected much the same as before – this is merely a protection against your will being…usurped when interacting with Gellert alone."

Newt nodded slowly, feeling that he probably should be experiencing some form of outrage at the further working of magic upon him without his consent or knowledge but finding that his capacity for indignance in that particular field seemed to have been bled dry by this point. At least this magic was unlikely to make him kill or harm anyone against his will or awareness. "I managed to convince him not to place any traces upon you directly, but I don't imagine that he will play by that as much as he professes. He never has been one for any great integrity after all."

"Whatever would possibly give you that idea? Your massive intellect let you in on that astoundingly insightful idea did it?" Newt muttered bitterly, finding that the derision felt easier to roll off his tongue in wake of the bitter hollowness residing within him – it felt…appropriate somehow even as he knew it likely came off as petulant and childish. Maybe he was now, just a little. He felt a cuff on the back of his head then and blinked bemusedly, turning his head to meet the disapproving onyx eyes of the Phoenix and almost laughed despite himself before glancing up shamefacedly to Albus. "Sorry…please continue."

Albus looked mildly amused "No need, Newt, your frustration is rightly placed, and I would wager that venting it in the right places would be a good idea."

"Still, no call to be rude when you're making sense of all of this." He still refused to look at the other but caught a slight nod from him anyway.

"My words were poorly chosen but that aside, I would offer you a warning to exercise more care than you ever have before should you wish to avoid his notice for the most part. Though I see that you seem to have your safety and defences well in consideration already." He said, eying the strands of webbing left with some appreciation. "Can I ask what you did to make them quite so resilient to Gellert's magic?"

Newt let a small, slightly proud smile twitch his lips up at the corners as he explained "Acromantula webbing coated with aged Levellan venom and woven in with some faerie magic. I've found that most wizards don't tend to consider any creatures' magics to be as strong or useful as that of a wand but because of that it's power tends to be overlooked and mostly unprotected against."

He brushed fingers against his wand at his side, thinking of the wholly unique core it held and how well it had served him alongside the other alternative sources of protection and healing he had amassed over his life. The attributes of plants so simple as Bluebell, Rowan, Primrose and Ash that he had utilised in his defences were overlooked by many as they weren't listed as truly magical materials by any school-sanctioned textbooks or curriculum. In a way, Newt's expulsion and more independent style of learning through his mother's influences and his travels had opened up his repertoire in a much more comprehensive way that even someone as academically impressive as Gellert was left perplexed by his work. In the spur of the moment, he may not be as powerful as the stronger wizards or those with the advantage of numbers but given some preparation time, he could establish some pretty damn useful defences and remedies.

"I must admit that I have done little such research myself and I don't doubt that Gellert would've thought it worth his notice in wake of his preference for the darker arts." Albus conceded, looking thoughtful.

"I thought as much."

"It's a shame that a position in teaching would likely be denied to you by Headmaster Dippet due to your expulsion, I rather believe that you would have much to teach my colleagues as well as the students in terms of both magical creatures and Herbology."

Newt laughed with a more genuine note than before "I don't think I would be any more well suited to such a role than the last time you suggested it to me."

"Oh, I don't know, I would wager that your literary prowess and veritable hordes of admirers might suggest otherwise. I know that you haven't exactly been paying much attention to the progress of your work lately - with good reason undoubtedly – but it has gained more credibility than you might expect – even amongst some of the less…enlightened members of the wizarding community. I'm sure that should I put in a good word for your appointment for either position that Armando might, in fact, listen to reason on the matter. He's becoming comparatively softer in his later years."

Newt's smile faded and he shook his head numbly "I appreciate what you're trying to do here, Albus, but even if I thought I would be any good in a teaching post, I wouldn't inflict my trail of misfortune upon children. I'm hesitant even to risk the safety of Theseus' child by visiting before they are born..." he swallowed hard "I can't imagine what Grindelwald would do if I were to take such a role…no, it's far better that I stay away from others."

"Isolating yourself will only serve to push you closer to Gellert and I think-."

"I don't really care what you think about this. I'm not taking advice from you on anything concerning Gellert Grindelwald. You've spent the majority of your life pining over him and I'm not going to make the same mistake as you – what…w-what happened between us wasn't… mutual…he used the bond against me to…make me…make me feel things that weren't real and fooled himself into thinking that they were. Still is." He looked over at Albus then with pitying eyes that stung with how wide open he was holding them. Not to hold back tears though, he felt too cold for tears in a way that had nothing to do with the biting coastal wind, eyes wide and dry. Albus looked equal parts sympathetic in his own right and ashamed, Newt couldn't stand it and turned upon his heel, fully intending to retreat back into his case where Albus would hopefully have the sense not to follow.

"Don't let him turn you into something you're not, Newt."

He stopped just in front of his case but didn't turn, shoulders trembling slightly under his thin shirt and coat.

"Hate thrives in the absence of love. Bitterness grows best in isolation. Don't cut yourself off from others – that's what Gellert wants. It's why he has done what he did – he stole the better parts of the last year of your life so that he might worm his way into the place of Mr Graves in your affections. Even if you don't remember what occurred between the two of you, I know that the feelings remain – love like what I witnessed between you two doesn't just go away. Gellert saw this too and tried his best to make it go away all the same because he doesn't know how to handle being told me…" Albus' eyes glimmered for a few moments as Newt glanced back at him briefly at the crack in his voice "Please focus upon what you can of those you love and who love you in return so that you might hold onto the good man I know you are, Newt. It may seem unlikely to you in wake of all that Gellert has inflicted upon you, but you are capable of moving past this without cutting off all ties to those you care for."

Newt didn't respond, couldn't with the way his throat felt like sandpaper and his chest felt immeasurably tight, like an Occamy constricting about his chest until his breaths came in too short. He leant down and fumbled the locks of his case open, hands shaking and only briefly glancing back again once before sliding through the gap and clambering down on clumsy limbs, spelling the lid shut again behind him. The actual Occamy were curled up in his cot where he had left them and the Phoenix had swooped down before he had, now resting upon a nearby chair that Newt fled past on his way over to the station where he kept his ingredients and samples. The glass under his fingers clinked and tinkled worryingly as he sought through the labels for the desired potion – it took him a few tries as his head was spinning and unwanted images were flickering behind his eyes in a confusing cavalcade of sensations and sparks. It felt as if thoughts and pressure were pushing at his temples and the backs of his eyes, trying to break through in the most painful way possible and he was insensible to the low groan that left his lips even as he found the right vial.

The dark liquid tasted bitterly of peppermint and like off spirits but as he gulped the dose down, Newt barely noticed it in wake of the instant numbness that ran through him like a dousing of icy water after too long in the sun. The sensations of his heart, eyes and brain being on fire lessened until he could barely feel anything at all, and he slumped over the countertop in relief, letting the coolness wash away everything all in blissful moments of detachment. It settled in thickly into the ice like a coating of snow – feeling more right than the outbursts and spikes of emotion had in Albus' and Gellert's presence's – it felt more…right to be alone and in this numb state. He didn't like what he had said even if it had been true and if being near the two men brought that out in him now then he didn't want to see either again. He seemed to have no choice with one but he did have the opportunity to no longer be stuck between them should he cut off ties with Albus – going exactly against his wishes perhaps but also seeming to be the best thing in terms of Newt's attempts to move himself and those he cared for out of the line of fire. He may not be able to control Gellert's obsession over him, but he could remove the provocative catalyst that was Dumbledore from the equation at least in direct contact to himself.

He let his knees buckle and his feet slide out from under him, sinking to the ground to lay on his back with a long sigh, he pressed a shaking, scarred hand to his eyes again, holding them shut even as the images that played behind them slowly subsided into welcome blankness. The potion wouldn't make him sleep but might offer him a few hours of a blissfully blank mind before it all came back again. Newt knew deep down that it wasn't good to rely upon the potion as he had for the last week to abate the troubling tide of thoughts and recollections – the sensations that weaved their way across his skin like the webbing had across Gellert's and burning just as much. He hoped that Albus had left. Newt knew he would have to move again in order to garner even a little peace before whenever Gellert next insisted upon visiting but in that moment as he lay there on the worn boards of his hut, couldn't gather up the strength to go back outside to check if his apparation would go unnoticed. So instead he lay, staring up the little square if grey light that shone around the edges of the case entrance and let all else blur out of his notice.

Newt felt as though he were being cocooned too. In a way that was different from those strands that had ensnared Gellert so – it felt like the blankness that fused his brain into nothingness was being joined by twining webs of purpose that wrapped around his numbed limbs and wove in-between them, joining him to the gaps that ran through the floorboards beneath. He was being melded into the dead wood – something that had once held so much life and even attracted the presence and loyalty of Bowtruckles – but now served no more purpose than to be used. He already was. Already had been used. Hollowed out and carved for a new purpose - the craftsman deciding that purpose for him.

Why try to change that now?

A/N – Heyo chaps! Hope the first instalment was okay – it felt off to me and took about a million rewrites and alternatives to decide upon where to start…so I decided to go chronologically…well mostly. I'd like to extend a special thank you to all who reviewed with ideas and also to Vindsie/ Vins for the Tumblr chat advice – it's been a real help. Feedback is carved and appreciated greatly as per usual!