A/N: While I'm not going to give away too many details, this is obviously an AU story about Darth Vader and Padmé Amidala in an alternate timeline, so ages and situations will be completely different from the movies. There is going to be mature content with explicit adult situations, domestic abuse, language, and mental health issues. It's going to be fairly dark, but there'll be plenty of romance and angst as the story progresses.
Padmé Naberrie Amidala turned her bleary eyes away from the window as Dormé sat mug of Chandrilan tea on her the desk in her office at the Senate. She had been caught up in a memory of a time that had long since passed, one where the galaxy was ruled by democracy of the Republic, rather than the dictatorship of the Galactic Empire.
As dreadful as it may seem to some, the resplendent Senator had fallen into crippling bouts of depression when Emperor Palpatine had astoundingly declared himself as the despot of the galaxy. At nearly twenty eight years of age, the woman was reliant on a dreadful number of pills to even come close to the resemblance of a productive adult. How she had continuously been elected by the gentle people of Naboo was simply beyond the woman's understanding. It seemed as though she was nothing more to the people than a pleasing remembrance of a better time, one before the literal megalomaniac that also was birthed from their bejeweled world came to power.
If it was up to her, she would've renounced her position as Senator from Naboo when the Empire had thrust itself upon the galaxy seven years ago, but continued prodding's from her darling family kept her from shirking her duty to the precious people. Instead, she was forced to grace her fellow Senators day in and day out, voting on the same dribble until it was nauseating. The Senate didn't vote on legislation of substance anymore, they didn't vote on ways to actually benefit the downtrodden of the galaxy, no, they voted on whatever petty items that Palpatine desired.
For a time, her existence was fueled with a purpose by her participation in the movement daftly named the Rebellion, but after countless defeats by a mysterious man named Darth Vader, most of the high ranking members that Padmé had access to went underground like rats. Smaller figures in the Rebellion would come scurrying out of their hiding places from time to time to target inconsequential targets of the Imperial Military, only to be squashed under Vader's boot. Hell, there wasn't a point of trying to fight the Empire anymore. The people had learned that the best way to endure was to lay back and take the kriffing up the ass. That would at least allow people to live, albeit in servitude.
"Padmé, your tea is going to get chilled if you don't drink it", Dormé encouraged gently. "Come on then, just a sip will help you feel a little better." The sweetheart was ever faithful, but even she should realize that she was serving a lost cause.
"Didn't you just set it down?", Padmé asked in annoyance. If there was one thing she despised almost as much as the Empire, it was being pulled from her melancholy. It was the one constant in her life, the one thing that she knew wouldn't let her down. It was always there.
"No, Milady, I left it there about ten minutes ago. Should I get you something else? Maybe a cup of caff?", Dormé asked, ever eager to dote upon her friend.
Padmé's eyes widened in shock. For fuck's sake, she'd lost ten minutes of time. Normally she only lost a minute or two at the very most, making this unsettling enough to for her want to check her medications. She picked the mug up and took a sip which caused her to frown in disgust. The damned tea was lukewarm. A few years ago, she wouldn't give a sip of lukewarm tea a moment's notice but seeing how her life had turned to absolute shit, a her gods damned tea had better be hot
Thankfully, Dormé noticed the frown. "I'm sorry, Milady, I'll pour you a fresh mug." As the faithful handmaiden poured another mug of tea, she dutifully reminded her of another thing that she somehow looked forward to. "Will you be seeing Senator Clovis tonight, Milady?" This caused Padmé's eyes to perk up. Rush Clovis was her on again, off again boyfriend over the last few years. Gods, has it really been that long? While she took a small amount of pleasure from their trysts and even found the man amusing enough to elicit a chuckle from her, she bore no true feelings of love for him, even though he professed his love for her nearly every time they were in a state of post coital bliss. Dreadful. There was nothing worse the man could do than to sully their evenings with such nonsense than to be told that he loved her.
It wasn't that Padmé wasn't fond of the man, she was in a peculiar sort of way, it was that she didn't love him. Sure, he was charming, funny, and attractive in his own sort of way; she just didn't find that warm and fuzzy feeling that everyone she'd known that had actually been in love had told her about. Her mother of all people was constantly on her ass about when the family would finally get to meet the man every time she went home to Naboo, but she did not dare sully the one place in the galaxy where she truly felt happy with the Rush's presence. She'd rather bring home Darth fucking Vader, which of course wasn't even remotely a possibility.
Hell, the few times she'd actually seen the aberration he'd always been clothed in a black leather tunic and black robes, his face always obscured from vision by that blasted hood of his. She'd only known it was him the first time as one of those mindless Stormtroopers had addressed him by his name and title, that and the damned lightsaber that had been visible on his utility belt. The man always marched around with military precision, his pants were even expertly bloused into his calf high leather boots and his hands clad in black leather gloves. Why the man always had a penchant for dressing himself in such a way was beyond reason to the Senator. She supposed it was his way of being macabre, not that he needed any help in that regard. She rolled her eyes at the pomposity of the Sith Lord.
As ridiculous as the man's manner of dress was, her heart always froze when she heard rumors about how he would kill indiscriminately no matter if the victims were men, women, or children; but they'd always been rumors. There were never any bodies to use as evidence of the man's fiendish crimes against the galaxy, but she figured that if he was Palpatine's second in command, then he was probably just as if not eviler than the wrinkled old bastard was.
"Milady?", Dormé asked again. If there was anything that Padmé despised it was being asked too many questions. Could she not have a moment of peace while she mused about her wretched existence? Surely, it wouldn't be too much to ask.
"Yes, Dormé, what is it?", Padmé asked brusquely as she turned towards the handmaiden. "I see that you brought me more tea, thank you for that." She might as well not be a complete bitch towards her handmaiden, she was her only real friend on this glimmering cesspool of a planet.
"Milady, I'd asked you if you were going to see Senator Clovis this evening and you didn't answer", Dormé said with a level of concern that was unusual even for her. Fuck, she'd lost more time again.
Padmé felt her cheeks blush in embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Dormé, I was lost in thought." She gave a mirthless laugh as if to play off the incident, but both women knew that she was full of shit. "Yes, I believe that we're going to go to the opera house tonight. There's a supposedly a new showing that Rush is figuratively dying for me to see, which means I'll probably literally want to die when it's over." Nothing truer could be said, the man had an insufferable ability to choose the worst performances to bring her to. "I sometimes wonder if he has a tart on the side to take to the showings that are actually worth a damn."
Her vicious comment made her handmaiden frown. "I don't understand why you continue to see the Senator Clovis if you are so unhappy with the things that he tries to do for you. If you're so unimpressed with him, perhaps you should consider seeing someone who can actually make you content, Milady." Bless her heart, Dormé actually assumed that there was another man who would want to date her.
"Well, he isn't entirely bad, Dormé. He can be funny and he's also nice in bed I suppose, but that's probably only because I have decent tits and a perky ass." Rush was too nice in fact. While Padmé didn't mind gentleness, sometimes she craved something a little bolder. Something that could make her heart pound like she was alive again. Rush also had an infuriatingly bad habit of finishing before she did, which irked her to no end. Sure, she was attractive, but that wasn't a reason for him to be taking his shot before the target was ready.
"Of course, Milady. I suppose that those are good reasons. I just am holding out that you'll find someone who you'll actually love", Dormé said with no small amount of heartbreak in her voice, which made Padmé's nostrils flare to the point where she had to bite back a withering response. If there was one thing that Padmé did not like it was pity. While she was fully capable of feeling the emotion herself, she didn't want another soul to feel it for her. No doubt this was fueled by her depression, she knew that people thought of her as a weak woman as it was, she didn't need to feel even weaker by someone daring to feel sorry for her.
"I'm afraid that simply just isn't in the cards, Dormé. I'm twenty seven, nearly twenty eight years old, my chances of me finding a willing man to let me even try and fall in love with are about as great as Palpatine abdicating from the throne. It isn't going to happen." The only person that had come close to professing love for her was long since dead, no thanks to the inept fools that were the Jedi.
Ah, yes, the Jedi. The blundering idiots had failed to see Palpatine's rise to power and had been since long snuffed out after the Emperor used the Clone Army to all but eradicate them. Of course, there were several prominent Jedi that had managed to escape and join the Rebellion, but even they had scurried away like rats when Darth Vader had been unleashed upon the galaxy several years back. Needless to say, Padmé had no love for the Jedi. To her the Jedi and the Sith were one in the same. It wasn't that just that, she had a rudimentary knowledge of both cults, it was they both had caused irreparable harm to both her and the galaxy with their petty squabbling.
"Milady, you shouldn't talk like that. Yes, you're twenty seven years old, but that's still quite young for galactic standards. You're still very beautiful and have much to offer a man. You just need to get out more and meet new men to at least try. I know that seems difficult with your ailments, but you never know who you might meet. It could be the best thing for you." Dormé was growing more concerned with Padmé's situation by the day. While she still ate and exercised in the appropriate amounts, her disdain for all things pleasurable, save for Senator Clovis' performances, were only making her depression worse.
"Dormé, while I appreciate your insight into what could make my life better, I simply haven't the time for such things. I'm taxed at work enough to where I'm entirely exhausted at the end of the day. I've barely the strength to go to the horrendous plays that Rush seems to think that I'll enjoy and at the end of the evening, all I want to do is have a quick roll in the hay and be done with the man. There isn't much room left for going on dates with strangers when I can settle for the second string. Surely, you can see it my way."
"Milady –", Dormé began, hoping to continue the discussion but Padmé raised her hand sharply cutting the woman off. The handmaiden knew that when the Senator resorted to such a crude method of silencing her, the conversation was over. Done. "Forgive me, I'm sorry."
Padmé resisted the urge to roll her eyes at the apology. "No, you're not, Dormé, if you were sorry you wouldn't keep trying to make my life better than it is", she said softly. "I am the one who's sorry for being a royal bitch, and before you try and deny it, that's what I am. A royal bitch." At least she was able to be honest with herself. Her depression hadn't made her devoid of introspection and she rued the day when it would. She'd probably turn into some cackling hen, off her rocker and locked up in a sanitorium.
"Milady, when would you like to leave for Five Hundred Republica to change for the opera?", Dormé asked, completely sidestepping Padmé's eviscerating comments, which no one could certainly blame her.
"What time is it?" She was absolutely dreadful at keeping the time. Even if she was surrounded by chronos, she still had a horrendous inability to know what hour of the day it was. Pathetic.
"It's just after four thirty", Dormé replied wearily. Her handmaiden would grow tired of her when she was being especially insufferable, which was occurring more often than not these days. Sometimes Padmé wondered if the woman secretly fantasized about slapping the depression out of her, which might actually work.
"Four thirty? Why the kriff are we still here then? I can't wear this blasted dress to the opera, I'll be laughed out by every sentient being there, which will likely only be by the handful, but it's still the principal of the matter." She really didn't mean to sound like a snob, she just knew that there were there were those amongst the Senate and the press that would attempt to mock her over something as frivolous a wearing a work dress to the opera. "Let's get the hell out of this blasted excuse for a Senate and back to my apartment."
"As you wish, Milady."
Padmé and her handmaiden worked their way through the labyrinth of halls towards the parking area for her speeder when a large, cloaked figure suddenly stepped into their path from around a corner. The two women unflatteringly screeched to a halt. "Why don't you watch where the fuck –", Padmé began before she realized who exactly she had dared to begin to turn her scathing vocabulary to. The one and only Darth fucking Vader. Oh hell.
Lord Vader turned his head slowly to the Senator, like a big cat who just saw something to devour. Dormé wordlessly placed her hand on Padmé's shoulder, pulling the now petrified woman back to her in some vain attempt to protect Padmé from what would surely be her untimely demise.
The Senator and her handmaiden nearly jumped when they heard a deep voice emit from the Dark Lord. "Don't stop now, finish your sentence." The two women backed up, terrified that the aberration had spoken to them. Vader took a half a step towards them, which equaled to over a full step to the short Senator, causing Dormé to nearly faint and Padmé to let out a short gasp. "Nothing? How unoriginal", Vader mumbled. Without so much as a growl, the man turned on his heel and continued down the corridor, not sparing the pair another look, showing them how little he'd thought of the little incident.
"Milady", Dormé breathed. "We've got to get out of here." What a gigantic statement of the obvious. Both walked through the hallways at a grotesquely quick pace unfitting for a lady as if Vader would realize that he'd let a mere annoyance go unpunished and race to kill them.
After they reached the parking area, they practically leapt into Padmé's speeder and breathed a sigh of relief. Dormé placed her head in her hands and a soft sob escaped her lips, while Padmé's hands shook. The Senator looked at them and a small but distinct smile tugged at her lips. She felt alive, not in the sense that she'd just escaped death, but alive as in she hadn't felt so deliciously invigorated in years. It was like someone switched on a kriffing light in her mind and it felt marvelous.
"That was so gods damned amazing!", she screeched, causing her handmaiden to practically leap out of her seat in surprise and let out shout. Padmé turned to her and slapped her on the arm. "Come now, Dormé, that was an incredible once in a lifetime experience. How many people get to experience the absolute thrill of having annoyed a kriffing Sith Lord. I feel so alive I can practically hear color. Don't you feel it? Don't you feel your heart like it's about to explode out of your chest?" Her handmaiden was quite certainly unamused at what was in reality a deranged blathering.
Dormé shot her a withering glare. "Milady, while I'm glad to see that you have some spark back in your tone, I haven't doubted your sanity more than I have at this very moment. That was Lord Vader, he could've killed us for such an offense! Calling that a thrill is preposterous! I mean, what the shit Padmé!"
The Senator arched her eyebrow and gave her handmaiden a sly smirk. "While I understand you may be befuddled at my reaction; it is mine, and I won't let you squeeze the utter elation from my heart like a person would squeeze juice from a beet. Come on now, let's be off with us. I have a delightful tale to tell Rush, I'd like to see if he'll actually be jealous that another man acknowledged my presence or if he'll quiver like the pussy I suspect he truly is."
Dormé placed her hands back into her hands and groaned. Gods bless her.
…
As quickly as the aforementioned feeling of elation had graced Padmé with it's presence, it left her and she resumed her trifling existence. Fucking hell, she was disgusted with herself. Why the gods had cursed her was beyond her, and she absolutely detested herself.
"Milady, this looks like a suitable dress", her hand maiden said as she held up a strappy little number that would expose her back and an ample amount of her bosom. It'd make her look like an absolute slut, and she hadn't worn the thing in years. Kriff, what was her handmaiden thinking? Did the bitch really think that she wanted the trolls at the opera house to think she was Rush's bimbo?
"I think not, Dormé. That's entirely inappropriate for this evening. Find something that won't make me look like a tart, and shove that dreadful dress to the back of the closet." She wasn't about to throw the dress out. She might need it in the future, and it was made by one of the more talented dress makers on Coruscant, so it did hold somewhat of a sentimental value to the Senator.
"Yes, Milady", Dormé said with a sigh. She'd picked the dress as she'd thought Padmé would've wanted something to match her sudden burst of joy after surviving the encounter with the Dark Lord. Her lady's mood had darkened considerably within the span of a wink and she didn't know how to react to such a puzzling experience. She quickly stepped back into the massive closet and found another black dress. This one was more formal, and while it exposed the shoulders by only having a thin strap, it didn't show any cleavage or her lady's lovely legs. She stepped out of the closet and held the dress up. "Will this one do?"
Padmé glanced at the dress with an approving eye. "It will suffice, come on, let's be on with it." If anyone listened to how she treated the doting handmaiden, they'd think that she despised the servant, but it was far from the truth. She really did appreciate the little tart. In fact, she was her only friend that she could really talk to about most things. Why she remained in such a delightful mood all of the time was beyond Padmé's comprehension. It was probably all the cock she sucked when she took a night off.
The cold hearted Senator stripped out of her work attire unceremoniously, unabashed by the state of her undress in front of her handmaiden and snatched the dress from the woman's hands to put it on. After she had her gentle friend zip her up, she sat down to quickly fix her makeup. Why she went through the trouble for Rush Clovis was beyond her. Oh right, he was a decent lay. She couldn't believe she was that dependent on a man.
"Might I suggest that you put on a little more eye shadow, Milady?", Dormé asked in the most diplomatic tone she could muster. Padmé studied her features closely in the mirror. Shit, she had dark circles under her eyes. She never used to show her stress in her eyes. Once upon her time she could walk around without any makeup at all and still look like a ravishing beauty, now, she had to hide slight imperfections to appear like her former self.
"Great spot, Dormé. I can't walk around like this", she said as she carefully applied the eye shadow. "I suppose that Rush wouldn't want his self professed lover to look like she'd just got out of a fighting ring after ten rounds. Hell, he might look it though if this showing is going to be anything like what we normally see."
"Come now, Milady, let's not start the evening off like that. You know that will only make things awkward between you and Senator Clovis.", Dormé reminded her. "Let's not forget what happened the other week, you made the poor man so uncomfortable when you inadvertently let what you were thinking slip out."
"Please, things already are awkward every time he tells me he loves me", Padmé snapped. "You would think that after all this time he would take a hint. Tenacity is only attractive when it's a triumph over something that took heroism and grit. Telling me that he loves me is neither heroic or gritty, so he can either learn to accept that I don't love him, or he can find someone else to fuck."
She could tell that her handmaiden was becoming exasperated with her, so she changed the subject. "So, who are you going to see tonight, or do you not know yet?", She almost smirked when she saw her handmaiden blush.
"I'm just going to go to a club and see what happens", Dormé said in a tone that clearly indicated she was trying to play it off. As much as Padmé enjoyed making the woman squirm, she at least had an interesting sex life. "I won't be bringing anyone over if that's what you're worried about."
This time Padmé did smirk. "No, I would hope not. I still have the image of you bent over the counter burned into my retinas from a few months back. Tell me, what was that fellow's name? He certainly knew how to handle his business from what I saw."
"I'm not sure I remember what his name was, I was a little too drunk", Dormé admitted. "Besides, he wasn't that good, Milady. I've certainly had better."
"You tart! Don't rub your exquisite sexual deviancies in my face when all I have to look forward to are sweet caresses and premature ejaculations", Padmé exclaimed with a rare mirthful laugh.
Dormé giggled at that. "I wouldn't call it exquisite, Milady, just adventurous. I must say I'm glad to hear you laugh."
"Oh, bless your heart. You're the only one who can get me to laugh more than a chuckle, of which I am thankful for. It seems that growing up together does make a difference. How did I get to this point, Dormé?", Padmé asked as her brief moment of playfulness evaporated like it was never there. "How did I become so bitter and full of crippling depression?"
Dormé frowned. "It's because you cared about the galaxy, Milady. In fact, you still care", she said quietly. "You have always been a person with a passion about doing what is right and just, but the galaxy hasn't room for those things anymore. They're just left with cowards and evil men, just like that blasted Sith Lord we encountered today. I bet the fucker doesn't have an ounce of compassion in his dead heart, if he ever had one. Beasts like that only care about making others suffer, especially people like you."
Padmé had to grab a cloth to dab tears from her eyes so her makeup wouldn't run. Her friend was right. The galaxy was a vastly different place than it had been. In the blink of an eye, once honorable colleagues of hers just stopped caring and allowed Palpatine to usurp every democratic belief that they'd once had in the name of security and safety.
"I'm sorry, Milady, I didn't mean to make you cry", Dormé said as she choked up. She did love her friend, she always had. She hated seeing her in so much mental agony and wished there was something that she could do to ease her pain, but it was no use. Nothing the handmaiden could do would ever be enough to right the wrongs in her life. She just reached around Padmé and clutched her from behind.
After a few minutes, Padmé was finally able to get ahold of herself. "Thank you, Dormé. You're too good to me", she said as she turned around to hold her friend's hands. "Don't ever stop being you, I'd be lost without you. Friendship is what I really need, not a man. Men always disappoint me, they're never a lifeline or something that can save me from my plunge into despair. I'm not sure there's a man alive that could be that heroic."
"I do it because I care about you, Padmé. I always have and I always will", Dormé replied in a soothing voice. "Now, let's get you ready to be off. I'll be sure to make myself scarce until morning."
Padmé smirked. "Do be sure to have some fun for the both of us, you little hussy", she said as she stood up to give her friend a kiss on the cheek and a hug.
…
Padmé stood with her arms folded in front of her as she waited outside of the opera. Rush was late, considerably late. It wouldn't have bothered her, but the showing was about to start, and she despised missing the opening of a performance. It made it difficult for her to appreciate whatever the story was about by not knowing what the entire premise was.
Maybe she was also a little miffed that the man who supposedly loved her would dare make her wait without so much as an attempt to reach her over the comm. All it would've taken was a simple notification and an explanation as to why he was running behind. Padmé would've simply said it would be fine and that they could either reschedule or find something else to do with their time. The bastard.
She let her mind wonder about what Dormé had told her. She really had become a cold hearted bitch ever since the galaxy had fallen and had even been more devastated once the Rebellion and the Jedi abandoned everyone to live under a life of tyranny. She looked back at her excitement over her encounter with Lord Vader with disgust. She felt complete contempt for the man and should've spat at his face, even if it meant her death. She would've at least died doing something of note. Something that could've possibly rallied the people into disobedience. Oh, who was she kidding, no one would've noticed, and no one would've cared.
There were times she'd picked up her blaster and had contemplated ending it all, but as attractive of an idea that it always seemed at the time, she was unable to do it. She couldn't pull the trigger as a small part of her medicated brain would always tell her not to abandon hope. What nonsense. There was no hope left in the galaxy.
Finally, she saw her date in the sea of people that passed by the steps of the opera. Her self proclaimed knight in shining armor. Rush wasn't a particularly tall man, but he wasn't short either. His high cheekbones were paired well with his dark hair and it was always simple enough to spot him amongst the crowded walkways on Coruscant.
Let's see what excuse the man would have this time. Let's have him admit he was fucking another woman and couldn't remember the time of their show. It'd be far greater of an act of kindness if Padmé could rationalize the man's tardiness.
"Padmé", Rush called out. "I'm so sorry I'm late, I got hung up at the Senate working on the spending bill for the additions to the Navy's Starfleet", Rush said as he bent down to kiss her. Padmé quickly turned her head to where Rush was forced to kiss her cheek.
"Next time pick up the comm and tell me you're going to be late, Rush. You know how much I deplore walking into the opera late. Come on, let's get to it then", Padmé said as she turned to walk into the opera house, not looking back to see if Rush was following her. The man could sulk all he wanted, there wasn't a thing he could do or say to keep Padmé waiting outside another moment.
"I'm sorry, Padmé, you're right I should've called", Rush said as he caught up to her. "Please, let's forget it and move on with our evening. I'd like to get us back on the right track and I'm sure it'll help once you hear the opera tonight. I heard this performance is about a long lost love, something I think even you would enjoy."
Padmé bit back a retort. The man knew nothing about long lost loves. He didn't know what it was like to have someone taken away from him without so much as a warning. It was a feeling that could and had happened to her, but she was in no mood to have that discussion with her fellow senator at the moment.
"It had better be, Rush, or you shouldn't expect a different kind of performance later this evening", Padmé replied with pure ice in her tone. "And you'd better not leave me waiting like that again." She'd half the mind to end it right there but withheld her tongue. It'd be something that she would truly regret in the morning. Wouldn't she? For kriff's sake, she didn't know and didn't particularly want to find out.
"Of course, my love, please forgive me", Rush pleaded. How she hated when he pleaded, it was a sign of desperation that made her feel uneasy.
"Fine, let's just get on with our evening", Padmé said as she easily sidestepped Rush's profession of love. The nerve of the man to think she would swoon into his arms by his adamant use of that four lettered word that she was convinced he knew nothing about.
The couple went to Padmé's box and were seated by the opera staff just before the curtains opened. A lovely looking young woman, dressed in white robes began singing. She surprisingly had an excellent voice and began her tale of a true love that was taken from her long ago. As the performance continued, the young woman sung about how when they were reunited, her love had changed into someone that she couldn't even recognize and at first couldn't find the ability to love him given his staunchly different personality than what she'd previously known. It was disturbingly touching and Padmé found herself pulling a neckerchief from her designer clutch to dab at her eyes. Rush took this as a sign to put his arm around her, which made Padmé subtly roll her eyes.
As the opera progressed, the young woman began to sing about how the man risked everything to save her from herself, which caused the woman to become conflicted in her feelings. She was still repulsed by who he was, but the action had her thinking about how maybe it wouldn't be a terrible thing to at least forgive him for becoming a different person, but that even if she did forgive him, she certainly would never love him again.
The intermission began and Padmé and Rush proceeded into the main hall to idly strike up small talk with other people of importance, which bored the absolute shit out of the young Senator.
"I dare say that this is one of the best operas that I've seen in quite some time", Senator Allura of Caamas said in a truly pompous tone. "I believe that I'll have to become acquainted with the young artist once her performance has concluded. I'm sure she would be a great pleasure in knowing."
The old lecherous pig, Padmé thought. He'd rather find some innocent plaything to stick his cock into instead of attending the Senate when it was in session for a vote. He mysteriously would always fall ill with some affliction that no one else had ever seemed to have heard of. It quite possibly could by syphilis given how decrepit his mind had become since Padmé had first met him. Nothing would give her more pleasure than to see the man die of whatever disease he'd contracted with his presumably tiny cock.
"Yes, I'm sure it would be a great joy", Rush said with no small amount of jealousy in his voice. Did the man forget that she was standing right next to him, or was he too stupid to care? What an asshole. If Padmé wasn't in the mood for a decent fuck later in the evening, she would've thrown her champagne in his face and stomped off. What a bastard he was to have realized that he was the only constant thing in her life so that he could run his mouth into the ground without consequence.
"I'm sure the young woman will most certainly be busy after her performance", Padmé said. "Certainly she has some young gentleman that she'd rather get to know. Someone with virility." It was a thinly veiled insult and Senator Allura scowled at her, to which Padmé simply smiled sweetly in return. She may be a cold hearted bitch, but she was a bitch that knew how to strike a man where he'd hurt the most.
Rush looked at her with a gaping mouth at her acidity. She usually played nice in front of the man, but the Senator from Caamas deserved the scorching insult. Padmé looked at him and daintily ran her hand down his arm, knowing that slight bit of public display of affection would lull him back into his state of desire to bed her once the evening was over. He gave her a devious smile that made Padmé want to slap off his face.
"Darling, I believe the intermission is over. Let's make our way back to my box", Padmé said. She put great inflection on the fact that the box belonged to her and that Rush lacked the connections to be able to secure one himself.
He offered her his arm, which Padmé begrudgingly took and he escorted her back inside of the theatre for the remainder of the performance. She had to give it to the man, he'd finally picked a performance that was actually good.
"You embarrassed me with Senator Allura, Padmé", he said quietly.
"Rush, I wasn't about to stand idly by while the two of you engaged in locker room talk", she responded sharply. "I heard the tone of your voice. You were jealous of that old man's lust for the performer, so don't even try and deny it." Padmé let go of Rush's arm, signaling that he was annoying her.
"It was just harmless banter, Padmé now take my arm", Rush said with a hint of urgency in his voice. "People are looking at us, it isn't proper for a man to be escorting his date without having her on his arm."
Padmé's eyes hardened. "How quaint, Rush. First, people are staring because they know what a bitch I am, and second, I'm not going to be paraded around by some outworn custom."
Without saying a word, Rush reached down and grasped Padmé's hand firmly. She widened her eyes at the man's overtness. He'd never acted this way before, and a quiet voice in the back of her mind told her not to press the matter further. Maybe this was him finally growing some balls. It could be a good thing.
Setting aside her date's unfamiliar behavior, the remainder of the performance was just as marvelous as the beginning. The woman sung about how her former love was able to find some good in his heart and remember the man that he once was, but the woman was still weary of his change of heart. He continued to try and prove himself to her and she finally relented, and allowed him back into her life. At the conclusion, Padmé shot to her feet to give a standing ovation.
Rush joined her a few seconds too late and Padmé wondered if he'd been bothered by the performance as something seemed off to her. He had been the one to suggest that they attend this performance, not her. It was odd to her that he'd behave in such a deplorable fashion but chalked it up to him being horny and wanting to spirit her back to her apartment for some gentle of a fuck.
"Well then", he said slyly. "I suppose we'd better retire for the evening."
"You're quite right, Rush. Let's go back to my place, I've found a sudden need to continue the performance", Padmé said dryly.
…
After they arrived at Padmé's apartment, she poured themselves a glass of Nubian brandy, her favorite liquor and headed straight to the bedroom. There was never any need for foreplay. They both knew what was about to happen and Padmé found herself in a state of eagerness just as she'd had countless times before.
"Oh, I forgot to tell you that Dormé and I had a bit of a fright today", Padmé said in her best nonchalant tone.
Rush looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "What kind of fright?"
"Well, we were walking through the hallway and out of nowhere, Darth Vader appeared in our path. I nearly gave him an ass chewing for being so rude, but then I realized who it was." She chuckled. "He looked at us like he wanted to kill us before he went on his way."
"Padmé, that's serious. He's a fiend and shouldn't be taken lightly, although if he had touched you he would've had to deal with me", Rush said as he pointed to his puffed out chest. How cute, the man thought he'd actually be able to stand up to the Dark Lord.
"I'm sure you would've handled it well, darling", Padmé said with an exaggerated eye roll. "He would've sliced you to bits with his lightsaber. Now enough of that talk, let's go to the bedroom", she continued, ignoring the look of hurt on Rush's face. She wasn't about to kiss his ass and pretend that he was some brave soldier ready to fight on a battlefield.
Once they were in her bedroom, she sipped her drink and eyed Rush as he took off his tunic and pants. "I suppose you'd better unzip me", she said in a mockingly serious tone. "We'd better get on with this."
Rush was more than happy to comply and Padmé shucked herself out of the dress, surprising Rush that she hadn't worn any undergarments beneath her dress. She downed her drink and sauntered up to him, enjoying the look he gave her as he his eyes wondered over her figure. She placed her hand behind his head and pulled him into a ravenous kiss, trying to coax him into being a little more spirited this evening, hoping that his assertiveness at the opera would translate into their current encounter.
It didn't work. He pulled back and gave gentle kisses to her neck and then Padmé pushed him back so she could go lie down on the bed. She dutifully opened her legs so Rush could climb in between them, which he did. He continued his gentle kisses on her lips and neck before he eased himself into her. Padmé let loose an involuntary moan and he began to gently push himself in and out of her, murmuring sweet nothings into her ear.
She bucked her hips against his, gasping to let him know that he was hitting the right spot with his average cock. He moaned at the sensation and tenderly grasped her breast, which elicited a sensual whimper from her.
"Oh, Rush", she whispered. "Keep that up, please last a little longer."
It was no use. After another minute, he emptied himself inside of her with a great groan, leaving Padmé at the cusp of an orgasm.
Fucking hell, she thought bitterly. The man simply couldn't hold himself off for another few minutes as usual.
"Rush, I was almost ready, next time I'd better cum or I'll fi-"
He forcefully pressed his finger to her lips, shushing her. "I'm sorry, Padmé. I just love you so much, I can't seem to hold myself off."
There it was the profession of love. And what the hell, he'd never shushed her in such a manner, which confused Padmé. "Rush, you have to stop saying such things, it makes me uncomfortable. I'd always thought that our relationship was enough without all of that nonsense."
"I'm not going to lose hope, Padmé. You'll see eventually, I just know it", he said with an irritated sigh as he stood up to tug his pants back one. At least he had learned to leave after his meek performance, so she didn't have to make an excuse as to why he couldn't stay the night with her. There was decency in his actions.
"I'm going to see you again this week", Rush stated as if it were a fact. The nerve of the man, he knew that the trysts were only twice a week and he just had his second romp. He was done with her until the next week, no exceptions.
"Rush, I'm going to be quite busy for the rest of the week, darling. I will see you next week", Padmé said annoyed at ludicrous idea of him unilaterally changing the nature of their relationship.
He grunted as he pulled his shoes on. "No, I think it's best if we increase the amount of time, we spend with one another. It'll help things." There was no hesitance in his voice, he'd made his mind up.
The uneasiness creeped back into Padmé's mind, which was countered by a cloud of her rising depression. She needed to take her evening medicine. Maybe that was the problem. She might be misconstruing Rush's actions due to her illness. That had to be it.
"Whatever, Rush. I'm not going to argue about it now", Padmé said murkily. "I need to take a shower, so I'll let you see yourself out."
She let the man give her a peck on the lips and watched him as he exited her bedroom. After letting loose a great sign of melancholy, she went to the fresher and turned the water on to an almost scathingly hot temperature.
Padmé took her time in the shower, being sure to clean herself from the reminder of their intercourse and began to wash her luxurious har. The chestnut locks always got tangled and took some time to undo. While she was frustrated that she didn't reach her own climax, she was too proud or maybe too exhausted to do anything about it now.
After she finished washing, she toweled off and finished her nightly routine before slipping on a comfortable gown. Padmé walked to her armoire, pulling out the drawer full of her undergarments. She fished out her evening pill bottles and took her second dose of anti-depressant medication along with a few other bottles including a sedative for anxiety and sleep. Once she tapped the pills in her hand, she went to the kitchen to fetch a glass of water and took all four pills in a single swallow.
Padmé knelt over the counter and placed her face in her hands as she waited for the sedative to kick in. A splendid waive of relaxation washed over her as she entered into a state of chemical bliss. Nothing mattered, no one mattered. She could just forget all her troubles for the night and just drift away to sleep. She returned to her bedroom and closed the drawer that held her dreadful secret.
No one else aside from her private physician and Dormé knew that she was taking the medication and she'd gone great lengths to ensure that it remained that way. It was a weakness, a burden, and an embarrassment. She used to be a proud woman, a woman of action and adventure. Now she was just a mad fool that played in Palpatine's puppet show. Dreadful.
She pulled back the covers and slipped between the sheets, allowing herself to fall into a slumber.
…
After a full day of work the next day, Padmé was struggling to figure out how to avoid Rush in the evening. When she had awoke, she recalled how unsettlingly forceful he'd sounded when he all but promised that they would see each other again. She didn't know if he meant tonight or another night before the week's end, but she didn't care. She would not allow the man, who seemed to have just now found his balls, dictate the terms of their relationship.
"Maybe a nice stroll down the walkways would do the trick, Milady", Dormé said as she sat across from Padmé. "It's rather nice outside today and the fresh air might be what you need."
Padmé huffed and rubbed her temples. "No, Rush would probably see me if I walked near the Senate or my apartment, so that's out of the question. I need a place where he can't find me, a place where I can idly pass the time without becoming incessantly bored." She needed to think of something soon as it was half past five in the afternoon. Rush was apparently in another budgetary meeting that would surely be over by six, and the last thing that Padmé wanted was a confrontation in her office. It would absolutely humiliate her if her moronic colleagues observed her in a domestic dispute.
"We could go for a long drive", Dormé suggested. "We could loop around the Entertainment District, that would certainly kill some time."
"No, I don't intend to keep you occupied all evening, you deserve to have a life of your own. Besides, I despise the traffic more than I'm currently despising Rush, so that idea is also not going to work." It was no use, Padmé was doomed to spend another night with the man. She was shocked with herself for not having been able to crush the idea before Rush had left her apartment the previous evening. She was used to crushing people, it was what she did. Why of all evenings did she decide to act like a frightened school girl was beyond her.
"I know! You could go to the roof, there's a splendid view and nobody ever goes up there, it's a perfect place to spend a few hours while you avoid the Senator, Milady", Dormé gushed as if she'd just discovered how to prevent death.
"And how would you know that no one goes up to the roof, Dormé?", Padmé asked with a raised eyebrow.
Dormé froze with wide eyes, knowing that she'd been caught. "Let's just say it's a good place for a midday rendezvous."
Padmé groaned and shook her head. "How you managed to have men from all over Coruscant lining up to give you a good pounding is beyond me, my sweet friend." Seriously, how the fuck did she do it? "I suppose that I'll watch the sunset. It might help me to do some meditation anyway."
"That's the spirit, Milady. I'm sure you'll find some peace up there, the sunsets on Coruscant are always quite lovely." It would certainly do her lady good to be out of her apartment more a couple of evenings a week when she met the Senator and Dormé was pleased with herself for being able to suggest something that Padmé was agreeable to.
"Very well, I guess you'd better be off. Try not to make too much noise when you come back home in the wee hours of the morning, my dear", Padmé said as she gave her friend a gentle hug. "And don't you ever stop being you, I need to live vicariously through someone else's life."
With that, her friend was off and Padmé sat back in her chair waiting for the right moment to find her way to the flat rooftop of the Senate.
…
It was well past six when Padmé had finally figured out which flight of stairs would take her to the roof, and she cursed the heels that she'd chosen to wear that morning as it took nearly five flights of stairs to reach the top.
She exited the access hub and breathed the fresh air in a sigh of relief. Her work attire was stuffy and the horrendously stale air in the staircase made her break a small sweat. She'd forego her cardio routine the next day as she knew her feet would be aching from the punishment she had just put them through.
Her friend was right, there was no one there that she could see in the glare of the sunset, and the view was superb. She looked for someplace to sit to where she could gaze at the sunset and saw a perfect little perch atop a large pipe that ran the length of the western side of the building.
After sitting on the perch, she breathed in deeply as she tried to catch her breath from the climb. A gentle breeze refreshed her, and she surprisingly found the experience to be peaceful. That was odd, she hadn't felt that in a longtime, a very longtime indeed. Padmé was always fretting about the galaxy or her miserable existence that she never thought to take some time to just enjoy a sunset. She would have to do this more often; it would add some variety in her week and might break her habit of holing herself up in her apartment. It was absolutely divine.
The sun got even lower and Padmé glanced at her wrist chrono and saw that it was after seven. The once harsh glare of the sun was gone, and the sky was painted in brilliant oranges and reds. A strong wind picked up out of the west and she turned her head to the right to keep it out of her eyes when she froze. There was a man sitting on the same very pipe a few hundred feet away. She looked behind him and saw another access port that he must've used, which is why she didn't notice him in addition to the glare form earlier. Kriffing hell.
What the hell, she thought. Might as well strike up a conversation, it would be weird if he noticed her and caught her staring at him. She momentarily grumbled about the loss of peacefulness by the intruder, but figured it was entirely possible that he'd been the one to first to claim his own seat to watch the brilliant sunset.
She stepped gently towards the man, not wanting to startle him. When she was about twenty feet away from him, she just how gods damned gorgeous he was, even if his eyes were closed. His dark blonde hair was long and wavey and the skin on his hands and face looked deeply tanned. His jawline was a fucking masterpiece and he appeared tall and strong. Well, she certainly could've done worse for herself. Though it was odd that she didn't recognize him. Having been a Senator since she was eighteen, she knew almost everyone who came to the blasted building, and he was dressed too simply to be a dignitary. Just a plain, black cloak which he had tightly wrapped around himself.
"Excuse me, I'm sorry, but I just wanted to say hello", she said in the friendliest tone she could muster. She was an icy bitch, but she was also a politician. The man oddly stiffened and his eyes opened. For an instant, Padmé thought the man would bolt. "It appears that we had similar ideas, I hope I am not intruding."
The man continued to stare straight ahead but spoke in a strangely familiar voice. "It looks that way." His tone was hard, but not overtly so. He didn't say anything else and Padmé felt oddly uncomfortable all the sudden, like she'd wronged the man by simply saying hello.
She felt like pushing the boundaries a little more as she still had more time to kill. "I don't believe we've met before, I'm Padmé." What an idiotic line, surely, she could've thought a better way to introduce herself to the work of art in front of her. She felt a sudden twinge of embarrassment.
The man let loose a sigh, and Padmé couldn't decide if he was annoyed or angered. "I'm sorry for intruding, I was just looking for a spot to avoid someone and had thought that I'd come up here. I'll leave you be and go back inside."
"Why?", the man asked suddenly, and this time Padmé did detect a note of irritation.
Padmé frowned, not knowing what the man was asking. Why was she sorry? Why was she avoiding someone? Why would she go back downstairs? "What?" Again, stupid. Think before you speak, dammit, she swore to herself.
"Why would you go back downstairs if you're trying to avoid someone?" So, he did know how to speak a sentence. That was encouraging, but his voice was still irritated and seemed a bit dark. He still didn't look towards her, which made her feel self conscious about her looks.
"Well, I didn't know if I was being a bother and figured I'd let you enjoy the sunset", Padmé said, finally able to say something that didn't make her look like a rube.
"You might as well stay, then", the man's voice rumbled. "Stalking is outlawed, you should report it to someone given your station as a Senator."
What the actual fuck? How did this mysterious man know who she was without even turning to glance at her? "How do you know that I'm a Senator?" Padmé asked, briefly snapping back to her cold persona.
The man actually had the stones to roll his eyes at her. "You said your name was Padmé. There's a Senator who works at the very building that we're on who's named Padmé Amidala. There's your answer."
Kriff.
There was a word to describe how she felt at that moment. Humiliation. Pure, and unadulterated humiliation. "I'm sorry, have we met?", she asked feigning a cheerful tone. Padmé was determined to get to know this mysterious man, regardless of his irritation.
"You wouldn't remember me", he said with a shrug.
Now this was interesting. She most certainly would have remembered this dashingly handsome man, even if it were only for a brief moment. "Do you mind if I sit?", she asked. "These dreadful heels are painful."
The man closed his eyes for a few seconds and Padmé could feel something stronger than irritation pulsing off his aura, but that wasn't her fault. He did tell her that she could stay, so asking if she could sit down shouldn't be too great of a bother. "You can sit", he said in stern voice, but not as irritated it had been.
Padmé sat down in the daintiest way that she could muster, eager to right her earlier clumsiness when she introduced herself. Normally she wouldn't have given a shit, but for some strange reason, she felt drawn to whoever this person was. After forcing herself to take a deep breath, she looked at the sunset for a moment, feeling oddly at peace again.
"Who is stalking you?", he asked suddenly which almost made Padmé jump out of her skin.
After a moment, she caught her breath and looked at him, half expecting that he'd be looking at her. He wasn't, he was still staring straight forward like a statue. "I'm sorry?"
He rolled his eyes for a second time, which slightly irked the Senator. "You said you were avoiding someone. I asked who was stalking you."
The feeling of burning in her cheeks indicated she was most definitely blushing, and Padmé hadn't blushed in a long time. "Well, he's not exactly a stalker in the traditional sense. He's a man that I'm –", Padmé hesitated. She didn't want to make herself appear off the market, but she also didn't want to lie. "He's a man that I've been seeing, but he's starting to get a little possessive." More like being an asshole, the prick.
Padmé nearly jumped again when she heard the man snort. "Doesn't sound like a person you should be seeing then." There was the fucking truth.
She looked down and ran her fingertips over the smooth pipe. "Probably not, but I don't really have any options at the moment", she softly. What the hell was she doing? Certainly, she just didn't just say that aloud. It wasn't any this person's business who the kriff she was seeing or what her options were.
"And why is that?", he asked, his voice softening. That was progress. The man actually seemed to want to know. Everything in her screamed not to tell him anything, but she did anyway.
"I'm not the easiest person to be around. I tend to have a mean streak in me that most find off putting", she said as she looked back at the sunset. "Sometimes I just can't help myself, it's like that's who I really am."
"You and I have something in common then", he said as his tone hardened ever so slightly.
Padmé looked up at him sharply, waiting for him to continue, but he didn't. "Why do you say that?" She had to figure out what made this man tick. "You don't seem to be a stone cold bitch like I am", she said with a nervous chuckle.
"No one has ever called me a bitch, but I have been called cold before, and the ones who said it were probably right", he said as his voice hardened even more. Padmé felt like he was withdrawing into his shell again and desperately wanted to prevent him from doing so any further.
"You don't seem like you're a cold person. Irritable is more like it, but not cold", she said as she looked at him, hoping that he would react. Gods dammit, she wanted to run her hands through his lovely hair. The bastard was making her feel things she hadn't felt in a considerable amount of time.
He actually smirked at what she said or at least that's what it looked life from the side. He still refused to turn his head towards her. "Most people wouldn't dare to call me irritable. You should feel proud of yourself, Senator Amidala."
"Oh, I'm sure they're at least thinking it." Fuck don't insult the man. "I mean, I don't –"
"It's alright, Senator", the man huffed. "I don't get offended easily."
Padmé mutely nodded She decided to twist things up a bit, just to get them on another topic. "So, you really do have me at a disadvantage. You obviously know who I am, but I still don't know who you are, even though you alluded to the fact that we've met before."
He sighed again and rubbed his eyes. "If you knew who I was then you wouldn't be speaking to me."
"Oh, come on. I told you some things about myself, the least you could do is share your name with me." It wasn't such a large ask, it was maybe her being nosey, but that was it. Being nosey wasn't a kriffing crime.
The man began to stand. "No, please don't leave. You don't have to tell me your name, I was just curious." What the shit, she didn't tell people not to leave. She told them when they should leave.
The man nodded and sat back down on the pipe. There were a few awkward moments of silence between them before he spoke again. "Tell me, Senator Amidala. Don't you have other more interesting people to speak to?" She lost him, she ruefully thought. A man she was open to speaking to had closed up almost entirely.
"I just wanted to get to know you is all", she said as she felt a few tears run down her face. "I'm living in absolute hell, and aside from my handmaid, I'm alone. So, completely and utterly alone." She felt like sobbing into the man's shoulder, she needed someone to help her with the mental agony she was in every single day.
"Again, we share something in common", the man said with no small amount of bitterness in his voice. "You have a choice in what you do with your life. I don't." Well, that was a devastating piece of information. The man seemed hurt deeply by something. She couldn't even begin to guess what it was, but he seemed so dark.
Padmé didn't respond, she just looked at the sunset, not wanting to provoke the man any further than she'd already had. Life was a coldhearted bitch, and he appeared to have experienced it himself. After a while, the sunset turned a deep purple and the air cooled considerably.
"Well, I'd probably better be getting back home. It was nice speaking to you. Maybe we'll run into one another again, if you'll be around the Senate", Padmé said as she stood. He didn't respond, at least not right away.
She was about to give up when she heard him speak again. "I'm sure we will, I'm here when I'm not traveling." So, he frequented the Senate when he didn't travel. Was he some form of aid to a Senator? She had to know who he worked for but wasn't certain how she would possibly find out. The fucking man was so gods damned mysterious it both made her intrigued and terrified at the same time.
"Goodnight then", she said. He didn't say anything in response, just acknowledged her with a nod. She carefully swung her legs over the pipe so she could use the access port that was directly behind them. Damn you for not being able to get a name out of him. Damn you for telling him about your relationship with Rush. The man probably won't give you a second thought, but he now knows things that only Dormé knows.
"Senator Amidala", she heard. He was speaking to her again and it made her heart flutter.
"Yes?", Padmé asked as she turned around. The man was half turned towards her, still only exposing the left side of his face.
"A word of caution, unhealthy relationships will only get more complicated. It's your life, but you should think it over long and hard before you can't escape it", he said with a slight hint of sadness to his curt tone.
Padmé forced herself to swallow. The man was speaking about her relationship with Rush, but she knew that he was also speaking about himself. He was a riddle that she knew she would become obsessed with solving.
"I will. Thank you", she replied as she felt her pulse in her neck throb. The man gave her a half of a nod and turned back towards the remaining sunset. After Padmé opened the door to the access port she turned and looked at him one last time, hoping that she would see him again.
A/N: If you like what you see, give the story a follow and a review! Any feedback is welcome.
