Shinji's coup. By zman123
Chapter 1: It's not my fault I caused an impact
"From now on, you do nothing." Misato's sharp and curt rebuttal to his earlier offer to help in repelling an surprise Angel attack on the base, her words cutting deeper than a knife through his very soul.
His head still stung and his stomach still felt it could throw up at any moment from how broken up the coma he had spent fourteen long years trapped in had still left him.
Yet none of these aches and pains compared to the emotional pain the choker placed on his neck gave to him.
It was an explosive choker; he knew from a discussion between Misato and some of her so called "lackeys" that he had managed to overhear.
One that could kill him with a fatal blast at the click of a button now firmly held inside his former Major and Guardian's hands.
And from the cold glare she had given him as she turned back to command the new agents she had somehow become commander of, it was very clear that she wanted to press the kill switch very badly and that if Shinji gave her the slightest excuse, legitimate or otherwise that she would take great glee in hitting the button with no more concern than a child playing with a toy.
Her uniformed soldiers leapt to obey her every command without hesitation. But there was something else in their manner that had caught Shinji's morbid fascination.
Every last one of them did their best to raise a smile as they came near "captain Misato", but none of them could look her in the eye.
It wasn't respect they had for their new leader after leaving behind NERV and its corrupt commander and Shinji's father Gendo Ikari in the hopes of salvaging a little freedom in the bleak shadow of the second impact which brought the Earth closer yet to its destruction.
But a kind of fear and helplessness that they could not disguise no matter how hard they tried.
They were scared of their captain the way Shinji was scared of his violent roommate Asuka's hair trigger temper. Their prompt obedience came not out of courage or admiration, but of grim resignation that they would forever live their lives at the whim of whatever heartless dictator unlucky enough to seize control.
They had cast off one bad boss, for another worse one.
Traded one batch of problems for another.
And though it was difficult to feel pity for his uncaring captors who showed not one bit of compassion for the miracle survivor of a gigantic explosion that should have by all means died from his attempted heroic sacrifice, pity was what Shinji felt for everyone in the room that wasn't Misato.
"Did Asuka survive at least?"
He dared to ask just as a door slid open and out stepped a sight he was unsure whether to cheer or curse.
For in the room just behind the glass separating his securing cell from the rest of the military complex Misato had imprisoned him in, stood his roommate who aside from an eyepatch over her right eye had not changed in either appearance nor character during the supposed fourteen years he had reportedly been asleep in according to a scientist who had been there to witness his awakening.
The German redhead did not look a day older.
And as Shinji began to do what he could to raise a grateful smile at seeing one of the few peers in his life he had allowed his introverted self to become attracted to, a sudden punch to the glass separating them from each other which left a giant fist shaped crack reminded him to once again put his smile away as his happy gland was forced to take shelter in the deep recesses of his mind once more.
It had been imprisoned there since the awful day he lost his dear and beloved mother Yui, without so much as a goodbye or any kind of farewell from the one woman in his life he could say for certain truly loved him, even as misguided as her attempts were.
And it would most likely stay there till the day he died, which he hoped would be very soon.
There was something in the way the little shards of glass fell as Asuka looked at him with a snarl of pure hatred in spite of his timidity not least in part because of the explosive collar around his neck which could be set off at the click of a button that Misato was very impatiently fiddling around.
Something in the contrast of Asuka's ingratitude for his concern for her, and his gratitude that in spite of his confusion of finding her unaged and the injury to her right eye that she was after all still alive and with Misato who he still did love in spite of the explosive collar she had personally placed around his neck.
He had been overjoyed at the prospect of finding her alive and well, while she had given him nothing but the same mistreatment she had been giving him every day prior to the fourteen years he had been unconscious for.
Normally he wouldn't have minded and Misato would have just told him that this was the way tough girls expressed themselves.
But as his memories begun to come back to him all the more clearly now that the initial dizziness of recovering from a long coma was wearing off, he could not help but take their insults very personally.
Before all this Misato would have been the one practically barking in his ear to shut up and get in his EVA to go save the world no questions asked.
And now when he was politely volunteering himself for his assigned role, no complaints, no hesitations, she was scolding him for being selfish and coldly brushing off his courage like it was no big deal.
It had taken him all his courage to offer to go out and fight in his EVA after he had had so little time to recuperate. Misato was making a mockery out of his courage.
Courage that did not come easy for a "coward" who had spent the majority of his life being ostracized and cut off from the very people he was supposed to be able to place his complete trust.
And while it was not in Shinji Ikari's nature to be vengeful, least of all judgemental considering he was often the one being unfairly judged by a biased world that wanted him worse than dead for its own sick amusement, Misato's actions this time struck him as being completely immoral.
A new emotion was blazing inside the innocent boy who had until today felt no animosity for anyone but himself which he felt in spades.
Anger in its most furious form.
The one time he chose to be brave and fearlessly face down an Angel not caring whether this got him killed or not, and it backfired.
The people previously mocking his cowardice were now mocking his wholly well-intentioned courage instead. There was no pleasing them or reasoning with them.
From what he had gathered from the conversations he secretly overheard upon waking up but not yet opening his eyes, he had apparently started third impact through killing the horrible beast that would have surely torn his one true friend Rei and the rest of the Earth apart had he not intervened, his selfless devotion to save as many as he could in that moment empowering him to reach max synchro rate with his EVA and overpower the Angel.
Something NERV had wished for a long time to be able to do but never could.
And this was the thanks he got?
"At least tell me what I've done wrong, Misato" he managed to choke out, his voice surprisingly firm and clear than he thought possible in his jangled state.
And without intending to, he clenched a fist and turned to stare the purple haired woman who had been his commanding officer and guardian since the day his father ordered him into his despised role as NERV's premiere EVA pilot that got the least attention despite doing the most work and displaying most skill.
The lion's share of the work, and the gazelle's share of the praise.
"What is even going on here?"
His teeth clenched alongside his fists.
He was not completely stupid or clueless, but he wanted to hear it from her.
When Misato didn't reply and simply continued to look away from him at the button she was holding in her hands, he repeated the same question more loudly as his entire body shook with shock and repulsion.
It wasn't until he asked the third time that the supposedly unflappable Misato finally caved in and deigned to reply in a sarcastic and patronizing nasal monotone still with her eyes averted from his tear filled ones.
"You selfishly caused another impact in your stupid, stupid attempt at playing "hero"".
She spat, the suffocating stench of cheap vodka sailing upon her breath making Shinji gag.
"You killed us all in your silly little attempt to save your so called sweetheart, Rei, and let us all down. So shut up and maybe I won't blow you up."
More tears fell from his eyes as his teeth clenched so hard he felt they might snap under the pressure.
So this was what being mad at someone other than yourself felt like?
It felt so painful and yet so empowering. Like for once he was powerful and in somewhat better control of himself.
He didn't know whether to like or despise this new feeling coursing through his veins causing his very blood to boil.
"Look. I did not know that killing that Angel would create another impact." He replied, this time his voice quieter but his fury still apparent. "And neither did any of you." He looked at not just Misato but the entire legion of her "army" behind her, the blonde visage of Dr Ritsuko Akagi among them.
"Otherwise you wouldn't have told me to go and kill that Angel. You would have warned me against it. You wouldn't have said..."
Here he put on a deliberately bad impersonation of the much older purple haired woman as his face twisted into a sneer.
"Oh go Shinji go. Go kill that thing Shinji. Go save your Rei Shinji and make me proud, while I just sit here and stretch my legs while I drink my face off"
He resumed his normal voice.
"You practically ordered me to do it. You encouraged me forward with every fibre of your being. And yet YOU of all people have the nerve to tell me what you did was right and what I did was wrong.
You're my commanding officer. I'm your pilot. I obey orders. I don't make them. I follow them."
The tears began to make his vision blurry and he began to wobble on his feet as he nearly fell.
"I was a good pilot. I followed orders. I tried to protect my fellow pilot Rei, and followed exemplary pilot protocol and you're punishing me for it" he wept despairingly as he took in a deep and mighty gust of air before exhaling it in a primal guttural roar more animal than human as he smashed his forehead with his still clenched fist.
"I risk my life to save you. To save all of you and you threaten to kill me for it without even giving me a reason."
"Well it's not my fault that you made such a reckless and stupid decision that got you this punishment you richly deserve." Misato sternly shot back, her eyes obscured by her captain's hat when she turned to face Shinji.
Shinji's expression transformed into incredulity.
He looked like he was in complete disbelief over the few words Misato decided to throw in his direction just to undermine him like a little kid once more even though he must have at least been twenty-eight taking into account the fourteen-year coma he had supposedly been in.
For once, he knew he couldn't just let this go.
Misato wouldn't forgive him for that, but if he gave into her now then he would never forgive himself.
If she was really going to blow him to pieces, he needed her to know full well the pain she had caused him by failing to be the responsible replacement parent he tried to view her as in spite of her flaws.
Before she had broken the last straw putting this collar on him.
The time for optimism and hiding his grievances under the rug was gone. If the world was ending, so was his time for turning the other cheek.
"So you're telling me its not your fault that you never tried to help me from Asuka all those times when she was practically ripping me to pieces ,as you watched on laughing?" Shinji demanded, sounding more like a grown up than she ever had with his arms folded wide as if daring her to challenge him.
"She was kicking me in the face hard enough to break my nose and all you did was laugh and joke while I was in very real physical pain. And that doesn't bother you?
It doesn't bother you all the times you go out drinking and then try to drive me around nearly getting us both killed in the process, like an irresponsible pig?
It doesn't cross your mind that as a major, your most important job was to maintain discipline and that the single most important rule for all us pilots to follow was that attacking another pilot was the most serious crime a pilot could commit?"
He shook his head as he strained to keep himself from shouting as he moaned the next part of his rant with his palm over his face.
"Why. Why!? Why is it that whenever I complain I get scolded and chewed out even when its clear that I'm at the end of my rope, but whenever Asuka does it she gets seen as tough and strong and you people congratulate her for setting a fine example of how to behave?
Do the rules of NERV not apply to her simply because she's a girl? Or because she's from another country?
Or do you all just like picking on me specifically because I'm weak and I don't like punching others in the face unlike Asuka?"
A few of the other members of WILLE and former members of NERV were actually beginning to look shamefaced unseen by Shinji.
A young man in the front of Misato's cohort actually looked close to tears himself as he quickly turned away to avoid having them seen by a commander he now feared would have him executed on the spot if she caught him sympathizing with the prisoner.
"You can say what you want about how I'm an antisocial creep who can't hold conversations to save his worthless life" Shinji earnestly admitted, a thin stream of saltwater going all the way down his shirt.
"But at least I don't need to inflict another act of violence every time I talk to someone. At least I don't say bad things about other people even when they insult me. At least, at least I try to see the good in others. I try to be friends with all of you but then you just throw it in my face. I want to be your friend. All of you. I do. But how can I do that when you keep trying to push me away?"
"Well you don't deserve our friendship. Not after what you did." Misato shouted, clearly having heard enough of her adopted son's attempt to call her out, her disdainful tone belying the acute pain his words were causing to her conscience.
The impact must have damaged his brain along with his body.
She really should have just left him to die and then not had to deal with this nonsense.
Even if he was the nice, polite boy she used to always…
"You say you don't love me anymore after what I've done Misato. But the truth is, I don't think you ever really loved me or Asuka."
Shinji accusingly stated, causing the viciously snarling Asuka from behind the cracked glass screen to stumble back momentarily in wonder.
The stupid idiot she considered the most cowardly rat among the ranks of mankind was actually daring to make these accusations against who was basically the closest thing he had to a parent after losing his mother and being abandoned by his father.
The first rule of being a child, EVA pilot or no was that you always respected your elders and Shinji was flagrantly disregarding it.
He was doing the one audacious act even she would never dream off in spite of her courageous passion.
He was not simply an idiot. He was a brat.
"I used to think of you as my mother Misato. That you actually gave a damn about me and Asuka when you made us live together in the same apartment as you."
Shinji closed his eyes as he painfully shook his head.
"But if that was the case Misato, you're a terrible parent as well as a terrible Major.
Now I'm no expert but from what little I know from my common sense, a parent shouldn't neglect their children the way you neglected us. A parent should guide their children. Teach them values, teach them courage and self-esteem. They should be there for their children when they cry and calm them down when they're mad."
He frowned disarmingly at Asuka causing Asuka to reel back even further with her mouth wide in shock before turning back to Misato.
It was clear he planned to hold nothing back.
"And above all else Misato. A responsible parent should know when to discipline their children when they've been bad. To set rules and enforce boundaries.
And you've done none of those things for either me, or Asuka, or Rei or anyone of the other pilots you claimed you cared about.
You didn't say anything when Asuka was kicking me in the skull. You didn't do anything when Asuka had a temper tantrum and nearly broke herself that night you decided to go out drinking instead.
And you're probably too apathetic to even care the way I care, that my dad's probably been misusing Rei for his own selfish ends since to you, that doesn't matter as long as Rei gets in the stupid robot."
"She's not even a real person…" Misato tried to feebly protest.
"She was human enough to try and improve my relationship with my father" Shinji snapped back, too tired to shout anymore but his voice still fierce.
"The day you made me go and try to save her, she was going to have a dinner between me and my dad and she was going to be there herself to try and encourage him to be nicer to his son for a change. She was willing to do all that for me Misato. She was more of a guardian to me than you ever were."
He turned to Asuka.
"She showed more humanity that day than either of you. If anyone here's not human, it's the two of you. For leaving me completely alone in my helpless loneliness when I needed help the most. For trying to feign affection to me when it was obvious you would sell me out for two beers and a bratwurst."
He looked close to fainting as he continued to convulse even more intensely than he had, but he continued his speech nonetheless much to the surprise of everyone watching.
"I felt sorry for you, Asuka. I felt bad that you had lost both your parents just like me and for how no one gave you any kindness during your childhood. I tried to console you. But all you did was throw it all back in my face."
He scrunched up his face as he seemed to grow older before the redhead's very eyes.
"You of all people should know how bad it was for me to go through what I did. After all, you experienced the same thing yourself and you have the nerve to call me a coward for trying to empathise with your struggles. Your parents may have been terrible to you, Asuka. But you've made the same mistakes they have, and you should be ashamed."
Asuka wanted to give the glass another smash and rip this selfish snivelling little shrimp to pieces for daring to use her past that she wished to bury for good against her. But her hand was already pretty cut up from her previous blow and she contented herself with simply brandishing her balled up hands for Shinji to see what awaited him the next time they were in the same room together.
Inwardly, Shinji smiled a little to himself.
Never did he think he would find himself thanking a pane of glass for granting him the determination he finally needed to vent out his own frustrations.
He knew now that he could talk to Asuka ever again unless the two of them were separated by at least a two metre thick wall of concrete if he wanted to keep his head attached to his neck but it was worth it.
He doubted a thin layer of fragile glass would be enough to stop her again but for the time being, it was his godsend saviour and he thanked it with all his might.
"That's enough you prisoner" Misato ordered, pointing sharply at Shinji with a dagger like index finger.
"Cease to insult your superiors now or face the consequences"
She held up the button with her other hand.
Shinji looked at his former guardian through blank eyes as if she no longer existed and he was merely peering at the wall behind her pondering complex matters.
Then he said the bravest thing that all of WILLE had heard since its founding and split from NERV.
"Go ahead and kill me. See if I care. I've lost everything and everyone I care about anyway, and I don't care to die. I've given everything I have to all of you already when I saved you. I hope you enjoy killing me."
His eyes were still wide open and his body language was still firmly stoic and upbeat even as Misato narrowed her eyes and began to tighten her grip on the button so hard that the slightest further bit of force would surely activate the killer collar that would implode Shinji on the spot.
Never did any member of WILLE think that one day they would find someone so fed up with life that they felt no fear in the slightest at the prospect of losing it.
This wasn't your every day sort of bravery.
This was…advanced bravery. Advanced bravery mixed in with nihilism in its purest form. Truly the ideal paragon of persistence they all wished to aspire to both on the battlefield and off.
Then silence reigned and the captain they now completely despised continued to exert ever more force onto the button that would put an end to the life of the already hollowed, emptied shell that used to be NERV's most skilled yet most underappreciated pilot.
All of them felt complete visceral hatred that their new captain was tossing aside such a heroic and useful killing machine but dared not move lest they be punished along with him.
There was a flash of white movement and then a thud as in the final millisecond when Shinji's life should have been ended as instead, someone in the crowd leapt forward and knocked the purple haired chief commanding officer off her feet, the shock of it all enough for her to drop the button on the ground thankfully not hard enough for it to be pushed down.
Her assaulter had used a submission, the most reckless and dangerous wrestling technique known to man for being as harmful to the user as the target as her attacker had also to spend the next few moments dusting themselves down and was visibly staggering when they managed to get back to their feet.
Misato was briefly dazed as her head hit the hard stony floor with great force. It took several seconds for her vision to clear enough for her jaw to drop agape as she slowly came to terms with the harsh fact that the traitor who had disrupted her passing of her prisoner's rightful sentence was none other than her own first lieutenant and former chief scientist of NERV.
The most reserved and submissive member of her team and the last one who would enact such a vicious assault of such great force.
"Shinji's right Misato" Ritsuko Akagi seriously exclaimed as she stared disapprovingly down at the commander who moment's ago, she had given herself over to totally.
"He really has lost everything. Cut him some slack and let him be a part of WILLE. It's the least that poor boy deserves after the hell you, me and everyone has put him through and all he's done for us."
Misato was flabbergasted. Utterly flabbergasted. Her most loyal and trusted underling had turned on her and gone over to the side of her prisoner.
The world really was ending now. It hadn't before but now she was sure she could see the Earth cracking apart before her very eyes. This just couldn't be happening, it just couldn't.
Not to her. Not when she had spent so long gathering her army of loyal followers and subjugating them to her so that they were as obedient to her as they had been to their previous chief Gendo.
It had taken so much meticulous planning, such tenacity spanning.
Decades of denial in which she simply decided that no matter what one day, she would be king undisputed, respected, saluted and seen for the wonder she was.
Her teeth and ambitions had been bared for so long and now it was all crashing down in front of her.
This was worse than the third impact that careless Shinji caused. This was far, far worse.
"You dare to assault your commanding officer, you traitor?" Misato sharply barked at a lack of better choice of words. Ritsuko may have been her best friend since her bright college years, but she would not stand for any disruptions to her flawless plan she had spent so long preparing.
"The only traitor I see is the one in front of me." The usually composed doctor disapprovingly spat, more emotion in those few curt words than the brightest Hollywood star. "You've forgotten everything you once stood for Misato and betrayed us all. You're the one who's forgotten what's really important…"
"DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT IMPORTANCE you mewling quim." Misato hastily rebutted, fully intending to hurt Ritsuko as much as possible so that she would stop this foolish endeavour.
"Know your place and when not to question the decisions of those in charge."
Ritsuko was nearly stopped by this derogatory statement which stung at the little pride she had only to take one glimpse in the direction of the now nearly unconscious Shinji who replied to her with one pleading sob through his wide tunnel like eyes.
"I'm about to end this drunk's whole career Shinji. Hang in there" the blonde whispered sincerely under her breath. "You were right. You were always right and I was the idiot for not seeing it sooner."
"The decisions of the chief scientist overrides those of a major. And since I am the chief scientist, my authority supersedes your own Misato. And as chief scientist, I order you to remove the collar from Shinji's neck right now and make him an official member of our exalted organization."
Ritsuko rose up prouder and taller as she finished her order, her sharp glare somehow enough to keep Misato pinned to the ground in spite of her captain's apparent rage at her insubordination.
"This is no longer NERV. And you are no longer chief scientist." Misato angrily pointed out, feeling her throat atrophy and her tone clip with every word she managed to speak.
"This is WILLE. And here in WILLE, I call the shots. I'm your commander and you'll all do as I say, or I'll execute the lot of you."
Instead of instilling the submissiveness she hoped this threat would cause, it only made Ritsuko leer at her more viciously than ever and the remaining members of WILLE look at Shinji more sympathetically than ever before.
Ritsuko sounded almost sarcastic.
"Do you know who else has that exact same mentality when he runs his organization?" She crossed her arms.
"Who?" Misato could not help but ask, curiosity getting the better of her even in this moment of betrayal.
Ritsuko simply turned away from her and back to the crowd of soldiers, workers and fellow scientists that made up the ragtag group of rebel fighters sworn to defy NERV and all it stood for in spite of being little more than former employees of it.
"I'm sure all of you know. I'm certain all of you have already been through enough to know exactly what I'm talking about. I'll give you all three guesses and the first two don't count."
No one replied to her but between the nods, the bows of heads and the shamefacedness and deep regretful sighs, the remaining members of WILLE demonstrated perfectly through mime their complete apprehension of Ritsuko's nail on the head statement which would take a complete fool not to instantly fathom. And yet their commander Misato had asked "who?".
Their commander was a fool.
"That's right. You all know." Ritsuko proudly remarked like a parent whose child had finally finished all their homework. "You all understand what our selfish commander cannot. You all know that this is the exact same method our old chief Gendo used to enforce his brutal regime which we only escaped by the skin of our teeth.
A few jeers were beginning to erupt from the back of the crowd as Shinji began to weep wordlessly, spasms of grief that felt like they were tearing him apart.
"So now I ask of you. All of you. Is this what you really want? Have we merely traded one callous dictator for another? Do you think that if we let Misato kill the very hero who nearly died protecting our sorry asses in spite of how we've treated him, that she won't hesitate to turn on any of you next?"
Asuka was livid as the jeers, boos and cries of agreement to Ritsuko's accusations began to ring out even louder as she grabbed a huge claw hammer, she found in a emergency case on the wall next to her.
She had been there to witness every arduous step of her guardian Misato's ascension to power and she was not about to let a cowardly brat and a stupid old hag ruin it all.
One smash utterly devastated the frail screen that had been Shinji's only protection from her in the moments he had gathered enough fortitude to speak plainly his thoughts of her and she would have fain burst in hammer ready to really give those two traitors a taste of true discipline.
When she was promptly gripped into a headlock and she was swiftly disarmed as her assailant firmly but politely chided her, granting upon her the same shock as Misato felt upon Ritsuko's sudden change of heart.
"Thoughtless destruction of property and threatening your fellow WILLE members not to mention fellow pilots, is an offense of the highest order."
The voice of the fellow pilot who had been the only surviving EVA pilot to follow her here from NERV and only easy source of conversation sounded behind her.
"I thought you of all people would know that, princess."
Asuka did not know what to say. This rebel base had become a clothing store.
A clothing store where the only item on sale were coats. Turncoats to be precise.
Warm, fluffy, sleek and stylish turncoats of all shapes, sizes and style.
Turncoats R Us it might as well be called now.
One look in one of the shattered pieces of glass revealed the eye-catching visage of the British Brunette who she had considered her only companion after Hikari in spite of their good-natured occasional friendly teasing of each other which had only served to bring them closer.
She was known for her fun jokes and optimistic outlook even despite their bleak situation but the serious grimace in her face as she restrained Asuka was anything but jovial.
"My theory about how messed up your relationship with Shinji used to be, turned out to be correct after all." Fourth pilot Mari Makinami Illustrious solemnly stated as she slowly released Asuka, still keeping a firm eye trained lest she try to spring a surprise attack.
"You really were nothing but a brute and I will not let you harm him any longer."
Ritsuko summarized with one sweeping glance around the room the broken glass, Shinji's broken look in his face and the broken spirit of the WILLE operatives broken as a result of their broken trust in their figure of authority.
"Lock her up." She firmly said, holding the button for Shinji's explosive collar far out of Misato's grasp as she cautiously took a step back.
"She cannot be trusted to continue working alongside us after what she's shown us today. Lock her up and we'll decide what to do with her later."
There was surprisingly little hesitation as the two other lieutenants of WILLE Maya and Aoba stepped forward and seized Misato.
"Let go of me. I am your commander" she rasped pathetically to no avail as Maya and Aoba ordered her to stand up and follow or be dragged to the holding cells to which she very reluctantly stood and allowed herself to be walked out of the room as Shinji's weeping and flailing became more intense than ever.
Their footsteps had not yet died away before without further ado, Ritsuko rushed forward and manged despite Shinji's shakes and shivers to get the collar off his neck with a little prompting for him to stand still.
Then with one smooth motion, she snapped the collar in half displaying an incredible amount of muscle power before placing the now pointless button on the ground and grinding it to pieces under her left heel.
"It's okay Shinji. It's okay. No one's going to blow you up. We're going to help you and everything's going to be okay." She reassuringly coaxed as she helped the hysterical boy up and managed to get him to an unoccupied room with an already comfortably made bed without saying anything further to the other WILLE members.
She placed him onto the bed and put the duvet over his body just as he lost consciousness and returned to the void of dreams.
She gave him a gentle pat and after careful deliberation, a very light but no less meaningful kiss on his head before she left the room gently closing the door behind her as she went.
She would have Asuka sent back to her own room and kept under constant observation since as much as she hated it, her skills as a pilot were needed in case of a surprise attack from NERV.
And when Shinji was awake, she would tell him the complete truth about everything.
The good, the bad and everything in between.
How not everything was his fault and how things would be different for him from now on and how WILLE really could with his support become a worthy enterprise truly different from the evil group they originally came from.
A look at the photo of the entire troupe of child pilots prior to the third impact that saw WILLE and NERV split into separate entities that had unfortunately been fundamentally the same flawed extremists despite how she liked to think otherwise.
And how in spite of everything, Rei wasn't dead and Shinji's efforts to save her weren't completely wasted.
"I had Rei all wrong..." the doctor muttered sincerely as she stared fixated at just how at ease the Shinji in the photo looked as he stood by Rei's side with his right arm wrapped around her as if to say he would protect her with his very life.
A gesture he had never in his shyness used before for anyone, not even Misato the closest thing he had to a parent.
"I didn't know, she meant so much to you." she murmured holding back a sob of her own knowing in this moment she needed to be strong for everyone's sake.
"I'm, I'm sorry."
Chapter 1 draws to a close.
See I always thought Ritsuko was a nicer person than Misato in spite of how the series wants me to think.
Misato doesn't do her job as a parent well. She's not responsible and she doesn't give any comfort to Shinji or Asuka when they are down whereas Ritsuko in her few appearances seems to genuinely be proud of what Shinji and the other pilots have achieved and to be regretful of the horrible things NERV and SEELE are doing.
She's more professional about the way she shows it but in a military operation as important as protecting the world from what amounts to eldritch abominations, this is actually important for maintaining morale and discipline.
And when you think about it, she only started going insane and doing bad things as Shinji went insane showing empathy and from what we know of instrumentality, it is a very painful process.
Blowing up NERV's base at that point, could be considered a mercy kill.
Shinji could not possibly have known that what he was doing would have caused third impact. Never was it mentioned anywhere that killing that angel would lead to another impact.
Neither did anyone else.
Also it might just be my opinion but I think the Anime would have been stronger if some of the voice actors were changed. Some of the characters don't sound emotive enough to fit their role in the story. Examples include:
Ritsuko Akagi: Cristina Vee (the voice for Homura Akemi and Sailor Mars. She's great at doing voices for serious but misunderstood geniuses that no one takes seriously until its too late)
Rei Ayanami: Christine Marie Cabanos (the voice for Sailor Saturn. Both Rei and Saturn were secretly being groomed by an abusive father to destroy the world against their wishes and both are hated by everyone except the main character who sees the good in them)
Mari Makinami: Sandy Fox (She would capture Mari's bouncy and optimistic fun loving sweetness more vividly).
But thank you everyone so much for reading and I hope sincerely to see you in the next chapter.Thanks guys so much, you are awesome
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