Chapter Twenty-Three: Memories


In this world you tried

Not leaving me alone behind.

There's no other way.

I prayed to the gods let him stay.

The memories ease the pain inside,

Now I know why.

~ Memories; Within Temptation


A/N: Warnings: sex scene (yes finally we get some Remix action), canon character death (we already know they died, this is just...showing how they did) and alcohol abuse.

Something else I wanna address. I know there have been a few reviewers who are, for whatever reason, pro-Evan. I think it's important to acknowledge that him being attractive, him being a good dad, him thinking he loves Phoenix...none of these are good enough reasons to excuse the fact that he emotionally abused her and erased a memory. You can enjoy him as a character, but please remember he was an awful person.

Oh also, hello to all of my faves and follows from TikTok. If anyone wants to follow me on that I'm wastedyouthtok and I just post fanfic shit tbh.


The first few weeks of Phoenix and Cass living with Sirius were admittedly difficult. It wasn't as though he and Remus had led some sort of wild lifestyle, but adjusting to having a small baby in the house wasn't easy. Phoenix had worked some charms to soundproof her room so that they wouldn't be disturbed by Cass crying, and she did her best to make things run as smoothly as possible.

When Sirius would get back from work, Phoenix would have prepared food. She cleaned the house in his absence, and did her best to avoid Remus to prevent things from being awkward. It seemed as though his sister was trying to make herself as small and insignificant as possible so that she didn't come across as a problem, and made him sad.

Hanging his coat up on the hook, Sirius saw that Remus was the one cooking dinner tonight. It wasn't common to see him and Phoenix in the same as one another without Sirius present. Although both had insisted they didn't have a problem with the other, you could have cut through the tension with a knife.

"Where's Phoenix?" Sirius asked, casting around for a familiar head of dark hair or even his tiny blonde niece.

Remus shrugged. "I think she went to check on Cass."

"Are you two going to stop being weird yet?"

Remus frowned. "We aren't being weird."

"Mate." Sirius walked into the kitchen and rested a hand on Remus's shoulder. The casserole he was making smelled delicious. "You've barely exchanged more than a few sentences. I get it, she's your ex-girlfriend, it's weird. But I'm not going to kick either one of you out to make the other comfortable, so I can't tell you how long this arrangement is going to last."

"It's just strange, okay?" Remus raked his fingers through his hair, setting the wooden spoon down. "I don't know. She made out all this time that whatever this marriage was with Evan, it wasn't...like that."

"So they've had a kid, so it's obvious they shagged." Sirius blew out a sigh. "You can have sex without having feelings for someone, you get that, right?"

"It'll get there." Remus's irritated tone indicated he didn't want to continue the conversation, so Sirius left him to stir the casserole and thumped upstairs to check on his sister and niece. When he opened the door to Phoenix's room, he paused.

Phoenix was sprawled on the bed, asleep. She looked so young and vulnerable. Sometimes, he forgot she was only nineteen. She was just a kid, Sirius thought as he reached down to gently place the blanket over her, a kid with a little baby. The baby in question was gurgling in her cot, and Sirius walked over to scoop her up.

Cass was a cute little thing, he had to admit. Blonde like Rosier, with hazel eyes she'd inherited from neither parent. Sirius had never considered himself very baby friendly, but he'd taken in his niece without a second's thought. Pleasant kid too, and didn't cry much, which was a bonus. She giggled as he gently bounced her up and down in his arms.

An insistent hammering at the door made Sirius tense. He placed the baby back in the cot and headed downstairs, wand at the ready. The wards on his door were no guarantee of anything other than that the person on the other side didn't want to hurt him, or else they'd have been blasted back by now. He threw open the door to two familiar faces he hadn't missed.

Mitchell Avery had a smile like a deranged wolf. Sirius had never trusted him in school, especially not with the rumours circulating that he'd sexually assaulted Beth Fawley at the last Quidditch World Cup. He was an absolute sleaze, and becoming a Death Eater had only enhanced the cruelty he'd already possessed.

Isaac Mulciber blew smoke from his cigarette, before throwing it on the ground and stamping it out under his boot. There was a gold ring on his finger now, and Sirius recalled something vague about him marrying Lorna Flint, another of Phoenix's friends. Between the two of them, they were a pair of savages.

"Can I help you?" The words were sharp and unwelcoming.

"I hope so." Avery stepped forward, leaning in the doorframe. "We're looking for Phoenix, actually. She's gone missing since Evan's death at the Ministry."

"Evan was a Death Eater." Sirius arched an eyebrow, glancing between the two of them. "Is there someone you both want to confess to?"

"We're just worried." Avery cocked his head to the side as Mulciber snickered. "Poor little Phoenix, all alone with her baby. Her in-laws are worried sick, and so is her mother."

Sirius's stomach churned at the idea that these miscreants had been in contact with Walburga. Remus appeared at his elbow with an inquisitive expression, his jaw clenching when he recognised the pair at the door.

"Unfortunately, I've got no idea where my sister is."

"It's a shame." A smirk played about Avery's lips. "She was always beautiful, and it's obvious she breeds well. Once I heard what happened to Evan, I thought she'd make me a fine wife. I'd just have to temper that spirit first."

Something snapped in Sirius, and despite Remus's attempt to grab his arm, he stepped forward and punched Avery in the face. The resounding crack made him certain he'd broken the Death Eater's nose. Avery cursed, pressing his fingers to his bloody face.

Phoenix wasn't a possession, and that was what had always infuriated Sirius about the gang of Slytherins her husband had hung out with. They all acted like she was some pretty trophy, as though her looks and her ability to produce children were the only things about her that mattered. To them, Phoenix was barely even a person.

"Don't you ever speak about my sister that way again."

"Protective," Avery hissed with an unhinged laugh, "She can't be trusted, you know. She would turn on anyone just to save her own skin."

"A Slytherin through and through," Sirius agreed, "The same could be said for any of you."

"We'll see you around, Black," Mulciber snapped, and then he and Avery turned and skulked off in a flurry of dark robes.


Christmas was a quiet affair in Sirius's apartment, though he did all he could to make it a time of cheer. He wasn't going to relentlessly force positivity upon his sister and best friend, but he did his best to keep them in good spirits. Lily and James dropped by with baby Harry, and Sirius didn't miss the way Phoenix's smile warmed at seeing him and Cass rolling around on the carpet. When his friends left for the afternoon, Phoenix fixed him and Remus each a brandy and said there was something she needed to tell them.

Sirius had always hated the anticipation leading up to moments of great revelation, and this was no different. Phoenix propped Cass in her lap, the baby looking like a little doll with her floral jumpsuit and the pink bow on her head. Her movements were slow and sleepy, an indication that the kid was almost ready for a nap.

"I realised that I was never entirely honest with either of you," Phoenix held Cass to her with one hand, sipping at her lavender tea with the other, "About why I married Evan."

Beside Sirius, Remus had gone rigid. Everyone in this room knew how Phoenix had broken Remus's heart and callously announced her engagement to Rosier at the same time. Sirius had thought over the years about it, and put it down to the pressure of their pure-blood parents wanting a handsome match for Phoenix. Now he realised there might be more to the story.

"I made a mistake." Phoenix's voice cracked, tears welling in her grey eyes. "I...I told Regulus about what Remus was. I thought that he wouldn't tell anyone, but…"

"What?" Alarm flared through Sirius. "Phoenix, who did he tell?"

Phoenix held up a placating hand. "He told our parents. I don't think they would bother spreading word about it, since when they learned of it initially, they told me that I needed to break up with Remus...or else risk his secret making its way through the wizarding community. I know it was my fault, and I'm so sorry."

"They gave you an ultimatum." Sirius's voice was soft with realisation. Phoenix blamed herself for Regulus's tattling, and Walburga would have known that guilt would run deep. That Phoenix would do anything to make things right.

"Yes." Phoenix sucked in a deep breath. "My parents said that no one else would know about Remus if I was to marry when I came of age. They told me, in no uncertain terms, that I would choose my own husband, or he would be picked for me."

A grim silence descended over the lounge room. Cass had fallen asleep, blissfully unaware to the conversation regarding how her parents had come to be together. Remus took a gulp of brandy and set the glass down.

"Why was it him, Phoenix?" There was no accusation in the question, just a desperation to understand why she had chosen Rosier.

"I thought about my other options." Phoenix picked at the hem of her shirt. "The most appealing to my parents was Rabastan Lestrange, who's eight years older than me. Rabastan made it clear that...should I prove unwilling, he would use magic to get what he wanted."

Sirius didn't know if it was the brandy or the heavy Christmas lunch, but he suddenly felt nausea swirl in the pit of his stomach. He considered Phoenix's options. Wilkes, whose violent temperament meant he likely would have hit her. Rabastan Lestrange, who had threatened to rape her. He was beginning to understand now.

"Rosier had a crush on you, and that's why you picked him."

Phoenix nodded slowly. "Yes. I knew he liked to play the hero with me, and I hoped it would translate into protectiveness of me should I marry him. I knew I had to make Remus believe I was breaking up with him for good, and so I was cruel."

Remus stared at her incredulously. "So when you said you didn't love me…"

"I still did." The ghost of a smile crossed Phoenix's lips. "I still do."

Merlin's beard. The last complication Sirius needed was his sister and best friend engaging in something that had the potential to be explosive. Phoenix seemed to realise she'd said too much, because her cheeks went red and she eased herself to her feet, scooping Cass up into her arms.

"I should put her to bed."

Sirius and Remus sat in silence as Phoenix's footsteps thumped upstairs. When the door to her room closed, Sirius chanced a look at his friend. Remus was turning the brandy glass over his hands, contemplative. He hadn't stopped loving Phoenix either, and Sirius was a fool for not realising that it was the source of the tension between them.

"I thought about asking her why she didn't go home to Walburga." Remus's voice was low and bitter. "Because I was clearly just thinking about myself. I would have asked her to go home, and have your mother marry her off to a man who would have hurt her."

"You didn't know, Remus." Sirius rested a hand on his shoulder. "Neither of us did."

How much more was going on with Phoenix that he'd had no idea about? Sirius regretted his lapse in judgement, how terrible an older brother he'd been. He had abandoned Phoenix, when he should have known better than to leave her with their family. She had grieved Regulus and Orion alone. Cass's date of birth made him do the maths, and he had a strong suspicion that the little girl had been conceived during Phoenix's period of mourning.

Sirius couldn't undo the past, but he could strive to be a better brother in the future. He would be a caring sibling to Phoenix. He would protect both her and his niece. Especially in light of the chilling revelation that, having caused Rosier and Wilkes's deaths, the Death Eaters were after Phoenix.


A gentle tapping on the bedroom door drew Remus from the book he had been fixated on. Marking his page, he frowned as he checked the time to realise that it was close to midnight. When he opened the door, he masked his astonishment that it was Phoenix there. After what she'd said earlier, he had thought she was avoiding him.

This wasn't Phoenix at her most fierce, posture confident and eyes burning with triumph. This was a vulnerable, damaged girl that he wondered if he could still relate to. They all had their demons, and Phoenix bit her lip as though concerned he would slam the door in her face. She raked her fingers through her dark hair.

"Can I come in?"

Rain pattered gently against the window as Remus opened his door to allow Phoenix to step into his room, and he wished he'd tidied up a bit. Closing the door behind her, he watched as she sat down on the edge of his bed, shoulders tense as though she wasn't certain what to expect. He sat beside her and for the first time in a long while, the quiet between them was peaceful.

"I wanted to apologise for what I said earlier."

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, though they both knew precisely what she was talking about. She took a deep, shuddering breath.

"For saying I still love you. That was...a lot to put on you."

"Did you mean it?" he asked.

Phoenix nodded slowly. "Yes. I thought for a long time that I could put those feelings behind me, but...it was obvious, I suppose. In Evan's resentment of the fact that I could never love him, in the way I kept thinking about you even when I shouldn't have."

Remus was silent, letting her speak. He didn't want to interrupt, though unbidden, he reached out a hand to rest it over hers. It was a mere brush of skin, soft and cautious. She could have pulled her hand away, but instead she smiled and linked her fingers through his. The touch seemed to give her the courage to continue.

"That's a bit fucked up, isn't it? I married a man, I had a child with him, but the whole time I was still in love with someone else."

"Was he good to you?" Remus questioned, and for a long moment he didn't know whether Phoenix would answer, whether her marriage to Rosier had been any of his business.

"No," she said softly, "But I think he wanted to be."

Remus considered what he remembered of Rosier from school. All haughty, aristocratic good looks and a permanent sneer directed at the Marauders. He had softened around Phoenix, always determined to impress her. Remus didn't know for sure, but he suspected that Rosier hadn't loved her, at least not the way Phoenix wanted to be loved. To Rosier, she had been something to possess and control and own.

And she'd got him killed.

Remus shook the thought away. Phoenix had never intended for Rosier and Wilkes to die. She'd told him and Sirius as much, that she'd only ever thought they'd be taken to Azkaban. The amount of distress she'd experienced after hearing about them dying led Remus to believe she was telling the truth. He still hadn't told her about Avery and Mulciber coming around. Some things were better left unsaid.

"I want to know where I stand with you." Phoenix's voice was more assured now, and she glanced at him with a furrowed brow. "I don't expect you to feel the same way I do, and that's fine. I know I hurt you. But I just want this weird tension between us to go away, and I think acknowledging whatever we are to each other is the best way."

"I love you too," Remus said, so quietly he wasn't sure if Phoenix had heard. At her startled expression, he continued before he lost his nerve. "I was angry at you, and then angry at myself for still being in love with you. But my feelings never changed, even if I once wished that they did."

Phoenix reached across to trace her fingers down Remus's cheek, and he relished the softness of her skin against his. This close to her, he could see just how long and thick her eyelashes were, all the flecks of colour in her grey eyes. Then he pressed his lips to hers, kissing her with more fervour than he'd believed possible.

Phoenix's lips were soft against his, the kiss gentle and tender. Remus pressed closer, cupping her face in his hands and kissing her with more ferocity. Merlin, he still loved her. He'd never stopped loving her. It was as if, after all these years, the desire that burned between them had never changed.

She responded with enthusiasm and he leaned back against the headboard, pulling her into his lap. The new position made her gasp, Remus's lips moving down the column of her neck.

Phoenix wriggled in his lap, and desire shot through him as the movement made him harden with want. She must have felt it, because she ground her hips against him, causing a guttural groan to pass from his lips. He returned the favour by palming at her breasts through the soft fabric of the oversized shirt, making her whimper and grind against him with increased urgency.

Phoenix drew back and tugged the shirt over her head. Even in the darkness, Remus could make out the silhouette of her curves. Phoenix had always been slender, but having a child had widened her hips and given fullness to her breasts. Fuck, she'd been a widow just over a month, but all he could think about was being inside her. What was wrong with him?

"Don't stop," she whispered against his neck, kissing across his shoulder. "Please. Don't stop."

Remus's thumbs grazed over her nipples, and he sucked in a breath as he felt them harden beneath his fingers. Phoenix reached down to pull down his boxers, his hard length springing free. Remus groaned loudly as she stroked him. He tugged her undies down and she kicked them off, swinging her leg back over him and shifting to lower herself onto his cock.

Remus thought he might explode from pleasure as she sank down onto him. Phoenix muffled a moan by burying her face into his shoulder. After a moment, she took a deep breath and reached behind him, gripping the headboard to steady her as she slowly rocked against him. Remus's hands flew to her hips and he jerked up to meet her movements.

"Is that good?" he asked, though her moans were proof enough that she was enjoying herself immensely. Phoenix rolled her hips with increasing speed and Remus wound a hand through her dark hair, kissing her neck as she bounced up and down on his cock. She gripped his shoulders tightly, her movements becoming faster.

He palmed at her breasts, taking care not to grope her too hard. She'd mentioned in the past that they were sensitive, but he still marvelled at how full they were in his hands. Phoenix's breathing came in ragged gasps.

"Remus…" Phoenix's moans were getting louder. He was glad that they were having sex in his room, because he had the feeling that her volume would have woken little Cass. He could tell that she was close to climaxing, and he reached down to slip his fingers between her legs. Merlin, she was so wet.

"It's alright, sweetheart," Remus mumbled as he pressed kisses across her collarbone. "Just let go."

Phoenix arched her back, crying out as she reached her orgasm. Remus felt her shudder atop him and groaned he hit his own climax moments later, burying his face in her shoulder. For a few moments there was only the sound of their heavy breathing, before they untangled their sweat-slick limbs.

"I should go back to bed," Phoenix murmured.

As she closed the door softly behind her, Remus had to wonder if she viewed what had happened between them as a mistake. Coming down from the giddy high after sex, he certainly didn't regret it. It had been a moment where all their barriers had come crashing down and they'd succumbed to their passion for each other. Regardless, it had only led to more questions than answers.

They loved each other, but what did that mean? What sort of future could Phoenix ever have with him, a werewolf? Phoenix's daughter Cass was a sweet child, one that he would gladly take in as his own, but could Remus trust himself around them both?


Phoenix had thought her greatest concern was figuring out what was happening between her and Remus, until Kreacher appeared in Sirius's apartment. The owner of the apartment himself was conveniently out with Cass, giving Phoenix a much-needed break. Remus was at work, so Phoenix hadn't been expecting it when the house-elf Apparated in the kitchen. She launched out of her chair, sloshing lukewarm tea on herself. She swore and muttered a spell to dry herself.

"Kreacher! What in the name of Merlin are you doing here?"

"Miss Black needs to come with me." There was an urgency about the house-elf's voice as he held out a hand.

Phoenix folded her arms. "No, you need to tell me what's happening. You can't just Apparate into Sirius's kitchen and say I have to come with you. Did my mother send you?"

"Mrs Black is away with family." Kreacher shook his head vigorously. "Master sent me, only to come when no one else was home at Grimmauld Place. So Kreacher comes."

Phoenix paused, her entire body going rigid. Kreacher was certainly not referring to Sirius, and both Regulus and Orion were dead. Had the house-elf lost his senses, or was there something more at play here?

"Who sent you, Kreacher?"

"Master Regulus."

Phoenix fought back a wave of frustration. "He's been dead for over a year now, what are you talking about?"

"Before he died, Master gave Kreacher a task."

The words rang in Phoenix's ears. A task. Regulus's death had been because he'd betrayed the Dark Lord, hadn't it? Realising that she was only going to get answers if she went with the house-elf, Phoenix placed her trembling hand in his. They Apparated out of Sirius's apartment and into Grimmauld Place. Specifically, Regulus's room.

Phoenix inspected her twin's bedroom. It had been empty for a year now, dust lining the window sill and cobwebs gathering in the corners. Kreacher moved across the room to pull down a piece of fabric, and Phoenix saw it had been covering a set of shelves she couldn't recall having been there before. Kreacher held something out to her, and Phoenix opened her hand to receive a locket.

"What is this?" Phoenix asked in little more than a hushed whisper. There was something evil in that locket, a menace that she couldn't even begin to explain as she turned it over in her hands.

"It is Salazar Slytherin's locket. Kreacher cannot tell you, but he can show you. He can show you the memory of what happened before Master died."

Phoenix thought she was going to be sick. She had been told, all this time, that Regulus had died because he'd betrayed Voldemort. Now Kreacher was here with a locket that Regulus had instructed be given to Phoenix, leaving her with more questions than she had answers.

"Why didn't you tell me about any of this before?" Phoenix demanded angrily.

"Master made Kreacher promise. Kreacher wasn't allowed to tell Mistress until she wasn't with the Rosier boy. It was too dangerous, Master said."

Phoenix took slow steps toward the basin at the bottom of the shelves, and realised she was peering down into a Pensieve. Regulus had stored his memories here. She pressed a hand over her mouth as she realised that her brother had been planning something. She didn't know what, but his death hadn't come suddenly to him. He had taken precautions and left instructions with Kreacher. She doubted it had been a suicide, like their father, but then what had it been?

Kreacher opened a small jar and poured in a silvery strand that must be another memory. The memory swirled in the Pensieve, though Phoenix swallowed hard as she leaned over. She had wanted closure about Regulus's death. What, precisely, did that look like? Regulus had known he was going to die. He had known during the last night Phoenix had spent with him. The thought made fresh tears well in her eyes, but instead of crying she plunged herself into the Pensieve.

It was dark, an inky blackness encroaching on Phoenix's vision as she followed Regulus into what appeared to be a cave. Dread pooled in her stomach as she watched her brother through Kreacher's eyes, gaunt but determined. When he glanced at Kreacher, his dark hair fell into his face and his eyes were wild.

"You remember what you promised me, Kreacher?"

"Yes, Master." There was something in Kreacher's hands, a locket that strongly resembled Salazar Slytherin's. It jingled in the silence as Regulus took a deep breath and leaned over a basin full of green liquid, his face alight in the ghastly gleam. Drawing a cup from his robes, he scooped through the potion and raised it to his lips.

Regulus's scream rang through the cave as he finished draining the liquid. He gripped the side of the basin with one hand, his body convulsing with sobs. If Phoenix had been able to cry, she would have, but all she could do was watch as her twin suffered for a goal she didn't understand. Despite how much it pained him to drink the potion, he took another mouthful.

"Phoenix," Regulus rasped out, "Kreacher, you have to tell her what happened here. Show her your memory of it, if you have to. She needs to understand. Only when she's alone, you can't put her in danger."

Regulus swayed on his feet as he turned back to the basin, pausing before glancing at Kreacher. He looked awful, his face contorted in an agony he was struggling to fight back. Phoenix didn't know what the potion in the basin did, but it must cause unbearable pain.

"I swear, Master." The house-elf's voice wavered with either fear or despair.

Regulus nodded once, before pouring down another mouthful of the vile potion. He screamed and doubled over, staggering down toward the eerie water that Phoenix had barely noticed, lapping against the side of the island where he and Kreacher stood. Gasping for breath, he scooped up some of the cool water and knocked it back.

When he leaned down to scoop up water, pale hands reached up and grabbed him. If Phoenix could have screamed, she would have. She wouldn't have stopped. Regulus jerked back with a shout, and Kreacher's cry of 'Master!' rang through the dark cave. Another pair of hands joined the first, and snarling faces on bloated corpses emerged from the water.

Inferi.

Regulus struggled against them, but the more he splashed in the water, the more attention he attracted. More hands, more spindly arms emerged from the depths to stake their claim. Regulus screamed as the Inferi tugged him with them. Their fingers grabbed his clothes, his face, his hair, and he slipped beneath the surface in a desperate flail of limbs, as all Phoenix could do was watch with horror as her twin brother drowned.

The water was suddenly, horribly still, and the cave was silent.

Phoenix jerked out of the Pensieve with a scream rising in her throat. She fell to her knees and pressed her hands over her mouth. Tears slid down her cheeks as she tried to come to terms with the sudden, violent way in which Regulus had died. She had expected that he had been killed by Death Eaters, but this was much different. Easing her shaking limbs off the floor and wiping her eyes, she glared down at the house-elf.

"What was that, Kreacher?" she demanded. "Regulus wanted to swap the lockets. Why? What is so important about Slytherin's locket?"

Kreacher cowered. "Master did not say. He said he couldn't, so that he wouldn't endanger Kreacher and Miss Black."

"Did it involve Voldemort?"

"Yes, yes. Master Black did this to defy him. That is all Kreacher knows, Master said to keep the locket and give it to Miss Black when it was safe, and that is what Kreacher has done."

Phoenix took a deep breath. This was not Kreacher's fault. He had just carried out the final instructions he'd received from Regulus.

"You did well, Kreacher." Her voice was hollow as she stared down at the locket clutched tight in her fingers, the locket for which Regulus had given his life.

Why had Regulus wanted to destroy it? She didn't understand, and part of her didn't want to. She sat down on her twin's bed, dust flying into the air as she disrupted a blanket that hadn't been touched in over a year.

All this time, she had been told that Regulus had died because he was a coward. The truth was that Regulus had died because he was brave, far braver than anyone Phoenix had ever met. She sobbed into her hands, broken into pieces all over again by the truth of her twin's death. Whatever her brother had been intending, she couldn't follow him. She had a daughter now, and whatever this defiance of the Dark Lord was, she wouldn't let it kill her too.

"I'm sorry, Reggie. I'm sorry but I can't do it. I can't be as brave as you were."

Phoenix shut the locket of Salazar Slytherin away in a cupboard and never spoke of it to Sirius or Remus. She knew it was the coward's route, to ignore her problems, but the quest to destroy it had killed Regulus. Phoenix would be damned if she would lose anyone else. One day, when Cass was older, she might finish what her twin started.

Phoenix fumbled amongst her brother's shelves with blind hands, searching for something that would make the pain easier. Her body trembled as she cried, torn apart once again by her twin's death. Regulus had not died a coward, but a hero. No one else aside from Kreacher might ever know that, but she would.

Phoenix's searching fingers close on Regulus's whiskey. It had been an expensive gift from one of their grandparents, and Walburga had thrown a fit when he'd opened it, claiming that it was something to be saved for a momentous occasion, not just sipped with friends whenever he felt like it. Phoenix twisted the top open and took a deep gulp. It was strong and burned its way down her throat, but she didn't care.

As she drained the last of Regulus's old whiskey and cried on the bedroom floor, she wondered if he could ever forgive her for what she'd done.


Sirius hadn't been expecting Phoenix to go out while he'd had the afternoon with Cass, and he certainly hadn't anticipated her coming home with red-rimmed eyes and too drunk to stand. She stumbled into the apartment with a blotchy face, tears streaming down her cheeks. Whatever reprimands Sirius might have had for her behaviour died on his lips at seeing the misery in her eyes.

"Phoenix? What happened?"

"Did you ever care that he died?" The words were slurred, but the accusation there was clear. Sirius was happy he'd put Cass down for a nap, because he didn't want the kid to be a party to her clearly intoxicated mother.

"Who?"

"Regulus!" She snapped the word, before dissolving into another fit of tears. Sirius didn't know where Phoenix had gone and what she'd done, but something had roused the memory of their brother. He eased himself up from the lounge, walking over to pull her into his arms as she cried into the front of his shirt.

"Of course I cared, Nix. He was my brother, too."

"I just want it to stop hurting," she choked out the words, gripping onto his sleeves as if for dear life, "I thought the pain would go away but it keeps coming back and I don't want it, Sirius. I don't want it."

Sirius felt tears welling in his own eyes. He hadn't truly processed Regulus's death, shrugging it off as his younger brother stupidly turning his back on Voldemort and getting killed for it. That was how Sirius coped with it all, by brushing it off like it didn't matter. Because if he thought about how it did matter, it would break him to pieces.

"That's loss, love." Sirius stroked her dark hair in rhythmic motions, swallowing the hard lump in his throat. "It creeps up on you when you least expect it to."

"What have I got left?" Phoenix asked hoarsely, staring up at him with bright grey eyes. "My twin is dead. My dad is dead. My husband is dead. I'm a nineteen-year-old single mother and I'm so scared, Sirius. I'm so scared Cass is next."

"You have me," Sirius promised her, patting her back and wondering if she needed comfort or maybe he did too, "I won't let anything happen to you, or Cass. I promise."