IMPORTANT: For purposes of this story, Ellen's death occurred before Neal was turned into a little boy, but for right now Neal doesn't know about Sam (he may factor in later). Also, I can't promise that this will be updated regularly because of college, but I will do my best for you guys!
The Book: Chapter One
The dim golden glow of the nightlight showed Peter the safe path from the door to Neal's bed. Clear of any toys that would make noise if he accidentally kicked them or hurt his sock covered feet if he stepped on them, Peter lightly crossed the room, holding his sleeping boy in his arms. With a learned grace and a year and a half of practice, the agent gently laid the four year old in his bed and pulled the covers up tightly around the flannel onesied covered body. Peter's hands found their way through the sleeping boy's unruly hair, before his fingers traced the dried tear stains on pink cheeks. He let out an exhausted sigh, wiped at the tear marks with his thumb and stood from the bed. With one last look at his boy, he left the room and headed down stairs.
Peter sat at the dining room table sipping on a beer. His second of the night if he was counting. He felt his heart thumping in his chest and decided he wasn't. He took another long swig. The glass bottle hit the table with a clank causing Satchmo's head to raise from the floor and look up at his owner.
"It's alright, Satchmo. Everything's fine now."
As he spoke, he realized he was trying to convince himself more than the dog. He ran his hands through his hair before burying his face in them. The afternoon's events flooded his mind, but before they could play out he shook his head and stood from the table. Walking over to the bookshelf, he grabbed some paper and a pen. He sat back down at the table and began writing.
A few hours earlier...
Peter walked into the living room, his head buried in a work file, with the intent of sitting on the couch but something stuck him on the bottom of the foot and he jumped back spitting out a string of curses as the bottom of his heel throbbed with pain. He dropped the file on the ground and began rubbing his sore foot as he looked for the source. He spotted the damned thing an inch away from his foot. It was a little, red horizontal lego at the end of a trail. He followed the row of plastic pieces until it burst into an organized mess all over the living room floor to surround Neal and his masterpiece of a dinosaur that was half the size of Satchmo.
"Neal." Peter tried to keep his voice level as frustration rolled off of him. "Do you...do you think maybe you could keep your legos in a more...designated space instead of...all over the place?"
Neal turned his head for the first time since the agent had entered the room. Peter saw a burst of light in the boy's blue orbs as Neal did his best to keep from laughing at Peter's pain. The boy nodded.
"Yeah? Thanks, Bud." Peter replied, cautiously placing his foot back on the ground and picking up his file while Neal crawled around the floor and pushed his legos into one big pile.
Peter sat down on the couch and studied his son. Neal hadn't spoken today and if Neal was any other boy and Peter was any other father, the agent would have been extremely worried. However, Neal was Neal, and although he was now the four year old son of Peter and Elizabeth Burke after never changing back from some bizarre curse that Neal and Mozzie had stumbled upon, Neal could still remember his memories of being an adult and sometimes trying to process that in a four year old mind was difficult. The Burke's had grown accustom to their son's speechless days and just tried to interact with him as much as possible on those occasions. Peter and Elizabeth had talked about taking Neal to a doctor at first, but knew that if the little boy started to talk about watching the love of his life blow up in an airplane Neal would be ripped from their custody and put into a less than welcoming place. So instead, they decided to deal with it the best they could.
"That's a big dinosaur. If you build it any bigger, you might make Satchmo jealous." Peter chuckled lightly as he watched his son start building another masterpiece. The agent sank back into the couch just as the phone began to ring. Hoping it was his wife, he answered it on the first ring.
"Hello?...Oh, hey Diana...no, no I was just hoping to talk to El...yeah I read through the file. Hold on, let me go in the kitchen."
Peter took one last glance at Neal quietly building a family of dinosaurs before going into the kitchen to go over the case with Diana.
After a few minutes, Peter hung up the phone and returned to the living room only to find a sight that made his chest hurt worse than a bullet to the heart. Neal's legos were still in the floor, but Neal was no where to be seen. The agent wasn't one to expect the worst in situations such as these because the boy had a habit of wandering off into other parts of the house and sometimes playing hide and go seek with the dog, but only twice out of a year and a half had the front door been open like it was now. Both those incidents turned out scaring the hell out of Peter.
The first incident was the night they found Neal as a three year old little boy in their house and he had gotten scared and tried to go back to June's, almost being run over by taxi if not for Peter. The second had come a few months after Neal had officially become Neal Burke. They had found him in the cemetery at Ellen's grave thanks to Mozzie.
Peter ran out of the house as fast as his legs would carry him.
Once he was standing on the sidewalk he looked up and down. At first he saw nothing except a spinning version of New York, but after an attempted deep breath, he was able to see a bit more clearly and make the small frame of his little boy walking up the sidewalk about a block from the house.
"Neal!"
Peter took off running after the toddler who didn't even turn around at the sound of his name. The agent made it to the boy in seconds that felt like minutes and all but gently picked him up into his arms and squeezed him tight.
"Jesus Christ, Neal! What were you thinking? You know better than that! What were you doing?"
Neal wiggled himself out of Peter's death-grip enough to look up at the agent with watery blue eyes. His bottom lip trembling under the pressure of his teeth. "I...I wanted..."
"What, Neal? What is it?" Peter urged impatiently as he still tried to calm his racing heart.
"I want...to see Ellen." The last part was said so quietly that if Peter hadn't partially been expecting the answer he wouldn't of understood.
Unable to keep his sense of panic and anger at the whole situation in check, Peter directed all of it at the small boy in his arms. "That's when you ask to go somewhere, Neal! You don't just go out the front door and walk the streets of New York on your own! You're four years old for crying out loud! Anything could happen to you!"
Neal had the overwhelming desire to bury himself deep down into Peter's arms and chest, but knew he couldn't when the man was so angry at him. Instead, bit his lip harder to keep from crying and wriggled in the hold trying to get down. When his attempts were cut short, Neal pounded tiny fists into the man's chest. "Let me down! Let me go!"
Neal's piercing screams had Peter snapping back to reality and drawing his mind out of his anger. He glanced around to make sure no one was calling in a kidnapping at the sight of Neal trying to get free and pulled Neal's head back to his chest with his hand before rubbing the boy's back gently as he stood there swaying slowly back and forth.
Neal sobs were muffled, but never died down in level of intensity. "I want Ellen! I want...I want..El! I want 'Lizabef! I want Mommy!" Neal's breath hitched as he cried harder into Peter's chest, his small frame shaking with each cry. "Daddy!"
Peter buried his face into Neal's soft, dark curls and closed his eyes against the sadness that gathered in them at hearing his baby cry. He slowly began walking back towards the house. "I know, Buddy. I know. Daddy's here. Okay? It's alright. You're alright."
Back in the house, Peter went upstairs to Neal's bedroom and sat down in the rocking chair with Satchmo sitting close by, worrying in his own way why his best friend was so upset. Neal's cries hadn't let up in the slightest, even as Peter rocked them and spoke softly to him. After a few minutes, Peter stood once more and jogged the boy up and down in a feeble attempt to calm Neal down. It still didn't work.
Peter sighed and laid Neal down on the edge of the bed on his back. Propping himself up with one hand by Neal's side on the mattress, Peter leaned over the crying boy and ran his hand through the toddler's hair.
"Hey. Hey. Come on, Buddy. Calm down, huh?"
Peter gently rubbed the boy's stomach and let a soft smile spread across his weary face when his ears were blessed with soft cries and more hitching breaths rather than wails.
"Ah, see. It's alright. Everything's fine. No need to be so upset, kiddo."
Peter stared down into tearful blue eyes looking up at him and wiped away the stray tears that leaked down his boy's face. He smiled a bit deeper and wiped a few more from the corners. Neal's lip trembled and every once in a while a sob would escape him, but other than that the room was blessed in silence.
Peter spoke very softly so the peacefulness wouldn't be cut. "I'm glad you quit crying. I have something really important to tell you. Now that you're not crying, you wanna know what it is?"
Neal sniffled while nodding his head and grabbed at Peter's hand that was still on his belly with his two tiny ones.
"Okay, but it is really serious." Peter stated, narrowing his eyes just a bit in warning. Neal nodded again.
"Alright...two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted."
Peter watched the little boy blink at him a moment before the joke sank in and the fairly new father could only smile as his little boy tried to keep from grinning. Peter rubbed his hand on Neal's belly again while letting out a small chuckle. "Huh? Come on, I know you want to laugh."
Neal bit his lip hard, but the smile was already creeping onto his face.
"I know you can do better than that!" Peter coaxed him gently until Neal's boyish giggles were heard throughout the room. Peter chuckled along with him, feeling some weight of the situation leave his chest. He sat down next to Neal on the bed and pulled the boy back onto his lap.
The toddler wiped at his eyes as he leaned against Peter. "When will Mommy be home?"
"She will be back Sunday afternoon, Bud. You know that event she is doing in the Hamptons? It's a big deal for her. But just as a side note between you and me, I think she is bringing you back a surprise. You can't tell her I told you, though. Swears it?"
"Weally?" Neal sat up a bit straighter in excitement. Peter nodded.
"But you gotta promise me you won't tell her I told you."
"Swears it."
The agent ruffled the boy's hair. "Good. Now, for the heavy stuff." He looked away as the boy gave him puppy dog eyes. "What you did today was dangerous and irresponsible. You know better and I know you know better."
"Daddy, I-" Neal tried to protest but Peter wouldn't listen.
"The fact that you did one thing you know you're never supposed to do, makes me very disappointed."
"But Daddy..."
"Neal...you scared me to death today. Do you understand that?"
"Dad-"
"Do you understand?"
"Yes!" Neal wailed. "I'm sowwy. I'm so so sowwy. I just..."
"Just what?"
"I didn't want you to be mad at me because I missed Ellen." Neal whispered burying his face under Peter's chin.
Peter sighed and hugged Neal closer to him. "I would never be mad at you because you miss someone you loved. You know what makes me upset? My little boy being upset."
He felt Neal's giggle against his neck, rather than heard it. "Are you laughing at me?" Neal's head shook back and forth against his neck, though he was. "I can't believe it. Here I am trying to rid myself of the cowboy up phrase and you're making fun of my attempts."
Neal sat back and grinned up at Peter. "No. No, you did good. I can appweciate you not saying cowboy up."
"Oh, well thanks. Now, you'll be going to bed early, but how about we do something until then, huh?"
"Kay." Neal replied a little less enthusiastic since his bedtime was being moved up. "What?"
"Do you...still want to go... to the cemetery?"
Neal seemed to think about it a minute, before nodding his head.
The tip of Peter's pen rested on the piece of paper in front of him as his hand struggled to keep up with the memories. He had just finished writing Neal's name at the top with a little comma when the sound of lightly padded footsteps reached his ears. Looking up from his letter, he saw his little boy standing a few feet away fisting his eyes.
"Hey, buddy." Peter's greeted very softly. "Couldn't sleep?"
The boy who had been put to bed two hours earlier for part of his punishment when they had returned from visiting Ellen's grave, nodded and dropped his fists to reveal red-rimmed eyes.
"Come here." Peter motioned and picked the boy up when he had walked over. "Did you have a nightmare?" Neal yawned but shook his head. "No? Then what's the matter sleepyhead?"
"Jus' couldn't sleep."
"Oh. Well, maybe I can be a little lenient on your punishment until tomorrow. We can pretend for a little bit that you didn't disobey while you round up Satchmo and our flashlights while I get the sheets and pillows. What do you say?"
Without so much as a nod, Neal jumped down and ran off while hollering 'Satchymo'.
"I guess that's a yes, then." Peter said to himself as he stood from the table and made his way to the upstairs closet.
Ten minutes later, Peter, Neal and Satchmo were sprawled out in their homemade tent inside the living room. Two flashlights gave off enough light just to see each other as they made shadow puppets and made up stories.
Neal was sandwiched in between Peter and Satchmo and heat from both of them sank into him causing his eyes to droop. Noticing it, the agent turned on his side while putting his arm around the sleepy child. He felt Neal snuggle against his stomach, before Neal said his name. "Daddy?"
"Hmm?"
"Will you sing?"
"What do you want me to sing?"
The was a long pause and for a moment Peter thought Neal had fallen asleep.
"Despewado."
The soft request had Peter pulling the boy even closer to him as the memory of him singing to Neal for the first time came to him. "Sure, kiddo."
Peter ran his fingers lightly through Neal's dark hair as he just studied his son's relaxed face as he sang. And as the song says, 'you better let somebody love you', Peter couldn't help but feeling like the luckiest man in the world knowing that his little boy had chosen him and Elizabeth.
Pulling Neal up from the floor and laying the small boy on his chest and stomach, Peter hugged him close while burying his face in Neal's soft curls. "Please don't ever scare me again like you did today."
Sunday afternoon found Elizabeth walking through the front door of her house into a wrecked living room. Lego dinosaurs were placed around the room along with what appeared to be a wall of pillows to protect the sheet fort in the middle of it all.
"Boys?" She asked cautiously into the silence. Suddenly a head popped out of the fort. "Mommy!"
Neal barreled out of the tent towards Elizabeth who smiled and held out her arms, but the boy never made it to her. Peter came out of no where and grabbed Neal around the waist before throwing him over his shoulder. "Aha! I gotcha!"
"No, Daddy! That's not faiw! It doesn't count." Neal protested while trying to get to Elizabeth. The woman stepped forward and took him from Peter's hold. "Tell him, Mommy!"
"That's right, Peter. I haven't seen my baby in three days, so whatever game you're playing will just have to wait until I catch up on my kisses." She replied, giving the boy in her arms a kiss on the cheek. Neal's face twisted in mock disgust as he wiped the side of his face.
"Icky!" Neal wiggled down out of her hold and ran back into the fort.
"Ohhh, we're playing that game huh?" She questioned, eyeing Peter. "I guess I'll just have to take Peter's side then." El made her way over to the fort, while Peter looked back to the table where his blank piece of paper still sat. He heard Neal shriek, followed by the most beautiful laughter. He could always add to the book later.
Peter entered the fort.
AN: Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think! :)
