Chapter 30: In which we close where we opened
"And that's all we know, so far," Lily said, looking into her friends' solemn faces. Her eyes landed on James, who gave a slight nod. "But we're going to join him. We're going to fight them."
For a moment, the only sound in the cabin was the clickety-clack of the train's wheels as they barreled along the tracks towards London. Lily bit her lip. She and James had talked to Dumbledore twice more since the attack on Marlene. During the second conversation, he had hinted that it might be useful for the Marauders to have someone guiding their efforts to eradicate the Death Eaters from Hogwarts – and all of wizarding Great Britain – rather than continue with schoolyard pranks, regardless of how clever said pranks may be. He had also suggested that Marlene's steadfast devotion and Dorcas' unwavering sense of justice could use an outlet, as well. Lily agreed with him, but now that they had actually invited their friends to join Dumbledore's underground resistance, she wondered if they were doing the right thing. After all, if the events of the last month had made anything clear, it was this: The wizarding world was at war.
Sirius spoke first, his eyes glinting like steel, cold and hard. "So, he's giving us the all-clear to hex those pretentious knobheads on sight?"
James sighed and shook his head. "No. Right now, we just watch and listen. Dumbledore says we need more information. Maybe we'll do a few things like we did before, when we followed the Death Eaters to Diagon Alley, but no dueling."
Sirius blew out a frustrated breath. "What's the point in joining an underground army if there won't even be any dueling?"
"You've seen what they're capable of. No one expects this fight to end without violence," Lily said darkly. "But right now, Professor Dumbledore just needs as many ears to the ground as possible. We need to know how many of them there are now and whether they're having any luck recruiting at Hogwarts. And if there are others who speak against them or stand up in defense of Muggles and Muggle-borns, Dumbledore wants to know about those people, too."
"He's probably privy to more info about it than we are," Remus said wryly. "He already had someone spying on the Death Eaters in Diagon Alley. I doubt we'll be able to gather information he hasn't already got."
"Even Dumbledore doesn't know everything," James countered. "And it's not as though we'd want to wait until the Death Eaters are at our front door to start asking who around us believes in Muggle-born equality and who thinks Voldemort's not half bad. Sure, Dumbledore could tell us who he thinks is on our side, but there's no reason we can't try to figure it out ourselves."
Dorcas tilted her head thoughtfully. "It makes some sense. Maybe he doesn't need our help just yet, but he wants us to start thinking about who we can rely on."
"And as much as Dumbledore knows, we still know each other and our classmates better than he possibly could," Lily added.
"Damn right. I already know who I can rely on," Marlene said fiercely. "It's you lot. Bugger the rest."
Sirius snorted. "I hate to sound defeatist, but if it's just the seven of us and Dumbledore against Voldemort and his army, I expect he'll be named Minister of Magic by next fall."
"But it's not just us!" Lily exclaimed. "Professor Dumbledore already has others involved, and the movement is growing. If people see that there's someone willing to stand up to him, they'll be more likely to do the same."
"You're right," Remus said, nodding slowly. "People need to know that there's a place to go if they want to oppose him."
"Alright." Sirius sighed, his dark eyebrows pulled into a V. "I reckon I'll talk to Andy and Ted. I don't know if they'll want to fight, but they're certainly against Lord Voldemort. Maybe they know of others who are, too."
"Thank you, Sirius. But be careful," Lily cautioned. "I don't doubt they're on our side, but, as the Muggles say, 'carless talk costs lives.'"
"But that's it exactly, isn't it? We're not spies!" Peter blurted out. "We don't know what we're doing. We're going to draw attention to ourselves, asking questions about Death Eaters!"
"Whoa, whoa." James held up his hands to calm Pete. "There's no need to ask any questions about Death Eaters. Sirius is going to talk to Andy and Ted because he knows them already, right? But none of us should be approaching people we don't know to figure out which side they're on."
"Right. We're just listening and observing," Lily reminded him. "Even if we start to think there's someone we can trust, we shouldn't tell them anything just yet. We just need to tell Dumbledore."
"Alright," Pete said reluctantly. "If it's just watching and listening, I count me in, I suppose. I'm quite good at that." He glanced around quickly at the other three Marauders, each of whom was nodding in agreement.
"Exactly. You'd be a real asset, Pete," James said. "And that's all Professor Dumbledore's asking of us."
"For now," Remus said ominously.
Silence settled over the cabin. After a moment, Lily spoke, "Look, we all know this will almost certainly become dangerous. Things have been escalating for quite some time. Voldemort is ready to fight a war." She took a deep breath. James grabbed her hand and squeezed. "I understand if you don't want to sign up for that," she continued. "But I have to. I can't just do nothing while he tries to destroy my world."
"Of course you can't," Sirius said firmly, "and neither can we."
Murmurs of "Yeah" "Of course" and "I'm in" filled the small compartment. When Lily looked around, every person was nodding, the looks on their faces sealing their grim pledge.
Suddenly, she felt like she might cry. "Thank you," she said in a choked voice. "I'm so lucky to have you all as friends."
Sirius smirked, but there was something gentle in his eyes. "No need to get sentimental, Evans. I've been looking for opportunities to fight those ugly wankers ever since I got to Hogwarts. Doing it in your defense is just an added perk."
Lily rolled her eyes and managed a chuckle, but Marlene jumped to her feet, dislodging Dorcas' head from her shoulder. "But it's more than that!" she exclaimed, too fired-up to enjoy Sirius' teasing. "It's not just about the Slytherins or about muggleborns! I mean, yes, Lily's Muggle-born, and she's the most at risk. But the rest of us are half-bloods and blood traitors, too. If Voldemort has his way, Lily's not the only one who will be persecuted. We'll all end up in Azkaban!" Her hands curled into fists at her sides. "This is for all of us. For every witch and wizard in Great Britain!"
Sirius' smirk had faded, and now his jaw was set as he nodded along with Marlene. Dorcas was nodding, too, her eyes shining with pride. Peter audibly gulped.
"Well said," Remus murmured. He glanced at Lily with a wolfish grin. "Didn't I tell you we'd eventually have to stand up and fight for our right to exist? Looks like that day has come."
"It has." Lily looked around the cabin, acknowledging each of her friends in turn. Her eyes bored into theirs as she spoke. "And I'm ready now."
There was nothing more to be said. Marlene pulled Dorcas to her feet and the two girls left to go find their own compartment so they could talk – or not – privately. Citing the need to do a quick patrol as part of their Heads' duties, Lily and James also left the compartment and started walking the length of the train, half-patrolling and half-searching for a place to be alone. Unthinkingly, Lily took James' hand as they walked. He stiffened for a second, blinking down at their clasped hands, and she realized that this was the most public display of affection she'd engaged in since dating him.
It felt good.
Her lips curved in a satisfied smile. She laced her fingers through his and kept walking, eyes straight ahead, pretending not to notice him gawking at her. Eventually, he turned to face front again, as well. His smile was huge.
Then the door to a compartment they were passing slid open, and Severus Snape stepped out.
James' smile dropped away immediately, a sound of disgust emanating from deep in his throat. Snape ignored him, instead meeting Lily's startled gaze with a sneer, his nose wrinkling slightly as if there were an offensive smell in the air. He opened his mouth, presumably to speak, but before he said anything, his dark eyes flicked down and caught on Lily and James' intertwined hands. The color drained from his face, and he froze in place as if he'd been Immobilized. When he managed to look up again, his expression was impassive, but Lily could see the anguish in his eyes. She jerked her gaze away from his quickly, remembering with revulsion his tendency to try to see into her mind.
His lip curled, and he grunted her name through clenched teeth. "Lily." His eyes shifted in James' direction only to find James glaring back at him. Snape snarled, actually snarled like a wild animal, and Lily couldn't tell whether he hoped to intimidate them or his rage had simply rendered him incoherent. She rather suspected it was the latter when, instead of continuing to glower at them, he turned on his heel and marched back into the cabin he'd just exited without another word.
Lily and James stood outside the closed door for a moment, shocked – or confused, Lily wasn't sure – into silence. Then James squeezed her hand, and they continued their walk down the corridor.
"Well, that was unpleasant," he said conversationally. Lily laughed, but it was hollow; seeing Snape had reminded her just how far the Death Eaters were willing to go to achieve their goals.
A short while later, James found an open compartment and ushered Lily inside. As soon as the door shut behind them, he pulled her into his lap. "Alright, Evans?"
"Yeah." She leaned her head against his shoulder. "Just remembering what Snape is capable of."
James hummed in agreement, his arms tightening around her. "He's an evil bastard, and he might not even be the worst of them."
"That's a terrifying thought." Lily sighed. "I hope we did the right thing, inviting everyone to join the resistance."
"We did."
Lily snuggled into him. "It's going to be so dangerous. What if one of them gets hurt like you did? What if next time, Snape kills someone?"
James shook his head slowly, thoughtfully. "They know the risk. After what Avery and Warrington tried to do to Marlene, they know." He brushed his lips across Lily's temple, then lowered his chin until his forehead could rest against hers. She felt his strength and vulnerability entwined with her own, reinforcing what James had been telling her all year – whatever this was, they were in it together. Then he offered her a lopsided smile and further reassurance: "And there's no way we could've kept Marlene and Sirius out of it, even if we'd wanted to. Dorcas and Remus either, honestly."
"That's probably true. Like Marlene said, this fight is all of ours." She returned her boyfriend's smile, though hers was somewhat less confident. "I wish Mary saw it that way, but I can't say as I blame her."
"I think she's wrong," James said flatly. "I still hope she might change her mind, but Dumbledore didn't even mention her among the people we should talk to about the resistance, did you notice?"
"Yeah." She tilted her head thoughtfully. "He knows that not everyone who cares about Muggleborn rights is willing to go to battle over it. And even if right now we're just trying to figure out who's who, we all know there will be a lot of battles before this is all over. Dumbledore needs people who are ready for that." Her brow furrowed with a frown. "What about Pete, though? He didn't seem sure about fighting, either."
James sighed. "He'll be alright. He gets scared—"
"He'd be a fool not to," Lily murmured, and James nodded as he continued his sentence:
"—but he's made of sterner stuff than he seems. He is a Gryffindor, after all."
"You're right." Lily kissed James gently. "And he loves you and Sirius and Remus just as much as you love him. He wouldn't have been able to stand by while you join the fight."
"Yep." James grinned slyly and nuzzled Lily's nose. "But if we're talking about love, I don't want to talk about them anymore."
Lily smiled. "Brilliant," she said softly, "because I don't want to talk at all."
They were deeply engrossed in their non-verbal activities when someone banged on the door to their compartment. They started in surprise and turned towards the noise. Ned Hillsdale, a third-year Hufflepuff, was waving his hands in front of their window, his expression frantic. "Hi, I'm sorry!" he squeaked, sliding the door open. "Someone set a bucket of stink-sap atop the door to the loo, and now Jean Little is covered in it! She's absolutely raging. We don't know how to get it out of her hair, and I can't find Hodges or Bones or any of our other prefects. Could you help us? So sorry!"
James sighed and chuckled at the same time. "Sure thing." He kissed Lily's temple before rising from his seat. "I'll be right back."
She nodded, her cheeks flushed and lips still tingling. Resting her head against the window, she sighed contentedly as she watched the beautiful hills of Scotland roll past. After a moment, she realized she was smiling, a huge, giddy smile that refused to be contained. Strange, the twists and turns of life – this trip was a mirror image to her ride on the Hogwarts Express at the beginning of term. Then, she'd been sitting alone and feeling alone, having lost her father months before and been tossed aside by her mostly-decent but very self-centered boyfriend. Now, she was sitting alone once again, but only temporarily. James would be back shortly. And whether he sat beside her or not, she had never felt more connected, more a part of something, in her life. There wasn't much left for her in the Muggle world, but here she had teachers who believed in her, who valued her opinions, and trusted her instincts. She had friends who were ready to fight for a world that would always include her. Not just for her, but for all of them. And she had a boyfriend who was not only kind but selfless, loving, and brave. His actions demonstrated his love every day, far more than any words ever could. She had everything.
The compartment door opened again, and James stepped back inside, looking amused. "They're sorted." He tilted his head, one corner of his mouth lifting in a crooked grin. "What's got you smiling like that?"
Lily shook her head, her smile growing bigger still. "You."
"Oh, yeah?" His grin widened to match hers. "That's what I like to hear." He slipped into the seat next to hers and tugged her back onto his lap. She laughed as she leaned in to press her lips to his.
"I'm glad we have each other."
"Me, too." He stroked her spine gently, and she shivered. "And I've been thinking…well, I know your Christmas is going to be different this year. At home, I mean."
"Yeah." She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. "It's a bit shit, honestly."
He tightened his arms around her. "I know. So, if you wanted," and his words came out in a rush now, "I thought, maybe, you could come home with me. Come to my house, I mean. For the holiday. My parents would love to have you, and Sirius too, of course. They host a party Christmas Eve and we'll have dinner Christmas day and my mum would be chuffed to have someone to join her for shopping on Boxing Day, if you'd like." His eyes were bright, nervous and full of hope, the gold flecks brilliant in the afternoon sun.
"Thank you. I love you." She brushed her lips over his softly, then more firmly before she pulled away to finish her thought. "And I really do appreciate the offer. But Petunia wrote to tell me she's invited her fiancé for Christmas dinner."
James hmphed. "Seems like all the more reason to come home with me. You don't want to be the third bludger, do you?"
The wizard version of the common idiom made Lily snort. "Well, I certainly wouldn't want to ruin anyone's Quidditch match," she said. "Three bludgers is obviously one too many."
"Exactly! So don't go have dinner with your sister and her probably awful fiancé." He kissed her temple and whispered, with his lips still against her skin, "Come home with me."
She shivered. "I wish I could, love. But she actually said she'd like me to come for Christmas, if I can 'act like a normal person for a few hours.'" Lily had had a strong urge to tell Petunia to fuck off when she received the letter, but Petunia was just as alone in the Muggle world as Lily was now. If she wanted to spend Christmas with her only living relative, Lily wouldn't deny her that. "She's my sister. If she wants me there, I'm going to be there."
"Fine." James pouted. "Can you come after Christmas, then? I can't go ten days without seeing you, Evans, I'll go mad."
Lily giggled again. "I'll try," she promised. "If not, I'll write you a very naughty letter to help you pass the time."
James hummed and leaned in to nibble on her neck. "You should do that anyway."
She slipped her hand between their bodies and rested it on the bulge in his trousers. "Maybe I will." She ducked her head to whisper in James' ear as she gripped his erection through the fabric. "I could tell you how I'd like to touch you like this…" Her hand began sliding up and down in sure, firm strokes and James moaned. He reached between them and began unbuttoning his trousers, then paused. He cradled Lily's bum in one hand, holding her against him, and reached out with the other to grab his wand.
"Obscuro porta," he murmured, and a dark shade appeared over the window in their cabin door. "Perfect. Now tell me more about this letter?"
For the next few hours, Lily and James explored each other's bodies. She told him – In explicit detail – what she would write to him over the break, graciously demonstrating some of her plans as she talked. Between her words and her deft hands, she brought him to orgasm in under two minutes. He promptly returned the favor, kneeling on the floor while she sat on the bench with her skirt hiked up and her legs spread wide. He was working on giving her another one as the train finally pulled into King's Cross. This time, Lily was sprawled across the bench, her back to James' chest one of his hands between her legs and the other cupping her breast, his thumb stroking her nipple as they kissed. She came just as they arrived in London, the train whistle masking her whine of pleasure. James chuckled and kissed her again, then helped her right herself for her departure from the magical world.
Indeed, while James stood to retrieve their luggage, Lily watched her fellow students file off the train with a mix of relief and longing. She was frightened by what was happening at Hogwarts and throughout the wizarding world, but she was no longer afraid she didn't belong there. She was a witch, and her friends were her family.
She was lost in thought, having just wheeled her trunk through the barrier at platform 9 ¾ , when suddenly James whirled her around. She squealed as he pushed their luggage to the side and pressed her up against the other side of the barrier for platform 10. A couple of Muggles frowned at them, but James just winked. They turned away.
He ran his hands through her hair, letting one linger at the back of her neck. "Sorry," he said, with a grin that said otherwise, "I just needed to do this one more time before you go." He lowered his face to hers, and Lily sighed lustily. Their kiss was passionate and deep, but tender. In that moment, they were more than two randy teenagers who couldn't keep their hands off each other. In that moment, they had forever.
Eventually, they separated. James' pupils were blown, and he looked completely lost. But there was no confusion in his voice when he said, "I love you, Lily."
She smiled, imagining she looked as dazed as he did. "I love you, James."
He made a quiet whining sound and kissed her again. "I still love when you say my name," he murmured. One hand still gripped the back of her neck while the fingers of the other tightened at her waist. His lips traced a path from her mouth to her cheek, then her cheek to her ear, where he whispered, "Be safe while you're home, alright?"
"Of course," Lily said breathily. The soft tone of his voice coupled with the way he suckled her earlobe had moisture pooling between her legs again. She threaded her fingers through his hair as he kissed his way back to her mouth and teasingly flicked his tongue between her parted lips to tease her before pulling away again. She whimpered.
"And stay away from Snape, yeah?" He kissed the corner of her jaw, and she arched into him, pressing her chest against his and letting her head drop back against the stone column.
"Mmhmm."
"And owl me if there's any trouble." His breath was coming quickly now, and his lips were hot on her throat, burning a trail to her collarbone. "Merlin, I'll miss you," he mumbled as he dipped his head lower and brushed a kiss over the curve her breast, his mouth warm even through her shirt. She moaned quietly, then bit down on her bottom lip to trap any other wayward sounds. But he'd pressed his thigh between hers now, and she hummed, low in her throat, as her hips rocked forward to meet him. James groaned and his hand slid down to her bum, massaging and squeezing, holding her tight against him. Lily thought she heard someone whistle nearby, but she couldn't bring herself to care.
James' lips, his hands, his hips were demanding, communicating an urgency and intensity that she understood fully as she willed her body to mold to his, now, right here in this train station. She dragged gentle fingernails over his scalp and down the back of his neck, then let her hands slide out to grip his broad shoulders. He was still talking, murmuring more instructions or sweet nothings, perhaps, but it was hard to focus on his words while he sucked on her neck like that. After a few minutes, though – or maybe it was hours? – she recognized her name among his whispers.
"…on Boxing Day? Evans?" he was saying. He stopped kissing her and slowly raised his head. "Evans?"
Lily's eyes blinked open slowly. Her vision was slightly blurry, and her face felt flushed. She was still holding onto James' shoulders as if he were a life raft and she adrift at sea. She took a deep breath, then giggled as she relaxed her death-grip and smoothed her hand over his chest. "I'm sorry love, what were you saying?" She shook her head and smiled up at him, a tiny bit embarrassed that he had apparently been trying to get her attention for a while. "You've driven me absolutely distracted."
James let out a hearty laugh. "Oh, well, that's just brilliant," he said, beaming. His grin and his glasses were adorably crooked. "That was my plan from the beginning."
The End
AN: Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to everyone who has read this whole story! It's my longest story to date, and it ended up exploring themes I didn't necessarily expect when I started it, but I'm very happy with it. It's my baby. I hope you've enjoyed the ride as much as I did! And since this ending is what the romance-reading world calls an HFN ("happy for now"), I will be back with a little epilogue very soon. Thanks again! Love, V
