When Nara Shikamaru first saw himself looking at a blond man's award-winning smile, his first thought was "Troublesome." His second: "I look like a peacock!"
Then he saw the hairnet on the man's head and decided that he wanted out. Immediately.
This was not how he imagined his afterlife to be. He actually just wanted to spend the rest of eternity with his family, playing shogi and watching clouds, but instead he had ended up here.
In front of a mirror.
Surrounded by books titled Magical me.
He was sure Death was out somewhere laughing at him.
How could he have agreed to this deal?
"Do a mission for me, and I'll send you back," the deity had told him, refusing to give up further details.
Shikamaru was convinced that this was somehow Sasuke's fault. He had been the one they had been trying to retrieve, after all.
"Troublesome," the freshly minted chunin grumbled again, ripping the hairnet from his head, and mussing through his blond curls.
Where was he anyway?
And just as important – could he still use his chakra?
The answer to the last question turned out to be yes. He could. His shadows answered easily enough to his calling, and he could still feel the chakra coursing through his veins.
The second question, however, was not so easily answered.
He looked around, trying to find some hints, and finally found two letters on his bedside table next to a strangely shaped pointy stick.
It was written on parchment and Shikamaru took a moment to inspect the strange seal on the envelope.
A snake, a lion, an eagle, and a badger curled around a letter that his mind told him was a "H".
Putting it down again, he picked up the heavy parchment. The letters were foreign, but he could read them, anyway.
Shikamaru chalked it up to this body's abilities and started to read.
Dear Mr. Lockhart,
we are delighted to inform you that your application for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position has been accepted.
Please report to Headmaster Albus Dumbledore on the 30th of August at ten am.
We are looking forward to welcoming you to our staff.
Best wishes,
Minerva McGonagall, Deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts
Shikamaru lowered his letter. He was a teacher? He actually had to give lessons?
He threw the letter on his bed and flopped gracelessly down on his bed. Great. Just great. What was he even supposed to teach?
Grumbling slightly to himself, he grabbed the second letter, glanced over it, and stared.
And stared.
This was a joke, right?
He did not really have to go to a book signing, right?
Shikamaru was really sure now that Death was laughing at him.
Deciding that he really had enough excitement for one day, Shikamaru drew the blanket over his head and went to sleep.
Reality could wait for a few hours.
He woke two hours later with a terrible headache and even more problems. Apparently, his employer had thought it was a good idea to dump all of his current host's memories and experiences onto him during his midday nap.
From the snippets that had already assimilated into his head, Shikamaru could honestly say that this Gilderoy Lockhart was an attention-seeking idiot, claiming other people's feats as his own.
Great. Could he at least not have landed in a decent guy's body?
And what was up with this magic, anyway?
Was it another form of chakra?
Or some similar energy?
Needless to say, this pointy stick Gilderoy was waving around in his memories was rather ridiculous – and extremely dangerous considering the man's powers seemed to depend on a fragile piece of wood.
It was a glaring weakness if he had ever seen one.
He picked up the stick and twirled it between his fingers. Honestly, just a little push and it would break.
He shook his head and glanced at the calendar. 17th of August. That left him two days until the…book signing.
Long enough to familiarize himself with his new surroundings.
Shikamaru sighed deeply and rummaged through the bedside table until he came up with a bag of heavy coins.
He emptied the contents on the bedsheet and allowed Gilderoy's memories to guide him through the currency.
Galleons, Sickles, Knuts.
What strange names.
Putting the coins back into the bag, Shikamaru henged into an average looking brown-haired man and grudgingly went to explore his surroundings.
Shikamaru eyed the buildings around him with veiled interest. They seemed rather old and bore almost no resemblance to Konoha's architecture.
A sign on the opposite wall told him that he was in a place called Diagon Alley. Shikamaru vaguely remembered seeing something like this in Gilderoy's memories.
He sighed again as he saw Flourish&Blotts and walked inside to inspect his future battleground.
A bell rung as he stepped through the door and found himself in what seemed to be a normal bookstore. The only difference being that books were floating around, sorting themselves into shelves, or snapping and growling at customers.
Shikamaru immediately had to dodge a particularly eager book that soared happily over his head.
An employee was running after it, stopping shortly to yell an apologetic "Terribly sorry, sir," at Shikamaru and jumped up to catch the book.
"Troublesome," the boy muttered and went to inspect the shop.
He ended up not only mapping out the entire place but also buying several history and spell books to familiarize himself with the world he had landed in.
Deciding that his immediate concerns had been addressed, Shikamaru returned to the inn, a place named Leaky Cauldron, and ordered himself a lunch to be brought to his room.
He spent the next day immersed in his acquired reading material, only stopping to eat.
At the morning of the 19th of August, Shikamaru found himself heading towards the bookstore, already dreading the upcoming event.
Sighing yet again he sauntered into the bookstore before opening hours and ignored the overly excited "Oh my, it's Gilderoy Lockhart!" one of the female employees screamed when she sighted him.
The store owner greeted him warmly, offered refreshments and proceeded to inform Shikamaru of today's timetable.
The boy nodded at the appropriate points and, much to the staff's surprise, slumped into the chair behind the autograph desk and rested his head on his arms. "Wake me up when you are opening."
The resident people could only watch as today's star took a nap on the desk.
Excited screeching woke him out of his shogi-filled dreams. "It's him! Gilderoy Lockhart!"
"He's so beautiful."
Shikamaru suppressed his urge to groan at the long line of women appearing in front of him, looking at him with glittering eyes.
"Troublesome," he muttered under his breath and lazily signed the first book he had been handed.
The woman threw him a grateful look and almost skipped off, looking incredibly giddy.
"Mr. Lockhart" the next one told him excitedly. "I am your biggest fan! You are just so brave!"
She sounded like a grown-up version of Ino fawning over Sasuke.
It was too much.
Shikamaru quickly excused himself, proclaiming that he would fetch his best quill for his biggest fan and ducked into the empty staff room.
Two minutes later an Earth clone left the room to continue being fawned over, while a henged Shikamaru left the shop, intent on hunting down a shogi board.
Albus Dumbledore looked at the man in front of him. Gilderoy Lockhart had not been his first choice as teacher. Not even his second or third. But he was his only one.
To his great surprise he did not get confronted with an egomaniac intent on furthering his own popularity, but with a man who seemed to have a distinct…lack of enthusiasm, to put it mildly.
In other words, the newly appointed Defense Professor looked like he very much wanted to take a nice long nap.
"Are you looking forward to the new year, Professor?" he inquired, trying to get the man's motivation up.
"Yes, headmaster," Professor Lockhart answered, sounding rather unenergetic. "I am." Not. He added mentally.
"Excellent,", Dumbledore smiled widely at him. "Then I will leave you to get acquainted with the grounds. I expect to see you tonight for dinner. Minky will show you around."
As if summoned, a strange creature popped into the room, Shikamaru absently identified her as a house elf.
"Of course," Professor Lockhart agreed, looking at the elf. "Your name is Minky, hm?"
The elf nodded emphatically. "Yes, Professor Lockhart, sir."
"I see," Shikamaru muttered. "So, know any good napping places?"
Dumbledore watched as the man left the office, intently listening to Minky listing off rooms, cupboards, and patches of especially soft grass.
It seemed like this school year was bound to be rather interesting.
A/N
Just something silly I suddenly thought up. I don't think it will be very long, but who knows what will happen? *xD*
Important side Note: This is being written sorely for fun, so I won't be bothering too much with checking facts.
I am using this account as a hide-away and to unwind from my serious WIPs, so please don't bother leaving any criticisms on this story, be it positive or negative. You are just wasting your time because I won't act on it.
If this (or my attitude is bothering you), then this fic is not for you.
If not, I wish you lots of fun with Shika and his adventures. =)
