The radio crackled, static rushing rhythmically like a river. It filled the night with an electric buzz, a steady soundtrack accompanied with the ambience of an urban night.

Ymir had no idea how long the noise had been dragging on. Her attempt of recalling her memories of the past few hours were met with a muddled mess of misery. Time was a taunting terror that had lost its meaning.

Her vehicle was parked, sitting across the street from a familiar apartment complex that she had never stepped foot in. Ymir's somber gaze traveled towards one of the many windows that the building had. A warm glow emitted from the window, a comfort of domesticity that mocked her with a stab to her chest.

There was a dark figure, masculine, casting his presence against the window. Another figure was by his side, much smaller and child-like.

Ymir couldn't hear it but her memories of a pure giggle of innocence were able to manifest and echo in her mind like a beating drum that couldn't get enough of it's sound. The bigger figure lifted the child, a girl, up. He spun her around in joy. The vibrancy of their energy matched with the warm glow that embraced their bodies.

Ymir's eyes flitted away, frowning with grief. She took a drink from a glass bottle, the taste of alcohol as bitter as her mood. Sadness overwhelmed her and an anger started to brew, boiling in her veins.

Ymir moved the gear shift into drive and pressed her foot on the gas. The radio jittered for a moment and Ymir scowled at it, annoyance crawling underneath her skin. Her hand moved to turn the knob and search for a better station. Something to drown out the static.

Voices were mingled. Music was hollow and distant. She paused on a station, the mellowness of an indie song filling her car. Ymir leaned back into her seat, gripping the steering wheel and mumbled unnecessary curses as the pressure on the gas pedal increased.

Her brain was too slow to really process the music that was as melancholy as she had been for the past few months.

The sudden screech of the car's tires jolted her out of her daze before she turned up the volume and continued weighing down on the pedal. She wanted to get as far from that stupid building as possible. It's warm comfort is a haunting threat to Ymir. A warm comfort that had been created without her. For a little girl that lived happily without Ymir. Ymir should be relieved that at least the girl was fine and not shaken up from the absence of Ymir but there was a selfish part of Ymir that kept her from feeling that way.

The reflection of a red street light blinked onto her windshield and Ymir growled, as if the streetlight was an insult. She passed by it, dismissively. Not caring about what it had meant. Everything passed by her car in a blur, mushed together to represent some abstract art that others would cry over. The moon hung high above, a crescent of cruelty.

Ymir felt blood pump into her ears. Her heart started to drum along with the music that didn't mean anything to her. She couldn't comprehend the lyrics, the instrumentals only taking an affect on her body. Her car yelped at a sharp turn, the vehicle swerving on barley populated streets. Along with the pounding of the car's speakers, she could make out the angry and quite concerned honks of passing drivers. She ignored them.

A rush of primal frustration exploded inside her, like a half-heartedly thrown bomb. Her throat tightened and her eyes started to burn with tears. She just had to lose. She just had to lose her daughter. And it was all her fault. Her own stupid fucking fault. She wasn't good enough. She never seemed to be good enough. A scream erupted from her mouth, a sound that flirted with hysteria.

She let loose of the steering wheel, hitting herself in a drunken fit of anger.

Sirens graced the air from outside her car, bright lights flashing in Ymir's rearview mirror.

Her almost grey eyes glared at the sight and she slammed on the brakes, her car shrieking with alertness.

The vehicle behind her was just able to stop mere inches away from knocking onto her car's rear bumper.

Ymir's fingers extended out to lace themselves around her beer and she chugged the rest down. She wiped at her face, trying to get rid of her tears. She muttered miserably, "Fuck."

"You're lucky, Ymir."

"Am I?"

"Yeah."

"Well, shit."

Eren failed to take humor in Ymir's tone.

She looked at him, trying to focus on his unamused features. Her mouth was crooked foolishly. Her head was throbbing. Soberness was a pain.

Eren glowered at the taller girl. "It's 3:30 in the morning."

"Is it?"

"A simple thanks would be enough," Eren's eyebrows knitted together and she could see the sleepiness lingering in his green eyes. He added, matter-of-factly, "You're lucky to have a friend who was willing to pay for your bail and speeding ticket."

"Yes," Ymir agreed, her tone sluggish. "I'm lucky that you're rich."

Eren shoved her, a light force that was enough to have her stumbling down the police station's staircase. She tripped on the last step, falling to her ground. As her hands made contact with the ground, the concrete scraped her skin. She could feel her bony knees pressing harshly against the pavement. She could feel her bones and how they ached.

"Look at you," Eren approached her, his voice barely a whisper. She lifted her head to look at him. His green eyes were lush with pity. "You're way too skinny, Ymir, you look so sick."

His pity was enough to break her. Her lips curled in a cruel smile and she spat out at him, "Isn't that a fucking shame?"

Eren shook his head, taking a deep breath and offering a hand. "Are you still drunk?"

Ymir took his head and as she stood up, the world started to spin. A wave of sadness rushed forward, clashing with her dizziness. Ymir felt herself crumble as guilt and grief started to consume her body. Her legs gave out and she collapsed back onto the ground. Each breath she took caused her skinny frame to shudder with vulnerability. She wished she could feel numb, so all the pain would go away.

"You went to go see them, didn't you?" Eren didn't need her to reply to know the answer. She sensed his presence kneel down beside her and he placed a hand on Ymir's shoulder.

Tears were acid on her cheeks, sliding down her face and dripping onto the concrete. Her fingers curled into fists and she raised them to whack herself on the sides of her head repeatedly. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK." Eren tried to pry away her hands but she was able to land a few more blows before he managed to get her to stop.

Eren helped her walk towards his car. They chose to abandon Ymir's car at the station, it was a piece of shit anyways. He silently promised they would go pick it up when she felt better, though. Ymir couldn't understand why he had to be so nice to her. After everything.

Ymir made short sniffs the whole way back to Eren's house. Her vision grew dark as she felt the night's events catch up to her. Her eyes still burned and she could feel the stickiness of her tear stains on her freckled cheeks.

Eren had always been a supporting friend towards Ymir. She couldn't understand why he still tolerated her, especially now.

The drive was short as they pulled into one of the wealthy neighborhoods and parked onto his driveway. Eren was rich, some of it because of his father, Grisha Yeager and the other part because of Eren's ambition. He and his half brother, Zeke, were supposed to be following in their dad's footsteps as doctors. Eren was the only one who actually did and he was making good money out of it. Eren lived a rather fulfilling life when compared to Ymir. She envied him for it sometimes.

Some time during the drive, when she was gazing out the passenger seat's window, daydreaming as blurry lights passed her by, she had fallen asleep. Ymir wasn't aware when two pairs of strong arms, which had belonged to Eren and his wife, Mikasa, carried her to their living room's sofa. She didn't feel the blankets being thrown onto her. Never heard the mutterings of a couple that were on the verge of bickering because of Ymir.

What Ymir was aware of, was herself.

In a lucid dream, she stood alone in an empty void whose darkness attached onto her and dragged her down.

She plummeted.

Her limbs flailed helplessly as she tried to grab onto a steady ground.

Ymir met the invisible bottom with a thud, the pain that filled her was a mental trauma instead of a physical flare. Humanoid shapes of white soared up, hovering over her in a mocking manner. They were laughing.

She spotted the shape of a little girl giggling. Her little girl. Smiling. Ymir's absence in her life hardly bothered the girl.

A larger shape stepped forward, the familiarity of his posture enough to identify him. His empty eyes gaped with hollowness and he said things that she couldn't understand. His voice was similar to the static that her car's radio spewed out eerily. It echoed in her head before a whisper broke through the static. Speaking over the fuzzy mess in her hear and saying clearly, "It's over."

Ymir cried in her nightmare.

She cried in her sleep.

Original Written Date: June 2, 2018.

Rewritten/Revised: January 14th, 2021.