A/N: Hello everyone! This was just a bit of fun to work on between bigger stories and originally it was only meant to be a one-shot. When it ended up being longer than expected, I split it into two chapters, so you guys can look forward to at least one more chapter after this c:
"I don't want to test it," Fred said, crossing his arms in front of his chest and staring at George, who stood on the other side of the workbench in their workshop.
George cocked an eyebrow and said, "I don't want to test it either. I was the guinea pig last time around!" The twins stared at each other, but after a few seconds George sighed and asked, "Rock, paper, scissors?" Fred nodded and held out his hand.
"Rock, paper, scissors, go!"
"Fuck!" Fred exclaimed as a grin spread on George's face. "You know I hate coconuts!" Laughter rang through their workshop because Fred's petulant tone and the face he pulled were just too much for his twin.
"Yes, I know, now shut up and try the macaroons." It was only fair that Fred tried them despite his, frankly strange, hatred of coconuts. The last invention they'd tested on George had left him unable to sit for days and as much as he loved their work, it was Fred's turn. Fred rolled his eyes, grabbed one of the fluffy-looking coconut macaroons on the table between them and stuffed it in his mouth, grimacing as he chewed. Swallowing the baked good took all of his willpower, but somehow he managed it and a second later he vanished with a 'poof'. George walked around the table to find a perfect fuzzy, brown coconut sitting on a pile of clothes.
"Oh, we'll have to fix that," George muttered, picking up the coconut and the clothes and putting them on the table. Of course he didn't mind Fred popping back into human form naked (nothing he hadn't seen before after all), but they wouldn't be able to sell the Mutating Macaroons like this. Turning into a coconut for a few minutes? Harmless fun! Divesting whoever was turned into a coconut of their clothes without their knowledge at the same time? Disgruntled customers galore. Prodding Coconut Fred and not getting any reaction whatsoever, George pulled one of the stools out from under the workbench and sat down. He scribbled down some notes on the paper with their coconut potion recipe while waiting for Fred to turn back. The macaroon's magic should only last for five to ten minutes, giving him enough time to come to some preliminary conclusions and ideas on how to fix the clothes thing.
George had started doodling on a spare piece of parchment after a few minutes, filling it as the seconds ticked away. It had been nearly 15 minutes since Fred had turned into a coconut and he hadn't changed back yet. Maybe their dose had been too strong. Dropping his pen, he picked up the coconut and clothes and went back up to their flat. Since it was getting rather late, there was no point waiting around their workshop any longer. During the day, or rather whenever their shop was open, they didn't have time to work on new inventions, so it usually had to wait until night-time, which meant they could only ever get so much done. Putting Coconut Fred on their coffee table, George flopped down on the sofa and turned his head to keep an eye on his currently not-so-identical twin. Another 15 minutes passed and George was bored beyond belief even as he flipped through a journal on recent potions research.
"Whatever are we going to do if you don't turn back?" George asked offhandedly, glancing at Coconut Fred who started wobbling slightly. Raising his eyebrows, George sat up and watched Coconut Fred roll off the table and land on the floor with a loud 'thwock'.
"Hey now! Don't break yourself," George said, picking up Coconut Fred and furrowing his eyebrows. "Guess it's been long enough. Don't go rolling off the table again, I'll try to turn you back." He put Coconut Fred back on the table and pointed his wand at him, saying, "Finite Incantatem." Fred remained a coconut.
"Figured that would have been too easy." He ran through a number of spells to end the effect of the Mutating Macaroons, jotting them down on a piece of parchment to keep track of what he'd tried already. As chaotic as they were at times, their work required a certain amount of organisation, especially when it came to damage control. Seeing as none of the spells so far had had any effect, George tried a spell he'd only seen mentioned in a paper once. It was a bit of a last ditch attempt. Coconut Fred began to glow for a moment and George held his breath, tentatively optimistic that this one might be a success at last. The glowing stopped after a few seconds. Fred remained a coconut, albeit a green coconut rather than the more common brown variant.
"Well, shit. That's all the transfiguration spells I know," George said, leaning back and ignoring the niggling feeling of regret that it hadn't been him who'd tried the Mutating Macaroons. Fred shook angrily and George quickly said, "Don't worry! I'll take you to Hermione tomorrow, we can crash her class." The trembling stopped. Breathing a sigh of relief, George took Coconut Fred along to his bedroom and got ready for bed. He put the coconut next to himself, pulling the covers over them. It wouldn't do for Fred to get bored during the night, all alone in their living room, and fling himself off of their coffee table again. Keeping him by his side during the night seemed like the sensible solution.
"Good night, Fred. I know it can't be easy being green." The coconut turned over once as though refusing to look at him. George chuckled and and flicked Coconut Fred once before settling down, falling asleep just a little later with a smile on his face.
Hermione'd had a great day so far. The weather was surprisingly good for autumn in Scotland, giving them all a break from the grey and dreary skies they'd experienced for the last month and a half. She had a quiet breakfast in the Great Hall during which none of her colleagues wanted to engage in idle chit-chat and simply left her to her newspaper as she had her morning cuppa. There was a spring in her step as she walked to her classroom well ahead of time to prepare her first lesson of the day. Her first couple of classes surprised her by being well-prepared for once. Hardly anyone needed reminders of their work from last time and those who did managed to catch up quickly. It was shaping up to be one of those days - one of the rare ones that made her realise why she loved her job so much. After lunch and halfway through her next class it turned into another one of those day - the kind that made you regret having had high hopes to begin with.
Just as she was about to ask her students a question about the theory behind the newest spell they'd been practising (the Lapifors Spell), George Weasley walked into her classroom, holding a coconut that was dressed in one of Mrs Weasley's knitted scarves as well as a bright yellow, woollen bobble hat. Her class of third year Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors turned around and started whispering as George sat down in the very last row, where there were a few more empty seats. He was smiling at her pleasantly as he put the coconut on the desk and mouthed 'hi'. Hermione frowned, momentarily losing her train of thought, before clearing her throat and telling her students to ignore their visitor and answer her questions instead. Hermione was certain her students would have been able to focus their attention back on the lesson again had it not been for George raising his hand at every question she asked, making her furrow her brows whenever her eyes landed on him and his dressed-up coconut. Completely losing her focus once more after a few more minutes of this, Hermione sighed and said, "I want a fifteen inch paper from all of you on the history, uses of and theory behind the Lapifors Spell. I'd also like you to practice the spell before next class. Class dismissed." Groaning turned into chatter as the students packed up their things and left the classroom in small clusters, most of them giving George strange looks. Hermione leaned against her desk, crossing her arms in front of her chest and gave George and expectant look. "Where's your better half then?"
George pressed a hand to his heart and gasped. "Why must you hurt me so? I am the better half!" He walked over to her desk, coconut in hand, pouting when she snorted.
"Of course you are, George," she said with a roll of her eyes. "The question still stands though. Where's Fred?" George pointed at the coconut, chuckling when Hermione tilted her head to the side and looked at him as if she thought he'd lost it at last.
"No way. You're pulling my leg," Hermione said after a couple of seconds, prodding the coconut in disbelief.
"He tried a new product and for some reason he isn't turning back. I've tried these spells," he pulled a piece of parchment from his jeans pocket and handed it to her, "but none of them worked. Obviously. The last one did turn him from a brown coconut into a green one though."
Hermione studied the list of spells, wordlessly casting a couple of them on the coconut, but nothing happened. She was surprised and a little bit impressed that George had tried out so many spells already and asked, "How come you're not more freaked out by this?"
George shrugged. "Remember your birthday party last year?"
"The one you didn't come to?" Hermione cocked and eyebrow and pursed her lips. She was still a little miffed that Fred had told her he and George would show up only for them to not make an appearance all night and to refuse to tell her why afterwards.
"Yeah, well, don't get your knickers in a twist again," George mumbled, his ear reddening slightly. "We got locked in our workshop. Took us a few days to get out again."
Hermione stared at him incredulously again. "God, you two -"
"Point is!" George interrupted her, making her narrow her eyes at him. "This isn't the first time one of our experiments has gone wrong, but I figured you could help, being the transfiguration professor and all." He waved his hand around, gesturing at the coconut and gave her an almost pleading look.
"Right," Hermione said with a sigh, rubbing her temples. Just how had her day turned so quickly? "Go on, put him on my desk then. And take off the scarf and the bobble hat. Why is he wearing those anyway?" George, for once, did as he was told and she took a couple of steps back from her desk, watching the slightly shaking coconut.
"Thought he'd be cold since he's no longer one of those brown and fuzzy coconuts," George provided helpfully, ginning widely and Hermione just shook her head. She waved her wand slowly, drawing a complicated pattern, muttering under her breath the whole time, but the coconut didn't react. At least this confirmed that this was a transfigured human, but the reversal spell had most certainly not worked. Admittedly George hadn't left her much to try, but some of the obscurer spells most people didn't even know about. If worst came to worst, Hermione could always send George on his merry way to the Headmistress and have him explain this to her.
A good fifteen minutes later, Hermione had rolled up the sleeves of her robes, the sweat beading on her forehead the only sign as to how much magical energy she'd already used in her attempt to turn Fred back. She could feel the magic that kept him in his form, felt it slip from her grasp at the last moment and it made her huff in frustration. Swaying slightly on her feet, Hermione lowered her wand for a moment, but before she could try yet another spell, George had walked over to her, stilling her hand.
"You okay there, Hermione?" he asked her, taking a closer look at her face and tutting. "I didn't mean that you should exhaust yourself for this." George's voice was soft as he looked her over.
"It's frustrating. I can feel the magic, it's just out of my reach," Hermione said, poking George with her wand and rubbing the sleeve of her robes over her face.
"Watch where you stick that," George said, taking a step back and the corners of Hermione's mouth twitched as she suppressed a smirk.
"How exactly does your new product work? Is it a charm, a potion?" Hermione asked, walking back over to her desk and taking a closer look at the coconut. "Maybe that's causing the problems with the reversal." She pulled back with a yelp when the coconut rolled in her direction.
George laughed at the undignified sound escaping her and stopped Coconut Fred from rolling off the table. "First of all, we're calling the product he tested Mutating Macaroons. They're coconut macaroons that have had a potion added to them as well as a charm. They didn't work with just the charm or potion. Had to be both," George said and Hermione looked at him thoughtfully. Before she could voice an opinion on that, George pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to her. "That's the spell and the recipe for the potion. I think the potion's the most likely to have gone wrong because the spell we used is pretty straight-forward." Hermione nodded as she saw the spell - she couldn't imagine it leading to such complications. Carefully, she read over the recipe as well as the notes in the margins where the twins had made adjustments to the ingredients or how to brew them. Unfortunately, there were no ingredients on the list that would have led her to believe they were responsible for Fred's current predicament. She pulled out a piece of parchment from one of the drawers in her desk and placed it on top of the piece of paper. Casting a copying spell, the recipe transcribed itself onto the parchment, albeit somewhat cleaned up. George had raised his eyebrows, looking at her suspiciously.
Hermione waved her hand impatiently. "Relax, I want to consult Malfoy on this. I'm guessing something went wrong because you layered a spell and potion, but he's far better prepared to tackle the potions part of the problem since I don't see anything wrong with it." George relaxed and nodded, putting the hat and scarf back on Coconut Fred. "You know, you should stop by Minerva's office. Perhaps she has a quicker solution for this."
"Guess I should. What's the password?" George asked, leaving the classroom with Hermione, who had slung her over-stuffed bag over her shoulder.
"Portable Swamp," Hermione said with a grin and George looked at her like Christmas had come early while the coconut in his arms vibrated as though shaking with laughter. When they got to the stairs where their paths diverged, George pulled her into a one-armed hug, saying, "Thanks for your help, Hermione. Feel free to drop by our place after your chat with Malfoy. I'll treat you to dinner if you like." Hermione hugged him back and shrugged once he'd let go of her.
"I'll see how my chat with Malfoy goes first." Hermione had already taken a couple of steps in the direction of the dungeons, but turned back around and added, "And only if you're not cooking." He flipped her off, walking up the stairs and she started laughing as she made her way towards the lower levels of the castle. Hermione knew that Malfoy had a free period at the end of the day, just like her, but she wasn't sure if he'd be in his office, his quarters, or the potions classroom, working on something or another. After the war had ended, Malfoy had lost most of his estate as a result of his family's allegiance with Voldemort, but he'd worked hard during his last year at Hogwarts. She'd grudgingly had to admit that he hadn't just tried to change, he had changed - even more so when he was offered an apprenticeship with Professor Slughorn, who wanted nothing more than to retire. Hermione and Neville had been offered apprenticeships at the same time and over the three years, they'd had to work together quite a few times, their mentors taking advantage of the fact that there were three apprentices, who were always at the same stage in their training.
On her way through the dungeons Hermione had glanced into the potions classroom, finding it devoid of students or the potions professor. Her next stop was Malfoy's office, where she sharply knocked on his door. Malfoy told her to enter and with a small smile on her face she walked into the room. A dungeon office could only change so much, but Malfoy had done the best he could with it ever since he'd moved in. There were touches here and there that reminded her of Snape - one shelf housed jars filled with weird liquids and things floating in them, but it was only one shelf. Most of the shelves that lined the room were filled with books and a couple of pictures. There was also a workbench to the side, where a potion was set to simmer, while Malfoy was working on some paperwork at his desk. A stack of essays was piled in front of him and it was obvious he was in the middle of grading, red ink dripping from the quill he was holding over the parchment as he looked up to see who had come to bother him. Hermione raised her eyebrows and Malfoy realised the quill had dripped. A string of expletives left his mouth and he quickly pulled out his wand to remove the splatter. Chuckling to herself, Hermione closed the door and walked over to Malfoy's desk, sitting across from him and dropping her bag on the ground next to the chair.
"Sorry to disturb you, Malfoy, but I'd like your help with something," Hermione said without preamble, crossing her legs and looking far too relaxed in his office.
Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Hello, Granger. How're you today? Me? Oh, I'm fine, thanks for asking," he said, putting his quill aside and steepling his fingers as he leaned back in his chair.
"Oh come on, you want idle chit-chat about as much as I do," Hermione said, the smirk on Malfoy's face telling her that she wasn't wrong.
"Alright, what does the mighty Hermione Granger need help with then?" Malfoy asked and Hermione snorted, putting the piece of parchment that had the Weasley twins' potion recipe on it in front of her colleague.
"George Weasley just visited me. They've been testing a new product and have run into a bit of a problem," Hermione explained as Malfoy leaned forward, curiosity clear at the eagerness with which he picked up the parchment and scanned the recipe. About to tell him more, she thought better of it, wondering if he'd be able to guess what the problem was just from the spell and the recipe. When she didn't continue, Malfoy glanced up at her and chuckled at her expression, the challenge clear in her eyes.
"You know how good I am at this," Malfoy muttered, focusing his attention back on the recipe, drawing on his years of experience with potions. He'd always had a knack for the subject after all.
"Can't hurt to prove it every once in a while," she said, but Malfoy ignored the comment, completely engrossed in the recipe he'd never seen before. Of course he'd seen similar potion recipes before, but there was an efficiency to this that was quite intriguing. Not that he would say as much to Hermione, never mind the Weasley twins themselves. After a few minutes, Malfoy got up and pulled a couple of books from the shelves around his office, flipping through them with ease. All the books in his office actually looked like they'd been read several times over and reminded Hermione of her own personal library that looked similarly well-loved. A small yawn escaped her when, minutes later, Malfoy still hadn't spoken up.
"Patience, Granger," Malfoy said, slamming one of the books shut, the sudden noise nearly making her jump. "So Fred Weasley is a coconut?" he asked, an actual grin on his face and Hermione nodded, laughter bubbling from her.
"Indeed. None of the transfiguration spells George or I tried turned him back, so we figured the problem might be that they layered a spell and a potion. What do you think?" Hermione tilted her head to the side slightly, watching Malfoy as he glanced down at the open book.
"That probably factors into it, but the bigger problem is that they used desiccated coconut. This is a potion of their own invention, but you can find potions achieving similar effects in these," Malfoy explained, pointing at the two books on his desk. "They most likely know this, but there's a difference between fresh ingredients and dried ingredients, differences depending on how far certain plants have aged, differences based on when they were harvested. Many factors that could cause an imbalance."
Hermione nodded, aware of the theory behind potion ingredients. "So they used more powerful ingredients and didn't adjust the recipe properly." Malfoy gave her a wry smile and she sighed. "Any idea on how to turn Fred back?"
"I should be able to brew something up, but it would have to be layered with a spell since their product did the same thing. The potion shouldn't take longer than a week to make, however." Hermione didn't even want to imagine what it would be like to live a coconut for a week - from the look on Malfoy's face a similar thought crossed his mind.
"Well, at least I can work on the spell. Thank you, Malfoy. Let me know if you need help with anything or if you need ingredients that are hard to come by for the potion," Hermione said, getting up from the chair and smiling at Malfoy.
"Sure," Malfoy said, a glint in his eyes as he looked up at her face. "You owe me one?"
"I'll buy drinks next time we're out if you manage to make a potion that works," Hermione offered and Malfoy nodded. Returning the nod, Hermione left the office and went back to her own quarters. Once she was back in her room, she chugged her robes, changing into some comfortable muggle clothes before flooing to Fred and George's flat above Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes in Diagon Alley. She figured Minerva wouldn't have entertained the twins for too long and it had taken Malfoy quite a while to figure out how the two of them had messed up this time.
"Portable Swamp," George told the gargoyle guarding Professor McGonagall's office, winking at it when it hesitated for a moment before allowing him entry. Grinning, he knocked on Professor McGonagall's door and entered when she said, "Do come in, Mr. Weasley." George figured the wards of the castle must have alerted Professor McGonagall when he had entered the grounds - being the headmistress had to have its perks.
"Minnie!" George exclaimed as his former Head of House sighed and gave him a stern look over the top of her glasses. "Why I had no idea you enjoyed our products." He could have sworn that the corners of her mouth twitched for a moment, but just a second later her expression returned to the stern mask he and Fred had been confronted with so many times during their career at Hogwarts.
"To what do I owe the pleasure?" McGonagall asked, ignoring his comment and the coconut he was carrying as she gestured for him to sit down. George obliged and put Coconut Fred on the table between the two of them. Her eyes flickered to the dressed up fruit and she raised her eyebrow ever so slightly.
"Fred and I were testing a new product when we ran into a bit of a problem." George glanced away from her for a moment, taking in the way the office had changed since Dumbledore's times. It was tidier, he realised. Even the wall with the portraits of the former headmasters and headmistresses had changed, because portraits of Snape and Dumbledore had been added. While the majority of them still pretended to be sleeping, Professor Dumbledore's blue eyes were twinkling down at him across half-moon glasses and his former headmaster winked at him, clearly amused by their mishap.
"Do you mean to tell me that this is your brother?" Professor McGonagall asked, her nostrils flaring as she gestured at Coconut Fred.
"Yupp!" George couldn't help but miss school momentarily because of the look Professor McGonagall gave him now - she'd probably looked at them like this hundreds of times. Well, him or Fred. It was the one she reserved for whenever they'd done something truly stupid. Before she could scold him and make him well and truly feel like an ickle Hogwarts student again, George said, "I've got a list of spells I've tried to turn him back and Hermione's tried a few others, but nothing either of us did worked." He fished the paper with the list of spells they'd tried out of his pocket again and handed it to McGonagall. "Obviously, otherwise I wouldn't be sitting here. And neither would Coconut Fred." Shaking her head, Professor Mcgonagall scanned the list of spells, pursing her lips.
"You've been studying transfiguration spells that are beyond even NEWT-level material," she commented, surprise and something else in her voice that he couldn't quite place. Was it pride?
He felt his ears redden and shrugged, "We're taking the joking business very seriously. Believe it or not, we try to avoid accidents and mishaps wherever and whenever possible." Professor McGonagall gave him one of her rare smiles at that.
"Between you and Hermione you haven't left much for me to try. One or two spells at most. Do you have another plan should neither of those work?"
"Hermione's talking to Malfoy right now. She thinks the problem might be that we've used both a potion and a spell on our new product and the layering messed with something." Professor McGonagall contemplated that for a moment.
"That is certainly a possibility," she said, but got up nonetheless, pulling out her wand and pointing it at Coconut Fred. The magic flared as she cast the first spell - it was so strong that George could feel it and the sheer power gave him goosebumps. The portraits were sneaking glances at the Headmistress as the magic flared up, it was pretty unusual for them to get such a show after all. Even for George there were very few times when he'd seen Professor McGonagall pull out all the stops, but everyone had known she was powerful in her own right. She wouldn't have been Dumbledore's second-in-command had she not been. Even so, it was always impressive to witness it in person. Instinctively George scooted back when Coconut Fred began to glow. He kept glowing for a few seconds until the Headmistress lowered her wand, brows furrowed and lips pressed together into a tight line. Fred was still a coconut.
Rolling her shoulders and clearing her throat, McGonagall raised her wand a second time, muttering an incantation under her breath that George couldn't quite make out. He could tell that she kept repeating the same words over and over, but she was speaking too low for him to make out the exact phrase. Again, Coconut Fred glowed. Again, he kept glowing for a few seconds. Again, it wasn't Fred Weasley sitting on Professor McGonagall's desk once he stopped glowing. The Headmistress let out a long breath. "I'm very sorry, Mr. Weasley, it appears he will have to remain a coconut for a while longer. I would begin considering your options in case Draco and Hermione cannot come up with a solution together." George gaped at McGonagall for a moment, not quite sure if she was joking or being serious. He'd just assume the former.
"Thank you for trying. I knew there was a reason why you were my favourite professor back then," George said, another smile spreading across his face. Professor McGonagall tutted as the words left his mouth.
"Flattery will get you nowhere, but do let me know if you manage to turn him back." George knew when a conversation was over and he nodded as he got up, picking up the, once again, shaking Coconut Fred. He bid his former professor goodbye and made his way back out of her office and Hogwarts castle. Once he reached Hogsmeade, he apparated back to their flat, kicking off his shoes and shrugging off his coat in their hallway.
Wandering into the living room, he flopped down on the sofa, Coconut Fred on his stomach, and turned on their TV. It had only been a few years after the war that someone found a way to insulate electrical appliances enough to work in magical households and some wizards and witches were still distrustful of 'the magic' they didn't understand. George pressed the button to turn on the DVD player and started up Monty Python and the Holy Grail from where they'd left off the other day.
"Fred! Shield your eyes!" George exclaimed after a little while when a 'horse' appeared on screen. He couldn't contain his laughter as Coconut Fred began to tremble indignantly and shielded his eyes for him - where he imagined a coconut's eyes to be if they had any anyway. Just as his laughter subsided, he heard a whoosh and craning his neck he saw Hermione standing in front of their fireplace. George waved at her and seeing as he made no move to get up from the sofa, Hermione took off her trainers, dropped them off by their front door and walked back into the living room, sitting down in one of their arm chairs.
She raised her eyebrows at the film he was watching and said, "We used to watch a lot of Monty Python at home when I was younger. Was right up my parents' alley." A smile spread on her face at the next scene of the film.
"I guess you could say it's right up mine and Fred's alley as well."
"I'm not surprised," Hermione said with a snort. Looking over at George and Coconut Fred, the smile slowly disappeared. "Malfoy is going to brew a potion for you, but it will take a week to prepare. He also thinks it will have to be layered with a spell."
George furrowed his brows. "Guess we can't help that, it's the best shot we got." Hermione nodded.
"According to him the problem was the desiccated coconut. You used an ingredient more magically powerful than necessary, so the potion became imbalanced." George swore softly under his breath and sat up, setting Coconut Fred to the side and pulling out the recipe once more. For a few minutes both of them were silent as George checked the recipe. However, out of the two of them, Fred was far better at potions. Normally George worked on the charms and spell work, while his twin prepared the recipes. In short, he didn't quite know why the amount of desiccated coconut was wrong.
"Fred will have to fix it once we turn him back," George said and Hermione chuckled.
"Isn't he going to be pissed off because he'll have been a coconut for a week?" Hermione asked and George frowned at her.
"Don't give him any ideas!" Laughing, Hermione shrugged, but after a moment George smiled at her. Since there wasn't anything else they could do for Fred for the time being, George asked what food she wanted to get for dinner. Deciding on pizza after a little back and forth, the two of them spent an evening of comfortable companionship with each other, eating greasy food and watching a couple of films before Hermione had to bid her farewell for the evening to return to Hogwarts castle. She promised George she'd be back with the potion once Malfoy was done with it. Patting Coconut Fred before she left, she reassured him that they'd try everything in their power to turn his twin back. George was hopeful that the two professors would be able to return his brother to him. With yet another whoosh Hermione was gone again, flooing back to Hogwarts. George glanced at the clock on their mantelpiece. It was getting a bit late, so he should head to bed, too. They had a business to run and he would have to open the shop all by himself the next day since Verity was currently on holiday and he didn't want to get in touch with her just because one of their experiments had gone wrong. No, she was off with her girlfriend and she deserved her time off. Taking Coconut Fred along, George went to bed for the night, curious as to how a week with a coconut for a brother would turn out.
Having a coconut for a brother and taking care of him was a task George had been ill prepared for. All week he'd had to keep an eye on Coconut Fred, which meant he had to take him along to the shop. He shrunk a set of their magenta work robes for him and popped him on the counter next to the till. He soon realised that that was a mistake.
"Is the coconut for sale? Is it something new? What does it do?" a small boy enquired after a couple of days while George was ringing up his items for him. With a smile he explained that actually one of their experiments had gone wrong and that the coconut was his twin brother, so he couldn't sell him. The boy whispered "wicked" and left the shop with a wide grin, running off once he was back outside. A little while later another couple of customers asked if Coconut Fred was a product and for sale and frowning George declined, explaining the current situation once more. The customers chuckled as they left the shop after paying for a few items, chatting about the odd addition to Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes. George should have foreseen people's interest in his coconut-shaped brother, but alas he hadn't. In hindsight it made perfect sense that people would assume the coconut was some new invention of theirs. The frown on George's face deepened. He didn't dare transfiguring or disillusioning Coconut Fred in case it messed with the effect of the Mutating Macaroons, so in the end he just persevered in telling people the tale of how they'd fucked up this time around.
By Wednesday word had gotten around that one of the Weasley twins had been turned into a coconut and was sitting on the counter in Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, wearing its own little magenta set of robes. That day, most people came in specifically to see Coconut Fred and while they were there already, they picked up a few products before being on their merry way again. The increase in business would have been fine and dandy if Verity had been there, but there were just too many customers when the shop was being manned by only one person. In the end George managed to get Lee to help out for a few days though. One of them always remained behind the counter to keep an eye on Coconut Fred, while the other could help customers locate the products they were looking for or answer their questions on the item. Since one of them always remained behind the counter it came as a surprise when they realised Coconut Fred had vanished. He couldn't have been gone for more than a minute, because George had just answered a question about his twin. For a second he panicked, looking around the shop to see if the thief was still around. Once again he thanked Merlin that someone had found a way to make electrical appliances work surrounded by magic because without the shop's cameras around he would have been a whole lot more worried. Telling Lee what had happened, the two of them ushered the remaining customers out of the shop and George sent off a patronus to Harry, asking him to drop by because Fred had been coconut-napped. By the time Harry showed up at the shop they'd prepared the recording from the afternoon, clearly showing a teenage boy, probably no older than fifteen, swiping Coconut Fred when George had his back turned. They showed Harry the recording first and neither George nor Lee knew how to interpret his reaction to it. He let out a long-suffering sigh and took their statements with the corners of his lips twitching from time to time as though he was having trouble keeping a straight face. He copied the picture of the culprit, promising to find him for George and to bring Coconut Fred by the evening.
True to his word, Harry returned Coconut Fred by nightfall. When George had asked how he'd found the culprit so quickly, Harry was unable to keep a chuckle in and said, "They're someone I've worked with before." George frowned, holding onto Coconut Fred protectively.
"Since when do you work with thieving teenagers?" George asked, causing Harry to well and truly burst out laughing, almost doubling over.
"Actually," Harry had managed to wheeze out, "I guess it's more accurate to say she works with me. Trained me even." Harry leaned against the door frame to their kitchen once he'd calmed down again, still a wide grin plastered across his face, seemingly unconcerned about the coconut-napping that had occurred that day.
"But Tonks...?" George asked, trailing off as comprehension dawned on his face. "How did you know it was her?" was George's next question as a wide grin spread on his face as well. He knew a good prank when he saw one.
"She used a form I knew from a previous mission." With that explanation and George's worries put to rest, Harry went off, leaving them to their own devices. He doubted Tonks had treated Fred badly, but they'd still have to get her back at some point.
"No worries, Freddie, I'll put some anti-thieving charms on you tomorrow," George promised his twin and it was the first thing he did the next morning after going down to the shop. The charms made it nearly impossible for Coconut Fred to be stolen again, but people still tried that day. On Friday, he resorted to sticking Coconut Fred in the cage with the pygmy puffs, adding some more powerful charms to the cage. The pygmy puffs flocked to Coconut Fred, covering him, so that it looked like they were selling a regular-sized puffskein - with a few too many eyes. George was glad when Friday evening finally rolled around and he was able to lock up the shop for the weekend, having decided to keep it closed on Saturday and Sunday in hopes of Hermione dropping by with the potion and a ready wand. He hadn't heard from her all week and she never showed up at their place on Saturday, but promised him she'd be coming by the next day at one of their usual weekend dinners at the Burrow.
The next morning, George was woken from a rather nice dream of a rather beautiful woman in a coconut bra when someone pulled his blanket away, saying, "Good mor - " only to break off halfway through the greeting. Opening his eyes and groaning, George spotted an embarrassed-looking Hermione whose eyes snapped from his body to his face when she realised she'd managed to wake him.
"Bloody hell, give a man a warning," George muttered, noting that it seemed to be difficult for Hermione to keep her gaze from trailing over his body. He gave her a lopsided grin and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, which just made her huff.
"I've brought the potion," she said, dropping his blanket on him and covering his nude form before she walked out of his room. George scrambled out of bed, pulling on a pair of pyjama bottoms and an old t-shirt as he went into the living room, where he'd forgotten Coconut Fred the previous night. Oops.
"Hey, wait, what do we do now?" George asked, his voice muffled because he'd managed to get his head stuck in the sleeve of the t-shirt he'd been trying to put on and he had to disentangle himself before pulling it on properly. Mornings never were his strong suit. Hermione, her cheeks still tinged pink, looked over at him as she picked up Coconut Fred from the ground and put him on the coffee table.
"You pour a little bit of the potion on him and I'll cast the most powerful transfiguration spell I know right after, so their effects get layered." Didn't sound too difficult, George thought to himself and caught the potion vial Hermione threw to him.
"Whenever you're ready," she said, pulling out her wand and pointing it at Coconut Fred while George walked around the coffee table and pulled the stopper out of the vial. Giving Hermione a curt nod, he poured a small amount of the potion onto Coconut Fred at which point Hermione began casting a spell. This time around, Coconut Fred emanated a pulsing light that kept going for seconds after Hermione had finished casting. Even so, the coconut wasn't shifting and when the light died down, Hermione and George exchanged a nervous glance. Only a couple of seconds later was there a small 'pop' and Fred appeared on the coffee table, completely naked and looking rather pissed off. Both George and Hermione jumped at the sudden appearance of Fred, Hermione's blush intensifying when she caught an eyeful of the other Weasley twin.
"Oh for fuck's sake. That's entirely too many naked Weasleys for one morning," she muttered, turning around and walking into their kitchen, telling them she'd make some coffee. The twins looked at each other and Fred frowned at the grin spreading on George's face.
"Shit, I'm glad that worked," George said, bouncing on his heels, not particularly bothered by Fred's state of undress.
"You're glad that worked? You are?" Fred asked, getting up from the coffee table, swaying a little because he hadn't used limbs in a week. "I really hate coconuts. I was a fucking coconut for a whole fucking week." George was still grinning, while Fred wandered off to his room to put on some clothes, muttering under his breath what a twat his twin was and complaining about George sleeping naked because he'd come entirely too close to his brother's dick a few times that week. George couldn't keep in his laughter as he heard Fred banging about their flat, following him at a safe distance, so he only got to Fred's room after he'd pulled on some boxers.
"What was it like being a coconut then?" George asked, leaning against the door frame of Fred's room, still grinning. Fred pulled on some more clothes and turned to him with a shrug.
"Was fine until you decided to stick me into a cage full of pygmy puffs," Fred said, the corners of his mouth twitching because of course the whole thing had been just a tiny bit funny.
"I only did that to keep you safe!" George exclaimed indignantly, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "What would you have done if someone'd nicked you for real?"
"Tonks treated me pretty well." Fred was grinning now. "All she did was set me in front of her TV, but you know, better than sticking me in a cage." George huffed, but then smiled.
"It's not like you'd have been any better at taking care of me had I been the one to try the Mutating Macaroons."
"I wouldn't have let you get nicked and I wouldn't have stuck you in a cage," Fred said, pushing past his twin to head to their kitchen to check on Hermione. "Let's see how Hermione is doing. We should have warned her about your special sugar." The twins always drank their coffee black: for one, they could never quite remember if they'd done something to their milk or sugar, but they also needed all the caffeine they could get to get started in the morning. Hermione on the other hand drank her coffee with milk and a tiny bit of sugar, but even a little bit of a contaminated substance could have disastrous consequences in their household. A yelp from their kitchen made them hurry to the other room, where they found Hermione whose hair was growing past her shoulders, her waist, her hips and sported all the colours of the rainbow.
"No, don't!" Fred and George yelled when Hermione pointed her wand at her head, but it was too late - she'd already said 'finite incantatem' and her hair started growing at an even faster rate. Hermione turned to the twins, her eyes narrowed as the air around her crackled with magic.
"A little warning would have been nice," she hissed, gripping her wand so tightly her knuckles stood out white. Fred and George instinctively backed away, holding up their hands.
"To be fair, I'd only just turned back after being a coconut for a week. Bit disorientating that," Fred said and George added, "And I was a little distracted by Fred turning back."
"Terribly sorry, Hermione, but we can fix this!"
"Promise," George said when she didn't look terribly convinced.
"Do it," Hermione said and when they didn't jump into action right away she snapped, "Now!" Fred and George glanced at each other and took out their wands, pointing them at the rainbow-coloured mass of hair and casting spells at the same time make them stronger. Hermione's hair had reacted exceptionally well to the sugar - much better than their own hair had. The colours were far more vibrant and the rate at which it was growing was way faster than they'd thought possible. They managed to stop it from growing any further after a few seconds, but the colours were trickier. After a few minutes, Hermione's hair, so long it pooled on the ground around her feet, was still rainbow coloured and she was losing her patience.
"Fred, George," she said, raising her wand and gripping it tightly once more since she'd relaxed her grip on it while they'd been trying to reverse the effects of the sugar.
"Yes, Hermione?" Fred asked, lowering his wand and glancing at George, who'd followed his lead.
"Why is my hair still rainbow coloured?" Hermione asked, walking in their direction until she was close enough to poke the twins in the chest with her wand. "And why is it still so long? I want my old length back!" her look was hard und unyielding as she looked up at Fred, who swallowed hard.
"We can cut the excess off if you like," George suggested and Hermione's eyes snapped over to him instead.
"Can you now. That still leaves me with rainbow hair."
"We should have a potion around our lab somewhere to help with that. We'd even lend you our shower."
"I'm not leaving here until you've fixed my hair, so you better get moving," she snapped, punctuating each word with a poke of her wand, searing little holes into their t-shirts, which they chose not to comment on.
"Right," George said, clearing his throat, "Do you want one of us to cut your hair first?" Hermione huffed, narrowing her eyes at the twins. She wrapped her hair around her hand, pulling it taut at about shoulder length and cast a severing charm. The excess hair fell onto the twins' kitchen floor.
"Potion," was all she said and they scrambled into action, George rushing off to their lab downstairs, while Fred vanished the hair on the ground with a flick of his wand and dashed off to get her a couple of towels and cast some cleaning charms on their bathroom. It wasn't like he and George never cleaned, but they definitely weren't as neat and tidy as Hermione, particularly in their flat. The shop was a different story altogether. By the time George ran back up the stairs from their shop, Hermione had been standing by the bathroom, holding the towels Fred had gotten for her for a couple of minutes, her glare never wavering once.
"Don't look at me like that," Fred had said, furrowing his brows. "The sugar was George's little project." He was saved her scathing reply by George's return. George passed her a vial and she turned on her heel, walking into the bathroom and slamming the door shut. The twins looked at each other, then burst out laughing. The shower hadn't started running yet and Hermione yelled, "I can hear you!" Fred and George laughed even harder and went back into their living room, collapsing on the sofa.
"Hermione hasn't given you the recipe for the potion that turned me back yet, right?" Fred asked and George shook his head.
"She got here, woke me up, we turned you back, she complained about too many naked Weasleys."
"No idea why she'd complain about that, doesn't sound like much of a problem."
George laughed at that and nodded. "Don't think she expected to find me naked though. Maybe it was the unexpectedness of it all," George said and Fred snorted. The two of them chatted until Hermione came out of their bathroom, towelling her hair that was pretty much back to its usual colour and level of frizz. If you looked at it carefully, it did look a little bit lighter than before. Fred and George hoped that that would be all the change and that it wouldn't continue to go any lighter still. Hermione looked from Fred to George, still a frown on her face.
"What's got your knickers in a twist now, Hermione?" Fred asked and her frown deepened before a smirk tugged at her lips.
"Not wearing any knickers, so there's nothing to get in a twist," Hermione said and Fred and George raised their eyebrows. For a second they were speechless, but then Fred grinned and asked, "Really, Hermione? I show you mine, you show me yours?" Hermione burst out laughing, letting her gaze travel over his body, slowly as if she was contemplating it.
"Nah, I'm good. Been there, done that." She looked at George whose ears reddened at the look she gave him. "Twice." Throwing her towel at Fred's face, she said, "Now if you'll excuse me. I have better things to do on a Sunday than hang out with the two people who very nearly ruined my hair. If you need the recipe for the potion go bother Malfoy." And with that she disapparated, winking at Fred.
"Fuck me," Fred muttered, chucking the towel at George who gave him a funny look and said, "I'd rather not." Fred grinned and pushed against George's shoulder, pushing him over to the side. Leaning back in his own corner of the sofa, Fred stretched out for a moment and ran a hand through his hair.
"But really, Fred? Hermione?" George asked and Fred looked at him in surprise.
"Why not? Could be fun."
"You're not that stupid, Freddie. Too close to home to just be a bit of fun." George got up and left Fred to mull that over for a bit. He went into the kitchen, getting rid of the now-cold mugs of coffee and starting a new batch for the two of them. Pulling out a box of cereal, he also got himself some breakfast and sat down at the kitchen table, waiting for Fred to follow sooner or later. It was rather sooner than he'd expected that Fred walked into the kitchen, changing the topic completely and asking him instead if he'd thought of any new product ideas over the last week. Fred sat down with his own mug of coffee and bowl of cereal across from him and George told him all about some new things he'd like to try. They would have to get inventing again soon.
Hermione spluttered and her lesson came to a grinding halt when, during the last class of the day, Fred walked into her classroom. He came in without so much as a twitch of his brow, despite the fact that he was naked, giving her a small wave and sitting down in the last row. The smile on his face made him look like the proverbial cat that had caught the canary and she couldn't help but wonder why? Surely getting naked and walking into someone's classroom as they were teaching a class didn't constitute a prank nowadays. Besides, just what was Fred thinking getting naked in front of children? Hermione glanced from Fred to her students who were all staring at her in confusion, as though her reaction to Fred had been odd? Furrowing her brows, she glanced at Fred again - nope, still naked, although most of him was obscured by the desk and students sitting in front of him. It took her a moment of quiet introspection, but she figured that if her students had seen Fred naked there'd be screaming, pointing and giggling - in that order, even from her seventh years.
"Professor Granger? Are you alright?" one brave Hufflepuff student asked her and Hermione pinched the bridge of her nose. She shook her head at Fred, who winked at her, before turning back to her students. Hermione cleared her throat and focused back on her class. "Yes, I'm very sorry about that. Now where was I?" After a couple of seconds glancing at her notes, Hermione picked up where she'd left off and continued with the lesson. Just as she was about to explain a rather complicated part of the finer points of the animagus transfiguration process, one of Fred's movements caught her eyes. He stretched in his chair, giving her a very clear view of his upper body and the trail of red hair that led from his bellybutton to his groin. Her face reddened as her train of thought was interrupted once more and her words trailed off. Catching Fred's eye, she let out a long-suffering sigh and said, "I'm very sorry everyone. I'll have to cut our lesson a little short today. Please read the next two chapters in the textbook for tomorrow morning. If you have any questions about the material, feel free to drop by my office later." With those words she closed the folder with her notes and walked around her desk, sitting down on it as her students left her classroom. Hermione felt a little bad ending the class early, but they were currently ahead of her schedule for seventh year, so being let out early once or twice or even three times wouldn't fuck them over.
"Fred," Hermione said with another sigh once the last of her students had left and closed the door behind them. Fred got up from the seat in the last row and walked to the front of the classroom, leaning against a desk in the first row, completely unperturbed at his seeming state of undress. She tried to keep her eyes fixed on his face, but her gaze flickered over his body a few times before moving back up. Fred grinned and cocked an eyebrow at her. "Like what you're seeing?"
"Well, there's nothing wrong with your body, but then we get to your personality and it all goes downhill from there." There was no bite to her words, but Fred still gasped and looked at her in mock hurt.
"I've got a great personality!"
"Of course you do, dear." Hermione felt like she was about to get headache, so she rubbed her temples, closing her eyes. Fred stepped up to her, pushing her hands away and massaging her temples for her. His fingers were deft, rubbing small circles, as though this wasn't the first time he was doing this. "What do you want, Fred? Also, why do I see you naked, but none of my students do?"
"Ah, that," Fred said with a chuckle. "That was one of our rather more brilliant ideas. It's a new product we're testing. It's a potion that makes you appear naked to anyone who's ever had… let's say, thoughts of the naughty variety about you. Definitely not for the faint of heart." Hermione chuckled and tentatively put her hand on his chest.
"Does it have to be taken willingly or can it be given to someone else as well?"
"We thought it would be funnier if it would have to be taken willingly. Choosing to be seen naked and all that."
"That's surprisingly thoughtful," Hermione said, opening her eyes and realising just how close Fred was to her. If she'd had the patience, she could have counted the freckles on his face.
"We do want to stay in business." Fred's hands dropped from her temples to her shoulders, his thumbs running along the edge of her robes. "More importantly, what kind of dirty thoughts have you been having about me, Professor Granger? Anything kinky?" Hermione's blush deepened and she lowered her gaze, staring at his chest.
"You haven't answered my question yet and I asked first," Hermione said, the argument a weak one, but any excuse would do. She looked up again and asked, "What're you doing here? Surely you haven't just popped by to disrupt my class and embarrass me?" Fred laughed at that, stepped back and waved his wand over himself. She'd only blinked once, but already he was fully clothed again. For the fraction of a second she regretted the change.
"Fine, I'll answer that." Fred ran a hand through his hair and looked at her almost nervously. "Spending a week as a coconut has been a truly eye-opening experience. You could say, it really cracked my shell and showed once again that we should get our ideas for inventions and recipes checked out by professionals. George is with Malfoy right now, asking for his help with future potion recipes and we'd like to ask you for help with our spellwork, maybe you and Malfoy could check together how potions and spells might interact with each other. We'd obviously compensate you for your time and trouble."
"There's going to be trouble?"
"Well, I mean, it's Georgie and me we're talking about here."
"Forget I asked," Hermione said, looking off to the side and rubbing her neck. After a few moments, she caught Fred's eye again and with yet another quiet sigh said, "If you let me know in advance when you plan on popping by and don't interrupt my classes anymore, I'd be okay with checking your work from time to time. Or you could just owl me questions and recipes and don't drop by at all."
"And deprive you of my presence? No way, Hermione, you're stuck with me now!" Fred said, ending with a whoop and grinning at her. "I actually thought I'd have to try harder to convince you to help us." Hermione took in Fred's expression - even after all these years it was odd to her that she was one of the people that got to see the Weasley twins' genuine smiles. They were reserved for family and their closest friends and every time they did something so stupid they deserved to be hexed six ways from Sunday that smile of theirs made it all the more difficult to actually hex them six ways from Sunday.
"Contrary to popular belief, I do genuinely think that a lot of your products are pretty amazing," Hermione said, crossing her arms in front of her chest and not quite meeting Fred's eyes. "For example those daydream sweets you sell. Those dreams are always fun. They're really neat when you need a break or need to calm yourself down." Fred's smile widened and he very nearly bounced up and down.
"Thank you. They're a personal favourite of mine as well…" His voice trailed off and he watched her face carefully. Hermione shifted under his gaze and pushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Ever had any dirty daydreams about me?" he asked and Hermione forced herself to hold his gaze, pushing her chin forward, her expression closing off.
"Drop it. Maybe I'll tell you at some point," she said and at the excited expression appearing on Fred's face she added, "Only if you stop asking about it!" Fred laughed and shrugged non-committally.
"Or I could use the little knowledge I have to really annoy you," he said with a wink. "Either way, I better see how George is faring with Professor Malfoy. I'll see you when I see you, Hermione." She muttered a quiet bye as he turned to leave. Once she was finally all by herself, she sat down behind her desk, putting her head in her hands, wondering just what had led her down this path. Being saved from a troll by two idiots all those years ago and sticking with them ever since, that was what led her here. Not that she'd want to change any of it.
